All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show s02e23 Win A Date With Kate.eng

That's a known thing.

Ought to cool them charge washers.

Hey, Drew.

Hey, before we go to lunch, we wanted to
show you our new promotional campaign

for Buzz Beer.

Is it better than the steering wheel
bottle opener?

Oh, much better. You know how the big
companies sponsor family -type events

sporting events and county fairs? Well,
we've come up with a way of helping

parents spend some fun time with their
kids while bringing them all into the

Buzzbeer family.

We call it Buzzbeer Children's Theater.

That's right.

Every week at your local library, you
get a visit from Little Oswald and

Lewis.

This week's episode is entitled, My
Dad's Stronger Than Your Dad.

Hey, Little Lewis, I bet my dad's
stronger than your dad.

Oh, yeah, Little Oswald?

Well, I bet my dad's stronger than your
dad. Hey, who do you think you're

stopping?

What are we fighting about?

Huh? The one thing both our dads have in
common is that they both drink buzz

beer. And lots of it.

The end. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Oh, no, no. Is this a two -case idea or
a three -case idea?

Hey, pig.

Hey, Mimi.

Finally figured out what pig means.

Pretty important guy.

That's why I had to put on all your
business cards.

What? Drew Carey. Pig.

The other white meat.

Wait. You need me to show you I'm above
all this.

I'm going to let you know if something
happens when you pick up the phone.

Oh, hey, Kate, could you get that for
me? I'm kind of busy. Sure. Kate, don't.

Hello? Yeah, she's here.

Hold on a second.

Keep yanking me, dickwad.

Hello?

Yeah?

Okay. All right, thanks. Bye -bye.

I'm sorry.

Forgot. It happens when you hang up the
phone.

You're the one, pig.

I probably shouldn't even tell you that
they just called to say you have a

message on their pneumatic tube.

How many times do I have to tell you,
Mimi? There's two kinds of people in

world. The quick and the... Stupid.

Damn it, Mimi. This is a brand new suit.

Hey, I can't help but have got sucked
into your gravitational pull.

How are you going to top that one, pig?

What are

you

smiling about?

Just picturing you topless.

Palma, bring my love to me tonight.

Guide her to Cleveland, underneath your
silvery light.

We're going bowling, so don't lose her
in stolen.

Moon over Palma tonight.

I think this whole win a date with Kate
thing is crazy.

I mean, since when did I become a ham
for you guys to give away?

Since we couldn't afford the ham.

Besides, you agreed to do this.

When? Last night, you said, hey, if
that's what it takes to sell beer, then

me away as a date.

I never said that.

Yes, you did. You even called and left a
message on my machine, which I happen

to have right here.

Perhaps you'd like to hear it? Yes, I
would.

Hi, Drew. I would like you to give me
away as a date for a buzz beer.

Contest?

Who's that?

Gee, I guess I can't argue with that.

It's all there in words I've used over
the past five years.

Come on, Miss Chaperonia. And look,
we're selling more buzz beer than we

all year.

Yeah, you know, it's kind of romantic.
Like Cinderella.

But instead of a glass slipper, Prince
Charming will find your name under a

cap. I won! I won! Look!

Hey, looks like a winner.

Bernard, I remember you from high
school.

I beat you up once.

Twice, but all is forgiven.

This cap's a fake.

Anyone can see you scan this on a triple
-pass 24 -bit scanner.

You should have used a single -pass 36
-bit snap scan to put it up on a

photorealistic color laser printer.

Geeks.

You're the one that slammed into me, you
idiot. You're going to pay.

Why did you stop in the middle of the
street? Well, I suddenly thought, how

I get my spare tire shoved up my bum?

Change for the phone, please, Bob. Keep
it a bottle of your cheapest beer. Make

that two.

Oh, my God, they ordered Buzz Beers.
That guy with Mr. Wick is so cute. Oh,

please don't believe that I win.

Hey, there's something on my bottle cap.

Oh, it's just the hair.

Who's this cake, and why do I have to
date her?

All right, that's it. I am not going out
with our boss.

Wait a minute. You can't back out of
something we promised you'd do behind

back.

Listen, look, I'll have a talk with Mr.
Wick. You know, you're an employee to be

uncomfortable. You know, he may seem
obnoxious and rude, but deep down, he's

really a reasonable person.

Operator!

Operator! I get cut off!

You made my dad disrespect!

It wouldn't give me my quota back!

Hey,

Mr. Wick.

I need to talk to you about that date
you went with Kate.

What are you doing?

Just adding a little energy boost to the
water supply.

Aqua java.

Caffeinated water?

I noticed the employees get a little
sleepy after lunch. I thought this would

help them through that midday lull. And
to ensure they're good and thirsty.

Large bill of salty bread.

But we make our coffee with that water.

Oh, my God, that's why I jogged home
last night.

Hey, Jim!

Hey, Mr. White!

How's it going?

Great copy, huh? Listen, I've been to
that report you asked for. I also

a couple of footnotes, a couple of book
reports, and a review of a movie I saw

last night. The copy machine was broke,
so I wrote out a few copies by hand.

Here's a copy for you, here's a copy for
you, and hey, have a copy!

Well, off the inventory. No, we're not
supposed to do it for another couple of

weeks. Hey, what the hey, see ya!

that's going to be one sleepy, sweaty
man.

You know, Mr. Wick, if you don't want to
go out with Kate, I can have a talk

with her and let her down easy.

You tried to take away my prize.

I smell fraud.

No, sir. Here's all the information on
the limo service and two tickets to see

Grease at the Cleveland Playhouse.

Although it is a bit of a dilemma.

Kate's an employee. It's against the
rules for me to go out with her.

On the other hand, Tonya Harding as
Rizzo in Grease is hard to pass up.

Well, then, don't think of it as a date.
Just think of it as free dinner and a

show. You know, I'm sure Kate will be
great company. She's a good person.

funny. Yes, yes, I'm sure I could listen
to her jabber for a few hours and

pretend to laugh every 12 minutes.

Hey, I could have her wear a watch on
her head if it'll help.

That's very funny, Gary. Thanks.

No, no, I'm just practicing.

Drew,

please tell me you changed his mind.

I know you think I can reason with Mr.
Wick, but have you noticed my cubicle,

paycheck, the angry woman who sits
behind me?

I guess I can get through one night.
I've had bad dates before. I'll just

my teeth and drag myself through hell
one more time.

That's the spirit.

Hold on.

Oh, Drew, the vending machine fell over
on the fourth floor.

There's snickers as far as the eye can
see.

Oh, well, I better go and make sure
everyone's all right.

As if you're taking Mr. Wick to see
Grease.

Keep your mitt off, he's mine.

Mimi, calm down. It's just dinner and a
show.

I just don't want you undoing my work.

I almost got him where I want him.
Yesterday he said, how'd you want your

coffee? The usual.

The usual.

He knows me.

Knows you? He's stalking you.

All I'm saying is I've got three things
in my hair that I could kill you with.

So they learned to dodge the brush,
didn't they?

Fine. Just remember, you come back and
there's been any funny business, I'm

going to crush you just like this
tomato.

It's one thing to yell fire in a crowded
theater, but next time you see there's

free Snickers, you better read it, baby.

Lewis and I have come up with another
great promotion idea.

You know all the famous dance crazes,
Lambada, The Twist, The Achy Breaky

Wait a second, let me fast forward about
two minutes.

Lewis Oswald, that's the stupidest idea
I've ever heard in my life.

Okay, go ahead. All right, you're really
going to like this one. We've come up

with a dance craze of our own, a buzz
beer dance.

The buzzy.

Okay, you ready?

Boy, could I use a buzz beer. I said a
buzz beer. That's right, a buzz

beer. Do the buzzy.

That

is

brilliant. We show that to people. If
they don't drink more beer, we try to

it to them again.

Hey, Gage, you're back from your date.

Yeah, it wasn't so bad. You survived a
night with that pasty -faced tea sucker.

Tea sucker.

On the car, honey.

Missed you.

Me too, Wiki.

Oh, my God.

Kate and Mr. Wiki like each other. That
can't be bad, can it?

Well, let me see him.

Probably have to spend a lot more time
with your boss.

And if things don't work out, odds are
they'll blame you.

Let me fast forward about two minutes.

Nope, still screwed.

Let me try two hours.

Hey, I'm drunk off my ass. Nothing seems
so bad.

That's it, huh? Saturday night, I got my
boss in the backyard playing pool.

Now, if I could only get my heart doctor
in the refrigerator, my mom in my

secret magazine drawer, life would be
perfect.

All right, Mr. Wick.

One more ball and you are snookered
again.

I hate losing. I hate it. Good luck,
buddy.

What did you do that for?

Beat my boss? What are you, nuts?

Oh, look! I win!

I win!

He's beating us at snooker, cricket, and
duck pins. I'm going in.

It's time to play our kind of a game.

Good old American Chinese checkers.

Gary? Now that we're alone, there's a
couple of things I'd like to know about

Kate, but I'm not quite sure how to ask
her. So I thought you being a best

friend and all, I could ask you. Oh,
sir, I don't know if I'm really

comfortable. Now, what's Kate's favorite
cologne?

Oh, those kind of questions. Oh, that's
easy. It's obsession.

Obsession. Now, speaking of obsessions,
sometimes I'm naughty.

And I like to be disciplined.

Do you think Kate would go for that?

Cat got your tongue?

No, sir. Actually, I'm just hoping for a
heart attack.

What about nude bitches?

No, no. There's no way. Kate would never
pose for nude pictures. Oh, not of her.

Of me.

You know, me as a nude cowboy, perhaps.
Or me playing naked bocce ball.

You know, I must have had too many
kippers for lunch, because...

All of a sudden, I don't feel so good.

In fact, I...

I

feel much better now.

Drew, I'm going crazy.

Nigel made this special photo album for
me, but he won't let me look at it until

tonight. But he didn't say you couldn't
look at it.

Oh, hi, Cupcake. Oh, sorry.

You don't like it when I call you
Cupcake. I've been a naughty boy.

We'll talk later.

Kelly, I thought I asked you for some
insurance reports.

Oh, but sir, you didn't give me those
final figures this morning.

If I don't have these reports at my desk
in one hour, one of us won't be hanging

around your house this weekend.

Nigel, don't you think you're being a
little hard on Drew?

It's none of your concern, Cupcake. Ooh,
I said it again.

You'll have to punish me twice.

I'm sorry, honey, but Drew's my best
friend.

I'm sorry, honey, but you're out of
line.

What? You're also an employee, so why
don't you go downstairs and sell your

pretty little lipsticks?

Now it comes out, doesn't it?

Well, you know, Drew was right. You
really are a pompous, bullying, petty

for a man.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You misheard me. You misheard me. I
believe I said confident, intelligent,

highly forgiving boss.

Come on, Drew. You've been wanting to
tell him off for a long time. Here's

chance. Kate, that was my retirement
speech.

I don't believe you.

Here I am defending you and you're not
going to even back me up? Some friend

are. And you!

I don't want you to ever call me again!

More bad news, Gary.

You've ruined my relationship with Kate.
And you embarrassed me in front of the

entire store!

You're fired!

Cause I got...

Here's the way to go.

Just remember that.

Oops, there it goes.

Ten years of my life.

And Carrie, one more thing.

Gotcha!

And you weren't really fighting?

No, it was all a prank. We weren't even
dating.

Well, Captain, if Mr. Wick would win, I
could teach you not to give away people

as prizes.

And I did it just to watch you sweat.

I'm sorry I had to do this.

But I still love you. That's friends,
right?

Yeah, well, you got me all right.

So all that stuff about the report doing
one hour on fire, just a joke, right?

No, no, one hour. Oh, you're fine.

Just checking.

Thank you so much for being such a good
sport, Mr. Wick. No problem. Actually,

it was rather nice getting to know you
better. Yeah, it was really nice. I had

lot of fun.

What's the word?

Grease is the word.

I love you.

Nothing.

All right, I love you.

Oh, well, thank you, sir.

Okay, back to work.

and Mr. Wick was a joke. Is that true?

Yeah, it was a joke and it just keeps on
getting funnier.

Oh, well, then I'm sorry to hear about
your car.

What did you just say?

I'm just saying, you know, that if
someone scratched slut on

the door's trunk and hood,

In fact, I'm going to find out who did
it.

What a great place to spend a lunch hour
at a toy store.

Hey, hey, you need to get into these
bubbles with that paddle ball. Okay.

Here, I'll tell you I hate the bubbles.

Mr. Wick's in love with me.

Does this woman ever stop?

She's nutty, I tell you. She's nutty.

Drew, I'm serious. He told me.

Hello, Drew.

Dreamt about you last night?

Thank you, sir.

Tell me, Drew, do you think you can get
me these insurance reports?

I'd really, really like you to do that.
If you do that, I'd be so happy.

Who knows? Maybe you'd be happy, too.

Wow, did you hear that?

Wow, you weren't kidding.

Man, he really wants those reports.

Geez, I don't want to hurt him. How do I
tell him I'm not interested?

Let's see. What were some of my favorite
ways to get dumped?

Oh, once a woman wrote a dear John
letter in the bottom of a pie pan.

You know, it doesn't hurt so much when
you're full.

Kate, could I talk to you for a minute?

Oh, uh... Kate, you want us to leave so
just you're uncomfortable or should we

stay so we're all uncomfortable?

I'd like you to stay. You're her
friends. You should hear this.

Kate, I'd really appreciate an answer at
the end of this poem I've written you.

I'm no Byron, I'm no Keith, but when
you're near, it's like I've eaten a

sweets. Mr. Whitley.

There's only just a little more.

I'm a skinny little boy in this body of
a man.

Come on, give your love to me.

Love me.

Love me.

Love me if you can.

I'm sorry, Nigel. I just don't feel the
same way.

I'm sorry.

Wait,

Mr. Wick. Let me read the last verse for
you.

Gotcha!

Sorry, I can't hold it any longer.

Getting you back. Ha -ha, the joke's on
Kate.

Nice one, Drew.

I'll get to both of you next time, I
swear.

And we'll help.

And I'll get you to time after that.

And we'll help.

Thanks, Carrie.

I guess my heart led me into a bit of a
situation there.

Same thing happened to me once, sir. I
know how you're feeling. I mean, once in

seventh grade... I'm over it, Carrie.

Your rebound is here, sir.

My toast is stuck.

What do I do?

No.

Don't stick a knife in a toaster.

Ah, this will do the trick.

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