All language subtitles for Letterkenny.S10E02.Dealership.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

You went to your pal's second
cousin's house the other day...

Ugh...

- How're ya now?
- Good, 'n' you?

- Not s'bad.
- I'm s'bad.

What's the frequency, Kenneth?

Have you ever been to Dan's
second cousin's house?

- Who? Garrett?
- No. Jarrett.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I put a field car
in their back pond one time

and have not been welcomed back.

Oh, sure you are,
good buddies.

Oh, I'm good, good buddy.

And why would that be, Wayne?

Because Dan's second cousins

have the biggest hick house
I have ever seen.

- Waynes!
- I can beat it.

- No, you can't.
- Can, too.

- Cannot.
- Can and will.

Katy, is this because
we just came back

from my second cousin's house
down the side road?

Dary's second cousin's
house down the side road

is the biggest hick house
I have ever seen.

- Katy!
- Look, youse are familiar

with our stance
on personal hygiene,

so it should be no surprise
our stance on home hygiene.

Sounds like you wanna
go head-to-head, Katy.

I'm ready for a hick-off.

You guys gonna hick-off
in front of each other,

right here, right now?

I hicked off earliers todays.

Dan's second cousints

have the biggest hick house
I've ever seen because...

You said you were gonna grab us
some more beers before all this,

but you know, whatever.

Dary's second cousints

have the biggest hick house
I've ever seen because...

Well, let's just make sure
nobody's feelings

are gonna get hurt here.

When you pull up the laneway,

a llama comes trotting up to
your door the way a dog would.

That's Cody.

There's a Planned Parenthood
billboard on the property

right beside another
billboard that says,

"Smile, your mom chose life."

I thought it was good
to stay bipartisan.

There's a substantial
ring of blood

in the bathroom
sink, shower and toilet.

Okay, define substantials.

There's two Jack Russell
terriers in the kitchen,

standing side by side,
licking the wall.

Yeah, they're Wire Haired
Jack Russells, though,

I mean, if we're splittin'
hairs.

There was a patch of
black ice inside the door

that Dan's little cousints
were playing ball hockey on

and one of 'em
sticked me in the face.

Oh, that'd be Cody.
He's on the spectrums.

Wait. The kid and the llama
are both named Cody?

Well, Cody gots
to name the llamas, so...

And then, there was a toddler,

drinking a two-litre
of cream soda,

wearing a onesie that said,

"Sex instructor,
first lesson's free."

That's Cody Jr.
That's Cody's boy.

There was bird shit
on the carpet inside.

You can't prove that
that's bird's shit.

The floors are so slanted,

Dan's cousints GT
from room to room.

Now, that is a Brett Hull's
editions GTs racers,

and I challenge any of youse to
find one of those nowadays.

One of their living room chairs
is just a flipped over blue box.

They call a bucket in
the closet an en suite bathroom.

There was a car parts titty
calendar on the fridge.

Dan's uncle showed me
a nude photo of Dan's aunt

that he keeps in his wallet.

Aunt Nancys?

They keep the
windows open all winter

because the whole place just
smells like piss.

Well, it may smell
like that to you, but--

There's an impossible
amount of Subway wrappers...

beside the toilet.

Ew. You used the en suites?

Dary's second cousint burned his
eyebrows off cooking meth.

Yeah, that one won't be beat.

Dan's uncle has too many
DUIs to drive truck,

but still somehow
drives a school bus.

Yeah, now,
that one won't be beats.

I did see...

what could only be
a glory hole.

Katy, my aunt and uncle's sex
life is none of your beeswax.

On the side of the goat pen.

Oh!

You win.

Your second cousints has
the biggest hicks house.

Your second cousints
have the biggest hicks house

One times, a bird flew into
your second cousints house

and your aunt actually yelled
out, "What's in tarnation?!"

Well, same thing
happened at yours

and your aunt
yelled out, "Dinner!"

- Big day.
- I should say.

- Don't delay.
- Okay.

Where's he goin'?

Remember when Marie-Fred
showed up at the bar

during the launch of NDN NRG?

- No.
- Well, she did.

Why didn't he
tell me about that?

You don't airs
your dirty laundry.

Yeah, give people something
to talk about and they will.

Well, it's just rumours.

And you know the small town
approach to rumours.

Where there's
smoke there's fire.

What did she want?

There's a truck she's
been after for a while

and found one at the
dealership in the city.

Like here in the city?

Can confirm.
English city. Not Quebec City.

Great fishin's in kaw-becs.

She asked Wayne to
help her with the sale

'cause the English will take
liberties with the French.

And vice versas.

Why does he want to help her?

- 'Cause we owe her one.
- Why?

It rhymes with
"Shlong dick jerks."

And you're fine with this?

- Yep.
- And dandy?

No reason not to trust him
till he gives me one, bud.

Bought and paid for.
So, are you guys excited

for the Caesar making
contest at MoDean's?

Not much
of a contest, KatyKat.

Ándele.

I'll packs
up the garnishes.

It's just... you know,
guess I'm a wee bit miffed

that Wayne didn't want me to
come to the dealership with him.

I dicker better than anybody.

Nos, you don'ts.

Who can dicker better than me?

Good man.

Ahh, McMurray!

- Marie-Frédérique!
- No, no.

How're ya now?

- Not s'bad. Good, 'n you?
- Good 'n...

- Good 'n you? Not so--
- Anyhoo...

Thanks for the help.

Don't wanna get my pants
pulled down, ya know?

Oh, don't you worry your pretty
little head, Marie-Frédérique.

Wayne knows me
better than anybody,

and I know him
better than anybody,

that's why he knows nobody
dickers better than me...

'cause he knows me
better than anybody.

Okay, well, that's...

And I know him
better than anybody.

- Bon.
- Wanna know what,

I got a few quick questions
here 'bout the truck

before we get
this rig rollin'.

- Allons-y.
- What year is it?

2017.

- How many klicks?
- Short of 80,000.

- V8?
- V6.

That's better than a 4-banger.

What's your mile to the gallon?

- 16.
- Highway or city?

16 city. 23 highway.

- Ponies?
- 355.

- Torque?
- I don't know.

- Probably 'round 380.
- Well, 380, 383, yeah.

- Ever been in an accident?
- Fender-bender.

- You file a claim?
- No.

- Warranty?
- Good through 100,000km.

How long's the one you want
been on the lot?

- Not a month.
- Dealer above board?

Meh.
Likes to take swipes.

- Sorted?
- Sorted.

All good?

All gravy.

Jimmy Dickens.

Dick-skin!

Indeed.

The Caesar building
competition may begin.

Each team will
present their Caesars

with a breakdown
of ingredients,

and then, upon completion
of the presentation,

spectators will be asked
to raise their hands

if they so desire
the Caesar in question.

From there, either
I or one of my...

...merry, gregarious
auctioneer chums

will tally the show of hands

and compare
the grand totals,

team by team,
come competitions end.

Now, let's meet the judges.

Startin' with this
dog with two tails.

Now, this
cushion-hearted,

beguiling guy
comes from out Hanover way

and remains proficient in
the auctioneering practice

well into year ten
as a professional.

It's Charlie "Cue Ball"
Lawless, everybody.

Now, how about this
barrel of monkeys?

Barrel--
the whole barrel!

Now, this
frolicsome fella

is full of all
the joys of spring.

Coming to us this afternoon
from out Seaforth way,

and full of vim and vinegar...

...it's Derek "Broadway"
Olson, everybody.

From here, I'll hand
the floor over

to your master
of ceremonies -

Miss Bonnie McMurray!

Usual rules -
you'll state your base,

your booze
and your rimmer,

with a maximum
of three boosters

and a maximum of
three garnishes.

Group at the end
with the most hands up

after their presentation
drinks free tonight. Yup?

- Yup.
- Super.

My understudy will be
taking over from here.

- Your understudy?
- I don't work tonight.

And I want that free booze.

Here we go, Bonno.

Saddle up, lady.

Who is your
understudy, buddy?

♪ Partir, venir ♪

♪ Mourir, courir ♪

♪ Partir,
venir er mourir ♪

♪ Écoute chérie,
j’ai pas le temps ♪

♪ Écoute chérie ♪

♪ Je t’ai dit non ♪

Eh! You know where the punch
clock is and everything?

Bonnie showed me.

- 'Kay.
- Hi, Daryl.

Oui, allo.

I'm looking after
my grand-mère in Galway

while my grand-père
has an operation.

Figured I'd pick up some
shifts while I'm here.

That's... fine.

Ladies and gentlemen,

your new master
of ceremonies,

your new commander-in--

Mandarin?
Who's Mandarin?

If she cheats...

- It's over.
- No exceptions.

I know.

Fuck, does she look good.

Your commander-in chief -
Anik!

Hicks up first.

- Base?
- 100% Clamato juice.

Traditional
Canadian approach.

- Booze?
- Vodka, three ounces.

Two is the norm, but three's
appreciated. Rimmer?

- Hardly knew 'er.
- Dary...

Wets the rims
with lemon juice

and then dust it
with celery salts

and Montreal steak spice.

We could have a contender
here. Boosters?

Dash of Tabasco,
dash of Worcestershire,

shot of pickle juice.

I won't stop you now.
Garnishes?

Stick of celery,
dill pickle...

Ands a Slim Jims.

Hey, I know a Slim Jim!

You're up, Dickens.

Take it away,
Cue Ball Lawless!

Okay, hands up
in the air!

We got two now,
we got five now,

seven, now 10,
12 now, 15.

- We got 15!
- 15!

Where's his office?

Oh, it's actually...

Marie-Frédérique.
Bonjour.

Hello, Lisa.
How are you?

I'm perfect. Bring me
a couple bluebirds?

- Pardon?
- Bluebirds.

Unexpected sales
opportunities.

Just a little
dealer humour.

Are they extra hands to help
you catch your white whale?

White whale?

It's an expression,

derived from Herman Melville's
classic novel Moby Dick.

Ahab, captain of
the whaling ship Pequod,

chased and chased
and chased Moby Dick,

his white whale,
but never caught it.

So, to say something
is your white whale

is to say it's something

that you chase and chase
and chase and never get.

See, this is why
I've brought my--

- Cousints.
- Yeah.

For when English goes
over my head. You know?

I see. I'm Lisa.

McMurray.

Nice to meet you.
I'm Lisa.

I'm Wayne.

Nice to meet you.

You know, you
really should have

just taken the
truck home with you.

You still can. I insist.

I don't want to
risk an accident.

I trust myself on the road.
Don't trust others.

Who can blame you?

No one loves drunk driving
like the French.

So, let's make
sure this truck

doesn't become
Marie-Fred's white whale.

There's only one.

There are plenty
of white whales.

I'm sorry?

They're called belugas.

Uh-huh.
Charlotte?

Decision-maker's niece;

she wants her to learn
from the best.

Charlotte, can you
escort Marie-Fred,

Wayne and McMarshall
to my office.

Coffee? Water?

- No, thank you.
- No, thank you.

I'll have a water.

Charlotte, can you grab
that for Mr. McMorris?

Thank you.

You're welcome.

- Merci.
- Avec plaisir.

Okay.

I have to go
to the back quickly,

but I will be...
right with you.

She's 'macmirn'.

She's what?

Mirroring.

That's what I said
- 'macmirn'.

Did you notice when I
put my hands on my hips,

she put her hands
on her hips?

When I crossed my arms,
she crossed her arms?

That's called 'macmirn' -

building a rapport with
a potential buyer

by adopting
their body language.

She's trying to make me
feel like I'm hanging

with an old field
hockey pal.

You played field hockey?

She tried to get you with
the puppy dog close, too.

- Ehh?
- Well, it's when the dealer

lets you take the truck
home for a while,

drive it around, hopes you
fall in love with it.

It's kind of like dropping a
puppy off at someone's door.

Ah, je comprends.

Well, all right!

If there's a feature
on the truck you don't want,

you're prepared
to say, like...

"I'm not paying for that."

- Ouais.
- Super.

Personally, I'm worried
about this dealer.

But there sure is
an awful lot

of nice snatch
around here, though.

Your second cousints thinks
Wonder Breads

is a foods group.

Did you say
they're inbred?

Yeah, they're
that's, too.

Reilly and Jonesy.

Has anyone
dibs'd you yet?

- Base.
- Okay, we'll circle back.

Half Clamato juice,
half tomato juice.

Otherwise known as a
Clamato Bloody Mary.

Actually, buddy,
I think I believe

it's half to-ma-to
and half Cla-ma-to.

- Is it?
- Booze?

Three ounces of vodka.

Seeing some welcome
consistency in that category.

Rimmer?

Wet the rim with
some lime juice,

and then dust it
with some celery salt

and Montreal
chicken spice.

- Assaisonnement?
- Excuse-a-me?

Seasoning. Boosters.

- Ah, of course.
- Yeah.

Frank's Red Hot sauce,

ten dashes of
Worcester-sha-sire sauce.

Now, it's a muddy Caesar.

And, of course, a shot
of dill 'plickler' juice.

- Garnishes?
- Of course.

One dill 'plickler',
one 'plickled' pepper.

And one 'plickled' egg.
Protein, boys.

Hey...

Jim Dickens?

The stage is yours,
Broadway Olson!

Okay, folks, lookin'
for hands for Caesars.

How many hands I got?
One now.

Two, looking for two.
Now three.

Three. Now, five. Five.
Lookin' for five.

I got five.
Lookin' five.

Lookin' for seven now,
seven now. Eight now.

Nine now. Ten.
Lookin for ten. Ten?

What about ten?

Would you look at that.
She has a picture

of her softball team for
her computer wallpaper.

Tells me an awful lot.

Why? What's on your
computer wallpaper?

- The wife.
- And you?

The dog.

Yep. That is no
family man, I tell ya.

Woman.

I see you've
met the ladies.

Mm-hmm.
Youse any good?

Why play
if you can't win?

- Have a seat.
- You gonna sit?

I sit all day.

- I'll stand too.
- Why?

Because sitting is
quietly murdering you.

Mm-hmm. Let's get
right to it.

Good patio weather
out there.

We wrap this up, we
can engage in some NSAs.

Non sales
related activities.

If I'm reading your buying
signals correctly,

you're no tire kicker.

Person with no ability
to buy.

I'm not here to make
an emotional sale.

Generate excitement
around the product.

I've analyzed
your BANT.

Acronym for:

budget, authority, need, timeline.

And with any luck, I will
be taking something

significant to
the decision-maker.

She is the
gate-keeper of the deal,

but her boss
is the decision-maker.

Now, what can I do to
earn your business today?

Youse got a hard copy
of the FAB?

"Features, advantages,
and benefits."

Of course I do, McMorris.
Charlotte!

I've got mine.
Alright,

so the truck comes with a
full-length moonroof, eh?

Marie-Fred, you ever
had a moonroof.

- No.
- Any desire for one?

It's nice, but I'm fine
with a sunroof.

Alright, so, the truck comes
with a full-length moonroof

and we're just fine with
the standard

factory sun roof,
so, like...

So, I'm not
paying for that.

Let's talk
intellectual sale.

Intellectual sale
appeals to logic

for quick solutions
to a problem.

Correct, McMansplain.

Wanna know what, gets
pretty cold in Q-bec.

Colder than
here, actually.

What say you throw
in a remote starter

to help warm up the truck
in the winter months

and, uh, I'll forget
about the added cost

of full-length
the moonroof.

I can do that.

We reaching the bottom
of the sales funnel?

Fancy way of saying,
"Are we close to a deal?"

Alright, so,
the truck comes with

a tri-fold soft
tonneau cover, eh?

- Out of the box.
- You wanna know what?

You're not paying
for that?

Marie-Fred,
your last truck's

got a tri-fold hard
tonneau cover, eh?

Ouais.

What's say we get one
of those out of the box.

Oui?

I mean, yes?

Never mind.

Actually!

Go see the decision-maker
in her office,

tell her I'll be
coming soon.

Okay.

On second thought,
I'll just do that myself.

I will be right back.

I would love to have
a bath with that gal.

Your second cousints garage
has four skidoos in it,

nones of which
is operationals,

yet they parks the cars
on the front lawns.

Your second cousints
keep a bottle of Windex

in the liquor cabinet
for making, quote,

"Regina martinis."

Skids.

Dibs.

Wait! If by asking if
she's been dibs'd,

is that not technically
already dibsing?

- No.
- Anyhoo...

Base?

Half Clamato,
half V...8.

Added nutrition.
Uncharacteristic approach.

Booze?

Three ounces of gin,
Beefeater.

Gin Caesar - very
popular with the British.

Y' Peaky Blinders,

bruv innit?

Innit?
Matthew Crawley?

- Rimmer?
- Wet...

the rim with soya sauce

and dust it with celery
salt and lemon pepper.

Breaking new ground
here. Boosters?

Horseradish,
lemon juice...

Macarico
piri-piri sauce.

I'm intrigued.
Garnishes?

One Baffin Island
jumbo cocktail shrimp.

Ooh!

One Salt Spring Island
Dungeness crab leg.

And one Prince Edward Island
Malpeque Oyster!

Yeah!

Jimmy Dickens?

Yes, ma'am.
Tally-ho!

Tally those bananas,
here we go.

Alright, now, we're looking at
how many hands in the air?

We got one hand right here.
We like one, two. Two.

We got four over here.
Lookin' at five. Five. Five.

Lookin' at six. Six.
In the bathroom over there,

seein' one over
there in the bathroom.

Lookin' at urinals over there,
we got two in the urinals.

Minus two in the urinals--

15 over here,
if we count Linda. 15.

Well, Liza...

I think we've done
all the dickering we can

on the fine points here.

I think
you're right, McMartin.

- What's your price?
- The one on the sticker.

- 32,5?
- As I recall.

29,5.

I hope you don't think

I'm gonna meet you
in the middle here.

- Out the door.
- Out the door?

- Out the door.
- 29,5 out the door?

29,5 out the door.

I do like
that sticker price.

Well, there is an awful
lotta wear and tear

on a gal
over 80,000 klicks.

Good thing it's not
quite at 80,000 klicks.

But it is almost
at 80,000 klicks.

Good thing it's covered
under warranty

through 100,000 klicks.

- 30 out the door.
- 32 out the door.

Oh, come now,
youse knows and I knows

that you got it
at auction for low 20s.

I got it on a trade in
and I overpaid.

Not our problem.

If it's my problem,
it's your problem.

- 30 out the door.
- 32 out the door.

I'm holding firm at 30.

I'm sorry I couldn't
earn your business today.

Charlotte!

Cash deal.

- Cash?
- Cash.

Why didn't you say so?

I thought you'd ask.

If it's cash, I'll
do 30 out the door.

- 29,5 out the door.
- 30 out the door,

and I'll go see the
decision-maker right now.

29,5 out the door

and I'll go see the
decision-maker right now.

LISA
Who can blame you?

No one loves drunk driving
like the French.

Hmm.

You didn't think I'd let
that one go, did you?

Maybe the decision-maker
agrees with me.

Your assistant's been slipping
into her French all day.

Clearly a
Québécois accent.

If she's the
decision-maker's niece,

the decision-maker most likely
has some Québécois in her, too.

Charlotte! Ta tante
parle français, hein?

Deal.

29,5.

Didn't need
you here, McMerkley.

Charlotte!

You know, I wasn't sure

until she leaned
on her desk there,

but that woman is
not wearing a bra.

Your second cousint

switched to paper straws
for hoovering schneef

and referred to it as
"going green."

I didn't actually
wants to bring this up

because it upsets
me so much,

but it was clear, from
the residues on the case,

that your second
cousints been using

my favourite
Canadian albums

for hoovering
schneefs off of.

- Which one?
- Chantal Kreviazuk.

"Surrounded"
is a generational song!

Ooh...

That is the finest looking
Caesar I've seen in a minute.

Base.

100% Clamato juice.

Keeping it Canadian.
Booze?

2.5 ounces vodka,
0.5 ounces moonshine.

Ooh...

Bold. Rimmer?

Wet rim with
Louisiana Hot Sauce.

Dust it with Old Bay
Seasoning and Cajun spice.

My oh my.
Boosters?

Slappy Mama
Hot Sauce.

'Kay.

Spicy horseradish.

And you gotta have that
spicy garlic dill pickle juice.

- Ooh!
- Yes.

We may have a new
fan favourite here.

And finally...
garnishes.

Jalapeno stuffed olives,

and a spicy
dill pickle, and...

A slab of black pepper
habanero beef jerky.

I really like
beef jerky.

That's every hand up.

We've got
a winner, everybody.

You're drinkin'
free tonight, Bonno.

Hold it now.
Hey now.

Final tally is not
yet official now.

Go on now.

Cue Ball Lawless,

how many hands up
are up currently?

- Looks like about 15!
- 15!

How many hands
up were up

when you tallied
the hicks?

- 15!
- 15!

And Broadway Olson,
how many hands up

were up when you tallied
the hockey players?

- 15.
- 15.

Skids total tally
also tallied 15,

making this
a 4-way tie -

15, 15, 15, 15.

Well, everybody
loves a Caesar, boys.

Can't see a Caesar
and not want a seize 'er.

That's actually
how they market Caesars.

Everyone gets
a free Caesar.

♪ Take all of the time ♪

♪ You've got in your mind
and try to revive... ♪

I saw my second cousint

garnish her Caesar
with a dart.

No.

It's a true story.

I once saw
my second cousint

rim his Caesars
with MsDMAs.

- No.
- True stories.

Oh, yeah?
Well, my second cousint

says the Leafs
win the true cup

every year they don't have
a Russian on the team.

Oh, yeah? My aunts joined us
for New Year's Eve

ponds hockey last years
and called me a pussies

'cause I wouldn'ts drops
the gloves with her.

Oh, yeah?

Well, my second cousint's
got a salad bowl

filled to the brim
with cigarette butts.

Oh, yeah?
My second cousint's

got a Big Gulp filled to
the brim with chew spits.

How are ya now?

I'm pert' near positive,

the smell
of McMurray's breath

has attached itself
to the upholstery.

Mm.

- Thanks for checking in.
- You're welcome.

You alright?

No reason not to trust you
till you give me one, bud.

Well...

feel like dancin'?

Nah.
Let's go home.

♪ Sometimes it feels like
everyone is still ♪

♪ Is telling me
what's the truth ♪

♪ Sometimes it feels like
everything real ♪

♪ Is not what you're
supposed to do ♪

♪ Sometimes the way
the things that they say... ♪