Original subtitles

You and your other pals were talking about trucks

the other day...

Just buy it, Jivin.

I ain't buyin' shit, you dumb mother fucker.

'94 Dodge Ram.

I don't care if it's an Aston Martin.

You can kiss my Aston Martin.

This is a 1500-dollar truck,

and I'm gonna sell it to you for one-thousand.

I ain't buyin' shit, you dumb mother fucker.

Dodge Ram was Motor Trend's Truck of the Year in '94.

Motor Trend's Truck of the Year, 40 years ago.

I ain't buyin' your 40-year-old truck, Mick.

30.

I for sure ain't buyin' 30 of 'em!

- No, it's 30 years old, not 40. - Is it only 30?

I'dd add that up again, Dary.

No, 30 years old, not 40.

Okay, I'm gonna trust you on this one, fella,

but I'm pretty sure that it's...

Ten more good years on that gal?

And you're saying it won Motor Trend's Truck of the Year?

And that's not debatable. That's fact.

Not like all these numbers that keep adding up different

every time. - Is that right?

Did it win any other awards? - Of course it did.

Right, Daryl? - Well, all time,

the Ram's won a bunch of awards, but in '94, I don't know.

It won Car and Truck Magazine's Car or Truck of the Year.

- It did? - You didn't know that?

- I did not. - Then you probably didn't know

that it won Truck and Auto Car's Passenger Trend of the Year.

- Passenger Trend? - What a year for the Ram!

The same year, it won Outdoor Truck Magazine's Sport Trend of the Summer.

- Outdoor Truck? - Outdoor Truck Magazine's

Sporting Trend of the Summer, Daryl.

Holy cannoli, right? - Now lemme get this straight.

I want to make sure I know what I'm payin' for here.

This truck you wanna deal

for a thousand bucks? - It's a 2000-dollar truck,

I'm gonna give to you 1500.

It won Motor Trend's Truck of the Year?

That's Car and Truck Magazine's Car or Truck of the Year,

and Truck and Auto Car's Passenger Trend of the Year.

And there was one more, eh, Mick?

Yeah. Wasn't there, Daryl?

Outdoor Truck Magazine's Sporting Trend of the Summer.

- Atta babe. - All that for 1500?

It's a 2500-dollar truck,

for you, I'll give it to you 1750.

Ah. That's a good amount of awards,

but... I'd feel better if it won one or two more.

- You want one or two more? - I'd feel better

if it won one or two more, yeah. - Well, Daryl, didn't you just

tell me it won Truck and Trends Motor Drive of the Year?

Yeah! Inboard Motor Car's Auto Trend of the Summer too.

All in the very same year, eh?

Can't forget Vehicle and Drive Magazine's

Outdoor Car of the Truck. - I figured it won that one.

Didn't it win Trending Truck's Best Passenger Drive too?

Hot damn, what a tally!

Driving Sport Magazine's Trending Auto Motor, definitely.

- Swept the season. - Just beat out the Silverado

for Auto Truck's Sporting Trend. - I heard those Silverado guys

were good and pissed on that one.

Just squeaked by the F150

for Car and Sport's Trending Motor Truck.

Why do you think I didn't buy that one?

- Because you're a smart man. - Eh.

Looky-looky.

All that for 1750?

Listen, it's a 3000-dollar truck,

but for you, I'll give it to you for two grand.

Deal.

Ha-ha!

Your pal tried to sell you his old boat right after,

but as your d'yad likes to say...

If you can float it, fly it, or fuck it... rent it.

- Wayne. - Who's that?

- Tyson. - And Bonnie.

Isn't it smokey in here?

I think they have two smoke machines going.

I'd believe they had 22 smoke machines going.

- Isn't it smokey. - Come dance!

How are yous even getting place to place in here?

The only reason I found this chair

is 'cause I walked my nuts into the arm of it.

- Hey, Katy-Kat. - Sup snipee's?

Not tonight, gents. Way too hot in here

to have you pushing your horns up against our backs.

Come on, for old time's sake?

Don't even bother with her. We're moving to Mexico!

- Okay. - Okay.

You know I've fought this guy three times?

- Was there a third? - You wouldn't remember

the first 'cause I knocked you out. - With a sucker.

Which you returned in the second fight.

Okay, now I remember the third.

That was also kind of a sucker.

- Him or you, bud. - Holy fuck.

I'm tired just thinking about it.

Yeah, I guess you get to a certain point

in life where you're not in such a hurry to stand up

when someone walks into a bar asking who's the toughest guy here.

Let's dance. It's too hot to just stand here.

That doesn't make sense.

Hey. Where's John Deere?

Oh, shit.

Fuck. Is that you, boo?

How'd you know?

Cuz I just kicked a steel toe, dickhead.

- Uh-oh. - Toughest boots in Letterkenny.

It's fuckin smokey in here, eh?

It is too smokey in here.

Isn't it smokey.

You're really serious

about Mexico, aren't you. - Why wouldn't I be?

Aren't you? - I don't know.

You're in a place like this after being in a place like that.

You don't ever feel stuck?

Yo, I stopped at a Mennonite produce stand today

and the ash from my dart dropped onto a hay bale

and almost lit that fucker up.

- That could have been barleh. - Then I got deja vu.

Well, that's a glitch in the matrix.

Yeah. Like I've seen this before.

I'm pretty sure you have.

Exactly!

The time I burned down your produce stand.

Oh yeah.

Fuck, we were out of our minds then, eh?

Yeah, you were pretty outta your mind then, Tanis.

Yeah. And then, the big brawl after?

Whoa, baby.

No good deed left unpunished.

I don't see that sort of thing going down anymore.

What, like, 'cause we're all pals?

No, I just can't see myself caring about something enough

to do like... a arson.

Well, sure, it's a bit extreme.

Or the brawl after.

Well, could be worse things than a scrap.

Like as if I did a arson...

Which we've established was a bit extreme.

Yeah. And then I rounded up every tough dude on the Rez

'cause I was like, "Fuck you, fight me!"

You are a rare breed, Tanis.

Yeah. Your girl had some energy, fuck.

- Fuck. - Fuck, eh?

- Holy fuck. - Well, I guess I learned

you know, you don't try that shit with the toughest guy in Letterkenny, huh.

- Do you wanna know what? - Hmm?

Given the chance again, I think I'd make more

of an effort for things to simmer a wee bit,

so it doesn't get to like... a arson.

Yeah.

I guess you get to a certain point in your life

where you're just like, not in such a hurry to brawl with a bunch of Indians.

Anyways. Later, boo.

Fuck. Tuck in those steel toes, dick head.

You could kill a man.

Mexico?

- Mexico? - Fuck Mexico.

Columbia is like right there! - Superior snooters.

Hey, my editor already hit me back about the photos.

- Love 'em? - They're lovable.

- Love it. - She wants me to shoot

the rest of Letterkenny on my way out tomorrow.

Just have an eye for Canada Gooses.

Mm.

Wayne?

- McMurray? - Wayne!

I can hear you, but I can't see you.

It's like getting fucked from behind!

- Isn't it smokey in here? - Smokey as a cock sucker.

- Isn't it smokey! - Speak again, Wayne.

I'll follow your voice. Wayne!

Marco.

- Found him. - Polo.

- You sure? - Well, either I've got

two hands around his bicep or Dick skin's horn.

- Wayne, how'r ya now? - Good'n you?

- Not s'bad. - Holy fuck, McMurray!

I think we finally stuck the landing on that greeting.

I'm really proud. - I can't believe...

Now, you're talking over me.

McMurray!

Well, Gail and I were

just talking about what a good guy you are.

He's a real good guy.

- He's a great guy! - Thank you.

- Yeah. And you know why? - Mm-hmm.

You're a good brother.

Yeah. You're a real good brother.

- You're a real great brother. - Well, it's good to be great.

Yeah, like remember that time Jivin was honking and hollering at Katy in the street?

- Fuckin' degen. - You held him down

on the ground in the dead of winter til he apologized.

Well, Katy's hoofed a box or two in my defense as well.

Yeah. But going after Dierks takes the cake.

- Fuckin' yank. - You got pertnear

everyone in the whole town to defend her!

Wanna know what? It's lucky we all had the day off.

- Day beers day. - You're right, Wayne.

Tough to pencil in a day off anymore.

We got so much chorin'.

We're all gettin' pretty busy, big fella...

- Got so much chores. - And the price of gas.

- Can't forget the price of gas. - Pricy as a cock sucker.

They'll pull your pants right down.

He'd have to meet us half way with the price of gas!

Yup. I guess you get to a certain point in life

where you're not in such a hurry to drive to Michigan

to beat the shit out of some dude who fucked with your sister.

Hey, cowboy, speaking of which... who's her cute friend?

I'm toast.

I say night cap.

And I say goodnight!

What about you, John Deere?

Have a beer?

- You want a beer? - Got a beer?

- Yeah, I got a beer. - Let's have a beer.

I'd have a beer.

Why are you way over on the other side?

See if the grass is greener.

What if you sat over here?

We may never know.

Tell me about you, John Deere.

Lotta green, bitta yellow.

Got a girlfriend?

- Yes. - Yes?

Yes.

On the rocks then. Same.

- Well, there ya go. - What's the problem?

Shouldn't air your dirty laundry.

- We're just talking. - Shouldn't tell tales

out of school. - Where is she now?

- Vancouver. - Oh my goodness.

Have you ever been out there? - No.

You won't want to come back.

Oh.

Mexico is my Vancouver.

Wanna know why me and my guy are on the rocks?

Shouldn't air your dirty laundry.

- He's stuck. - Shouldn't tell tales

out of school. - I love our town

and I love our life there, but every year,

we go to Mexico with my family and every year I can't wait.

I'm so excited, you know? - Yeah. I think I know.

But when it's time to come home, I'm not excited, you know?

Yes, I know.

I've asked him to move down there,

but he can't picture it.

He's stuck.

Well...

Life's short, gotta live it.

Exactly.

Ever heard of the three L's?

Live, laugh, love?

Leave life lived.

Let's not tell anyone I ended up over here

looking at you like this, k?

Well, you shouldn't air your dirty laundry.

Yeah, we don't need to tell anyone, right?

You shouldn't tell tales out of school.

Thanks for the beer.

- You're welcome. - Night, John Deere!

I didn't sleep at all last night, boys.

I didn't sleep at all last night.

I didn't sleep either, boys.

Yeah, I didn't sleep at all.

- Why didn't you sleep? - Too many BroDude's. You?

- It's like Hooters but... - Snooters.

Too many BroDude's plus Katy-Kat moving to Mexico equals no sleep ferda.

Katy's moving to Mexico?

That is disappointing. - I'm disappointed, Stewart.

- That is so disappointing. - I know.

Cuz like... Columbia is right there!

Superior snooters.

I really don't want her to go, boys.

Then tell her that!

Pussy. - Huh?

She said tell her that, pussy.

Unless degen girls are still your thing.

No.

Why don't you want her to go, anyways?

Mexico's fuckin' rad.

Listen... we go way back with Katy-Kat.

We've had our W's. We've taken our L's.

We've worked through a ton of adversity.

Oh yeah, you play in all three zones?

We accepted a long time ago that she doesn't want

anything to do with the boys anymore.

- Who? - Us.

The boys. - Huh?

But, boys... there's just something about that girl.

- The tits? - Oh, for sure the tits!

Unreal tits! - Divine!

I could drop an ounce of pre just thinking about'em.

But no, that's not it.

The ass.

Unreal ass. Stupid.

- Celestial. - Stewart.

I rear-ended a Miata

day-dreaming about it one time.

But that's not it either, boys.

There's something else. - She's special, boys.

Well then, make her feel special.

- What? - What?

- How? - What, do I look like

the fuckin' oracle? - She's not your mom, pussy.

What does Katy like?

- What? - What?

Get off your ass and figure it the fuck out.

Make a girl feel special, she's yours forever.

- Really? - She might fuck some other guys

here and there... - Yeah, she might fuck

some other guys here or there. - But basically, yeah.

We can help! We've got lots of energy.

Yeah. Let us help. We're not tired at all!

I don't need to sleep at all.

Sick, buddy.

I love that woman.

And I do deduce it is just as cogent

that Katy fall again for me as it is that she fall for you.

Nah.

Thanks, Tanis.

Cool.

Now go get me a beer, bitches.

How'r ya now?

And you?

Look, you don't talk a lot,

but it looks like you got lots to say.

We're not that different, eh?

We all come from good, hard-working, Canadian stock.

My new pal Daryl, he's a good guy.

- He's a really good guy. - He's a great guy.

What have you got against me at the end of the day? Huh?

Yes, I got a little bit drunk

and bumped into your sweetie, super chief.

But what's with the hostility?

You're a degen.

I'm not a degen. I'm just friends with 'em.

Show me your friends and I'll show you who you are.

You know, I knew Daryl was a gopher.

He'd go for this, and he'd go for that.

Must've been a reason he'd go for us now.

Must've been missing something when he'd go for yous.

Like a family?

If you're gonna go so low as that...

...suck my dick while you're down there.

Dary's flyin' a wee bit too close to the sun right now.

Chasing skirt. - My sister's name is--

I don't give a fuck.

But yous are degens.

- I'm just friends with them. - Show me your friends

and I'll show you who you are.

Dary's walking pretty tall right now,

but it's only a matter of time before you show him

who you are. And if he gets hurt

trying to catch a falling knife out there with yous...

That dog will hunt.

Get that fucking mutt out of here

before I give it the size nines.

- What is wrong with you? - What's wrong with me?

What's wrong with you?

- With me?! - Yeah.

- I don't know. - Your old friends, that's what.

Don't think I have any old friends.

- Wayne and Katy. - Yeah, but they're still

pretty young though. - It's not what I meant.

I meant... - Oh, now I see what that is.

- Like, from the past. - Right.

- So, not literally old. - Like we're your new friends.

And they're your old... - From before.

- So not literally old. - Not in age.

- Yeah. - No.

I still think I wouldn't call them

my old friends considering-- - Well, they ganged up on me

at the gas station. - What?

- Yeah. And assaulted me. - What?

Verbally. And you know what, I'll tell you one thing

for free, Chuck... if I hear either of them

speakin' my name around town,

oh, there's gonna be a predictament.

- Speakin' your name? - Yeah, you know,

like when rap guys are beefin' and stuff.

Put some respect on my name!

Don't speak it unless you're gonna put

some respect on it. - On what?

Put some respect on his name.

It's not as if it's... Cheez-Wiz.

Put some respect on it or pull up.

- Pull up? - Cash me outside.

How 'bout dah? - What do you mean pull up?

Pull up!

What are you strapping on about?

It's not as if it's his file.

It's Saturday night, mother fuckers.

- Is it really? - Yeah.

I thought it was Friday.

- Pull a straw. - What fer?

That's a little short, Daryl!

Ha! It's shorter than yours, that's for sure, Mick.

Mine too. I'm gonna go deal out the rest of these.

Buckle up, Daryl. Ha! Who hasn't picked yet?

What are the straws for?

It's a little game we play on Saturday nights

called Run'n Gun.

You're gonna love it.

The person who draws the longest straw... gets the gun.

The guy who draws the shortest straw gets to run.

Fuck!

Fuck, fuck, fuck...

Aw, fuck!

Let's have some fun.

Reilly?

Jonesy?

Over here Katy-Kat!

What are yous doing?

Just spicing up these carnitas

then I was moving on to carne asada.

Spicy Margaritas ferda.

Three ounces. Just the way you like 'em.

I'm gonna need to fuck a matador rapido.

Why Mexico? Columbia is like right there.

What do you mean, why Mexico?

I don't know. We just wanted to like, show you

that whatever you can do in Mexico,

you can also do it like, right here.

Sunshine, tacos, tequila.

Look at this beautiful beach!

It's basically an all-exclusive.

We don't have an Iguana, but I could Nair a squirrel for you.

Can I get some of that Nair before the squirrel uses it?

This is kinda fuckin sweet, boys.

Well, we wanted to make you feel special.

But I'm not moving to Mexico.

No?

I'm just flirting with the idea.

Columbia is like right there.

- Superior snooters. - But... why?

I think I'm just feeling a bit stuck.

Is your fucking phone broke?

Depends who's callin'.

- Me. - Then she's broke.

You one of 'em too, bud?

- One of what? - It's one of who.

'Cause if you is, you ain't welcome.

Are yous rehearsing a play here or something?

You ain't seen it yet, have you, big hoss?

- Seen what? - It's seen who.

I'm a degen!

- They made him do it. - Don't matter. He done it.

I need yous to come help me pull him out of there.

I hate degens. Always have.

- Third generation. - Fourth.

Well, you're preachin' to the choir, bud.

Fuck degens, Wayne.

And if Dary's a degen... then fuck him too.

Alistair Orson Westwood Yates pulled the long straw.

He's a good shot.

He's not really gonna shoot at him, is he?

He can put it anywhere he wants to.

Even in the dark.

I don't think this is for me.

Of course it is. You're a degen now, right?

This is what degens do.

Are you shaking right now?

No. It's just a bit of a breeze.

I'll keep you warm.

Daryl! Daryl!

What are you doing?

- I'm going home. - Why?

This isn't for me.

You're a degen, aren't ya?

Aren't you?

You show me your friends, I'll show you who you are.

You've been here so long they've forgotten

about you, big shoots.

They ain't thinking about you for a second.

So you can run, I don't know where you think you're running to.

Because I can promise you it ain't the way you left it.

Us degens, we stick together.

So stick with us.

'Cause without us, you're alone.

difuze