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1
00:00:09,551 --> 00:00:11,970
You know what?
I'm gettin' a little bit
sick of this set up.
2
00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:13,304
When a friend
asks for help,
3
00:00:13,304 --> 00:00:14,639
you helps 'em,
good buddies.
4
00:00:14,639 --> 00:00:16,432
Yeah, but we've
got people calling
5
00:00:16,432 --> 00:00:18,517
from a half dozen
townships there,
Squirrelly D.
6
00:00:18,517 --> 00:00:20,477
We don't even know
half of these nut sacks.
7
00:00:20,477 --> 00:00:22,020
Now, if I know you, Wayne,
8
00:00:22,020 --> 00:00:24,733
and I'm 100% sure
I would like to get to
know you better,
9
00:00:24,733 --> 00:00:26,776
you'd rather be at home
doing some toe curlin'
10
00:00:26,776 --> 00:00:28,319
with your little
Anne Parillaud.
11
00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:30,279
Butt-fuckin'
bucket-load of things
12
00:00:30,279 --> 00:00:31,865
I'd rather
be doin', good buddy.
13
00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:33,032
Game time.
14
00:00:33,032 --> 00:00:34,700
Ooh! Car!
15
00:00:34,700 --> 00:00:36,745
'Cause that's when
they play hockey...
16
00:00:37,578 --> 00:00:38,954
Fine, game on.
17
00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:51,550
Okay, let's Crack An Ag.
Three, two, one.
18
00:00:51,550 --> 00:00:53,343
Yeah, well...
Welcome to Crack An Ag.
19
00:00:53,343 --> 00:00:54,345
And bet you
can't, so...
20
00:00:54,345 --> 00:00:55,721
McMurray's on the line.
21
00:00:55,721 --> 00:00:56,806
Fuck sakes.
22
00:00:56,806 --> 00:00:58,390
He says it's an emergency.
23
00:00:58,390 --> 00:01:00,351
So much for that blacklist.
Wait, am I still on that?
24
00:01:00,351 --> 00:01:01,810
McMurray's
a piece of shit.
25
00:01:01,810 --> 00:01:03,062
Should I let him through?
26
00:01:03,187 --> 00:01:05,398
We kinda have to now,
good buddies.
Okay.
27
00:01:05,523 --> 00:01:06,940
He says that
he's here at the studio,
28
00:01:07,065 --> 00:01:08,151
but the doors are locked.
29
00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:11,071
Oh! I can just go
let him in myself. Oh.
30
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,571
I'm coming,
blacklist buddy!
31
00:01:12,696 --> 00:01:13,822
Buck futter.
32
00:01:13,822 --> 00:01:15,241
Eh, when a friend
asks you for help...
33
00:01:15,366 --> 00:01:16,283
Get off his dick, Dan.
34
00:01:18,744 --> 00:01:20,830
Wayne.
McMurray,
how are you now?
35
00:01:20,830 --> 00:01:23,083
Good and you. Not so bad.
Good and you.
And I knew that you were.
36
00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:24,417
Pitter-patter.
37
00:01:25,667 --> 00:01:28,837
I have some life-altering
news for youse.
38
00:01:28,837 --> 00:01:30,923
Well, we've got
about a half dozen
townships watching,
39
00:01:30,923 --> 00:01:32,217
so, hope it's not
too personal.
40
00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:35,011
Shh. I, McMurray,
41
00:01:35,011 --> 00:01:39,807
have a 5.15 inch penis.
42
00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:42,768
What?
43
00:01:42,768 --> 00:01:44,687
I, McMurray,
have a 5.15...
44
00:01:44,687 --> 00:01:46,980
We heard you.
45
00:01:46,980 --> 00:01:49,109
Why is this news
that you are telling us?
46
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,735
Because, because,
47
00:01:50,735 --> 00:01:51,944
I've spent my entire life
48
00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:55,615
thinking that I had
a 4.15 inch penis.
49
00:01:55,740 --> 00:01:57,867
So, you're essentially
fuckin' with a Snickers bar.
50
00:01:57,867 --> 00:01:59,576
Girth is the question mark.
What changed?
51
00:02:00,452 --> 00:02:01,830
Did I say that?
52
00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:03,289
I was listening
to Howard Stern
this morning and...
53
00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:04,623
See, that's another
thing I miss doing
54
00:02:04,623 --> 00:02:05,874
when we're here
all the time, fuck.
55
00:02:05,874 --> 00:02:06,959
Hit 'em with the Hein!
56
00:02:06,959 --> 00:02:09,504
Hit 'em with the Hein.
And I learnt
57
00:02:09,504 --> 00:02:12,506
that I have been
measuring my penis incorrectly
58
00:02:12,506 --> 00:02:15,260
since the time
I first measured it
as an adolescent.
59
00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:16,719
How did you fuck that up?
60
00:02:16,719 --> 00:02:19,054
I'm glad you asked, Katy.
Ugh.
61
00:02:19,054 --> 00:02:21,558
I measure
my penis every year,
62
00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:23,141
once a year on Boxing Day.
63
00:02:23,141 --> 00:02:24,977
Well, how come
it's on Boxing Day?
64
00:02:24,977 --> 00:02:27,272
Oh, because that's when
Mrs. McMurray's family leaves
65
00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:28,814
after a week-long stay
for the holidays,
66
00:02:28,939 --> 00:02:30,274
giving us a chance to...
67
00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:32,485
Exchange gifts.
68
00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:33,695
Holy fuck.
69
00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:36,154
Now, I pray to the good
Lord Jesus above
70
00:02:36,154 --> 00:02:38,867
every year at Christmas Eve
at midnight mass,
71
00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:41,535
"Please, Lord,
let me wake up,
72
00:02:41,660 --> 00:02:42,953
"let this year be the year
73
00:02:42,953 --> 00:02:44,831
"that I give Mrs. McMurray
a little something extra."
74
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,123
Fuckin' Catholics.
75
00:02:46,123 --> 00:02:48,959
And yet, every year
on Boxing Day,
76
00:02:48,959 --> 00:02:53,422
I pull the tape out
and... 4.15 inches.
77
00:02:53,422 --> 00:02:55,842
So, you're essentially
fuckin' with
a three-quarter Rolo.
78
00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:57,427
Girth is still
the question mark.
79
00:02:57,427 --> 00:02:59,678
Glen, you have no one
to blame but yourself now.
80
00:02:59,678 --> 00:03:02,849
I've been measuring
my penis wrong!
My entire life!
81
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,516
How did you manage
to fluff that up?
82
00:03:04,641 --> 00:03:07,187
As Mrs. McMurray goes
and gets her Christmas
lingerie on,
83
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,897
I lie myself in bed
and I get myself
good and hard.
84
00:03:10,022 --> 00:03:11,940
Not a little hard.
Good and hard.
85
00:03:11,940 --> 00:03:13,318
So, fully torqued, then?
86
00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:15,236
Full bars.
Full Snickers bars.
87
00:03:15,236 --> 00:03:16,612
Holy fuck.
88
00:03:16,612 --> 00:03:18,740
I prop lil' Mac
down like so,
89
00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,700
and I lay the tape
along him like so,
90
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,034
so he's pointing outwards.
91
00:03:22,034 --> 00:03:24,953
So, uh, ninety degrees,
out like that?
92
00:03:24,953 --> 00:03:26,247
Exactly, Dary.
93
00:03:26,247 --> 00:03:27,457
Then I take the tape
94
00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:30,167
and I press it firmly
against my pubic bone,
95
00:03:30,167 --> 00:03:32,045
and then I lay her down
on top of lil' Mac.
96
00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:35,589
And?
And 4.15 inches.
97
00:03:35,714 --> 00:03:37,759
That's some balls,
advertising that there, bud.
98
00:03:38,426 --> 00:03:40,344
Balls! Exactly.
99
00:03:40,344 --> 00:03:43,306
What the actual fuck
are you talking about,
McMurray?
100
00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:44,724
I learnt on Stern today
101
00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:46,391
that you're not
exposed to measure
102
00:03:46,391 --> 00:03:49,479
from your pubic bone
to the tip of your penis
on the top side.
103
00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:52,731
You are, in fact, exposed
to measure from your balls
104
00:03:52,731 --> 00:03:54,984
to the tip of your penis
on the underside.
105
00:03:54,984 --> 00:03:57,403
Are you sure?
Well, you don't argue
with Stern.
106
00:03:57,403 --> 00:04:00,197
This, the correct
mode of measurement,
107
00:04:00,197 --> 00:04:02,200
gives me one additional inch
108
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,493
and, by clinical definition,
109
00:04:04,493 --> 00:04:08,205
a 100% average-sized penis
110
00:04:08,205 --> 00:04:13,628
at 5.15 inches!
111
00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,421
I don't think
I've ever seen anyone
112
00:04:15,421 --> 00:04:17,423
be so excited
to be average.
113
00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:19,592
I don't think that method
of measurement is accurate.
114
00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:20,760
Well,
if Stern said it...
115
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,094
He didn't say
Stern says it.
116
00:04:22,219 --> 00:04:23,428
He says he
heards it on Sterns.
117
00:04:23,428 --> 00:04:25,765
Hit 'em with the Hein!
118
00:04:25,765 --> 00:04:26,933
I can google it.
119
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,976
Let's open
the phone lines for this.
120
00:04:29,101 --> 00:04:30,270
Open the lines.
121
00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:33,397
JD Williams from
Wallace Township.
You're on.
122
00:04:33,397 --> 00:04:35,608
McMurray's
a piece of shit.
Huh?
123
00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:38,277
What kind of kife
measuring is that?
124
00:04:38,277 --> 00:04:41,531
How do you keep a straight-up
dime-piece like Mrs. McMurray
125
00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:43,282
with that pedestrian effort?
126
00:04:43,282 --> 00:04:45,493
You're essentially
fuckin' her
with a Twinkie.
127
00:04:45,493 --> 00:04:47,120
Good one.
128
00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:49,789
Girth would still be
the question... Oh, Glen!
129
00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,291
Fuck you!
130
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:55,044
Uh, John Heinmiller
from Elma township,
you're on.
131
00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:57,046
Hah,
why am I not surprised
132
00:04:57,046 --> 00:04:59,548
you can't even figure out
how to measure your own dick,
133
00:04:59,548 --> 00:05:00,967
you piece of shit.
134
00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:04,219
I am utterly baffled you got
a ring on Mrs. McMurray.
135
00:05:04,219 --> 00:05:07,140
You should be tried for
crimes against humanity.
136
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:08,433
This is a fuckin' ambush.
137
00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:12,310
Brent Zurbrigg
from Howick township.
You're on.
138
00:05:12,310 --> 00:05:13,645
Holy fuck, McMurray.
139
00:05:13,645 --> 00:05:15,315
Look at you shootin'
high stakes snooker
140
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,233
with a number two pencil
there, buddy.
141
00:05:17,233 --> 00:05:18,818
Why don't you go ahead
and tell your wife
142
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:20,320
I rock eight inches
in reality,
143
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,697
and nine if I measure
in your bunk-ass way.
144
00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:24,489
Holy fuck.
It's my fuckin' heart.
145
00:05:24,489 --> 00:05:27,327
It just breaks for that
fuckin' masterpiece.
146
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:30,912
My wife is a very
satisfied woman.
147
00:05:30,912 --> 00:05:35,168
Gary Hoskins from
Lucan Biddulph,
you're on.
148
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:38,378
Your wife is
blow-my-brains-out hot,
McMurray.
149
00:05:38,503 --> 00:05:41,591
I would literally cut off
my own arm to fuck her.
150
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:46,596
I would 127 Hours both
my arms to fuck your wife.
151
00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,096
How about I
cut 'em both off
152
00:05:48,096 --> 00:05:49,515
and stick 'em up
your ass, you fuckin'...
153
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:52,310
Sal Smith from
Huron-Kinloss. You're on.
154
00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:55,104
Hey,
I was sittin' here,
kinda sad for your wife
155
00:05:55,104 --> 00:05:56,938
'cause maybe she
doesn't know any better,
156
00:05:56,938 --> 00:05:58,858
but I'm roofing
with my friend, Richard,
157
00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:00,525
who fucked her in high school
158
00:06:00,525 --> 00:06:02,027
and he's a fuckin'
Dutchman, so...
159
00:06:02,027 --> 00:06:03,529
Hey, ask her
if she remembers
160
00:06:03,654 --> 00:06:05,031
Richard Van Den Berg,
McMurray.
161
00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:07,116
I took her
to semi-formal in '03,
162
00:06:07,116 --> 00:06:09,868
and then took her down
in my dad's Oldsmobile.
163
00:06:09,868 --> 00:06:13,121
Patricia Marie Shuli
from Georgian Bluffs.
You're on.
164
00:06:13,121 --> 00:06:16,041
I fucked McMurray at
a buck and doe in Drayton,
165
00:06:16,166 --> 00:06:19,044
and four inches is
a criminal embellishment.
166
00:06:19,044 --> 00:06:20,337
Patti?
167
00:06:20,337 --> 00:06:22,005
McMurray, if you were
ten off the tee,
168
00:06:22,005 --> 00:06:25,385
I still wouldn't golf
with you. Fuckin' end it.
169
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,844
I think I might have
a wee bit more time
170
00:06:27,844 --> 00:06:29,096
for Crack An Ag.
171
00:06:29,221 --> 00:06:32,558
Ronnie Schroeder
from Woolwich. You're on.
172
00:06:32,683 --> 00:06:35,560
McMurray,
get the fuck out of the way
173
00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:37,813
with that peasant cock,
you fuckin' novice.
174
00:06:37,813 --> 00:06:41,442
I would hand over
one of my kids
to suck all those tits.
175
00:06:41,442 --> 00:06:43,361
I'll go long dick style
176
00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:45,570
with your wife
all night long!
177
00:06:45,695 --> 00:06:47,197
Ooh. Ooh.
178
00:06:47,197 --> 00:06:49,616
It's an average-sized penis.
179
00:06:59,501 --> 00:07:01,128
How much?
Enough.
180
00:07:01,253 --> 00:07:02,380
Your grandma died.
181
00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:03,589
My Doda died.
Your Doda passed
182
00:07:03,589 --> 00:07:05,423
and left you with enough
money to buy the Eagles?
183
00:07:05,423 --> 00:07:07,008
Should I write it on
a fuckin' dry-erase board?
184
00:07:07,008 --> 00:07:09,262
Why do you want
to buy the team?
185
00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:11,096
I have cousins coming up
in minor hockey,
186
00:07:11,096 --> 00:07:12,431
and they're starting
to get in trouble now.
187
00:07:12,556 --> 00:07:13,724
They always used to
watch your team,
188
00:07:13,724 --> 00:07:14,724
but now, they just
don't really give a shit.
189
00:07:14,724 --> 00:07:16,685
And?
190
00:07:16,685 --> 00:07:19,229
And I want to use the money
to create a more exciting
environment at the games,
191
00:07:19,229 --> 00:07:21,524
and keep them
interested in hockey.
Why?
192
00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:23,984
'Cause kids in sports
stay off the fucking streets.
193
00:07:24,109 --> 00:07:25,652
You fuckin' bug me, dude.
194
00:07:25,777 --> 00:07:27,904
No.
No what?
195
00:07:27,904 --> 00:07:29,114
You cannot buy the Eagles.
196
00:07:29,114 --> 00:07:30,575
I'll go over your head.
197
00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:32,118
Will ya?
Money talks, baby.
198
00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:34,245
We're in first place.
Are you?
199
00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:35,912
So you can't
go over my head.
Why?
200
00:07:35,912 --> 00:07:37,582
'Cause W's talk, "baby."
201
00:07:43,628 --> 00:07:45,964
If I put together a team,
will you play us?
202
00:07:46,089 --> 00:07:49,426
If you put together a team,
will we play you?
203
00:07:49,426 --> 00:07:51,846
Should I write that
on the dry-erase board, too,
204
00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:53,181
you fuckin' basic?
205
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:54,474
We're mid-season.
206
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,308
You want me to ice
a first place team
207
00:07:56,433 --> 00:07:58,144
in a meaningless
exhibition game,
208
00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:00,313
and risk my guys
getting hurt for
the games that matter?
209
00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:03,190
Do you want me to use
the blue marker or
the black marker?
210
00:08:03,190 --> 00:08:04,442
Ooh. Red.
211
00:08:05,109 --> 00:08:07,236
Why would I do that?
212
00:08:07,236 --> 00:08:10,072
Because if I win,
you let me take over here.
213
00:08:10,072 --> 00:08:12,200
And if I win?
I'll suck your dick.
214
00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:15,870
Balls?
215
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:18,455
Deal.
216
00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:21,124
Auntie talks, baby.
217
00:08:22,167 --> 00:08:23,793
We'll see
about that, Auntie.
218
00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:29,216
What's up, Auntie?
219
00:08:31,051 --> 00:08:32,637
We're going to Letterkenny.
220
00:08:38,392 --> 00:08:39,435
What's up?
221
00:08:39,435 --> 00:08:40,853
Solo spin class.
222
00:08:40,978 --> 00:08:43,689
Healthy body,
healthy mind. I love it.
223
00:08:43,814 --> 00:08:47,026
Maximize every single...
224
00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:48,109
Second.
225
00:08:48,109 --> 00:08:49,152
I need a coach.
226
00:08:52,573 --> 00:08:54,200
You got one.
Fuckin' A.
227
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:55,243
For what?
228
00:08:57,661 --> 00:09:00,248
We're resurrecting
the Letterkenny Irish.
229
00:09:06,336 --> 00:09:07,254
What?
230
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:09,924
That team was dog shit.
231
00:09:11,883 --> 00:09:14,262
We're resurrecting
the Letterkenny Irish.
232
00:09:15,262 --> 00:09:17,013
I need my star players.
233
00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:18,766
Are you in?
234
00:09:18,766 --> 00:09:20,892
Yes!
235
00:09:20,892 --> 00:09:21,978
All right.
236
00:09:23,061 --> 00:09:24,397
The Letterkenny Irish
are back.
237
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:26,523
Not yet. We're gonna
need some finesse.
238
00:09:26,523 --> 00:09:28,066
We'll find you holes.
We'll get you deep.
239
00:09:28,066 --> 00:09:30,444
We know a thing or two
about bulging.
240
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:31,570
Twine.
241
00:09:31,570 --> 00:09:33,363
Daxi. Ronzy.
Tanzy.
242
00:09:33,363 --> 00:09:34,782
Never again.
Got you.
243
00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:37,118
All right, boys,
you're in.
244
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:38,953
Now we just need
some sandpaper.
245
00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:44,249
Tyson, Joint Boy,
got a sec?
246
00:09:44,249 --> 00:09:45,459
No.
247
00:09:46,459 --> 00:09:48,253
Will these guys do?
248
00:09:48,378 --> 00:09:50,046
These guys... I will do.
249
00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:52,425
Okay.
250
00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:54,009
So, the Letterkenny Irish
are back.
251
00:09:54,009 --> 00:09:55,094
Not yet.
252
00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:56,804
We got most of
the pieces in place.
253
00:09:56,804 --> 00:09:59,056
But we've only got
one shot at this.
254
00:09:59,056 --> 00:10:01,517
One chance. One win.
You know?
255
00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:02,935
Vomit on
your mom's spaghetti,
256
00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:05,186
or whatever that
talking singer says.
257
00:10:05,186 --> 00:10:07,897
None of these guys
have won a championship.
258
00:10:07,897 --> 00:10:09,734
We gotta find some people
that know how to win.
259
00:10:10,442 --> 00:10:11,609
Where do we find them?
260
00:10:11,609 --> 00:10:12,820
At the gym.
261
00:10:13,820 --> 00:10:16,073
But we were just there!
262
00:10:16,073 --> 00:10:19,410
They weren't there
when we were there!
263
00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:20,618
We were here
the whole time.
264
00:10:20,618 --> 00:10:21,704
Really?
265
00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:23,623
And we're inski.
Soda Popinski.
266
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,248
Can't wait to get back
out there, Betty-Anne.
267
00:10:25,248 --> 00:10:26,459
Been far too long,
Mary-Anne.
268
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,627
You won't be playing.
269
00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:28,753
Huh?
Huh?
270
00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:30,128
Huh.
You'll be coaching.
271
00:10:30,128 --> 00:10:31,254
Huh?
Huh?
272
00:10:31,254 --> 00:10:33,089
Hold up. How come
they can't they play?
273
00:10:35,843 --> 00:10:37,302
I'm just
fuckin' around.
274
00:10:37,302 --> 00:10:39,512
Same. Absolutely in
for telling men how
to do shit.
275
00:10:39,637 --> 00:10:41,931
Absolutely in for telling
men how to win shit.
276
00:10:42,349 --> 00:10:43,892
Phew.
277
00:10:43,892 --> 00:10:45,603
I thought we were
gonna have one of
those conversations,
278
00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:48,647
you know, where women
can do anything men can do.
279
00:10:48,647 --> 00:10:51,066
So stupid.
280
00:10:52,442 --> 00:10:53,819
That isn't
a conversation.
281
00:10:53,944 --> 00:10:55,820
Women can do
anything men can do.
282
00:10:55,820 --> 00:10:57,323
Women can do it better.
283
00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:58,657
Eh... No.
284
00:10:58,657 --> 00:11:01,160
No?
No.
285
00:11:01,285 --> 00:11:03,661
No?
No.
286
00:11:03,787 --> 00:11:06,331
No?
No.
287
00:11:06,456 --> 00:11:07,999
So, you're saying,
men are superior
to women?
288
00:11:07,999 --> 00:11:09,167
Yeah.
Yeah?
289
00:11:09,292 --> 00:11:11,711
Yeah.
Yeah?
290
00:11:11,836 --> 00:11:13,881
Yeah.
Yeah?
291
00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:15,007
Yeah.
Yeah?
292
00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:16,966
Yeah.
Explain.
293
00:11:18,301 --> 00:11:19,302
Come on...
294
00:11:19,302 --> 00:11:20,887
No, you come on.
295
00:11:20,887 --> 00:11:24,016
Come on.
You come on.
296
00:11:24,141 --> 00:11:25,350
Guys, come on.
297
00:11:25,350 --> 00:11:26,643
You come on!
298
00:11:26,643 --> 00:11:28,771
They're 120 pounds,
soaking wet,
299
00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:31,357
full stomachs,
pockets filled
with loonies and toonies.
300
00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:32,400
So?
301
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,527
So, senior
hockey players, men,
302
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:36,987
are up to 220 pounds. More.
303
00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:39,489
So?
That's 100 pounds more!
304
00:11:39,489 --> 00:11:41,867
So?
So they could get
killed out there.
305
00:11:41,992 --> 00:11:44,286
You will get
killed out there.
306
00:11:44,286 --> 00:11:45,745
You will die.
307
00:11:45,745 --> 00:11:47,540
Think that's something
to think about,
I think, huh?
308
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,333
Do you have
good relationships
with your mom?
309
00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:50,459
Yeah.
No.
310
00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:51,877
Well, better pick up
a phone and call her,
311
00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:52,878
'cause you're dead.
312
00:11:53,003 --> 00:11:54,839
'Cause you wanted
to play a game
313
00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:58,050
with men who are bigger
and faster than you.
314
00:11:58,175 --> 00:11:59,844
And faster?
Yeah.
315
00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:00,886
Yeah?
Yeah.
316
00:12:01,011 --> 00:12:03,305
Yeah?
Yeah. Yeah!
317
00:12:04,431 --> 00:12:06,724
Look, I watch
the Olympic games.
318
00:12:06,724 --> 00:12:08,560
All the events.
All of them.
319
00:12:08,685 --> 00:12:12,690
Every single one.
All right?
320
00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:15,234
When the Olympic games run,
all the events, every one,
321
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:19,113
every single one,
322
00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:21,574
the men's speeds,
results and times
323
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:25,076
eclipse the women's
speeds, results and times
324
00:12:25,076 --> 00:12:26,244
every time.
325
00:12:26,369 --> 00:12:27,662
Play us.
In what?
326
00:12:27,662 --> 00:12:30,248
Hockey.
Your team folded.
327
00:12:30,248 --> 00:12:31,416
The girls
are still around.
328
00:12:31,541 --> 00:12:32,709
The girls will love this.
329
00:12:32,709 --> 00:12:34,795
If you win,
we'll coach with you.
330
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,921
You're playing them.
Get the boys gelling.
331
00:12:36,921 --> 00:12:38,883
I want to test drive an idea
I have for the Rez game.
332
00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,133
Okay.
333
00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:41,801
No contact.
334
00:12:41,926 --> 00:12:44,262
I know.
335
00:12:44,262 --> 00:12:45,931
Don't want our guys
getting hurt out there.
336
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:47,599
Yeah, the guys.
337
00:12:47,599 --> 00:12:49,267
All right,
let's do this.
338
00:12:49,267 --> 00:12:50,935
You're going down.
339
00:12:50,935 --> 00:12:53,397
Oh, my God.
I'm so scared.
340
00:12:53,397 --> 00:12:54,565
Good.
341
00:12:55,900 --> 00:13:00,445
Your spines
are gonna snap...
342
00:13:00,445 --> 00:13:03,782
You're gonna
have a feeding tube...
343
00:13:18,589 --> 00:13:21,258
Hello. Well...
344
00:13:22,008 --> 00:13:23,927
You go. No, you go.
345
00:13:23,927 --> 00:13:25,387
Okay, I'll go.
346
00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:27,764
I'm back.
That's what you are.
347
00:13:27,764 --> 00:13:28,806
But I have to
go back to...
348
00:13:28,806 --> 00:13:29,892
Vancouver, right?
349
00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:31,060
Yeah, for...
350
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:32,228
Pit bull rescue still?
351
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:33,311
Yeah.
352
00:13:33,311 --> 00:13:34,772
You're a good
fuckin' gal, Rosie.
353
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:36,773
I need a favor.
354
00:13:38,108 --> 00:13:39,026
Oh.
355
00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:45,114
Come here, bud.
Oh, who's a good boy?
356
00:13:46,825 --> 00:13:49,161
Who is this?
357
00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:50,704
That's Zeke.
358
00:13:50,704 --> 00:13:53,331
Is he a Pit?
Pits are banned in
the province. I know.
359
00:13:53,331 --> 00:13:55,792
What should be banned
is idiots breeding them,
360
00:13:55,792 --> 00:13:57,628
and then selling them
to other idiots.
361
00:13:57,628 --> 00:13:59,046
You're a good
fuckin' guy, Wayne.
362
00:13:59,046 --> 00:14:00,171
How'd you get him in?
363
00:14:00,171 --> 00:14:02,174
There isn't a vet
in the province
364
00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:04,093
who backs breed-specific
legislation.
365
00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:06,469
They'll put anything on
his papers you ask 'em to.
366
00:14:06,469 --> 00:14:08,097
So, if anyone
asks, he's a...
367
00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:09,849
Teacup Yorkie.
Oh, is that what he is?
368
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:12,350
Kidding.
American Bulldog.
369
00:14:12,350 --> 00:14:13,853
That's what he is.
370
00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:16,312
I need you to
hold onto him
for a couple days.
371
00:14:17,397 --> 00:14:18,523
Okay.
372
00:14:18,523 --> 00:14:20,859
His sister has been
lethargic since he left,
373
00:14:20,859 --> 00:14:22,194
so I'm going
back for her.
374
00:14:22,319 --> 00:14:23,278
And then what?
375
00:14:23,820 --> 00:14:24,988
Then I'm back.
376
00:14:27,074 --> 00:14:28,825
I'll call you in
a couple days.
377
00:14:28,825 --> 00:14:31,161
Okay.
Thank you.
378
00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:40,003
Hey. Hold up.
379
00:14:41,671 --> 00:14:42,714
Especially youse two.
380
00:14:42,714 --> 00:14:45,301
Just stay like that
for me. Mmm.
381
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:47,219
Okay, you guys are
gonna need to get miked
382
00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:48,637
before your
sweaters go on.
383
00:14:48,637 --> 00:14:49,722
Miked?
384
00:14:58,062 --> 00:14:59,397
Why?
Just...
385
00:14:59,397 --> 00:15:01,483
You, don't talk, okay?
It's just better for me.
386
00:15:01,483 --> 00:15:02,859
Huh?
Same for you.
387
00:15:03,902 --> 00:15:05,320
Tanis?
Huh.
388
00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:07,823
Um, may we speak?
389
00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:09,074
Sure.
390
00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:10,618
Why do
we need mikes?
391
00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:12,661
All right, so you know
those videos on YouTube
392
00:15:12,661 --> 00:15:14,705
of all the NHL players
when they're all miked out?
393
00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:15,830
You mean miked up?
394
00:15:15,830 --> 00:15:16,998
Yeah, whatever.
395
00:15:16,998 --> 00:15:19,167
So, my cousins fuckin'
love those videos
396
00:15:19,167 --> 00:15:21,921
and they watch them over
and over and over again.
397
00:15:22,046 --> 00:15:23,464
So, I want to
provide for them
398
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:26,926
a pro-level
in-game experience.
399
00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:29,177
So, for this afternoon's
dress rehearsal,
400
00:15:29,177 --> 00:15:31,680
youse are all gonna
be miked out.
401
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,931
Miked up.
Fuck you.
402
00:15:33,931 --> 00:15:35,059
All right, Skids.
403
00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:36,560
Natives.
404
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,103
Phasers set to stun
up there, or what?
405
00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:39,687
Uh, Stewart hasn't
picked a song yet, but...
406
00:15:39,687 --> 00:15:40,940
Roald.
407
00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:43,066
Phasers set
to stun, Tanzy!
408
00:15:43,066 --> 00:15:44,692
"Tanzy." If this
becomes a thing,
409
00:15:44,692 --> 00:15:46,778
I swear to Christ,
I will...
Walk-up music.
410
00:15:46,778 --> 00:15:48,863
A critical factor in
creating a team's identity.
411
00:15:48,863 --> 00:15:51,032
The Vancouver Canucks
have Where The Streets
Have No Name.
412
00:15:51,032 --> 00:15:52,368
U2.
413
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:53,911
Anaheim Ducks have
Bro Hymn.
Pennywise.
414
00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:56,080
Buffalo Sabres have
Let Me Clear My Throat.
DJ Kool.
415
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,455
And the
Letterkenny Irish have...
416
00:15:57,580 --> 00:16:00,459
Hmm...
A floor burner?
A heart string tugger?
417
00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:01,752
Might I suggest...
418
00:16:03,003 --> 00:16:04,046
A Boogie?
419
00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:08,633
Youse ready?
420
00:16:08,633 --> 00:16:09,926
We're missing
a few guys, boys.
421
00:16:09,926 --> 00:16:11,094
Who?
422
00:16:11,094 --> 00:16:14,263
Barts, Yorkie, Scholtzy,
Fisky, Boomtown.
423
00:16:14,263 --> 00:16:16,557
We're not missing anyone.
All right, fuck those guys.
424
00:16:16,557 --> 00:16:18,518
I don't want to talk
about them right now.
425
00:16:18,643 --> 00:16:21,729
I got a player
who plays bigger than
all of them combined.
426
00:16:21,729 --> 00:16:22,982
No...
Not...
427
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:25,901
Oh, yes.
No!
428
00:16:27,235 --> 00:16:28,612
Will you two
just man up and make out?
429
00:16:28,612 --> 00:16:30,030
I started
an office pool for it
430
00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:31,489
and the day I picked
is tomorrow.
431
00:16:31,489 --> 00:16:32,782
Get tuggin', tit fuckers.
432
00:16:32,782 --> 00:16:34,368
Fuck you, Shoresy.
433
00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:35,911
Fuck you, Jonesy.
434
00:16:35,911 --> 00:16:38,080
Your mom pulled
the goalie on me
and now she's preggo.
435
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,123
Surprise, son. Go rake
the fuckin' yard.
436
00:16:40,123 --> 00:16:41,166
Fuck you, Shoresy.
437
00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:42,417
Fuck you, Reilly.
438
00:16:42,417 --> 00:16:44,335
I slipped one
past your mom, too.
439
00:16:44,335 --> 00:16:47,006
Her preggo farts
smell like hot dog water.
440
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,506
Fuck you, Shoresy.
441
00:16:48,506 --> 00:16:50,509
Fuck you, Jonesy.
442
00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:52,970
Your mom's in her first
trimester, and already
bitching about baby brain.
443
00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:56,180
Had to tell her she's been
dumber than Reilly's mom
since the genesis.
444
00:16:56,180 --> 00:16:57,724
Fuck you, Shoresy.
445
00:16:57,724 --> 00:16:59,143
Fuck you, Reilly.
446
00:16:59,143 --> 00:17:01,477
I talked your mom into
a three-way with our midwife
447
00:17:01,477 --> 00:17:03,022
and she gassed us
both out of the room.
448
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,522
I'm fuckin'
humiliated.
449
00:17:04,522 --> 00:17:06,023
Fuck you, Shoresy.
450
00:17:06,023 --> 00:17:07,775
Fuck you, Jonesy.
451
00:17:07,775 --> 00:17:10,111
Your mom wants to name
the baby after the place
it was conceived.
452
00:17:10,111 --> 00:17:12,196
Can't wait to meet
Martha's Vineyard Shore.
453
00:17:12,196 --> 00:17:14,157
Fuck you, Shoresy.
454
00:17:14,157 --> 00:17:15,199
Fuck you, Reilly.
455
00:17:15,324 --> 00:17:16,493
Your mom wants
the same thing.
456
00:17:16,493 --> 00:17:18,537
How do I shorten down
"Handicapped Bathroom
457
00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:20,872
"at Cheesecake Factory
In Boca Raton."
458
00:17:20,997 --> 00:17:22,291
Fuck!
459
00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:24,835
All right, starting up front.
Reilly, you ready?
460
00:17:24,835 --> 00:17:26,253
I'm ready.
Good, 'cause you're goin'.
461
00:17:26,253 --> 00:17:27,670
Jonesy, you ready?
I'm ready.
462
00:17:27,670 --> 00:17:28,714
Good, 'cause you're goin'.
463
00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:30,381
Shoresy, you ready?
464
00:17:30,381 --> 00:17:31,716
Good, 'cause you're goin'.
465
00:17:31,716 --> 00:17:33,926
All right, the
Letterkenny Irish
are back.
466
00:17:33,926 --> 00:17:37,013
Not yet. This still
could get fuckin'
embarrassing.
467
00:17:38,890 --> 00:17:40,850
Skids, you ready?
Ready.
468
00:17:40,850 --> 00:17:42,727
We are not ready!
Uh...
469
00:17:42,727 --> 00:17:44,061
They're coming out!
Press play!
470
00:17:44,061 --> 00:17:45,147
I don't have a song yet.
471
00:17:45,147 --> 00:17:46,857
What's in this CD player?
472
00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:48,692
Susan Aglukark.
473
00:17:48,692 --> 00:17:51,110
Shit. Figure skaters
must have had
the ice before.
474
00:17:51,235 --> 00:17:52,487
That is sexist!
475
00:17:52,487 --> 00:17:53,781
I can't work like this!
476
00:17:54,865 --> 00:17:55,991
Press play!
477
00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:58,993
If I'm you,
I'm listening to the lady.
478
00:18:20,765 --> 00:18:25,102
Welcome, one and all,
to Letterkenny Memorial Arena
479
00:18:25,102 --> 00:18:28,773
for this afternoon's
matinee game between
the Letterkenny Irish
480
00:18:28,773 --> 00:18:31,819
and the Letterkenny
Shamrockettes.
481
00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:34,362
Don't forget to buy
your 50/50 tickets.
482
00:18:34,362 --> 00:18:36,447
I'd say this afternoon's
grand total
483
00:18:36,572 --> 00:18:38,617
could reach $100.
484
00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:41,035
...give me 200,
who's got two...
485
00:18:47,333 --> 00:18:48,668
Sold.
486
00:18:48,668 --> 00:18:50,087
Camera dudes set up?
487
00:18:50,087 --> 00:18:51,839
Affirmative.
"Affirmative."
488
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:53,631
What is this,
the Starship fuckin'
Enterprise?
489
00:18:53,631 --> 00:18:55,425
I wish.
Me too. I wish.
490
00:18:56,176 --> 00:18:57,552
Good. Mike's on?
491
00:18:57,552 --> 00:18:58,720
Affirm-matory?
492
00:18:58,720 --> 00:18:59,847
Fine.
493
00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:01,639
Engage.
Flip on the monitor.
494
00:19:01,639 --> 00:19:02,933
Engaging monitor.
495
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,731
Nice fuckin' bird cage.
496
00:19:09,731 --> 00:19:12,734
At the end of the game,
what are you really
protecting?
497
00:19:12,734 --> 00:19:14,778
Fuck you, Shoresy.
498
00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:16,112
Perfect.
499
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,242
Gotta work with what
we've got, bro.
500
00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:21,952
Let's get this
fuckin' over with, bro.
501
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:26,330
Great day for
competitive men's
hockey, eh.
502
00:19:26,330 --> 00:19:27,456
What's women's hockey like?
503
00:19:27,456 --> 00:19:29,501
Same things,
less competitive
or what?
504
00:19:45,850 --> 00:19:47,852
Fuck you, Shoresy.
505
00:19:47,977 --> 00:19:51,147
First puck of
the campaign, boys.
Fuckin' get involved!
506
00:20:11,083 --> 00:20:13,044
You look like
that broad from
The Hunger Games.
507
00:20:13,044 --> 00:20:15,464
I'm gonna call you
Cuteness Everdeen.
508
00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:17,049
You like that...
509
00:20:18,507 --> 00:20:20,301
Short shifts, Cuteness.
510
00:20:20,301 --> 00:20:22,053
♪ Under moonlight
511
00:20:22,053 --> 00:20:25,849
♪ A violent tide comes in
512
00:20:31,562 --> 00:20:34,358
♪ The streets are wild...
513
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:38,070
You skate
like a fuckin' girl, birdcage.
514
00:20:38,195 --> 00:20:39,320
'Cause I am one.
515
00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:40,656
No, you're not.
516
00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:42,616
Are you really?
517
00:20:42,616 --> 00:20:43,951
Holy fuck.
518
00:20:44,784 --> 00:20:46,662
♪ It came like a wave
519
00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:50,957
♪ They came crashing over me
520
00:20:50,957 --> 00:20:55,462
♪ If I could breathe
I could swim away...
521
00:21:03,595 --> 00:21:06,055
Hey, what's your favorite
kind of pizza, Cuteness?
522
00:21:06,055 --> 00:21:07,390
Mine's pizza ass.
523
00:21:09,100 --> 00:21:10,935
Short shifts...
524
00:21:11,060 --> 00:21:13,062
♪ It came like a wave
525
00:21:14,438 --> 00:21:17,149
♪ They came crashing over me
526
00:21:17,274 --> 00:21:20,236
♪ If I could breathe
I could swim away
527
00:21:21,070 --> 00:21:23,240
♪ It came like a wave
528
00:21:24,616 --> 00:21:27,368
♪ No one can be me but me
529
00:21:27,368 --> 00:21:29,745
♪ If I could stand
I could run away
530
00:21:30,496 --> 00:21:33,750
♪ Run away ♪
531
00:21:35,877 --> 00:21:39,298
Good shift,
Cuteness. Oh!
532
00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:42,759
We should change
our Facebook status
to "It's complicated."
533
00:21:50,434 --> 00:21:52,226
Look what
the cat dragged in.
534
00:21:52,226 --> 00:21:54,061
Oh, it's better than
what the cat coughed up.
535
00:21:54,061 --> 00:21:55,312
Oh.
536
00:21:55,312 --> 00:21:57,441
Who's that Bronco Buster?
537
00:21:57,441 --> 00:21:58,567
Oh, that's Zeke.
538
00:21:58,567 --> 00:22:00,401
Zeke's having a roll
in the hay.
539
00:22:00,401 --> 00:22:03,112
Oh, that's barley.
Can we keep him?
540
00:22:05,115 --> 00:22:08,493
A gal I used to date
brought him over asking
for some help with him.
541
00:22:08,493 --> 00:22:09,953
Temporarily.
542
00:22:09,953 --> 00:22:11,204
She pushin' up?
543
00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:12,455
No.
Would I like her?
544
00:22:12,455 --> 00:22:13,956
Yeah.
545
00:22:13,956 --> 00:22:15,500
When a friend
asks for help,
you help them, right?
546
00:22:16,835 --> 00:22:18,003
Is he sleeping
with us?
547
00:22:18,003 --> 00:22:19,588
Puppies should be
crate trained.
548
00:22:19,588 --> 00:22:21,339
They go in the crate
every time you leave
the house,
549
00:22:21,464 --> 00:22:23,007
or go to sleep,
no exceptions.
550
00:22:23,007 --> 00:22:24,592
Well, he may be
the only one
551
00:22:24,592 --> 00:22:27,553
getting some
sleep tonight.
Pitter-patter.
552
00:22:31,390 --> 00:22:33,476
Oh, who's a good boy?
553
00:22:38,147 --> 00:22:41,109
You guys get fully changed
in between periods?
554
00:22:41,109 --> 00:22:44,487
Oh, why do women have
to be so different?
We concede.
555
00:22:44,487 --> 00:22:48,032
Oh. Now, don't be
bitter biscuits.
556
00:22:48,032 --> 00:22:49,242
We're not.
557
00:22:49,242 --> 00:22:51,243
I've seen bitter biscuits,
and what I'm seeing
558
00:22:51,243 --> 00:22:53,705
is a lot of
bitter biscuitry.
559
00:22:53,705 --> 00:22:56,124
Sometimes you get
speed-bagged.
Happens in hockey.
560
00:22:56,124 --> 00:22:58,210
Okay. Look.
561
00:22:58,335 --> 00:23:00,878
Women can do anything
men can do...
562
00:23:00,878 --> 00:23:02,129
Shut the fuck up.
563
00:23:02,129 --> 00:23:03,548
We're in.
In what?
564
00:23:03,673 --> 00:23:05,050
To coach, idiot.
565
00:23:05,050 --> 00:23:06,885
Ice time's expensive.
Let's use it for practice.
566
00:23:07,010 --> 00:23:08,552
Set up the PK.
Get the PP going.
567
00:23:08,677 --> 00:23:10,930
Get jerseys sorted
for your line combos.
568
00:23:15,601 --> 00:23:17,270
What are you
smiling about?
569
00:23:17,396 --> 00:23:19,272
The Letterkenny Irish
are back.
40082
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