All language subtitles for The Detectives s01e02 Hostage.eng

You don't drink out of glasses when
you're watching football. You swig out a

and bilge a lot. Well, those old -time
fans have evolved a bit since the Bronze

Age. Have you got any glasses? Oh, God,
I'm sorry, Felicity.

Glasses.

I'm sorry, but I've missed the team
coach.

You couldn't give me a lift, could you?

It is by the margin.

The official BBC Association Football
Cup final start in five

seconds from now.

Four, three, two, one.

Oh, hello, Sergeant.

No, not inconvenient at all.

A breakout?

How many hostages?

Have they managed to get a tail on him?

Well, tell Thompson to follow him, but
keep his distance. No heroies. Just find

out where he's taken him.

Yes, yes, I'll be along.

How far is your place, then? It's just
along here on the left.

I'm afraid it's a terrible mess.

I didn't know we were going to have a
visitor.

OK, we'll just turn into Cremorne Road.

Definitely two hostages.

I love the build -up.

Best bit.

How long to go?

Two hours, 14 minutes and 37 seconds.

It's a full nine seconds since you last
asked me.

Ah, time drags when you're nervous.

Well, you've got a lot to be nervous
about, being a Birmingham City

Don't talk.

I mean, it's a long time since you lot
were last in a cup battle.

You'll notice a lot of changes.

Here we go.

No laces on the ball.

Big lights that come on when it goes
dark.

Here we go.

Crossbars, nets.

Tint of pig's blather anymore, you know.
Here we go, here we go, here we go.

Your lot will probably pick up the ball
and head off in a bunch with it towards

the nearest church steeple. Here we go.

You finished?

Ooh.

Your glass empty already?

Yeah,

yeah. Well, it should make an
interesting game.

Little unknown club like Birmingham City
taking on the mighty strutting

stormtroopers of the all -conquering
Manchester United.

Sort of David versus Goliath.

Sort of Desert Orchid versus Muffin the
Mule.

Sort of Bonnie Langford taking on Mike
Tyson.

Should be an interesting game.

Dave. What?

What did you promise this morning?

I promised.

We promised that if we watched the match
together, we wouldn't have any

pathetic, childish, infantile abuse
about each other's teams.

Exactly. You started flicking quavers at
me during the Brian Robson interview.

You were kneeling and kissing the
television set.

I was only saying what... any impartial
observer would say.

Simply pointed out that your team is
going to be hopelessly outclassed,

humiliated, taken to sketchless, made a
laugh in Stockholm, in a

billion homes around the world.

That's it. Go on.

Go on.

Let's see the ugly face of football.

Do you know it's that kind of thing that
nearly killed the game?

One or two morons spoiling it for the
rest of us.

You cannot stand to have a rational,
sensible debate about football, can you?

You always resort to mindless violence.

Oh,

sorry.

Slipped.

Seen us.

We're going to have to sweat this one
out.

This is him, sir.

Brian Edward Phillips.

Armed robbery, extortion, hijacking.

Most impressive.

He's not going to give up without a
fight.

What's the procedure?

The first thing we've got to do is get
those two old people out of the house.

We'll offer him a swap.

Two of our lads.

Let me turn for the hostages. Sir, if
you're looking for volunteers, I'd like

offer myself.

That's good of you, son.

But I don't see any point risking the
lives of perfectly good officers.

No, I think I know just the men for this
job.

Ah, Briggs, Louis.

Sorry to fetch you out at such short
notice.

Hope it isn't too inconvenient.

Inconvenient?

You can call it inconvenient, would you,
Dave?

No, wouldn't call it that.

Oh, I wouldn't have done it if the
situation wasn't very urgent.

Now we've got an armed escaped prisoner
holding two hostages in that bungalow.

He's agreed to a swap.

I want to send two of our people in
there in exchange for the old folks.

Good idea.

We're going to wire up our volunteers
with radio mics and then they're going

go in and try to talk the gunman into
giving himself up.

Yeah? Yeah, great. Yeah, yeah.

Good plan.

Well, that's that sorted out.

Let's get back. We don't hang around
getting under your feet, sir.

The mics look like this.

Very nice.

Whatever will they think of next?

And they tape onto the chest like this.

Very clever.

Well, you seem to have it all worked
out.

You lot should have him out in no time.

Well, no use hanging around any longer.

True. Time waits for no man, eh, Dave?

And before you go, I'd just like to say,
gentlemen, I'm full of admiration for

both of you.

Thank you very much.

Thank you, sir.

Any time you want any advice, we're
always here.

Problem shared is a problem halved.

Well, off you go.

And good luck.

Look, with our midfield, look, don't
come into it.

By the way, sir, which pair of pillocks
volunteered for a job like this on Cup

Farm?

Very tense moments now, just ten minutes
or so away from kick -off as the Reds

of United and the Blues of Birmingham
begin this long walk down the famous

Wembley Tunnel.

You can't help wondering what's going
through their minds.

Perhaps a few nerves here and there
creeping in as they hear the Wembley

for the first time.

One or two of the players indeed waving
to friends in the crowd.

And for some of these players, you have
to say that just a few months ago...

This was the very last thing they were
expecting.

But like so many of us, they wouldn't
miss this occasion for the world.

Now remember, if anyone so much as farts
without my say -so, I'll take great

pleasure in putting a bullet through
their brains.

I don't believe in taking human life.

But policemen are a different matter.

You understand what I'm saying?

He wants to make quite sure you're still
alive, so speak.

Well, go on, say something.

Bastard.

Sneaky bastard.

Now, listen, I want a fast car and ten
grand in cash within three hours.

Otherwise, they both get it.

OK?

Bastard.

Bastard, bastard, bastard.

What's the matter with you two? Don't
you like my company?

What?

No, no, no. We love your company.

There's nowhere else we'd rather be, is
there, Bob?

Well, then relax.

We've got three hours to kill.

And when we've killed three hours, we
might even have two policemen to kill.

That was a joke, gentlemen.

So laugh.

It's a quarter to three.

Yeah.

You know what that means, don't you?

They're singing to him.

That's good.

That's very good.

A classic calming procedure.

I didn't know you were so well trained.

Three o 'clock.

There's less than three hours to go now,
gentlemen.

So make the most of it, won't you?

Did you remember to set the video?

We're sitting here with three hours to
live and you were worrying about the

video.

What are you two whispering about?

Nothing. Nothing.

Did you or didn't you?

I didn't shut the bloody video.

Funnily enough, when we left the flat, I
didn't realise we were going to spend

the afternoon being held hostage by a
homicidal maniac.

Video it, sir.

Video it.

Video it, sir. Video it. What's he
trying to say?

Sounds like they want us to video it,
sir. Video?

Of course he's talking about video
surveillance.

Yeah, we've got a surveillance team
ready to go in.

Get a camera round the back of the house
right away.

I like Louis' style.

His life's at stake, and still he's
thinking about procedure.

I'm going to check the back of the
house.

Now, if either one of you as much as
moves, you are dead.

I spy with my little eye something
beginning with E.

To give in?

Yeah, yes.

Television.

Television?

Here, in front of me.

Can't see anything.

Look, it's right there. If it was on,
I'd have a perfect view.

Hey, and there's the remote control.

We can't. We can.

We keep the sound down.

Typical Birmingham City passé.

No touch, no style.

Big boo every time.

Get on with it.

Now, just watch how I control this with
my right

and then flick it up with my left.

And what are you going to press the
buttons with, clever dick?

What's happening?

Hmm? What's happening?

Oh, it looks like one hell of a game.

Oh, what a nice try.

What nice try? Whose nice try?

Oh, it's a cracking bit of football.

Go on, take it all away, take it all
away. Come on, now, cross.

Cross your fill.

Oh, brilliant.

Now, Robert.

Why is he coming back? Oh, God. Turn it
off.

Turn it off.

Contact

them.

And you two are getting right up my
nose.

And you won't like me when you're up my
nose.

He wanted to watch the cup final.

I told him. I said... I said, Brian
said, be quiet.

But, oh, no, he... Cup final?

Yeah.

Manchester United, Birmingham City.

David versus Goliath.

You mean today is FA Cup final day?

You mean you didn't know? I've been
inside, haven't I?

Every Saturday afternoon for the past
seven years, I've sat alone on a hard,

cold bench, staring at a bucket full of
excrement.

That's a bit like being a Birmingham
City supporter.

Manchester United and Birmingham, you
say?

Yeah. Should be a good game.

Plenty of goals.

Yeah.

Wouldn't it be great if Man United got
stuffed?

Oh, wouldn't it?

You could be a Birmingham supporter like
me, and we could both be against Dave.

And we have remote controls now, Brian.

You don't even have to get out your
chair to turn the sound up.

Yeah, yeah.

In it is here.

All you have to do is just press that
button there.

What's

that

roaring sound?

I don't know.

It sounds like the TV.

If it is, we're getting somewhere.

They're obviously trying to relax him.

Those boys of yours are doing a damn
fine job.

It's not a very good picture, is it?

No. It's an aerial.

Move it off the telly.

Come back a bit.

That's better. Yeah.

That's it. Go on.

That's great. That's great.

That's great.

What the hell

is going on?

And it's Birmingham City.

Birmingham City. United.

Cha -cha -cha. United.

Cha -cha -cha.

Cha -cha -cha.

He choked.

Very frightening.

Offside! He was never offside. He was a
mile offside.

He was level.

A couple as he was level. He was a mile
offside.

He was onside.

He was onside.

Get some specs, ref.

I think what it is, is some water put
into the transmitter.

They must be sweating heavily.

Not surprising.

I must be getting very tense.

No! Yes!

Go on, Meister! Please, no!

Yes! Yes, yes!

Go on!

I could murder a can.

And me.

And me.

Well, we can't exactly nip out to the
off -lighters, can we?

He's not thinking, are you?

What do you mean?

Well, it's obvious.

This is a hostage situation, right?

And in hostage situations, you can ask
for anything you want.

Get on the blower to the bus.

Tell him it's 20 cans of lager or the
pigs get blown away.

And I'll have some clivers.

Peanuts for me, actually.

Oh, and I'll have some Bombay mix.

Five packets of quavers and dry roasted
nuts and three bags of crisps, mutt

cheese and onion.

We might not be able to get the lions
right away.

What is that animal doing to them?

Half -time.

Nicely poised.

Oh, nicely poised. We're murdering you.
Get out of it.

Actually, Brian, with it being half
-time and all, I couldn't half do with a

quick Jeff Hurst.

A Jeff what?

A Jeff Hurst, a burst.

So, if you could just untie the ropes
for a while.

You think I'm bloody stupid, don't you?

Oh, I just want... You're not going
anywhere without me. If one goes, we all

I don't need to go, Brian.

I'm blessed with a very large bladder.

If I say you're going to go, you're
going to go.

You know, all of a sudden, I don't want
to go.

OK.

Now, don't want any funny tricks, all
right?

We all go to the lavatory together.

And I want you to keep your hands on
your heads at all times.

Well, I've never seen anything like
that.

What?

How he missed from there, I do not know.

Well, it was a difficult angle.

You've got to remember the surface is a
bit wet on the foot.

He's closing the curtains.

That's it. A bit more. A bit more.

A bit more.

That's great.

That's not so good.

He's trying to shut out reality.

This could be a critical moment.

I don't think I can take much more of
this.

You're not singing anymore.

You're not singing anymore.

One nil, one nil, one nil, one nil.

Yeah.

Still all to blame for.

I want the armed response unit to get
tooled up and be ready to go in on my

command.

I want a marksman up on the roof.

There are two brave coppers in there.

And by God, they're friends of mine.

If they die, a little bit of all of us
die.

Mates, oppos, buddies.

They do anything for each other.

The least we can do is the same for
them.

Just because he's losing, just because
he's losing. We haven't lost yet. We

haven't lost yet.

Every time you have to resort to
chucking things. Plenty of injury time.

clogged. Do you want somebody to spear
out your trousers? Do you want somebody

to spear out your trousers? Just try it.
Do you want somebody to spear out your

trousers? Do you want this? Do you want
this? For God's sake, it's only a bloody

game. You could have had my hand on it.

You could have had my hand on it. You
could have had my hand on it.

And Birmingham City have equalised in
the

89th minute of normal time.

He shot them.

No, sir. I can still hear Louis.

He seems to be singing.

What's he singing?

Sounds like shit on the villa.

Shit on the villa, sir.

What is he trying to tell us?

Oh, my God.

Only minutes to go in what's been an
overall enthralling contest, and the

tension really is growing now. You can
cut the atmosphere here at Wembley with

knife.

Shoot!

Shoot! For God's sake, shoot!

I don't believe it.

He's actually challenging him to shoot
him.

Brilliant. Ah, you missed, you tosser.

Okay, that does it.

We're going in.

And there's the final whistle. It's

all over.

One all after extra time. And that means
that they'll have to do it all over

again on Wednesday evening.

Same place Wednesday, lads?

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