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How red we are.
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To the marriage of Paul Morris
Farnborough and Hazel Matilda Rudge.
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Or should I say D .C. Farnborough and P
.C. Rudge.
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On the way here this morning, I saw some
chaps digging up the road.
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And you know, in many ways, men digging
up the road is a bit like the story of
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St. Peter.
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We can't just go barging in like that.
We can sneak in and sit at the back. I
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can't sit at the back. I'm best man.
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Stan, you shouldn't be here at all.
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Your place is next to the bridegroom
with a hip flask, a set of keys to a
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car in case he changes his mind.
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Right. We wait for Jerusalem and then we
storm in on a wave of patriotic
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emotion.
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What are you grinning at?
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Nothing.
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00:02:04,460 --> 00:02:06,080
Some of the lads had a sweepstake.
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You being best man and all.
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Estimated time of arrival.
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00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:15,020
You put money on me being 15 minutes
late.
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00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:16,960
You did it on purpose.
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00:02:17,700 --> 00:02:21,780
You weren't trying to fix the car at
all. You deliberately held us up.
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Not even there.
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For your information, I actually bet on
you being bang on time. Actually, I had
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faith in you. Why did I use my tie as a
car thunder?
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And why did I try and fix your
distribution cap? Tell me, tell me. And
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00:02:38,580 --> 00:02:42,199
wasn't for my bright idea of phoning
Derek from the clamping unit, we'd still
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on the arch shoulder.
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00:02:44,820 --> 00:02:46,740
You mean me being on time?
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I had 15 quid on you, pal.
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Who won?
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15 minutes late, middle of Jerusalem.
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No, sir.
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We're on.
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What's my time?
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You're lucky you've got a tie. I left
mine dangling on your big end.
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And I'm done.
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be on time but... The
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congregation
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00:04:02,870 --> 00:04:06,650
may sit.
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00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:15,199
And if we are all gathered, perhaps I
could ask the bride and groom to step
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00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:16,250
forward.
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00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:23,540
Jesus Christ!
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Okay, ladies and gentlemen, can we have
the bride and groom in, nice and close
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together, looking straight down the
camera at me, looking straight here.
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that nice and happy. Come on, that's it.
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Great, lovely.
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But can we have the best man in as well,
please? In you come, sir. Nice and
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close. Come on, let's be happy. Here we
go.
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Lovely.
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00:05:30,510 --> 00:05:32,790
Farnsley wanted me as his best man, not
you.
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00:05:33,270 --> 00:05:36,350
You've been planning this in your evil
little mind for weeks.
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It's very good stuff.
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This is very childish, you know.
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You couldn't stand it, could you?
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You couldn't stand the thought that I
had been chosen instead of you.
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Well, let me tell you something.
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Farnsley chose me because he knows that
I have got breeding.
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00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:40,160
He chose me because I know how to behave
on special occasions.
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00:06:40,161 --> 00:06:44,259
Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? Well, if you're so
wonderfully sophisticated, why has the
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00:06:44,260 --> 00:06:47,030
maid of honour got a greasy handprint on
her right tit?
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00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:49,900
That was not my hand! That was your
hand! What?
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Yes, we'll get Des from forensics. We're
going to get some fingerprints.
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00:06:54,460 --> 00:06:56,000
OK, all right.
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00:06:56,280 --> 00:07:00,119
Excuse me. Could you tell me where I can
find the best man? You're looking at
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him, darling.
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Get jealous. That's what it is, you
know.
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Are you still here?
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00:07:04,820 --> 00:07:08,940
Well, don't ask me. Do I look as if I
work here?
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He chose me because I know how to deal
with people.
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00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:21,610
Well, you've certainly dealt with the
bride's grandmother pretty elegantly.
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00:07:26,220 --> 00:07:27,270
Is that who that was?
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Yes.
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Are you sure?
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It's going to be a long day, Bob.
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Well, it's his own fault.
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I mean, he could have asked any of us.
I've known Fancy as long as Briggs has.
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I mean...
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00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:50,580
Everybody knows Briggs isn't a best
anything.
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00:07:51,900 --> 00:07:55,260
Whose idea was it to cover Briggs in
oil? And who made him late?
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00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:59,600
I think Briggs managed to cop things up
all on his own.
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00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:05,780
You, do what you can to make sure this
wedding goes smoothly.
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00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:07,050
And that's an order.
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00:08:07,140 --> 00:08:08,190
Sir. What?
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00:08:08,860 --> 00:08:11,640
Well, me and the lads were just asking
ourselves.
85
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Why did Farnsley choose Briggs in the
first place?
86
00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:20,900
Well, that's a long story.
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00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:23,470
Oh, well, if you can't be bothered to
tell us.
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00:08:23,700 --> 00:08:27,860
You said you wanted our full
cooperation, didn't you?
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00:08:34,780 --> 00:08:35,830
OK.
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00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:39,360
The fact is, Farnsley didn't choose him.
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00:08:41,130 --> 00:08:44,030
It was the bride's father who insisted
it be Briggs.
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00:08:44,570 --> 00:08:45,620
Hang on.
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00:08:45,810 --> 00:08:50,809
I thought Hazel's father was dead. I
thought that's why you were giving her
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00:08:50,810 --> 00:08:51,860
away.
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00:08:52,030 --> 00:08:54,200
That's what everyone's supposed to
think.
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00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:56,550
Especially Farnsley's mother and father.
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He's not dead.
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He's inside.
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00:08:59,430 --> 00:09:00,480
In the nick.
100
00:09:01,630 --> 00:09:07,650
But I want you all to keep this to
yourselves, OK?
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00:09:07,890 --> 00:09:10,090
Sir. Not a word to anyone.
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00:09:10,670 --> 00:09:11,720
What?
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That's them.
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00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:22,530
And that's the groom's mother.
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00:09:24,190 --> 00:09:25,450
And she heard me.
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00:09:38,381 --> 00:09:42,219
Shouldn't the groom's parents be here?
107
00:09:42,220 --> 00:09:44,900
I think she's had a bit of a turn. The
heat, you know.
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00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:49,180
I've just made a terrible faux pas.
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I think he got away with it.
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00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:58,230
Oh, it's you.
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00:09:58,580 --> 00:10:00,520
Hey, we're on different tables.
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00:10:01,060 --> 00:10:02,860
Of course we are. I'm the best man.
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00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,920
You? You're a hanger -on. A half
-friend.
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00:10:06,260 --> 00:10:07,310
A new buddy.
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00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:09,100
I haven't got anybody to talk to.
116
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:13,750
Oh, chit -chat. Talk about, you know,
what you normally talk about over
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00:10:14,580 --> 00:10:17,050
I could talk about me infertigo. That's
come back.
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00:10:19,420 --> 00:10:23,019
Anyway, as soon as the coffees and
brandies are out of the way, we go
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00:10:23,020 --> 00:10:23,679
to the bar.
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00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:25,760
Right. I'll see you in the bar. Right.
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00:10:26,780 --> 00:10:28,340
And best of luck with the speech.
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00:10:28,540 --> 00:10:29,590
Cheers, mate.
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00:10:31,140 --> 00:10:34,100
Hello, sir. Have you seen the groom's
mother?
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00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,360
I should say so, sir. What a dog.
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00:10:37,780 --> 00:10:39,340
She could peg out any...
126
00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:46,620
Where's your tie, Louis?
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00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,120
It's in Dave's car, sir.
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00:10:49,020 --> 00:10:50,160
What's it doing there?
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00:10:50,660 --> 00:10:53,250
It's sort of flapping round and round in
the engine.
130
00:10:53,251 --> 00:10:57,379
Just come in, Louis. Find your name
badge on the table. Sit down and say
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00:10:57,380 --> 00:10:58,430
to anyone, OK?
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00:10:58,980 --> 00:11:00,030
Right, sir.
133
00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:02,760
What happened to you?
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00:11:04,260 --> 00:11:05,900
I want to get some of this on it.
135
00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:24,420
Hazel's father was set up.
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00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:25,760
Oh, they all sang that.
137
00:11:25,761 --> 00:11:29,159
Times years ago, back in the 70s, he was
fitted up for an armed robbery, Blake.
138
00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:31,750
And Hazel, a policewoman. Just calm down
and listen.
139
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:34,830
Back in those days, there was a lot of
police corruption.
140
00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:36,100
Hazel's dad was framed.
141
00:11:36,101 --> 00:11:39,579
Yeah. Now, there were two men in the
division at the time who wouldn't go
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00:11:39,580 --> 00:11:40,519
with a fit -up.
143
00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:41,759
And they're both fit today.
144
00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:43,140
Cotton and Briggs. Yeah.
145
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:47,720
Have you been round once already?
146
00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:49,160
Oh, no. Sorry.
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00:11:49,161 --> 00:11:50,379
Say, Matt.
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00:11:50,380 --> 00:11:51,460
Give us a comment here.
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00:11:58,030 --> 00:11:59,080
Golly!
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00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:53,900
to start until the toast.
151
00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:56,360
What? We get toast as well?
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00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:04,540
Perishing answer everywhere.
153
00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:09,260
Ladies and gentlemen, dinner is served.
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00:13:18,020 --> 00:13:20,120
So, how long have you known my boyhood?
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00:13:20,580 --> 00:13:21,840
A long time.
156
00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:23,680
I remember his first day.
157
00:13:24,140 --> 00:13:27,750
Me and some of the lads handcuffed him
to a naked Cardiff City supporter.
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00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:32,140
And, uh, I understand you knew Hazel's
father.
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00:13:32,531 --> 00:13:34,619
Did I?
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00:13:34,620 --> 00:13:35,670
That's what I heard.
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00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:37,420
I thought her dad was dead.
162
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:41,160
Mr. Fulgham, could I have a quick word?
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00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:43,150
Sure.
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00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:54,720
No sign of the toast yet then.
165
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:05,650
Hoop not bad.
166
00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:11,520
I've got him for Tygo.
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00:14:29,130 --> 00:14:30,450
Pass me the butter, please.
168
00:14:32,250 --> 00:14:33,450
What are you going to do?
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00:14:33,550 --> 00:14:34,600
Rub it in?
170
00:14:38,090 --> 00:14:39,140
Why? Does it help?
171
00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:11,030
Briggs doesn't know himself why he was
chosen.
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00:15:11,220 --> 00:15:15,340
Briggs was only a PC back then. He
probably doesn't even remember the case.
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00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:16,610
But you do.
174
00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:18,010
Oh, yes.
175
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:21,420
And Hazel's father really was fitted up,
hmm? Like a kipper.
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00:15:21,700 --> 00:15:26,059
And you and that man Briggs, you refused
to be part of it? I did what I could to
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00:15:26,060 --> 00:15:26,839
stop them.
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00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:27,890
And Briggs?
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00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:33,319
Well, Hazel's father believes to this
day that Briggs didn't turn up in court
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00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:36,210
that day to give evidence because he was
an honest copper.
181
00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:38,910
Fact is, he was new to the job when he
got lost.
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00:15:39,220 --> 00:15:41,780
He went to the old Vic instead of the
old Bailey.
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00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:46,500
He ended up getting a walk -on part in
an Inspector Calls.
184
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:49,600
Some damn fine reviews, as I recall.
185
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:52,220
Am I supposed to believe that?
186
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:56,600
Well, the Guardian was a bit sniffy, but
the rest was fine.
187
00:15:59,700 --> 00:16:00,780
Very nice, thank you.
188
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:02,880
I'm glad you enjoyed it.
189
00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:04,800
I thought the pasta was a bit soft.
190
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:07,690
I thought it could have been a bit more
Al Jolson.
191
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:11,240
You mean Al Dente?
192
00:16:12,580 --> 00:16:13,630
Yeah.
193
00:16:19,740 --> 00:16:21,100
So, Helen.
194
00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:23,990
Your name's Helen?
195
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:25,450
Yeah.
196
00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:27,730
You're Bob?
197
00:16:28,140 --> 00:16:29,190
Yeah.
198
00:16:29,540 --> 00:16:30,590
Bob by name.
199
00:16:31,860 --> 00:16:32,940
Bob by nature.
200
00:16:34,540 --> 00:16:35,620
It's short for Robert.
201
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:37,990
You can write it quicker if you're in a
hurry.
202
00:16:39,020 --> 00:16:40,070
So who are you with?
203
00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:44,560
Oh, no one.
204
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:47,300
You? Nobody.
205
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:50,820
So your wife couldn't make it then?
206
00:16:51,060 --> 00:16:52,320
Wife? Oh, I'm not married.
207
00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:53,670
Oh.
208
00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:55,980
Dave and I aren't the marrying kind.
209
00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:57,190
Who's Dave?
210
00:16:57,240 --> 00:16:58,290
He's my partner.
211
00:17:04,109 --> 00:17:05,429
What do you do for a living?
212
00:17:05,829 --> 00:17:07,609
Oh, very boring.
213
00:17:08,530 --> 00:17:09,849
I'm a legal secretary.
214
00:17:12,410 --> 00:17:15,430
Well, better than being an illegal
secretary.
215
00:17:19,950 --> 00:17:21,000
So,
216
00:17:25,690 --> 00:17:29,970
this Dave... Speak of the devil.
217
00:17:30,330 --> 00:17:32,190
Hey, Bob, how are you? How's it going?
218
00:17:32,390 --> 00:17:33,440
Fine, thanks.
219
00:17:33,441 --> 00:17:35,139
Are they going to fall?
220
00:17:35,140 --> 00:17:36,190
Shh!
221
00:17:38,380 --> 00:17:42,440
It's that little bridesmaid, you know,
the one with the sign and the black
222
00:17:43,940 --> 00:17:46,050
I read this article in a women's
magazine.
223
00:17:46,051 --> 00:17:49,359
They reckon you're ten times more likely
to pull at a wedding than you are at a
224
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:50,560
disco. It's true, really.
225
00:17:50,980 --> 00:17:53,460
So in your case, that would be ten times
nothing.
226
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:13,420
Yeah, yeah, right, yeah.
227
00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:16,680
Er, tennis elbow.
228
00:18:18,211 --> 00:18:19,739
Then
229
00:18:19,740 --> 00:18:27,039
he
230
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:30,939
says there were only two men in the
division who wouldn't go along with it.
231
00:18:30,940 --> 00:18:32,300
was the super and Briggs.
232
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:36,979
Briggs? That's why her dad wanted the
super to give her away and Briggs to be
233
00:18:36,980 --> 00:18:38,030
best man.
234
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:41,490
Didn't realise Briggs had that sort of
integrity.
235
00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:44,150
Have you seen Briggs?
236
00:18:44,390 --> 00:18:46,860
Yeah, he's in the car to be rehearsing
his speech.
237
00:18:47,050 --> 00:18:49,400
Probably writing down some jokes off the
wall.
238
00:18:52,770 --> 00:18:53,930
Oh, all right, Bob.
239
00:18:55,030 --> 00:18:58,330
Get us a G &T, not a... beer.
240
00:18:59,590 --> 00:19:01,030
I think I might have pulled.
241
00:19:02,530 --> 00:19:04,510
She keeps asking about Dave.
242
00:19:05,650 --> 00:19:10,149
Speaking of Dave, you two have been
working together a long time now,
243
00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:13,470
you? Do you think there's such a thing
as love at first sight?
244
00:19:13,850 --> 00:19:15,810
Yeah, well, we know you're close.
245
00:19:16,670 --> 00:19:19,650
But do you know anything about some case
in the 70s?
246
00:19:19,970 --> 00:19:21,020
A fit -up?
247
00:19:21,630 --> 00:19:22,680
I'd better get back.
248
00:19:23,210 --> 00:19:24,260
How do I look?
249
00:19:25,410 --> 00:19:26,930
Like a lizard in a suit.
250
00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:30,260
Damn.
251
00:19:30,430 --> 00:19:32,290
Here, what does me breath smell like?
252
00:19:34,230 --> 00:19:35,280
Jim.
253
00:19:35,510 --> 00:19:36,560
Damn.
254
00:19:59,571 --> 00:20:01,559
It's me.
255
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:02,379
What do you want?
256
00:20:02,380 --> 00:20:03,430
I need to talk to you.
257
00:20:03,431 --> 00:20:04,339
What about?
258
00:20:04,340 --> 00:20:07,839
I need to look at your speech. I need to
check it over, just in case. In case of
259
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,360
what? Look, let me in.
260
00:20:10,331 --> 00:20:17,419
I just don't want you to get up in front
of everyone and say something by
261
00:20:17,420 --> 00:20:20,560
accident that would let Flip about the
two of us. The two of us?
262
00:20:20,860 --> 00:20:24,979
Look, you have no idea why you and I are
here together, do you? What do you
263
00:20:24,980 --> 00:20:26,900
mean? I've kept this from you for years.
264
00:20:26,901 --> 00:20:30,129
It's something that goes back to when
you were a young man in uniform and I
265
00:20:30,130 --> 00:20:31,180
a frustrated DC.
266
00:20:32,050 --> 00:20:34,690
I shielded you from it.
267
00:20:34,691 --> 00:20:38,309
I didn't even want you to know there was
such a thing as a bent copper.
268
00:20:38,310 --> 00:20:39,360
I've got to go.
269
00:20:40,630 --> 00:20:42,130
But just let me look at it.
270
00:20:42,770 --> 00:20:44,630
I'll show you mine if you show me yours.
271
00:20:46,210 --> 00:20:47,260
How long's yours?
272
00:20:49,050 --> 00:20:50,100
Oh,
273
00:20:50,810 --> 00:20:54,350
it's you, Louis.
274
00:20:54,351 --> 00:20:57,659
Look, Dave and I are having a private
chat here. We'd prefer it if you weren't
275
00:20:57,660 --> 00:20:58,940
here. Yes, sir.
276
00:20:58,941 --> 00:21:00,359
Understood, sir.
277
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:01,359
Wait a minute, Bob.
278
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:02,410
I'm coming with you.
279
00:21:03,221 --> 00:21:05,299
Don't blame you, Dave.
280
00:21:05,300 --> 00:21:06,350
But, Dave!
281
00:21:34,131 --> 00:21:36,139
Well, Dave.
282
00:21:36,140 --> 00:21:38,920
You know, the best man. Oh, yes.
283
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:43,580
Well, I was in the toilet washing my
mouth out with degreaser.
284
00:21:44,580 --> 00:21:47,920
And I lived in the cubicle with the
super.
285
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:49,210
Ah.
286
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:51,300
And you're upset.
287
00:21:52,220 --> 00:21:53,270
Upset?
288
00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:56,060
How long have you and Dave been
partners?
289
00:21:59,580 --> 00:22:00,630
I'll be back.
290
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:06,050
Same old story.
291
00:22:06,220 --> 00:22:08,020
If they're not married, they're gay.
292
00:22:09,300 --> 00:22:12,200
I overheard a conversation in the car
seat earlier.
293
00:22:12,201 --> 00:22:13,719
And me.
294
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:18,639
And we reckon there's a side to your
mate Briggs that none of us ever
295
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:19,690
before.
296
00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:21,020
You heard it as well.
297
00:22:21,820 --> 00:22:24,680
You know about Briggs and the super.
298
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:26,730
So it's true.
299
00:22:27,620 --> 00:22:28,670
Must be.
300
00:22:29,020 --> 00:22:31,310
And I let him use me truncheon and
everything.
301
00:22:34,260 --> 00:22:35,720
We think it's marvellous.
302
00:22:36,740 --> 00:22:40,300
Eh? There should be more people like
that in the force.
303
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:50,740
How are you doing?
304
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:52,960
Oh, I'm all right, sir.
305
00:22:53,140 --> 00:22:54,190
Nervous?
306
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:55,980
I'm going to knock them dead.
307
00:22:55,981 --> 00:22:58,939
We haven't got much time, so I'm going
to have to come clean with you.
308
00:22:58,940 --> 00:23:00,400
Hazel's father is not dead.
309
00:23:00,780 --> 00:23:01,830
He's in prison.
310
00:23:01,831 --> 00:23:02,909
You what?
311
00:23:02,910 --> 00:23:03,960
Just listen, OK?
312
00:23:04,610 --> 00:23:08,040
I don't want any reference to prison in
that speech of yours, got it?
313
00:23:09,790 --> 00:23:10,840
That's an order.
314
00:23:15,110 --> 00:23:18,000
Prison. Prison, prison, prison, prison,
prison, prison.
315
00:23:18,961 --> 00:23:21,049
Ball and chain.
316
00:23:21,050 --> 00:23:22,100
Cross it out.
317
00:23:25,021 --> 00:23:27,089
Life sentence.
318
00:23:27,090 --> 00:23:28,140
Out.
319
00:23:29,190 --> 00:23:30,930
Breath like a slopping out bucket.
320
00:23:33,060 --> 00:23:34,110
Okay.
321
00:23:36,220 --> 00:23:38,060
He was put away for armed robbery.
322
00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:43,120
So no reference to banks, guns or
stockings over the head.
323
00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:49,839
Stockings. The fact is, Hayden's dad was
fitted up. So we can't have any mention
324
00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:50,920
of police corruption.
325
00:23:51,180 --> 00:23:52,720
That's half my axe. Briggs.
326
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:56,890
Fine.
327
00:23:58,100 --> 00:24:00,360
Good. I think that's about everything.
328
00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:01,610
Okay?
329
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:03,050
Yeah, great.
330
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:09,360
Can I just, you know, like, you know,
run this by you as it stands?
331
00:24:09,361 --> 00:24:11,439
Hello, ladies and gentlemen.
332
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:14,859
Don't the bridesmaids look lovely? Two
pieces of string walked into a pub.
333
00:24:14,860 --> 00:24:15,910
you and good night.
334
00:24:16,980 --> 00:24:18,030
Great.
335
00:24:23,340 --> 00:24:26,340
You don't think it sounds a tad bizarre?
336
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:30,240
Tommy! Hello, Frank.
337
00:24:31,100 --> 00:24:32,150
I'll change my mind.
338
00:24:32,750 --> 00:24:34,980
The governor gave me compassionate
parole.
339
00:24:38,070 --> 00:24:41,570
And this must be that young, fresh
-faced Bobby.
340
00:24:48,470 --> 00:24:52,260
Ladies and gentlemen, would you please
take your places for the speeches?
341
00:24:55,210 --> 00:25:01,490
It makes you proud, doesn't it, to see
them up there together?
342
00:25:05,260 --> 00:25:07,120
I'll tell you something, though, Bob.
343
00:25:07,260 --> 00:25:09,000
It could have been either of you.
344
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:11,060
You both got it in you.
345
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:13,660
What do you mean, mate?
346
00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:21,440
Ladies and gentlemen, raise silence for
Superintendent Cotter.
347
00:25:24,020 --> 00:25:28,780
Now, ladies and gentlemen, as most of
you know, I'm here today as a stand -in.
348
00:25:30,180 --> 00:25:32,780
It's been my privilege to give Hazel
away.
349
00:25:34,570 --> 00:25:36,190
But there's been a change of plan.
350
00:25:36,450 --> 00:25:40,990
You see, there's a little white lie
hanging over this white wedding.
351
00:25:41,550 --> 00:25:44,620
But there should be no shame attached to
what I'm about to say.
352
00:25:44,890 --> 00:25:45,940
Oh, my God.
353
00:25:47,150 --> 00:25:51,110
Me and the best man have been hiding
something from you all.
354
00:25:52,650 --> 00:25:54,790
It goes back years to my own wedding.
355
00:25:55,450 --> 00:25:57,290
To cut a long story short... No!
356
00:25:59,170 --> 00:26:02,290
The bride's father isn't dead at all.
357
00:26:02,530 --> 00:26:03,580
What? What?
358
00:26:06,190 --> 00:26:09,090
He's a guest of Her Majesty at Ford
Open.
359
00:26:09,370 --> 00:26:10,420
Oh, my God.
360
00:26:10,430 --> 00:26:11,480
Yes.
361
00:26:12,030 --> 00:26:13,630
He's a convicted criminal.
362
00:26:14,230 --> 00:26:16,220
But it's not up to me to tell you all
this.
363
00:26:18,350 --> 00:26:20,330
The bride's father is here himself.
364
00:26:21,010 --> 00:26:22,060
Tommy!
365
00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:06,339
You and I should be in the grounds
behind a fountain with two bridesmaids
366
00:27:06,340 --> 00:27:07,390
train bearer.
367
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:08,920
I don't care.
368
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:11,960
Well, you should care, Bob.
369
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:15,540
Your biological clock is ticking.
370
00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:18,940
Is that what it is?
371
00:27:19,340 --> 00:27:20,390
Yep.
372
00:27:20,580 --> 00:27:22,860
It's ticking away inside.
373
00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:28,020
The chimes of Big Ben have just gone off
in me underpants.
374
00:27:40,780 --> 00:27:41,830
Excuse me.
375
00:27:42,460 --> 00:27:45,480
Can you remember where I put my coat?
376
00:27:47,260 --> 00:27:48,560
Forget your coat, love.
377
00:27:48,610 --> 00:27:53,160
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