Original subtitles

You were serving over the legal limit the other day.

Gin?

And cock-suckin' tonic. That's what I always say.

You drank it all, you old goat.

Then I'll have a Gin Smash.

"Smashing."

Hey, Gailer, you ever had a gin gash?

It's when you drink it out of down there.

He drinks gin out your gash?

I don't even have to be awake.

Oh, baby, this reminds me

of the time we went down "McMyrtle" Beach!

- What for? - Making love.

I'm pretty sure this story's gonna make you want to squirm.

- Bet I won't. - Oh, you're gonna squiggle.

Bet I won't! - Bet in a second,

you're gonna wanna squinch. - Bet I won't.

Think we ought to take that bet, baby.

Oh, baby, I love it when you take it.

I love gettin' taken. - What's the wager?

If I win, I get a case of beer from you,

if you win, you buy me a case of beer.

Deal!

I'll shake on that cocksucker too.

Shaboink.

So Mrs. McMurray and I are on our way down to McMyrtle.

He had his first ever gin gash on the plane ride down,

didn't you, babe. - Mmm-hmm.

Mmm. Mighty fine.

Actually, later, we'll tell you about gash potatoes.

'Kay.

Mrs. McMurray are at the top of the McMarriott Hotel Bar.

She's got a little whale tail sticking out

the top of her pants.

Just a little thong riddin' up, little t-bar. Heh-heh.

I got the sleeves cut off of my Hard Rock Cafe Niagara t-shirt

just to let folks know, we're playing for keeps.

Shoulda packed a lunch.

Oh, no, now this is when the story starts getting good.

Wait, what was the wager again?

If Gail wins, she gets a case of beer from us,

if we win, we buy Gail a case of beer.

Your money, honey.

So, Mrs. McMurray and I are setting up shop.

Open sign in the window.

Let's just say this place smells cologne-ly.

Tell her about the spinner, baby.

So, this little blonde spinner sashays up to the bar,

grabs my beer...

polishes off half of it!

What did she look like.

She coulda spat in it and I'd still fuck her.

Like a six or above then?

Then she looks at me and says, "Good beer."

I said, "Yeah." Then, she looks at Mrs. McMurray

and stares her straight in the tits.

Square in the tits. - Mmm-hmm.

Then, she looks back at me and says,

"Youse guys down for some nose beers?"

Degen.

I say, "We talkin' the carny quesos?"

- White goat tocate? - Talkin' the disco talco.

The Hollywood wash?

She says, "How 'bout a bumpsky?"

I say... "Bathroom."

For a couple third stall solditas.

And she says, "No, no, no, no, big boy!"

She says, "This here's McMyrtle Beach, and down here,

we don't keep no secrets."

She dumps a Callaway on her hand and holds it up

to her honker and...

And she dumps a Titleist on my hand,

I hold it up to my honker...

And she dumps a Slazenger on my hand,

I hold it up to my honker...

- Whew! - Dunloped!

Then we're the Top Flite three.

Says, "How does that smell?" I says, "Better than hell."

She says, "Yeah, you ever smelled heaven?"

She sticks her hand down her skorts, pulls it up

and puts her peter-pointer right under my beak.

- How'd that smell? - Like fuzzy peaches.

Eh, I was hoping for Hot Lips.

Gail, is none of this not gettin' a wee bit butt-off?

- What happens next? - You mean after she ripped

a dinger off my McMichael Kors watch?

- I blacked out. - Huh?

Mrs. McMurray, tell her what happened.

He drank about 20 gin gash out the two of us.

You what?

I drank about 20 gin gash out the two of them.

Oh... How's that go?

So.

I'm stripped down. - So's the spinner!

Ooh! Yes, Ma'am.

I tip my bird forward, I pour the ginsky down my tummy,

it filters through my bird and...

Straight down the gullet!

Gin gash. Also called ne-groin-ies.

And you blacked out on that? You've changed, McMurray.

I've seen you drink 30 Gus N' Brus a baker's dozen times.

I didn't say I was finished.

Nothin' though, Gailer? Is none of this not getting you...

a wee bit fidgety. - And then?

And then, I was just gonna tell ya--

- Then tell me! - All right by that time

we're about three grams deep on the cartel crumbs.

Don't forget about the 20 gin gash!

And this gal wants to kick things up a notch.

- Yep. - You ever had a gin gimlet?

- Yeah. - How 'bout a gin rim-let?

How's that go?

I don't have to move!

Just flip around here. All right so...

Hold on, baby. - Mmm-hmm.

Instead of the ginsky going down my tummy and through my bird,

it goes down my backside and through my bum.

- 'Member the 20 gin gash? - Yeah.

Let's just say I lost track of about a dozen gin rim-lets.

Gailer, ain't none of this gettin' a wee bit too kinky?

Nah.

Not the fuzzy peach peter-pointer?

- Nuh-uh. - Not even the 20 gin gash?

Won't knock it 'til I've tried it.

Not drinking a gin rim-let from a stranger's butthole

'til her socks are soaked?

What? She left her socks on! Ugh!

She left her fuckin' socks on? Fucking disgusting!

Don't leave your socks on.

Never leave your fucking white socks on! Fuck!

Later on, we'll tell you about the bum rum.

We did it, baby.

We always do it, baby.

What was the wager again?

If I win, I get a case of beer from you,

if you win, you buy me a case of beer.

What's up, Boo?

Tanis, how're ya now?

- Good and you? - Not so bad.

Say, gun to your head: Would you rather start your day

inside the rink cleaning up after a bunch of hockey guys,

or would you rather end your day inside the rink

cleaning up after a bunch of hockey guys?

- Pull the trigger. - That's what Emma said.

- Who? - Emma,

the bro-dude chick I'm banging. - Here we go now.

- You ever drive truck? - Sure.

Good, because if all else fails you can always drive truck.

- Fuckin' bing-bang-boom. - Did you ever drive boni?

Did I ever drive...?

- Zambo. - Yeah, one more time.

I says did you ever drive a Zamboni?

- An ice resurfacing machine? - That's the ticket.

That line does not appear on my resume.

Well, good news there, pumpkin, if you can drive a truck,

you can drive boni.

What's that other term you used there... zambo?

If you can drive a truck, you can drive Zamboni.

Is that right?

I can do the flooding throughout the day but I need somebody

to cover the first and last flood for me.

- Why? - The bro-dude chick

that I'm banging, she lives in the city and I can't

be banging her if I'm flooding the ice until 11 at night.

- No you can't. - And then,

I can't be banging her again in the morning

if I'm flooding the ice for the tyke league before sun's up.

- But it's your job. - Bro!

Why d'you gotta be such a fuckin' Boy Scout?

Don't be such a fucking missionary.

- 'Kay. - God.

You are such a fucking square.

Well, it's always been my favourite shape.

My fuckin' eye.

A girl who looks like me tells you she wants to bang

a girl who looks like her and all you can say is,

"But it's your job."

Oh, now you paint a mental picture.

Oh no, it's just that like, I've been told

my voice's a wee bit nasally, so when you said that,

I was kinda like, "Well that does sound a wee bit like me."

- But it's your job. - But it's your job...

Yeah, I guess I do kinda nail it, eh?

It does sound a wee bit like me.

Okay, so I'm gonna get Shania to do the first flood,

but can you cover me for the last flood

so I can go mess this chick's bed up?

When a friend asks for help, you help 'em.

Thanks, Boo.

Well, it's a good thing I used to drive truck.

Mm-hm. 'Cause if you can drive a truck, you can drive boni.

I think I prefer the term zambo.

Why, 'cause boni sounds a little bit horny?

- A wee bit. - You are so fucking ho-hum.

Oh, I've been called worse.

You're like a belt and suspenders.

Well, reliable and uplifting.

- How's that for ya? - How's what for me?

- Being a fucking dial tone. - Oh, it's not too bad for me.

Come inside, I'll show you the ropes.

You wanna know what, Tanis, I just can't believe

you've been driving zambo.

What? Don't be so surprised.

You've seen me drive boni.

What the fuck do you mean you like hockey players now?

Was that unclear?

Let's try a literal translation.

We like hockey players now.

You like hockey players now?

- Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. - Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.

- Why? - Their butts.

- But what about 2cock Chakur? - Just 2cock.

You plateaued, babe.

We have 20,000 SoundCloud subscribers.

You had 20,000 SoundCloud subscribers months ago.

How many you got now? - 20,000.

- Roald. - Exactly, no growth.

You missed the boat, boys. 2cock Chakur was hot.

- Just 2cock. - Roald!

But you didn't capitalize on the heat.

- SoundCloud is so passé. - Passé-off, Bianca-donk.

- Where's the Twitter following? - Twitter is a cult.

Stewart's trying to get verified.

The Tumblr, the IG, the Snapchat, the VidVok.

- Vid? - Vok!

That shit's for kids.

No it isn't. That shit's entertaining.

Perhaps for enfants.

- Whatever, Roald. - Whatever, Katy.

- Whatever, Roald. - Whatever, Katy!

Hah! Last word.

- Whatever, Roald. - What!

- Must be the butts, boys. - Gotta be the butts, boys.

You're early.

If you're not ten minutes early, you're late.

Look at this mutant, eh?

Appears to be overexerting himself.

- He's going places. - Literally or figuratively?

Both actually, I got him shipped up north to my cousin's team,

Senior Triple A, baby.

Well, that was nice of you.

- I owed him one. - What for?

He helped me win that 'ship with the Eagles.

Now, you hold on one bell pepper. What's his name?

- Shoresy. - I heard of that dude.

Bit of a snake, isn't he?

Temporary glory is better than no glory.

- Honesty is the best policy. - Agh! Fuck you, dude.

Go sell bibles with that bullshit.

Aren't bibles free?

You are such a pageant bitch with your conduct.

Well, you know I like to set a good example

for young people, Tanis.

You're a fucking napkin.

You drive safe then.

Yeah, I gotta go lie on top of this broad.

- I'll clean up. - Thanks, Boo.

How late does he go?

'Til he can't anymore.

I like his work ethic.

If by the time I get to this door

you haven't looked at my ass once...

you've changed, man.

You've fucking changed.

Fuckin' Samaritan.

You two handed me in the ankle. Now you answer the bell.

Looks like you answered to Taco Bell, Frankie,

one too many times.

Why don't you save some for the rest of us,

you fucking garburator.

Hey, il est Jean-Jaques Fracois Jaques-Jean.

Eh, more like, John-Joke Francois Joke-John

fuckin' Jabba the Pizza Hut.

- Fuck you, Shoresy. - Fuck you, Frankie.

I told 'em to put a bear trap over by the dumpster

to keep you from rummaging around in there.

Go back into the bush and eat some berries

like you're supposed to. - Tabarnak!

You're fucking Winnie the Pooh, bud, go put

some honey in your tummy. - Câlisse.

Jesus Christ, take Christopher Robin with you,

you fucking loser. - Sacrament!

Go back to the fucking dessert bar, you fucking

Treatzza Pizza face. - Vidange!

Jesus Christ, Frankie, you've eaten 20 boxes

of apple fritters since I saw you last.

Mix in a cinnamon twist, you fuckin' sumo.

Hey, what's the matter, Frankie? Hey no secrets between besties.

What did you just remember it's fucking 2-for-1 dip cones

at DQ, you fucking hippo?

Ah, oui, Frankie, continue comme ca.

Enjoy that 20 pack of 'chickie nuggles', you fucking loser!

How the fuck do we get VidVok famous?

- Don't shout at me, skid. - Please!

Don't shout at her, skid.

I beseech you, express in words...

what are the kids into these days?

- Are you funny? - Unintentionally.

That's what I go to VidVok for,

a quick, mindless laugh.

We require an alternate course of action.

Well, I go for the dancing. Youse know how to dance, so...

do that and you'll be VidVok famous in a 'minnow'.

We dance for the soul, not the spectacle!

Well, what are you good at?

Very little.

Geez, it's like pulling hens' teeth.

- Hens don't have teeth! - Holy fuck.

If we lack the adequacy to plug into an existing trend,

then we must forge our own.

Good luck. VidVok's got nutsacks doing every damn thing.

Not... every damn thing.

What do you wanna do, Stewart?

The only thing that we are truly good at, Roald.

Stewart...

♪ ...This, this, this, this, this, this, this ♪

♪ Do this... do this... do this forever ♪

♪ Can do this, do this, do this forever ♪

♪ Can do this, do this, do this forever ♪

♪ Do this, do this, do this forever ♪

♪ Can do this, do this, do this forever ♪

♪ Do this, do this, do this forever ♪

♪ Can do this, do this, do this forever ♪

♪ Do this, do this, do this forever ♪

♪ Can do this, do this, do this forever ♪

♪ Do this ♪

♪ Do this ♪

♪ Do this, do this, do this forever ♪

♪ Can do this, do this, do this forever ♪

♪ Do this, do this, do this forever ♪

♪ Can do this, do this, do this forever ♪

Yo. Can you teach Axe and Slash how to drive boni?

Uh?

Can you teach Axe and Slash how to drive boni?!

- Zambo... - Please.

- Which leg did you break? - I wish it was my leg.

I'm breaking my back banging this broad.

I gotta pass the buck here.

- But it's your job. - But it's your job.

- What? You sound just like him. - I know.

She does sound quite a bit like me.

- Fuck, more than a drill bit. - I'd do it for you.

I do believe you would.

- Thanks, Boo. - Enjoy yourself.

He's gotta be done soon.

- Another 30 minutes at least. - What an animal.

Well! Youse ever drive truck?

Brought three with you this time, eh, you fat fuck?

- Fuck you, Shoresy. - Jesus Christ, Frank,

you've eaten so many honey glazed doughnuts,

you're starting to fucking look like one.

- Hey! - They should call you

Jean-Jaques Fracois Jelly-Doughnut.

Tabarnak!

Fucking Jean-Jaques Fracois Extra Frosting Jaques-Jean.

- Fuck you, Shoresy. - JJ Fritter JJ.

Times up.

Fucking finish chewing your honey cruller before

you speak, Frank. You're making a fucking fool of yourself.

Do you not know what's ahead of you here?

Well, I know what's behind ya!

♪ Don't need your... ♪

♪ I gotta live with you inside my mind ♪

♪ Inside! My mind! ♪

♪ And when I look, I don't need to beat you up ♪

♪ I gotta live with you inside my mind ♪

♪ Inside! My mind! ♪

♪ Inside! ♪

♪ My mind... ♪

- Alycat! Alycat! - What?

- You, uh, check VidVok lately? - For what?

Oh, I don't know.

- I don't know. Do you know? - Do you know? I don't know.

Maybe a little Letterkenny collective called 2cock Chakur?

- Just 2cock. - Roald, if they're looking

for it on the app it actually has to be 2cock Chakur.

I know, but if they're just saying it out loud, I feel-

- 2cock Chakur? - Just 2cock.

- Banned. - Yeah, it's a band.

20,000 followers on SoundCloud.

She means you're banned from VidVok.

- What? - What?

- You're banned, hon. - What?

"2cock Chakur is banned from VidVok for violating

"VidVok's policies and rules." Do anything illegal?

- Snooters. - Illegal.

Yeah, but they're recreational snooters.

No matter, Reilly and Jonesy are blowing up on there.

Reilly and Jonesy... on VidVok!

For what?

Oh, we just went around town and did that thing with our butts.

Now, remind me again, which thing--

- Roald. - You know that thing,

where we yank our shorts up into our, uh...

Should we just show him? - Yeah, buddy.

Yeah.

Ready? - Yeah.

You got famous for that?

Well yeah.

I mean, there's more to it than meets the eye, boys.

Yeah. Hired a cinematographer and a sound engineer,

and we really got it finessed.

- Oh... - The cinematographer and

the sound engineer are technically the same person.

- Skeleton crew, boys. - Yeah,

he's just by billet brother,

but he went to Humber College, so he's got it dialled.

- You wanna see? - Yeah!

- Roald. - Cool.

- Check it. - Number one.

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Uh ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ I came for the love ♪

And this is number two.

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Uh ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ I came for the love ♪

And last, but not least, number three.

See this one really shows our range, boys.

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Uh ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ I came for the love ♪

This is a grotesquery.

I told you I'd do butt stuff for VidVok, but no.

Roald!

We learned there's a butt video for every season, boys.

It's a super seasonal concept, boys.

In that it will be over soon. There's no longevity in this.

We beg to differ. Once they build up their VidVok audience

to say... - A milly.

Once they build up their VidVok audience to a milly,

we'll get 'em going on Cameo.

Is your brother, sister, friend, friend's brother's brother

or friend's brother's sister celebrating a birthday,

anniversary, graduation or brit milah?

Congratulate them with a personalized shoutout from...

- He's Jonesy. - And he's Reilly.

And once we build their audience across all platforms,

we'll get them going on OnlyFans.

Huge money on OnlyFans.

House buying money on OnlyFans.

But please, by all means, keep hitting the pavement doing

whatever it is you were doing to get you banned from VidVok.

Buying you those roller blades first though, buddy.

Ooh! Should we got for a quick blade right now, buddy?

Good idea. They can do a video in their roller blades.

Brilliant!

- Stewart? - Roald.

Not all is lost.

We could still show them the ones we had banked

for our rollout.

No, no one's impressed, Roald.

You impressed me.

We did? I mean.

I did? - Stewart?

- You did. - Wondrous.

With the stupidest, most recklessly irresponsible,

gnarly-ass shit you two have thought of by fuckin' far.

Go on.

We've got enough kids with problems in this town.

What do you think they'd do if they saw you guys doing that?

- Follow us. - Monkey see, monkey do.

Come here.

You come here.

Come... here.

You come--

It's not worth it, Stewart. Not worth it.

- How're you know? - Good, and you?

Not so bad.

Look at this.

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Uh ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ I came for the love ♪

Outstanding.

It's your last night, Boo.

- Why? - He's out. Leaving town.

- Heading up north? - Why? You gonna miss him?

I like his work ethic.

Thank you for all your help.

I can handle it now that I don't have to stick around

and watch him skate until he pukes.

- But it's your job. - But it's your job.

- Well. - Later.

All right.

♪ I might step out of my life ♪

♪ I see no reason why ♪

♪ I might continue ♪

♪ I have this dream that keeps coming back for me ♪

♪ On a sunny summer day ♪

♪ Humanity's erased ♪

♪ There we lay in the park... ♪

Good luck up north.

♪ The sky begins to spin ♪

♪ The world gets sucked right into a bubble ♪

♪ I might step out of my life ♪

♪ I see no reason why ♪

♪ I might continue ♪

♪ I might step into the light ♪

♪ I see no reason why ♪

♪ I might continue ♪

♪ I might step out of my life ♪

♪ I see no reason why... ♪