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1
00:00:09,008 --> 00:00:12,679
You heard a couple
nut sacks talkin' about
hockey the other day...
2
00:00:12,762 --> 00:00:14,514
This kid.
Kid is a fuckin' stud.
3
00:00:14,597 --> 00:00:15,890
Kid's a fuckin' beauty.
Fuckin' look at this kid.
4
00:00:15,974 --> 00:00:17,892
Fuckin' love this kid.
5
00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:19,936
Kid lights lamp.
Hashtag lamp life.
6
00:00:20,019 --> 00:00:21,271
Eat, sleep, lamp.
7
00:00:21,354 --> 00:00:22,897
Don't give him too much space,
buddy. He'll dangle.
8
00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:24,816
He'll dangle all the fuckin'
way to outer space.
9
00:00:24,899 --> 00:00:26,609
Suck some Martian
titties up there, boys.
10
00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:29,237
Just getting super sloppy
all over our space dinks.
11
00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:30,780
Silky mittens, top
tittens. Ferda boys.
12
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:32,031
Ferda!
13
00:00:32,115 --> 00:00:33,199
Ferda!
14
00:00:33,283 --> 00:00:35,618
Big roadie to the big city
this weekend, Schmelt.
15
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:36,703
Do you know
what that means?
16
00:00:36,786 --> 00:00:37,412
Um...
17
00:00:37,495 --> 00:00:39,038
Suckin' city titty, idiot.
18
00:00:39,122 --> 00:00:40,623
Suckin' all that
big city titty, idiot.
19
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,292
All up that big
city slam piece.
20
00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:43,918
Big city slams, idiot.
21
00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:46,629
Big city billet moms.
Big city billet sisters.
22
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:47,881
Let's get our dinks
sucked on, boys.
23
00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:49,048
Yes.
24
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:51,968
Hey, how's school going,
Schmelt?
25
00:00:52,051 --> 00:00:54,763
It's going...
Just kidding.
We don't give a fuck.
26
00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:56,139
Get our pops, Schmelt.
27
00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:58,183
Big city slams, Schmelt.
28
00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:03,104
(IMITATING AIR HORN)
29
00:01:18,536 --> 00:01:19,454
How are ya now?
30
00:01:19,537 --> 00:01:20,079
Not so bad.
31
00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:21,915
Good and you?
32
00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:23,875
Not too bad.
33
00:01:23,958 --> 00:01:27,253
Have you shit yourself?
You look like you've got
an awkward boner.
34
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:30,548
Don't.
Don't what?
35
00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:32,050
Dan?
36
00:01:32,133 --> 00:01:33,802
Did you know that Daryl used
to get boners every morning
37
00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:35,595
in grade nine duringO Canada?
38
00:01:35,678 --> 00:01:37,680
No shit.
39
00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:39,098
Yep. Just
40
00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:41,643
could not get through O Canada
without getting a boner.
41
00:01:41,726 --> 00:01:44,562
Give a young man 30
idle seconds and he's
gonna get a boner.
42
00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:45,980
We talked about this.
43
00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:47,899
Is there something you
want to talk about now?
44
00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:54,489
Well, pitter patter,
let's get at 'er.
45
00:01:57,575 --> 00:02:00,370
Well, I was wondering
if this year we could
skip the birthday party?
46
00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:02,872
Skip your super soft birthday
party? Are you fuckin' high?
47
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,249
Hard no.
48
00:02:04,332 --> 00:02:06,251
DAN: Daryl's super
soft birthday party?
49
00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:10,088
Every year, Daryl's mom used
to throw him these birthday
parties when he was a kid.
50
00:02:10,171 --> 00:02:12,173
Softest birthday party
on planet Earth.
51
00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:13,842
Boy band karaoke, cupcake
decoration station,
52
00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:16,302
charcuterie.
53
00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:20,014
One year, his mom had him
a "Make the world a
better place" party.
54
00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:21,474
One year they dressed
a horse up like a unicorn
55
00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:24,310
and he was never really
the same after that.
56
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:25,895
It's not funny.
57
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,897
I used to take a lot of
teasing in school for those.
58
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:30,567
Aw, should I get
you a tissue, Sally?
59
00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:32,735
No, he'll have
one in his purse.
60
00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:33,987
Or maybe his clutch.
61
00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:36,990
Party's happening, Daryl.
You don't fuck with tradition.
62
00:02:41,786 --> 00:02:43,329
DAN: So. The agenda.
63
00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:46,124
After your dust up over
the weekend, safe to assume
you're fighting again?
64
00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:49,377
Co-rect.
Ten-four, good buddy.
65
00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:52,088
Well, it's gonna be a busy
week 'cause there's a few
guys walking around town
66
00:02:52,171 --> 00:02:54,215
claiming to be
the toughest guys
in Letterkenny.
67
00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:55,884
I'm the toughest
guy in Letterkenny.
68
00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:58,303
You were the toughest
guy in Letterkenny.
It's been some time.
69
00:02:58,386 --> 00:03:00,179
Now, it's safe to assume that
that title
70
00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:02,849
is as important to
you now as it was then?
71
00:03:02,932 --> 00:03:04,642
Does a duck with a
boner drag weeds?
72
00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:06,394
Ten-four, good buddy!
73
00:03:06,477 --> 00:03:09,439
Then it's safe to assume
that the challengers will
be coming up around the farm,
74
00:03:09,522 --> 00:03:11,608
as that is how you've
conducted business
in the past.
75
00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:13,401
Well, I was never
one for an audience.
76
00:03:13,484 --> 00:03:15,653
All right, let's talk
about the challengers.
77
00:03:15,737 --> 00:03:17,447
First up,
we've got Sled Ted.
78
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:18,531
Why's he called Sled Ted?
79
00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:22,076
Well, he likes fixin' sleds,
and ridin' sleds,
80
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:23,286
and talkin' about sleds.
81
00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:26,122
He just really
likes sleddin', boys.
82
00:03:26,205 --> 00:03:28,082
Uh, he beat up a
guy named Basic Jay.
83
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:29,208
Why's he called Basic Jay?
84
00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:31,711
'Cause he's a fuckin' basic.
85
00:03:31,794 --> 00:03:34,130
DAN: And now he thinks
he's the toughest guy
in Letterkenny.
86
00:03:34,213 --> 00:03:36,591
After that,
we got Rat Ass.
87
00:03:36,674 --> 00:03:37,800
Why's he called Rat Ass?
88
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:40,428
'Cause he's got a
hairy ass like a rat.
89
00:03:40,803 --> 00:03:42,096
Can confirm.
90
00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:45,975
He beat up a guy
named Brains.
91
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,645
See, his name's Brian
but he spelt it Brain
92
00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:50,980
in the computer at bowling
one time. It just kinda stuck.
93
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,858
DAN: Now he thinks he's the
toughest guy in Letterkenny.
94
00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:55,401
And after that,
we got Joint Boy.
95
00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:58,821
Because he smokes
lots of joints, Dairy.
96
00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:04,285
Well, just plucking
the low hanging fruit
is what that is.
97
00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:07,789
I've seen that guy take
on four bouncers at
the rippers one time.
98
00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:08,915
He is otherworldly.
99
00:04:08,998 --> 00:04:11,626
Got a dome on him like
an Easter Island statue.
100
00:04:11,709 --> 00:04:13,294
Is he single?
101
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:16,130
Not that it matters,
I guess.
102
00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:20,969
Look, keep it at the
end of the lane way.
No degens on the property.
103
00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:23,513
That's a Texas size 10-4.
Over and out.
104
00:04:29,143 --> 00:04:31,521
Well, this is annoying.
105
00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:34,315
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING
ON CAR RADIO)
106
00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:36,985
The fuck are they
doin' out there?
They're scared of you.
107
00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:39,737
(SIGHS)
108
00:04:43,491 --> 00:04:45,785
This snipe is
a fuckin' sniper.
109
00:04:45,868 --> 00:04:49,247
Snipe's a fuckin' beauty.
Fuckin' look at this snipe.
110
00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:51,374
Fuckin' love this snipe.
We're snipe selling, boys.
111
00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:53,376
Dirty fucking
dangles, boys.
112
00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:56,337
You're a sniper.
You're a snipe.
113
00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:58,172
You're a skirt,
you pansy.
114
00:04:58,256 --> 00:05:00,508
If you make me walk up
the lane way again,
we're having babies.
115
00:05:00,591 --> 00:05:03,428
Put it out! Put it
out! Put it out!
Fuck!
116
00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:05,138
Fuck!
117
00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:07,015
Those boys need
to give their
balls a tug.
118
00:05:07,098 --> 00:05:09,684
Maybe, check, make
sure they're still
attached right quick.
119
00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:12,395
I'd rather put a mirror down
there and see what's what.
120
00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:13,771
One time,
my cousin...
121
00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:16,357
He tore open his
ball sack trying to
do a skateboard trick
122
00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:18,526
and he had to show
it to his mum.
123
00:05:18,609 --> 00:05:20,361
Was it his scrotal sack?
124
00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:23,948
Well, you know. That dangly
piece of flesh, what hangs
down behind the penis.
125
00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:25,241
Scrotal sack.
The nut sack.
126
00:05:25,324 --> 00:05:28,286
So, he tore his ball
sack open trying to do
a skateboard trick
127
00:05:28,369 --> 00:05:31,748
and he's gots to show it to
his mum because apparently one
of his testicles was showing.
128
00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:34,000
Was it the right one
or the left one?
129
00:05:34,083 --> 00:05:35,501
Why is that
of importance?
130
00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:37,420
Well, because the left
one has more sperm in it.
131
00:05:37,503 --> 00:05:39,088
Spermatozoa is
what it's called.
132
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:42,091
Tell you what, if I ripped
open my ball sack trying to
do a skateboard trick,
133
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:44,093
I'd be more worried about
seeing my vas deferens.
134
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:47,555
Well, you'd have to tear your
ball sack pretty near wide
open doing a skateboard trick
135
00:05:47,638 --> 00:05:49,432
if you wanted to see
your own vas deferens.
136
00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:52,185
I'm not sure I wanna
see my own vas deferens
137
00:05:52,268 --> 00:05:53,102
I think if I saw my
own vas deferens,
138
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:55,646
I'd be quite worried.
139
00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:58,524
I'd be most worried if I tore
my ball sack open trying to do
a skateboard trick
140
00:05:58,608 --> 00:06:01,736
if I could see my
accessory glands.
141
00:06:01,819 --> 00:06:04,614
Well, you don't want to go
too kooky with accessories
on your truck.
142
00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:07,658
Or your jeep. It's okay
with like, a quad, though,
143
00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:11,162
like my buddy Big T's got
a snorkel kit on his and
that's pretty punk rock.
144
00:06:11,245 --> 00:06:12,663
What's an
accessory gland?
145
00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:15,291
Well, if your vas deferens
is your sperm ducts,
146
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:18,961
the accessory glands is
what supplies lubricant
to the sperm duct.
147
00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:21,672
I think if I ripped open
my ball sack trying to do
a skateboard trick,
148
00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:24,133
I'd be most worried about
seeing my seminal vesicles.
149
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:26,552
Oh, like the Florida
State seminal vesicles?
150
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:28,137
Like the sack that hangs
behind your vas deferens
151
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,555
and contains fructose
152
00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:31,265
which is energy
for the sperm.
153
00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:34,727
Yeah, it's like when you
go in the city there and
they got them charge stations
154
00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:36,604
for the people that
drive the electric cars.
155
00:06:36,687 --> 00:06:39,774
That's pretty much
your seminal vesticles.
156
00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:44,362
I thought it was pretty
funny when I said
157
00:06:44,445 --> 00:06:47,073
Florida State seminal vesicles
and nobody laughed.
158
00:06:54,997 --> 00:06:55,790
(PHONE RINGING)
159
00:07:05,299 --> 00:07:06,884
Hello.
160
00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:08,719
Okay.
161
00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:11,305
End of the lane way.
Don't come up the property.
162
00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:12,598
Good.
163
00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:21,482
Sled Ted's here.
164
00:08:43,147 --> 00:08:45,191
(MUSIC PLAYING)
165
00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:22,937
Geez, Basic Jay must
have been a shit fighter
to lose to that ass-hat.
166
00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:26,357
I've known Basic Jay
to be a pretty tough dude.
167
00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:28,651
He's not really
a fuckin' basic.
168
00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:30,278
Guess he could
have had a cold.
169
00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:31,904
Or the flu.
170
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:33,364
Sled Ted had Bigfoot hands.
171
00:09:33,447 --> 00:09:34,240
Yeah, he's a big grimy brute.
172
00:09:34,323 --> 00:09:36,534
Shit fighter, though.
173
00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:37,952
Do you guys remember
the fragrance Brut?
174
00:09:38,035 --> 00:09:40,413
Or Actif Brut?
175
00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:41,914
Yeah.
Yeah, they still
make that.
176
00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:42,790
I always enjoyed
that fragrance.
177
00:09:42,873 --> 00:09:45,751
You can use it to
dry up zits too.
178
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:49,505
Did you know you can use
shaving cream to get permanent
marker off your hands?
179
00:09:49,588 --> 00:09:51,549
Why wouldn't you
just dip your hands
in the parts cleaner?
180
00:09:51,632 --> 00:09:53,050
Well, most people don't
have a parts cleaner.
181
00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:56,554
Well, most likely Rat Ass
will be your next dude.
182
00:09:57,221 --> 00:09:59,181
I hear that he is a greaser.
183
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:00,474
Can confirm.
184
00:10:00,558 --> 00:10:02,810
So fuckin' greasy
I almost don't want to.
185
00:10:02,893 --> 00:10:05,855
I saw him with his shirt off,
swimming at the gravel pit
not that long ago.
186
00:10:07,606 --> 00:10:08,816
His back acne
was extraordinary.
187
00:10:11,485 --> 00:10:14,155
Well, like,
extraordinary how?
188
00:10:14,238 --> 00:10:17,033
Well, like, I thought
about it for a while
after is all.
189
00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:19,660
Well, elaborate,
'cause I'm likely
gonna have to touch it.
190
00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:22,204
Well, like how
it was cultivated.
191
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,333
WAYNE: Well, by not
showering likely.
192
00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:27,335
Likely.
193
00:10:27,418 --> 00:10:29,962
Did you know that men
can wear the fragrance
CK ONE as well as women?
194
00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:31,088
Yeah.
DAN: Yeah.
195
00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:32,923
That's 'cause it's
an unisex fragrance.
196
00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:35,176
It says that right
on the bottle.
197
00:10:35,259 --> 00:10:36,802
But would ya?
Oh, negative.
198
00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:37,762
Me neither.
199
00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:40,598
Would you wear
Gap Dream?
200
00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:45,019
DAN: No!
201
00:10:45,102 --> 00:10:46,979
No, no, Dairy,
that's for girls.
202
00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:48,147
Dairy, that's for girls.
203
00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:50,983
You can't walk around
smelling like pretty girls.
204
00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:52,985
You're not wearing
it right now, are you?
205
00:10:54,653 --> 00:10:57,365
Cologne is too expensive.
I just use sunscreen.
Banana Boat.
206
00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:02,828
Let's get into some of those
fuckin' all dressed chips.
207
00:11:06,874 --> 00:11:08,834
WAYNE: Jesus, Katy,
put some fuckin' clothes on.
208
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:10,836
Not my forte.
Unfortunate.
209
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:13,422
Hey, neighbor said
he's not gonna give
us a horse this year.
210
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,174
What?
211
00:11:15,257 --> 00:11:17,009
Well, he said that last year
we returned him and his
breath smelled like alcohol.
212
00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:20,554
Well, it was probably mine.
You could have lit my breath
on fire the next day.
213
00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:22,014
Horse was
half cut though.
214
00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:24,058
He said that he's gonna
give us a donkey.
Nope.
215
00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:25,851
Might be funny.
216
00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:27,853
Gotta be a horse.
You don't fuck
with tradition.
217
00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:30,398
You're really gonna pump
the brakes on a donkey
dressed up like a unicorn?
218
00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:31,649
Oh, I'm stompin'
the brakes.
219
00:11:31,732 --> 00:11:32,817
You put that idea
right through the
fuckin' windshield.
220
00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:36,529
But it's a donkey dressed
up like a unicorn.
Katy!
221
00:11:36,612 --> 00:11:39,865
Well, it's better than
a kick in the pants.
222
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,700
Do you want this to
be the softest birthday
party ever or not?
223
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:44,578
I want this just
as much as you do.
224
00:11:44,662 --> 00:11:46,580
Well, then find
us a horse.
225
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:49,083
Please and thank you.
And don't stay out in the
sun too long.
226
00:11:49,166 --> 00:11:50,501
Your skin will
look like an old saddle bag.
227
00:11:50,584 --> 00:11:52,086
Yeah.
228
00:11:52,169 --> 00:11:53,796
(PHONE RINGING)
229
00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:04,723
Hello.
230
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:05,933
Okay.
231
00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:08,686
End of the lane way.
Don't come up the property.
232
00:12:08,769 --> 00:12:09,812
Good.
233
00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:19,822
Rat Ass is here.
234
00:12:49,226 --> 00:12:50,102
Keep it standing.
235
00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:52,813
This goes to the
ground, we stand up.
236
00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:55,107
Okay.
237
00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:56,233
This goes to a clinch,
238
00:12:56,317 --> 00:12:57,818
we separate.
239
00:12:57,902 --> 00:12:59,570
Great. Let's go!
240
00:12:59,653 --> 00:13:01,071
All right.
So, hit me.
241
00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:04,450
Fight him or
shut the fuck up.
242
00:13:04,533 --> 00:13:06,744
I'll give you
a free one.
243
00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:08,704
What the fuck is this?
244
00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:10,080
Let's fuckin' do this.
245
00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:11,624
Just fuckin'
square off.
246
00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:37,566
WAYNE: Hey! He's pulling hair,
he's pulling hair.
247
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:38,400
Break 'em up, break 'em up.
248
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:40,402
Come on, come on!
249
00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:42,947
DAN: I'm gonna clock
this shitty wolverine.
250
00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:48,118
(YELLING)
251
00:13:53,415 --> 00:13:55,543
Hit me. Come on. I love pain.
252
00:14:28,993 --> 00:14:32,830
Look at the
execution, boys.
Look at the hustle, boys.
253
00:14:32,913 --> 00:14:33,831
Ding.
254
00:14:33,914 --> 00:14:35,749
You guys made
the liquor run,
right?
255
00:14:35,833 --> 00:14:38,168
I was Donny
Drives the car.
I was Nicki Navigates.
256
00:14:38,836 --> 00:14:40,504
But, uh...
257
00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:42,673
We couldn't find a lot
of the stuff on the list.
258
00:14:42,756 --> 00:14:43,966
Yeah.
Like what?
259
00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:46,218
Uh, well...
260
00:14:47,428 --> 00:14:49,972
Uh, there's
ingredients
261
00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:51,765
that I don't think you can
get in Letterkenny.
Yeah.
262
00:14:52,516 --> 00:14:55,102
So, go to the city.
263
00:14:55,185 --> 00:14:56,228
Yeah, but we got practice
in a couple of hours.
264
00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:58,897
We're gonna crush a couple
sandos before, too.
265
00:14:58,981 --> 00:14:59,982
Grab some
nappies, maybe?
266
00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:00,858
We haven't had our
pre-game naps either.
267
00:15:00,941 --> 00:15:04,445
Nappies are nappies. Ferda.
Ferda.
268
00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:05,946
Well, we need
everything on the list.
269
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:08,073
So, what drinks do you
need ingredients for?
270
00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:09,491
Uh,
271
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:12,536
Corebelo Love Potion.
272
00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:15,122
Uh, Purple Passion Punch.
273
00:15:15,205 --> 00:15:16,540
Lemon Gingerini.
274
00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:20,419
Apricot Toblerone Cocktail.
275
00:15:20,502 --> 00:15:21,837
Couldn't find
a Flirtini.
276
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:26,050
Couldn't find Sparkling
Mango Sorbet Float.
277
00:15:26,133 --> 00:15:28,469
Don't...
Don't know really
what that is.
278
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,430
Well, that's all of them.
279
00:15:31,513 --> 00:15:32,973
Ye... Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
280
00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:36,393
Look, I have about a million
things to do if this is
281
00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:38,145
gonna be the softest
birthday party ever.
282
00:15:38,228 --> 00:15:41,231
If you guys don't get me
everything on the list,
283
00:15:41,315 --> 00:15:43,651
you'll be pulling each
other's horns from now on.
284
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:45,361
(PHONE BEEPS)
285
00:15:46,945 --> 00:15:48,072
Pitter patter!
286
00:15:49,031 --> 00:15:50,074
(BOTH GROANING)
287
00:15:50,157 --> 00:15:50,991
So far!
288
00:16:03,921 --> 00:16:05,631
Fuck, was he a beaker.
289
00:16:05,714 --> 00:16:06,757
Like, he would not
stop beaking.
290
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,301
That shit
is the worst.
291
00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:11,553
That was right to stick to
the task at hand, pal.
292
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:12,638
Keep your trap shut.
Throw bombs.
293
00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:15,307
I wouldn't say shit
if my mouth was
full of it.
294
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:17,726
I haven't seen that many
hits since Good Charlotte
played Warped Tour.
295
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:18,977
Yeah, more like...
296
00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:20,479
Not very Good Charlotte.
297
00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:21,939
I always liked NOFX.
298
00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:22,898
YESFX.
299
00:16:22,981 --> 00:16:26,193
Big fuckin' day, Dairy.
Big fuckin' day!
300
00:16:26,276 --> 00:16:27,111
Big fuckin' day!
301
00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:28,112
Ow.
302
00:16:28,195 --> 00:16:29,154
Happy birthday, it's your
special day Dairy.
303
00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:30,614
DAN: Birthday beats!
Birthday beats!
304
00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:33,742
Ow. Oh, that's
not polite, Katy.
305
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,577
You really are a Sally.
306
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:38,539
That's the most action I've
seen since I gave the dairy
cows' teats a good scrubbin'.
307
00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:39,748
I don't need
to know that.
308
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:40,666
You're pretty good at
wrestling there, Katy,
309
00:16:40,749 --> 00:16:42,835
and that's what
I appreciates about you.
310
00:16:42,918 --> 00:16:45,713
Is that what you
appreciate about me?
311
00:16:45,796 --> 00:16:48,298
Let's go easy over there,
squirrelly Dan.
312
00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:51,009
Yeah. Oh, hey,
look at you, ground.
313
00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:52,928
So, tell me about
this guy, Joint Boy.
314
00:16:53,011 --> 00:16:54,638
Well, I'm not gonna
sugar coats it for you, Wayne.
315
00:16:54,722 --> 00:16:58,642
This guy looks like an
Australian rugbies player,
chiseled out of stones.
316
00:16:58,726 --> 00:17:01,645
Uh-oh.
Got legs on him
like tree trunks.
317
00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:04,314
Is that a deciduous tree
or a coniferous tree?
318
00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:06,567
What?
Well, there's a difference.
319
00:17:06,650 --> 00:17:07,568
If we're talking about,
like, a maple tree,
320
00:17:07,651 --> 00:17:10,070
which is thick
and deciduous
321
00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:12,197
or a Christmas tree, which
is thin and coniferous.
322
00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:14,950
Yeah, but both is hards
and mades of woods, right?
323
00:17:15,033 --> 00:17:17,202
There's a difference
is all I'm saying.
324
00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:19,455
What type of tree
is a coconut tree?
325
00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:20,372
It's a palm tree.
326
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:21,540
How do you know?
327
00:17:21,623 --> 00:17:23,667
Well, like the Internet.
Oh.
328
00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:26,503
Anyways, backs to Joint Boy.
329
00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:28,130
How come I've never
heard of him before?
330
00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:29,840
Oh, he just gots out of jail.
331
00:17:29,923 --> 00:17:31,842
He was arrested for assaults
after he beats the shits
332
00:17:31,925 --> 00:17:34,052
out of a guy for
pushin' up on his sister.
333
00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:35,763
Got this big
entourage of guys,
334
00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:38,724
bald-headed, bearded dudes
what looks like a whole
bunch of surly uncles.
335
00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:41,852
You think we should
call The Ginger?
336
00:17:43,061 --> 00:17:44,480
Mmm.
337
00:17:46,815 --> 00:17:47,858
No.
338
00:17:47,941 --> 00:17:49,443
DARYL: Why not?
He's tougher than hell.
339
00:17:49,526 --> 00:17:50,986
WAYNE: Yeah, but...
340
00:17:53,697 --> 00:17:55,657
Well, like you heard he
fucked an ostrich, right?
341
00:17:58,076 --> 00:17:59,036
He what?
342
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:01,663
He fucked an ostrich.
343
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:04,041
Allegedly.
344
00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:06,418
How does a fella get caught
up in that sort of business?
345
00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:09,379
Well, I guess his cousin
346
00:18:09,463 --> 00:18:12,049
had an ostrich farm
347
00:18:12,132 --> 00:18:14,343
when he thought it
might be fun to fuck one.
348
00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:15,511
Allegedly.
349
00:18:15,594 --> 00:18:17,846
So, he got hard
350
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:20,057
somehow
351
00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:21,642
and he fucked an ostrich.
352
00:18:24,269 --> 00:18:25,521
That's fucked.
353
00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:27,105
That's a felony.
354
00:18:29,107 --> 00:18:30,108
So, we use him in
emergencies only, then.
355
00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:34,696
I should say.
356
00:18:57,553 --> 00:18:59,555
Dairy. Hey, Dairy.
357
00:18:59,638 --> 00:19:01,223
This one's for you.
358
00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:03,100
Oh.
359
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:06,353
DARYL: Hey, Joint Boy's here.
360
00:19:17,531 --> 00:19:19,116
Which one of youse is Wayne?
361
00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:24,371
We got some business.
362
00:19:28,625 --> 00:19:30,752
You're interrupting a party
for my best pal
363
00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:33,172
that my little sister worked
pretty hard to put on.
364
00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:35,966
Hold it.
365
00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:39,720
May I sort this out
now, please?
366
00:19:40,637 --> 00:19:42,014
Goddamn right you may.
367
00:19:42,097 --> 00:19:42,931
WAYNE: Thank you.
368
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,391
Don't lose.
369
00:20:00,073 --> 00:20:02,534
You had yourself a scrap
the other weekend at Modean's.
370
00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:04,578
What's it to ya?
371
00:20:04,661 --> 00:20:06,830
You left the dude
pretty banged up.
372
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:12,753
I heard he kicked a slow
learning fella in the bum
while he was havin' a piss.
373
00:20:12,836 --> 00:20:15,255
Now, that slow learning
fella is my second cousin.
374
00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:17,841
Okay.
375
00:20:17,925 --> 00:20:20,469
Being the toughest
guy in Letterkenny is
important to me.
376
00:20:21,845 --> 00:20:23,889
I'm sure it is
to you too
377
00:20:24,598 --> 00:20:26,475
but we're all hicks here.
378
00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:30,062
And you've done me a favor,
so I'd be willing to shake
379
00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:32,439
your hand and call it a day.
380
00:20:37,027 --> 00:20:39,613
I didn't do you no favors.
381
00:20:39,696 --> 00:20:42,115
'Cause I don't know
who the fuck you are.
382
00:20:44,701 --> 00:20:46,662
We done talking?
383
00:22:04,072 --> 00:22:07,325
You wanna come to a
super soft birthday party?
384
00:22:18,295 --> 00:22:20,213
Happy birthday,
Dairy.
385
00:22:21,798 --> 00:22:24,593
It's really more
for them, ain't it?
386
00:22:24,676 --> 00:22:26,094
What is?
387
00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:27,846
DAN: All this.
388
00:22:29,389 --> 00:22:30,849
No, it's not.
It's cream cheese.
389
00:22:30,932 --> 00:22:31,850
No.
390
00:22:31,933 --> 00:22:32,768
That's cream cheese.
391
00:22:32,851 --> 00:22:33,560
No.
392
00:22:33,643 --> 00:22:34,478
Yeah, that's
cream cheese.
393
00:22:35,645 --> 00:22:36,563
Just go...
394
00:22:36,646 --> 00:22:38,023
Jesus!
395
00:22:38,106 --> 00:22:40,484
You remember they
weren't allowed to have
birthday parties growing up.
396
00:22:40,567 --> 00:22:41,985
They had to go
bucky at mine.
397
00:22:42,069 --> 00:22:43,862
DAN: All they do is go
alls out, don'ts they?
398
00:22:43,945 --> 00:22:46,656
DARYL: That's
a Texas size 10-4.
399
00:22:48,158 --> 00:22:50,410
You know, if Joint Boy
and his pals hadn't
showed up,
400
00:22:50,494 --> 00:22:52,788
I figure this would have been
the softest birthday ever.
401
00:22:53,914 --> 00:22:56,625
That's a small victory
for you, I suppose.
402
00:22:56,708 --> 00:22:58,460
I was worried.
403
00:22:58,543 --> 00:22:59,878
Thought I might have to get
Stewart and the Skids to come
over here and start
404
00:22:59,961 --> 00:23:03,173
hoovering up that
white powder of theirs.
405
00:23:03,256 --> 00:23:05,342
DARYL: Anything for a little
bit of an edge, am I right?
406
00:23:05,425 --> 00:23:06,843
DAN: The white stuff.
407
00:23:06,927 --> 00:23:08,345
The snooter.
408
00:23:08,428 --> 00:23:10,138
The devil's dandruff.
409
00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:11,765
The dander.
410
00:23:11,848 --> 00:23:15,894
I... I hoovered
up a bit of the
schneef in my day.
411
00:23:16,728 --> 00:23:18,063
You ever hoovered
barnyard schneef?
412
00:23:18,146 --> 00:23:22,400
I've hoovered behind the
manure pile schneef.
413
00:23:22,484 --> 00:23:24,736
You ever hoovered schneef
off a sleeping cow's spine?
414
00:23:24,820 --> 00:23:27,989
I've hoovered schneef off
of an awake cow's teat.
415
00:23:30,450 --> 00:23:33,078
What are the odds that
I ride him home bareback?
416
00:23:33,161 --> 00:23:34,704
Gonna hurt
your balls, bro.
417
00:23:34,788 --> 00:23:36,164
Good going.
418
00:23:38,166 --> 00:23:39,501
Oh, yeah.
419
00:23:41,753 --> 00:23:43,588
You ever hoovered
library schneef?
420
00:23:43,672 --> 00:23:45,340
I've hoovered schneef
off of the cover of
421
00:23:45,423 --> 00:23:49,636
Gordon Korman'sThis Can't Be Happening
at Macdonald Hall.
422
00:23:49,719 --> 00:23:51,680
You wanna come
home with me?
423
00:23:51,763 --> 00:23:53,807
You can sleep
in my bed.
424
00:23:53,890 --> 00:23:54,808
He'd break it.
425
00:23:54,891 --> 00:23:56,226
He'd break your bed.
426
00:23:56,309 --> 00:23:57,561
His dick alone
would break your bed.
427
00:23:57,644 --> 00:23:58,854
I saw that too.
I... Yeah.
428
00:23:58,937 --> 00:24:00,021
It was really big.
429
00:24:01,106 --> 00:24:02,399
(PHONE BEEPING)
430
00:24:03,483 --> 00:24:04,192
(PHONE BEEPING)
431
00:24:07,487 --> 00:24:08,321
(PHONE BEEPING)
432
00:24:16,079 --> 00:24:17,622
You ever hoovered
Sunday school schneef?
433
00:24:17,706 --> 00:24:22,002
I've hoovered schneef
off the collection plate
in the rectory.
434
00:24:23,295 --> 00:24:25,046
Do you know what
dick dingers are?
435
00:24:30,385 --> 00:24:31,469
Yep.
436
00:24:32,804 --> 00:24:34,472
You know that movie
437
00:24:34,556 --> 00:24:35,765
with the guy who
whispers to horses.
438
00:24:35,849 --> 00:24:38,643
Brokeback Mountain?
439
00:24:39,269 --> 00:24:40,187
No.
No.
440
00:24:40,270 --> 00:24:43,481
DARYL: That's the toughest
guy in Letterkenny.
441
00:24:43,565 --> 00:24:44,941
(BLOWING PARTY WHISTLE)
33107
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