Original subtitles

You were having a wee bit of a spats

with your pal the other day.

- You did it on purpose. - No I never.

- You did it on purpose! - No I never!

- You did it on purpose! - No I nevers!

- How're ya now. - Can't you see

- we're having a spat? - That's a Texas-sized 10-4.

Well, don't you feels compelled to gets between us and whatnots?

Well, people are allowed to disagree and what have you.

Well yeah, but usually when we're having a spat

- you intervene and all that. - Where's that got me and such?

Could you at least ask us what the problems is?

- Okay. - Okay.

Okay.

'Kay.

What's the problem?

- Katy's big tarts. - What's that?

Oh, I just love Katy's baked tarts.

Youse, uh... trying to provoke me here?

They're perfect. Katy's got perfect tarts.

I feel like youse know full well what youse are doing.

- I just love those tarts. - So I've gathered.

Mercy, those big, soft tarts of hers.

- So we crushed a tub of 'em. - Did youse eat a whole tub?

Well okay, there was two tubs, and so we only crushed

one of the tubs, so there's still a tub left.

There was fucking 19 to a tub.

Neither of us is prouds about eatins a whole tub.

Well, I didn't see an empty tub on the counter.

Well, that's because we washed and dried and put away the tub

so that you wouldn't've seen that we ate the tub.

- Sneaky as the Dickens. - So we get to the bottom

of the tub and there's one left, so we decide to split it.

So Dan's gonna take a bite and then hand me the other half.

It's good of you to give him the dividing bite.

Well, that's what I thought it was, too.

I expressed my appreciations on receivings the dividing bites.

And then he ate the whole thing!

- You did not. - It was on accident!

- He did. - You did not do that to Darry.

- It was on accident! - Yes he did do that to Darry!

It was on accidents, Darrys!

How do you accidentally eat a full tart when

you previously agreed to go halves on the tart?

- I'm gonna say! - Well you can get saying!

- Go on and say it! - I'm gonna say!

- Well you can get saying! - Go on and say it!

I'm gonna day, Darrys!

So...

Katy's got those big old tarts.

- Come off it. - I mean, Lord, I'd have one

of them tarts down my gullet all hours of the day if I could.

Ah, I'm just dreaming of Katy's big ol' tarts in my hands.

Move... fuckin' onwards.

So I goes to takes the dividing bites of the tarts,

and the other half of the tart just crumbles

right theres in my hands!

- That'll happen. - So it's either let

the crumbled half just fall right there on the floor

or I just hoover up the other halfs!

You know I eat stuff off the floor!

You know that I eat stuff off the floor!

Darry's always eating thing off the floor.

He's right! I'm always eating things up off the floor!

Surprised he isn't eating something off the floor

right now.

It's not my fault the tarts crumbled.

- Tarts crumbles all the time. - Almost every day.

I mean, I was just as surprised as everyone,

'cause you know that Katy's tarts are usually so very firm.

You coulda' put the tub underneath it to catch the tart!

We'd already washed and dried and put away the tub, Darry!

Sneaky as the Dickens!

That doesn't change that I still eat things off the floor!

I always eat things off the floor,

and I'm never backing down from that. Never!

Hey, gents.

Where's this end?

Does anyone want the other half of this?

I believes my good buddy Darry's woulds.

Hey, thanks, good buddy,

It's just too much.

Why are my tarts so big?

DAN/DARRY: Makes them perfect for sharings with a pal.

Come off it!

Schmellies. If he needs a hand, I'm happy to lend one.

Just as long as his daughters aren't there.

What, you got something against daughters, Darry?

Well, just those daughters in particular.

Ain't much wrong with the sisters though, eh?

Hello unto ye.

He's a bit spooked this glorious day.

Best I stroke this big Dyck 'til he calms once. There.

Almost there. There.

What a miraculous day the Lord hath made.

Let us be glad and rejoice for he is inside all of us.

Noah, how are you now?

"Noah" worse off than the next guy, I suppose.

Daniel! - I haven't seen ye in--

The age of dog once, yep.

- Darryl. - What can we do for you?

Wayne, your community has always used us right. Hopefully--

You feel as though we've used you right.

- Once. - You said it at least twice.

- Twice once? - Eh, at least twice.

- Least twice once? - Twice or more.

- Not once or twice once? - At least twice.

- Twice or more once. - Can confirm.

Wayne, you've been a great friend unto me

for many years now.

- Okay. - For banging the boxes

summer last, I feel the great need deep within me

to repay you for the kindnesses shown,

the very best way I know how.

- Oh, here we go. - Well, how's that?

- With a sausage party! - Wait, first a box hammer,

- and now... - A which?

- A sausage party. - Well, he must mean literally.

I've spent the majority of mine adult life

stuffing my meat into casings.

It's thrilling work, rewarding and exhausting,

yet I won't rest until my sausage has touched

the back of your throats.

- Well, I do's loves sausages. - Me too.

Like, I love it so much.

I'd feel a bit better if we could bring a date.

Ah, I'm afraid there's only one rule at a sausage party.

No women allowed.

Okay, so he meant literally as well as figuratively.

Are your daughters going to be around?

Not today. They're having a party with mine wife

- in our very own kitchen. - That's a good thing.

Besides, a sausage party is a good chance for men to blow...

off a little steam.

I'm not sure we can make it, Noah.

Darryl, you silly gosling! I haven't even said when it is!

- Right. Shoot. - It's today!

- We'll be there. - I love sausages.

Me too. Like, it's so god.

What goes on at a sausage party?

Well, Darryl, it sounds like it's a party

where guys eats a lot of sausages.

Like, literally, a sausages party.

But also it's a dudes-only party,

so figuratively it's a sausages party as well.

Daniel, I must confess, you are testing the limits

of my one-room schoolhouse education

with all those fancy words.

I know that Mennonites aren't exactly known for having

a wagon-load of grey matter.

But fuck can they run...

Still, I do wish I could give mine children great brain.

Alas, it's of no matter. So what sayeth ye?

I won't take "Noah" for an answer.

- So no daughters? - No, not on this day.

- What about sisters? - Daniel, time will tell.

By the looks of the sun, it's fast approaching noon.

- It's 3 pm. - I'd best get home to prepare.

It's as much for your benefit as mine.

For ye haven't truly lived

until you've had Dyck meat in your mouth.

- Bugs and Daffy. - Stewart!

The fuck are you vampires doing here?

This is where we get... dirty.

What are you doing here?

The supplement store... is that way.

I didn't know Letterkenny had a supplement store.

Where?

Yeah, uh... you know the bridge by the Kinsmen pool

- that goes over top of the dam? - Yeah.

Oh, just walk halfway across it and jump off.

Stewart!

I never noticed a supplement store there, buddy.

- Let's look on our way back. - Yeah.

I'm gonna buy the Dynamic Stimulant free core

- slimming complex. - Nice.

I'm out of my Nexo Bionic extra strength

advanced multi-probiotic.

- Bet you they have it. - I hope so.

- On your way back where? - Play Chel.

- My crib's around the corner. - Your mom's crib--

Roald! You wanna rip some Chel?

Roll up.

- Sure. Yeah. - Cool.

But yo, let's actually stop by that suppy store

on the way home. I'm out of my amino nitrate

sodium bicarbonate beta alanine creatine with BCAAs.

Sick! I'm out of my amino acid up and recovery

3-in-1 macro tracking exogenic ketones.

- Bet you they have it. - I hope so!

Don't forget you Flintstone vitamins.

- Wilma's my favourite flavour! - I prefer Fred.

Noted.

Sausage seekers! Ye came!

Well, it woulda been rudes not to.

- Half rude. - You don't wanna be half rude.

I wasn't half rude.

Well, not coming would be whole rude.

Well, in which case, I'd rather be half rude.

- You never wanna be half rude. - Well, I wasn't half rude.

Good. 'Cause you don't wanna be half rude.

I must confess, my first batch of sausages did not turn out

to the usual Dyck standards.

Shameful, but I blew a load right here in the yard.

Luckily mine daughters were here to clean it up

and even eat what could be salvaged.

What a treat it was to watch my own children enjoy my load,

despite its premature completion.

Even the dog wandered over and began to suck up the excess--

Good enough!

Praise be, this next batch will remain firmly in my hands.

Breathe deeply.

For the air is thick with the sweet scent of Dyck meat.

Come! Let us gather by the fire and devour endless sausages

with our mouths together as men.

I don't care how gross you makes it sound.

Leads me to that meats. Is Lavinas on the properties?

Time will soon tell, Daniel.

By the looks of the sun, why, it's almost afternoon.

- It's evening. - Trust.

My sausages will remove all thoughts of women.

I care how gross he makes it sound.

What'd I tell you about being half rude?

- Well, I wasn't half rude. - You don't wanna be half rude.

Well, I wasn't half rude.

Hey, what's your favourite football movie?

- Rudy. - Is it really?

I would've thought you said Varsity Blues.

You fucker!

- Spellbinding! - Hot.

Breathtaking.

I'm gonna come on my coveralls, Stewart!

Have you ever seen such primitive emotion?

Primal.

I think it's called "toxic masculinity."

Oh, gonna fucking gack me up with it.

Gack all over me with it.

This isn't fair, buddy!

You had home ice advantage, bro!

We're taking the Chel station back to our billet mom's,

- and you can play us there! - On our home ice this time!

- Let's go, Reilly! - Let's go, Jonesy!

Fuck!

Did they just invite us over?

I'm glad they had fun.

Before our sausage party begins, let us take a moment

to thank the good Lord for this "meat-up".

Join hands.

I'll links for links.

Lord, we thank ye for the beautiful bounty

ye hath bestowed on us this glorious day.

Bless this meal as to thy service and forgive us our sins.

We pray this for Jesus' sake. Amen.

That wasn't so bad.

Okay, now... pork.

The aroma doth make the mouth water.

You wanna know what, it really does.

Kinda reminds me of the Kinsmen barbeque from last year.

Yeah. You got MVG.

- Yeah. - Most Valuable Griller.

Ah, put it on a t-shirt for me, thought that was pretty neat.

Wayne, for mercy's sake, at least give me a chance

to beat your meat.

'Kay.

Well, that's a relief. Some help serving?

- It'd be my pleasures. - I always say,

there's only two things a man needs in life.

Sausage and spit. Why, I tell that to young people

every opportunity I get.

Daniel, my wife constructed a smoker for us.

Won't ye do me the honours of parting her meat curtains?

Oh...

You tricked the cards! Tricked the cards!

- Ex-squeeze me? - You tricked the cards!

- You tricked the cards! - You mean, like,

- "stacked the deck?" - He admits it! He admits it!

You downloaded some funky dark web shit onto your system

and that's why you dummied us!

You speed-bagged us, boys!

You fucking... rigged all this!

- How dare you? - Stewart.

How dare you accuse us of using the... dark web

to gain a gaming competitive edge!

That is a one-way ticket to Chel Hell. I'm Chelling you.

Have you guys been drinking Chel-o shooters?

How dare you.

'Cause you're acting like a bunch of children.

How dare you!

It's one bombshell after another in this rumpus room!

Let me give it to you in a nut-Chel.

We are through walking on egg-Chels with the two of you.

Perhaps you pick up some beta blockers

- at the supplement store. - Yeah, take a Chel pill.

- Yeah. - Yeah!

Just don't forget where it is.

Just walk halfway across the bridge,

overtop of the dam, and jump off!

- Let's go, Roald. - Yeah, let's go, Roald.

Thank you.

- Huh? - Huh?

First let's start with the wurst.

Oh, I gots a thirst for wurst.

I've been known to show a kielbasa who's boss-ah.

Charcuterie-style mettwurst.

Soft, moist, melts in the mouth once.

You don't have to tell me twice.

Bratwurst. Coarse, juicy.

Made from pork.

Pork, you say? Excuse me's for pigging outs.

Knackwurst.

Pork and garlic, often highly seasoned.

Well, never so bad it couldn't be wurst.

Weisswurst.

These... wurst...

Hey, Noah, which sausage makes the funniest sounds?

Why, I don't know, Daniel.

Frankfarters.

Uh-oh! This one looks like a franksquirter.

- Stewart. - Mary-Kate.

- Roald. - Ashley.

Um, this is your Chel station from when we booked it

out of your house earlier.

Um, this is your Chel station from when

we booked it out of your house earlier.

- Get over here! - Whoop!

Um, anyway, you were right to 'chel' us off earlier.

Oh?

Yeah, we... we deserved it, boys.

Guess we thought we were better at that game

than we actually are.

You are no Alexander Graham Chel.

Do you know who that is?

I don't know who that is.

We don't know who that is, but I dunno,

we just wanted to say something like... sorry.

- Yeah, like, we regret it. - Why?

You gotta be able to take the losses with the wins, boys.

It doesn't matter if it's Chel or the National League, boys.

Playoff mentality: don't get too high, don't get too low.

- Too high. - Too high!

Gotta approach life with a playoff mentality, boys.

- So... - Later.

Later.

- Stewart! - Yo!

Where you heading?

We were gonna go check out that new supplement store

you were telling us about

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do either.

You guys, uh, ever play FIF'.

You ever, uh, FIF-it?

Yeah, I've sampled the FIF' brisket.

- FIF-ing it real? - Commander in FIF.

Two things we do not joke around about.

Schneef and FIF'.

Let's say we turn over a new FIF'.

- Shotty Brazil! - We'll go check out

that supplement store another time, buddy.

Supplement store is going nowhere, bro!

Ninja dust!

Delicious.

That's not so bad, is it, Darry?

Key to the day was the daughters away.

I wouldn't've minded seeing the sisters, though.

Oh, pardon me, brethren.

I just had my funny bone jerked.

Not sure I've had my bone jerked quite that hard before.

- But in speaking of daughters-- - No.

- And of sisters... - Yes.

- It's time... to come inside. - Why?

Well, that's where the Dyck suckers are.

I don't want to go in there.

Well, fine, I'll bring them out here.

Charity Dyck! Chastity Dyck! Anita Dyck!

Ah, my little Dyck suckers.

Charity is leading Bible study today but she sends her regards.

Darryl.

Sweetest, stickiest treat a man could ever eat.

Our sap runneth over.

- Daniel. - Lavinas.

Judging by the sun, it's just past suppertime.

- This is correct. - Dessert?

Please and thank yous.

Can I interest any of yous in some Dyck milk?

No thank you.

Don't be shy. We have an awful lot of it.

In fact, enough to make a long hot summer of Dyck cheese.

Oh, I do love your Dyck cheese.

♪ With the dawn, this light moving over your eyes ♪

♪ Life is something you... ♪

♪ ...Up in the sky drifting body... ♪

♪ ...Dancing ♪

♪ No escape in sight... ♪

♪ And we'll all come down ♪