All language subtitles for Letterkenny.S11E05.Influenzas.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

Your pal came into some money
the other day...

Perhaps we ought to start
regulating your screen time,

- young lady.
- Homework.

- Focus on your studies.
- Kidding.

- Dating app.
- Whiles you're on the clocks?

I work all day
to make a buck.

Won't work all night
to find a fuck.

Any luck?

- Fuck boy.
- Mm-hm.

- Fuck boy.
- Can confirm.

- Fuck boy.
- You are correct.

I don't gots too much times
for that terms.

Fuck boy? Why not?

Well, when you add S's to
the ends of things

as I's tends to, that terms will
lands youse jails times.

Fuck boy is the term men deserve
for running with "tramp stamp."

I have plenty of times for
lowers backs tattoos.

Lots of dudes do.

Alexanders.

A bladder infection means
"urine" trouble.

- Yes!
- What's the frequency, Kenneth?

- Just won 10 bucks.
- Oh!

Straights to Boardwalks with you
theres, Uncles Pennies Bags.

Don't spend it
all in one place.

- Hey there, high roller.
- You sound like you're envious.

You sound like you're
a fuck boy.

- 10 whole bucks, eh?
- Yes, 10 whole bucks.

That is my exact
hourly wage.

Well, better than a kick in
the pants, Alexander.

You're telling me.
Welcome to easy street!

- Okay.
- The land of milk and honey.

- I... I get it.
- Choo-choo!

- All aboard the gravy train!
- Just leave it.

The lap of luxury,
the primrose path.

- A place in the sun.
- Go ahead, Alexander!

Have a good laugh about it,
but I just made as much

sitting on my butt as you do
in an hour scrubbing toilets.

- You think I'm joking?
- Uh...

No, I wasn't trying to be
a dick about it,

I just thought you were
making fun of me.

You've already let it change
you, the almighty dollar.

Look at old Dary now, eh?
He's a fat cat, a tycoon.

I didn't mean it, Alexander.

So, what now, Sir Rupert Warren
Chadwick, huh?

High tea
at Chateau Frontenac

with the New England
Montgomerys?

- I said I didn't mean it.
- Well, what's next,

Dr. Ronan Rhys
Rothschild, huh?

Croquet on
the palace lawn

with Lady Charlotte Imogen
Alderidge?

This is just going
on too far.

Let me pull up your car for you,
Baron Phineas Hawthorne.

Have you selected the Bentley
or the Rolls

for this afternoon's social?

- Ooo-kay.
- Look who it is.

As I live
and breathe...

it's the Duke
of Dickbagshire, huh?

Will the Duchess be joining you
this evening, huh,

or is she still summering
in the Cotswolds

with the Cuntington Beach
Vanderbilts?

How do you like
that now?

Give my regards to Lady Scarlett
Stella Rosencrantz,

you high-falutin'
duck fart.

Well, fuckin'...

money changes everything.

You know what I always
kinda wanted?

- A koalas?
- A Mustang?

- Bangs.
- Docs.

- Doc Martens?
- No, Doc Hollidays.

Well they ain't giving
those away.

Money doesn't grow
on trees.

Hellooo?

Knock-knock.

Wayne.

Katy.

Ugh.

Squirrelly Dan.

Just Daniels,
there, Peter.

Darnell.

I've come to apologize.
Make a truce.

Isn't he an "end of the laneway,
don't come up the property?"

What the fuck's
happened to you?

I think it all started when meth
ripped through town in '05.

Yeah, we lost a lot of good
people there.

- Lost a lot of good teeths.
- Like, you're out sending

naked pictures of your sweetie
around town.

"Sweetie"
is ambitious.

You're hanging out with dudes
like Tibadoo, who abandon dogs.

Yeah, you gotta tell Tibadoo
not to give dogs human names.

And now you're out buying drugs
from that new Jewish skid.

And that's just in the last few
calendars weeks.

Are you still honking and
hollering at girls?

Old habits die hard.

Well, so what
do you think, JP?

Is this rock bottom?

- Not if you bottoms for rock.
- Hey-oh.

Well, there was a period there
where I was hanging out

with the Ginger
and Boots so...

You guys remember that talk
about the third guy

- holding down the ostrich?
- Allegedlys.

You used to be, like,
a pretty good guy.

- He was a real good guy.
- He was a great guys.

But now, like...
you're a degen.

I fell in with
the wrong crowd.

You're going pretty easy
on a pair of ostrich fuckers

with "wrong crowds",
there, buds.

Well, I'm done with them.
I'm turning over a new leaf.

Youse are my friends and...

when a friend asks for help,
you help them.

You looking for work?

- Dary?
- I got too many hands as it is.

- Dan?
- We're pinching pennies

- with winters comings up.
- Wayne?

Well, if something comes
along...

I'll phone you up.

Thank you.

What a degen.

You know what, he's like a dog
with his head out the window

of a moving car
in all this.

Like, it's a lot of fun
but it's pretty dangerous

and the only way to stop him is
to roll up the window

on his fucking head.

Who are these nut sacks?

How are you now?

Oh, I see one.
Listen, hi!

- Hello.
- Yeah, listen, don't mind us.

I just love... you know,
all this.

- 'Kay.
- So listen,

if we are bugging you at all,
just let me know

and we'll scoot, 'okurr'?
- Okay.

Alright, newlyweds to be,

let's hold hands,
'cause we're in love,

and let's just forget what was
said at the previous location.

Okay, so when I say go,
I want you to start

slowly running
down the road,

okay, but you're looking back
at me, all right?

You're running
into your future.

Okay, go!

Good.

Oh, that's cute.

I'm really alone now.

That's nice. Yeah.
Really great...

Hey, hey, listen, yeah,

what's in the building
back there?

- All sorts of stuff.
- Like, dusty stuff

- and rusty stuff?
- Can confirm.

Okay, listen, I really don't
want to bug you,

but can I shoot back there?

- Ooh, I don't think so.
- Okay, for 50 bucks?

Doc o'clock, boys.

Yeah, let me show you.

Gracias.

Oh, what is this hotbed
of bohemia?

We call it
the murder barn.

Can I call it
the murder barn?

- Listen...
- Okay.

It's utopia,
yet somehow dystopian.

Fruitopian dystopia.

- Hmm.
- Fallopian Europa.

- Do you know any sister wives?
- I...

Listen, dusty stuff, rusty
stuff, cobwebby corners...

Is that a pile of sawdust
with engine oil sprayed in it?

- No, I think that's blood.
- You just...

you can't get this kind of stuff
in the city.

Okay, firstly, listen.
Thank you. And I just...

it's just, this whole thing is
so antiquated and old-timey,

and secondly, I want to shoot
some other clients in here.

- Mmm, I don't think so.
- Another 50 bucks?

Doc o'clock.

- Congratulations, Mary-Anne.
- To you as well, Lucy-Anne.

Say, Betty-Anne's still
playing ball, eh?

- She'll be back.
- Well, congratulations,

- Mary-Anne.
- To you as well, Lucy-Anne.

We hold the keys to
the regional triple A squad.

- Call me Lindsey Ruff.
- Call me Mike Nocock.

No one I'd rather share
the wheel with.

- Except maybe Betty-Anne.
- Maybe Betty-Anne.

Well, driving is a serious
business.

- Life is a highway.
- Seat belts fastened?

- No.
- Check our blind spots?

- Never.
- Use the lane

- of least resistance?
- We use the luxury lane.

- Start your engines, Mary-Anne.
- Pedal to the rug, Lucy-Anne.

Hey.

Sami Jo Small?

That's two-time Olympic gold
medalist Sami Jo Small.

And one silver.

Tessa Bonhomme?

That's Olympic hockey gold
medalist Tessa Bonhomme.

No silver.

- You guys the coaches?
- We're the coaches.

- What have you won?
- Back-to-back-to-back ships.

- As players?
- Back-to-back-to-back, baby.

As coaches?

We're kind of rookies.

- You're schmelts?
- First-time coaching girls.

- Schmelts.
- These are my cousints.

Rafaella, Donatella.

These are my cousints.
Leonarda, Michaelangela.

I want my cousints to be
the next two-time Olympic

- hockey gold medalists.
- And one silver.

I want my cousints to be
the next Olympic hockey

gold medalists. No silver.

Until we're confident you guys
can get the girls Olympic ready,

we're going to help.

MARY-ANNE/LUCY-ANNE:
You're going to coach with us?

No, no, no, no.
We've hired someone who has won.

- To teach you two how to win.
- Shannon Szabados?

- Natalie Spooner?
- No.

Sure, they've won
internationally,

but we wanted somebody that's
won locally.

Someone who's won...
locally?

No...

- Names.
- Donatella, Rafaella.

- Names.
- Leonarda, Michaelangela.

Cowabunga.

Get dressed.

I am buying.

50 bucks? Anyone looking for
a sugar mama?

- Thank you, Katy.
- Round of Puppers?

- Beggars can't be choosers.
- I'll take another one

of them cock-sucking gin and
tonics, Bonnaroo.

What has inspired

this humanitarian effort there
Katy-Kat?

a photographer came up
the laneway today

wanting to take photos
in the barn for a 50 note.

I said, "Any day of the week."
I'm trying to get Docs.

Don't you think Docs
kinda make you that guy?

Well, yeah, if they're,
like, purple.

What's so good about your barn,
that's what I always say.

Well, and I quote,
"Dusty stuff, rusty stuff,

"and cobwebby corners."

Sounds like every barn
I ever seen in my life.

- That's all I know.
- What kind of a nut sack

offers a 50 note for dusty
stuff, rusty stuff,

- and cobwebby corners?
- This nut sack.

"Flutter Me Shutters Lenzation
Sensations."

You guys will have to excuse me.
I've never seen that guy before.

And I wonder if he likes sex
with girls.

- Baby...
- Yeah.

We've got dusty stuff, rusty
stuff, and cobwebby corners.

A lot of the dusty stuff has
rusty stuff right on it, baby.

Mmm-mm. Let's poach this
son of a bitch.

Ah, Christ, Bonderosa!
Add another ounce to this

and it still wouldn't be
a gentleman's pour.

Take it, take it and go.

Okay, listen!
Arms around each other!

That's right,
you're in love.

Now, bride to be, bend your left
knee behind you

so your foot's in the air.

Yeah, perfect!

Now give each other little peck
kisses over and over.

Okay.

Now listen, bride to be,

take a little nap on his
shoulder there.

No, take a little nap
on his back.

Okay, just think like
you're Goldilocks

and his shoulder is the bed
that fits just right.

You're like an action figure
and a little dolly.

Hello?

Hi.

Oh. Why?

You found a better place
to shoot?

Yo, guess what?

- Chicken butt.
- Docs o'clocks?

The McMurray's poached my
fucking business.

Eh, pars for the course.

That photographer was supposed
to come back

with another couple and another
fifty bucks to shoot in the barn

but McMurray stole her.

- Did he really?
- Excuse me!

I don't want to bug you, but can
we shoot with your puppies?

All right, but they smell
like piss.

I can't imagine how you guys
feel having a man mentor you

on coaching women's hockey.

- We could just tell you.
- I can't imagine it feels good.

- It doesn't.
- That's why I'm glad it was me,

you know, and not somebody you
don't like.

- Or respect?
- Or respect.

- You got lucky.
- We feel blessed.

You guys know girls as well
as I do, right?

Like, if you don't keep them
focused, their minds just...

Pfft! Off! You know, it's like,
Backstreet Boys and pony tails

- and Tamagotchis.
- Hooo-boy.

I'm gonna let you in on a little
secret, you know,

to just keep them
on their toes.

Kick a garbage can?

No. With girls?

No, you can only launch
projectiles with men.

Why?

Because women are
the fairer sex.

Hooo-boy.

And because women are the fairer
sex, you have to--

- Wrap this up?
- Oh, hey, okay.

Lucy-Anne, looks like Mary-Anne
here doesn't care

about impressing two time
Olympic hockey gold medalist

Sami Jo Small.

And one silver!

Or Olympic hockey gold medalist
Tessa Bonhomme.

- No silver!
- Tessa, Sami!

Wait...
Hear him out.

Go.

- Bench 'em.
- Bench 'em?

Put 'em on the bench.

It's the first game of
the season.

That's when you gotta do it.

You gotta get them early.

You know, you gotta
let them know.

First little lady that doesn't
pick up her check

on the way back?
Benched. You know?

First little diva that doesn't
want to go hard to the net?

Benched. And you better believe
the first little lady

who doesn't get pucks deep...

- Bench 'em?
- Benched.

So if we're not happy with a
player's effort...

Park it.

If we don't like a player's
attitude...

- Have a seat.
- What if it's a bit of attitude

- after a bad bounce?
- Sit down.

And this applies to
the whole team?

Why do you think they make
the bench so big?

- What if it's the goalie?
- Call a time-out,

bench 'er for it.

You're sure this won't just
piss 'em off?

It's hockey.
You want 'em pissed off!

- Fine.
- Lovely.

Now, seeing as you two are
job shadowing me--

- You're mentoring us.
- I would like a small coffee,

three cream, six sugar.

And some fries
with gravy.

And guys?
Gravy on the side.

And a diet cola!

I hope what they say about
aspartame killing you is true.

Listen, the McMurrays,

they may have better dusty
stuff, rusty stuff,

and cobwebby corners,

but they don't have puppies, okurr?

I always knew Katy was
a tricky little dickens.

It's unethical,
that's what I always say.

I never pegged her as
a Docs gal,

but youse stole her business
first.

Oh, just 'cause we go and jump
off a bridge,

doesn't mean that's what she's
gotta do, does it?

Two wrongs don't make a right,
that's what I always say.

- Mmm-hm.
- Who are they, Gailer?

- Never seen 'em before.
- Influenzas.

- Huh?
- Influenzas!

- What?
- Influenzas!

They go place to place
taking photos of themselves.

Chk, chk! Post 'em on
the internet.

Influencers?

- Thought I heard influenzas.
- Same thing really.

They're all looking for
the murder barn.

What's that?

They wanna go take pictures of
themselves with the dusty stuff,

rusty stuff, cobwebby corners
and puppies.

So, I hear youse guys like
dusty stuff,

rusty stuff, and cobwebby
corners.

And as you can see, my wife,
Mrs. McMurray and I

have ample rusty stuff,
dusty stuff

and even cobwebby corners!

- Where's that fifty note?
- Where are the puppies?

- Cassie, right?
- I'm Cassie.

- I'm Tassie.
- You sure?

We ain't got no puppies.

We got goats.

- Dycks?
- Brethren!

T'what do we owe
the pleasure?

Do you want to know what?

Dary was just saying how much he
wanted summer sausage

and that got me thinking about
how much I love summer sausage,

so basically, we just come by to
see if we could buy

some summer sausage off youse.

I empathize with your cravings.
I gobbled sausage at lunch.

Now, mine wife. Too much of one
thing is ne'er a good thing.

You had a banger in your mouth
at breakfast as well.

I can't help it, Noah.

Be forewarned,
come supper time,

I'll be begging you
to pork me.

Summer sausage and pepperettes
are in the cooler

by the produce stand.

Keep them away
from the children though.

They do love their father's
sausage.

I trust you'll leave payment
in the Mason jar as usual?

Hmm? Honour system.

Can confirm.

While ye's are
in the cooler,

help thy selves
to a taffy cone once.

What the fuck
are youse doing?

A photographer from out
Stratford offered us $50

to simply do chores
in the background

while she has a photoshoot
with some newlyweds to be once.

You must consummate
the marriage!

Mine wife and I discussed it,
and we thought, well,

we'll be working anyway,
might as well make the money

that we can use to remedy our
children's hearing,

which, frankly,
has gotten quite poor.

Generation after
generation of inbreeding.

- Huh?
- Poo-er?

Photographers from out
Stratford way keep coming,

one after the other.

I'm hoping it will
relent soon.

But for now, best to get
a handle on these hoes.

Listen.

I'm just gonna scooch in real
close and I want you

to blow the bubbles
directly into the camera.

Okurr!

Oh, mine husband.

It's been far too long
since you blew in my face.

Fuck's sake.

I can't compete
with Mennonites.

I've got dusty, I've got rusty,
I've got puppies.

I even got fucking goats.

I was told influenzas think that
McMurray's goats

are a bit too squirrelly.

What the hell is wrong
with that?

That's why
I'm advertising goats

that were less squirrelly
than McMurray's.

How's that for you?

Influenzas say they're not
squirrelly enough.

Hello?

What?
Fuck off.

You know what, you do that,
McMurray.

- Guess what?
- What?

McMurray says Dick-skin's
throwing his hat in the ring.

He says that he's advertising
goats with temperaments

somewhere in the middle of
mine and McMurray's.

Is he really?

He's calling it Honey Bunches
Of Goats.

- What did McMurray call his?
- Show Goatin'.

And then what did
you call yours?

Murder barn, so,
Murder She Goat.

Right on.

Dick-skin is playing
for keeps.

Yeah, McMurray says he's done
fooling around.

He's pulling out all the stops
in order to corner the market.

Is he really.

What youse gonna do,
Miss Katys?

Compete.

- How?
- I just have to figure out

what influenzas love and start
advertising that!

- Fuck! I'm gonna need some help.
- You wanna know what?

- Maybe you give Jivin' a call.
- Really?

He used to be a pretty
good guy.

- He was a real good guy.
- He was a great guy.

And you wanna know what,

everybody deserves
a second chance.

When a friend asks for help,
you help 'em.

♪ Ah, here we go now ♪

♪ We got something new
all for you ♪

♪ Now shake,
your legs will break ♪

♪ Roll around in the mud,
there'll be no blood ♪

♪ So get off your ass,
and give me that sass ♪

♪ And it goes like this ♪

♪ One (one) ♪

♪ Two (two) ♪

♪ Three (three) ♪

♪ Four (four) ♪

♪ Stop,
everybody Sexareeno! ♪

♪ Everybody Sexareeno! ♪

♪ Everybody Sexareeno! ♪

♪ Everybody Sexareeno! ♪

♪ And it goes like this ♪

♪ One (one) ♪

♪ Two (two) ♪

♪ Three (three) ♪

♪ Four (four) ♪

♪ Stop! ♪

All right, listen, now kick your
legs when you jump.

Yeah. Okay.

Again. Now more kicking.

Great, now kick them
differently this time.

Oh, yeah, that's fun.
Kinda out in front.

All right, now give me
a series of kicks.

Just all different--

Yeah, all different kinds
of kicks.

Listen, hey,
you're grimacing. All right.

So let's just lighten up
the mood a bit.

Stay loose. Okay.

All right, here's what we
are gonna do.

This is fun, okay?

I want you to act like you just
burst out laughing.

Hah! Okurr?

But actually
don't laugh, right?

Just hold your face like you are
about to burst out laughing.

Okay?

Oh, sorry.

Ooh. Hold on.

Flutter Me Shutters Lenzation
Sensations.

Formerly Flutter Me Shutters
Lensation Studios.

Formerly By Dove With Love
Portraiteria.

Listen, are you serious?

Listen, thank you
for the tip.

Okurr! Okurr.

Okay. Come on, let's go.
Let's get in the car!

We're gonna head to Donegal
right now.

Letterkenny's old news.

All right, the Ninja Turtlettes
are your star players,

right, so you target
them first.

You know, set an example for
the rest of the players.

I don't think we wanna rattle
our studs.

Do you want the world's most
fearsome fighting team?

- Yeah.
- Then you bench 'em.

All right? Let me show you.

- Donatellis.
- It's Donatella.

What did you have for your
pre-game meal?

- Let me guess, pizza?
- Spaghetti and meat balls.

- Perfect, Donna-T.
- Whole grain spaghetti?

- No.
- Oh, look!

You just filled your tummy with
empty carbs, you dummy.

Have a seat. You're benched.
Next up!

- Rafaellis.
- It's Rafaella.

Did you have
your pre-game nap?

- 29 minutes after lunch.
- 'Attagirl, Raf.

Badda girl, Raf!
Your body puts on weight

when you take in more
calories than you burn off.

By having a nap right after your
meal, you robbed your body

of the chance to burn calories,
causing fat.

What was your hero in a half
shell name again?

- It's Rafa--
- Benched!

- Leonidas.
- It's Leonarda.

What have you got,
pink tape on your stick?

- What's wrong with pink?
- Hey, Lucy-Anne,

do they use a pink puck in
women's hockey?

Or do they use a black puck
like in real people hockey?

It's like
real people hockey.

Yeah, a black puck on pink tape
shows the goalie everything

before your shot.

So you use black tape to make it
harder for her to see

where the puck is coming off
your stick.

Hey, Lucy-Anne, I got one more
question for you.

Hey who plays M in the Daniel
Craig James Bond movies?

Helen Mirren?

Dame Judy Bench!

Michaelangela?

Where is
my Michaelangela?

♪ Michael,
Micka-licka-angela ♪

♪ Micha-licka
angels in the outfield ♪

Meet Benedict
Cumber-Bench!

Micka-lickle-angels
in the outfield?

So good.
So, so good.

Too good.
Joke's over.

- What joke?
- Yeah.

I was unaware
there was a joke?

You actually thought we'd hire
this schmuck to mentor you two

when you got two-time Olympic
gold medalist Sami Jo Small

standing right here?

And one silver.

I mean, he's only won one ship.
Haven't you ladies gone--

Back-to-back-to-back, baby.

Like, come on.

We have Olympic hockey gold
medalist Tessa Bonhomme

- right here.
- No silver.

Thanks for playing along.
We really appreciate you.

- Was I playing along?
- Just little hazing is all.

- It's all good, you know?
- Yeah, thanks for coming out.

Uh, what was your name again?

- Congratulations, Mary-Anne.
- To you as well, Lucy-Anne.

We hold the keys to the regional
triple A squad.

Call me Lindsey Ruff.

Call me Mike No...
...cock.

No one I'd rather share
the wheel with.

- Except maybe Betty-Anne.
- Yeah, maybe Betty-Anne.

- Driving's a serious business.
- Life is a highway.

- Seatbelts fastened?
- No.

- Check our blind spots?
- Never.

Use the lane of least
resistance?

We use the luxury lane.

Then start your engines,
Mary-Anne!

Pedal to the rug,
Lucy-Anne!

What am I supposed
to do?

- Bench!
- Bench!

I'm buying.

Aww, what's Donegal have
that we don't have, anyway?

- A craft brewery.
- No...

- They got a gin distillery too.
- No...

Yeah, and that's not all.

They've got a bison farm,
a "general store",

and the kicker...

Mexican Mennonites.

- Those even exist?
- Can confirm.

- Exotic.
- Well, I won't miss them.

All they ever drank was
chamomile tea

and we give
that away, so...

All they ever talked about was
gummy vitamins and dry shampoo.

All while taking videos
of themselves.

Yeah I guess you gotta be kinda
self-absorbed for that racket.

- Eh?
- Yeah.

Like, who drives around from
place to place

taking photos
of themselves?

Pull your finger out
of your ass.

I said put your finger
up my ass.

- Get a real job.
- Bugger, though.

I came up just short
on a new pair of Docs.

So you really wanna
be that guy?

They ain't giving
those away.

Money don't grow on trees.
Not anymore.

Well, maybe one day.

Cheers to being done with
those donkeys.

- Hear, hear.
- Noah Dyck?

Gail, hello unto ye.

You know, I've never been one to
frequent your establishment.

- Not even once.
- What brings you by, Noah?

I came to alert ye all

that the makers of a
pornographic film

knocked on my door this day and
asked if myself and mine wife

would perform field chores in
the background of their film,

while in the foreground,
two actors fornicated.

I, of course, said
"No way, Jose."

So consider
yourselves warned.

There are some unsavoury
characters

lurking about the community.

But I banished them.
And their film! So...

You're welcome. Once.

Hey, Dyck!

What kinda car
are they driving!

What's his name?!

What's
the address of the email?

♪ You could surely try
to be more alive ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh,
oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ You could surely try
to be more alive ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪