Original subtitles

Swimming trunks? Check.

Toothbrush, toothpaste?

Check.

Passport? Check.

T -shirts?

Packs.

Flip -flops?

Packs.

Sun oil?

Packs. Hedge trimmer?

Packs.

Kalashnikov?

You gorgeous, lovely hunk of a man.

Dave, the plane leaves in one hour.

No sugar on these.

Ronnie, is that all you're taking?

Yeah. For two weeks?

I travel light.

How many pairs of underpants are you taking?

Both.

Fourteen months.

Two pairs of boots.

Why are you washing them dry quick? That's the beauty of nylon.

What's that?

Dean.

At a very dart which won us our dream holiday.

darts as seen by millions on TV.

In the immortal words of Jim Bowen, super -smashing great.

Demonage! And Detective Sergeant Cottam, one of Scotland Yard's rising young

stars, returns home empty -handed from Marbella without the bank robber, Ronnie

Richardson. Minutes before Cottam arrived in sunny Spain... Richardson

local lass and the extradition was off. Never mind, Detective Sergeant. At least

you brought home a nice golden tat.

Gibraltar.

Little bit of Britain in the middle of the Med.

You don't look like Britain to me, look.

The plane's still got its upcap. This is the last outpost of the British Empire,

Bob.

I remember when I was at school, looking at the atlas, half the world was pink.

It's been national elf glasses I made you wear.

And the beauty of coming here is you've got... got none of that

palazzo... of passport and customs.

Of course, before the British came here, this was all just bare rock, inhabited

only by monkeys.

Anyway, it's British now, and the subject of Her Majesty, we are at

wander with her, and whenever we doth desire.

It's a plane.

It's a plane. It's coming towards us. Get out of the way now.

Don't forget your suitcase.

Now get off of it. Get out of here.

I wonder if they get bullseye on the telly down here.

Nah, they've got their own version. They use a real live bull and stick the

darts up its bum.

What a strain that is.

What's wrong?

They drive on the left or the right over here?

Well, in Spain, they drive on the right.

In Spain, they drive in the middle.

This is the road.

It's part of Britain.

We drive on the left.

You reckon?

Yeah.

Sure.

Miss Richardson, lovely to meet you. How was your flight?

Please, call me Jenny.

Jenny, if you'd like to come with me, I'll show you to your office.

What a team.

Well, I say team.

I mean, we're a team only inasmuch as they're the Pet Shop Boys of a team.

What do you mean?

Well, I'm the tall one with the sucked -in cheeks.

And you're the little one with the funny hat at the back.

Well, who answered all the questions, then? Eh?

Eh?

You didn't answer all the questions, did you, Bob?

You got one question wrong, didn't you, Bob?

It was very hot under them lights.

Excuse me, mate.

Oh, no. Can I ask you a little question?

Who was the first man to set foot on the moon?

Neil Armstrong.

Thank you. That's all.

There you have it.

Neil Armstrong.

Not Louis Armstrong.

I think there's a lot of pressure.

Small step for a man, giant leap for a short, fat trumpeter.

Never, Frank.

Just taking my holiday entitlement, sir. I read the papers as well. So there's

no need to ask where you're going, I suppose?

There's no law against taking a holiday in Gibraltar, sir. Which just happens to

be where Ronnie Richardson's daughter is working.

Really?

First rule in the book, Frank.

Don't bear grudges.

Men like Richardson belong in the past. You should leave them there.

If you want to pass up a chance to nick one of Britain's most wanted villains...

Listen to you, Frank.

Do you think anyone cares about Richardson anymore?

His ancient history.

My personal history.

And if I know Ronnie Richardson, which I do only too well, then within a day or

so he'll cross the border from Spain to see his daughter, who he hasn't seen

since she was a toddler.

And the moment he crosses onto British soil, I'll be there to greet him.

Do you really think an old hand like Richardson will risk extradition? I know

will, because I know him inside out. The old East End brotherhood, eh? Something

like that. Just remember, anything you do out there is without official

sanction. You're on your own.

I'm aware of that, sir. You have no authority from me to work in Gibraltar.

Gibraltar?

Sorry, sir.

What about Gibraltar?

Oh, nothing. It's just that... Well, that's where Briggs and Louis are, sir.

Briggs and Louis?

Didn't you see them on the telly, sir? They won Bullseye, a holiday for four in

Gibraltar. Except no one would go with them.

She'd be there by now.

Well, I'd say that was fate.

Wouldn't you, Frank?

With Briggs and Louis on the scene, any remote chance you had of getting a

result just flew out the window.

Sorry to bring this up before you've had a chance to catch your breath, but

we've had a journalist from London asking whether it was

possible to ask... I don't want to talk to any journalist from any newspaper

about anything concerning my father.

Understood?

Of course.

Here we are.

The famous Gibraltar cable car.

Apparently, you can see Africa from the top.

Come on, then.

Bring your chips.

We might be able to drop them on the people below.

Nah.

I think I'll just, uh... Just what?

You know, I'll just sit here quietly and keep an eye on things.

What things?

Just things.

I'll just sit here nice and quiet, down here.

Come on, Bob.

Look, I know where you're getting at.

You can't make me go. Just leave me alone, OK? Just leave it.

Oh, of course.

I remember now.

You're scared of heights, aren't you?

Don't be ridiculous.

You never did climb to the top of the rope in PT.

You just used to dangle at the bottom, like a conker.

Do you want me to mash these chips in your face?

OK, OK, OK.

It's your holiday, too.

I'll just strike the cable car off our itinerary and replace it with something

bit less... manly.

Down there.

I don't mean the gardens, which form a pleasant oasis of plants and trees.

No problem.

Look at that pleasant oasis of plants and trees.

Lovely.

And down there, way, way, way, way down the hill is the famous

Devil's Gate Steps.

Famous for being a long, long, long, long way down.

Are you all right, Bill?

Fine.

You've got a peculiar colour.

Funtime.

Funtime.

Your face is starting to merge with your act.

Ooh, they swing about these things, don't they?

Stand still.

Of course, we're only hanging on by a bit of bent wire.

But he improvises his Spanish.

Make do and mend, that's their philosophy.

We're not in Spain.

Nope. We're in outer space.

I think I know.

Here's the door.

Oh, dodgy lock.

No, wait, wait.

Oh, yes.

Down there, back on planet Earth... Tiny, tiny, with respect.

..which is, in fact, one of the biggest casinos in Europe.

And there, to the left, in front of that patch of dark brown plant life, which

is, in fact, the entire continent of Africa...

We can see the super.

What's the matter, love?

Aren't you pleased to see me?

A simple salute would have done.

This is her.

Jenny Richardson.

Are you paying attention, Louis?

I'm just going to get a lower stool, sir.

Chris, look.

This is her.

Ronnie Richardson's daughter.

Very nice.

Well, I wouldn't mind having her on the end of me tackle.

I'm sure of it.

Sorry, sir? I'm sure he'll risk crossing the border to fear.

He's an East Ender like me.

Hoxton, born and bred.

Oh, you know him, then, do you?

The Hoxton Horrors, they used to call us.

Life was one long street party in those days.

The day when the soldiers came home.

V -J day when the Air Force came home and V -D day when the sailors came home.

Any chance of a drink, Dave?

Oh, yeah.

Can I have a shot for my little friend, Dave?

Well, they were too young to remember.

One outside laugh between seven families was our turn Wednesdays.

Me and Ronnie, we were thick as thieves. Well, we were thieves.

And we were thick. Used to go and watch Millwall every Saturday afternoon.

Of course.

Ronnie used to lift me up over the wall.

But if you and her dad were mates... Mates?

More like brothers.

Knowing his dad, we probably were brothers.

And this is the mate you've travelled all this way to Nick?

This is all going over your head, isn't it, Louis?

What you don't understand is my mate, my old mucker, Ronnie Richardson, ruined

my career.

Slip up of the yard, they called me.

And it was all down to him.

I feel daft down here.

I'm sorry.

You must think me an old fool.

I think the old has been.

But it's pride. It's the East End pride.

Shall we stay here or shall we move on?

Help me.

Say again.

Help me.

Don't you see this is fate?

It's fate that sent you down here.

No, sir. It was Jim Bowen.

Don't evict him.

Please, I beg you.

We'd like to, officer, but we're on holiday.

Terrible photos.

I've instructed everyone at the office to be on their guard against the

reptiles.

Have you noticed, by the way, that you're being followed?

I don't think this is what Jim Bowen had in mind, tailing a suspect.

She's not a suspect.

We've just got to follow her, keep an eye out for her old man.

It's still work.

Police work.

What else could we do? He was crying.

Did you see the stuff coming out of his nose?

I don't know what he's getting so worked up about.

I heard the rumours.

He was a national joker. I haven't seen him cry like that since we arrested the

Bishop of Durham.

Your chips are still in the car.

I wonder what that snow was.

Great. I'm starving.

What do you want?

That's the beauty of our country, Dave.

Go on, then. Give us a chip.

I said, give us a chip.

Sir.

touched a big hairy chip.

This mysterious investor wants me to meet him on his yacht.

That's the way things are done down here, Jenny. You'll meet a lot of

people.

We'd better get the bill. You're due on board in 15 minutes.

There she goes.

She's leaving.

Holiday maker to tiny tears.

Over.

She's leaving the cafe now, sir.

Well, get after her.

But stay out of sight.

Holiday maker to tiny tears.

Stop calling me that.

We're on holiday, remember?

Frank? Sorry, Bob.

Where is she?

She's just come on board a boat.

What's the boat called?

What's the boat called?

I'll have a look.

Pride of Millwall.

It's called the Pride of Millwall, sir.

Er, Frankie.

The Pride of Millwall.

Riggs, Louis, I'm on my way.

Don't do anything.

No problem, frangipane. That's ballerina.

So, Mr Fellow, what kind of investment did you have in mind?

Investment? You can get something of an idea of the development for these,

but... There's nothing like seeing something for yourself, is there?

Oh, you're right there, Junie.

There's nothing like seeing something for yourself with your own eyes.

Beats a photograph, doesn't it?

You will never know the times without a number. I stared at that photograph and

wondered what sort of woman my little girl had become.

This time, we've got him.

Really, Frankie?

But we're going to have to act fast.

We?

We? All right, I'll do it.

Now, if we all use our heads, this time, we can nail him.

Say, you've got a chip on your shoulder.

It's not a chip.

I just want to see justice.

That's all.

No, sir, I mean...

Is that your monkey, sir?

It's a monkey.

Take it back later.

Jenny, there was nothing I could do.

I had to leave you behind. I had half a Scotland Yard after me.

Please, please, darling.

I did what I could.

You wanted for nothing. You had the best education that money could buy.

I mean, look at you.

I mean, look what you've become.

I'm so proud of you.

I'm so proud of you.

There's that drink I promised you, Ronnie.

Sorry it's 30 years late.

Oh, well, well.

Maybe I'm my own mate, Frank.

Your time's up, Rob.

Missed out on you, was it?

There's no way out for me. Not this time.

I've got some of the finest officers in the men.

Wait.

I'm so frank.

I didn't know I'd stall on myself, was I?

Briggs! Louie!

Quarter past two, sir!

That's him!

Get him!

Someone will do this to you.

crazy. That ski has no steering pin.

a swim, did you, Frank? Come on.

There you go.

Bob!

Dave!

Dave!

Dave!

Dave! Dave!

Dave! Dave!

Dave! Dave! Dave!

Dave!

Dave!

Here I go.

Here's to the spirit of the old East End.

To the spirit of Millwall.

To old friendships from Bethel Green.

To Jack the Ripper.

By the way, Briggs, where's Louis?

Picked up by the Coast Guard.

Thank God for that. In Morocco.

Eight and a half hours under the burning Mediterranean sun.

Still ain't got the time.

Lobster's arrived.

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