All language subtitles for Letterkenny.S09E03.Scorched.Earth.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

Your pal ran into your
old flame the other day...

- Who?
- Angie.
- Who? Oh.

- She was actin' different.
- How was she's acting
different?

I don't think you wanna know
how she was acting different.

Wait.

Now, was she
acting different

like I think she was
acting different?

She was acting different
exactly like you think
she was acting different.

Oh, cripes! So, she was
acting different just like--

She was acting different like
somebody who's gone traveling

for the first time
and then come home

and is acting
different.

Ugh!

Is there
anything worse?

Still born puppies...

and nothing else.

This might be the worst
case I've ever seen.

Ugh.

So, she's speaking

with a bit of
an accent then, Dary?

She came home speaking with
a wee bit of an accent then?

Is it now
like every statement ends

like it's a
question then, Dary?

Everything she says is
like it's a fucking
question then, innit?

- Innit?
- D'you know what I mean?

She using words like
cheeky and bugger?

Why, you cheeky bugger,
then, Dary.

Oi, Dary,
you cheeky bugger,

I haven't seen you
in bloody minute, 'ave I?

- Haven't I!
- Has she gone mad?

- Is she knackered?
- Do y'know what I mean?

Is she saying things to you
like, "Cheers, ring me, yeah?"

No,
she did not say "ring you".

D'you know what I mean?

Are you bothered?

- I'm not bothered.
- Aren't you?

- Innit?
- Do you?
- Don't I?

- Do we?
- D'you know what I mean?

So, she watches TV
on the telly then, yeah?

Yeah. And her apartment
is now referred to
as her flat, yeah?

And instead
of waiting in line,

she's waiting in
the queue now, yeah?

She's waiting in the queue
for the tube now, yeah?

She's waiting in the queue
for the pub now, yeah?

waiting in the queue at
the pub for a pint then, yeah?

- D'you know what I mean?
- Now, has she done
'Eye-beetha'?

Yeah, Dary,
has she done 'Ih-Beetza'?

- 'Oi-beefa'.
- Has she done
'Bah-tha-lowna'?

Yeah, Dary, has she
done 'Bawf-a-rowna'?

- 'Baw-tha-luna'.
- 'Biffininna'.

- D'you know what I mean?
- Has she done 'Buda-pesht'?

Yeah, Dary,
has she done 'Shrlanka'?

Is she 'Shr-Lankan'?

Has she done 'Mel-bun'?

Not 'Mel-bern' because
it's pronounced 'Mel-bun'.

- 'Mel-bun'.
- D'you know what I mean?

And she only watches
foreign features now, yeah?

It's like, did she
stay off the beaten path

or did she go to
where it's touristy, right?

Cuz you don't wanna go to
where it's too touristy,
d'y'know what I mean?

All she's done is hostels
and backpacks and Kiwis!

- The BBC.
- It was like she
photographed in,

like, a cage with, like,
a sedated tiger, innit?

I've written a bloody
travel blog, haven't I.

The BBC 3.

And it's like did she
get a little shlog,

get a little fix, if she's
a little fit, innit.

It's like, there is comedy
and then,

there is British comedy,
you fucking bell-end.

It's like them Yanks
sew the Canadian flags

up on their backpacks
what when they go backpackins

cuz, you know, everyone
loves them Canadians, yeah?

I've hand rolled me
cigarettes, haven't I!

ALL
Pull your finger
outta your ass!

♪ I've been there,
done that, messed around ♪

♪ I'm having fun
don't put me down ♪

♪ I'll never let you
sweep me off my feet ♪

♪ I won't let you
in again ♪

♪ The messages
I've tried to send ♪

♪ My information's
just not going in ♪

♪ Burning bridges
shore to shore ♪

♪ I'll break away
from something more ♪

♪ I'm not turned on to
love until it's cheap ♪

♪ Been there, done that,
messed around ♪

♪ I'm having fun,
don't put me down ♪

♪ I'll never let you
sweep me off my feet ♪

♪ This time, baby,
I'll be... ♪

♪ Bulletproof ♪

♪ This time, baby,
I'll be... ♪

♪ Bulletproof ♪

♪ This time, baby,
I'll be... ♪

♪ Bulletproof ♪

♪ This time, baby,
I'll be... ♪

♪ Bulletproof ♪

♪ This time... ♪

- How're ya now?
- Good 'n you?

- Not s'bad.
- Where was yous?

Goin' scorched
Earth, boys.

- Had me a date.
- Well, how'd it go, Katy-Kat?

Almost not worth
talkin' about.

Swing, batta batta!

And the old boy
strikes out.

And the side retires.

More like stunk out.

- Is that what he did?
- The dude was... ripe.

- Is that what he was?
- Bit spicy.

- Like... an odour?
- A smell.

Well, type of dude
who smells like

he wants to be
left alone, eh?

Well, how bad?

- Y'know Schmellies?
- Can confirm.

- Take that.
- 'Kay.
- Now double it.

- Hm.
- So you skedaddled ?

Well, if you smell gamey,
you ain't gonna lay me.

- Well...
- If you want to hit a base,

at least air out the place.

- Fair.
- Not fair.

What if, like me,

his smells are something
of an occupational hazard?

And that's nothing to feels
ashamed about, Dary.

Some smells just stick.

Well, if you're married
to your fuckin' barn
clothes, yeah.

I made a commitment
to date local

and I expected a few
coarse edges, but still wash.

You gotta wash.

You gotta
Walla Walla Washington.

You gotta George Washington.

You've gotta
George Washington Carver.

- Carver?
- Hardly knew 'er.

Yeah, that dude didn't wash.
First date, too.

A first impression's
a lasting one.

- Well, to be fair...
- To be fair.

- To be fair.
- To be fair.

To be fair,

another way of looking
at the situation is that,

perhaps, the stress of
it being a first date

is precisely what caused
that unfortunates aromas.

- Yeah, the nervous sweats.
- Yous two are soft on crime.

- It happens.
- It always happens.

Have you met
devil's advocate Dan?

Okay, well,

the nervous sweats are
better than the meat sweats.

Oh, could've very easily
have been the meat sweats.

No, that's
an old wives tale.

No, it isn't.

Meat sweats is
a real phenomenon

or something
like a phenomenon.

The Swedes did
a study on it.

Bet the Swedes hammer
a lotta meatballs, eh?

Swedes probably hammer
the most meatballs.

Yous are meatballs.

One trip to IKEA and
everyone's a fucking expert.

What if it was
the vintage tee sweats?

- What?
- Well, what's say you buy

a tee shirt at
a vintage store.

Some other nut sack,
or nut sacks,

have previously owned
and worn the tee shirt,

and they have perspired
in it, and then,

when you perspire, their
stink rises to the top.

- Ugh...
- Pretty gnar,
but here we are.

- Pretty Paul Gross.
- If you're nauseous,
be cautious.

D'you wanna know what?
I don't care if it's
the nervous sweats

or the meat seats or
the vintage tee sweats.

Thanks! Thank you.

There's something
that Mom and Dad

shoulda drilled into you a
long time ago - wash.

- Wash.
- Born to judge.

- Well, I'm outta here.
- Wheres you off to nows?

I've got
my two o'clock.

- Your two o'clock what?
- Date.

- Another ones?
- How many dates
you goin' on?

- Today?
- Holy fuck.

- Three.
- Three whole dates?

I'm goin'
scorched Earth, boys.

What's the need for going on
three dates in one day?

Dary...

if you can be one thing,
you should be efficient.

She's right.

Must be
fuckin' nice.

Dream notch
on the bedpost, boys.

We've already
played this.

- Animated edition, buddy.
- In.

Cartoon character
you'd most like to smash.

Daxie, go.

- Fred Flintstone.
- Why?

Never wears pants.
That's a head start
I can get behind and would.

- Barney's in the same camp.
- Flintstone's were the
inaugural Village People.

- That's so hot.
- That's so fuckin' hot.

- Let's fuck a village person.
- I'll fuck a village person.

- Let's fuck a whole village.
- I'll fuck some villagers.
- We'll have a gay old time.

- Reilly, go.
- Ariel.

- The Little Mermaid?
- She's not that little.

Besides, Prince Eric
would never

smash a mermaid
that was too little.

Not the Prince Eric
I know.

She's like 16
in the movie.

Well, according to the film's
official novelization,

Prince Eric was eighteen.
so he's good...

in most states?

Any concern for the
very likely fishy smell?

- None whatsoever.
- Jonesy, go.

Maid Marian from Disney's
rendition of Robin Hood.

She's foxy, bro.

Oh, super foxy!

Which is not surprising,

considering she is
literally a fox!

Where's Gailer?

Well, it's supposed
to be a secret,

but since you've basically
already guessed it,

Gail is out of action because
Gail is gettin' some action.

You mean that old goat's
wandered into the horse pen?

- You said it, not me.
- Who's the stud?

- It's a super secret.
- Okay, buddy.

It's under the
classified cone, Jonesy.

- A little space, spasiba.
- No worries, Glenski.

I will not tell tales
out of school, Reilly.

Honestly, you've become
relentless. I don't like it.

It's not a good look on you.
It's not a good colour.

- I'm happy for her.
- You too, now?

Listen, I cannot handle
this pressure, gentleman.

It's gonna make me crumble,
crumble like

the beautiful Greek statue
that I kind of am.

- End of discussion then.
- Oh! Fine!

Since you were talking about
cartoon takedowns,

let's put it this way,

if Gail's takedown were a
cartoon character,

he'd be Woody from
Toy Story, one through four.

But that's all you're
getting outta Glen.

That's it. Zip it up.
Fort Knox. Nothing more!

It's 'cause
he's tall, lanky

and wears cowboy hat,
goodness gracious.

He talks real fast.
I mean, real fast,

but that's all the auction--
Oh, Glen...

All the action that I will
participate in! Enough!

Jimmy Dick-skin?

Is as tall lying down
as he is standing up.

I heard that
from the horse's mouth.

But that's the end
of this conversation.

It's a three-hander.
Okay?

But that's it.
Goodbye!

Fine! It's the length
of a chair leg

and the girth
of a coffee mug.

Are you happy now? I cannot
keep talking about this!

Okay, he's quite tall,
so if he's standing
straight up--

I'm just trying to do
a little math here--

and his horn
is a high jump bar

I think it's set
at about a meter-twenty.

- Glen...
- Bonnie, I'm trying!

Listen, I'm at work
right now.

I'm trying to
finish my shift here.

Do you think I want to stand
around here all day,

when I'm supposed
to be working, but instead

I'm talking about my employer
and her personal life,

and how Jim Dickens' horn
could double as
a pull-up bar?

I don't like any part
of this, gentlemen!

Glen!

Fine! We're done!
We're done!

And, Bonnie, enough.
And we're done.

Enough and enough!

Do you guys think
Jimmy Dick-skin

can, like, suck
his own wiener?

And the small town
rumour mill begins to churn.

When was the last
time you tried?

- How're you now?
- Good 'n' you?

- Not so bad.
- That was quick.

That was one was better...
but still a bust.

Swing, batta batta.

Good cut.
Good cut.

Caught a nice
piece of it,

but still foul...
smelling?

Foul was not the issue
this time around.

Good. Wash.

- He had summer teeth.
- What's summer teeth?

Pretty good
Wilcos album.

Summer' here.
Some are there.

And you don't
like that, eh?

Duh.

- How bad's we talkins?
- Bad.

How bad?

Summer' inside
his mouth

and summer' not
inside his mouth anymore.

See, I got, uh...

I got a wee bit
of time for that.

- Pardon?
- Yeah, you know,

likes as long
as they're cleans.

- No, they weren't.
- Oh, yeah, no.
Fuck that. No.

- God, no.
- He a flosser?

Did not appear
to have flossed. No.

But, I mean...

nobody really flosses.

Right?

Are yous fuckin'
with me?

Here's all I'm saying -
is there's a lot of super,

mega babes out
there who have

what some might call
imperfect teeth.

- Like who?
- Jessica Pare.

- Anna Paquins.
- Madonna.

Mick Jagger's daughter
Georgia May Jagger.

- Vanessa Paradis.
- Jewel.

And don't forget Dutch
supermodel Lara Stone.

But you guys
like that?

Look, here's the thing
and I'm gonna tell ya -

what's a person
without imperfections?

Yeah, I like a little bit
of au naturel.

Professor Tricia calls it
flaws of the Kardashian
generations -

young womens refuse
to accept their
perfect imperfections.

Personally, I like a dude
with straight teeth.

To each his
or her own.

Well, I'm sorrys.

I didn't realize
we was talkings

to the Queen of
fuckin' Englands!

- We should all be so lucky!
- Yeah, must be fuckin' nice!

- I'm outta here.
- Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Katys.

Oh, yeah. Sorry 'bout that.
Didn't mean to shout

- n' make ya leave or anything.
- Sorry too, Katy-Kat.

To each his or her own.

But I'm only leaving because
I've got my third date.

Scorched Earth, boys.

Oh! Must be
fuckin' nice!

So...

- So...
- So...

You guys hear Gail ordered
a Chipotle Chimichanga?

Yeah. Heard it was
smoked meat with an
extra-large pickle.

- Still not bigger
than Stewart's.
- Roald...

Just so we're
crystal clear here,

you guys heard
Jim Dickens fucked Gailer?

- What?
- We heard Gailer
fucked Jim Dickens.

- Steamy.
- Sordid.

- Squalid.
- Gail lassoed a cowboy.

You guys hear
Chipotle Chimichanga?

- Double stuffed.
- That's good.

How big is
that exactly?

Take a Chipotle
Chimichanga...

- Yeah.
- Now double it.

I'm not a math guy.

- Still not bigger
than Stewart's.
- Roald.

I heard Gail rode that
sturdy steed till sunrise.

- I heard the stallion
never petered off.
- Giddy-up.

I've never thought about Jim
Dickens like that before,

but now I fear
I may never stop.

Well, I think
Jim Dickens

is all that most people are
thinking about tonight.

Did I just get
a text from Gail? Yes.

Did she use the raindrop
emoji in reference
to her womanhood?

Maybe. Did you hear
any of this from Glen? No!

The small town
rumour mill is a-churnin'.

I think I'd like to start
going on dates, like Katy.

- Attaboy.
- With a local gal.

This long distance
relationship's too much
fuckin' work.

Like to meet
a gal from Letterkenny.

Since it's been
a topics of conversations,

may I gently suggest

that if you're about
to re-enter the dating games,

that you steps up
your hygiene games.

What are ya talking
about "my hygiene game"?

Get outta your
fuckin' barn clothes, bud!

I need a Gus N' Bru.

Batta batta swing?

Didn't even make it
into the batter's box.

He's outta there.

You know, three losses
is a slump.

Well, two's a slump,
but that's splittin' hairs.

Dating sucks.

Must be fuckin' nice.

He was a crotch
scratcher, Dary.

That is typical batter's box
behaviour, though.

What kind of
a crotch scratcher?

There's more than one type
of crotch scratcher?

Yes.

The most popular
being the pocket scratch,

in which you pretend you're
searching for your change

or keys and then...
the pocket scratch.

- 'Kay.
- Then, there's the sits
and wiggle scratch.

Well, how does that one go?

That's when a guy keeps
adjusting his chair

for no apparent
reason whatsoever

so that he can distract from
what he's really doing,

which was the sits
and wiggle scratch.

I've never seen
a guy do that.

DAN, WAYNE:
Yes, you have.

And then,
there's the lesser known

"Hey, look over there"
scratcher.

I'm exhausted.

Katy, how long
has that photo of you

been up on the fridge
over there for?

Which?

You just scratched
yourself, didn't you?

Well, I'm never
gonna tell.

Well, this guy didn't
even trying to hide it.

He was just givin 'er!

Ah, the old
'fuck you' scratch.

Were you on
a date with a degen?

I don't understand ball
scratchin' on dates.

What are you six?
Don't pull your puddin'!

In all fairness, that's a two
way street there,

Miss Katys, 'cause I've seen
more than my share

of ladies doing
the pocket pinchin'.

- Yeah, don't pick your poon.
- Pardon?

- I said, don't pick your--
- Piss off!

Dart?

Whoa.

That is juicy.

So...
to MoDean's?

I'd have a dart!

Bonnie!
Turn that down!

Heard some talk
that people been talkin'.

It's okay.

I'm the first gal from town
to take down Jim Dickens.

He's always fancied
girls from Donegal,

where I'm heard he's referred
to as the Donegal Ripper.

He's a mystery
around here... till now.

How big is Dick-skin?

Take a roll
of paper towel.

Take all the paper towel
off of it

'til yer left with just
the cardboard tubing

inside the roll.

- Got it?
- Yeah.

- Now double it.
- Yeah.

Know how
I'm near sighted?

Yeah.

Dick-skin got behind me
at one point.

His horn's so long
I needed my glasses

to see what he
was up to back there.

- Still not as big
as Stewart--
- Roald!

At one point, Dick-skin
scooped me up by my bum,

like Vin Diesel
in the original

Fast & Furious movie
motion picture.

Okay.

He's so tall,

it was the equivalent
of riding an elevator

up one and
a half stories,

with one hundred and
a half times the danger.

Is it hard for anyone
else to picture Dickens

doing anything but
fast-talking auctioneering?

Who said there was no
fast-talk auctioneering?!

Fuck off.

"Can I get a dip,
one dip, dip?

"Can I get an ass in the air
like I just don't care?

"Oh!

"Fuckin' Gail
everywhere.

"Fuckin' Gail.
Fuckin' Gail here, here.

"Goin' once,
goin' once--"

Would you like
to go twice...

...Gailer?

Jim Dick-skins.
Didn't see you come in there.

- Didn't ya not really?
- No. Why?!

Well, he's a c-hair shy
of seven feet tall is all.

These are for you.
I picked them myself.

Aww...

Huh. Smells nice.

How would you like
to pick another flower?

Buy me a beer first?

'Kay.

I'd put it on your tab,
but I can't seem to find it.

Maybe we should
just start a new one.

Is anyone else thinking
what I'm thinking?

Free beer if
you smash Gailer?

No. Two people
from the same town,

together and happy...
it's kinda rare.

Big take away, there is
no one dateable in this town.

Yeah, well, I mean,
what about...

No. There's no one
dateable in this town.

- Well, there is--
- No.

There is no one
dateable in this town!

Do you agree
with that, Bonnie?

Buncha' stinkers
and scratchers, really.

It's just no one new or exotic
ever comes into town.

Like what's it going to
take for some sexy Brit

to come in here and charm me
with that accent?

Angie?

Oh, please do
excuse me, yeah?

I've been abroad for so long,
I'm barely recognizable,

d'you know what I mean?

Where does the queue begin
for a pint at this pub?

I've drank nearly
nothing but Guinness

since Dublin, haven't I?

Oh. Do you
take euros here?

Pull your finger
outta your ass.

♪ I'm known for
running my mouth ♪

♪ I'm known for
running my... ♪

♪ I'm known for
running my mouth ♪

♪ I'm known for
running my... ♪

♪ I'm known for
running my mouth ♪

♪ I'm known for
running my... ♪

♪ I'm known for
running my mouth ♪

♪ I will not be accountable
for what comes out ♪

♪ I'm known for
running my mouth ♪

♪ I'm known for
running my... ♪

♪ I'm known for
running my mouth ♪

♪ I'm known for
running my... ♪

♪ I'm known for
running my mouth ♪

♪ I'm known for
running my... ♪

♪ I'm known for
running my mouth ♪

♪ I'm known for
running my... ♪

♪ I'm known for
running my mouth ♪

♪ I'm known for
running my... ♪

♪ I'm known for
running my mouth ♪

♪ I'm known for
running my... ♪

♪ I'm known for
running my mouth ♪

♪ I'm known for
running my... ♪

♪ I'm known for
running my mouth ♪

♪ I'm known for
running my... ♪

♪ I'm known for
running my mouth ♪

♪ I'm known for
running my... ♪

♪ I'm known for
running my mouth ♪

♪ I'm known for
running my... ♪

♪ I'm known for
running my mouth ♪

♪ I will not be accountable
for what comes out ♪

I'm known for
running my... ♪