Original subtitles

Your pal was telling a fight story that was obviously fake

the other day. - How'd you know it was fake?

Way too much talkins.

Yous gonna have a smoke soons?

I was gonna have a smoke pretty soon, yeah.

- I mights have a smoke now. - Alright, I'd have a smoke.

Yeah... Do you want to hear my story or what?

- Here we go now. - I'm down Chilean Patagonia

in Rio Serrano's finest piscina and who do I see?

The ripest tittied Chilean Patagonian

I've ever seen and not by a c-hair.

Oh yeah, what was her name?

Then she starts Frenchin' me. Outta nowhere.

Showing you how things are done down in Chileans Patagonias.

But then I feel a tap on my shoulder.

I turn around and this great big fella, he grabs me by the collar.

Had to be a foot taller than me.

Couldn't believe how tall he was.

What was he about 250lbs?

He was 300lbs or I'm a Panda.

- Big boy. - It's pandemonium.

So I look him, dead in the eyes,

and I says to him I says, "Excuse me, big papi,

I'm busy with this senorita." - Uh-oh.

He looks down at me...

He wasn't already lookin' at ya?

And he says to me he says,

"You're either crazy, or you're tough as hell."

And what did you says?

I says "Look me in my eyes, el capitane.

I might be a bit of both."

Like, you know what I mean, like I might be both crazy and tough as--

Seems like you have lots of conversations like this

with really big guys rights before you gets into a fights, ehs, McMurrays?

It didn't end there.

- Well, let's say it did. - Oh, oh, oh now.

Are you saying you doubt that this ever happened, Squirrelly Dan?

- Which times? - Which time?

- Yeah, which times? - Wayne!

Oh keep your tits on, McMurray.

Everybody knows this sort of shit happens down there all the time. Eh, Squirrelly D?

Fuck, now that I think of it, almost exact same thing

happened to me last time I was down Puerto Vallarta's Zona Romantica.

Eh, Squirrelly D?

- Who's Zona Romantica? - Oh, yeah.

Puerto Vallarta's Zonas Romanticas.

- What happened, Wayne? - See, I'm just standing there

drinkin' a beer, minding my own business, next thing I know,

this great big prick walks up, kicks me right in the stomach.

He was 350lbs or I'm a Banjo Catfish.

- What did you do? - I caught his foot in the air,

looked him dead in the eye and I says, "Hey, muchacho ...

No bueno." - You see, Squirrelly D?

Did I ever tells you guys what happeneds to me last time

I was down Governadors Valderes? - No, sir. You did not.

I was breaking the ice over cocktails with this little chicas .

Her arms were hairier than his.

Sits down to tie my shoes,

when a literal giants...

He was 400lbs or I'm a wet Pomeranian.

Walks rights up to me, smacks the hats cleans off my heads.

- No! - So I look skywards.

- He was big as a house. - Looks him dead in the eyes

and I says to him I says, "Gracias, Señors.

Mights I's has anothers?" - Wicked.

Do you wanna know what, now that I think of it, almost the exact same thing

happened to me last time I was down San Salvador de Jujuy.

- I remember this ones. - Except this time,

it was brothers. Just walked right up to me

and just started tousling my hair.

7 feet and wide as they weres talls.

These dudes flip bacon tarpless.

These dudes don't give a fuck. - How'd yous handle that one?

I said, "Hey, hermanos,

you better straighten up and fly right."

The peoples oughtta know! You know.

You think you're going down having a nice relaxing vacay,

down in Sudamerica, you got another thing comin', boy!

Nuevo Casas Grandes.

- Vitorios de Conquistas. - Jauzerio de Norte.

Voltas Redondas.

Oh, he was 500lbs or I'm a Humboldt Penguin.

600lbs or I'm a Freshwater Eels.

1 metric ton or I'm a Common House Spider.

- Golly. - I says, "Hey, amigos ..."

- Compadre. - Paisanos.

- Chum. - Kick rocks.

Mind your P's and Q's.

Smoke 'em if you gots 'ems.

What the fuck do I want with a caravan

that's got no fuckin' wheels? - Oh! Wow.

Is that right? - No, McMurray.

For fuck sakes... - It's fucking fakes, McMurrays.

Well, how the fuck am I supposed to know that?

Way too much talkin'.

Where's Dary? - Quite contrary.

I didn't see him all day yesterday.

You ever think Huey Lewis

sounds a bit like Sammy Hagar?

- And where's Dan? - Right here.

There's a match made in heaven.

What?

Clear eyes, full brims, can't lose.

You've always had the Mennonite beard.

Now you've got the Mennonite hat.

Just needs the B.O.

That usually sets in after lunch.

- Check again. - Here's Dan in this very smart

chapeau while I'm still puttin' sunscreen on my ears like a sucker.

This guy's trendy, he's hip, he's happenin'.

Pretty sure to wear that hat you've gotta be able to run a four-minute mile.

You know, Dan, I'd pay you for some fashion tips,

but I know how you Mennonites like the honour system.

You already smell like summer sausage.

This was a gifts from Lovynas Dycks.

- Oh. - Careful calling that a gift.

- Hope you kept the receipt. - I'd call it a re-gift.

But fuck can they run.

You know, the more times I spends with her and her peoples,

the mores I see merits in that lifestyles.

You know, hard work, peace-making,

general service towards others.

Yeah, and fuckin' poopin' into a bucket in the yard.

Dressing for winter all summer sounds like a great time, Dan.

Nothin' like the prospect of shittin' into a hole

to make you wanna shake things up a bit, eh?

Black flies can't get to the backs of my ears

as easilys, neithers.

- Jimmy Dickens, how're ya now? - Good'n you?

- Not s'bad. - Pretty sure to wear that hat

you've gotta be able to throw a barn up on lunch break.

What brings you by?

Yous have always known me

as a mono-career man.

The auctioneering profession has been kind to me over the years.

The job is in my soul.

But is it in my heart?

The plot thickens for Jim Dickens.

What's in your heart, big fella?

- Country music. - Countrys musics?

Country and western music, yes.

- Is that right? - Now, my love for the Boogie...

- The Boot Scootin? - Yes, my love

of the Boot Scootin' Boogie is no secret in these parts.

But what I have kept a closely guarded secret,

is my lifelong desire to give it a run like Brooks and Dunn.

Get your fix like the Chicks?

I'm good and keen like Jason Aldean.

Verse to the chorus like Marens Morris.

No restrain like Shania Twain.

Do it for the thrill like Vince Gill or Faith Hill.

But see, I wanna be better than good like Carrie Underwood.

Then quit stallin', Morgan Wallen.

- Get tryin' Luke Bryan. - Seize the days like Ladys A's.

Y'all are so nice. Like Lee Bice.

You know, Huey Lewis is supposed to have the biggest horn in rock'n roll.

Oh, you know, Sammy's got a hammer too.

My plan is to jump in head first.

Write a song. Make a music video.

Put it on YouTube, see what happens.

That's what YouTube's for, cowboy.

Just throwin' shit on the wall and seein' what sticks.

Now, I know how much yous love country music.

- No. - Yous don't love country music?

- No. - But... you're farmers.

- Yup. - You wear plaid,

you shovel shit, you grow vegetables,

you live in the country. You quite literally exist

in the heart of the genre.

But you don't love country music.

Not even a bit? - Not one bits.

- Not one drill bit. - Not one bell pepper.

Yahtzee.

Well, do you wanna know what, I guess I...

I guess I do like it a wee bit.

- That'll do! - Yeah, a dab'll do ya.

- Everything in moderation. - Small doses is all rights.

I need all the help I can get.

And when a friend asks for help...

You help' em.

Thank you, friends.

Now come.

Let's join the others.

The others?

- Squirrelly Dan. - Stewrats.

Pretty sure to wear that hat

you have be able to pickle peas with ease.

Who amongst us is familiar with AI?

Artificial intelligence.

Correct. Roald and I were forced to use

artificial intelligence because...

You have no actual intelligence?

Because we possess limited

knowledge of country music, Sharon, Lois and Brim.

- Country and western. - How do you know what AI is?

That's what porno sites use to show you what you might like to jerk off to.

Through the use of AI found on the...

Dark Web. - ...Roald and I were able

to determine the two essential elements necessary

in constructing a hit country music song.

The two essential elements necessary in constructing

a hit country music song are as follows.

Number one: a unique hook.

Which must also be used as the title of the song.

- Thank Gods I'ms A Countrys Boys? - Dig deeper.

- 5 O'clock Somewheres? - Deeper.

Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy!

Giddy-up.

And that particular title teaches us a valuable lesson

in the process: just because it's unique,

doesn't mean it can't be dumb.

Dumb is almost preferable in a unique hook

for a hit country song. - Country and western!

We're looking for contagious dialogue here, people!

Quotables!

- She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy? - Dumber.

No Shirt, No Shoes, No Problem?

- Dumber. - I've got it.

Beer For My Horses.

Bingo!

Or an activity. Something that you all do,

something along the lines of, oh I don't know...

Fishin' In The Dark.

Darts? - I was gonna say that too.

It's mostly just smokin' darts.

But it needs to be more catchy,

more crafty, more clever.

Needs to be more... poetic.

How about... Smokin' Darts In the Rain?

- No, you can'ts do thats. - Because then your...

Because then your dart would go out.

Okay, so you're smokin' darts when it's dry.

Well, it'll have to be dry to smoke 'em.

Dry darts... blue sky darts...

- Best darts are whens it's warms. - Hot darts?

We're not tryin' to fuck darts, McMurray.

I'll try anything once.

Smokin' in the summer...

- Smokin' summer darts... - Smokin' in the sun...

Darts when it's sunny. It's...

Sun Darts.

Our hit single shall be christened...

Sun Darts!

It's perfect.

Katy. - What's number two?

What Dan takes into a bucket

behind the house by the looks of him.

The second essential necessary element in writing

a hit country song?

As much hick shit as possible.

- What? - The goal with number two

is to trigger the emotions or tug the heart strings of hicks.

And you do that by packing in

as much hick shit as humanly possible.

And at the top of that list should and shall be...

yer mama, and yer daddeh.

Hyper important to any hit country and western single:

yer mama, and yer daddeh.

What are you supposed to say about yer mama, and yer daddeh?

The meaning is irrelevant.

Of importance are the words: mama and daddeh.

So just... yer mama and yer daddeh?

Well, yer mama and yer daddeh...

My mama and my daddeh.

So it could be anybody's mama or could be anybody's daddeh?

Could be more than one mama and more than one daddeh.

If you've got multiple mamas and daddehs,

you're really rockin'.

Everyone loves a good story,

but this genre is impossibly forgiving

when it comes to logic in the message.

You've already got your unique hook...

Sun darts.

Now you need only insulate it

with as much hick shit as possible.

Like... - Trucks?

- Truck parts even. - Dirt roadins?

- Muddin! - Blue jeans!

Your favorite jean jacket.

Sunsets, steel toes, swimmin' holes!

And there you have it!

The formula!

What do we do now?

Roald and I will engross ourselves in manufacturing

the song using AI, algorithms and bots.

Then...

We shall reconvene to shoot the video.

Shoot the video.

Here's somethin', my first time jerkin off

was to Shania Twain's midriff in the video

for Any Man Of Mine.

Let's go, girls.

- Don't bother, bro. - Huh?

- She's a babe. - She's a mega babe.

- She's a 10ski. - She's a 12ski.

- But she's unavailable. - How do you know?

It's almost not worth repeating.

- What isn't? - What she said to us

when we took a run at her. - You took a run at her?

Of course we did, bro.

You miss a hundred of the shots you don't take.

- A hundred percent, buddy. - A hundred percent?

- Hundy p. - What did she say?

Well, we started with the standard...

- He's Reilly. - And he's Jonesy.

And we're from Letterkenny.

And then?

She said they look like a couple dads from Teen Mom.

Really?

Then she said they look like

if Dorito's made humans.

Then she asked me if I'd ever been told I look like Charly Hunnam.

And I said no. And then she said--

I said you didn't let me finish.

You look like Charly Hunnam's funhouse mirror reflection.

- Almost not worth repeating. - You look like Charlie Hunnam

if he was born in Chernobyl. - Last time we try to wheel you.

I've seen better wheels on a Dodge Neon at the dump.

Hey, are you that really funny guy

my brother was telling me about from the bar the other night?

- I don't think so. - I think you are.

Six feet tall, blue cover-alls, cute curly hair.

It's Daryl, right? - Yes.

- I'm Harley. - Oh, like Harley Davidson?

I was named after Topper Harley, actually.

You wanna come to a party?

While Dick Skin rehearses the number,

we shall tackle the video.

Through the use of polling. - Mmm, polling.

- Roald. - Stewart.

Roald and I were able to determine the two essential

elements necessary in constructing a hit country music video.

Remember when you said the first time you ever jerked off

was to Shania Twain's video for Any Man Of Mine?

- Yeah. - I'd have thought you'd said...

That Don't Impress Me Much?

No, I'd have thought that he'd said...

If You're Not In It For Love. - I'm Outta Here?

Yeah, If You're Not In It For Love, I'm Outta Here.

She was pretty sexy in the video for Man I Feel Like A Woman.

- Too many dudes in that one. - Funny you mention it.

Because the first time I ever jerked off

was to that Shania Twain video. - Roald.

I thought, isn't this funny?

Who'd have thought I'd be jerking off to a Shania Twain video?

Number one! Man stuff.

- What's man stuffs? - Come here, I'll show ya.

Well, basically, things that yous would do

every single day of your lives, but things Roald and I

may never do in the entirety of our existence... ces.

- Such as? - Fixin' your truck.

- Shootin' skeet. - Cookin' meat.

- Fishin'. - Arm wrasslin'.

Chuckin' the ol' pig skin around.

Just hawkin' a big loogie.

- Starting a fire. - Maybe putting a little

sunscreen on each others backs.

Swingin' an axe.

Take a nice dip in the lake after.

- Chugging a beer. - Maybe a shirtless

shoving match after. I don't know.

We're gonna shoot you guys

performing a plethora of man stuff.

An abundance of man stuff.

An overabundance of man stuff.

A super abundance!

But for now... just smokin' darts.

Just smokin' darts in this parts of the yards?

Right there, this part of the yard. In the sun.

Why would we come out to this part of the yard just to smoke some darts?

Wanna know what, I can remember actually smoking multiple darts

at the same time in this part of the yard.

- That's called poly-dartins. - Polly Dartin!

That was my drag name briefly.

I was workin' 6 to 9.

But wait. What's the number two thing?

What Dan takes into a bucket

behind a big Maple tree, by the look of him.

The second essential element necessary in constructing

a hit country music video. - Stewart.

Babes.

You ever been out here before?

I'm from Donegal.

Everyone there says if you're coming to Letterkenny,

this is the spot.

See anyone you know?

- No. - Daryl!

That stuffed shirt can suck cold shit through a wool sock!

He's been saying that all week.

I see you met my sister.

This is the dude who owes me a shot, right?

Can confirm. How'd you find him?

Who says good men are hard to find?

I got one for you, big chief.

You take your sister to the plowing match

and everyone tries to plow her!

Daryl.

I thought you said you didn't know anyone here?

- He's an acquaintance. - An acquaintance?

I'm hurt by that, Daryl.

There was a time you thought I was a good guy.

Thought you were a really good guy.

You thought I was a great guy.

But now you think I'm just a... what?

He said acquaintance.

You've walked right into the lion's den, Daryl.

Lion's Den? I thought it was called The Mansion?

It was.

Right before we started calling it The Palace.

For a short while there, we called it The Kingdom.

But now it's The Lion's Den.

Yous seem a bit on edge, gents.

Care to smoke a gate way? - Yeah, sort yourselves out.

- He ain't one of us. - One of who?

- Us. - Us or yous?

- Us and yous. - So we're us?

- You're yous. - And we're yous?

- We're yous. - Wait, what are yous?

- Us. - We're all us.

Except Daryl. - A hick.

- I'm a hick. - I'm a hick.

No, Daryl has a different name for us.

What is it you call us, Daryl?

Go on.

Tell your new pals what it is you hicks like to call us.

Degens.

Sure. Sure.

Yeah, I always thought I was a hick,

but I guess I could be a bit of a degen.

I'm a bit of a degen too.

You know what...

So is Daryl, he's a degen.

No, I'm not.

You're still in your barn clothes.

A hot-ass girl invites you out to a party.

- You mean, your sister? - And you didn't even think

to change out of your muddy rubbers?

That's shit on those rubbers.

Even more degen of him.

- But I don't mind. - Your hair's dirty.

Teeth are yellow. You got food down the front of your shirt

and even wiped your nose on your sleeve.

The smell of darts on you

is more overpowering than the manure stink.

Look around, good buddy.

You don't stand out. You fit in!

I think it's about time you start looking at yourself in the mirror.

Like, you always thought you were a hick, but...

...you're a degen.

Folks, you've always known me as a mono-career man.

The auctioneering profession has been kind to me over the years.

The job is in my soul.

But the amount of time I've spent denying what is truly in my heart...

Well, frankly, it sickens Jim Dickens.

This week, and throughout this journey,

I have truly learned that when a friend asks for help,

well, gosh darn, you help them.

Thank you to all of my friends.

- And AI. - Algorithms!

- Bots! - Them too.

Thank you.

Today, I give it a run like Brooks and Dunn.

Get your fix like the Chicks.

I'm good and keen like Jason Aldean.

Verse to the chorus like Marens Morris.

No restrain like Shania Twain.

Do it for the thrill like Vince Gill or Faith Hill.

But see, I wanna be better than good like Carrie Underwood.

Then quit stallin', Morgan Wallen.

Yeah, get tryin' Luke Bryan.

Seize the days like Ladys A's.

Y'all are so nice. Like Lee Bice.

So you don't think Huey Lewis

sounds a wee bit like Sammy Hagar?

Ladies and gentlemen, without further adieu...

We're talking about Sun Darts.

♪ Her daddy was a drifter ♪

♪ Her momma just wasn't right ♪

♪ Her brother said forgive her But her sister put up a fight ♪

♪ But when the moon goes down and the lights come up ♪

♪ It's a lonely one ♪

♪ If you need me I'll be smoking darts in the sun ♪

♪ Talkin' bout sun darts ♪

♪ Talkin' bout broken hearts ♪

♪ Talkin' bout teenage love and truck parts ♪

♪ Talkin' bout county fairs and golf-karts ♪

♪ Take me right back to the start Sun darts ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ Steel toe, country livin' Softball, Southern women ♪

♪ Dirt bike, hitch hike, big pike, fuckin' right ♪

♪ Muddin, pissin, huggin, kissin, freaky techno music dissin' ♪

♪ Just my high school sweetheart that I'm missin' ♪

♪ I might be too drunk to fire a gun ♪

♪ So if you need me I'll be smoking darts in the sun ♪

♪ Talkin' bout sun darts ♪

♪ Talkin' bout broken hearts ♪

♪ Talkin' bout teenage love and truck parts ♪

♪ Talkin' bout county fairs and golf-karts ♪

♪ Take me right back to the start ♪

♪ Sun darts ♪

♪ Talkin' bout sun darts ♪

♪ Yer mama and yer daddeh ♪

♪ I'm talkin' bout sun darts ♪

♪ Talkin' bout sun darts ♪

♪ Yer mama and yer daddeh ♪

♪ Talkin' bout sun darts ♪

♪ Yer mama and yer daddeh ♪

♪ Yeah I might be too drunk to fire a gun ♪

♪ So if you need me I'll be smoking darts in the sun ♪

♪ Out there with everyone ♪

♪ Talkin' bout sun darts ♪

♪ Talkin' bout broken hearts ♪

♪ Talkin' bout teenage love and truck parts ♪

♪ Talkin' bout county fairs and golf-karts ♪

♪ Take me right back to the start ♪

♪ Hell yeah sun darts ♪

♪ Talkin' bout broken hearts ♪

♪ Talkin' bout teenage love and truck parts ♪

♪ Talkin' bout county fairs and golf-karts ♪

♪ Take me right back to the start ♪

♪ Sun darts ♪

♪ Steel toe, country livin' Softball, Southern women ♪

♪ Dirt bike, hitch hike, big pike, fuckin' right ♪

♪ Muddin, pissin, huggin, kissin, freaky techno music dissin' ♪

♪ Just my high school sweetheart that I'm missin' ♪

♪ I might be too drunk to fire a gun ♪

♪ So if you need me I'll be smoking darts in the sun ♪

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