Original subtitles

Your pal was doing some fundraising the other day.

Here we go now, Alexander.

Why can't you hear a dinosaur pee?

- Why? - 'Cause they're extinct.

- How are you now? - My brother and his sweetie

are getting married, they've asked me to be their best man.

Congratulations!

Means I'm also in charge of planning the buck and doe.

We're smack dab in the middle of buck and doe season.

Better get on renting the Ag Hall before she's all booked up.

- Ah, she's all booked up. - Try the Legion?

- She's all booked up. - Parkview Gardens?

- She's all booked up. - Could rent the arena floor

depending on how big the buck and doe is.

Ah, she'll be teensy.

My brother's always been a bit of a grump.

- And his sweetie's a twat. - Can't win 'em all.

- So what's the plan? - Well, listen here, buckaroo.

What we did is we booked out Diana Sweets for a steak dinner.

- Hey, lady Di! - You got 'er, Pontiac.

There'll also be a raffle draw and a silent auction.

- How much are the tickets? - $25 for the steak dinner.

$25 is a bit steep for a steak dinner, but I guess

you wants to supports the newlyweds.

You'll have your choice of pop, water, or tomato juice

- with the steak dinner. - No beer?

Alcohol's not included in the price of the steak dinner.

Beer, wine, and spirits may be purchased at the bar

if you're looking to bend an elbow.

Well, that's a grumpy twat move.

- Please tip the barmaid. - Comes with fries?

You'll have your choice of fries or mashed potatoes

with the steak dinner, as well as a seasonal vegetable.

- Green beans? - Think it'd be vegetable medley.

You'd think for 25 bucks,

you'd get some fucking coleslaws with that.

You show me a striploin with fries and green beans,

I'll say, "Hey, now that's a steak dinner."

You'd thinks it'd be a filets mignons for 25 bucks.

There's always a good portion of fries at Lady Di's.

Yeah, wash her down with a cold glass of water.

- Is there dessert? - You get a bowl

of strawberries and whipped cream with the steak dinner,

as strawberries are also in season.

It's just 'cause lots of people like ice cream

- with their strawberries. - Well, you're in luck, Chuck.

Diana Sweets carries Chapman's ice cream from out in Markdale.

Oh.

Which may be purchased at the bar for $1.50.

Jeez, you'd think it'd be Breyers from out in Simcoe's

- for a buck fifties. - I'd have the Chapman.

Yeah, but you'd think it'd be Breyers for a buck fifties.

What are yous raffling off?

Ah, you get one raffle ticket with the steak dinner,

and the lucky winner gets a weekend of camping

in Sauble Beach, and I'll wash your truck for you.

- Sauble Falls or White Sands? - Winding River.

Jeez, you'd think you'd get Sauble Falls for 25 bucks.

Is it possible to enter the raffle and attend

the silent auction without buying the steak dinner?

Ah, now I've been hearing some talk around town

that you've gotta buy the steak dinner in order

to join the raffle or attend the silent auction.

- That's a GD lie. - That's good,

'cause you should be ables to drives up the raffles

and the silent auctions without buying the steaks dinners.

Yes, but we'd love it if you joined the bride and groom

- for the steak dinner. - How're your numbers?

Remember I said he's a grump and she's a twat?

- Yeah. - The numbers reflect that.

- Can't win 'em all. - Numbers are piddly,

so please tell every Tom, Dick, and Harry you know.

Might be on account of a $25 fucking steak dinner.

Now if you buy a pair of steak dinners,

we'll knock five dollars off the second steak dinner.

Hey, now! Ho, now.

What if you get three steak dinners?

The price of the first and third steak dinner stays the same,

but you get five dollars off that middle guy.

All right, you buy the one steak dinner,

you get five dollars off the next steak dinner.

Now I'm not trying to bamboozle, just a bit of ballyhoo

to steer folks towards buying the pair of steak dinners

instead of just the one steak dinner.

- Strategies. - Incentives.

- Synergy. - Up-sales.

- Marketing. - Infrastructure.

So hey, who wants to join a grump and a twat

for a steak dinner, huh?

What do you want to do, one, two, or three?

- Um... just two. - Just two?

- Yeah. Okay. - We'll do two.

Yup, you'd have the pair of steak dinners.

♪ If I give you my time ♪ and give you my space ♪

♪ Know that that shit's not to waste, yo ♪

♪ Still better know your place, yo ♪

♪ I ain't slept good in days, yo ♪

♪ On job running up peso ♪

♪ We smoke too, why don't you say so? ♪

♪ I'm back on my bullshit ♪

♪ You ain't seen no one like me since ♪

♪ Lauryn Hill back in the '90s, bitch ♪

♪ Feeling myself, yeah I might be, bitch ♪

♪ Got an old soul and you know that ♪

♪ Bet the olders make way for the '90s kid ♪

♪ Please don't kill my high ♪

♪ I been work non-stop never tired, no ♪

♪ That girl is on fire, you know ♪

♪ Always stay bringing them vibes, you know ♪

♪ This is for the now ♪

♪ This is for the now ♪

♪ This is for the now, this is for the now ♪

♪ Feel the bass, man feel the bass, man ♪

♪ This is for the now

♪ If I give you my love and give you my truth ♪

♪ Know that that shit's just for you ♪

♪ Can't know what he be meddlin' through ♪

♪ I'm paid now and I got shit to lose ♪

♪ Look at where we are, who would've guessed, who knew ♪

♪ I did, that's for sure ♪

♪ I kicked down the doors, they trying not to let me in ♪

♪ Fuck that, I crashed the party ♪

♪ Fuck that, I am the party ♪

♪ Don't get me started ♪

♪ I am a one-woman army ♪

♪ I am the force that we speak of ♪

♪ What's a wave to a tsunami ♪

♪ True, my drip enormous ♪

♪ Your tap running out, talk about awkward, yeah ♪

♪ My thoughts hella distorted ♪

♪ But got my foresight, it was moving forward ♪

♪ This is for the now, this is for the now ♪

♪ Feel the bass, man feel the bass, man ♪

♪ This is for the now

♪ Born alone, die alone, that's how it go ♪

♪ I'm a parent in this thing, so I'm told ♪

♪ Sellin' bags of rocks and we never fold ♪

♪ On crud, you can hear it in my tone ♪

♪ Watch yourself, be cool, don't stress ♪

♪ Get back to you when I can, messages on read ♪

♪ Ain't new to this shit, I been blessed ♪

♪ No love, you can get the drama instead ♪

♪ Oi, you can get the drama instead ♪

♪ All this smoke to your head ♪

♪ You can get your whole career dead ♪

♪ Can't get my foot off your neck ♪

♪ Go get a bag and invest, let's add the interest ♪

♪ I'm fuckboy resistant ♪

♪ Looking like a bulletproof vest ♪

♪ This is for the now, this is for the now ♪

♪ This is for the now, This is for the now ♪

♪ Feel the bass, man, Feel the bass, man ♪

♪ This is for the now

♪ Rise up ♪

Look at you, you sousey fuck.

- Huh? - Takes one to know one.

That's the pots calling the kettles black.

- I know you are but what am I? - Where's Rosie?

She's still sleeping off yesterday.

She forgetting what day it is?

Sundays are for picking stones.

And getting a wee bit banged up throughout the day, apparently.

- I bought it, I saw it. - Roll up your sleeves, boys.

But first, "Wade," you forgot to open your Friday mail.

I open my Friday mail on Monday.

What if it's pressing?

Nothing that comes by mail is pressing, Dary.

- What if it's ice cream? - Wait. What did you says?

I said "Wade" forgot to open his Friday mail.

That's what I thought you saids.

And I said, "I open my Friday mail on Monday."

Well, must not care about the weekend coupons there, Wayne.

Must be nice.

Why don't you open your mail now, Wade?

- Wade? - Wade?

- Wade... a minute. - 'Sup?

- What'd you call me? - That's your name, isn't it?

Whoa-ho, Look! Katy's being a smarty-pants.

- She's being a smarts Alex. - She better smarten up.

That's who this letter is addressed to.

Oh. Looks like the Canadian Wildlife Federation

spelled my name wrong.

That's one way to get our annual donation.

Yeah, 'cause, like... my name's not Wade.

Maybe it is Wade.

Hey, fuck you, Gary.

Gary.

Everybody knows Gary over there.

Yep, there's old Gary,

just chiming in from the peanut gallery.

Oh, you're the biggest armchair quarterback there ever was,

- Sadie. - Sadie?

Oh, everybody knows Sadie's the biggest backseats drivers.

Sticks and stones, Squirrelly Don.

Don.

Yeah, where's Professor Tricia now, Don?

You wanna know what, I think we're kind of forgetting

that Sundays are for picking stones.

Yep, can't be all fun and games, eh, Wade?

- You wanna know what? - Oh, here comes Gary

with another one of his big ideas!

More hands makes for less works.

- Hey, I was gonna say that. - It sounds like Don

right there was mowing everybody's lawns.

You thinking what I'm thinking, Gary?

Great minds think alike, Sadie.

I'll get the truck and we'll round up some more hands.

Tough task getting people to help you pick stones.

Like, it's essentially asking someone to come by

and bend over for you.

- More hands make less work. - But wait!

When are you gonna get hammered?

I'll get hammered later.

There's old Sadie, always taking one for the team.

What do you think, Don?

I thinks they don't pays me to thinks, Sadies.

- Wade? - Well, like I always say,

where there's a will, there's a Wade.

- Pitter patter. - Let's get at 'er.

Chip and Pepper, taking five on your juvenile VidVok venture?

Taking five on wheeling your girls, buddy.

ABC. Always be wheeling your girls, buddy.

Slow clap for perfunctory effort, peasants.

But alas, I do believe your glory is fleeting.

You may have beat us in Chel, but the VidVok game is ours.

- Mm-hm. - And we beat you in FIFs.

- More like queefs. - And we'll beat you here too.

Butt VidVok may be on the rise.

But dance VidVok will always be the most popular.

- Oh yeah? - Yeah.

- Oh yeah? - Yeah!

And once our new friend teaches us everything she knows,

2cock Chakur will be the hottest dance collective on VidVok.

- Oh yeah? - Yeah.

- Oh yeah? - Yeah!

And once 2cock Chakur is the hottest dance collective

on VidVok, I'm going to wheel my girls back.

What do you mean, "Wheel them back?"

Wheel as in "steal."

You can't wheel them back, idiot.

- Wheel doesn't mean "steal." - No?

No, if you're wheeling 'em, it means you're...

taking 'em down.

Yeah, so like, right now, we're wheeling your girlfriend.

- Oh. - If you wanted to wheel them,

you would first have to...

- Thieve them. - Uh, he--

- You would have to theft them. - Thanks, man.

So you're saying I will have to steal them from you

and not wheel them from you?

- Yeah. - Oh.

Good. Good, good. I'm glad we cleared that up.

Because I am going to steal them.

Yeah?

And then I'm going to wheel them!

Well, you can dance if you want to.

You can leave you friends behind!

- Let's go, Jonesy. - If you need us,

we'll be hiking our shorts up into our butt cracks,

- making art! - Butt art!

As much as I would rather make art, not war,

load your fucking cannons!

How are you now?

Yard sale Sundays.

Not so bad.

Well, except it's Yard Sale Saturdays.

Sundays are for picking stones.

Not when Mrs. McMurray orders a closer summer/spring cleanup.

And Saturdays are for picking stones

and Sundays are for decorating.

That's Mrs. McMurphy, all right.

That's Mrs. McMurphy right there.

She's gonna take spring cleaning,

and she's gonna fucking punt it right to summer.

- Huh?! - They're hammered.

Oh, here comes in Sadie with an update,

what you got next for us? The weather?

- Up next, news and traffic. - Every hours on the hours.

- Sadie?! - Fuckin' Sadie, all day,

just fuckin' can't wait to tell you everything about everything.

Connies!

Oh, Connie McMurphy!

What you gots in the box there, Connies?

Fuckin', you know Connie.

Always carrying around something in a box.

Katy, why are they calling me Connie?

- You mean Sadies? - Oh, Sadie's got another update.

What have you got next for us? You got the weather?

Fuckin' Sadie is a meteorologist.

I think I'll have what yous are having.

- They're hammered. - Here you go.

Here's an update, Sadie, why don't you tell us

about the atmospheric pressure there?

Yeah, where's the geometric satellite?

- Ask Wade. - Well, it's way up

- in the meso... sphere. - I heard prevailing winds.

- How's visibilities? - Looking like some cumulonimbus

clouds, Sadie? Looking like some... cumulonimbi.

Mmm, six notches in the clock.

Oh, here's fucking Mrs. McMurphy all over again.

If it's a London Dry, she's your guy!

That's what I always say.

That's Mrs. McMurphys right theres for you.

She says it a lot, she'll fucking tell you

- that she says it a lot. - That's all I know.

Will you guys help us pick stones?

More hands make less work.

Well, I'd love to help yous with that cocksucker, Katy--

Sadie!

- Sadie? - Yeah. I'm Sadie.

That's Wade, Gary, and Don.

Yous better listen up, 'cause we've got a little rule

around here.

Did you tell 'em?

Oh.

Can't help people who don't know what their names are.

Oh, that's McMurphy right there.

He'll spend half the day telling you

you don't know what your name is.

Those have been the rules, and they are staunch.

We gotta sell all this shit we pulled out of the attic,

basement, barn.

- Can I go? - No.

- But can I go? - No.

We won't keep you then. Have a good one.

Have a good one!

Please, Mrs. McMurphy!

Mrs. McMurphy? You're a day early, baby.

- Mondays are for role play. - Eww!

Sundays are for yard sales.

Sundays are for picking stones!

What do you mean the skids got a dance gal?

We mean, like, they got a girl who...

- Dances. - Yeah.

So they got a girl who dances, so she's like--

- A dance gal. - Yeah.

Stewart said that dance VidVok will always be the most popular,

- but we said-- - We need you to be

- the most popular. - Why?

- 'Cause we're your managers. - Sick.

- Sick, buddy. - And as such,

we are entitled to a notable percentage of your earnings.

- What percentage? - A notable one.

Moving right along.

The skids say dance VidVok is the most popular, we agree.

I feel like not enough people know about butt VidVok yet.

Yeah. See, I agree with Jonesy.

We're the first artisans of butt art on VidVok.

- Artisans? - Yeah,

like, craftsmen of butt art.

- Craftspeople. - Yeah.

We're the first craftspeople of butt art on VidVok.

We're buttsmiths.

Wow, Aly, we landed a pair of innovators here.

A real pair of initiators with this butt art.

- Ground-breakers. - Torch-bearers.

- Pathfinders. - Trailblazers.

I still think I prefer "buttsmiths."

What did we do to land a pair of catalysts like you?

- Well... - You know.

We're wheeling you.

- We're wheeling you. - Pardon?

We are wheeling you.

Girls are into that kind of thing?

- What do you mean? - I mean it's been

my understanding that girls wheeling guys

- is considered to be a bit... - Unladylike.

- Improper. - Unsuitable.

- Graceless. - Yeah.

- Yeah, no. - No?

- Yeah, no. - Well, okay.

Like okay full disclosure, though, wheeling kind of implies

that it's just about sex.

Yeah, that's why we used that term in this particular--

- These. - These particular cases.

- Huh. - Like, okay.

We know you think it's only a guy thing to want

to have sex with someone with zero intention

of ever seeing them or speaking to them again.

- Yeah. - Yeah, no.

We know that for women to pursue just sex,

as guys so often do, is considered...

- Unwomanly. - Unmannerly.

- Haughtenish. - Indelicate.

- Yeah. - But no.

You think only guys just want to get laid?

- Yeah. - Yeah, no.

To be clear, you are with us for just sex

and nothing else, right?

Speak freely.

Y-yes?

- Us too. - Well, not just sex.

Oh no. Definitely not just sex.

- But then... - But then...

Look, since we're all speaking freely here.

Okay, well, first, we love your butts.

Oh, hockey players have the best butts.

- Mm-hm. - Mmm.

But--

Besides your butts, we are just with you

so we can ride your coattails to the top.

Yep, the very top of butt art VidVok.

- Sick! - Sick, buddy!

So if dance VidVok will always be the most popular...

It's time to broaden your niche.

- Absolutely - Hundy P.

- Wheel, snipe, celly, boys. - Dirty fucking dangles, boys.

- What's a niche? - Yeah, I don't know

what a niche is, but I'm all for broadening it, though.

- It is something you eat, right? - Let's dance, boys.

- Mmm. - Mm-hm.

- Mmmm. - Mm-hmm.

Single file, boys!

There goes Sadie, ol' Captain Rules of the Road!

- Who's Sadie? - Shut up, Gary!

- What are yous doing? - I'm training him.

- Looking good, coach. - Thanks, brother!

Been going stupid hard at the gym, you probably can tell

- by my bod, though. - Can confirm.

Yeah, the woman who owns the gym, she says

I'm there more than she is! - Is that right?

And she owns the gym!

I'll have this guy squatting six plates by Thanksgiving.

Combine that with eating less plates at Thanksgiving

and you're laughing!

Oh, that's classic Sadie for you, handing out food advice.

You should be a diet doctor-tician.

Yeah, go carbo load, Sadie!

Hey, what school d'you go to to become a diet statistician?

Sit down, Don!

What's with all the Shelbyville names?

- Tell him, Wade. - I'd fucking like to,

but I've been sitting back here for three fifths of a minute

trying to think of names that sound like Tyson and Coach,

and I've come up dry as a fart.

Tyson!

- Dyson! - The vacuum?

You mean the hairdryer?

Got one of those fancy dryers down at the gym.

Coach. Poach. Roach.

There's just no approach.

You guys want to help us pick stones?

More hands make less work.

Sorry, got another 8k before the sun goes down.

Good enough. Adios!

Sundays are for picking stones!

The woman who owns the gym should be there the most,

don't you know? She said it, I didn't say it.

Sure.

But she should be.

- Connor. - Stewart.

- Darien. - Stewart.

Let's see how productive Beavis and Butt Art have been.

Huh.

They appear to be flexing their butt cheeks

to the beat of the music now.

Hey, thanks for doing this before you head up north,

eh, Shoresy?

Yeah, thanks for doing this before you left, buddy.

Give your balls a tug, tit fucker.

They are evolving!

Stewart!

We're ready.

♪ Turn the bass way up and the lights down ♪

♪ Everybody be holding on right now ♪

♪ Imma need you on me like right now ♪

♪ Turn the bass way up and the lights down ♪

♪ We gonna go way when the lights down ♪

♪ I got you in the vibe, now you're feeling it ♪

♪ I ain't even trying and you're into it ♪

♪ Yeah, I know the guy that you're dealing with ♪

♪ He ain't even fly, he ain't in the mix ♪

♪ I can tell you wanna vibe right now ♪

♪ We could really go high right now ♪

♪ I can tell you wanna vibe right now ♪

♪ We could really go high right now ♪

♪ ...Turn the bass way up ♪

♪ Turn the bass way up and the lights down ♪

♪ Tonight we chasing those vibes ♪

♪ We just living in the moment ♪

♪ We ain't worried about time ♪

♪ Tonight we chasing those vibes ♪

♪ We just living in the moment ♪

♪ We ain't worried about time ♪

♪ I got you in the vibe, now you feeling it ♪

♪ I ain't even trying and you're into it ♪

♪ Yeah, I know the guy that you're dealing with ♪

♪ He ain't even fly, he ain't in the mix ♪

♪ I can tell you wanna vibe right now ♪

♪ We could really go high right now ♪

♪ I can tell you wanna vibe right now ♪

Who is that?

JONESY/REILLY: Who is that?!

Who is that?!

- That's Lady C. - Roald?

- Stewart. - Can't you see--

We want you.

- But, uh, you don't want me? - No.

JONESY/REILLY: You don't want us?

- Fuck no. - But she is with us.

What does that mean exactly?

It means if you want her, you have to go through me.

Yeah, no.

What's the first rule of business?

Location, location, location.

No, no, no. That's real estate, buddy. So stupid.

It's deny, deny, deny.

- That's law. - Oh, uh, ABC.

Always be finishing deals.

It's always skip the middle man.

- So, Stewart. - Bianca-donk.

- Stewart. - Alycat.

You're a man, right?

Yes...

And you're in the middle?

Yes.

- Skip. - Skip.

Fuck.

And we're done wheeling you now.

- You don't want my butt? - You don't want my butt art?

Yeah, no.

Well, hockey, neither of us got the girls.

What girls?

Alycat and Bianca-donk.

Right. I almost forgot about them.

- Excuse me? - What?

Explain.

Oh, okay, okay, so you know how we smash, like...

- like, a ton of broads? - Okay.

Letterkenny being a small town and everything, well,

we've been kind of running out of broads to smash.

Okay.

But then Alycat and Badonk-a-donk

got us doing butt videos on VidVok.

And boys, it is a whole new world of DMs.

Might be the most active DMing we've ever done.

There's broads pole dancing on there, boys.

Do you... do you realize what that means?

- No. - DMing pole dancers.

What's the first rule of VidVok, boys?

Uh, I...I don't know.

ABC. Always be DMing broads.

Nice.

This Sunday was for nothing!

WAYNE/KATY/DAN/DARYL: Sundays are for picking stones.

- Lowry. - Johnsy.

Rolands. Saddles up, more hands makes for less works.

- Eww... - Come on, Stalwart.

Stalwart?

That's actually a rare compliment.

It's actually a pretty good time, we'll get hammered.

- You get hammered? - Well, yeah,

no one's operating a fuckin' motor vehicle.

Fuckin' heavy machinery.

What's your fuckin' name again?

- Oh, he's Reilly. - And he's Jonesy.

And we'll get hammered.

Well, saddle up, boys.

Saddle up!

Come on, skids. Train's leaving the station.

- You got any rips? - Stewart.

Connor, Darien.

Take care of the bikes.

♪ When I've got a drink in my hand ♪

♪ You know it's gonna be a long night... ♪

♪ Why does he hate you so? ♪

♪ He's just a problem child ♪

♪ Why does he hate me so? ♪

♪ He's just a problem child ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

Let's get some fuckin' sushi maki!

♪ Why does he hate you so? ♪

♪ He's just a problem child ♪

♪ Why does he hate me so? ♪

♪ He's just a problem child ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪