All language subtitles for The Detectives s05e05 Best Man

How red we are.

To the marriage of Paul Morris
Farnborough and Hazel Matilda Rudge.

Or should I say D .C. Farnborough and P
.C. Rudge.

On the way here this morning, I saw some
chaps digging up the road.

And you know, in many ways, men digging
up the road is a bit like the story of

St. Peter.

We can't just go barging in like that.
We can sneak in and sit at the back. I

can't sit at the back. I'm best man.

Stan, you shouldn't be here at all.

Your place is next to the bridegroom
with a hip flask, a set of keys to a

car in case he changes his mind.

Right. We wait for Jerusalem and then we
storm in on a wave of patriotic

emotion.

What are you grinning at?

Nothing.

Some of the lads had a sweepstake.

You being best man and all.

Estimated time of arrival.

You put money on me being 15 minutes
late.

You did it on purpose.

You weren't trying to fix the car at
all. You deliberately held us up.

Not even there.

For your information, I actually bet on
you being bang on time. Actually, I had

faith in you. Why did I use my tie as a
car thunder?

And why did I try and fix your
distribution cap? Tell me, tell me. And

wasn't for my bright idea of phoning
Derek from the clamping unit, we'd still

on the arch shoulder.

You mean me being on time?

I had 15 quid on you, pal.

Who won?

15 minutes late, middle of Jerusalem.

No, sir.

We're on.

What's my time?

You're lucky you've got a tie. I left
mine dangling on your big end.

And I'm done.

be on time but... The

congregation

may sit.

And if we are all gathered, perhaps I
could ask the bride and groom to step

forward.

Jesus Christ!

Okay, ladies and gentlemen, can we have
the bride and groom in, nice and close

together, looking straight down the
camera at me, looking straight here.

that nice and happy. Come on, that's it.

Great, lovely.

But can we have the best man in as well,
please? In you come, sir. Nice and

close. Come on, let's be happy. Here we
go.

Lovely.

Farnsley wanted me as his best man, not
you.

You've been planning this in your evil
little mind for weeks.

It's very good stuff.

This is very childish, you know.

You couldn't stand it, could you?

You couldn't stand the thought that I
had been chosen instead of you.

Well, let me tell you something.

Farnsley chose me because he knows that
I have got breeding.

He chose me because I know how to behave
on special occasions.

Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? Well, if you're so
wonderfully sophisticated, why has the

maid of honour got a greasy handprint on
her right tit?

That was not my hand! That was your
hand! What?

Yes, we'll get Des from forensics. We're
going to get some fingerprints.

OK, all right.

Excuse me. Could you tell me where I can
find the best man? You're looking at

him, darling.

Get jealous. That's what it is, you
know.

Are you still here?

Well, don't ask me. Do I look as if I
work here?

He chose me because I know how to deal
with people.

Well, you've certainly dealt with the
bride's grandmother pretty elegantly.

Is that who that was?

Yes.

Are you sure?

It's going to be a long day, Bob.

Well, it's his own fault.

I mean, he could have asked any of us.
I've known Fancy as long as Briggs has.

I mean...

Everybody knows Briggs isn't a best
anything.

Whose idea was it to cover Briggs in
oil? And who made him late?

I think Briggs managed to cop things up
all on his own.

You, do what you can to make sure this
wedding goes smoothly.

And that's an order.

Sir. What?

Well, me and the lads were just asking
ourselves.

Why did Farnsley choose Briggs in the
first place?

Well, that's a long story.

Oh, well, if you can't be bothered to
tell us.

You said you wanted our full
cooperation, didn't you?

OK.

The fact is, Farnsley didn't choose him.

It was the bride's father who insisted
it be Briggs.

Hang on.

I thought Hazel's father was dead. I
thought that's why you were giving her

away.

That's what everyone's supposed to
think.

Especially Farnsley's mother and father.

He's not dead.

He's inside.

In the nick.

But I want you all to keep this to
yourselves, OK?

Sir. Not a word to anyone.

What?

That's them.

And that's the groom's mother.

And she heard me.

Shouldn't the groom's parents be here?

I think she's had a bit of a turn. The
heat, you know.

I've just made a terrible faux pas.

I think he got away with it.

Oh, it's you.

Hey, we're on different tables.

Of course we are. I'm the best man.

You? You're a hanger -on. A half
-friend.

A new buddy.

I haven't got anybody to talk to.

Oh, chit -chat. Talk about, you know,
what you normally talk about over

I could talk about me infertigo. That's
come back.

Anyway, as soon as the coffees and
brandies are out of the way, we go

to the bar.

Right. I'll see you in the bar. Right.

And best of luck with the speech.

Cheers, mate.

Hello, sir. Have you seen the groom's
mother?

I should say so, sir. What a dog.

She could peg out any...

Where's your tie, Louis?

It's in Dave's car, sir.

What's it doing there?

It's sort of flapping round and round in
the engine.

Just come in, Louis. Find your name
badge on the table. Sit down and say

to anyone, OK?

Right, sir.

What happened to you?

I want to get some of this on it.

Hazel's father was set up.

Oh, they all sang that.

Times years ago, back in the 70s, he was
fitted up for an armed robbery, Blake.

And Hazel, a policewoman. Just calm down
and listen.

Back in those days, there was a lot of
police corruption.

Hazel's dad was framed.

Yeah. Now, there were two men in the
division at the time who wouldn't go

with a fit -up.

And they're both fit today.

Cotton and Briggs. Yeah.

Have you been round once already?

Oh, no. Sorry.

Say, Matt.

Give us a comment here.

Golly!

to start until the toast.

What? We get toast as well?

Perishing answer everywhere.

Ladies and gentlemen, dinner is served.

So, how long have you known my boyhood?

A long time.

I remember his first day.

Me and some of the lads handcuffed him
to a naked Cardiff City supporter.

And, uh, I understand you knew Hazel's
father.

Did I?

That's what I heard.

I thought her dad was dead.

Mr. Fulgham, could I have a quick word?

Sure.

No sign of the toast yet then.

Hoop not bad.

I've got him for Tygo.

Pass me the butter, please.

What are you going to do?

Rub it in?

Why? Does it help?

Briggs doesn't know himself why he was
chosen.

Briggs was only a PC back then. He
probably doesn't even remember the case.

But you do.

Oh, yes.

And Hazel's father really was fitted up,
hmm? Like a kipper.

And you and that man Briggs, you refused
to be part of it? I did what I could to

stop them.

And Briggs?

Well, Hazel's father believes to this
day that Briggs didn't turn up in court

that day to give evidence because he was
an honest copper.

Fact is, he was new to the job when he
got lost.

He went to the old Vic instead of the
old Bailey.

He ended up getting a walk -on part in
an Inspector Calls.

Some damn fine reviews, as I recall.

Am I supposed to believe that?

Well, the Guardian was a bit sniffy, but
the rest was fine.

Very nice, thank you.

I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I thought the pasta was a bit soft.

I thought it could have been a bit more
Al Jolson.

You mean Al Dente?

Yeah.

So, Helen.

Your name's Helen?

Yeah.

You're Bob?

Yeah.

Bob by name.

Bob by nature.

It's short for Robert.

You can write it quicker if you're in a
hurry.

So who are you with?

Oh, no one.

You? Nobody.

So your wife couldn't make it then?

Wife? Oh, I'm not married.

Oh.

Dave and I aren't the marrying kind.

Who's Dave?

He's my partner.

What do you do for a living?

Oh, very boring.

I'm a legal secretary.

Well, better than being an illegal
secretary.

So,

this Dave... Speak of the devil.

Hey, Bob, how are you? How's it going?

Fine, thanks.

Are they going to fall?

Shh!

It's that little bridesmaid, you know,
the one with the sign and the black

I read this article in a women's
magazine.

They reckon you're ten times more likely
to pull at a wedding than you are at a

disco. It's true, really.

So in your case, that would be ten times
nothing.

Yeah, yeah, right, yeah.

Er, tennis elbow.

Then

he

says there were only two men in the
division who wouldn't go along with it.

was the super and Briggs.

Briggs? That's why her dad wanted the
super to give her away and Briggs to be

best man.

Didn't realise Briggs had that sort of
integrity.

Have you seen Briggs?

Yeah, he's in the car to be rehearsing
his speech.

Probably writing down some jokes off the
wall.

Oh, all right, Bob.

Get us a G &T, not a... beer.

I think I might have pulled.

She keeps asking about Dave.

Speaking of Dave, you two have been
working together a long time now,

you? Do you think there's such a thing
as love at first sight?

Yeah, well, we know you're close.

But do you know anything about some case
in the 70s?

A fit -up?

I'd better get back.

How do I look?

Like a lizard in a suit.

Damn.

Here, what does me breath smell like?

Jim.

Damn.

It's me.

What do you want?

I need to talk to you.

What about?

I need to look at your speech. I need to
check it over, just in case. In case of

what? Look, let me in.

I just don't want you to get up in front
of everyone and say something by

accident that would let Flip about the
two of us. The two of us?

Look, you have no idea why you and I are
here together, do you? What do you

mean? I've kept this from you for years.

It's something that goes back to when
you were a young man in uniform and I

a frustrated DC.

I shielded you from it.

I didn't even want you to know there was
such a thing as a bent copper.

I've got to go.

But just let me look at it.

I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

How long's yours?

Oh,

it's you, Louis.

Look, Dave and I are having a private
chat here. We'd prefer it if you weren't

here. Yes, sir.

Understood, sir.

Wait a minute, Bob.

I'm coming with you.

Don't blame you, Dave.

But, Dave!

Well, Dave.

You know, the best man. Oh, yes.

Well, I was in the toilet washing my
mouth out with degreaser.

And I lived in the cubicle with the
super.

Ah.

And you're upset.

Upset?

How long have you and Dave been
partners?

I'll be back.

Same old story.

If they're not married, they're gay.

I overheard a conversation in the car
seat earlier.

And me.

And we reckon there's a side to your
mate Briggs that none of us ever

before.

You heard it as well.

You know about Briggs and the super.

So it's true.

Must be.

And I let him use me truncheon and
everything.

We think it's marvellous.

Eh? There should be more people like
that in the force.

How are you doing?

Oh, I'm all right, sir.

Nervous?

I'm going to knock them dead.

We haven't got much time, so I'm going
to have to come clean with you.

Hazel's father is not dead.

He's in prison.

You what?

Just listen, OK?

I don't want any reference to prison in
that speech of yours, got it?

That's an order.

Prison. Prison, prison, prison, prison,
prison, prison.

Ball and chain.

Cross it out.

Life sentence.

Out.

Breath like a slopping out bucket.

Okay.

He was put away for armed robbery.

So no reference to banks, guns or
stockings over the head.

Stockings. The fact is, Hayden's dad was
fitted up. So we can't have any mention

of police corruption.

That's half my axe. Briggs.

Fine.

Good. I think that's about everything.

Okay?

Yeah, great.

Can I just, you know, like, you know,
run this by you as it stands?

Hello, ladies and gentlemen.

Don't the bridesmaids look lovely? Two
pieces of string walked into a pub.

you and good night.

Great.

You don't think it sounds a tad bizarre?

Tommy! Hello, Frank.

I'll change my mind.

The governor gave me compassionate
parole.

And this must be that young, fresh
-faced Bobby.

Ladies and gentlemen, would you please
take your places for the speeches?

It makes you proud, doesn't it, to see
them up there together?

I'll tell you something, though, Bob.

It could have been either of you.

You both got it in you.

What do you mean, mate?

Ladies and gentlemen, raise silence for
Superintendent Cotter.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, as most of
you know, I'm here today as a stand -in.

It's been my privilege to give Hazel
away.

But there's been a change of plan.

You see, there's a little white lie
hanging over this white wedding.

But there should be no shame attached to
what I'm about to say.

Oh, my God.

Me and the best man have been hiding
something from you all.

It goes back years to my own wedding.

To cut a long story short... No!

The bride's father isn't dead at all.

What? What?

He's a guest of Her Majesty at Ford
Open.

Oh, my God.

Yes.

He's a convicted criminal.

But it's not up to me to tell you all
this.

The bride's father is here himself.

Tommy!

You and I should be in the grounds
behind a fountain with two bridesmaids

train bearer.

I don't care.

Well, you should care, Bob.

Your biological clock is ticking.

Is that what it is?

Yep.

It's ticking away inside.

The chimes of Big Ben have just gone off
in me underpants.

Excuse me.

Can you remember where I put my coat?

Forget your coat, love.