All language subtitles for Letterkenny.S11E04.Nudes.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

You're hangin' a piss
with your pals the other day...

Sounds like a healthy streams
there, Darys.

I'm told Italians
have narrow urethras.

Then, from the sounds of it,
Dary ain'ts Italian.

Might could be just a wee bit
Italian by the sounds of it.

I thought only
girls have urethras?

No. You're thinksin'
of uteruses.

Uteri.

You know, I was told
the Swiss shit black

because of all
the chocolate they eat.

Only bad chocolate
makes you shits blacks,

not good Swiss chocolates.

Well, like, if it was imported
from another country, like...

Ireland.

- Scotlands.
- Wonkaland.

I think Alexander
might have a narrow urethra.

I was standing beside him,
having a piss,

and I had finished mine before
he'd even started his.

No. You're thinksin' of shy
bladders.

He just stood there,

pullin' on it
every few seconds.

I seen 'em bop it
off the urinal one time,

trying to get 'er goin'.

Guys with shy bladders
can only piss

if they're
in the rights environments.

Well, like,
warm or cold?

No. You're thinksin'
of climates.

So, he couldn't have a piss
right here with me?

He'd likelys prefers not to.

Peoples with shy bladders
can't piss at the urinals

if someone's
standing next to them.

It's like a stage
frights things.

Like a stand your ground
or run away type thing?

No. You're thinksin'
fights or flights.

Well, how do you rock
a piss?

Well, peoples
with shy bladders

gots to be awares of all the
available washrooms, likelys.

Like the CIA has to be aware

of all the available
exits for the president.

No. You're thinksin'
of the Secret Services.

'Kay.

But, you know, I imagines, if
you have a shy bladder,

your brains is kinds of
like the Secret Service

and your horn's kind of like
the President.

Potamus?

No. You're thinksin'
of POTUSes.

Isn't that something?

The Secret Service organizes
everythings for the POTUSes.

Yeah, POTUS doesn't have much
of a choice there, but, well,

he's the one who wanted to be
leader of the free world, so...

Imagine you work your
way up secret serving,

and then you get assigned a
detail to protect POTUS,

and then, all you're doing
is just clearing bathrooms

for him and his shy bladder.

Hey, check yourself.

Any detail those dudes get
assigned is a fuckin' honour.

- I think so's toos.
- Ask any one of them.

Yeah, they'd be happy with any
details you gives 'em.

I think I'd try to switch
details

- with another secret server.
- I don't think that's

how presidentials details works
theres, Darys.

Alright, riddle me this -
let's say you work your way

all the way up to
being a secret server,

what are you gonna
do then? Huh?

Gonna go to the POTUS,
say you don't like your detail?

That you want another
secret server's detail?

Don't be surprise they take away
your details altogether.

You'd be scrubbing
the ship's commodes.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Old boss is always a dick
till you meet the new one.

You'll be dreaming
of the old boss' dick.

Fuckin' leader
of the free world.

If I was a secret servers, I'd
be happy to help the POTUSes

in any ways he neededs.

So, he's not standing there,

boppin' his wiener off
the urinal like Alexander.

Why doesn't he just use
the handicap bathroom?

- Complete privacy.
- Oh, that's uncouth.

Yeah. I don't think the secret
servers would think

that's a very good looks for
the POTUSes.

Why doesn't the Secret Service
just clear the bathroom

entirely? That way, you don't
have to check

- if anybody's in there.
- Listen, I don't know about

youse, but that sounds an awful
lot to me like abuse of power.

The POTUS has gots to bes
for the peoples.

Well, what if the Secret Service
hired guys with shy bladders

to secretly serve?

So, they could empathize
with the POTUSes?

- Yeah.
- No chance in hell.

- Why not?
- Don't ask, don't tell.

You think the Secret Service
ever kicked a guy off the can,

so the president
could rock a piss?

Not unless he's trying to flush
a vote down the toilet.

Can you imagine if the
POTUSes had a shy bladders

and was Italians?

Talks about
doubles troubles.

Hoo-hoo! Hoo-hoo!

Well, fuck,
the Secret Service

would have their
hands full then, boy!

I'm told Italians
have narrow urethras.

Youse wanna see some
butt-fuckery?

Not particularly.

- No.
- Yes.

No, no, no.

Made its way back
to me twice already.

Two separate sources.

- Fuck a duck.
- Uh-huh.

What's
the frequency, Kenneth?

Nude o'clock.

Prove it.

Of Gail.

- Nope.
- Well, I'd still take a gander.

- Cool it.
- No James Van Der-peeking.

It ain't Dawson's crack.

I don't wanna wait
for our lives to be over.

Just show it to me.

Mind your scruples, Dary.

Does Gail know?

En route to her now.

Sending nudes has
becomes very populars

amongst the youngs
peoples these days.

Shouldn't take
pictures of yourself.

Sending nudes is one thing.
Get after it.

Yeah, let your
freak flag fly.

Leaking nudes is another.

Don't take pictures
of yourself at the gym.

I mean, show it to a pal
or two on your phone,

have a giggle, but don't
send it to a pal. Fuckin' nerds.

It ought to be
punishable by castration.

Straight up.

What? Like
a bilaterals orchidectomys?

I don't give a shit!

You should lose your
balls for leaking nudes.

And then,

a picture of your
nut-less ball sack

should be sent to everyone
you sent the nude to.

Hey, bud,
you ever see that video

of that dude who's
sittin' on stage

and crosses his leg
and crushes his nut?

Oh, what? This one?

Well, Katy,
boys will be boys and--

Exactly!
That is exactly what you are.

If you send a naked picture of
the girl you're having sex with

to your pals, you are a boy.

Well... how are we
gonna fuck this pig?

locate culprit.

delete evidence.
And three...

Yes, and three...

Vigilante justice.

That's the spirit,
big brother.

No. No, I think I...

Well, I think I just got
stung by a bee.

Ooh...

Ooh.
You feel that?

- What?
- Heat.

You don't think
it's a bit brisk today?

Heat. Cop nip.
All eyes on me.

We're in the centre of the ring,
just like a circus.

There's too much
heat on our names.

Fools out here
blowing up our spot.

Yeah, finna'
catch a body.

What you sayin',
shot caller?

What would fools do,
if we didn't deal anymore?

What would we do?

- Well, we would still deal.
- Oh, okay.

But under the guise
of a proxy.

And on top of taking
the heat off of our name,

he would be able to
inflate the prices,

charging fools
whatever premium suits us.

A proxy?

Can we call it
"Operation: Goldiprox?"

Proxic Relationship.

Smallprox?

Longprox On The Beach.

Safety Deposit Prox.

That would take
the heat off our names.

But who would help us
in such a matter?

Or any matter,
for that matter?

Bagels With Prox.

'Sup.

NM, NM. You?

We out here.

Cool. Cool, cool, cool.

- Sure you right.
- You know what it is?

Hype.

It's, uh,
Goldstein?

Yeah.
Billfold-stein,

legend of oldstein,
never paroled-stein,

never controlled-stein,
a story untoldstein.

We are...

Sir Patrick Stewart,
Gary Roaldman.

So, what you know about
extra-curricular activities?

I've been known to enrol
in the after school curriculum.

Lead guitar in a contraband?

Got a phernalia.

Shit, I even got
a pair-a-phernalia.

Stewart's making
drug references.

I just want to make sure
that that's what you're doing.

Roald up the rim to win,
you... can be sure.

Do you want some?

- Now?
- Yes.

- Yes.
- Free.

Free weed?

Watchu talkin' bout weed?

Khalifa,
the Goblin, the Dojo.

I meant free rips.

Rips? Whatchu talkin'
bout rips?

The lines, the linos,
the devil's dandruff.

No. That's--
That's not kosher.

Weed isn't even a drug.

Yes, it is.

When you're six.

You must have been
a troubled six-year-old.

It's not a drug, though.
It's weed.

Actually, it is very
commonly referred to as

the gateway drug.

Gateway to salt 'n' vinnies

and pocketing other
peoples' lighters.

What are you guys,
the joint task force?

We have
a business proposition!

- Word?
- Sure you right.

- You know what it is.
- Hype.

You will sell for us in order
to inflate the prices

and take the heat
off of our names.

- Why me?
- You're our chosen person.

Because I'm one
of the chosen people?

- Precisely.
- So, because I'm Jewish,

you think I'm business-minded
and money-minded?

- No!
- No, no, no.

- What?
- I-I...

- What?
- I don't see religion.

- No, 'cause I am.
- That's good for you.

That's really good for you.
Because that had nothing...

We didn't even talk about it--
That had nothing to do--

I didn't know
you were Jewish. Jewish?

Couldn't tell?

- Consider it a Mitzvah.
- A Mitzvah.

Mitzvah.
Mitzvah. Mitzvah.

I do this Mitzvah
in exchange for drugs?

Free drugs.

Ah. Win-win.

- Sure you right.
- You know what it is.

Hype.

Bonnie, how are ya now?

- Pissed 'n you?
- Not so bad.

- What are you lookin' at ther--
- Not now, Daryl.

What are you looking at?

The best way to remove
a man's balls from his body.

We're all over it, Bonno.

And now, so am I.

- Gailers here?
- Liquor run.

Where do you stand
in all of this, Bonnie?

Bro, you leak a pic,
you lose your dick.

Look, all I'm saying is that
maybe we should follow

the money around and
take a little look--

So, wheres dos we starts?

Youse don't.
We got this.

We'll be back
when it's sorted.

Well, should we get
hammered then?

I'd get hammered.

I's never tried
an Aperol Spritz.

So, where do we start?

Dealer's choice.

Well...

my brother's kind
of a piece of shit.

- Hey!
- How 'r you now?

- How 'r you now?
- Not s'bad.

'Kay.

- McMurrays...
- Rosie.

There's a leaked nude of my
cousint circulating around town

and we're looking
for who's behind it.

Oh. So, what are we talkin'
about here? Tits?

Beaver?
Li'l beaver cleaver?

One of them
over-the-shoulder shots

into the mirror with a
li'l bit of backside?

- Tits and beav?
- Ooh. Did you see her split?

Maybe one of those bent
over shots into the mirror

you just get a li'l
peek-a-boo of her split?

Yeah, a little
split sampler?

Little split sample platter?

Little split mingler?

Ew.

Well, who's got it?

Yeah. Let's have a li'l
peek-a-boo.

That's what I always say.

If it wasn't sent to you,
it wasn't meant for you!

Let's have a cock suckin'
gin and tonic, then.

- So you haven't seen it?
- Well, not yet,

but the suspense
is killing me!

Now, now, Baby, maybe don't get
your hopes up.

You know what they say:
the bigger the build-up,

the shittier the movie.

So you don't know
who leaked it?

No, but if I was youse,

I'd be looking directly
at Jimmy Dickskin.

What do you have
against Jim Dickens?

He's too tall,
that's all I know!

Too tall
to be trusted!

Don't believe a word he says.
It's all tall tales!

He was the last one to
crawl up that skin slide,

so don't youse stand here
waving your fingers at me.

- Jim Dickens is a good guy.
- With values.

He would never do
anything like that.

Even a broken clock
is right twice a day!

- Huh?
- Do the math!

Do you have anything
to say to that?

As it turns out,

I will not be joining you
for an afternoon hot tub.

Know anything
about this, Jim?

Miss Gail and I have had
a courtship in the past,

but if I ever circulated a naked
photo of a woman

who trusted me
with her body,

I would voluntarily permit that
woman to cut off my genitals

and then thank her
for the kindness!

There's some
good ones left.

- Yeah.
- You know what,

give me one good reason
why we ought to believe that,

you redwood-lookin' beanstalk,

cell phone tower-lookin'
sombitch?

He looks a bit
like Jeff Goldblum.

You want one good reason?
I'll give you one.

And after that,
I'll give you two.

And then after that, I'll give
you three good reasons...

Cool it!

Ladies,

the concept of eagerly
oversharing

an explicit
photograph resonates,

to me,
as childlike behaviour.

Yup. Boys.

There are two boys who come to
mind straight out the gate.

Yeah. I guess they should have
been our first stop.

Fuckin' bell tower, corn silo,
giraffe ass, space needle,

fuckin' sumbitch.

Yeah! Fuck you, Dickskin, you
fuckin' boreal forest sequoia.

Dickens!

Like Charles!

- Avi.
- Fruit Roald Up.

- Goldstein.
- Kristen Stewart.

Have you considered
our proposal?

I sell your drugs in
exchange for free drugs?

Weed. Free weed.

Yeah, the drug weed.

You mean the no longer
controlled substance weed?

The reason for immense
unnecessary incarceration weed.

Oh, you mean cannabis?
The dioecious flower?

If you mean cannabis,

the flower with psychoactive
effects, then yes!

Yeah, psychoactive effects, such
as minor feelings of euphoria

and intense desire
for dill picklers.

Ugh! You guys should
really watch Narcos Mexico.

- You can't even die from it!
- Quite the opposite, actually!

It can help you live.

My point exactly!
It's medicinal.

And recreational!

Perhaps we were
wrong about you!

- Perhaps you were!
- Allow me to mediate!

I'll allow it.

I'll allow it first.
Universal Roaldier...

Stewart, you have asked
Mr. Goldstein to sell drugs

for us at an elevated price
to take heat off our names.

And Mr. Goldstein,

you have been offered
free skunk bud indica

in exchange
for these services.

Now, the agreement
is all but signed.

What must transpire
between these two entities

in order to close this deal?

Avi, you have
the floor.

Thank you,
Advil Roald and Flu.

Now, Tylenol Cold
and Stew,

I will head
your sales team...

when you admit that weed is,
in fact, a drug.

But, Stewart, I mean,

don't you remember the...
the thrill

of hiding weed in
your locker at school

and knowing that,
if you got caught,

oh, you'd get in trouble?

Cha. Junior kindergarten
was a riot.

But I mean,
don't you remember

the excitement of
bringing it home

and hiding it
in your undie drawer,

so your mom
couldn't find it?

Well, my mom was hiding it
in her undie drawer...

unsuccessfully.

But don't you remember...

when Katy came to you for
the first time... for weed?

The excitement...

of when she asked you to
meet her after school

in that hedge with
the big hole in it?

Ooh, it was so secret.

And sexual.

Sure.

But do you remember...

what she called you?

Her first drug dealer.

Goldstein...

Winnie the Stew...

You will sell our rips

and, in exchange,
we will provide a free

and unlimited
supply of the...

...drug... marijuana.

Hype.
Two conditions.

weed up front.

Toda raba.

Done. Two?

I need your reassurance
that these drugs

have not been tampered with.

Tampered with?

Yeah. Cut up with
anything not advertised,

Roald To Perdition.

Our stuff
is safe to play with.

Rated "E" for everyone.

Then, yes.
We have a deal.

Wondrous!

You will post up
outside of the dollar store,

and we... will herd
customers your way.

That's what's up,
Hasidic Stew.

- Sure you right.
- You know what it is.

Hype.

- Alexanders.
- How 'r ya now?

Life is like toilet paper -

you're either on a roll
or taking crap off someone.

Where you headed, bud?

Gonna bop my wiener off
the urinals a couple times.

- Booty nude?
- Yeah.

I didn't even know
you could do it slo-mo.

- Sniper.
- Other snipe.

Wayne's sweetie.

Is there a naked photo of my
cousint on your phone?

- Who's your cousint.
- Gail.

Oh, yeah.
Sorry, boys.

Too many conkies.

- You've only had five.
- Yeah.

Most people wouldn't consider
that too many conkies.

Yeah. I might be
forgetting a conkies, bro.

Most people would agree that
is a side effect of conkies.

Anyhoo... I don't know.

You don't know?

I'm the conky tonk man.

You're trying to tell me

that you're not sure if you have
a naked photo of Gail -

the Gail - on your phone?

I've got so many naked photos
of broadskis on my phone,

I don't know where it
begins or where it ends.

Yeah. My camera roll include
recent nudes, favourite nudes,

portrait nudes,
slo-mo nudes, time lapse nudes,

and my recently deleted folder
is exclusively nudes.

It's tough to 86 a nude.

Yeah. Some you wish you
could axe immediately.

Yeah. I figured out how to
delete the calculator

and the heart monitor
app off my phone

to make more room
for incoming nudes.

But, you know,
even if we were sendeded it,

we wouldn't have sended it
to the boys.

That is like... bad.

Colour me pleasantly
surprised, boys.

I mean, we'd show it to
them, obviously,

twice if they asked.

We just wouldn't, you know,
sended it to them.

And there it is.

Perhaps the skids
could go on the dark web

and figure out who it was.

Worth a shot.

But if you do do that,

please don't tell them
about our stash of nudes

because dark web dudes have the
means to snatch those from us.

Yeah, and we'd get in trouble
with our billet parents.

Don't worry.

We won't sended-ed-ed them
that information.

Nert-nert!

♪ Ahh ♪
Goldstein.

- Campbell's Chunky Stew.
- Hi, Avi!

Roald to Avonlea. 'Sup.

- You know what it is.
- Ah, but in case you don't:

were you able to disperse our
rips in exchange for...

This Boba Fat stack?

- Whoa!
- Oh, wow!

How?

Rather not talk about it,
Rod Stewart.

Please?

Maybe for you,
Roald & the Beautiful.

You see, I devised
a plan of my own.

- That's not part of the plan.
- No, but check it out.

I sold to your regulars,
but for their regular price.

Fair is fair.

This plan of yours to
inflate the prices,

it just didn't add up
meth-amatically speaking.

And trust me, I know
a lot about math

because my dad
was an accountant,

and that's like third best job
you can get as a Jew.

- You're Jewish.
- Are you Jewish?

We didn't even know it.
But what are the first two jobs?

Doctor and lawyer are tied
for first,

and then member
of the Beastie Boys.

- Sure Shot.
- So What'cha Want?

What I did instead was I hit
up my cousint Shlomi.

He's the on campus dealer
at the Yeshiva in Toronto.

- What's a Yeshiva?
- Oh, it's like--

It's like the same as school,

but with a primary
focus on bible studies,

also less girls.

Okay.

Yeah.

Told him I had a handle
on some good shit,

named my price
and he bought it all.

Jews work together,
my goy.

L'Chaim.

I sense trickery.

Just... treatery.

How surreptitiously
clandestine of you.

Oh, bee-tee-dubs, one of
the guys you sent over -

really smelly dude,
kinda smelled like unused,

stacked cardboard boxes...

...yeah, showed me a nude of
Gail from the bar. Yeah.

Had a really dumb name,
something like...

'Jiggly Puff Pat'.
Something like that.

Anyways, you might want to give
your buddy a heads up

he's a proper degen.

Jivin' Pete.

Yes. He is
a proper degen.

We will be sure to pass
that information

on to the right people.

But, in the meantime,

to the bar for an alcohol
induced jubilation.

Drinks on me.

You guys go ahead.

I don't want to be
late for Shabbos dinner.

Bubbie's making brisket; I'm
about to fuck up with my mouth.

Ooh...

Goldstein...

it was a pleasure.

Roald, Milstew,
keep it tight.

- Shirt tuckers.
- Shirt tuckerettes.

There's something
going around town,

linked to my cousint Gail.
What do you know?

I know it wouldn't be the first
time something went around town

linked to your cousint Gail.

So that was true?

- Yeah.
- Speak!

Snitches get stitches.

Snitch or you'll need them.

Tighter.

It was Jivin' Pete!

Are youse coming in?

Need to offset the degen
population in here.

He's gotta be in there.

Gail's gotta know first.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, that's what I thought.

Gail, how 'r ya now?

- Good 'n you?
- Oh, I'm not s'bad.

- Cousint.
- Cousint.

Heard youse been
having my back around town.

Can confirm.

So you know
it was Jivin' Pete.

I sent it to him.

Did you...
fuck Jivin' Pete, Gailer?

No. I just sent
him a nude.

But I've fucked worse.

I once had it off with the four
day shift guys at Timmies

'cause they offered me
a real... Double-Double.

You know
what that is, Wayne?

- No.
- Anyways,

I was home with a cold 'cause
cough syrup makes me horny,

and I needed someone
to play carpenter with.

- What's that?
- It's a game.

How does ones plays
carpenters, Gails?

Only two rules.
we get hammered.

you nail me.

Gail, you need Jesus.

Good thinking.
Best carpenter there ever was.

So what happened?

Greasy degen was slipping and
sliding all up in my DMs,

so I sent him a little something
to wail on it to.

Cousint, aren't you mad
he went around town

showing it to everyone?

Mad? Fucker did all
my marketing for me.

Like an analog Tinder profile,
going off left and right,

showing me off to every
dangling dong in town.

My phone's burning up.

That nude...
is my business card.

You see it, Daryl?

No, and when
I tried to look at it--

Cool it.

I'll just piss
a little in his drink.

I'll do it for you.

Just gimme a few minutes
to bop it off the urinus.

Well, how you
wanna fuck this pig?

Sometimes you've gotta
kill 'em with kindness.

♪ I wanna go see
the country ♪

♪ I want
to get out of here ♪

♪ I'm sick of looking
at graffiti ♪

♪ On the walls of
the grey walls, the city ♪

♪ I want to drive
in the countryside ♪

♪ I want the breeze
in my hair ♪

♪ I am touching
your leg and... ♪

♪ I have my hand
in your hand ♪

♪ Take me to the beach,
take me to the country ♪

♪ Climb in the backseat,
if you love me ♪

♪ Hire me a car ♪

♪ I wanna go driving ♪

♪ Climb in the backseat,
that's where you'll find me ♪

♪ I see mosquitoes,
they buzz past ♪

♪ Your hand is in mine ♪

♪ I look out the window,
it looks stunning ♪

♪ To see the sun
is setting in the sky ♪

♪ Everyone is wavin'
out the window ♪

♪ It's like they're
excited we're here ♪

♪ I stopped by
the fish and chips shop ♪

♪ They act like mates,
it makes me cheer ♪

♪ Take me to the beach ♪

♪ Take me to the country ♪

♪ Climb in the backseat,
if you love me ♪

♪ Hire me a car ♪

♪ I wanna go driving ♪

♪ Climb in the backseat ♪

♪ That's where
you'll find me ♪

♪ I want you to love me ♪

♪ Do you love me? ♪