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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,924 --> 00:00:10,759 You were talkin' about motion pictures 2 00:00:10,759 --> 00:00:12,886 with your pals the other day... 3 00:00:12,886 --> 00:00:14,555 And this particular motion picture 4 00:00:14,555 --> 00:00:16,557 was stacked to the tits with that thing I hate. 5 00:00:16,557 --> 00:00:18,142 Well, that doesn't really narrows it downs. 6 00:00:18,142 --> 00:00:19,143 You know the thing. 7 00:00:19,143 --> 00:00:20,395 Oh, What? 8 00:00:20,395 --> 00:00:21,770 Like, there's a super intense dramatic scene 9 00:00:21,770 --> 00:00:24,065 and one actor is on the other side of the room, 10 00:00:24,065 --> 00:00:25,859 screaming their lines at the other actor, 11 00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:29,404 and then slowly and gradually, they get closer and closer, 12 00:00:29,404 --> 00:00:31,155 speaking more quietly and softly, 13 00:00:31,155 --> 00:00:32,824 up until they get about nose to nose, 14 00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:35,410 and then they deliver their last line ant it's almost a whisper? 15 00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:37,203 - Okay, I hate that. - Yeah. 16 00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:39,121 And then it's usually some kind of variation on... 17 00:00:40,164 --> 00:00:41,582 "Try me." 18 00:00:41,582 --> 00:00:42,624 Or something like... 19 00:00:42,624 --> 00:00:44,835 "Don't make me hurt you." 20 00:00:44,835 --> 00:00:46,837 Or, "This ends here." 21 00:00:46,837 --> 00:00:47,963 Yeah, no. 22 00:00:47,963 --> 00:00:49,256 Or how whenever there's a scene where, 23 00:00:49,256 --> 00:00:51,425 like, a gal kicks a dude's ass, magically, 24 00:00:51,425 --> 00:00:53,218 the dude just kind of appears out of nowhere 25 00:00:53,218 --> 00:00:54,262 and says something like... 26 00:00:54,262 --> 00:00:57,223 - "Hey... bitch." - Worst. 27 00:00:57,223 --> 00:00:59,184 And then, after the gal's done kickin' the dude's ass, 28 00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:00,434 the gal just shows up and swallows, 29 00:01:00,434 --> 00:01:02,352 says something all breathy, like... 30 00:01:04,813 --> 00:01:06,274 "Who's the bitch now?" 31 00:01:06,274 --> 00:01:07,484 Ugh. Sit down. 32 00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:09,360 Or how there's always some kid 33 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:10,694 who doesn't speak any English, 34 00:01:10,694 --> 00:01:12,446 trying to lead all the English-speaking people 35 00:01:12,446 --> 00:01:14,282 away from danger, but all he can say is, 36 00:01:14,282 --> 00:01:15,491 "Here! Here!" 37 00:01:15,491 --> 00:01:17,869 - "Here! Here!" - "Here! Here!" 38 00:01:17,869 --> 00:01:19,496 Enough! Yes, I hate all that, 39 00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:21,080 but there is nothing I hate more than-- 40 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:22,791 - Oh... - Oh... 41 00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:24,292 - Oh... - Yup. 42 00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:26,711 When every actor takes a sharp inhale before their line 43 00:01:26,711 --> 00:01:27,836 for dramatic effect. 44 00:01:27,836 --> 00:01:29,672 What's wrong with that, Katy? 45 00:01:29,672 --> 00:01:31,465 You saying you don't like that? 46 00:01:31,465 --> 00:01:32,759 Kinda feels like 47 00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,384 you're lobb-sing a grenade to the industrys there. 48 00:01:34,384 --> 00:01:35,637 Don't. 49 00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:37,471 Do you have any idea how often actors use this device 50 00:01:37,471 --> 00:01:38,806 for dramatic effect, Katy? 51 00:01:38,806 --> 00:01:40,934 And people don't even speak that way. 52 00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:42,976 Have you ever heard anyone breathe like that 53 00:01:42,976 --> 00:01:44,187 before they speaks ever in your lifes? 54 00:01:44,187 --> 00:01:45,271 Go aheads, I'll wait. 55 00:01:45,271 --> 00:01:47,357 Gettin' on my last nervski, boys. 56 00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:48,816 When's it gonna stop, Katy? 57 00:01:48,816 --> 00:01:50,818 What ever happened to less is more, Katy? 58 00:01:51,819 --> 00:01:53,487 Actors need to stop trying so darn hard, Katy. 59 00:01:53,487 --> 00:01:54,988 Not that I got it all my damn self. 60 00:01:54,988 --> 00:01:57,075 Yeah, not that I have it all my damn self, Katy. 61 00:01:57,075 --> 00:01:58,617 Just sayin', Katy. 62 00:01:58,617 --> 00:01:59,993 I completely understand 63 00:01:59,993 --> 00:02:00,994 why you hates that, Miss Katys. 64 00:02:00,994 --> 00:02:02,163 Fuck off! 65 00:02:02,163 --> 00:02:03,331 Fuckin'-- 66 00:02:05,332 --> 00:02:07,334 Ooh, took in too much air there. 67 00:02:07,334 --> 00:02:09,045 I hate the hiccups. 68 00:02:09,045 --> 00:02:10,254 Fuckin' scare me or something. 69 00:02:12,297 --> 00:02:13,842 - Ha! - You think that's scary? 70 00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:14,676 Boogety, boogety, boogety! 71 00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:16,177 Who the fuck are you? 72 00:02:19,054 --> 00:02:20,932 And you suppose that's what... 73 00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:24,935 thespians mean by sacrificing for your craft. 74 00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:46,082 Hello? 75 00:02:46,082 --> 00:02:47,416 It's Glen. 76 00:02:47,416 --> 00:02:49,209 He says we need to get down to the Church right away. 77 00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:52,546 It's Glen. 78 00:02:52,546 --> 00:02:54,590 He says we need to get down to the church right away. 79 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,552 It's Glen. 80 00:02:57,552 --> 00:03:00,220 He says we need to get down to the church right away. 81 00:03:07,352 --> 00:03:09,397 - It's Tanis. - 'Kay. 82 00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:12,316 Says "I knew youse wouldn't listen to Glen. 83 00:03:12,316 --> 00:03:15,736 Seriously. Church. Now." We should go. 84 00:03:15,736 --> 00:03:17,571 - You know I'm unavailable. - I should go. 85 00:03:17,571 --> 00:03:18,947 Right when I'm finally winning? 86 00:03:18,947 --> 00:03:20,325 I'll make it up to you. 87 00:03:20,325 --> 00:03:21,909 When's the last time you had boar chops? 88 00:03:21,909 --> 00:03:22,951 Ah! 89 00:03:24,119 --> 00:03:25,872 You can wait a couple hours right? 90 00:03:33,754 --> 00:03:36,465 At long last. Thank you for heeding my call. 91 00:03:36,465 --> 00:03:37,759 What's the rumpus, Glen? 92 00:03:37,759 --> 00:03:41,094 Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today-- 93 00:03:41,094 --> 00:03:43,431 Whoa! I will not be hoodwinked 94 00:03:43,431 --> 00:03:46,850 into attending a religious service, good sir. 95 00:03:46,850 --> 00:03:48,937 - That's what I said. - Spit it out, hot stuff. 96 00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:49,687 I'm getting to it! 97 00:03:49,687 --> 00:03:51,314 Maybe get to it a little faster. 98 00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:54,399 Okay. Wh-- fine. I gathered you all here today-- 99 00:03:54,399 --> 00:03:55,652 Not fast enough. 100 00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:57,153 because I wanted to thank you for participating 101 00:03:57,153 --> 00:03:59,279 in the bake sale to help me raise money for the youth group! 102 00:03:59,279 --> 00:04:00,697 Phew! Was that fast enough for you, Rosie?! 103 00:04:00,697 --> 00:04:02,282 Yeah, I guess we can use that. 104 00:04:02,282 --> 00:04:05,995 Katy, your muffins were divine. 105 00:04:05,995 --> 00:04:09,498 It's Uncle Eddie's recipe. Guess it still holds up. 106 00:04:09,498 --> 00:04:12,334 Rosie, your banana bread left me fit to be tied. 107 00:04:12,334 --> 00:04:14,962 You'd be surprised at how easy it is to make. 108 00:04:14,962 --> 00:04:16,005 Tanis! 109 00:04:16,005 --> 00:04:18,048 Don't yell at me, preacher. 110 00:04:18,048 --> 00:04:20,217 Your bannock blew my mind. 111 00:04:20,217 --> 00:04:23,428 I know my way around a salle à manger. 112 00:04:23,428 --> 00:04:24,972 She's cute. She means "cuisine". 113 00:04:24,972 --> 00:04:29,185 Gail! Your tarts worked their way into my hearts and my belly. 114 00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:30,310 Dick-skin helped. 115 00:04:30,310 --> 00:04:31,479 Coach! 116 00:04:31,479 --> 00:04:33,647 No one gave two poops about your fruit cake, 117 00:04:33,647 --> 00:04:35,315 which is no surprise at all. 118 00:04:35,315 --> 00:04:36,484 You don't like fruit cake? 119 00:04:36,484 --> 00:04:38,111 Oh, no. Me, personally, I love a fruit cake. 120 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:39,320 Oh, you do? 121 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,447 Anybody who knows me at all knows that about me. 122 00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:42,782 Barb loved fruit cake. 123 00:04:42,782 --> 00:04:45,575 Oh, can we not with Barb, please? 124 00:04:46,952 --> 00:04:49,330 Well, I was hesitant to contribute at all. 125 00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:50,539 Hm? 126 00:04:50,539 --> 00:04:54,334 I was hesitant to contribute at all. 127 00:04:54,334 --> 00:04:55,378 Huh? 128 00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:58,298 I was hesitant to contribute at all! 129 00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,882 - Pourquoi? - Because the Christian youth 130 00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:01,508 are... uh... 131 00:05:01,508 --> 00:05:04,262 dabbling in a little iffy business these days. 132 00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:05,805 - Like what? - You ever heard of soaking? 133 00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:08,181 - No. - It's when a dude... 134 00:05:08,181 --> 00:05:09,433 puts his dink in a gal... 135 00:05:10,517 --> 00:05:12,228 - Oh. - ...but doesn't move it. 136 00:05:12,228 --> 00:05:13,563 So, like, no thrusting or anything? 137 00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:15,356 - No. - But that's the good stuff. 138 00:05:15,356 --> 00:05:16,565 - Oh, my... - The dude... 139 00:05:16,565 --> 00:05:17,859 just puts his dink in... 140 00:05:17,859 --> 00:05:20,361 ...and stays still. 141 00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:22,238 It's a way for them to get around 142 00:05:22,238 --> 00:05:24,741 saving their virginity till marriage. 143 00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:26,116 Little troubleshooting there. 144 00:05:26,116 --> 00:05:28,536 So, they would say, we can't have sex, but we can... 145 00:05:28,536 --> 00:05:31,371 Soak. 146 00:05:31,371 --> 00:05:32,623 What is the point? 147 00:05:32,623 --> 00:05:34,500 Well, I guess it beats not doing anything at all. 148 00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:35,751 No, it doesn't. 149 00:05:35,751 --> 00:05:37,669 - All right, Glen... - Okay, okay. 150 00:05:37,669 --> 00:05:41,716 You are here because something horrible has happened. 151 00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:44,260 My best friend Tanis and I arrived at the church today 152 00:05:44,260 --> 00:05:46,846 at about, ehh, it was 10 a.m. 153 00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:48,263 Wait, what? 154 00:05:48,263 --> 00:05:49,556 Oh. We're besties now. 155 00:05:49,556 --> 00:05:51,099 'Cause remember, when I called you, 156 00:05:51,099 --> 00:05:52,310 you came right away to help me? 157 00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:53,560 And that's exactly the kind of thing 158 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:55,438 a bestie does for their bestie. Right, bestie? 159 00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:57,731 Yeah, 'cause you said there was a fire. 160 00:05:57,731 --> 00:06:00,068 Well, one little white lie never hurt nobody. 161 00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:02,445 And I was like, "Well, I didn't start it." 162 00:06:04,404 --> 00:06:06,407 We arrived here at around at 10 a.m., 163 00:06:06,407 --> 00:06:07,657 when I showed my bestie that the till 164 00:06:07,657 --> 00:06:10,952 that had all the earnings in it from the bake sale 165 00:06:10,952 --> 00:06:11,912 had gone missing! 166 00:06:11,912 --> 00:06:13,789 And so, I says to my bestie, I says, 167 00:06:13,789 --> 00:06:16,084 "We best check our purses 'cause we done got robbed." 168 00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:19,503 Now... all of you 169 00:06:19,503 --> 00:06:22,130 had access to the till, 170 00:06:22,130 --> 00:06:26,176 which means that one of you heartless monsters stole... 171 00:06:26,176 --> 00:06:28,096 from me - Glen - 172 00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:29,096 your friend or best friend, 173 00:06:29,096 --> 00:06:32,224 depending on whether or not your name is Tanis. 174 00:06:32,224 --> 00:06:34,685 So, let me remind youse... 175 00:06:38,272 --> 00:06:40,274 ...do not... 176 00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:43,527 steal... from me. 177 00:06:46,363 --> 00:06:48,491 Bravo. 178 00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:50,700 - I didn't. - And more importantly, 179 00:06:50,700 --> 00:06:53,621 do not stealeth from the Church! 180 00:06:53,621 --> 00:06:55,248 From the Lordeth shimself! 181 00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:58,000 And all his Idrises Elba 182 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,503 and from the Lordeth's youth group - 183 00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:02,630 The Burning Bush Club. 184 00:07:02,630 --> 00:07:05,133 It's me, Glen, your friend. 185 00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:07,135 Who hath stolen from me?! 186 00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:10,387 Confess and then repent. Who hath doneth it? 187 00:07:10,387 --> 00:07:11,972 Oh! 188 00:07:11,972 --> 00:07:15,017 How will I ever find out who hath robbed me? 189 00:07:15,017 --> 00:07:16,560 Lord, send me some help! 190 00:07:17,686 --> 00:07:20,522 Ding-dong. 191 00:07:20,522 --> 00:07:21,983 Here! Here! 192 00:07:24,068 --> 00:07:26,111 Here! Here! 193 00:07:30,907 --> 00:07:32,075 Good evening. 194 00:07:32,075 --> 00:07:33,411 It's afternoon. 195 00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:35,662 What are you doing here, under creature? 196 00:07:35,662 --> 00:07:39,625 I am the answer to your prayers, preacher man. 197 00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:40,625 Honestly... 198 00:07:40,625 --> 00:07:41,669 Roald! 199 00:07:41,669 --> 00:07:43,296 Oh, sorry Stewart. 200 00:07:45,964 --> 00:07:47,091 Where's boo? 201 00:07:47,091 --> 00:07:48,258 Who? 202 00:07:48,258 --> 00:07:49,719 - Wayne! - With Squirrely Dan. 203 00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:51,428 I ordered some Okoya furniture, 204 00:07:51,428 --> 00:07:52,930 got delivered today. 205 00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:55,183 You know how much they love that shit. 206 00:07:57,685 --> 00:08:01,688 Gentlemen. What a great day, eh? 207 00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,399 - Gots the times? - No. 208 00:08:04,399 --> 00:08:05,902 - Shockers. - Sorry? 209 00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:07,611 Well, you say be available 210 00:08:07,611 --> 00:08:10,238 between the hours of one and four in the afternoon 211 00:08:10,238 --> 00:08:11,407 to sign for delivery. 212 00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:13,159 So, what time's it now? 213 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:14,159 4:45. 214 00:08:14,159 --> 00:08:14,993 4:48! 215 00:08:14,993 --> 00:08:16,036 We just follow the schedule. 216 00:08:16,036 --> 00:08:18,122 Oh, all right. So, delivery's 75 bucks. 217 00:08:18,122 --> 00:08:19,248 The attitude extra, 'er? 218 00:08:19,248 --> 00:08:21,041 Katy said she was ordering some Swedish furniture. 219 00:08:21,041 --> 00:08:22,709 Didn't say anything about no fuckin' lips. 220 00:08:22,709 --> 00:08:23,878 How 'bout the lip on this one? 221 00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:25,629 Who knew Swedes were so fuckin' lippy. 222 00:08:25,629 --> 00:08:26,839 Did you have somewhere to be? 223 00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:28,382 I've had about enough of the lip! 224 00:08:28,382 --> 00:08:30,176 You Swedes may be good at fuckin' meatballs, 225 00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:33,762 but you got a lots to learn about fuckin' being on times. 226 00:08:33,762 --> 00:08:35,556 What's your name? 227 00:08:35,556 --> 00:08:37,016 - Jens. - What? 228 00:08:37,016 --> 00:08:38,267 Jens. 229 00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:39,435 What is there two of ya? 230 00:08:39,435 --> 00:08:41,811 That's gotta be the most Swedish fuckin' name I ever heard. 231 00:08:41,811 --> 00:08:42,812 I'm actually Dutch. 232 00:08:42,812 --> 00:08:44,315 Don't say that too louds around heres. 233 00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:45,775 - What's your name? - Gunner. 234 00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:46,984 - But what's your real name? - Gunner. 235 00:08:46,984 --> 00:08:48,402 Yeah, but what's your real name? 236 00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:49,737 - Gunner. - Fuck around. 237 00:08:49,737 --> 00:08:52,073 You're already lates. Don't get fuckin' smart. 238 00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:54,367 I'd be careful, a nickname like that just might stick. 239 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,451 Gettin' lipped off by a couple of fuckin' Swedes. 240 00:08:56,451 --> 00:08:57,661 I've had about enough of the lip. 241 00:08:57,661 --> 00:08:58,955 I can takes one looks at ya 242 00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:00,915 and I know why Katy's fuckin' ordered offa yas. 243 00:09:00,915 --> 00:09:03,792 Christ, I'm not sure the shirts get any tighter, 244 00:09:03,792 --> 00:09:06,586 but I'd bet the farm they fuckin' gave it a shot. 245 00:09:06,586 --> 00:09:09,757 We got one dresser and two bed side tables. 246 00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:11,926 - Where do want this assembled? - Right there. 247 00:09:11,926 --> 00:09:12,926 - What? - What?! 248 00:09:12,926 --> 00:09:14,177 What'd he say about the fuckin' lip? 249 00:09:14,177 --> 00:09:16,513 It's $75 for delivery, installation and assembly. 250 00:09:16,513 --> 00:09:17,974 Well, you already fucked up the delivery. 251 00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:19,432 You can sets it up right heres and, for frees, 252 00:09:19,432 --> 00:09:21,477 we'll let you know what kind of job you're fuckin' doin'. 253 00:09:21,477 --> 00:09:23,604 We can assemble it here, but let us know where to carry it. 254 00:09:23,604 --> 00:09:24,897 It'll take thirty seconds. 255 00:09:24,897 --> 00:09:26,857 Yeah, while you bounce it off 30 fuckin' walls. 256 00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:28,901 The customer's always right. 257 00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:30,652 Damn right. Pitter-patter. 258 00:09:30,652 --> 00:09:33,406 All right, youse go get sorted. 259 00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:34,949 Dan and I will finish our beers 260 00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:36,867 and we'll go over some safety tips. 261 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:43,081 Gasp! What are you doing here, Stewart?! Hi, Roald. 262 00:09:43,081 --> 00:09:44,624 Hi, Glen! Um, hi, everyone! 263 00:09:44,624 --> 00:09:47,335 Roald! 264 00:09:47,335 --> 00:09:48,546 Assembled fools... 265 00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:50,339 Don't! 266 00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:51,632 Don't what? 267 00:09:51,632 --> 00:09:53,718 Don't with the dramatic inhale. 268 00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:55,802 I am here... 269 00:09:55,802 --> 00:09:58,681 because I know... who did it. 270 00:09:58,681 --> 00:10:00,307 How could you possibly know anything, Stewart? 271 00:10:00,307 --> 00:10:02,560 You refused to participate in my bake sale! 272 00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:04,144 I offered my brownies. 273 00:10:04,144 --> 00:10:05,812 I don't care if it's legal, Stewart; 274 00:10:05,812 --> 00:10:07,522 you will not sell drugs in my church! 275 00:10:07,522 --> 00:10:08,940 Weed isn't even a drug. 276 00:10:08,940 --> 00:10:12,069 I know Dan's the de facto butt stuff fella in these parts-- 277 00:10:12,069 --> 00:10:14,405 Hey! I like a one in the two. 278 00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:16,239 I said "fella". 279 00:10:16,239 --> 00:10:18,783 But butt stuff's pretty popular with the Christian youth. 280 00:10:18,783 --> 00:10:21,203 - Shocker. - That too. 281 00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:23,038 Basically anything that doesn't involve 282 00:10:23,038 --> 00:10:25,833 penile/vaginal penetration. 283 00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:27,417 Another way to protect their virginities. 284 00:10:27,417 --> 00:10:28,418 Li'l life hack. 285 00:10:28,418 --> 00:10:30,253 So, they say we can't have vaginal intercourse, 286 00:10:30,253 --> 00:10:31,296 but we can-- 287 00:10:31,296 --> 00:10:32,757 Fire it up the pooper. 288 00:10:32,757 --> 00:10:35,884 - Really? - Dance like nobody's watchin'. 289 00:10:35,884 --> 00:10:37,386 To each his or her own. 290 00:10:37,386 --> 00:10:38,470 - Now and then. - All right! 291 00:10:38,470 --> 00:10:41,806 Enough with these sidebar conversations. Stewart! 292 00:10:41,806 --> 00:10:44,893 Explain yourself in front of God, his son Jesus, 293 00:10:44,893 --> 00:10:47,146 and all of his Idrises Elba! 294 00:10:50,398 --> 00:10:52,192 Fine! 295 00:10:53,652 --> 00:10:55,278 I grew up reading all the classics 296 00:10:55,278 --> 00:10:57,573 of Lord Agatha Christie. 297 00:10:57,573 --> 00:10:59,032 I don't think that's how that works. 298 00:10:59,032 --> 00:11:00,575 - It's not. - Confirmed. 299 00:11:00,575 --> 00:11:02,243 - Best friend. - And... 300 00:11:02,243 --> 00:11:05,915 ...I can sniff out a murder plot a mile away! 301 00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:09,042 Stewart the most sophisticated sense of smell. 302 00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:11,711 Got any snooters? 303 00:11:11,711 --> 00:11:12,838 No one was murdered. 304 00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:14,172 - Irregardless! - Ugh. 305 00:11:14,172 --> 00:11:18,259 Allow me to walk you through... a scenario. 306 00:11:18,259 --> 00:11:20,262 Gettin' close to boar chop o'clock. 307 00:11:20,262 --> 00:11:23,932 What brought all of these strange, 308 00:11:23,932 --> 00:11:27,936 disparate people gathered in this room together today? 309 00:11:27,936 --> 00:11:32,065 Why these people? And why... 310 00:11:32,065 --> 00:11:34,234 ...here? 311 00:11:34,234 --> 00:11:35,860 I asked them to help me with the bake sale 312 00:11:35,860 --> 00:11:37,070 'cause we're pals, and then some. 313 00:11:37,070 --> 00:11:39,532 Likely story. 314 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:40,615 That's a likely story. 315 00:11:40,615 --> 00:11:41,950 - Likely story. - That's a likely story! 316 00:11:41,950 --> 00:11:44,954 But what about this one? 317 00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:53,086 No one likes Glen and no one supports his church. 318 00:11:53,086 --> 00:11:55,881 Stewart, you know I can still hear you, right? 319 00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:57,550 I posit this! 320 00:11:57,550 --> 00:12:00,636 Because no one really wanted to help Glen or his God 321 00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:02,595 or any of his Idrises Elba, 322 00:12:02,595 --> 00:12:06,392 everyone pretended to put their profits in the till, 323 00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:10,354 but instead pocketed the money and kept it for themselves! 324 00:12:16,109 --> 00:12:17,695 There was no money to be stolen 325 00:12:17,695 --> 00:12:20,531 because everyone kept their own profits. 326 00:12:22,907 --> 00:12:23,993 Therefore... 327 00:12:26,619 --> 00:12:28,998 Roald! 328 00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:31,333 The murderer is... 329 00:12:31,333 --> 00:12:33,878 everyone! 330 00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:35,086 No one was murdered, Stewart. 331 00:12:35,086 --> 00:12:37,131 But wait, does that mean you all robbed me? 332 00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:38,674 Me and Him? Capital H. 333 00:12:38,674 --> 00:12:41,301 Isn't that just the plot of Murder on the Orient Express? 334 00:12:41,301 --> 00:12:43,304 Oh, love that book, and the movie. 335 00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:45,181 - Which one? - David Suchet all the way. 336 00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:48,642 I didn't hate the new one. What up, Michelle Pfeiffer? 337 00:12:48,642 --> 00:12:49,642 Yew! 338 00:12:49,642 --> 00:12:51,896 - She is a masterpiece. - Mmm-hmm. 339 00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:53,104 She can still get it. 340 00:12:53,104 --> 00:12:55,398 Any time she wants it. 341 00:12:55,398 --> 00:12:58,735 Any time. 342 00:12:58,735 --> 00:13:03,865 Any... time... she wants... it. 343 00:13:06,326 --> 00:13:09,662 So, What? You're telling me that you admit it? 344 00:13:09,662 --> 00:13:13,541 You all robbed me, all at the same time, all at once. 345 00:13:13,541 --> 00:13:15,795 - I got gang-banged?! - Of course not, Glen. 346 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,171 Oh my God, Tanis, I did not mean you. 347 00:13:17,171 --> 00:13:18,214 You would never do that to me. 348 00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:19,672 You're my best friend since forever. 349 00:13:19,672 --> 00:13:21,008 Enough! 350 00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:29,391 I did not say that's what happened! 351 00:13:29,391 --> 00:13:31,727 I posited... 352 00:13:31,727 --> 00:13:35,314 that that's how it could have happened! 353 00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:37,941 But it didn't. 354 00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:41,070 Allow me to walk you through... 355 00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,363 another scenario. 356 00:13:44,698 --> 00:13:46,533 Do you know what docking is? 357 00:13:46,533 --> 00:13:48,035 No. 358 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,705 Do youse have a stud finder? 359 00:13:52,705 --> 00:13:55,041 I don't believe that's any of your fuckin' business. 360 00:13:55,041 --> 00:13:57,168 Okoya suggests fastening the unit to the wall; 361 00:13:57,168 --> 00:13:58,378 helps prevent it from tipping. 362 00:13:58,378 --> 00:14:00,089 - Youse gots a stud finders? - Yeah. 363 00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:01,214 Well, fuckin' point it over here; 364 00:14:01,214 --> 00:14:02,258 I'll tell ya if it's working. 365 00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:03,591 Everybody's got a stud finder joke. 366 00:14:03,591 --> 00:14:05,927 I don't remember askin' how nots to tip stuffs. 367 00:14:05,927 --> 00:14:07,387 Did you want the stud finder or not? 368 00:14:07,387 --> 00:14:09,431 Well, fuckin' don't need one; already found 'em. 369 00:14:09,431 --> 00:14:11,016 You let us worries about that. 370 00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:13,227 Youse just worries about righty-tightys, leftys-looseys. 371 00:14:13,227 --> 00:14:14,728 You're getting some nice furniture here. 372 00:14:14,728 --> 00:14:15,771 I can see from here 373 00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:17,439 the hardware's stripped from screwing it in once. 374 00:14:17,439 --> 00:14:19,065 So, tells me again what we're gettings heres? 375 00:14:19,065 --> 00:14:21,109 Another Allen key in the fuckin' junk drawer. 376 00:14:21,109 --> 00:14:22,152 People seem to like it. 377 00:14:22,152 --> 00:14:23,570 Know what else people seemed to like? 378 00:14:23,570 --> 00:14:24,946 Boy bands. 379 00:14:24,946 --> 00:14:27,657 This silly Swedish furniture is like boy bands: 380 00:14:27,657 --> 00:14:29,075 it's hot for a second, sure, 381 00:14:29,075 --> 00:14:31,286 but it's only a matter of time before you're a joke. 382 00:14:31,286 --> 00:14:32,872 The screws get stripped pretty easily. 383 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:33,913 You could holds the thing together 384 00:14:33,913 --> 00:14:34,915 better with fuckin' flour. 385 00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:36,083 But it's good material otherwise. 386 00:14:36,083 --> 00:14:37,417 What is? 387 00:14:37,417 --> 00:14:39,085 This. 388 00:14:39,085 --> 00:14:41,213 Well, I could piss a hole in that. 389 00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:43,089 Hey, youse guys ever wonder what it would feel like 390 00:14:43,089 --> 00:14:44,508 to wear a shirt that fuckin' fits? 391 00:14:44,508 --> 00:14:47,176 - Tight pants kill sperms. - I don't want kids. 392 00:14:47,176 --> 00:14:49,012 Well, fuckin' bet they don't want you either, bud. 393 00:14:49,012 --> 00:14:50,472 We've got a couple of stud finders in the truck. 394 00:14:50,472 --> 00:14:52,181 - You can have this one. - All right. 395 00:14:52,181 --> 00:14:54,767 Well, don't point it over here; it'll fuckin' break right off. 396 00:14:54,767 --> 00:14:58,022 Hang on. Glen, 397 00:14:58,022 --> 00:14:59,397 what does the youth group need money for? 398 00:14:59,397 --> 00:15:01,734 - Katy! - I've been to youth group 399 00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:03,569 and all youse got is refreshments. 400 00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:05,070 No more than $20 dollars, 401 00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:07,406 more like $15 if you're cuttin' coupons. 402 00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:08,865 So, where does the rest of it go? 403 00:15:08,865 --> 00:15:09,907 Ask the Vatican. 404 00:15:09,907 --> 00:15:11,285 If a Girl Guide or a Boy Scout 405 00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:12,953 comes to the door selling cookies, 406 00:15:12,953 --> 00:15:14,120 I know where the money's going - 407 00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:15,288 sendin' kids camping and whatnot. 408 00:15:15,288 --> 00:15:17,458 Or if a GI Jehovah comes to the door, 409 00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:18,916 I know where the money's going - 410 00:15:18,916 --> 00:15:20,293 cancelling Christmas and whatnot. 411 00:15:20,293 --> 00:15:22,921 But youse don't go camping 412 00:15:22,921 --> 00:15:24,464 and youse love Christmas. 413 00:15:24,464 --> 00:15:27,133 So, I ask: what is the money for? 414 00:15:27,133 --> 00:15:30,304 Katy, have you seen the price of Freshie lately? 415 00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:31,805 Mm, they don't make that anymore. 416 00:15:31,805 --> 00:15:33,014 Exactly! 417 00:15:33,014 --> 00:15:34,432 You can get all the Freshie you want on the... 418 00:15:34,432 --> 00:15:36,602 BOTH Dark web. 419 00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:38,354 Coach! 420 00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:39,812 Hi, Stewart. 421 00:15:39,812 --> 00:15:43,316 You are an emotional basket case. 422 00:15:43,316 --> 00:15:45,152 Well, I was unware you felt this way. 423 00:15:45,152 --> 00:15:47,820 You have never recovered from the death of your wife. 424 00:15:47,820 --> 00:15:49,238 Barb? 425 00:15:49,238 --> 00:15:51,367 We all know her name, Coach. 426 00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:54,494 Though, come to think of it, I don't know yours. 427 00:15:54,494 --> 00:15:57,413 Irregardless! 428 00:15:58,498 --> 00:16:02,168 Coach, you're the angriest man we all know. 429 00:16:02,168 --> 00:16:04,629 And then, no one bought any of your fruitcake. 430 00:16:04,629 --> 00:16:07,508 That might be enough to push a man over the edge. 431 00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:11,469 That might be enough to drive a man to murder! 432 00:16:23,773 --> 00:16:25,234 Ugh. No one got-- 433 00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:30,698 No one got murdered, Stewart! 434 00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:32,199 I'm confused. 435 00:16:32,199 --> 00:16:34,200 Is this supposed to be another Agatha Christie book? 436 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:35,201 Of course it is. 437 00:16:35,201 --> 00:16:37,329 I don't recognize this plot at all. 438 00:16:37,329 --> 00:16:39,163 Is it Evil Under The Sun? 439 00:16:39,163 --> 00:16:40,916 - It's not The ABC Murders. - Ten Little Indians? 440 00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:42,166 She said it. 441 00:16:42,166 --> 00:16:44,128 It's Death on the Nile! 442 00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:45,671 - No, it isn't. - Yes it is! 443 00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:47,381 Death on the Nile is about the poor couple 444 00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:49,882 that kills the rich girl to take her money. 445 00:16:49,882 --> 00:16:51,718 Hastily simplified, but yes. 446 00:16:51,718 --> 00:16:53,762 Stewart, your Coach theory is nothing like Death on the Nile. 447 00:16:53,762 --> 00:16:57,433 It is a very close approximation. 448 00:16:57,433 --> 00:16:59,059 - It's not. - Can confirm. 449 00:16:59,059 --> 00:17:00,394 Coach! 450 00:17:01,227 --> 00:17:05,064 What... say... you? 451 00:17:05,064 --> 00:17:07,109 I didn't do that. 452 00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:08,569 What a defence! 453 00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:09,903 - What a defence! - What a defence! 454 00:17:09,903 --> 00:17:12,239 What a defence! What a defence! What a defence! 455 00:17:12,239 --> 00:17:14,574 I was actually quite happy no one bought the fruit cake 456 00:17:14,574 --> 00:17:16,452 because I found that in the pantry 457 00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:18,244 and I don't even know how long it's been there. 458 00:17:18,244 --> 00:17:20,747 - Coach... - No, guys, 459 00:17:20,747 --> 00:17:23,125 it's much darker than that. 460 00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:26,712 I, um... I guess... 461 00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:29,881 a few months ago, I started hittin' the bottle pretty hard-- 462 00:17:29,881 --> 00:17:31,007 Anyhoo! 463 00:17:31,007 --> 00:17:33,385 I don't think Coach did it, Stewart. 464 00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:36,512 I didn't say that Coach did it, Rosie. 465 00:17:36,512 --> 00:17:38,682 I said he might have done it. 466 00:17:38,682 --> 00:17:40,016 No, you said he did it. 467 00:17:40,016 --> 00:17:42,310 I posited! It was only a posit. 468 00:17:42,310 --> 00:17:46,022 And allow me to... posit... 469 00:17:46,022 --> 00:17:48,442 one... last... 470 00:17:49,859 --> 00:17:51,611 ...time. 471 00:17:51,611 --> 00:17:53,655 - All done, gentleman. - Gots the times? 472 00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:55,448 - Time to get a watch. - Don't get lippy. 473 00:17:55,448 --> 00:17:56,742 There's that fuckin' lips agains. 474 00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:58,785 - It's six o'clock. - Oh, he's learnin'. 475 00:17:58,785 --> 00:18:00,579 Sure you don't want us to take this up to the bedroom? 476 00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:02,246 Who said anything about a bedroom? 477 00:18:02,246 --> 00:18:03,456 Well, they're bedside tables. 478 00:18:03,456 --> 00:18:04,832 It's just a name, Jennifer. 479 00:18:04,832 --> 00:18:07,127 They could just as easily be ends tables. 480 00:18:07,127 --> 00:18:09,338 Could just as easily be a little table in the kitchen 481 00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:11,423 to put the telephone on, maybe a little notepad. 482 00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:13,050 Spend all day haulin' fuckin' boxes, 483 00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:14,467 you should learn to thinks outsides of one. 484 00:18:14,467 --> 00:18:15,968 So, you don't want us to take this inside? 485 00:18:15,968 --> 00:18:17,303 - Sorted. - Okay. 486 00:18:17,303 --> 00:18:19,848 All right, Dan, better fuckin' get it inside 487 00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:22,184 before the wind blows it over. 488 00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:28,732 Your tips. 489 00:18:28,732 --> 00:18:31,193 Hey, thanks. I didn't see this coming. 490 00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:32,778 - Want another one? - Sure. 491 00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:34,070 Be on time. 492 00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:44,247 Now, what are we gonna do with this piece of shit? 493 00:18:44,247 --> 00:18:45,749 Good Lord... 494 00:18:45,749 --> 00:18:46,791 Christ sake. 495 00:18:46,791 --> 00:18:49,168 This'll be the only time I offer you a screw. 496 00:18:49,168 --> 00:18:52,297 I'll take it, good buddy. Alley-oop. 497 00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:54,424 Clearly don't know anything about Agatha Christie! 498 00:18:57,845 --> 00:18:59,512 Fine! 499 00:19:00,429 --> 00:19:02,515 Allow for one last-- 500 00:19:02,515 --> 00:19:06,185 Last time I tell ya about the dramatic inhale, skid. 501 00:19:08,772 --> 00:19:10,566 Hey, bitch! 502 00:19:13,193 --> 00:19:16,946 Ooh. Ooh. 503 00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:24,913 Who's the bitch now? 504 00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:28,166 Bravo. 505 00:19:28,166 --> 00:19:30,252 I was getting hiccups anyway. 506 00:19:32,044 --> 00:19:36,966 Allow one last theory 507 00:19:36,966 --> 00:19:40,177 because this theory... 508 00:19:40,177 --> 00:19:43,098 is the truth. 509 00:19:49,103 --> 00:19:52,648 I was hurt - nay, offended - 510 00:19:52,648 --> 00:19:55,234 when Glen rejected my offer of baked-baked goods. 511 00:19:55,234 --> 00:19:56,820 Good one, Stewart. 512 00:19:56,820 --> 00:19:59,865 Roald! 513 00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:03,409 So, after everyone had packed up and left the church, 514 00:20:03,409 --> 00:20:06,830 I snuck back in and stole the money myself! 515 00:20:21,093 --> 00:20:24,055 But, Stewart... 516 00:20:24,055 --> 00:20:25,432 Yes, Roald? 517 00:20:25,432 --> 00:20:29,560 Why? Why would you do all of this? 518 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:32,231 To see if I could get away with it... 519 00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:36,068 and... I... did. 520 00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,444 Curtain! 521 00:20:37,444 --> 00:20:39,029 Curtain couldn't come soon enough. 522 00:20:39,029 --> 00:20:40,864 Wait just a minute. 523 00:20:40,864 --> 00:20:42,032 Curtain - 524 00:20:42,032 --> 00:20:45,118 that's the name of the last Hercule Poirot book, 525 00:20:45,118 --> 00:20:47,454 the one where the detective himself commits the murder 526 00:20:47,454 --> 00:20:49,289 and then kills himself at the end. 527 00:20:49,289 --> 00:20:50,624 - Exactly. - Ooh. 528 00:20:50,624 --> 00:20:52,376 Are you gonna kill yourself now, Stewart? 529 00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:55,462 More lookin' at Coach for that. 530 00:20:55,462 --> 00:20:57,964 Stewart, as a man of the cloth, 531 00:20:57,964 --> 00:20:59,715 I cannot condone suicide. 532 00:20:59,715 --> 00:21:02,343 However, I do recommend that you repent! 533 00:21:05,805 --> 00:21:08,099 Nah. 534 00:21:08,099 --> 00:21:09,475 Ugh. 535 00:21:11,144 --> 00:21:13,562 So, how much is in there, Glen? 536 00:21:13,562 --> 00:21:15,983 Well, if it's all here, and I certainly hope it is, 537 00:21:15,983 --> 00:21:19,986 then we will have collected just shy of... 538 00:21:19,986 --> 00:21:23,782 thirty dollars! And it's all here! Woo-hoo! 539 00:21:23,782 --> 00:21:27,159 We listened to Stewart talk for what felt like two fiscal weeks 540 00:21:27,159 --> 00:21:28,995 for thirty bucks? 541 00:21:28,995 --> 00:21:30,664 Just shy of thirty bucks! 542 00:21:31,915 --> 00:21:33,500 And... curtain. 543 00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:35,210 I'd have a beer. 544 00:21:35,210 --> 00:21:36,336 You're going so soon? 545 00:21:36,336 --> 00:21:37,670 I owe my hick a boar chop supper. 546 00:21:37,670 --> 00:21:39,630 - Ooh! Salt and pepper? - You got it, girl. 547 00:21:39,630 --> 00:21:40,840 Tell boo I said what's up. 548 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:41,675 You got it, girl. 549 00:21:41,675 --> 00:21:43,467 But-- but wait. 550 00:21:43,467 --> 00:21:45,012 We just reacquired all this money. 551 00:21:45,012 --> 00:21:47,848 And what on earth am I gonna do with it all? 552 00:21:47,848 --> 00:21:49,349 Ask the Vatican! 553 00:21:49,349 --> 00:21:51,225 You know, again, this is not a Catholic church. 554 00:21:51,225 --> 00:21:53,352 Okay, in the future, I would pay $50 555 00:21:53,352 --> 00:21:55,522 to not have to listen to Stewart speak. 556 00:21:55,522 --> 00:21:57,733 Oof. Amen to that. 557 00:21:57,733 --> 00:22:00,193 But... ba-doop-boop-boop, 558 00:22:00,193 --> 00:22:04,031 I just wanted to thank you for everything you did today, 559 00:22:04,031 --> 00:22:05,490 bestie. 560 00:22:06,532 --> 00:22:08,618 So, what's docking? 561 00:22:10,829 --> 00:22:11,996 We can't do it. 562 00:22:11,996 --> 00:22:13,290 Hmm. 563 00:22:13,290 --> 00:22:15,458 Wanna soak? 564 00:22:18,878 --> 00:22:20,213 Not in my pews. 565 00:22:27,721 --> 00:22:29,680 - How 'r' ya now? - Good, 'n you? 566 00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:32,016 You wanna know what, I'm just gonna come right out and say it: 567 00:22:32,016 --> 00:22:33,350 I'm half cut. 568 00:22:33,350 --> 00:22:36,312 - I'll catch up. - Good enough. 569 00:22:36,312 --> 00:22:38,647 What smells like boar chops? 570 00:22:38,647 --> 00:22:40,192 Oh, might be boar chops. 571 00:22:40,192 --> 00:22:41,359 - Might it? - Or it mightn't. 572 00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:43,360 I thought we established that I owe you one? 573 00:22:43,360 --> 00:22:45,321 Well, you like boar chops, right? 574 00:22:45,321 --> 00:22:46,239 Love boar chops. 575 00:22:46,239 --> 00:22:48,157 Well, I made you boar chops, Rosie. 576 00:22:50,659 --> 00:22:53,080 Guess I'll have to make up for it after. 577 00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:53,914 'Kay. 578 00:22:53,914 --> 00:22:56,249 You can wait a couple hours, right? 579 00:23:01,338 --> 00:23:04,424 ♪ Hide in your inner circle ♪ 580 00:23:04,424 --> 00:23:05,841 ♪ Strength ain't muscle ♪ 581 00:23:05,841 --> 00:23:08,345 ♪ Whatever makes it better ♪ 582 00:23:08,345 --> 00:23:10,012 ♪ Hold onto your pride ♪ 583 00:23:10,012 --> 00:23:13,516 ♪ In time, your faith will wither ♪ 584 00:23:13,516 --> 00:23:14,768 ♪ Fucked up and gone ♪ 585 00:23:14,768 --> 00:23:19,356 ♪ Hurt won't live forever ♪ 586 00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:28,490 ♪ Enya ♪ 587 00:23:29,657 --> 00:23:32,327 ♪ In your garden ♪ 588 00:23:32,327 --> 00:23:35,330 ♪ All of your angels gather ♪ 589 00:23:35,330 --> 00:23:39,376 ♪ Taking you into hiding ♪ 590 00:23:39,376 --> 00:23:42,462 ♪ Under their wings ♪ 591 00:23:44,004 --> 00:23:45,840 ♪ Enya ♪ 592 00:23:47,384 --> 00:23:49,677 ♪ In your saviour ♪ 593 00:23:49,677 --> 00:23:52,848 ♪ Can you find hope for future ♪ 594 00:23:52,848 --> 00:23:56,393 ♪ Where all fears and anger ♪ 595 00:23:56,393 --> 00:23:58,520 ♪ Won't cloud your... ♪ 42442

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