All language subtitles for Letterkenny.S11E01.Chips.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

You smelt Gap Dream at
the bar the other night

and that got you hard
as old sugar.

You sparked the BBQ with
the lid still down

and turned your niece's 8th
birthday into a scene

from the Hurt Locker.

Your friend's dad called

your sister's pet squirrel
a "bush shrimp".

You've come to the conclusion
that if she's got three

or more colours in her hair,
she's offended by everything.

Your pal chose the urinal
directly beside yours

which gotcha thinking about how
he always wants to cross

your arms and crack your back.

You wanna give your sweetie
the world

but all you can afford is
Edmonton.

And really you shoulda known

about your back crackin' pal
'cause like,

one time he wanted to do it when
it was just the two of ya.

You'd fuck a catcher's mitt
at the moment

is not the answer the dude
at the sex shop

was expecting when he asked ya
how you were doing.

Yeah say what you want about
CIS teens,

they'll build you a great
fuckin' chapel.

It's not entirely true to say
you got catfished,

but the girl did have
a forehead so big,

she could light a dart in
the shower.

Your dog ripped a fart
so thick,

you could hang an axe
in the air after.

You don't have a lady in
your life but you do have a pal

who blows on his food
to cool it down,

so tomato-tomahto.

Boy you sure catch a lot of heat
for your farmer's tan

but have yous never seen a
roofer's tan, like, holy fuck.

Your gal wants to start an
OnlyFans page,

but even Netflix is losing subs

and she can't compete with
Ozark.

Whole world's all if's and
but's at the moment.

But if if's and but's were
candy and nuts

you'd have nuts where your butts
were before.

Youse guys!

What?

Look at this.

- Christ in heaven.
- What?

- Look at this.
- Sweet Lord Almighty.

- What?
- Look at this.

Um...

Wee bit of trouble reading
then, eh, bud?

What's it say?!

Collect yourselves.

This could very easily spirals
into hysterics,

if we's don't practice
stoicisms.

What's it say.

Tell us what chip is the best
chip of all time!

And these guys will let you
design your own flavour of chip!

We alls knews this was coming.

Well, all the signs were there.

Wait!
What are the rules?

Yes.

Oh, wee bit of a hard time
readin' then, eh, bud?

Gimme, gimme, gimme!

"Only classic
Canadian flavours,

"consisting of two or less
ingredients shall be considered.

"Plain, salt & vinegar, BBQ,

sour cream & onion,
dill pickle... ketchup."

Better not forget those fuckin'
all-dressed chips.

Wayne, all-dressed consists of
more than two ingredients.

So nows, we're shaming chips for
being too dressed?

I'm used to shaming them for
not being dressed enough.

Stewart.

"All-Dressed chips
shall be excluded!"

Get outta here!

For obvious
reasons, Wayne.

Excluding the chip doesn't stop
it from being

the greatest
chip of all time, Dary.

Wayne, this is no time for
pride. It's bedlam out here.

No one loves chips
like small towns.

Not one other tribe,
nor person, nor posse.

Yeah. Offices have
their water coolers.

And small towns
have their chip bowls.

It's a place where friendships
are built

and good news is shared.

Those waters runs deeps.

Six generations strong.

The American Revolutionarys Wars
was in no smalls parts due

to Great Britain's calling chips
crisps.

What do you think our ancestors
snacked on

up the underground railroad?

Everybody knows, the War of 1812
was the north versus the south,

but what the people on
the front lines knew,

it was crinkle cut versus
classic cut.

Manifest destiny wasn't even
a thing until Yanks caught wind

of us fuckin' around with exotic
flavours up here.

Youse beens awful quiets
through all this, Waynes.

I'm so fired up
right now,

I've got sweat rollin' down
the small of my back

and into my ass crack.

It's emotional.

But someone's gotta stay focused
through the fuss.

Someone's gotta lead.

- I nominate Stewart!
- I nominate anyone else.

What are we
gonna do, Wayne?

Only thing we can do.

Have a fishbowl
discussion.

Come on now.

Pretty short shorts for someone
that calls himself a man.

You're paying a lot of attention
to my shorts

for someone who calls
himself straight.

Time to take a good look in
the mirror, bud.

That's exactly
what I thought.

What is this
sorcery, boys.

Look at this
hocus-pocus.

New program, boys.
We wanna look like porn stars.

We're gonna look
like porn stars.

- You already kinda do.
- You already kinda do.

Really though,
you already kinda do.

- You already kinda do.
- What are we even doing here?

Seriously though,
youse already kinda do.

Thank you, Glen.

Oh, that was confusing.
That was not a compliment.

Because you look like straight
male porn stars.

- Pardon?
- Well, you know,

like a Shane Diesel,
or a Sean Lawless.

Or Johnny Sins?

Jordi el Nino Polla or
Juan El Caballo Loco.

- Gizmo Osmond?
- Maybe even him.

Wait, I'm sorry, Glen,

but a porn star is a porn star
is a porn star.

Not when it comes

to the flawless male physique,
it t'ain't.

He's right.
Gays hold it down there.

Yeah.
We can't argue that.

Like a little Johnny Rapid?
A little Buck Richards?

Sure, like a little Pierce
Paris, or a little JJ Knight.

A little Max Arion?

A little Liam Cyber?

Yeah, a little Calvin Banks.

Li'l Beaux Banks.
Li'l Boomer Banks.

A little Max from
Corbin Fisher?

A little Dean
from Seancody?

A little Cocky Boys?

Yeah, a little
Guys In Sweatpants.

Li'l Helix.
Li'l Bel Ami.

Hey, Glen?

Oh, Hockey,
I forgot about you.

How do you know so much about
gay, male porn stars?

Pourquoi?

It's just that we know why Ron
and Dax know so much

about gay,
male porn stars.

'Cause we're homos?

Not sure that's PC
but you said.

Gay as the day is long.

All new levels of gay.

Straight up the ass.

But for you to know so much
about gay porn stars...

Gay-- Gay
male porn stars.

Yes, for you to know so much
about gay, male porn stars,

it would suggest...

Uh, that I've done my research?

Jonesy, I'm not sure if this is
your first time

throwing some weights around,
but in the fitness community,

we have something
called goals.

We also have a little thing
called fitspo.

So, what I like to do
is I set my goals,

I gather up my fitspo,
and then I go about

trying to achieve my goals.

Par example...

This... is my fitspo.
Okay?

So, my goal...

is the whole...

aesthetic.

Okay? My goal...

is to look...
like this.

Or maybe even
a little bit like this.

Or, if I'm lucky I get to and/or
look like this.

- Okay, Glen.
- We got it, buddy.

So, if everything's clear,

you guys can just skedaddle
on out of here

and I can get back to my goal
of looking like this!

O-kay.

We'll take it
from here, fellas.

How do we feel
about Austin Wilde?

Well, he's no
Christian Wilde.

No he is not.

Simmer down.

In order to arrive at
the conclusion

of what the best chip
ever is...

in an effort to be able to
design our own chip...

we will now begin a closed
fishbowl discussion

on the matter,

and let the chips fall
as they may.

Wayne.

You wanna know what,
here I go now.

I just want to start
by saying thanks to Gail

for acting
as today's moderator,

also, for assuming
the responsibility

of booking us the Ukrainian Hall
for today's event.

Thank you, Gail.

'Kay.

Rules for today's fishbowl
discussion are simple.

I'll introduce flavours of chip
one by one.

Peer discussion inside
the fishbowl will begin.

I, and only I, have the power to
move on to the next flavour

of chip.

In conclusion of today's
fishbowl discussion,

the best chip of all time will
be determined via vote

by show of hands.

We begin.

Plain.

I-- I submit:

that chip could be called
plain... or regular.

How would youse like it if
someone called youse regulars?

I would love that!

I mean, to be called regular ol'
Letterkenny folk--

Anyhoo!

I'm not trying to take anything
away from the chip.

- He's really not.
- I hopes not.

I would also offer, calling
the chip plain is misleading,

on account of the light drizzle
of salt adorning the chip.

Put that light drizzle of salt
up against

any other flavour of chip
for me real quick and,

I mean, I think we're good to
move this along.

There isn't one person here
who'd take the plain chip.

All I'll say.

I actually know
a few people who would

and I'm not going to name names,
but I ain't one of 'em.

I am.

Dary.

And I'll say this...

you can call it regular,

but I call it classic!

Let him speak!
Let the man speak!

It doesn't need
to go there.

It never
needs to go there.

Youse may want your chips all
dolled up and camera ready...

I just want a chip to sit on
the sofa with...

catch a flick...

shoot the breeze.

- But...
- But...

- But--
- But fuck it!

Yes.

Could be the first chip
I ever had.

And I'm not gonna
turn my back on it.

'Cause it's never turned
its back on me.

Waynes? Youse been awful quiets
through all this.

Dary, I know you go back a long
way back with the chip.

- So do you.
- So do I.

But I look over at you here,
and... like,

how soon we forget,
old friend,

all those sleepovers,
kindergarten through Grade 2,

you and me used to add a couple
things into a bag of plain chips

in an effort to... make our own
homemade chip.

Dary, why don't you tell
the group

what those
two things were.

Salt and vinegar.

What?

I'm gonna take
some air.

With the salt and vinegar
seed planted,

we will gracefully and with
composure segue

into salt and vinnies.

Damn good chip.

That chip won't be
pushed around.

Why do you think Doritos never
fucked with it?

Corn chips
have no place here!

- Still an underdog.
- Always beens an underdogs.

It's enough to give anyones
an attitudes.

It's a versatile chip.

Expand on
that please, Rosie.

Throw it in with some popcorn
or pretzels.

Pretzels,
pretzel sticks...

Peanut M&M's.

He's back.

It plays by the rules.

Doesn't try to steal
the spotlight.

It's a respectful chip.

Shall I just say
what everyone's thinking?

- Stewart.
- Roald.

If you're goings where I thinks
you're goings,

I suggests you holds
your tongue.

In fact,
I strongly suggests it.

Stewart. Proceed.

That chip is...
inconsistent.

You son of a bitch!

I have relied on that chips
my whole life.

Which chip, Dan?

You never know which one
you're getting!

And that's the problem.

You're pulling out one

that's maybe a little too salt
and vinegary.

Next thing you know,

you've got one that's not very
salt and vinegary at all.

Gails, I sense an edge of
confrontations

in the gentleman's tone.

One's got enough salt and
vinegar to prune your lips

for the better part
of 48 hours,

and the next one
may as well be...

- Don't you dare.
- ...regular.

- Prepare to meet your maker!
- Dan!

Why don't you take
some air.

I thinks
I will take some airs.

BBQ!

...The name itself.

Hey, Glen.

Hey, Glenski.

Bert, Ernie.

We just wanted to say, like, um,
sorry if we were kinda weird

earlier when you were able to
list the names

of so many gay,
male porn stars.

Yes and again when you had
a gay, male porno magazine

on your person.

You know, I don't know how what
a person has on their person

is any of your concern!

Exactly! Exactly.

What a person keeps
on their person

is none of anybody's business,
or what they do

in the privacy
of their own home.

Yes, I mean a person's
preferences

is none of
anybody's business.

So, you do yo, bro.

Do you mean to tell me,

that you've never been watching
a porn and said to yourself,

huh, my gourd,
that man or young adult

or young adult portraying an
adolescent

or actual adolescent
portraying a step-son

has an extraordinary
physique?

No.

All porn stars are pretty
shredded,

so they're pretty much
interchangeable

after a certain point.

I pretty much don't even notice
the dude anymore.

Exactly! I don't even notice
the girl!

Although, I'll take pause

to acknowledge
a nice wrench though.

Yes, if he has
a massive wrench,

you've gotta pause
for a stick tap.

Gentlemen,
we're on the same page,

we're speaking the same
language,

we're driving
the same direction.

So, what I'm saying is
the next time you're looking

for shredded dudes
for your fitspo, maybe think

about switching up your porn
searches a little wee bit.

It's good to mix
it up, boys.

- Great to mix it up.
- You gotta mix it up.

Well, let's mix it up.

What are we even
fuckin' doin' here?

What is wrong
with searching...

"massive cock drills tiny hole,"
huh? What's wrong with it.

Nothin', buddy!

Then what's wrong with
searching...

"two massive cocks drill
tiny hole," huh?

What's wrong with it?

Not a thing
in the world, bro.

Okay, well then,
what's wrong with

searching "two handsome,
muscular men with massive cocks

not touching each other or
anything,

but definitely
no girls," huh?

- What's wrong with it.
- Nah-- Nah-- Nothing

What's wrong with searching
"two handsome, muscular men

"with massive cocks goin'
all the way with each other

with no one else around," huh?
What's wrong with it?!

- Glen...
- Glen are you...

What?

Always on the lookout
for long-lasting,

relentless, repetitive,

high-intensity,

ads-free fitspo?!

You're GD right I am!

- Okay, Glen.
- Okay, Glen.

Working out gets me real...

real pumped up,
real aggressive.

I mean, what is wrong

with getting your prostate
checked a couple times a week

by someone who is
not a doctor, huh?

What's wrong with it?

Dill pickle.

Glad I came back for this one.

Good chip.

About time this thing started
heatin' up.

Dill pickle Pringles.
How 'bow 'dah?

How 'bout
that's not a chip.

Stewart?

It is a Pringle,
it's not a chip.

I think you're thinking "It's
not a chip, it's a cracker."

I think you're thinking "It's
not a cracker, it's a Crispers."

It's part chip, part cracker,
all snack.

He's right.

Pringles didn't have the same
advantages as other chip.

Pringles have more
advantages than other chip

for the packaging alone.

Tube of chips versus
bag of chips.

Sounds like Pringles might be in
your pocket.

Follow the moneys.

Pringles didn't have the same
advantages

as other chip
and still did just fine.

They did more than fine.

Pringles packaging brings a
whole new element to the chip.

No doubt.

Let's the chip show you a whole
different side of itself.

But Rosie, let me ask you,
might that be called privilege?

- It might.
- Oh?

Or it mightn't.

Well, might it
or mightn't it?

No one can argue it's a chip
that knows exactly who it is.

Pretty easy for a chip that's
had everything

handed to it its whole life.

But it doesn't carry itself that
way. That matters here!

Pringles just think
they're better than other chip,

what with being all un-cracked
and the same shape.

You could argue they're setting
an unrealistic standards

for chips everywhere.

The topic
is dill pickle.

You ever seen a family-sized
pack of Pringles?

No. 'Cause they don't get
the same opportunities

as other chip.
Never did.

They excluded themselves from
that conversation!

- Oh!
- Oh, but since you asked,

Rosie, oh, what do you think a
family-sized pack

of-- of Pringles looks like?

Three tubes stacked on top
of each other?

I was thinking three tubes
pressed side by side.

You've got two parents,
two to three kids

and maybe a dog
in the family sedan,

you really think there's any
room for those options.

Pringles are used to being
left behind.

I'll take some air.

Rosie...

The topic
is dill pickle.

Youse been awfully quiets
through all this, Waynes.

So have you, Katy-Kat.

...should say something?

I think you
should say something.

Think I'd like
you to say something.

I think you
should take it.

You sure?
- Take it.

Okay.

We've always been able to rely
on the family farm, you see.

A number of years back,
we had a rough patch...

agriculturally.

Difficult times.

Lot of 'uncertainteh'.

Katy had to get a job in town to
help us make ends meet.

And every night I'd drive into
town there,

pick her up 'cause...

well, that's the least
I could do.

Hell I'll admit it,
I was hurtin'.

I was hurtin' real bad.

It was a time when a lot of men
would lose themselves.

But what got me through it was
the pride of knowin'

that every night when she'd go
in town there for work,

she'd know exactly who was
comin' to pick her up

eight hours later.

That's me and bag a bag
of dill picklers.

Gonna take some air.

I'd take a wee bit
of air, too.

It's a good time... for all of
us to take some air.

- Glen.
- Glenski.

Hall, Oates.

We just wanted

to make this crystal
clear here, boys.

We weren't scrambling because
anybody's gay.

- We're gay.
- Gay as the day is long.

- All new levels of gay.
- Straight up the ass.

- Which is good.
- Which is great.

I mean, it's great,
whatever you're doing,

it's great.

It's all great.

So, even if you were...
gay...

Or are gay.

Were gay, are gay,
plan to be gay...

whatever it is...

- It's all good.
- It's all great.

I mean, it's great.

Whatever you're doing,
it's great.

W...we were just wondering...

Glen...

You know, we've been pals for
a long time.

And we were
just wondering...

We've been pals long enough
for-- you can tell us

if we're out of line too!
Like you-- just go for it!

Okay, but from one pal
to another,

are you...

I was.

You were?

I am.

You are?

And I plan to be!

...the most fitspired fella in
this whole fitness forum!

Who is with me?

It's none of our business, buddy.

Can't know everything, bro.

We're with you.

Oh! Good.

'Cause it's hard to stay
fitspired.

I need good fitspo.

- You betcha, buddy.
- We're here to help, bro.

Even if it means searching:
massive cock drills tiny hole?

- Sure, buddy.
- Even if it means searching:

two massive cocks
drill tiny hole?

- Whatever it takes, buddy.
- Even if it means searching:

two very handsome, muscular men
with massive cocks

who aren't touching each other,

but there's definitely
no girls around?

I can help
with that one, buddy.

Even if it means searching:
"two handsome, muscular men

with massive cocks just going
all the way with each other,

while the rest of their
fraternity brothers

cheer them on
and drink beer?

That's right
in my wheelhouse, buddy.

Oh! Good, good, good.
Good! Good!

Now...

which of you non-doctors feels
like giving me a prostate exam?

Sour cream and onion!

You mean sour cream and
untouchable?

Sour cream
and unacceptable.

Well, they're sour cream and
underappreciated.

Sour cream and undeserving.

Pfft. If you're sour cream
and unintelligent.

Katy!

That was sour cream
and unnecessary.

This whole things is getting
sour creams and uncomfortables.

Ketchup!

Good chip!

Gails, you gots to gets control
of the situation.

They're gone, Dan!
I've lost them!

- Wayne, help her!
- What?

This is the chip I've been
waiting for!

This is my moment!

Stewart!

Katy, get under
your chair!

What? Dary, you get under
the chair--

All is lost!

Did you say something?

I can't hear what
you're saying.

♪ When your love rains down,
just like diamonds all around ♪

♪ A strange
and changing sound ♪

♪ A transformation
in the ground ♪

♪ The great
and winding tree ♪

♪ Splits the Earth
from sea to sea ♪

♪ And my lover
comes to me ♪

♪ Bids me
follow endlessly ♪

♪ As she laughs and starts
to climb ♪

♪ Through the branches
and the binds ♪

♪ Through the tangle
of our minds, ♪

♪ For this tree, you see,
it grows, never ending... ♪

Why are youse all here
and not the bar?

All-Dressed.

That's the chip.
It is THE chip.

I mean, it really is
the best of the best.

I mean, what are we talking
about here?

It's a mix of barbecues,
ketchups,

sour creams & onions,
and salts & vinegars.

There's a little bit of all of
us in that chip.

It was right there in front of
us this whole time.

Couldn't see the forest
for the trees.

Nothing regular about it.

There's no dill pickle
in there.

Dill pickle will always have
a place in our hearts.

What is going
on here?

The rules
clearly state:

All- Dressed
shall be excluded.

For obvious reasons, Wayne.

Well, Dary...

excluding the chip
doesn't stop it

from being the greatest chip
of all time.

Got that right,
good buddy.

It's the Brets Harts of chips.
The best there is.

The best there was.
The best there ever wills bes.

This fishbowl discussion will
now be closed.

There will be no vote
via show of hands

as the conclusion for the best
chip of all time

has been drawn,

pursuit of designing our own
flavour of chip

will also conclude.

Yeah, but the chip we'd design,
it-- it'd be like,

a Caesar flavoured chip,

like a Bloody Mary
flavoured chip.

I think that that'd
be the winner.

You know, I think we'd
all agree on that.

Everyone knows it.

I mean, a chip that tastes like
Caesars? Slam dunk.

You can't lose.

All-Dressed though...

Got everything in a chip you
want right there.

Friendship.
Feels good.

Friend-chip?

Yo.

What the actual fuck
is going on here.

♪ When your sparkle evades
your soul ♪

♪ I'll be at your side
to console ♪

♪ When you're standing
on the window ledge ♪

♪ I'll talk you back,
back from the edge ♪

♪ I will turn,
I will turn your tide ♪

♪ Be your shepherd,
I swear I'll be your guide ♪

♪ When you're lost in the deep
and darkest place around ♪

♪ May my words walk you home
safe and sound ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh... ♪