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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:23,500 --> 00:00:24,550 Guess who? 2 00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:28,130 Billy! 3 00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:30,180 It's me, Frank, your kid brother. 4 00:00:34,340 --> 00:00:35,390 Billy! 5 00:00:36,140 --> 00:00:37,700 You always did like surprises. 6 00:00:59,470 --> 00:01:05,329 If at any point in the next hour either of you feel stress, Bob, Dave, I want 7 00:01:05,330 --> 00:01:07,430 you to breathe in through your nose. 8 00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:11,770 Push your tummy right down into your bottom. 9 00:01:12,390 --> 00:01:14,450 Hello, stress. 10 00:01:15,090 --> 00:01:16,140 Goodbye, stress. 11 00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:17,460 OK? 12 00:01:19,190 --> 00:01:20,240 Hello, stress. 13 00:01:22,990 --> 00:01:24,110 Goodbye, stress. 14 00:01:25,050 --> 00:01:26,100 That's good. 15 00:01:26,270 --> 00:01:28,690 And remember, I... 16 00:01:29,020 --> 00:01:31,180 care. So don't fight me. 17 00:01:31,460 --> 00:01:32,510 Let's get started. 18 00:01:34,860 --> 00:01:41,159 October 2nd, 11 .15am. I'm Tom Reid, the Metropolitan Police Trauma Counsellor, 19 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:45,199 and this is taped evidence for the inquiry into the disappearance of 20 00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:47,760 Superintendent Frank Cotton. 21 00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:54,299 Let's kick off with the night it all started. The night a routine D Division 22 00:01:54,300 --> 00:01:58,340 stakeout went wrong and suspected armed robber William Connors. 23 00:01:58,341 --> 00:01:59,719 Was shot. 24 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:00,770 Bob. 25 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:05,580 Well, I didn't actually see anything. 26 00:02:05,980 --> 00:02:08,220 I had my eyes closed. 27 00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:13,379 I always close my eyes and stick my fingers in my ears when there's guns 28 00:02:13,380 --> 00:02:14,379 off. 29 00:02:14,380 --> 00:02:16,240 I've got this thing about big bangs. 30 00:02:17,820 --> 00:02:21,500 Someone threw a firework into my pram when I was a baby. 31 00:02:21,940 --> 00:02:22,990 Oh, no. 32 00:02:23,500 --> 00:02:25,790 I wouldn't mind, but it was my mum who threw it. 33 00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:29,740 Dave, what about you? 34 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:36,380 Well, it's all a bit of a blank, really. It was dark. 35 00:02:37,620 --> 00:02:38,670 It was up a tree. 36 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:40,340 It was a plum tree. 37 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:43,100 And afterwards I was a bit numb. 38 00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:49,560 After I'd spent two hours sitting on a couple of squashed plums. 39 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:57,140 Well, as someone who was involved in the... 40 00:02:58,000 --> 00:02:59,050 shooting incident. 41 00:02:59,051 --> 00:03:03,099 How did you feel when you were told that it was you two who were going to have 42 00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:07,840 to tell William Connor's mother that her son had been killed? 43 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:12,540 I mean, I'm sort of guessing that it wasn't something you really wanted to 44 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:13,880 was it? No, no. 45 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:15,250 We're partners. 46 00:03:16,940 --> 00:03:19,000 We like to be mature about these things. 47 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:20,320 Well, I ain't doing it. 48 00:03:22,980 --> 00:03:24,400 The paper is a stone. 49 00:03:25,620 --> 00:03:29,220 Right. Loser tells her he's dead, winner gets the chipset. No arguments. 50 00:03:29,460 --> 00:03:32,770 No better three. No crossing your fingers behind your back. Ready? 51 00:03:33,900 --> 00:03:36,100 One, two, three, scissors. 52 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:37,890 Now what? 53 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:39,330 Let's do it again. 54 00:03:40,140 --> 00:03:42,520 One, two, three, scissors. 55 00:03:43,580 --> 00:03:49,100 One, two, three, scissors. Will you stop doing scissors? 56 00:03:49,780 --> 00:03:51,700 Will you stop doing scissors? 57 00:03:51,701 --> 00:03:55,619 Stupid! paper or something. If I do paper, you'll do scissors and then I've 58 00:03:55,620 --> 00:03:57,239 it. I won't do scissors, I promise. 59 00:03:57,240 --> 00:03:58,699 All right, I won't do scissors. 60 00:03:58,700 --> 00:03:59,750 OK? 61 00:04:00,780 --> 00:04:02,820 One, two, three, scissors! 62 00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:05,160 I say, hello, Mrs Cox. 63 00:04:05,161 --> 00:04:09,379 And then you say, what are you going to do with your spare room? She says, I 64 00:04:09,380 --> 00:04:12,960 haven't got a spare room. Then we both say, you have now, your son's dead. 65 00:04:12,961 --> 00:04:16,659 How long has it been since you did anything like this? 66 00:04:16,660 --> 00:04:18,000 Not since I was in uniform. 67 00:04:18,420 --> 00:04:20,920 I was never very good at breaking bad news. 68 00:04:21,579 --> 00:04:25,839 Just shouting, your dad dead, through the letterbox and running off. Got me 69 00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:27,040 hot water more than once. 70 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:30,130 Well, the coldness of this, she's got a weak heart as well. 71 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,920 So perhaps we ought to break it to her a bit more gently. 72 00:04:33,220 --> 00:04:34,600 Well, he was an armed robber. 73 00:04:34,860 --> 00:04:37,990 She must have expected something like this to happen someday. 74 00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:40,040 Hey, hey, that's good. That's good. 75 00:04:40,660 --> 00:04:42,890 How about we start off something like this? 76 00:04:43,100 --> 00:04:48,060 Mrs Connors, as you know, your son was involved in a very dangerous profession. 77 00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:50,850 The most dangerous profession in the world. 78 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:54,860 Well, apart from coal miner and circus lion tamer. 79 00:04:55,340 --> 00:04:56,390 That's good. 80 00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:57,500 That's very good. 81 00:04:58,620 --> 00:05:00,900 Bizarre, but good. Even better. 82 00:05:01,380 --> 00:05:02,500 OK, what have we got? 83 00:05:02,940 --> 00:05:04,580 Mrs Connors, hello! 84 00:05:05,100 --> 00:05:09,199 Did you know that... Since the demise of the British coal industry... And since 85 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:13,279 circuses have, by and large, stopped featuring large animals like lions... 86 00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:14,720 Except in places like Poland. 87 00:05:14,740 --> 00:05:18,980 Since then, armed robbery is officially... The most... 88 00:05:19,580 --> 00:05:21,380 Dangerous profession in the world? 89 00:05:21,500 --> 00:05:25,339 No, in Britain. Sounds like we've done our own work. Then while she ponders 90 00:05:25,340 --> 00:05:27,460 fact, we hit her with a big one. 91 00:05:27,900 --> 00:05:29,620 No wonder your son's dead. 92 00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:32,990 In the end, we decided to stick to procedure. 93 00:05:33,260 --> 00:05:37,579 Gain entry, make polite chit -chat, and then subtly find a way to introduce the 94 00:05:37,580 --> 00:05:38,660 topic of sudden death. 95 00:05:39,220 --> 00:05:40,660 Whatever you do, don't laugh. 96 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:46,179 When we saw how frail she was, we knew we couldn't tell her we were coppers 97 00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:47,230 straight away. 98 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:49,360 So, who are you? 99 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:51,170 Us? 100 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:52,530 Me and him? 101 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:54,090 Where? 102 00:05:54,580 --> 00:05:55,630 From the council. 103 00:05:56,060 --> 00:05:57,110 The council? 104 00:05:57,780 --> 00:06:00,280 Oh, have you come about the rat? 105 00:06:01,540 --> 00:06:02,590 Yes. 106 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:04,300 We've come about the rat. 107 00:06:04,820 --> 00:06:06,200 It's about bloody time. 108 00:06:06,620 --> 00:06:10,879 He's the size of a pony. He comes up through the rubbish chute straight into 109 00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:11,930 kitchen. 110 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:16,100 Come here and I'll show you his teeth mark on the... Wait, Mrs Connors. 111 00:06:18,250 --> 00:06:24,329 Did you know that officially being a rat is the most 112 00:06:24,330 --> 00:06:26,130 dangerous animal to be? 113 00:06:28,110 --> 00:06:33,430 So it is little wonder, then, that the rat is dead. 114 00:06:34,030 --> 00:06:35,390 Dead? Yes. 115 00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:39,010 Dead. We shot him last night. 116 00:06:39,270 --> 00:06:43,610 You killed him? Oh, that's the most marvellous news. 117 00:06:44,210 --> 00:06:46,430 Wait. Wait, Mrs Connors. 118 00:06:46,970 --> 00:06:48,430 That may be good news for you. 119 00:06:52,930 --> 00:06:54,710 But what about the rat's mother? 120 00:06:55,510 --> 00:07:02,369 You see, Mommy Rat is sitting in her cosy council 121 00:07:02,370 --> 00:07:08,829 flat when suddenly, knock, knock, it's two glum -looking ferrets from the 122 00:07:08,830 --> 00:07:09,880 Riverbank Council. 123 00:07:10,730 --> 00:07:15,290 They've come to tell her that her little... William Rat... 124 00:07:15,610 --> 00:07:20,969 has been shot dead in a back garden in a course of investigation into a series 125 00:07:20,970 --> 00:07:22,510 of post office robberies. 126 00:07:24,490 --> 00:07:25,950 Hello, Mary. 127 00:07:26,450 --> 00:07:28,130 I'm sorry, the front door was open. 128 00:07:28,370 --> 00:07:29,990 Father, what are you doing here? 129 00:07:30,230 --> 00:07:31,280 I just heard. 130 00:07:31,390 --> 00:07:32,630 I can walk straight away. 131 00:07:34,330 --> 00:07:36,170 Did you tell her the news? 132 00:07:36,870 --> 00:07:39,310 Indeed they did, Father. Isn't it wonderful? 133 00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:45,599 I know he was one of God's creatures, Father, but I was sick and tired of 134 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:46,960 clearing up his droppings. 135 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:53,400 I think we'll leave this in your capable hands, Father. Come on, Bob. 136 00:07:57,740 --> 00:07:58,790 Yeah. 137 00:07:59,100 --> 00:08:00,150 Like we said. 138 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:02,320 We stuck to procedure. 139 00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:04,160 Did it by the book. 140 00:08:04,540 --> 00:08:09,720 Hey, you know, for two guys not trained in trauma therapy, well, wow. 141 00:08:10,650 --> 00:08:11,700 I mean, woo -hoo! 142 00:08:12,570 --> 00:08:13,620 That's incredible. 143 00:08:13,621 --> 00:08:17,249 It must have been around about this time that you were beginning to notice that 144 00:08:17,250 --> 00:08:22,410 things were sitting heavily on the shoulders of Frank. 145 00:08:23,790 --> 00:08:24,840 Hello, stressed. 146 00:08:25,750 --> 00:08:26,800 Goodbye, stressed. 147 00:08:27,070 --> 00:08:28,330 That's good, that's nice. 148 00:08:28,970 --> 00:08:33,969 Now, apparently, since Frank was in charge on the night that the stakeout 149 00:08:33,970 --> 00:08:38,590 wrong, he blamed himself for William Connor's death. 150 00:08:39,210 --> 00:08:40,260 Come in. 151 00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:44,660 Now, did you notice anything strange about his behaviour on that day? 152 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:46,090 Er, done that, sir. 153 00:08:46,740 --> 00:08:49,940 We've, er... We've told Mrs Connors. 154 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:53,860 A bit of tact, a pint of strong tea always does the trick. 155 00:08:58,320 --> 00:08:59,370 Sir? 156 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,010 Freddie was his name. 157 00:09:06,611 --> 00:09:08,579 Sorry, sir. 158 00:09:08,580 --> 00:09:09,630 I was just thinking. 159 00:09:10,260 --> 00:09:14,779 Thinking back to when I was a little boy, in those days, the co -op still 160 00:09:14,780 --> 00:09:15,860 horses for the milk. 161 00:09:17,900 --> 00:09:19,240 What, instead of cows? 162 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:28,679 Freddie, me and my brother Bill, we played cowboys and Indians. We pretended 163 00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:29,730 was our horse. 164 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:35,760 Every morning, Freddie pulled that milk float up the hill. 165 00:09:41,100 --> 00:09:42,150 He was just too old. 166 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:46,060 He just couldn't get it up anymore. 167 00:09:46,061 --> 00:09:50,999 And you know what they did to Freddie when he became too old to please the 168 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:52,050 housewives? 169 00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:54,460 They put him out to grass. 170 00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,180 Two weeks later, he went lame. 171 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:01,530 And they shot him. 172 00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:07,730 Do you want us to inform the relatives, sir? 173 00:10:10,460 --> 00:10:14,319 Frank blamed himself for the shooting because he thought he was getting too 174 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:15,370 for the job. 175 00:10:15,371 --> 00:10:17,739 We tried to reassure him, didn't we, Dave? 176 00:10:17,740 --> 00:10:18,790 Oh, yeah. 177 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:24,019 We said, at his age, fatal errors at work and chronic impotence are the least 178 00:10:24,020 --> 00:10:25,070 you can expect. 179 00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:28,420 He said, at least you don't smell a wee. 180 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:33,740 So it was the next day you found out that Frank had gone missing. 181 00:10:33,741 --> 00:10:38,509 You must have been very worried. So you want 50 quid that he's in a bed and 182 00:10:38,510 --> 00:10:40,329 breakfast somewhere on the south coast? 183 00:10:40,330 --> 00:10:43,190 Florida is from 11 to 1. We've got 5 to 2. You what? 184 00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:44,560 You got it. 185 00:10:45,630 --> 00:10:46,680 Yes, yes. 186 00:10:48,390 --> 00:10:50,980 Right, face down in the Thames it is. Yeah, I'll hold. 187 00:10:51,830 --> 00:10:52,880 OK, what we got? 188 00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:56,749 That was a tonne on Malaga from the Murder Squad Christmas Fund. And I've 189 00:10:56,750 --> 00:11:00,000 200 quid on Beachy Head from the Fraud Squad. How are they paying? 190 00:11:00,110 --> 00:11:01,830 Check. Forget it. 191 00:11:01,831 --> 00:11:07,679 Superintendent Cottam, 10 ,000 guineas, handicapped sweepstakes. My name's Bob. 192 00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:08,730 How can I help you? 193 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:10,970 Commissioner! 194 00:11:11,700 --> 00:11:12,750 Canada? 195 00:11:14,260 --> 00:11:15,310 OK, 196 00:11:15,740 --> 00:11:17,300 come on. Let's loosen up a bit. 197 00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:23,600 Now, what I'm seeing is two guys in trauma. 198 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:28,880 Two very good coppers in a vortex of pain and regret. 199 00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:33,459 You've just been told that Frank, your air -saps father figure for all these 200 00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:34,510 years, 201 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:37,420 had just run away to Canada. 202 00:11:38,140 --> 00:11:40,000 Now, why Canada? 203 00:11:41,540 --> 00:11:43,160 Because his brother lived there. 204 00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:49,019 Or was it maybe because Canada represented his childhood, the Wild 205 00:11:49,020 --> 00:11:52,920 freedom of the wilderness, that wild child that lives within all of us? 206 00:11:53,940 --> 00:11:57,020 No, it was definitely because his brother lived there. 207 00:11:57,340 --> 00:11:59,900 But was it escape? Or was it exile? 208 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:01,440 Was he living in paradise? 209 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:03,080 Or was it purgatory? 210 00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:07,900 It was a place called Bison Breath Creek, actually. You're fighting me, 211 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:10,650 Great. 212 00:12:11,420 --> 00:12:16,739 Then the commissioner, God square in his uniform, instructs you to spit in his 213 00:12:16,740 --> 00:12:21,200 eye. You knew that Frank needed kind space, herb tea. 214 00:12:21,620 --> 00:12:27,139 But the commissioner, that great marble statue with a huge dominant male 215 00:12:27,140 --> 00:12:31,680 penis... He asked you to go to Canada. 216 00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:34,090 And hunt him down like a common criminal. 217 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:37,690 Yeah. 218 00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:39,330 Canada. 219 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:41,890 Him and me. 220 00:12:42,860 --> 00:12:44,220 All expenses paid. 221 00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:52,080 And despite that very real, very masculine bond of love you had for 222 00:12:52,140 --> 00:12:53,340 you agreed. 223 00:12:54,180 --> 00:12:55,340 You said yes. 224 00:12:57,580 --> 00:12:58,630 We said. 225 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:09,060 We called the case Operation Maple. 226 00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:13,759 Except we changed that, didn't we, Dave, to Operation Linda Lovely Legs, after 227 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:16,059 the nice hostess who gave us that snuggly blanket. 228 00:13:16,060 --> 00:13:21,040 When we got to Calgary, we found it was a leapy, dusty cowboy town. 229 00:13:23,860 --> 00:13:28,139 We checked into a little B &B, dropped off our bags and decided on a plan of 230 00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:29,190 action. 231 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:34,079 All we had to go on was the name of the town and a tourist map of some old 232 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:35,300 abandoned gold mines. 233 00:13:35,301 --> 00:13:39,679 Right, let's get this over with as quick as possible and then we can start our 234 00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:42,150 holiday. Why don't we just phone him from the bar? 235 00:13:42,300 --> 00:13:43,680 Ah, he's put us on the phone. 236 00:13:45,540 --> 00:13:48,460 According to this, he's not even on a road. 237 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:51,540 What's that black line there? 238 00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:57,539 We first realised that finding Frank wasn't going to be easy when we met the 239 00:13:57,540 --> 00:13:59,040 ticket collector on the train. 240 00:13:59,300 --> 00:14:00,350 Tickets, please! 241 00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:03,750 Tickets, please. 242 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:06,760 That's two for Bison Breath Creek, then. 243 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:11,850 Bison? 244 00:14:13,560 --> 00:14:14,610 It's been run. 245 00:14:15,540 --> 00:14:18,580 He's a ticket collector. Surely you've seen a ticket before. 246 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:27,299 Thirty years I've worked this line, and we never, not ever, has 247 00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:32,180 anyone ever got off the train at Bison. 248 00:14:37,319 --> 00:14:41,300 Daddy, I made it. I got the whole collection. 249 00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:47,579 Am I getting the impression that where we're going is a bit off the beaten 250 00:14:47,580 --> 00:14:48,630 track? 251 00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:03,510 Pretty soon, we're in the heart of the Canadian Rockies. 252 00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:08,710 I have to admit, the scenery took our breath away, didn't it, Bob? 253 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:11,280 Reminds me of Cannon Hill Park. 254 00:15:12,460 --> 00:15:14,660 Or Amsterdam Men's Swimming Pool. 255 00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:18,720 It was tough going in them mountains. 256 00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:23,099 But luckily, we'd had the foresight to wear specially designed SAS -style 257 00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:24,580 outdoor survival clothing. 258 00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:30,139 When we found the sign to Bison Breath Creek, we were deep into grizzly bear 259 00:15:30,140 --> 00:15:31,190 country. 260 00:15:31,820 --> 00:15:37,379 We also had to look out for cougars, mountain lions and packs of ferocious 261 00:15:37,380 --> 00:15:38,430 timber wolves. 262 00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:42,520 Out there in the wilderness, you have to sort of blend in with your environment. 263 00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:45,260 Attain a kind of inner stillness. 264 00:15:49,380 --> 00:15:52,420 Works in England. 265 00:16:08,851 --> 00:16:15,859 Do you remember when we booked that holiday in cars at the last minute? 266 00:16:15,860 --> 00:16:17,420 The one that Noda recommended? 267 00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:19,170 Yeah. 268 00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:26,100 And do you remember that strange mixture of fear, 269 00:16:26,300 --> 00:16:33,219 surprise, anger and misplaced optimism we felt 270 00:16:33,220 --> 00:16:39,839 when the deck chair attendant moved his change pouch and we saw that he was 271 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:40,890 naked? 272 00:16:41,420 --> 00:16:45,600 And he realised that Kikinos nudicus was Greek for nudist colony. 273 00:16:52,260 --> 00:16:53,940 I'm getting the same feeling now. 274 00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,320 Without the misplaced optimism. 275 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:01,250 Hey, people! 276 00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:04,079 Come on in! We're having a party! 277 00:17:04,940 --> 00:17:07,900 Welcome to the finest saloon in Bison Breath! 278 00:17:13,139 --> 00:17:14,800 Well, at least he isn't naked. 279 00:17:19,380 --> 00:17:20,660 Dear God. 280 00:17:21,339 --> 00:17:24,480 Well, sure is a hot day out there today, huh, fellas? 281 00:17:24,780 --> 00:17:26,580 What are you going to have, whiskey? 282 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:30,450 Well, at least the king's arms, they move the dirt about a bit now and again. 283 00:17:30,660 --> 00:17:32,420 Yeah, sure is cold today. 284 00:17:32,940 --> 00:17:35,420 Boy, freeze the balls off a mule, huh? 285 00:17:53,350 --> 00:17:55,400 What can I do for you there, fancy pants? 286 00:17:57,130 --> 00:18:01,510 Well, I'll... We'll study the menu a bit longer. 287 00:18:01,730 --> 00:18:05,270 Well, don't take all day. I'm really busy. I've got a lot of customers to 288 00:18:08,950 --> 00:18:10,000 What are you doing? 289 00:18:24,810 --> 00:18:27,650 Wes said he'd like two nice cold beers. 290 00:18:28,030 --> 00:18:31,050 Beer? Is that all right, Wes? You want a beer? Yes, he does. 291 00:18:32,110 --> 00:18:34,010 There you go. 292 00:18:43,090 --> 00:18:46,030 Hey, have you got any miniatures left from the plane? 293 00:18:47,770 --> 00:18:48,820 Miniatures? No. 294 00:18:50,030 --> 00:18:51,230 Didn't we have one left? 295 00:18:51,370 --> 00:18:53,300 I drank it on the train. You were asleep. 296 00:18:53,770 --> 00:18:54,820 Oh. 297 00:18:54,890 --> 00:18:55,940 Thanks very much. 298 00:18:57,830 --> 00:18:59,970 Well, this is lovely, isn't it? 299 00:19:00,341 --> 00:19:04,509 Have you seen that deer's head over there? 300 00:19:04,510 --> 00:19:06,250 Where? Over there. 301 00:19:11,570 --> 00:19:12,620 What about it? 302 00:19:14,390 --> 00:19:16,570 Just nice, isn't it? Nice deer. 303 00:19:16,790 --> 00:19:19,650 Oh, that's not a deer. That's an elk. 304 00:19:20,790 --> 00:19:22,010 This is not whiskey. 305 00:19:22,210 --> 00:19:23,260 It's whiskey. 306 00:19:23,671 --> 00:19:25,399 It's tea. 307 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:26,450 Whiskey. It's tea. 308 00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,780 Sure seems like whiskey. Tea. 309 00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:31,840 Whiskey. It's tea. It's whiskey. 310 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:36,140 Oh, that's tea. 311 00:19:37,700 --> 00:19:39,560 Whiskey. It was tea. 312 00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:45,340 It was whiskey. 313 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:53,260 Well, I remember when we were kids, you were always a sheriff. 314 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:55,140 I was always the deputy. 315 00:19:57,340 --> 00:20:04,199 And that sheriff's badge you had, the one you thought you lost, you didn't 316 00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:05,250 it. 317 00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:07,250 I stole it. 318 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:10,610 Here it is. 319 00:20:14,820 --> 00:20:15,870 Sorry, Bill. 320 00:20:17,380 --> 00:20:19,320 No need to apologize, Frank. 321 00:20:19,321 --> 00:20:21,139 Who are you? 322 00:20:21,140 --> 00:20:22,190 Name's Jack. 323 00:20:22,270 --> 00:20:23,650 Folks call me Rattlesnake. 324 00:20:25,270 --> 00:20:27,330 Frank. Frank Cottam, Bill's brother. 325 00:20:27,331 --> 00:20:30,809 My daddy owns the land from here all the way up to the mountain. 326 00:20:30,810 --> 00:20:32,290 Old Bill used to pay me rent. 327 00:20:32,291 --> 00:20:36,649 Oh, you mean you want me to... The only rent Bill ever paid me was a good cup of 328 00:20:36,650 --> 00:20:39,670 coffee and a few stories about the Hell East End. 329 00:20:40,810 --> 00:20:42,950 Well, I think I can manage that. 330 00:20:44,070 --> 00:20:46,610 So do you know a bloke called Bill Cottam? 331 00:20:46,870 --> 00:20:48,790 Apparently he pans for gold round here. 332 00:20:49,030 --> 00:20:53,019 Sure. That's Bill sitting right over here with the bar tea boys. Bill, say 333 00:20:53,020 --> 00:20:54,070 hello. 334 00:20:57,320 --> 00:21:00,020 It's getting quite busy in here today, isn't it? 335 00:21:00,420 --> 00:21:05,039 Oh, yeah, it's always like this on a Friday night. You know, we have the 336 00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:08,480 wrestling, followed by the drink the spittoon competition. 337 00:21:09,900 --> 00:21:11,580 That's when the fun really starts. 338 00:21:12,380 --> 00:21:17,240 So, Edsel, you strange man, this is whiskey. 339 00:21:18,990 --> 00:21:20,040 Yeah. 340 00:21:20,390 --> 00:21:23,390 Do you have any tea? 341 00:21:24,490 --> 00:21:27,750 Tea? Boy, everybody's asking for tea today. 342 00:21:28,110 --> 00:21:30,530 Sure, we've got tea. We've got tons of it. 343 00:21:30,890 --> 00:21:33,250 Maisie, tea for two in the crush bar. 344 00:21:34,070 --> 00:21:35,120 Crush bar. 345 00:21:36,510 --> 00:21:37,950 All right, whose dog is that? 346 00:21:38,910 --> 00:21:41,010 Maisie, tea for two. 347 00:21:42,650 --> 00:21:45,850 You, Maisie, wait over here, love. Give us your answer. 348 00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:49,280 We're dying of birds down here. 349 00:21:49,620 --> 00:21:50,940 You want something, boys? 350 00:21:57,980 --> 00:21:59,030 Hello, Maisie. 351 00:22:00,180 --> 00:22:02,320 I'm Dave. This is my assistant, Bob. 352 00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:04,010 We're from London. 353 00:22:05,460 --> 00:22:07,740 We would like two teas, please. 354 00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,640 You came all this way just to make fun of my pa. 355 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:14,300 I'll get your tea. 356 00:22:18,470 --> 00:22:19,610 This is the life. 357 00:22:20,930 --> 00:22:22,030 Just like old Bill. 358 00:22:22,450 --> 00:22:23,500 You're a born cowboy. 359 00:22:25,310 --> 00:22:27,110 So did he make a living? 360 00:22:28,090 --> 00:22:31,700 There's more gold in my grandmother's teeth than there is in that river. 361 00:22:31,730 --> 00:22:32,780 Why? 362 00:22:32,781 --> 00:22:36,349 There's worse things to do with your retirement. 363 00:22:36,350 --> 00:22:37,400 You retired? 364 00:22:37,830 --> 00:22:39,870 Sort of. I left England in a bit of a hurry. 365 00:22:42,610 --> 00:22:44,930 Don't you have any family back in England? 366 00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:49,870 Truth is, Jack, I came out here because I wanted to get away. 367 00:22:50,460 --> 00:22:51,510 Understood, Frank. 368 00:22:52,780 --> 00:22:55,400 You know, Bison Breath's a small town. 369 00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:57,640 Want me to look out for strangers? 370 00:22:58,460 --> 00:23:01,240 I don't think anyone will manage to track me down here. 371 00:23:01,311 --> 00:23:03,259 More coffee? 372 00:23:03,260 --> 00:23:04,310 Yes, sir. 373 00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:10,330 Two teas. 374 00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:11,490 Oh. 375 00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:14,580 My sweet colonial prairie flower. 376 00:23:16,970 --> 00:23:18,550 This sure reminds me of home. 377 00:23:18,810 --> 00:23:22,360 Those long summer afternoons on the croaky lawn back at Mama's castle. 378 00:23:24,970 --> 00:23:29,730 It sticks out a bit, Mama's castle in the middle of a great big council 379 00:23:31,550 --> 00:23:33,210 Let me see. 380 00:23:34,810 --> 00:23:36,470 Oh, poor thing. 381 00:23:37,710 --> 00:23:39,650 OK, so he got stung by a wasp. 382 00:23:41,870 --> 00:23:43,490 He gets these allergies, you see. 383 00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:47,000 He's allergic to daft things like kettles. 384 00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:50,010 Rabbits. 385 00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:52,330 Scuttling. 386 00:23:52,820 --> 00:23:54,320 He's no good trying to help you. 387 00:23:54,340 --> 00:23:56,320 He's probably allergic to your perfume. 388 00:23:57,080 --> 00:24:00,750 No, honestly, you're supposed to wear special gloves when you touch him. 389 00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:04,720 You know that thing old women get? 390 00:24:05,460 --> 00:24:07,760 Thin bones, not enough milk during the war. 391 00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:10,930 Osteoparenthesis. 392 00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:14,430 He's like a member of the Russian royal family. 393 00:24:14,780 --> 00:24:16,180 Sheds his skin like a snake. 394 00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:19,340 Hornets around here are real bad. 395 00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:21,020 Sure, they look pretty. 396 00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:24,580 But they've got that nasty sting in their tail. 397 00:24:44,979 --> 00:24:46,260 Edsel, that's real beer. 398 00:24:46,700 --> 00:24:47,750 Oh, yeah. 399 00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:50,730 That's Jack's beer. Nobody else can touch it. Hey, Maisie! 400 00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:51,890 Jack here! 401 00:24:53,220 --> 00:24:59,339 Edsel, Eddie Baby, this rattlesnake Jack, does he as a rule actually drink 402 00:24:59,340 --> 00:25:03,159 beer or does it tend to evaporate over a period of weeks? Oh, he drinks it all 403 00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:04,210 right. 404 00:25:05,060 --> 00:25:09,900 By your demeanour, are we to imagine that he hasn't made his entrance yet? 405 00:25:10,120 --> 00:25:12,040 Oh, yeah, he's still tying up his horse. 406 00:25:13,909 --> 00:25:16,650 And so, Wes wants a word. What? 407 00:25:16,930 --> 00:25:19,110 What? But, Jack! Oh, Wes! 408 00:25:21,210 --> 00:25:23,110 Don't put your nose cream in the end. 409 00:25:23,990 --> 00:25:27,090 Bullets is real! Yeah, just as you like it, nice and cold. 410 00:25:28,150 --> 00:25:29,200 Howdy, stranger. 411 00:25:30,150 --> 00:25:31,200 Amazing! 412 00:25:31,201 --> 00:25:31,889 Hey, Jack! 413 00:25:31,890 --> 00:25:32,940 Hey, 414 00:25:33,330 --> 00:25:34,930 Jack, here's your rent. 415 00:25:36,510 --> 00:25:38,950 Yeah, Jack's daddy owns the saloon. 416 00:25:39,430 --> 00:25:41,420 Owns the whole town, as a matter of fact. 417 00:25:41,510 --> 00:25:42,560 I think that's all. 418 00:25:42,830 --> 00:25:44,820 Hey, I think Davy wants to be here. Davy? 419 00:25:44,890 --> 00:25:47,780 He hasn't been the same since the whorehouse burned down. 420 00:25:48,050 --> 00:25:51,330 It might be safe, Jack. What a wonderful town you have here. 421 00:25:52,150 --> 00:25:55,990 Yes, it's just like Nuneaton after a direct hit from a cruise missile. 422 00:25:57,610 --> 00:25:59,230 What brings you fellas out here? 423 00:25:59,270 --> 00:26:01,930 We're looking for a bloke called Frank Cotton. 424 00:26:02,430 --> 00:26:03,930 His brother lives around here. 425 00:26:04,130 --> 00:26:05,390 You mean old Bill Cotton? 426 00:26:05,990 --> 00:26:09,230 Sure. Yeah, he lives about two miles from here by the Spray River. 427 00:26:09,551 --> 00:26:13,819 I'm glad you talked to him. He's collecting my rent. 428 00:26:13,820 --> 00:26:15,320 But, Jack, that's impossible. 429 00:26:15,360 --> 00:26:16,410 Bill... He's fine. 430 00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:17,690 Just fine. 431 00:26:18,860 --> 00:26:20,360 Didn't see no brother, though. 432 00:26:21,360 --> 00:26:22,410 Just old Bill. 433 00:26:23,180 --> 00:26:24,230 All alone. 434 00:26:25,120 --> 00:26:28,820 Hey, why don't you guys go out? See him. Sure, he'd like some company. 435 00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:30,760 Well, Maisie, I gotta go. 436 00:26:48,780 --> 00:26:50,280 I'd really use a sink back here. 437 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,180 Frank, you've got trouble. 438 00:27:08,420 --> 00:27:09,820 Trouble? Two guys. 439 00:27:10,020 --> 00:27:14,039 One about this high. Real pain in the ass. Now they're thin. Looks like a 440 00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:16,900 ferret. Has this really strange accent. 441 00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:18,490 I don't believe it. 442 00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:20,300 Have they gone mad? 443 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:23,450 Listen, Frank. They've sent Briggs and Louie. It's okay. 444 00:27:24,900 --> 00:27:25,950 I got an idea. 445 00:27:28,380 --> 00:27:29,430 Hey! 446 00:27:29,700 --> 00:27:30,750 Hey! 447 00:27:33,660 --> 00:27:38,620 Hello. I'm D .C. Briggs. This is D .C. Louie. You must be... Bill! 448 00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:40,090 Bill Cullen. 449 00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:42,130 Old Bill. 450 00:27:43,060 --> 00:27:44,110 You're Old Bill. 451 00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:45,860 And we're Old Bill. 452 00:27:48,940 --> 00:27:49,990 OK. 453 00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:51,210 So where is he? 454 00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:52,530 Who? 455 00:27:52,900 --> 00:27:54,180 You know who we're after. 456 00:27:54,700 --> 00:27:55,750 Your brother, Frank. 457 00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:57,090 I don't know. 458 00:27:57,260 --> 00:27:59,480 Is he here? You sure? 459 00:27:59,820 --> 00:28:03,980 Yep. Anything you say may be taken down and used in evidence against you. 460 00:28:04,180 --> 00:28:05,230 Well, I don't know. 461 00:28:06,300 --> 00:28:10,379 If he 462 00:28:10,380 --> 00:28:17,219 is here, you'd be doing him a favour by telling 463 00:28:17,220 --> 00:28:18,270 us. 464 00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:22,620 We realise Frank has had his problems, but he won't solve them by running away. 465 00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:26,390 You see, Bill, your brother has been through the mill a bit lately. 466 00:28:27,020 --> 00:28:32,139 He doesn't know this, but his wife's been having an affair with a senior meat 467 00:28:32,140 --> 00:28:34,860 buyer from the local Sainsbury's for about a year now. 468 00:28:35,420 --> 00:28:36,540 Poor old super. 469 00:28:36,541 --> 00:28:40,599 Thought he was getting best knuckle end every Sunday because his wife won the in 470 00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:41,650 -store raffle. 471 00:28:42,100 --> 00:28:44,780 But no, it was meat for treats. 472 00:28:45,900 --> 00:28:47,740 He can't blame her, apparently. 473 00:28:47,741 --> 00:28:51,279 According to the canteen gossip for the last couple of years, he hasn't been 474 00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:53,860 able to, um... You know. 475 00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:58,160 And to cap it all, he now blames himself for killing an unarmed man. 476 00:28:58,780 --> 00:28:59,830 With good reason. 477 00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:03,720 So if you see him... We'll be in town. 478 00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:07,320 Oh, and don't mention his dog, Bluey, whatever you do. 479 00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:09,380 He loves that dog. 480 00:29:09,820 --> 00:29:12,500 When Frank left, it died of a broken heart. 481 00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:15,210 Send him to us. 482 00:29:15,980 --> 00:29:17,030 We'll look after him. 483 00:29:18,990 --> 00:29:20,040 We're here to help. 484 00:29:29,150 --> 00:29:33,150 Well, if he isn't here, where the hell is he? 485 00:29:33,510 --> 00:29:36,410 500 quid down the swanee. We had 500 pounds on this. 486 00:29:36,630 --> 00:29:38,230 We'll keep it to ourselves. 487 00:29:39,730 --> 00:29:41,630 At least until we've got a bit of a tan. 488 00:29:42,690 --> 00:29:44,650 He was a funny bloke, Bill, wasn't he? 489 00:29:44,651 --> 00:29:48,619 Hardly surprising, living out here for 30 years with nobody to talk to except 490 00:29:48,620 --> 00:29:50,840 Edsel and the odd curious elk. 491 00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:53,400 He didn't say a lot, did he? 492 00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:56,360 Probably forgotten how to talk. 493 00:29:57,440 --> 00:29:58,490 White Tarzan. 494 00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:01,400 He hasn't even got Jane, has he? 495 00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:04,080 He hasn't even got that chimp. 496 00:30:05,300 --> 00:30:06,350 What was he called? 497 00:30:06,700 --> 00:30:07,750 Cheetah. 498 00:30:08,260 --> 00:30:09,360 No, that was Daktari. 499 00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:13,080 I wonder what he does for sex. 500 00:30:15,850 --> 00:30:16,900 Same as us, I suppose. 501 00:30:17,090 --> 00:30:20,330 Non -stop, one in her bed, sex romps with imaginary spice. 502 00:30:23,430 --> 00:30:28,670 Mind you, according to that, he's been dead since 1995, so who cares? 503 00:30:33,550 --> 00:30:34,600 According to what? 504 00:30:36,290 --> 00:30:38,090 According to that thing on his grave. 505 00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:50,399 Pathetic disguise fooled us. I knew it was you. I recognised the smell of your 506 00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:54,719 hair restorer. Eh? Eh? It penetrated through your beaver musk. All right, all 507 00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:56,280 right, so you found me. Now what? 508 00:30:57,100 --> 00:30:59,210 Look, I'm not going back on this, are you? 509 00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:00,800 What are you going to do, sir? 510 00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:03,770 I'm going to prospect for gold like Billy did. 511 00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:07,690 Something I've always wanted to do. Something I've always dreamed of. 512 00:31:08,060 --> 00:31:12,379 But, sir, your brother did that for 30 years and he couldn't even afford a baby 513 00:31:12,380 --> 00:31:15,320 Belling. I like cooking over an open fire. 514 00:31:15,740 --> 00:31:16,880 It's all part of the fun. 515 00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:21,840 But what are you cooking, sir? 516 00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:23,090 I'm starving. 517 00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:25,650 Fish. 518 00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:27,980 Caught it myself this morning. 519 00:31:32,820 --> 00:31:36,310 Well, what we don't eat we can always take away in a doggy bag, eh, Bob? 520 00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:37,860 And that's another thing. 521 00:31:37,940 --> 00:31:39,990 I'll have a much healthier diet out here. 522 00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:43,340 That free meat on Sundays was making me fat. 523 00:31:43,341 --> 00:31:47,869 Tucking my trousers in all places at all times before I left. 524 00:31:47,870 --> 00:31:52,129 Talking about touching trousers, sir, I'm sorry about letting on about the 525 00:31:52,130 --> 00:31:54,300 from Sainsbury's. Oh, I've known for years. 526 00:31:55,310 --> 00:31:59,169 You don't get routinely waved into the eight items or less queue with a full 527 00:31:59,170 --> 00:32:02,450 trolley unless your wife's having an affair. Remember that. 528 00:32:05,610 --> 00:32:06,660 Yes, sir. 529 00:32:07,110 --> 00:32:11,189 I'm sure she's worried about you, sir. The only thing she's worried about is my 530 00:32:11,190 --> 00:32:12,240 insurance policy. 531 00:32:12,270 --> 00:32:13,320 Well, what about us? 532 00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:17,919 We're worried about you. The whole division is. I've never known the bloke 533 00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:20,810 anxious to find out who's won, find out where somebody is. 534 00:32:20,811 --> 00:32:22,659 And then there's the commissioner. 535 00:32:22,660 --> 00:32:27,139 He asked us personally to... The commissioner is only worried about the 536 00:32:27,140 --> 00:32:29,670 reputation of the force. He's not worried about me. 537 00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:32,740 Nobody worries about me. 538 00:32:37,060 --> 00:32:40,560 Sir, your stickleback's on fire. 539 00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:49,170 OK. OK. 540 00:32:49,860 --> 00:32:51,700 I see a man in pain. 541 00:32:52,620 --> 00:32:54,920 I see a man adrift in the wilderness. 542 00:32:55,980 --> 00:33:00,839 I see a man impotent in the face of the Grim Reaper. What? Have you met his 543 00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:01,890 wife? 544 00:33:02,860 --> 00:33:07,280 You see, Bob, the super's problem has got nothing to do with shooting cons. 545 00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:09,860 It's about manhood. 546 00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:11,620 It's about his age. 547 00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:16,360 Think of your body as a map of Britain. 548 00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:21,920 Your chest is Chester, your bum is Broadstairs, and your head is the 549 00:33:23,580 --> 00:33:26,170 Or in your case, more particularly, the Isle of Egg. 550 00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:29,920 You can't even get a drink of pig in water in this town. 551 00:33:30,460 --> 00:33:36,360 As a young man at the height of your passion, your manhood points at Preston. 552 00:33:36,820 --> 00:33:38,980 As time passes, it points at Prestatyn. 553 00:33:38,981 --> 00:33:42,219 In middle age, it's Aberystwyth, if you're lucky. 554 00:33:42,220 --> 00:33:43,600 Swansea, if you like a drink. 555 00:33:44,280 --> 00:33:45,330 Good job. 556 00:33:45,470 --> 00:33:51,149 In later years, when you're fully aroused and you find Percy pointing at 557 00:33:51,150 --> 00:33:57,070 Portsmouth... Well, you can pump it all you want. It still won't come. 558 00:34:14,989 --> 00:34:16,039 Not good. 559 00:34:16,330 --> 00:34:17,530 They found Bill's grave. 560 00:34:17,929 --> 00:34:18,979 That's too bad. 561 00:34:19,610 --> 00:34:20,690 People stick around? 562 00:34:20,870 --> 00:34:21,920 Of course they will. 563 00:34:22,090 --> 00:34:23,140 They're on holiday. 564 00:34:23,590 --> 00:34:24,790 And they're on expenses. 565 00:34:25,370 --> 00:34:30,110 Frank, your brother, well, he was like a father to me. 566 00:34:30,510 --> 00:34:34,909 And any brother of the guy who's pretty much my father is my brother. 567 00:34:36,210 --> 00:34:39,369 Wouldn't that make me your uncle? 568 00:34:39,370 --> 00:34:42,510 What I'm saying is that you want those guys to run out of town. 569 00:34:42,909 --> 00:34:44,289 I don't want any rough stuff. 570 00:34:44,489 --> 00:34:45,539 It's up to you. 571 00:34:47,030 --> 00:34:49,560 What I mean is they're both pathological cowards. 572 00:34:50,110 --> 00:34:51,670 Just a threat might do the trick. 573 00:34:55,370 --> 00:34:56,510 It's a long shot, Bob. 574 00:34:57,110 --> 00:34:59,850 But it's our last chance. This place must sell beer. 575 00:35:12,430 --> 00:35:16,160 The owner of the Last Chance Saloon is also the owner of the No Chance Offer. 576 00:35:16,810 --> 00:35:18,350 What can I do for you fellas? 577 00:35:18,610 --> 00:35:22,389 We'd like 12 cans of lager, please, preferably with a widget and photos of 578 00:35:22,390 --> 00:35:23,470 in bikinis on the side. 579 00:35:23,650 --> 00:35:27,650 Hey, want to try some Bison Creek moonshine? 580 00:35:29,030 --> 00:35:30,310 Moonshine? Yeah. 581 00:35:31,450 --> 00:35:32,500 You want some? 582 00:35:33,710 --> 00:35:36,090 Is it strong? 583 00:35:37,910 --> 00:35:38,960 Try it. 584 00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:45,840 Do you make this yourself? 585 00:35:46,880 --> 00:35:47,930 Don't make it. 586 00:35:49,020 --> 00:35:50,440 Falls from the sky. 587 00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:56,240 What? You mean rainwater? 588 00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:59,560 Yeah. That's 21 years old. 589 00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:04,260 Hey, I got some melted snow out back if you want some. 590 00:36:04,471 --> 00:36:08,599 And that's when I'll come in. Understand? 591 00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:09,650 Yeah, I understand. 592 00:36:22,670 --> 00:36:25,110 Mr Rattlesnake, could we have a word? 593 00:36:27,150 --> 00:36:28,200 I'm listening. 594 00:36:28,390 --> 00:36:32,030 Well, we haven't been having much luck on the alcohol front lately. 595 00:36:32,910 --> 00:36:37,330 Our holiday is turning into a sort of mythological quest for beer. 596 00:36:38,590 --> 00:36:43,489 And, well, you know your special supplier beer behind the bar that no 597 00:36:43,490 --> 00:36:44,540 touch except you? 598 00:36:44,541 --> 00:36:48,029 And seeing as how we're visitors to this wonderful country of yours... And we 599 00:36:48,030 --> 00:36:50,380 all live in the Commonwealth and share a queen. 600 00:36:52,300 --> 00:36:55,540 Maybe. Give the boys a couple of beer. 601 00:36:56,900 --> 00:36:57,950 Brilliant. 602 00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:02,440 Now, I thought we are getting someone. 603 00:37:03,340 --> 00:37:07,400 Dave, you don't think we've got a drink problem, do you? 604 00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:11,410 Not anymore. 605 00:37:12,100 --> 00:37:18,159 Cheers. If you want anything else, stranger, I mean 606 00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:21,660 anything, you'll have. 607 00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:32,590 After we've had a couple of beers, we could go for a walk up the mountain. 608 00:37:33,380 --> 00:37:34,430 Might see a moose. 609 00:37:37,700 --> 00:37:41,740 Or we could go pony trekking or something. 610 00:37:42,380 --> 00:37:48,900 The scenery round here is simply... Breathtaking. 611 00:37:50,220 --> 00:37:52,000 Stop doing that. 612 00:37:52,600 --> 00:37:55,740 Sorry? You're making a fool of yourself. 613 00:37:57,800 --> 00:37:59,180 Well, she started it. 614 00:38:15,020 --> 00:38:16,500 You stop it now. 615 00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:18,100 I'm not doing anything. 616 00:38:21,500 --> 00:38:22,940 Oh, my God, she's coming over. 617 00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:32,800 pocket, or are you just pleased to see me? 618 00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:36,210 No. 619 00:38:36,560 --> 00:38:38,000 Actually, it's my inhaler. 620 00:38:40,720 --> 00:38:42,240 I'm allergic to tree pollen. 621 00:38:42,600 --> 00:38:44,020 I told you he was a freak. 622 00:39:09,230 --> 00:39:11,210 Two friends. Now, hang on a minute. 623 00:39:12,850 --> 00:39:15,590 Hey, who are you shoving? I'm shoving you. 624 00:39:16,910 --> 00:39:20,040 Jack, remember the last time you got all fired up and jealous? 625 00:39:20,170 --> 00:39:23,010 Remember those two guys from this job? Sure, I remember. 626 00:39:23,350 --> 00:39:25,350 They died with their boots off. 627 00:39:25,990 --> 00:39:29,170 Any man who messes with my maze, he has to answer to me. 628 00:39:30,410 --> 00:39:31,570 Oh, you guys. 629 00:39:32,490 --> 00:39:35,910 I want you two out of my town by sunset. 630 00:39:36,530 --> 00:39:37,580 Either that. 631 00:39:38,410 --> 00:39:41,570 Meet me in Main Street, high noon tomorrow. 632 00:39:42,650 --> 00:39:44,070 Bring your shooting eyes. 633 00:39:44,450 --> 00:39:46,970 Oh, that'd make my day. 634 00:39:49,810 --> 00:39:51,010 Look at the images. 635 00:39:51,230 --> 00:39:53,570 Look at the images of manhood. 636 00:39:54,350 --> 00:39:56,790 I see you two, your manhood challenged. 637 00:39:57,650 --> 00:40:01,370 Fighting primeval urges to kill, wound, conquer. 638 00:40:02,370 --> 00:40:05,950 I see a cowboy in smooth leather chaps. 639 00:40:06,570 --> 00:40:10,550 Skin. Thunder, hard, oiled. 640 00:40:10,850 --> 00:40:15,210 Sorry. So what did you do? Did you rise to this challenge to your manhood? 641 00:40:16,030 --> 00:40:18,810 No, we ran off to find the super. 642 00:40:19,830 --> 00:40:21,890 This is definitely his horse. 643 00:40:22,150 --> 00:40:24,440 What's Rattlesnake Jack doing with a super? 644 00:40:34,311 --> 00:40:39,499 How do you think they've gone? Oh, they would stick around. 645 00:40:39,500 --> 00:40:41,000 Well, here's to you and Maisie. 646 00:40:41,460 --> 00:40:43,930 Sounds like they've put on quite an act out there. 647 00:40:51,460 --> 00:40:52,510 The super. 648 00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:54,980 The little Quisling. 649 00:40:55,960 --> 00:40:58,310 I think revenge is called for, don't you, Bob? 650 00:40:58,340 --> 00:40:59,390 Yes. 651 00:40:59,580 --> 00:41:03,680 Let's make some funny noise. Let's pretend to be bears. That'll get him 652 00:41:04,020 --> 00:41:05,820 Yeah, that's a good plan, Bob. 653 00:41:06,710 --> 00:41:09,530 But revenge is a dish best served old, isn't it? 654 00:41:10,490 --> 00:41:16,430 Good night, Frank. 655 00:41:16,950 --> 00:41:18,090 See you soon, Jack. 656 00:41:18,590 --> 00:41:19,640 And thanks. 657 00:41:21,070 --> 00:41:22,170 My pleasure. 658 00:41:24,110 --> 00:41:25,570 Our plan was simple. 659 00:41:25,810 --> 00:41:29,630 We waited until sunrise when the super went panning for gold. 660 00:41:29,890 --> 00:41:33,320 Then we got into the shack and rummaged through old Bill's wardrobe. 661 00:41:33,450 --> 00:41:38,450 The minute Frank set eyes on us, he knew we planned to turn a fire on him. 662 00:41:39,150 --> 00:41:40,510 That'll snake the act. 663 00:41:42,701 --> 00:41:50,109 Hope you don't mind, sir, but we've borrowed some of your brother's clothes. 664 00:41:50,110 --> 00:41:51,160 And his guns. 665 00:41:51,690 --> 00:41:54,170 Lads. Lads, this is ridiculous. 666 00:41:54,850 --> 00:41:56,110 Our minds are made up, sir. 667 00:41:56,990 --> 00:42:00,420 We're not leaving here until you agree to come back to London with us. 668 00:42:00,570 --> 00:42:03,390 Either that or we leave this town in a pawn box. 669 00:42:05,230 --> 00:42:08,390 Thanks. Louis, you're a coward. 670 00:42:09,830 --> 00:42:13,450 Where I come from, that's fat and tall. 671 00:42:13,830 --> 00:42:15,450 You come from Cheadle. 672 00:42:17,250 --> 00:42:18,870 Look, maybe the sun's got to you. 673 00:42:20,030 --> 00:42:21,450 You can't do this. 674 00:42:21,750 --> 00:42:23,490 Look, sir, we're doing this for you. 675 00:42:23,890 --> 00:42:26,540 We're doing this because the Met always gets its man. 676 00:42:27,990 --> 00:42:29,040 And anyway... 677 00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:31,740 We want you back where you belong. 678 00:43:20,420 --> 00:43:21,840 Rattlesnake Jack! 679 00:43:22,460 --> 00:43:24,080 You never... 680 00:43:31,050 --> 00:43:32,100 It's noon, Jack. 681 00:43:33,390 --> 00:43:34,440 We're waiting. 682 00:43:36,910 --> 00:43:40,550 What the... Come on down, Jack. 683 00:43:42,830 --> 00:43:45,370 Reckon it's a good day to die. 684 00:43:48,590 --> 00:43:50,230 What the hell are you guys doing? 685 00:43:51,850 --> 00:43:53,910 I'm the Manchester Mongoose. 686 00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:02,100 And I'm the solely old secretary bird. 687 00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:09,780 The secretary bird, it's a big bird in Africa. 688 00:44:10,540 --> 00:44:12,740 It eats snakes as well. 689 00:44:13,180 --> 00:44:15,260 I saw it on the television. 690 00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:21,580 Look, guys, I think we have a sort of misunderstanding here. 691 00:44:21,581 --> 00:44:23,819 What the hell do they think they're doing? 692 00:44:23,820 --> 00:44:24,870 They mean it. 693 00:44:27,020 --> 00:44:28,500 Go! Go ahead, Jack. 694 00:44:29,740 --> 00:44:31,120 Make your play. 695 00:44:31,460 --> 00:44:34,280 Now, guys, come on. This has gone far enough. 696 00:44:34,600 --> 00:44:36,840 Stay out of this, little lady. 697 00:44:37,700 --> 00:44:40,780 Look, guys, we can talk about this. 698 00:44:41,700 --> 00:44:46,660 Say, Bob, I reckon this guy is yellow. 699 00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:50,320 I reckon he's a greenhorn. 700 00:44:51,680 --> 00:44:53,300 He's a yellow greenhorn. 701 00:44:53,540 --> 00:44:54,590 I ain't yellow. 702 00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:56,210 Oh! 703 00:44:58,860 --> 00:45:02,520 I can call him whom a yellow greenhorn has made him see red. 704 00:45:06,600 --> 00:45:08,160 Colourful critter, ain't he? 705 00:45:08,500 --> 00:45:11,500 I don't have a gun. 706 00:45:13,880 --> 00:45:15,120 So you give in, then? 707 00:45:19,600 --> 00:45:21,140 Yeah, I give in. 708 00:45:21,500 --> 00:45:23,300 You admit you're a coward and we win? 709 00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:29,239 Yeah. You admit that Canada are crap at soccer and that... Basically, you're 710 00:45:29,240 --> 00:45:32,300 just big, girly Americans with a silly twig on your flag. 711 00:45:34,740 --> 00:45:35,900 Here you go, Jack. 712 00:45:39,980 --> 00:45:41,220 Little bullet hole. 713 00:46:10,510 --> 00:46:13,990 One of us runs off, and the other apologises. 714 00:46:16,190 --> 00:46:17,240 Which one? 715 00:46:19,150 --> 00:46:21,270 One, two, three, scissors! 716 00:46:23,430 --> 00:46:24,480 Thanks, Louie. 717 00:46:25,290 --> 00:46:26,910 Put down those scissors. 718 00:46:31,030 --> 00:46:32,080 I've decided. 719 00:46:32,870 --> 00:46:36,549 If you two were prepared to risk your lives for me, maybe there really is 720 00:46:36,550 --> 00:46:38,110 something worth going home for. 721 00:46:57,339 --> 00:46:59,900 It must have been hell for you out there. 722 00:47:01,180 --> 00:47:05,439 It must have hurt you two a lot to see a man you'd always looked up to humbled 723 00:47:05,440 --> 00:47:06,490 like that. 724 00:47:06,700 --> 00:47:08,040 Yes! Yes! 725 00:47:08,041 --> 00:47:10,819 No wonder you both applied for early retirement. 726 00:47:10,820 --> 00:47:11,870 You got any plans? 727 00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:13,250 Oh. 728 00:47:14,400 --> 00:47:15,450 Usual. 729 00:47:15,680 --> 00:47:17,780 Retired coppers, no real qualifications. 730 00:47:18,540 --> 00:47:21,940 We found a little pub. It's in the middle of nowhere. 731 00:47:22,960 --> 00:47:24,010 Sure, sure. 732 00:47:24,490 --> 00:47:28,289 Yeah, the old man's retiring, the daughter's getting married. It's a bit 733 00:47:28,290 --> 00:47:29,340 at the moment. 734 00:47:29,670 --> 00:47:35,530 A bit of imagination could turn out to be a little goldmine. 735 00:47:35,580 --> 00:47:40,130 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 55702

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