Original subtitles

I can't believe they're 18.

I can't believe it. It feels like that.

I mean, I know we didn't see, like, their first birthday, you know, all

like, birthday stuff. But I feel like they're growing thin now. It's crazy.

I mean, even for their stepmoms, we're still their moms. Absolutely. And you

watch them grow up. Absolutely.

And it's crazy. We just grew up like that.

I am just so excited for the birthday party, though. We've got decorations.

We've got presents.

Yeah, you are, right?

I guessed you about the presents.

I guessed you that I could find them.

You don't have to. You don't have presents.

Uh, shit. I guess you don't have the presents.

Okay, well, maybe they won't notice.

Well, our friends will be here. Yeah, it's going to be a full house. Yeah.

going to be so much fun. Yep. Okay, so you guys are burning the balloons.

Um, go.

We have a cake. You did get that cake. I did get the cake. Oh my God. Okay.

I kind of did get that one. Oh, I see. Yeah. Oh, that's cute.

Yeah. What kind of cake is it?

I don't know. It looks great. It looks great.

It'll be good.

It's got blue and orange.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

I love it. I'm excited.

We can hang the stringers over there.

Yeah. You want to start?

They're so cute.

I don't even know it.

Well, let's mold in that.

And so we put that there.

You get in there and you don't even know?

Eh, maybe.

Alright, um, I'm going to put those.

I'm going to blow up some balloons.

Okay.

Okay.

Oh, look how cute they got.

Alright,

you're going to like...

Yeah, you kind of unwind it, right? But then, yeah, yeah, well, I can do this.

Yeah, it's easier to go that way.

And then you're going to undo those ones. Oh,

so we can go like this? Yeah.

Okay, there we go.

There was a bag in my backseat.

Okay.

With the invitations we had.

Wait, wait, wait. Excuse me.

Did you say that the invitations are in your backseat?

I was going to tell Paul that the book is office.

And then I don't know what happened.

So we don't have the presents and we don't have the gas?

I forgot something.

Um,

but I found... Okay, well we have Twitter boys.

And so I have... The

boys are going to be down in

a minute.

So here's what I think.

Right?

There's not a whole lot we can do.

Because we didn't find anything.

So, why don't we... Why don't we just keep decorating, and maybe one of us

come up with a really good idea in the meantime.

Okay, yeah, we'll just keep decorating, do a little brain process.

Yeah.

Dude, fuck yeah!

18, man!

Let's go!

Can you believe it, dude?

I've only been waiting for 18 years, right? Uh -huh, right? Like, my entire

to get to this moment.

I can't wait for this party, though.

Dude, mom invited everybody.

Everybody is going to come. Like, literally, I'm trying to get a blowjob

thinking of the coffee.

You think I could get it in that?

Yeah. I mean, fuck it.

I don't care.

I don't care. Yeah, dude, that's awesome. Who cares? Like, fucking gross

hoes, you know what I mean? Oh, my God. And I know, like, it is a fact. People

have said if you don't use it, you lose it. So, like. Yeah, you got to fucking

use it. I'm trying to use mine.

If you're not going to use it, why have it sit there? You know what I mean?

Dude, honestly, we're 18.

I can't stop thinking about humping everything, smoking everything, in

I'm ready to rock and gold, but on the street. Dude, let's go downstairs and

some fucking cake.

Yeah. What are we waiting for?

I saw this.

The smoking dick.

Why does it smell like that? I don't know. It smells exactly like dick.

I've never smelled a balloon that smells so much like a penis.

I mean, do you really want a bunch of random people from the gas station?

How do they know?

Gas neighbors?

That would take so much time. I'm like, all the random people? I don't know.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Maybe the cake height.

The cake height?

I don't know.

It looks amazing.

Yeah. Honestly, I'm surprised that there's any circles on it.

I wonder what kind.

Okay, we'll find out.

I hope they find it.

Happy birthday to you. Oh my god.

Yes. There we go. So good.

Okay, there we go. Thank you. I mean, I could spend the next 25 minutes in your

channel.

Can I help you? Please, because otherwise... Do I throw you 18?

Or is this mini -affair? Oh, yeah, I don't know. I was just kidding.

Just throw them in there.

Mom, that'll be fun.

Do we open these soon?

Yeah, I want to open these.

Soon. Soon. Really soon.

Let's just enjoy the day festivities. Yes.

We're going to have so much fun. Don't even think about the clatter.

Oh, I forgot fort.

What kind of cake is it?

It's a surprise.

Oh my gosh, Brooklyn.

It's a surprise.

Don't think that.

Should we wait for our friends?

Yeah. There's no one here yet.

No. Listen, it's your room. It's not theirs.

Yeah. What did you invite them?

Let's do the cake first, and then we'll discuss that later.

Yes. And I feel like eating cake was your thing anyway.

So.

I mean, I got that. So, yeah. You wanted to eat it first, right?

Do you want me to ask?

It's really good.

Mom, thank you so much.

Yeah, thank you, Mom.

You're welcome.

That's super sweet.

So, uh, what time did you guys invite the gals?

Yeah, where's everybody?

Yeah, I figured, like, Gumby would be here by now.

That's what I was expecting, yeah, for a birthday. Shoot, I thought they were

going to be here for the cake. Maybe it's going to be, like, a big after

or something.

I think they're hiding. Is everyone hiding? Is that what they're doing? Oh,

a fucking surprise party.

It is a surprise party, yeah!

That's why no one's here with us, with all of our friends.

Well, maybe after the speech we could come out on the pool, but it might be a

pool party.

Yeah.

So, how do we fun this thing?

We decided there would be more fun if it was just us.

Yes, we did!

We did that on purpose.

Internet family, birthday.

They did that for him?

It's easier and cheaper. I blew a lot of money on the gift, whatever, right? So

what if we save a little money and wait for the strippers?

It gives me like a cool 18th birthday, you know?

We're not related.

I know, but we're not even really related.

Okay, what if I got for your son, you got for my son?

I mean, I guess that makes things less awkward?

Maybe he's super into it.

I don't know. I heard he came out, though.

Your son is, I caught him starting to move, like, four times today, alone.

Um,

okay.

So.

Just dance.

Wait,

you first need to dance, then I'm going to do that. So what are we talking

about?

birthday with us?

You know, it's their 18th birthday. If you don't want to go all out and you

might want to make this a shitty birthday party, that's up to you. Are

kidding me? Is there a shitty birthday party? Exactly. You never would.

So, obviously, we're just going to kind of play it out. Oh, that's a challenge.

Okay, fine, fine, fine.

They're going to love it. They're going to freak. It's going to be like one for

the books, you know?

I can't believe it.

Hi, guys.

So, we decided that in order to make

your birthday better and fun for you, and we'll burst.

We're really sorry.

Yes, at least about the presents.

So sorry.

It's your 18th birthday.

You forgot our presents, too?

So,

we had an idea.

You're 18 now.

How would you like, wait.

How would you like a stripper?

What? Strippers?

Really? You guys are?

Yes. So, last thing I want you to do is have a bad birthday party.

So, yes, we're the strippers.

So, do you want a lap dance?

From my mom?

Of course not.

From your sexy...

Getting a striptease from Brooklyn.

Yeah. Getting a striptease from you. And Alaska.

Maybe more.

But we haven't started that yet.

We haven't started that yet.

Unless you want it. Yeah.

Yeah. I think that would be a good present.

Yeah. I could maybe survive for a little while.

Yeah. Probably. It's.

They ought to work a little bit though. Because.

No presents. Oh.

We will be the height of second.

We'll be flaming hot.

Yeah, this will get me ready for Sandra, right?

Yeah. What are you getting me into right now?

It's going to be fun.

Okay, so you guys got the ball?

Wow, show me.

Show me how you start coaching.

I'll follow you.

Are you guys ready?

Yeah, of course.

Okay, so I like this.

okay and then you okay what okay i like i'm sure yeah okay yeah or at least

i mean oh my god

Oh my gosh.

Oh my god, you've got to suck on these?

What's sucking on these right now?

I didn't breastfeed him. It's not really fun.

It's true.

I get to them.

Wow,

there's so good.

Look at this.

Yeah, that's what mommy's talking about.

That's why you're piss keeping my mom. What are you talking about?

Oh,

wow.

Look at

that Brooklyn.

You're, you're.

We are best

friends.

I think you've done it before.

No.

Look at that. I could watch this butterfly all day.

Why? I never caught that butterfly when I was as old as you are today.

Is this what birth days are always like when you're an adult?

Yeah. It can be.

I think we should.

Oh, wow.

I think we should.

Isn't this a good birthday gift card?

Yeah, it could be better.

Like, you know, go shop first. I'm in!

You have it in the camera.

Take them off.

Candace. Oh, Jesus.

I did it because you're my best friend.

At least you guys forgot I'm your best friend.

Right.

Okay.

Alright.

Yes, sir.

You're not good at this.

You're not great at this.

Oh my God.

This is the best birthday ever.

Yes, so far.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh my goodness.

Oh my

goodness.

Happy birthday.

Dang. Oh my gosh.

Dude, your mom knows exactly what she's doing.

oh wow

Do you feel better than the party?

Did your mom go so deep?

Thank you.

Come on. It's his birthday.

What, are you going to tell that face no?

Look at that face.

Okay, well, I'm not going to take care of your food. You're going to take care

of mine.

So,

fine. I will take care of your son.

Okay.

Happy birthday.

Happy birthday.

I love you. Yeah.

There.

Wow!

Oh yeah, just like that mom.

Oh my God, yeah.

Make it go back.

Oh my

god.

I'll tell you.

Oh my gosh.

It's like more pure or something. I don't know. Come here. Let me relax.

Yes.

Yeah, you put it down here and then you're on top.

Yeah, just reverse it if you want to get... Okay, and now?

Yeah, this looks about right.

Yeah, I think this is like that. Go ahead, you

can keep going.

Okay, ready?

Oh, wow.

Flip there.

Pull it down for me, you can help me.

Pull it down for me.

Oh my gosh.

Bro, I just came on your mom's face.

A lot. Dude, I'm about to come on yours.

I can't believe you just came on.

Damn,

you just came on my mom.

It's payback, bro.

Hey, look at us.

Yeah, I mean.

Well, I guess the only thing that we can say is happy birthday, guys. Happy

birthday.