Original subtitles

Why would you change it in a whole force who still uses a slot meter for his

electricity? It's economical.

Can I pick up a tray?

I mean, look at a state of this place.

What's the matter with it?

If you were a goldfish, I'd change your water.

What's that smell?

Which one?

The fridge. It went off when the electricity was cut off.

Milk and sugar?

Just sugar.

A bloke on his own doesn't have to live like a gerbil, you know.

Just need a few homely touches.

Scatter cushions.

I'm sure the tennis player's scratching her bum.

On my salary, you have to make economies.

You get paid the same as me, don't you?

Yeah.

Not for long, though.

What do you mean?

Well... I'm going for that promotion, you know, that's up on the notice board.

Detective Sergeant.

Really?

Yes.

Promotion?

You?

Yes.

The super said, if I apply myself, got a couple of convictions, I'd have a good

chance. And he also said, keep your nose clean and smarten yourself up and I'll

recommend you for a second interview.

How do you know that?

He said the same thing to me.

You're going for it as well?

Yeah, I might.

Promotion?

Yeah. You?

Yeah.

Ah, breaks, Louis.

Take a seat.

Thank you, sir. Good.

I've received something from Interpol.

Just a minute, sir.

Can I interrupt for a minute to explain to Bob what Interpol is?

Imagine it as a sort of worldwide police force.

That's what Interpol is.

All right?

Carry on, sir.

Our colleagues in Europe believe that one of Britain's leading arms dealers

crossed the very fine line...

Between legitimate business and illegal gun running.

Oh, good shot, sir.

I'm playing McKenna.

Johnny McKenna.

One of the big boys.

He has links with the Mafia, Boss, Mossad.

The Chinese tongs in Seoul. He's dangerous.

Very dangerous.

Interpol reckon he's planning one of his biggest operations yet. And they want

us in on the act.

So what I'm saying is...

We're asking for volunteers.

Well, that's very courageous of both of you.

Do either of you play golf?

Golf?

I do, sir.

And me, sir.

Do you have a handicap, Louis?

Not that I know of, sir.

Don't you even know what a handicap is?

Do you hear that, sir? He doesn't know what a handicap is.

You don't know what a handicap is in a minute.

Come on, Louis.

Come and have a go.

I am impressed.

That's the perfect golfing grip.

Is it?

I mean, well, yeah, yeah, I know.

You see, this McKenna fellow likes to do all his business on the golf course.

He thinks it's the only place he can't be overheard.

And tomorrow afternoon he's playing around with one of Columbia's most

drugs barons.

Take your stance, Louis.

My word, you do know your stuff.

That's a very good stance.

His knees could do with being a little more bent, couldn't they, sir?

Oh, I don't know.

Looks all right to me.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, er, no, it's not that.

No, it's just the way his trousers are hanging off his silly thin legs.

Now, what we need to do is have a couple of our boys following this McKenna

round on the golf course and record everything that he and this Colombian

say to each other. You'll need to be disguised as golfers, of course.

And the buff is to come up with the most ingenious way of hiding the microphone.

Ready, Louis?

Sir? Ready to take your shot.

Oh. Yes, sir.

I remember.

Eye on the ball.

Lift the cup gently.

Knees slightly bent.

Think about the hole.

Knees bent.

Lift the club gently.

Now hit it.

Hit it?

Hit it.

It's a clever club.

You don't know it all, eh?

Bob doesn't know what Interpol means.

You don't know what a handicap is, do you, Bob?

You were pathetic, you were.

I was pathetic?

Oh, sir.

Good shot, sir. Just like Nick Feldo, sir.

I'm not caught like that. Come on, let's go. Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, what are

you doing?

I'm pushing the trolley with the clubs to the tee. No, no, no, no, no.

Just... Just stand back.

Now what's the matter?

Remote control?

It is the 1990s.

When you're out there on a course taking your exercise, you don't want to be

pushing a big, heavy trolley around.

People only take up golf because they're too knackered to play anything else.

Receiving you loud and clear, sir.

This is Briggs, by the way.

Briggs, receiving you loud and clear.

And me, sir.

I can hear you as well, sir.

Now, listen carefully, both of you.

What you have in your hand is a very sensitive and delicate two -way radio

and receiver.

So don't keep banging it about.

Go and find McKenna and get close enough to him so we can pick up what he's

saying.

Understood. Loud and clear, sir. Understood.

This is Louis saying I am retrieving you.

Putting you gently back in the bag, sir.

Yes, yes.

Understood. I'll tell him and I'll pass on your apologies.

Goodbye.

Mr McKenna.

Is Mr McKenna in the club? I have a message for Mr McKenna.

Mr McKenna. That's me.

Mr McKenna, I've just had a call from Mr Valdez.

He's stuck at Heathrow.

Valdez? Yes, he's having some sort of difficulty with the customs. Won't be

to join you on the course today.

Sends his apologies.

Damn. But I could have a word with the club professional.

I know he'd be delighted to jump into the breach, as you might say.

That's nice of you, yes. I'll take the rookie out and give him a thrashing.

Thanks.

Right, then.

I suppose we'd better hang around until McKenna comes out.

Won't you?

Won't you?

Testings, testings. This is Louis doing the testings.

Not so bloody close, Louis.

Sorry, sir.

There he is.

That must be the Columbian bloke.

I think we've got our mark, sir.

Dark wavy hair, suntan.

Shifty eyes.

All right, let's go.

God, it's crappy mist.

You'll never get that back.

Louis, come in. Over.

Louis here, sir. Over.

You'll have to get closer.

I can't hear a thing they're saying.

Okay, I've got to get closer. They can't hear what they're saying.

Oh, an eye.

Yes, and you'll go eye later.

Can't you get that swerve on it?

Right then.

I'll start, shall I?

Okay.

Which one do you want?

I don't know.

Give us that thin one there. Which one? Yeah.

All right.

Do we really need all these spares?

Let's leave them behind and collect them later.

Thanks.

Come on, get on with it.

I'm trying to get my stance right, OK?

Just hit it, otherwise we'll lose them.

One.

One?

One, this will be your second.

That was a practice swing, that was.

Practice swing, yeah, yeah.

Go on, get a wazza.

It's not two, that's one.

Two. Come on, let me have a go.

All that fapping there.

Give one.

Ouch! What is that?

One.

Also, when I have a practice swing, it counts, does it? That wasn't a practice

shot, that was a divot shot. It was a practice swing.

One, one, one.

Doesn't matter, they're getting away. Come on, let's go.

Please, the piddle.

It's enough with me.

See, Johnny, I'd like that back string to be nice and smooth, full turn, right

the way back. That width on the arc's very important.

Hello.

Lost ball.

Bloody ridiculous having all these trees on a golf course, innit?

We're stuffed.

I mean, people must be losing their balls in there all the time.

Very easy to lose your balls on a golf course, pal.

Here, they're talking. Cover me.

What?

Just stand in front of me. Cover the microphone.

Don't mind us. Just carry on. Yeah.

Don't be embarrassed. Stay away. crap as well.

Just carry on as if we weren't here.

You won't laugh.

Leave this to me.

You two boys new to golf, are you?

Yeah.

It's very important, you know, you have strong arms.

The wrists must be strong as well.

You understand that?

What was I saying the other day? Wrists?

And the legs.

Neat strong legs at this game.

Didn't I say? Didn't I say? Legs.

It's very hard to play the game if your arms and your legs are broken.

Just a word of advice.

Do you understand?

You do understand, don't you?

And you.

beneath that waterfall.

83.

82.

We must have lost him, Bob.

It's your fault. You took ages on that last shot.

Briggs, Louis, what's going on? Over.

It's Briggs, sir.

Briggs has lost them, sir. I have not lost them, sir. We are having to waste

much time looking for Bob's balls in the rough.

I think he's in the rider.

Cup, sir. If you could just hit one ball straight.

Come on, we'll find it. We've been in the woods over there. We've been in the

woods over there.

They

must

have gone on to the 17th.

Look. If we miss out this next hole, we can go over and meet them on the 18th

tee.

That is a good idea, Bob.

Oh, thank you.

You go first.

OK, follow me.

Sir, Briggs speaking.

I've had a good idea. We're going to miss out the next hole and meet them on

18th.

We've come out too far up.

Oh, shut up.

Bob's brought us out too far up, sir.

How far do you make that?

Oh, about 220.

Well, we can't go back.

We'll have to go for the 19th hole.

There aren't 19 holes.

Sir, Dave thinks there's 19 holes.

Peter, Alice, the 19th hole is golfing terminology for the pavilion action.

Actually.

Sorry about that, sir.

Bob's going mad.

Sir, Dave's fallen over.

That's a gentleman.

Now, what do you want?

It's two blokes at the bar, boss.

What about them?

Bill thinks he knows one of them.

Really?

You see the skinny one? Looks like a ferret. What about him?

He's a copper.

I've seen him down west in Central.

Copper?

Well, could be off -duty, boss.

Off -duty coppers couldn't afford the green fees in this place.

Do you think they might be under the Valdez deal?

Well, we'll find out, shall we?

Invite those two clowns up to the committee room.

We'll have a little chat with them.

Bring that golf club with you.

I just might need it.

Enjoy your round, gentlemen.

Just a word of advice.

It's best not to head the ball in this game.

But I suppose being policemen, you've got the sort of thick head that don't

break easily.

Tell me, boys, do you think they'll break easily?

What are you doing here, and what do you know?

Come on, talk.

I don't care how much you talk to me.

You'll not make me talk.

Sir. Sir.

Come on, talk.

I suppose we'd better go and get them out of there.

Pity, though, if we go in now, we'll blow the whole operation.

I mean, McKenna doesn't even know that the golf club is miked.

He mentions Valdez and the arms shipment just once. We'll have him for... Good

thinking. I'm sure those two can take a bit of pressure, sir.

Yes.

Now we've finally got McKenna talking.

It'd be a shame to call it all off.

Well done, Sergeant... Williams, sir. Williams.

Well, if you don't fancy a little chat, how about a game of golf?

Or even a game of snooker?

How does that suit you, ferret face?

Cover his mouth.

We don't want his screams disturbing the members, do we?

Ferret face?

Mm -hmm.

This game's called Know Your Golfing Partner.

Because you find out just how good a friend your partner really is.

Tell me what you know about Valdez.

Do you think that I, D .C. Briggs, am afraid of a little physical pain?

Do you think that you can play a loyal, hard -working copper with a bit of...

vile, medieval torture.

Eh?

Listen,

you prat. Who told you about my armed shipment to Valdez? If you think I'm

to reveal my sources, you've got to be out of your mind.

That's right.

Turn up the electrical current on my testicles.

Yes, go on. Give it some. Yeah, go, go.

I'm beginning to feel sorry for you. Your partner's bloody mad.

Tell him.

Think of the consequences.

Just for a minute, think about it. See it in its wider context.

Forget my pain.

Take a more senior officer's view.

Sir,

with respect, he's mentioned the Valdez arms shipment. I think we can go in now.

You're right, lad.

Can't expect Briggs to take any more punishment.

Send in the backup.

OK, last chance.

And these hurt.

worse.

You feel all sick, don't you, and sort of dizzy.

You think there's interest in everything.

Makes my eyes water, that.

They'll come up like a couple of coconuts in the morning.

Ice.

Get me some ice.

Ice.

Right.

No problem.

Oops.

Well done.

I can't see McKenna getting away with this one.

Are you all right, Briggs?

It must have been very unpleasant in there.

The thing is, if it had been up to me, we'd have got you out earlier and missed

the whole thing.

It was Williams here who had the idea to top it out.

Sir?

Sir. What is it, Louis?

A promotion, sir.

I don't see why not.

Think you can handle it, Williams, up at the top?

Right, lad.

Come on, Williams.

Come on, Louis.

Get your feet off the furniture.

This is a respectable place.