Original subtitles

You were havin' a beer at the bar the other day.

Alexander!

How do you say constipated in German?

- I'm going to the beer store. - Farfrumpoopin.

Hold down the fort.

Would you like some cold water?

It's a hot one! - No, thanks.

- Alexander. - Hmm?

Penny for your thoughts.

I'm having a tough time right now.

- Well, times are tough. - Gail is my boss.

But I think she's really pretty.

And I'd like to ask her out on a date.

Oh, you like a woman who knows what she wants.

I could use some advice, gents.

Well, we got four strong hands, we can help.

Coach looks like he might be

a little too drunk for this sorta thing.

Alexander thinks you might be a little too drunk

for this sorta thing. What do you think of that, Coach?

- No! - Well, there ya go.

- Thanks, Coach. - Yeah.

- Onward. - So I think that in this case,

as in most cases, honesty is the best policy.

Well, one should always mind their scruples.

So I'd say, "Hey Gail, I know you're my boss,

but I think you're really pretty, and I'd like to ask you out on a date."

Oh. This guy doesn't waste any time. What do you think of that, Coach?

- I love it. - In the event that she accepted

the invitation, and I do like my chances here,

I'd ask her to take a walk up for ice cream.

Oh, I think you might be sweet enough. What do you think of that, Coach?

- Yeah, he is. - While we ate our ice cream,

I would comment privately on people walking by

and try and make her laugh. All while telling her

how pretty she looks. - Oh, you'll get a long way

tellin' a gal she looks pretty. What do you think of that, Coach?

- Tell her. - Then I'd take her for a walk

down to the river, find a nice bench along the bank

for us to sit on, and then I'd ask if she'd mind if I held her hand.

First he's holdin' hands, and then what, Coach?

Anything can happen.

I would continue talking to her

and trying to make her laugh, all while doing some inconspicuous

deep breathing trying to settle my heart rate down

from the sheer euphoria of holding hands.

And once my heart rate had settled,

I would go in for a kiss. - Here we go now.

This guy doesn't even ask. What do you think of that, Coach?

Sometimes, you don't have to.

Sometimes, you don't have to.

I would assume from her smiles and laughter

that asking for a kiss was a step I could skip,

but I would also be looking for visual clues

such as flushed cheeks to indicate that the woman had become aroused.

Oh that's when you know you got her real fired up. What do you think of that, Coach?

She's so horny.

So, let's talk about next steps, here, Alexander.

I believe it's impolite to kiss and tell past this point.

Boy oh boy, you got quite a plan there, Alexander.

Sounds like Gail's really in for it.

She's gonna get it.

I suppose now all I have to do is get past the pickle

of asking my boss out on a date.

Alexander.

I know you're my employee, but I think you're handsome

and I'd like to take you out on a date.

Yup. You like a woman who knows what she wants.

When a friend asks for help, you help 'em!

- Why's he shouting? - Dary's a fucking degen now.

Dary's a degen now?

And I ain't friends with degens!

- Now you're shouting. - It's me who's your friend.

It's me who's askin' for help.

When a friend asks for help, you help 'em.

Those dudes get into some bad shit Saturday nights.

We gotta get this sorted now.

Saturday night's alright for fighting.

- Fuck degens! - We'd be a lot more productive

without the shouting. - And if Dary's a degen,

then fuck him too.

Fuck is it hot.

- Hey, Katy? - Wayne.

- It's Saturday, eh? - Can confirm.

So then it's not as if you're dressed for taco Tuesday...

- No. - K.

And hey, Dan? - Good buddys.

- It's Saturday, eh? - All day.

So then it's not as if you're dressed for Sunday service...

- Nope. - K.

Well, it's for sure not Halloween!

Is this about this, Wayne?

- Oh what that, Katy? - Or this?

You're gonna have to be a wee bit more specific, Dan.

The skids and hockey threw me a Mexican themed party.

- What fer? - Try to convince me

not to move there. - Well, that's a bit

bass ackwards. - I suppose.

Like if they wanted to convince you not to move there,

why wouldn't they just show you some photos of some nutsacks

hangin' from bridges with their dinks cut off

in Ac... apulco?

Yeah. I guess it was a bit bass ackwards, wasn't it...

But why would they have to convince you?

You'd never move there. - Mm.

- What did you say mm? - Yeah I said mm.

- Why'd you say mm? - Just sayin' mm.

She can't say mm?

I just wanna know why she said mm.

Mm... I dunno...

I'm kind of flirting with the idea.

Why?

Just feeling a bit stuck.

- Where are you goin'? - Call Lily.

She's got a list of resorts we could work at.

Now where are you goin'?

I'm helping Lovyna and the Dyck's do hay.

Why don't you help me do hay?

You already did hay. I can sees it from heres.

That's fuckin' barleh.

Wayne, you ever wonders

if you're in the right place?

Not once in my entire life.

- Okay. - 'N you?

When things slowed down there for a little bit,

I found myself spending way too much times

on the internets reading stuff that pissed me offs.

Made me irrationals and defiants.

My hope is that many, many others come to the same realization.

An idle mind is the devil's playgrounds.

Then you're just one more nutsack shoutin' on Twitter.

The more time I spents with Lovyna Dycks,

I cames to really appreciates her people's simple way of lifes.

You know, Mennonites is always busy.

Sun ups to sun downs, working hard,

helping each others. - Poopin' into buckets.

A general non-materialistic ways of life.

They'll poop into a hole in the ground.

And a real commitments to peace.

Fuck can they run.

I've never been the churches'

biggest champion, but it's good to branch out

every now and again, Wayne, you know.

Expand your horizons, see what's out there.

Good way to make sure you don't get stuck.

- Can't catch a W, here, boys. - Really?

'Cause I feel like I'm on a real high lately.

L after L after L, boys.

Really? 'Cause I feel like I'm on a real high.

We tried to make Katy feel special,

but she's just got the blinders on for Mexico.

- Monomania. - Tunnel vision, boys.

A ruling passion.

At least you guys still have Hooters.

- ...but Snooters. - Au contraire .

We no longer have Hooters.

- ...but Snooters. - Huh?

My neighbour is the fire marshal

and said if we pack that many people in there again

he'll call the fuzz. - Come on. It's Hooters!

- ...but Snooters. - I know it's Hooters!

- ...but Snooters. - Twas elite.

Meh.

I am not above being obsequious towards him.

But the door is closed. - Why?

- Tell him, Roald. - Why don't you tell 'em.

- Tell 'em, Roald. - Why don't you tell 'em.

Roald made out with his son in my back yard last year,

and now he thinks we turned him gay.

Once you go cack you never go back.

- Is that true? - Once you taste sack,

you never go back. - Seerie, dog?

Once you eat crack, you never--

Okay! Good for Roald gettin' some ass and all,

but a little sympathy over here, boys!

The love of our lives is walking out the door!

I can hardly believe it.

She mustn't be into the whole men dressed like boys thing.

I'm kinda into it.

And who are these two?

- Stewart. - Roald!

You look like a Lego man.

And you look like something I pulled out of the drain.

Okay, de-Jennifer Lawrence.

More of a de-Jenny McCarthy, but...

Yeah. De-Jenna Jameson. Look, I like a little bit

of chirping just as much as the next guy.

Same, boys. We can dish it out, we can take it.

Yeah. But we pushed up on you like, once,

and then you just showed up and started calling us dusters.

Still take you down, hundy P...

Oh yeah, 100%. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. Your friend too.

- Okay - Shut up.

But we're strangers. Okay? We don't even know each other.

You can't just show up and start chirping a stranger.

That's how trouble starts. - Even with people we know,

there's only one girl we let chirp us like that.

- Who? - Me.

You've got some gams on you there, lady, I'll give you that much.

- She's got an ass too, yew! - Yew!

Yew! - Meh. Thanks.

Ya I caught'er as soon as she walked that little farty box in here.

- Me or her? - The two of ya.

Your fuckin' stank mitt stacked up.

- 'Scuse me? - The boys are right.

You can't just show up and start chirping strangers.

That's how trouble starts.

Isn't that exactly what you're doing?

You're fuckin' right I am.

You got a whole postal code upcountry.

You should fuck off to it before you get bit.

K.

So take that stank mitt back to the bush, bitch.

And don't ever talk to these boys again, you hear me?

Keep your head up. We'll come for you.

We'll come to you.

I need a chew.

How'r ya now?

She's a hot one.

- Enjoying your honeymoon? - Beats being stuck.

- Oh, for fuck's sake. - What?

Like, it's the whole town with that phrase.

What'd yous all read it on the back of a box of sugar cereal?

- Everybody's got their thing. - Who's got their thing?

- Dan's got his Mennonites. - A wee bit.

- Katy's got Mexico. - She's flirting with the idea.

- You've got Rosie. - Sure.

Now I have the degens.

Good buddy?

You are far too bright to be saying that out loud.

- I don't even like these. - Yes, you do.

- No, I don't. - Fag.

- Fag!? - Huh.

But don't you mean "fags"?

- Yeah. Fags. - Huh.

I've been called a lot of things in my life.

Yeah, fag, hundreds of times.

But never by a deeply closeted gay man.

That, Madam, is a first.

Everybody there thinks I'm funny and cool.

It's not as if I think you should jump off a bridge.

I'm not just the guy in his barn clothes.

Well, you're still the guy in his barn clothes.

Yeah, but I'm not just the guy in his barn clothes.

So you're happy where you are.

- Yup. - Even if it's Saturday night?

What do you know about Saturday night?

Bad gas travels fast in a small town.

- It's fine. - So you don't see

anything wrong with it? - No.

- Not even a wee bit? - Not even one drill bit.

- Not even one bell pepper? - Nope.

So you're saying you're just fine?

Yup.

- And dandy? - Mm-hm.

So you're saying you're just fine and dandy?

He said yeah!

I know how you feel about us, Okay? We're bad.

But Daryl's one of us now.

He's bad too.

Dary, when you die, will anyone say,

"I'm glad he's dead"? - No.

- Then he's not that bad. - You know, I think you'd like

this firey lifestyle.

It's a rush. It's... It's an addiction.

Addiction exists for two reasons.

to ruin your life. - And two?

To make you think that everything is fine.

Hey, man, being a degen's fun!

Fuck, it's too much fun!

That's why you don't put the monkey in charge of the bananas.

Let's get out of here, Daryl.

Dary, why don't you hop in with me.

I said, let's get outta here, Daryl.

Dary. Why don't you hop in with me.

Okay, listen... You just finished saying how everyone has their own thing.

Okay, and then, some Mennonite Mexican rosy...

Some rosy Mexican... Fuck, I don't know!

Okay, so what? You go with him and you stay stuck.

Come with me, you're a king.

You got the hottest gal in the yard!

Isn't that your sister?

It's almost not even worth thinkin' about.

Let's get outta here, Daryl.

Dary, why don't you hop in with me.

And miss Saturday night?

Hey, girl!

Noticed you bought some dip, and now I'm all excited.

Hmm, so he's a spitter, huh.

Hmm, show me a spit.

Oh, I'll show you spit.

Show me a spit.

- Let's get out of here, Daryl. - Take that in your mouth,

what else are you gonna take in there, huh?

Don't even tell me. I don't even wanna know.

It's so fuckin' hot. Actually, you can tell me.

I really wanna know. It's so fuckin' hot buddy.

Fuck you! Fuck you, man!

At the risk of repeating myself,

when a friend asks for help, you help 'em!

Well, Tyson and I were talkin' and I kinda agree

that shoutin's not gonna be really productive

in getting to the bottom of this here situation.

Well, then don't shout.

That means you can't shout neither.

Clock's tickin', McMurray.

We gotta get this sorted now.

When a friend asks for help, you help 'em.

- But he's still shoutin'. - Who's shoutin'?

Well, there you weren't. But before you were.

- I don't think he was. - Well, he was kinda shoutin'.

- When he said "who's shoutin'?" - No, when he said,

"Clock's tickin', McMurray..."

- Fuck around. - Fine!

Look...

Yous always been there for me,

and I've always been there for yous...

But I gotta tell you, I'm having a real tough time

with this one, big hossy.

Real tough.

Fuck!

Fuck we supposed to do?

- Where's he going? - Degen-land.

- Degen-land? - Fuck degens.

Fuckin' eh, buddy. Let's go.

- Where are yous going? - Degen-land.

- Degen-land? - Fuck degens.

Fuckin' eh.

We've been taking it from the degens all week.

If he's gonna scrap them, I want in on it.

Fuck, you sure of that, pink dick?

It's Saturday night.

What do degens do on Saturday nights?

Real degen shit.

- Like... Snooters? - Snooters?

- Rips? - Snooters?

The artist formerly known as Squints.

- Parker Rosie. - How'r ya now?

- Good'n you? - Not so bad.

Say, do me a favour and don't use the word "stuck".

- Ask and you shall receive. - What's shakin'?

We're going way up into the interior to bring some dogs back.

Get 'em away from the forest fires.

She's cookin' out here.

You're a great gal, Rosie.

Wanted to call before I lose reception.

- Fuck's it hot here too. - You with the usual suspects?

- I am not. - What's the rumpus?

Well, after a quick assessment,

it appears the charm has worn off around here.

Ah. Dan's still a Mennonite?

Katy's still flirting with Mexico.

- And Dary's still a-- - Maybe I am stuck.

- Are ya? - I might could be.

Here's the scoop. The grass out here,

it's just a wee bit greener for me.

I wish you saw it the way I do when I look at it,

but you don't.

Lift your head up.

Look around you.

How's the grass in Letterkenny?

Do you wanna know what?

I don't know if it could get any greener.

So then it's pretty green.

- Some say the greenest. - Makes sense.

You're the toughest guy there. - Toughest guy in Letterkenny

rolls off the tongue nicely, doesn't it.

You are stuck, Wayne.

But there isn't a single thing wrong with it.

You are exactly where you belong.

You're always there for the people you love.

I know and everyone knows that if we ever need you,

if the grass isn't greener, you'll be right there.

Well, then, I guess, might as well just stay stuck.

Uh, okay, we're breaking up.

I said, I might as well just stay stuck.

Yeah. We're breaking up, cowboy.

Now...

I'll just stay stuck.

Quit talking to yourself, you fuckin' weirdo.

Look, say what you want, it's all I can survive in right now.

Ain't no reason to get excited.

It's so fuckin' hot out.

- More than a drill bit. - I don't know what

I was thinking flirting with the idea of moving to Mexico.

Good for a visit, but move there? Full time?

The summer here is hot enough. I'd fuckin' melt in that heat.

Your skin would look like an old saddle bag.

Lily and I are planning a trip somewhere warm,

but I couldn't live there. I need four seasons.

Fuckin' eh.

- Do you think she's cute? - Who, me?

- Yeah. - Yew!

Tell us how you really feel.

She drove past as I was sitting here

the other morning and I said to myselfs, I said, "Yew!"

Alright, I'll say it too. I'll say... Yew!

And then, I thought, I'm not gonna get any attentions from a gals like that

dressed as a fucking Mennonites.

You'll melt your dick off in this heat dressed like a Mennonite.

That's the other thing, Ms. Katys.

The nappers eat so much garlics that when they sweat,

it comes out their pores. - Isn't that somethin'.

Yeah. Schmellies'll stink you outta house and home.

- But fuck can they run. - Ya know as much as I respects

their beliefs and their lifestyles,

I think I'm gonna stick to just nit-pics'n

the good stuff, keep 'er movins.

Cut the corn, get 'er gorn.

When do you think Dary's gonna be done this degen honeymoon?

I think tonight's the night, big fella.

- What fer? - For me to crawl on top of ya.

Oh.

I think tonight's the night me 'n you get real sweaty.

Um... Maybe we could talk about this a wee bit later?

You bet we can.

I'll get you a beer. You want a beer?

Yes, please.

- Mick, you want a beer? - Yeah.

- Yeah. - I need something

to cool me down for sure.

Looks like you're in for it tonight, big shooter.

- Mm-hmm. - Yeah. You're gonna get it

real good, good buddy. - Mm-hmm.

You're a lucky guy.

Hey, listen, and I'm just spitballing here,

but what if-- - Saturday night, motherfuckers!

- Shit! Yes! - Shit. I forgot...

- What'd you forget? - I've gotta go.

What do you mean, you gotta go?

I gotta go... take care of my grandma's dog.

Grandma can take care of her own fuckin' dog.

- No, I gotta go. - Just tell her to give it

the old fucking size nines. - I gotta go. Okay?

I gotta. - Sit down!

You ain't goin' nowhere, hick.

Oh, fuck.

difuze