All language subtitles for Le.Jardinier.2025.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX] (SDH)

(♪♪)

(LIGHT STEPS)

(TAKING BREATHS)

(GRUNTS)

(SCREAMING)

(GRUNTS)

(PANTING)

SERGE:
No, no, no, no! No, no, no!

Help!

Help! Help!

No! No! No!

Help!

Help me! Help me!

(BODY THUDS)

(DOOR SLAMS SHUT)

Hornet 2 to Hornet 1.
The king's been secured.

I repeat,
the king's been secured.

(DOOR OPENS)

(SERGE GROANS)

Help me.

-(PUNCHES)
-(GRUNTS)

(KNIFE SLICES)

(GRUNTS)

(YELLS)

(GRUNTING)

(LEAVES CRUNCHING)

(GRUNTS)

(KNIFE SLICING)

(GRUNTING)

(BODY THUDS)

(GUNSHOTS)

(STRUGGLING GRUNTS)

Do you know how much time
I spent on the flowerbed?

-Huh?
-No.

A long time.

(GRUNTS)

(SCREAMS)

(♪♪)

(MOTORBIKE REVS)

(FAINT STEPS)

PHOEBUS:
Hello?

MAN 1: (ON PHONE)
The list is ready.

PHOEBUS:
Roger that, sir.

MAN 1: (ON PHONE)
It's on it's way.
Only five names this year.

You've got 48 hours tops.

PHOEBUS:
Consider it done.

Standing by for the list.

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR SHUTS)

(LAUGHS)

PHOEBUS:
Our code names just came in.

ESMERALDA:
You're just jealous.

This year, you're Quasimodo.

Hm.

You're Esmeralda.

Why me?
He can be Esmeralda.

Why do I always get
the crappy handles?

I'm Phoebus.

ESMERALDA:
Pain in the ass.

PHOEBUS:
The list is on its way.

All right, men?
Moving out.

Hunting season's open.

(GRUNTS, LAUGHS)

ESMERALDA:
We're gonna make
a killin', boss.

(MOTORBIKE REVS)

(BREAKS SLASH)

(MOTORBIKE REVS)

WOMAN 1:
Watch out!

(THUDS)

(♪♪)

Senator, it's the Friday
of a long weekend.

I'm still at the presidency
in my office,

and believe me,
those hallways are quite empty.

(LAUGHS)

Likely not much better
at the senate, huh?

(LAUGHS)

Uh, so if I'm currently here,
it's only because

your bill proposal is deemed
important by the president.

And as a matter of fact
the president just came

in the room.
So, if you'll excuse me.

-What is it?
-MIA: You're working?

-SERGE: Uh, no. Not really.
-This here spells work.

-SERGE: No, not at all. No.
-MIA: You are working.

No, this was actually planned
for--

MIA:
You've got your YouTuber set up.

Believe me, I don't--

Pull the other one, will ya?
Didn't you promise me a weekend?

SERGE:
It's still only Friday.

-We're at the beach house.
-SERGE: Right.

And your daughter
is driving me crazy.

Honey, that's no way
to talk about a baby.

I mean, come on.

I'm referring
to your Selena Gomez.

Listen to that.

Get off the stage.
You're underage.

Time to disengage.

Or I'll go on a rampage
and slam you in it.

MIA:
Isn't that right?

I'm taking a bath.
Over to you.

Just, I'll be done
with the senator very shortly.

After that, I'll join you
in the bathroom.

Get in the bath
and we can relax.

MIA:
That's not what I'm asking.
The bath is for me.

You take the baby
just this once.

SERGE:
I see, so you think
I mind taking care

of my baby girl?

Uh, let me remind you,
Mrs. Shuster,

that I was a parent
before you were, okay?

-Talking about your daughter?
-Yeah.

Who looks down her nose at you?

Uh-huh. Touché.

Huh? Who hits you up
for money?

SERGE:
That's her.

Who calls you
by your first name?

-SERGE: Yes.
-Some daughter she is.

-Okay.
-MIA: She's more like your bro.

-Okay. I, uh--
-Yeah?

I think it's about time
you left.

Right now
you could take Charlotte.

Thank you.
Thank you, yes.

You could give her her milk
just this once.

-Of course. Absolutely.
-Yeah?

Go strengthen your pelvic
floor, yeah?

-SERGE: Thanks for dropping by.
-MIA: Do your job for once.

Okay. Great.

I tried pumping my milk.

I pumped and pumped,
nothing came out.

And as for working
my Elvis,

never was a big fan anyway.

(SIREN WAILING)

PARAMEDIC 1:
Non responsive.

PARAMEDIC 2:
He's in circulatory shock.

PARAMEDIC 1:
No pulse.

SERGE:
Of course. Of course.

Regardless,
I trust the president entirely

on the matter.

First chance I get,
I'll call Grondin.

I mean, I--
I'll call his chief of staff.

Yes, Grondin's chief of staff.
Why, of course.

Now, what do we have here?
Ugh, gross.

Huh? Isn't that--

Isn't that my little
Serge right there?

(LAUGHS)

I'll be damned.

Absolutely.

Uh, I'm gonna have
to hang up, Mr. Secretary.

I've got an incoming.

Thank you, goodbye.

Hey, buddy.
How you doing?

SERGE:
What brings me the honor
of hearing

your sweet little voice,
you yappy little terrier?

Oh, yeah?
You're a fine one to talk, eh?

Should I start yapping at you?
Woof, woof.

(LAUGHS)

My Dominique.
How's my Dodo doing?

Fine, I'm fine.

Uh, listen.
Guess what?

In our deliveries
this morning at uh,

the hospital,
they brought me some courier guy

-from the National Guard.
-Huh.

And this charming dude
who happens

to be thoroughly deceased,
and in my medical opinion,

irreversibly.

So believe it or not,
this uh, fine gentleman

had an envelope
on his person.

Okay.

We looked inside
and found a list

which featured five names.

Okay, and?

And among those five names,
guess what?

I checked it out.

'Cause it just so happens
I can read.

Surprise, surprise.

Your good name was right there.
Fifth position.

-(LAUGHS)
-Huh?

-A listed name?
-Yes.

-Including mine? You sure?
-Uh, sir?

DR. ROUMA: (ON PHONE)
So?

Should I put this bathrobe away?

DR. ROUMA: (ON PHONE)
What do you say to that?

-It was lying around.
-In the wash.

Should I toss it in the laundry?

SERGE:
Ugh!

So, uh, uh,
describe the envelope.

Well, it's the manila kind.

It's seriously bloodstained,
covered in blood.

Figures poor guy splattered
all to hell, so--

Manila?
Ah, ministry of finance.

Of course.
You know what?

It would appear
that your pal Sergio,

is shortlisted for the position
of Minister of Finance, huh?

Excuse me, Mr. Minister.
Don't forget your pals.

(LAUGHS)

Champagne's on you!

Ping me a photo, so I know
all the schmucks I'm up against.

I'll send you a photo, brother.
No problem.

Thanks a million, buddy.

DR. ROUMA: (ON PHONE)
You hang up first.

No, you-- No, no.
You hang up.

You first. You first. Hang up.

Yeah, we both hang up on three.

-1, 2, 3.
-1, 2, 3.

Hanging up!

(LAUGHS)

Goofy old Sergio.

Goofy old Dodo, I swear.
Yeah, let's see.

Sivardire, huh?
So why am I the last one?

(METAL GRAZING)

(♪♪)

(♪♪)

(HEAVY BREATHS)

ALICE:
Oh, God.
What the hell?

(♪♪)

Whoa!

So I just talked to my papa.

He said uh, if you're able
to pull out the weeds

and stuff,
what he told me is you can stay.

Have a good day, Miss Alice.

(GASPING)

ESMERALDA:
All right.
Easy does it.

Don't be scared, my friend.
Ah, and shaking.

-Don't do it, please.
-Poor fellow.

-Ah, he's so sweet.
-Don't, please. Please.

You work in a hospital.
You're not afraid of death.

-You see it every day.
-I don't wanna die.

Ah, poor fellow, I feel for you.

Well, let's clear the air
before we get to work.

DR. ROUMA:
Why me?

DR. ROUMA:
What did I do?

ESMERALDA:
Let the grownups talk.

(SHUSHES)

-Why Esmeralda?
-Why not?

Because it's a crappy name.

You're the hunchback
and I'm the girly?

Frankly,
Esmeralda suits you fine.

ESMERALDA:
You get to be Quasimodo, huh?

Esmeralda's a gypsy.
Don't forget.

Good dancer, hot as hell.

I hate gypsies

and their two-bit
roadside attractions.

-They stink--
-Don't kill me please.

ESMERALDA:
Just go ahead, do it.

-Aw, poor sweet baby.
-Don't.

There, there.

Come on now,
go join your friends in heaven.

Off you go, there.

Massive coronary.

(PHONE BEEPS)

Last call was to Serge Shuster.

He sent him
a photo of the list.

Ah, Shuster.

He's item five on the list.

He just got prioritized.

There's no one like me!

Alice? Alice? Oh.

What?
Serge, can't you see I'm busy?

-Come over here with me.
-What? What's the big deal?

Exactly, it is a big deal
that we treat each other

with care and attention.

Huh?
That defines family.

So, be attentive to your sister
and stop being so loud, please.

-Half-sister.
-Don't go there.

You said sister,
but we're half-sisters.

Bye, Sergio.

What's with everyone today, huh?

(ALICE VOCALIZES IN BACKGROUND)

Give me a break.

(CAR VROOMS)

QUASIMODO:
Where are you, you little shit?

There you are.

So what'd you find?

QUASIMODO:
Here he is,
right on the button.

We're going out of town.

Guy's at his beach house
with his family.

Send two special op units
to his place.

QUASIMODO:
A house fire?

An entire family barbeque
together?

That's pretty damn tragic.

ESMERALDA:
We're the angels of death.

There we are. Yeah?

Mommy's gonna take her bath.
Just five minutes.

ALICE:
Get out of my village.
You're cramping my style.

(BABY CRIES)

MIA:
No. No!

I'm gonna kill her!

No, sweetie.
Sleepy time, sleepy time.

Mommy has an idea.
Let me see.

Coming, coming.
Yes, my little worm.

Let's try this.

Oh.

(BABY COOING)

MIA:
There we are.

Isn't that better?

Works every time.

Why didn't mommy
do that sooner?

Now I'll be in my bath,

right after
I rip her throat out.

That's the street right there.

It's item one on the list,
Sivardire.

We could stop here
and do him first.

Nothing wrong
with a little warm up.

QUASIMODO:
Makes sense.

He agrees with me.

Saves time.

Come on, boss.
Be nice, huh?

I wanna hurt somebody.
Come on now.

Be a sport, boss.

PHOEBUS:
Okay.

Choppity-chop. Yep.

-JEANNE: Sir?
-(SHUSHES)

(SIGHS)

JEANNE:eo.

Look, I made
some fresh lemonade.

Nice and cool.
It's so hot out today.

Really hot, yes.
Thanks, Jeanne.

Mmm.

Ah.

-LEO: Buddha's hand.
-Oh?

With...

JEANNE:
With?

Three drops of citron.

My goodness.
That's so impressive, Leo.

I-- I mean,
that's so impressive.

Thank you.
Thank you, Jeanne.

(♪♪)

ESMERALDA:
Another one down.

There.
One down, four to go.

Accidental fall
down the stairs?

I was planning
something elaborate,

but the genius idea
of Isaac Newton

is allied with the state.

The laws of gravity
are the ultimate weapon.

Waxing lyrical.

You just pushed an old man
down the stairs.

Don't play the evil mastermind.
What's with this guy?

We're moving on to item five.
Shuster, here we come.

Oh, this feels great.
You're right, babe.

This is amazing.
I should bathe more often.

NEWS REPORTER: (ON SPEAKER)
News flash,
we've been informed

of the sudden death
of Phillipe Sivardire,

Undersecretary at the Ministry
of Foreign Affairs

these past two years,

in charge
of international partnerships.

More coming up
in the 10:00 a.m. news.

Oh, no. Mia!

Did you hear the news?

MIA:
Yeah! Don't care.

That fool, Sivardire,
kicked the bucket.

MIA:
I don't care.

Don't get me wrong.
I'm in shock.

Just one less name
on the list.

MIA:
Yes, still don't care!

Poor fool.

This weekend is off
to a very promising start.

(TOOLS CLANGING)

(BOATS REVVING)

(♪♪)

(WATER WHOOSHING)

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Sweetheart?

What on-- what on earth is that?

What are those creeps doing
in the garden?

Look at that!
Look at that!

What's wrong with these people?

This is private property,
so get lost.

These guys have
another thing coming.

Private property means--

(BULLET PEWS)

The best song
you're about to hear my song

right here, yes!
The meanest song, yeah!

Hey, hey...

Uh.

(SCREAMS)

What was the screech?

MIA:
It's not a screech,
it's a note.

Yeah? You've noticed
your daughter can't sing.

No, no, I know
my daughter's compositions.

I know what she does
with her voice.

That's not her singing.

Alice?
Alice, you there?

Can a man get a minute of peace?
I mean, give me a break.

This is bullshit.

Alice, I'm coming out
of the bath.

(GRUNTS)

Where's my bathrobe?
Thank you, Jeanne.

Is it too much to ask?
One weekend of peace and quiet.

A five-minute-soak in the bath.
Nope, in my dreams.

Alice?

(♪♪)

MIA:
You stole my bathrobe.

(SHUSHES)

It's a home-jacking.

We should phone the police.

The police?

We'll be dead
before they make it here.

Do it. No choice.

Phone the police.
I'll deal with these guys.

Like hell you will.

Get the police.
I'll get the ministry.

I got this.
You, get it together.

Huh?

Go hide with Charlotte.
Don't let them hear you.

Go.

What about you?

Don't worry.
It's all good.

I'll deal with Alice
and the police.

What happened
to the damn signal?

Shit, shit, shit.

Get Alice, get the cops.
Get Alice, get the cops.

(♪♪)

(GRUNTS)

(TRIMMER BUZZING)

(♪♪)

(GRUNTS)

Where? The closet.

The bathroom.

The closet.

Uh, uh, uh, the bathroom.

(GRUNTS)

(SCREAMS)

(GRUNTS, PANTS)

(TAKING SOFT BREATHS)

(CLINKING NEARBY)

(♪♪)

(SCREAMS)

(KICKS)

(GRUNTING)

-Take that, you shit!
-(CLOSET DOORS THUMPING)

In your face!
Five years of CrossFit, asshole!

The bathroom.
The bedroom.

The bathroom.

(BULLET PEWS)

(BODY THUDS)

SERGE:
No! Don't!
Somebody, help me.

(BODY THUDS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

(YAWNING)

(FAINT NOISES)

(GROANS)

Mr. Serge?

Mr. Serge?

Are you all right?
Are you all right?

(GROANS)

Mr. Serge?
Mr. Serge?

(GROANS)

(SCREAMS)

Holy shit!

(SCREAMS)

What the hell is that stuff?
It's strong!

It's adrenaline, Mr. Serge.

Mm, my boy, Leo.
Mm, my dear boy, Leo.

Ooh, it's so good to see you.
Oh, I'm happy to see your face.

Stuff's amazing, huh?

Real shot in the arm,
it's itchy.

Itchy as hell.
Oh! Oh, does it feel good.

Woo!

(LAUGHS)

This is a burglary!

We're caught in the middle
of a home jacking, amigo.

Right smack in the middle
of a home jacking.

My wife, my daughters.
My daughters, my wife.

They're dead.

No, no.
They're sleeping, Mr. Serge.

They're asleep.

Thank you.
Thank you.

They don't know
who they're up against, do they?

Won't be the police I'm calling.
It's the ministry.

SWAT teams is what
we're gonna get.

Let's see how they like it
in Guantanamo?

Those miserable shit wads!
I'm Serge Shuster, goddamn it!

No point.
There's no signal.

Of course, there's a signal.
I had a relay station put in.

Network's there.

PHOEBUS: (ON WALKIE-TALKIE)
Order one, status?

FRELON 1:
Confirmed all pieces
on chessboard.

All of them, except the king
and the little pawn.

The fuck do you mean by that?

When we get there,
I'll conduct a complete debrief

on the situation.

We're on site in 30 minutes.

Well, I'm your man
when the shit hits the fan.

I can be vicious.
You know me.

When I let loose,
I'm a real beast.

SERGE:
Why no signal?
There's no signal.

Where'd the signal go?
Where are we exactly?

What is this, a rain shed?
What'd you do to this place?

I like it.
It feels kind of larger.

LEO:
We're-- we're in a cave.

In a cave, where?

The house is new, not the cave.

You know, Leo, my boy,
it's incredibly frustrating

that you're always so cryptic
about everything.

Now, that's your choice
and I totally respect that,

but you're more than limited
when it comes

to your vocabulary.

So, could you make an effort
to explain somewhat

more precisely where we happen
to be here?

We are under the garden
where the Resistance

used to hide
during World War II.

All right.

In a cave under my gardens
where the Resistance

used to hide
during World War II.

Couldn't be clearer.
How could I not think of that?

You know, I got a plan.
Let 'em do their thing.

Oh, easy there.

We let 'em find
all my Rolex watches

and the 10,000 in cash
that I've stashed

in the sock drawer, and then
we flush 'em gently out.

Problem solved.

Now, what's this
weapon collection

you got here, my boy?

Whoa, whoa. Be careful.
Don't touch that, Mr. Serge.

Three special force units,
that's a bit much for Rolex.

Special forces?

Has anything happened,
something unusual?

Ah, well, ah, yes, I have.

There's this list
of five prospective ministers.

I am short-listed
to become minister.

Well, four ministers really,
because Sivardire tumbled down

his stairs this morning
like the moron he is.

(LAUGHS) That's it.

Apart from that,
nothing unusual, no.

Five names on the list,
including yours?

Including mine, yes.

The first one is dead?

Well, he died and the list
was found on, on the corpse

of a courier
from the National Guard.

No. No, no, no, no, no.

What?

The executive blacklist.

The executive blacklist?

Right, it's a list
of certain individuals

that the prime minister might,
very hypothetically,

be entitled
to eliminate every year

in the name
of national security.

Eliminate?

One thing's for sure.

If it's the executive blacklist
and these men aren't burglars.

All of us are about to die,
and you, too.

That's not possible.

You are absolutely gonna die.

No, because
I'm dead already, Mr. Serge.

SERGE:uh?

(♪♪)

What could possibly
have gone wrong?

Esmeralda,
bring the guests up front.

Uh, they're not really guests
in their own home,

but I get your point, huh?

You want a jamboree?

Fine with me

as long as the kids
aren't screaming.

-I don't want the family hurt.
-Mm-hmm.

Quasimodo, get creative.

I can give you a pretty fire,
something classy,

like they did at Notre Dame.

Yeah, like in that movie?
Not a bad plan, dude.

The monster thinks.

I already like this place.

I promised to take Mia
to visit Peru.

She would have climbed
Machu Picchu, that's out.

And my sweet little Charlotte,
my baby,

I spent so little time with her.

But why, huh?
What have I done?

I love plants.

Why'd you say that?

Because plants never complain.

They live, they grow, they die,
but they never complain.

I don't call this complaining.

I'm just concerned
about the fate of my family

and myself.

-You're fine, you got nobody.
-Okay.

SERGE:
You won't be missed.

Thanks, I'm good.
Really, I get the point.

My situation's different.

It's you they're after.

Another thing,
why wouldn't they kill

my family, too?

The death have
to appear natural.

A fall or heart attack,
uh, a house fire.

I hear you.

You know everything,
so enlighten me.

Why pick on me, huh?

Why are you on that list?

That's what I'm asking you,
boyo.

A sensitive file maybe.

Oh my God, yes.

Of course, that's it.
It's that file.

I got a memo two weeks ago
about an investigation

on that very list,
and so I read the thing

and forwarded it to Sivardire.

And then, bam!

This morning,

Sivardire falls down
his own staircase.

Then, bam!

Again this afternoon,

special forces come storming
into my beach house.

That's it.

That's how I landed
on their list.

(MAKES WHOOSH SOUND)

Oh, I'm clever.
I'm so clever.

My boy Leo,
I know this is way over

your pay grade,
plus it's gonna bring you

pretty far
from your comfort zone.

Yeah.

SERGE:
I'm gonna ask you to help me.

We're gonna get that file
straight off my computer

and we'll put it to use
like a bulletproof vest.

Put ourselves back in the game.

And that's where you and me
get to nail those assholes

to the wall!

Sorry to disappoint,
but it's time

for fear to change sides.

El Sergio is back-o!

Yeah, so.

Right, I'm not dressed for
this, but you get my drift.

(♪♪)

(MUMBLING)

-What happened?
-FRELON 1: Watch the g--

PHOEBUS:
Watch the what?

(INDISCERNIBLE SPEECH)

They got what?

(INDISCERNIBLE SPEECH)

Garbage can?

There's something
in the garbage?

Is that it?

(INDISCERNIBLE SPEECH)

Got what? Golf cart?

Is that it, golf cart?
You got hit by a golf cart?

Is it a golf cart?
No?

(INDISCERNIBLE SPEECH)

ESMERALDA:
Gallbladder?
Eh, gargle mouthwash.

Quit playing with me! Soldier!
Is it what? Fuck! Fuck!

Watch the go what?
Watch the go what?

-Watch the go what?
-(TABLE BREAKS)

PHOEBUS:
Watch the go what?
Watch the go what?

(PANTING)

(SHOELACE TIGHTEN)

(GARDEN SHEAR SNIPS)

(AXE SHARPENS)

(♪♪)

Are you ready?

Am I ready?
You mean now?

We're not even armed.

Going in with pruning shears,
a pitchfork,

and a couple of rakes?

(LAUGHS)

It's very cute,
this Rambo complex of yours,

but do you really think
you're Sly Stallone, my boy,

huh?

No?

You may be the boss
at trimming rose bushes,

but this isn't
about keeping wild ferns

in check or killing fungus
off peach trees.

These guys are killers
and they are on a mission.

And you don't strike me as
particularly equipped for this.

So if you're unable
to deliver the goods,

I much prefer to go in alone.

That's too long.
Way too long.

What? What's too long?

Mr. Serge, when you speak,
it's just too long.

Well, better that
than too short.

Hey, wait for me.

How long will it take you
to get a file?

I don't know.
Five minutes?

No, no. Three.

All right. Three.

(♪♪)

(BEEPING)

Pfft. So emotional.

I just love working
with beeswax.

It works in three ways.

It's super flammable,

leaves zero trace, mm,
and man, does it smell good.

Gotta love the stuff.

You Africans are really
into smells, aren't you?

I had a neighbor from Mali,
Mrs. Sumaki,

made this peanut chicken stew.

Oh.

Smelled really good.

QUASIMODO:
Just shut your trap.

What'd I say?

(♪♪)

SERGE:
Follow me.

(SHUSHES)

SERGE:
Stealthy as a jungle cat.

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Stop.

(TAKES A DRAG)

(FLOWERS CRUNCH)

Those are delicate
white azaleas.

(GRUNTS)

SERGE:
What are you doing now?

Damn it, Leo,
I can hear you out there.

You think it's appropriate
to be pruning the bushes?

(♪♪)

Damn, he split.
Shuster split!

He's moving out.

(♪♪)

The man just split.
People call us, "the hooligans".

(BOAT REVS IN THE DISTANCE)

Don't be too noisy.

Look at me,
I got the stealth.

-Let's go over there.
-LEO: Okay.

(♪♪)

Okay. Here it is.

Let's synchronize our watches.

You don't have a watch?
That's just great.

Three minutes.

Three minutes.

Go, go, go, go.

And we're in.

So,
the executive blacklist memo.

You are the reason
the prime minister

wants me offed.

Tough luck, baby.

You messed with El Sergio.

-LEO: Mr. Serge?
-Big mistake, guys.

You're gonna feel the sting,
because bam--

LEO:
Mr. Serge?

El Sergio is bluetooth-ing
that very file

to his telephone,
which is right where he--

Oh, man.
Telephone.

Or USB key.

Goddamn it,
tell me I got a USB somewhere.

You got a USB key?
U-S-B.

No, no.
Don't have it, no.

Great, thank a lot.

Of course, brainwave.

Yes! Dash of genius.

I'll just send it
to the baby's iPod.

Wait for it.

And yes!

(LOUD THUD)

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

All good. All right.

Okay, so.

This is how
papa's gonna save you kids.

Where you going?
Where you going?

Gotta find Charlotte's iPod.
It's in her bedroom.

It's all good.

No, no. Stick with me.

SERGE:
Nope.

Psst. You stick with me.

Now listen here, my boy.

I've had just about enough,
right?

Go and repot your gladiolas.
Leave the action to me.

Got seven years
of Shotokan karate

under my belt,
so don't you worry about me.

-Come back here.
-SERGE: No.

I'll be as quiet as a coyote.

(LOUD THUDS)

Get a move on!

And I want him
in good condition.

Let's go! On with it!
Get in there!

Look alive.
Let's go, let's go, let's go.

Do it. Get on with it.

Move your ass now!

(SNORING)

ESMERALDA:
Shut your face.

(♪♪)

But we always keep it here.
It's always here.

(CHARLOTTE COOING)

Oh, yes.

(GRUNTS)

Come on, babykins.

(SCREAMS)

Oh.

(SIGHS)

(GUN COCKS)

(GASPS)

No.

Back off, I have a baby.

Leo?

(GRUNTING)

(PUNCHES AND KICKS)

The boat was empty.

Those fuckers staged
a diversion.

Quasimodo set up a perimeter.
Esmeralda--

Stop calling me that,
I can't frickin' stand it.

PHOEBUS:
King's in the palace.
You can get nasty.

10-4.

Finally, we set the devil free.

(COCKS GUN)

There, there.

Watch the old lady.

(♪♪)

(WHISTLES)

Over here.

Go, go, go.

(GRUNTS)

LEO:
Shh, quiet.

(STABS)

LEO:
Quiet!

Help!

(PUNCHES)

Quiet.

Quiet.

SERGE:
That one's looking at me.

(CHARLOTTE COOING)

(GRUNTS)

(SCREAMS)

Shh.

(PUNCHES)

(CHARLOTTE GIGGLES)

SERGE:
No!

ESMERALDA:
God-like hands.

Talk about great father,
take that shit.

SERGE:
You outta your mind?

(GRUNTING)

(HITS AND THROWS)

(STABS)

Ah, you're a handsome man.

(PUNCHES)

SERGE:
Leo.

(CHARLOTTE CRYING)

(GRUNTS)

SERGE:
Leo, trouble.
Leo, trouble, now.

ESMERALDA:
I'm gonna destroy you.

SERGE:
Leo?

ESMERALDA:
You and your shitty baby.

-(STABS)
-(GRUNTS)

SERGE:
Leo!

(GAGGING)

(VOMITS)

I cannot believe this
goddamn freaking kid!

(CHARLOTTE CRYING)

(GAGS)

ESMERALDA:
Got some in my mouth.

(KNIFE SLICES)

Ah! No fair.
Some kind of dick move.

SERGE:
Well played.

Mr. Serge, let's go.
Come on, let's go.

ESMERALDA:
I'll put an end to this.
You, you're dead.

(ESMERALDA GRUNTING)

What about my family?

There's no time.

-Hold on a second.
-What?

-This way.
-No, that's a really bad idea.

-Over there.
-SERGE: Really bad idea.

(♪♪)

SERGE:
Can't hide down here.

Yes, we can.

Look I think I know my own
house better than you do.

It is my house.

Open your ears
every now and then.

LEO:
Keep moving.

There's nowhere to run, huh?
So what do we do?

Keep moving.

SERGE:
Keep moving?
You're a funny guy.

Moving where,
onto the shelves?

Want me to hide
in a can of beans?

Hey, this is important.

Yes.
As Charlotte will appreciate it.

What do we do now?

LEO:
We keep on going.

Huh?

LEO:
We keep on going.

(GRUNTS)

SERGE:
Oh!

Come on.

SERGE:
That's amazing.

LEO:
Hold on.

SERGE:
Really amazing.

Amazing.

Wait, don't move.
Let me close up.

Still amazing.

-Mr. Serge?
-SERGE: Yes?

-Are you shaking?
-SERGE: Yes.

Are you cold or just scared?

Uh, a bit of both probably.

Say, Leo, a gardener
who does martial arts?

Could there be
a few lines missing

from your resume
you might want to share?

Or not.

Wait.

That way.

SERGE:
Who pays
for the power down here?

(GRUNTING)

All right.

(GRUNTING)

Yes, I've been puked on, yes.

Shuster and company,
had a guy with him,

maybe a friend of the family
or I don't know,

some kind of bodyguard.

Either way,
I got my butt destroyed.

He's incredibly handsome, too.

Glorious complexion.

Very limber.

Dig up all you can about him.

I've got DNA samples
on all of his tools.

And?

QUASIMODO:
We'll soon have a positive ID
on Esmeralda's new girlfriend.

If he's got his pubes plucked,
I'm gonna know about it.

So, Barracuda's a funny man now?

I'm gonna have a shower.
I smell like manure.

Do that.

Appreciate it, sir.

He had unbelievable strength.
Gift of the gods.

I was helpless.
The guy's a freak.

Find out
how they left the premises.

I want the place searched.
Be thorough!

LEO:
They won't hurt them.

-SERGE: What do you know?
-LEO: I just know.

SERGE:
I get that plants
are your thing,

that and smacking people around
evidently,

but human nature's
a tad more complex, boyo.

I tell you,
they're gonna kill them.

They would have done it by now.

Speaking of doing,
someone's done a doo-doo.

-Roger that.
-In such a big way, too.

(CHARLOTTE COOING)

Oof. I did warn you.

Ooh, it's an issue.
It's always been a huge issue.

It's just abominable.

-We need diapers.
-We do need diapers, yes.

Give me your bathrobe.

What about my bathrobe?

You're not turning my robe
into diapers, are you?

Of course, I am.

I'm wearing all I have
and I'm already freezing,

so thanks, but no thanks.

There are clothing in the back.
Look in the crate.

Wonderful.

So let's just make the diapers
out of the clothes in the crate.

They're from 1943.
Not so good for baby skin.

Yeah, I can't argue with that.

All right.

Yeah, but it's still a no, no.
I'm-- I'm not doing that.

Serge, give me that robe.

Now.

This is ridiculous.
Look the other way.

They might be serial killers,
but I'm still your employer.

This is ridiculous.
And you, you're a pervert.

Ridiculous.
Ridiculous.

(BABY COOING)

SERGE:
No, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no.

You're gonna catch a cold,
Mr. Serge.

SERGE:
Maybe,
but I am not wearing this.

Not negotiable.

No, no, no, no, no.
No, Leo, no.

I'm so very sorry,
but this is just not possible.

Nope.
It's not my thing.

So, there's a big issue
with comfort.

For starters,
this isn't my size.

It's much too large.
Look at this, huh?

And furthermore, well,
there's an obvious

moral imperative.

'Cause when your name
is Serge Shuster

and your initials spell out
S-S, you don't wear

German uniforms
from World War II.

First off, this cap is out.
I'm not gonna go there.

That's final.

If you'd suggested
one of those brown shirts,

ah, now that's different.

Not that I'm a fan of the Nazis,
because I hate all of them.

-So do I.
-SERGE: Hm. Good.

But those shirts were
at least designed by Hugo Boss.

Darker color scheme,
a bit more sober.

That had some allure.

These guys marched into town,
ha, the locals did have

something to cheer.

All this military shit
doesn't compare.

I'm sorry.

Do we change the baby?

SERGE:
That's not a diaper.

Yes, it is.

Status, Hornet 1.

Still looking for them, sir.

A hop, a skip, and a jump
and off we go.

(CHUCKLE)

LEO:
She's so cute.

Yeah, people make
a big deal out of it,

but it's really
not that difficult.

I try to get out of that chore.

My wife gets really angry
with me,

but from here on out,
I'll be one changing you, honey.

Hmm?
How about that?

Your papa will be changing
your diapers.

Your papa's so fun.
Papa's gonna change you.

Isn't that right,
my little sweetie?

-Yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh.
-(CHARLOTTE GIGGLING)

Whoops.

Fine diaper you've made.

Congratulations.

LEO:r. Serge, mind if I try?

Oh, so you think there's
nothing you can't pull off?

Problem's not in putting it on,
it's the diaper itself.

You just botched the diaper.
This is insane.

Leo, it will not stay on.
Just look at it. Look.

And that's it.

It's only a diaper.
Just get over it, huh?

Oh, you're happy now.
Oh, you're so smug.

Leo managed to get a diaper
on Charlotte.

Ooh, that's so incredible.
Can I have my daughter now?

Huh?
Thanks a bunch.

There, that's much better.

Better off with papa, aren't we?

-Just the two of us.
-(CHARLOTTE CRYING)

You're better off with papa
than with that dirty old Leo.

Dirty old Leo.

Yes, with his dirty old hands.
That's better.

Da, da, da, da, da.

-Da, da.
-Da, da, da.

That's perfect,
battery's dead.

That means the alarm goes off
in 5, 4, 3, 2...

...and 1.

(CHARLOTTE CRYING)

SERGE:
Bingo, there you go.

We're in for 20 minutes.

Only gets worse from here.

And there's no off switch.

-There's music on the thing.
-SERGE: Yeah.

Hey, where you going with that?
Where are you going with that?

Be very careful.

That there
is my family's life insurance.

Your family's life insurance?

It's me.

Whoa, okay,
step down from that pedestal.

Hey.

(SERGE WHISTLES)

Look at that big head of yours,
you can deflate it a bit, okay?

A watermelon lives
in a veggie patch,

not on your shoulders.

Just 'cause you slapped
a couple goons around,

all of a sudden
you're a great hero, huh?

What the heck
are you doing over there?

I'm warning you,
if you come back as a Nazi,

we won't be entertained.

(MECHANICAL NOISES)

MIA:
Where-- where's my baby?
She's only 6 months old.

-Uh-oh.
-Where's my father?

-Hey. Take what you want.
-Keep busting my nuts, ladies.

Why aren't you
at the other places?

We've got nothing here?

And we have a nice car
in the garage.

You know my dad's
a hugely important person.

Shut your daughter up now.
Shut up!

-She's not my mom.
-Damn, this is painful.

That won't give them
the satisfaction.

I just need to know
where my baby is.

Sit the fuck down.

I don't have your baby
or your husband. Got that?

And I bet that really
pisses you off, huh?

Listen, punk,
I'm going to give you

an education
you never dreamed of.

This ain't Pokémon or Naruto.
This is life.

Look at me, look at me.

I'm gonna teach you
what your daddy never did.

Awake at last.

ESMERALDA:
Gonna quit busting my nuts.

(SNORING)

PHOEBUS:
Your family aside,
who's in this house?

Nobody.
Honestly, nobody.

Well, there is Leo.

Leo? Who's Leo?

Uh, he's the gardener.

-You lying to me?
-Not at all.

That's twice.

ALICE:
You said in the house.

It's written all over you.

Gardener is in the garden.

-What does he do?
-Well, he gardens.

Ah, I'm getting really annoyed.
You're--

Hold on. That's on you.
You don't like stupid answers?

Stop asking stupid questions.

I'll take a break.
I'm the volatile type.

People die that way.

-(MECHANICAL WHIRRING)
-(CHARLOTTE CRYING)

Turn the crank five times,
five minutes of music there.

Oh, my goodness.
Oh, my goodness.

Is that's so uh,
that's quite something.

Full props for the handiwork.
Very impressive.

What now?
What's the plan?

Sometimes, I wonder
about this man.

Ah! Gardener's name
is Leonidas Apastegui.

He's been unaccounted for
since he was 20.

He's been off-radar for decades.

Man disappeared
without a trace, huh?

What is this?
I'm blocked?

Access denied?
The fuck is all this?

I'm blocked.
How'd that happen?

PHOEBUS:
Crack that file
and do it fast.

ESMERALDA:
His eyes are intense.

Who is this man?

Always found him
kind of bizarre.

So, my boy, Leo,
I doubt you learned

how to rip the heads
of paratroopers

by watching gardening
tutorials. Huh?

Didn't think so.

And how come you're so familiar
with my house?

All these blind spots
have a way of adding up,

you know?

Am I right?

That time you spilled
a few beans, you think?

(SIGHS)

Okay.

(EXHALES)

Go ahead. You?

LEO:
I, um, um--

Well?

I, uh...

SERGE:
Yes?

Uh, go on.

-Go on.
-No. No.

What do you mean no?

Come on!

We were doing beautifully!
Leo, no!

No, you can't do that.
Pain in the ass.

That's a bad habit you have.

Leaving people stranded
mid-sentence.

So thanks a bunch.
Perfect, good job.

I don't get you.
Is it a gardening thing?

I don't know, maybe.
Beats me.

Boss, we've got our first lead.

(♪♪)

So this is their hideout.

Flush that vermin out for me.

Those filthy rats won't know
what hit 'em.

I want 'em alive.

-All of 'em?
-Uh, just Shuster.

(♪♪)

My dear, boy.

I'll admit you're pretty old,
but still,

you weren't around
during World War II.

(♪♪)

You're gonna spill beans
one way or another,

because we know each other
well now.

(METALS CLANKING)

Not enough time.
We got visitors.

-It's always some excuse.
-Lights out.

What?
Why, what's going on?

-What's happening?
-It's going to be action.

SERGE:
Hold on a sec. What
am I supposed to do? Whoa!

LEO:
Whatever it is,
just don't do it.

(MOUSE SQUEAKING)

(CHARLOTTE COOING)

(♪♪)

(SCREAMS)

QUASIMODO:
Let's go.

(♪♪)

(GRUNTS)

(SCREAMING)

(CHARLOTTE CRYING)

SERGE:
Go to sleep, huh?
Put your music.

Please, baby, go to sleep now.
That's right, babykins.

You're going to sleep now.

(♪♪)

(CHARLOTTE COOING)

(♪♪)

(GRUNTING)

QUASIMODO:
Good thing you're here.
I'ma kill you dead.

Come here and get dead.
Come on.

Come on, what you waiting for?

(GRUNTING)

(KNIFE SLICING AIR)

(GROANS)

-(PUNCHES AND KICKS)
-(GRUNTING)

QUASIMODO:
You can see better now, huh?

(GRUNTS)

LEO:
What did you do?

I'm so sorry.

LEO:
I told you to do nothing.

But I can't see shit down here.

(GRUNTS)

QUASIMODO:
Shuster. The king at last.
Checkmate, is it?

SERGE:
No, no.
You're hard to make out.

You're still bloody scary.

You're lucky the boss wants you
alive this time.

Personally,
I would have ended you.

(GRUNTS)

(SCREAMS)

(GROANS)

SERGE:
Serves you right.

I hope it hurts a lot.

(GRUNTS)

SERGE:
I didn't say anything.
It wasn't me.

(GROANS, CHOKES)

(COUGHS)

(BONES CRACK)

(PUNCHES)

(ECHOES)

(GROANS)

-You all right?
-Adrenaline.

-What?
-Adrenaline.

Right.

In the leg?

(GROANS)

-SERGE: Yeah?
-Thanks.

-Yeah.
-Mr. Serge.

-Here, your glasses.
-Okay.

-Let's move out of here.
-All right.

We're outta here.
You're okay, my boy.

(SOBBING)

PHOEBUS:
Gardener, you hear me?

Hey, gardener.

We were supposed to drop
a guy on the coast.

We're playing tag
with a psychopath.

About as mismanaged
as they come, boss,

just saying.

-That florist is something else.
-The florist? No.

He's death with a scythe,
psycho with a pitchfork.

Chief, I told you
from the start,

this mission's bound to fail.

I've been sounding
the alarm bell.

Hey, chief.
Bum, bum, bum!

How do we pull this off
with names like Esmeralda?

Bound to fail.
It's hard for me to get over it.

Okay, I'm a sophisticated guy.
Fine-featured,

could have been a model,
college-educated,

decent family, the works.
But Esmeralda?

That's a bit cliché.

Of course,
I'm not as bad as that fool,

punching trees
all over the place.

You finished, Esme?

Esme is preferable

Chief, I was thinking
about the gardener.

Let's not settle
for a house fire.

What if we went a bit more,
uh, like fireworks?

Gardener with a checkered past,
massacres a family?

Hmm, why not?
Yeah, something like that.

I'm really glad you're onboard,
because I gotta confess,

it was getting boring.

And when the pace goes down,
well, you know me,

I go bat-shit crazy.

You get pissed off,
atmosphere goes pear-shaped,

it's all bad.

Now we got a little time,
I'll fry a couple eggs,

slice some turkey maybe.
I'm getting peckish.

I like it here.

SERGE:
You didn't even break
your glasses, well done.

Hey, thanks.

SERGE:
Hm.

Good lord, just getting her
to burp takes so long.

My arms are aching.

-Do you mind?
-Mind what?

(BURPS)

Whoa! That's incredible.

(CHUCKLES)

You did your burpee, snookums.
That's right.

You got a good thing going
with those arms.

That's something else.

Yeah, and you got
a manly pair of hands.

They're soft, too.
Pretty unusual for a gardener.

Hm.

Now, don't get me wrong
just because I've complimented

your hands, okay?

Could've said the same
about your ears,

but they're fugly.
Case closed.

(GRUNTING)

Goddammit.

He got shit-kicked as well.

Told you there's a psycho
in the house.

QUASIMODO:
Shit, that hurts.
We found the hide out.

But the gardener was waiting.

The whole place
is booby-trapped.

You have one hour to come up
with the Shusters

and their gardener friend.

I managed to clip him.
He's wounded.

But that guy's heavy-duty.
Never seen anything like it.

He's military.
Paratrooper, Marine maybe.

Kinda the same profile as you.

Big cajones, not a lot of
brain, regular meathead.

Shut the fuck up, Esmeralda.

Did you crack the file
on Apastegui?

Ah, not that easy, sir.

We'll get it,
just need a bit more work.

PHOEBUS:
Well, hurry it up.

I wanna know
my enemy's credentials.

Rome wasn't built
in a day, boss.

We'll get there.

And now, gardening's over.
Time for real bullets.

(COOING)

Mr. Serge.

Uh, no, no, no.
No, you don't.

(CHUCKLES)

Not doing this twice.
I got you figured.

You'll start a sentence
in January.

Finish it in March.

No thanks, my friend.
That's not my jam.

Mr. Serge.
I used to live in this house.

So that was it!
The house.

You lived there
before we bought it.

Okay, good.
I'm up to speed.

But still,
I really don't see the point

of making into
a six-part drama series, huh?

I was hiding in,
in the basement.

SERGE:
Ah! You played hide and seek.
Good, good, good.

That's really cute.

I was more into bicycling
when I was a kid.

Gave it up.
Too bad, it was a lot of fun.

(SIGHS)

My father was violent.

Count your blessings.

Better than being passive,
I guess.

I wasn't there for her.

I'm not sure
what are you talking about.

I'm talking about...

...my mama.

I understand.

Seems a bit left field,
but, uh...

(SNIFFLES)

I wasn't there for her.

(SOBS)

I'm sorry, Mr. Serge.

I'm sorry.

No, no.

He, shit...

He killed my mother.

He killed my mother.

He killed my mother.

As for me, I...

...well, I wasn't--
I wasn't there for her.

(SNIFFLES)

That's it.

And that's the reason I--
that's the reason

I'm not too big on words.

It's also the reason that I...

(SNIFFLES)

I love my flowers,
trees, plants...

and nature.

I feel good out here.
In your garden.

You know, here, I'm not alone.

I mean, plants don't talk.

But they-- they give you
so much love.

So, it's because of that I--
that I'm such...

(SNAPS)

That's why I'm such
a good gardener.

Oh, yes.
You're a great gardener, Leo.

You are.
We'll put it back together.

Don't worry about it.

(EXHALES)

Good talk, Mr. Serge.

That was brave.

Mr. Serge.
I like you.

You a good friend, you know?

You're not some tree
by yourself in the forest.

We are your forest.

You're not an isolated shrub,
alone, away

from all the other shrubs.
You are not that shrub.

You are a tree
in the Shuster family forest.

Thank you, sir.

(♪♪)

(EXHALES)

-(GUNSHOTS IN DISTANCE)
-(SCREAMS)

What's happening?
What's going on?

Nothing, it's okay.

-(CHARLOTTE CRYING)
-Come here. Come here.

They've been executed.
They've been executed.

No, they haven't.

How do you know?

Wrong sounds.

What do you mean wrong sounds?

They want a conversation.

-(SHOOTING)
-(GIRLS SCREAMING)

Pretty good.

LEO: (ON WALKIE-TALKIE)
Note to note, guys. The baby
has a sleeping problem.

My daughter, she was unharmed.

Charlotte.

Mr. Apastegui.

LEO: (ON WALKIE-TALKIE)
Leonidas Apastegui
died 30 years ago.

All due respect,
I beg to differ.

Quasimodo,
get that kid over here.

-Wait a second, no.
-No, no, no, no, no.

-She's only a child.
-No, no, no, no, no.

What do you want?
Please let her go!

-Where are you taking her?
-All right, already.

-Alice! Alice!
-Get yourself over here.

Heard enough out of you.

(SCREAMING)

Let her go!
Let her go!

Calm down now.

Ah, you fucking bitch!

SERGE:
Give me that.
Give me that.

Leave my family alone!
Let 'em go.

Shuster kid wants a word
with her papa.

You leave them alone!
You bastards!

Let me take care
of this piece of shit.

-(BODY THUDS)
-What was that?

-What's wrong with you?
-Sorry, must have slipped.

Feel the difference?
She was howling.

She's sleeping now.
It's better.

You're only after that file!

I'll give you
your goddamn file!

-Stop it. Stop it now!
-You miserable shits!

Just a slap-happy
sort of guy, huh?

All right.

What are you looking at,
you pig?

(SMACKS)

Fuck.

(SMACKS)

ESMERALDA:
It feels really good.

What's wrong with you?

It's therapeutic.
I might add.

Listen to me.

If we go in there,
it's finished for us.

For all of us.

Just calm down.

Come here you little mama
(INDISTINCT SPEECH),

huh?

Tell you what?
You're gonna be fine.

Trust me.

I can show you
where they keep madam's jewels

and Mr. Shuster's watches.

We're not thieves, lady.
Get serious.

You could be my mom.

Yeah, I'm so sorry
about that slap.

-Oh, it's no big deal.
-Sorry about that.

It's just, I'd rather not die.

I promise nothing
will happen to you,

That's right.

--sweet mama geezer.

Keep me safe, sir.
Keep me safe.

Hey, gardener.
Turn yourself in with Shuster

and his daughter
or I'll bump off

a family member.

Every 15 minutes.

I'm not a family member,
I just work here.

-I'm not family.
-Hey, why are you panicking?

I swear to you,
I'm not part of this family.

Why are you panicking,
you old sock? Come here.

JEANNE:
No.

(GRUNTS)

ESMERALDA:
Hunchback has a heart
like in the movie.

Here I was thinking
you were just another

angry African.

You're out of your village now,
so chill the fuck out.

There's no need
to worry like that, ma'am.

JEANNE:
Well, there is the--

Oh, you're strong as an ox.

QUASIMODO:
Why do you have
to be such a shit?

We're on the same side, brother.

Sir, may I go home now?

Of course, you can.

JEANNE:
Oh, thank you, sir.

(SLICES THROAT)

Son of a gun.

And I went and promised
the old coot she'd be okay.

All the same, boss,
that was pretty rad.

Cripes,
that's a shit load of blood.

Boo-yah.
Just pissing out.

We're in business.

The headline just changed.

Gardener with a shady background
cuts his first victim.

I'm gonna screw you
so hard, gardener.

Just want a conversation,
is that it? Huh?

Got the right sounds?
Yeah?

Got an extra piece.

Whoopsy daisy.

Time for you to have
a nice long nap.

-(GRUNTS)
-(BODY THUDS)

Compost.

It's the woke thing to do.

God have mercy on my soul.
I've sinned again.

Job is done.

They've killed Jeanne.

(CRYING)

That's enough of this.
Hold her.

Enough of this.

Where are those thingy
of yours?

Wait a second.
Hold on.

No, no, no.

(SCREAMS)

Shit's absolutely amazing.

Now listen, my boy, Leo.
It's time for action.

For my wife,
for my daughters,

and for your dear mommy.

Banzai!

Mr. Serge.

-Mr. Serge.
-Ya, ya, ya.

No, no.

Mr. Serge!

SERGE:
Ya, ya, ya, ya.

What an idiot!

♪ Hi, hi ♪

♪ We're your weather girls ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ And have we got
news for you ♪

♪ You better listen ♪

♪ Get ready all you
lonely girls ♪

(SPEAKS GERMAN)

♪ And leave those umbrellas
at home ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ Humidity is rising ♪

♪ Mm, rising ♪

♪ Barometer's getting low ♪

-♪ How low, girl? ♪
-♪ Uh-oh ♪

♪ According to all sources ♪

♪ What sources now? ♪

♪ The street's the
place to go ♪

♪ You better hurry up ♪

♪ 'Cause tonight
for the first time ♪

♪ First time ♪

♪ Just about half-past 10:00 ♪

♪ Half-past 10:00 ♪

♪ For the first time
in history,
it's gonna start raining men ♪

SERGE:
60 seconds.

♪ It's raining men! ♪

♪ Hallelujah!
It's raining men! Amen! ♪

(GRUNTS)

♪ I'm gonna go out to run
and let myself get ♪

-♪ Absolutely soaking wet! ♪
-(GRUNTS AND SCREAMS)

♪ It's raining men! Hallelujah!
It's raining men! ♪

Dang.

♪ Every specimen! ♪

-(CHUCKLES)
-(PUNCHES)

♪ Tall, blonde, dark and lean ♪

Compliments
of the French Republic.

Fucking Nazi.

♪ God bless Mother Nature ♪

♪ She's a single woman, too ♪

(GRUNTS)

♪ She took off to heaven ♪

♪ And she did
what she had to do ♪

(GRUNTS)

(SCREAMS)

(SPEAKS GERMAN)

(SPEAKS GERMAN)

(SPEAKS GERMAN)

(SPEAKS GERMAN)

-(FINGER THUDS)
-(SCREAMS)

(SPEAKS GERMAN)

Say hello to my little friend!

♪ It's raining men! ♪

-(SCREAMS)
-♪ Hallelujah! ♪

(GUNSHOTS)

♪ It's raining men! Amen! ♪

You fuck my wife!
You fuck my wife!

(GUNSHOTS)

(SCREAMS)

I'm the king of the world!

(LAUGHS)

To infinity and beyond!

(LAUGHS AND SCREAMS)

What happened?
Did I save them?

No more innocent life
will be lost today.

Is that clear?

Blink twice if you understood.
Okay, let's do this.

PHOEBUS:
Shuster!

(CRYING)

It'll be all right.

You have a problem
on your side of the fence.

I've got the centerpiece
of the puzzle.

And you're stuck without it.
Mr. Serge has an offer for you.

Go ahead.

LEO: (ON WALKIE-TALKIE)
An exchange.

Mr. Serge against his family.

Do I have your word?

Of course, you have my word.

LEO: (ON WALKIE-TALKIE)
Mr. Serge wants to speak
with them first.

They can hear you.

My love,
I will do my duty as a father.

MIA: (ON WALKIE-TALKIE)
No, my love. No.

Yes, listen to me.
It's the only way out.

Listen to me, honey.
You need to survive this.

All right?
I'm expendable.

No, please don't do this,
please.

I'm happy to go, too,
'cause I had the privilege

-of living with you.
-We can't go on without you.

Yes, you can.

Papa, don't do this.
I'm sorry for everything I said.

I'm sorry.
Please don't do this.

Beautiful daughter.

There's something I want you
to do for me.

ALICE: (ON WALKIE-TALKIE)
Don't sacrifice yourself.

I want you to live.

ALICE: (ON WALKIE-TALKIE)
Don't do this, papa.
Please.

Live life to the fullest.
Okay?

ALICE: (ON WALKIE-TALKIE)
Forgive me, papa.

Promise me that.

(CRYING)

Mia?

(CRYING)

-Please, please, please.
-Papa.

I'm gonna leave with your smile
engraved into my heart.

That very smile
was the light of my life.

(CRYING)

How will I manage
when you're not here anymore?

I'll take care of
your daughters.

And you'll tell Charlotte
that her father gave his life

for all of you.

That her father died a hero.
Huh?

From now on,
he'll be up in the sky.

MIA: (ON WALKIE-TALKIE)
I love you.
I love you.

(MIA CRYING)

And he's turned into a star.

And that one's a bit brighter
than the others,

he's watching over you.

When you go sleep at night,
maybe you can do a little wave?

Hello, papa.

(CRYING)

Hello? Hand over that phone.
Hello, goodbye.

Hello, papa.
Hello, papa.

So long.

(BEEPS)

(EXHALES)

Wow, I was good.
Wasn't I? Huh?

-No.
-I was good.

I was frickin' amazing, come on.

You're a hard critic.
I mean, look at the tears.

I was choked up.
I gave everything.

I was damn good.
That's politics for you.

You have to be able
to play the part

for the common good, obviously.

Come on, let's go.

Wait, how do we know
this guy will keep his word?

He won't.

Uh, what's your move then?

I've got some weeds
I want to dig up.

You flipped me out,
but in a good way.

You still flipped me out.
Here, you can take her.

Okay. For the sake
of the mission.

And also because
I'm feeling a little bit, uh,

unpredictable, huh?

-Right.
-Right.

Let's go.
I'm ready for the sacrifice.

(INSECTS CHIRPING)

We're on the move, boyo.

(INSECTS CHIRPING)

What are you up to now?

Just doing what African mamas
do all the time.

Nice, isn't it?

Stop,
that is absolutely ludicrous.

But I get that it's practical.
No one is disputing that.

Mission takes precedence,
huh, right.

Mission takes precedence.
Let's go.

I've cracked the guy's file.

Huh.

Whoa, not gonna be easy.

(INSECTS CHIRPING)

Cracked the file
on the gardener.

He's quiet a catch, sir.
Pretty insane.

I'd like to be careful
in my opinion.

He's national
security classified.

Shouldn't be unfamiliar
to you either.

(♪♪)

Going back to your rather
intimate and intense confession,

I just wanted you to be assured
if you ever feel compelled

to speak out again,
you will always find

that I'm benevolent
and attentive.

You're right, better not.

Few words often suffice.
I'm learning a lot from you.

That dude's a heavy case.

Not reading the resume, sir?

Sergeant Baum.

I should've known
your signature style.

Baum?
Who's this Baum?

You sick motherfucker.
Leonidas Apastegui.

Your code name's all
I ever knew.

I only knew Sergeant Leo Baum.
My best operative.

Five decorations.
You were like my brother.

I thought I recognized
that sleazy voice.

You're Major Mason.

How about that, huh?

QUASIMODO:
Yep.

I'll go do my rounds, okay?

You were like my second family.

But soldiers
who killed innocent,

they are no brothers of mine.

Those were the orders.

And you did the worst thing.

You disobeyed.

That's right.

Massacring a trap of nomads
isn't worthy of a leader.

It's called, "war".

No, not for me.
That's a crime.

What about you?
You eliminated all your men.

What'd you call that?

I call it, "justice".

You'll find me standing
in your path

whenever you go after innocent.

You're painting
a much clearer picture.

And you know what?

I love that picture, deeply.

Appreciate it.

(INSECTS CHIRPING)

Leo, may I ask a favor?

I'm sick of looking like a Nazi.

Could you ask him
for his clothes?

Take off your clothes.

My clothes?

Your clothes.

(♪♪)

Where you going soldier, huh?
Where?

We can't win this.
They're too strong for us.

You're right.
That makes sense.

(GRUNTS)

You going AWOL?

(PUNCHING)

(GRUNTING)

ESMERALDA:
I'm smelling your playboy scent.
I know you're out there.

(♪♪)

Asshole, just vanished.
I'm stumped.

-What are you doing with that?
-SERGE: Huh?

You're gonna hurt somebody.

Well, that's sort of the point.
Pow!

-No, somebody innocent.
-SERGE: Ah.

In this case, it's me.

You did that so fast.
What am I supposed to do now?

(CHARLOTTE COOING)

(SHUSHES)

(COCKS GUN)

You wouldn't be
putting your finger

in my daughter's mouth,
would you?

You've killed people with that.

That's how we survive.

Well, it's possible
to survive hygienically.

Watch out.

(KICKS)

(GRUNTS)

(CHUCKLES)
And karate to boot.

I only like two things.
Women and knives.

I'm gonna bleed ya.
Come get some.

(GROANS)

(CHARLOTTE COOING)

Really?
Going for a baby?

I don't give a fuck
about your baby.

(GRUNTING)

-(KNIFE SLICES)
-(GROANS)

You shouldn't have touched
the Rolex.

You shouldn't have touched
the baby.

(GRUNTS)

(CHARLOTTE COOING)

He's not nice.

ESMERALDA:
You're too pretty to be true.

(GROANS)

(CHARLOTTE GIGGLING)

(PUNCHES AND THROWS)

He just wants to play.

(KICKING)

(GROANING)

(SPITS)

ESMERALDA:
Game's over, my friend.
Right?

-(STABS)
-Feels good, huh?

That turn you on?

(GROANS)

Straight to the balls,
motherfucker.

(GRUNTS)

The dance is over.
Put your drumsticks away.

No, no.

ESMERALDA:
Got any famous last words
before I end you?

(SCREAMS)

(STABS)

(BODY THUDS)

I hate Esmeralda.

I saw you in danger
and my better instincts

sort of kicked in.

Shuster.

He's pretty dead, huh?

PHOEBUS:
Shuster!

Both of you,
if you care to stay alive,

don't move.

I'm not threatening.

I'm advising.

MIA:
Right.

(CHARLOTTE COOING)

She's okay.

All right.
That's what matters the most.

All right, let's go.
Let's go.

No, no, find a signal.

Notify the police
and go hide somewhere.

-ALICE: I'm not leaving you.
-Do as I tell you.

I'm not leaving you.
Come on.

MIA:
There's no point
in both of us going.

Listen to me for once.

I'll stay right here
and wait for your father.

Just go.
And if you see Charlotte...

Don't you worry.
I'll take care of my sister.

Your baby sister.

You know, I...

...I really don't hate you
that bad.

I love you, too.
Go on um, just go.

(INSECTS CHIRPING)

(♪♪)

Baum.

(LOUD THUNDER)

(♪♪)

(THUNDER ROARS)

(♪♪)

(LOUD THUNDER)

Mason.

Baum.

Our deal is off.

You're alone.

Give it up.

PHOEBUS:
You know our code.

I'd rather be dead
than to have been dishonored.

All right.

QUASIMODO:
Shit, man.

(♪♪)

I'm sorry for you, bro.

I'll bet you're burning
in hell right now.

(♪♪)

You won't mind
if I drop my weapon

over to you?

SERGE:
Yeah.

I'll leave you the action,
my boy, this once.

Nice and careful.

So, I'll wish you good luck.

Actually, I'm not saying that,
because it brings bad luck.

So, why don't you break a leg?
I mean, uh,

I mean do break a leg.
Break a leg, yes.

Break a leg.

(CHARLOTTE COOING)

And break his face
while you're at it.

(♪♪)

(THUNDERING)

Blindly following orders.
That's your thing?

'Cause I was born to obey.

But I've chosen
to disobey instead.

PHOEBUS:
For 10 years, I've been tasked
with taking out targets

on the executive list,
and I'ma keep doing it.

Trust me on that.

No, you won't.

I'll teach you
to obey your commander, Baum.

(♪♪)

LEO:
I won't make the same mistake
I made 20 years ago.

PHOEBUS:
What about this?

Did you forget? Huh?

No.

(♪♪)

(PUNCHES AND THROWS)

(GRUNTING)

SERGE:
We found mommy.

Oh, my loves.

Oh. I love you.

You saved my daughter.

Where's Alice?

She went to call the police.
You're amazing.

-And I knew you'd come back.
-Babe, it's over. Yes, yes.

Thank you so much, so much.
Thank you.

It's over now.

You were gonna
sacrifice yourself.

(LAUGHS)

No.
No, I wasn't.

That was mental
manipulation tactics.

That's a special forces thing.
It's a trick, huh?

What?

Well, of course,
I'd be sacrificing myself

if the situation called for it.
But it didn't.

MIA:
What's that?

Oh, that.
War does that.

-Papa!
-Oh, my darling.

Oh, papa.

It's over.

ALICE:
Mia.

-Did you call the police?
-There's no signal.

Please, enough playing around.
Let's go.

We're outta here.

MIA:
What about Leo?

-ALICE: Yeah.
-Leo?

(GRUNTING)

(PUNCHES AND KICKS)

(BONES CRACK)

(GRUNTING)

(GROANS)

(GRUNTING)

(GROANS)

(KICKS)

(SCREAMS)

(GROANS)

(KICKS)

(GROANS)

(PUNCHES)

(GRUNTING)

PHOEBUS:
Crawl now.

Crawl back
to your little garden.

(BONES CRACK)

(PUNCHES)

This is my garden here.

(SCREAMS)

Cactus.

Evergreen ivy.

(♪♪)

(GRUNTING)

(PUNCHES AND THROWS)

(CHOKING)

(♪♪)

I'm not surprised.
You're a man without honor.

A man without honor.

PHOEBUS:
Adios, Baum.

(GUNSHOT)

(PHOEBUS SCREAMS)

Soldier, what the fuck?

(GRUNTS)

End of mission.

You'll obey your goddamn orders.

I'm done.
I'm also embracing disobedience.

(GRUNTS)

PHOEBUS:
Follow the orders!

(HITTING)

(GRUNTING)

-(THUNDER ROARS)
-(SCREAMS)

(CHARLOTTE COOING)

(♪♪)

(PANTING)

I'm more proud of fighting you,
Sergeant Baum,

than I ever was serving
under this commander.

There's no more Sergeant Baum.

Me? I'm just a humble gardener.

QUASIMODO:
No, you're a lot more
than that, sir.

You have to start planting
the right seed, Sergeant.

All right?

Say, Leo, are you a bit tense,
if you don't mind my asking?

Well, that man won't be
bothering us again.

No, Mr. Serge.

You all right?

I'm fine.
I'm fine.

Yeah, I see the problem.

What's wrong?

Leo, what are you doing?
Come on, we're leaving.

The city's not--
it's just not my thing.

SERGE:
What?

What will you do here?

What I do best, disappear.
And gardening.

Thank you, Leo.
You saved our lives.

Thank you,
from the bottom of my heart.

Take care of yourself.

Okay.

You can count on me
to blow this case wide open.

Let's go.

For Charlotte,
I know it was you.

It was teamwork.

Thank you.

Ma'am.

-(SMOOCHES)
-(GASPS)

(EXHALES)

(♪♪)

(BOAT REVS)

(♪♪)

(WHIMPERS)

(DOOR SHUTS)

(BOAT REVS)

(♪♪)

Mason.

MIA:
Is she asleep?

Mm.
And without music.

Good job.

-ALICE: Hey.
-All right?

I told you
I filmed something crazy.

PHOEBUS:
For 10 years I've been tasked
with taking out targets

on the executive list,
'cause I deliver the--

-No!
-Perfect work.

(LAUGHS)

-When did you do it?
-ALICE: In the garden.

SERGE:
Well-played, kiddo.

Between the file and the video,
we've got ourselves a scoop.

SERGE:
Ah!

-You're the boss.
-ALICE: Thanks.

So the investigative reporter
is having a good day?

Editor in chief
after I nail these guys.

(LAUGHS)

-SERGE: Hear, hear!
-I'm emailing the newsroom.

(BOAT REVS)

Too bumpy,
I'm having trouble typing this.

(♪♪)

-Papa.
-SERGE: Hm.

Isn't that your car?

-Where?
-ALICE: Behind us.

It is.

What?
What's my BMW doing here?

And it's speeding like crazy.

(SCREAMS)

Go faster!

SERGE:
What do you think I'm doing?

ALICE:
Take it easy.
I just put the kid to sleep.

(MOTORBIKE REVS)

(SCREAM)

-Hold on to the baby.
-I'm holding her.

SERGE:
This guy is gonna total
both my cars.

And he's gonna kill us, too.

(CARS SPEEDING)

-My phone. Be careful.
-ALICE: Yeah! Be careful, papa.

Careful? You telling me
to be careful now?

Send that damned email.

(SCREAMS)

You okay?

ALICE:
Oh, I'm good.
I'm good.

-MIA: The baby?
-Yeah, I'm good.

-I grabbed her in time.
-(CHARLOTTE CRYING)

(MOTORBIKE REVS)

(♪♪)

(CARS SPEEDING)

MIA:
He's passing us.

-PHOEBUS: Pull over!
-MIA: He's passing us.

SERGE:
Piss off!

Pull over!
Pull over!

No, you can pull over.

No. You, pull over!

SERGE:
I'm not pulling over.

(MOTORBIKE REVS)

(♪♪)

(BRAKES SLASH)

(GRUNTS)

SERGE:
Quickly.

(CHARLOTTE CRYING)

Motherfucker!

-No! Oh yes!
-No! Oh, no!

(SCREAMING)

And we're good.

My boy, Leo, might have
the close-combat thing mastered,

but for defensive driving,
there's no one like papa.

(CAR SLIDES)

He's still following us!
Go faster, go faster!

SERGE:
Can't believe this shit.

(♪♪)

(MOTORBIKE REVS)

(CARS SPEEDING)

(GUNSHOTS)

Hit send, honey.

I don't want us
to die for nothing.

Can't find my phone!

SERGE:
Find your phone!

(MOTORBIKE REVS)

Leo's here, papa!
Leo's here! We're safe!

SERGE:
Yes!

(CHEERS)

(MOTORBIKE REVS)

(♪♪)

Baum.
Son of a bitch won't let up.

(MOTORBIKE REVS)

Goddamn asshole!

-(KICKS)
-(GRUNTS)

(CHEERING)

(♪♪)

(GROANS)

Where'd he go?

(PANTS)

(♪♪)

You should have obeyed, Baum.

You stay put.
All three of you, all right?

Are you serious?

Oh, yeah.

Be careful.

(♪♪)

Say, you guys
are a player short of a match.

That's right,
wouldn't be a threesome

without El Sergio, huh?

(♪♪)

Another thing.
About that mission you were on.

Ah!

Finishing your mission
must be important to you.

What'd they tell you
in the army?

Finishing the mission's
really important.

Finish the mission.
Mission first.

Come on, come on.
You're not so sure anymore.

Now you're all confused.

Revenge? Or the mission?
Revenge? Or the mission?

Revenge. Mission.
Revenge. What's it gonna be?

You gonna finish
your frickin' mission?

Well, here it is.

Yeah. Yeah, but watch out.
The mission is Muhammad Ali.

Fly like a butterfly.
You follow?

-Now you see, now you--
-(GUNSHOT)

Oh, damn, that was close.

(EMPTY GUN CLICKS)

You're empty?
So come at me now.

Go for it.
Let's fight it out.

Come on, huh?
We'll end this right now.

Like a couple of real men.
Huh?

Fly like a butterfly
and sting like a bee!

(KICKS)

(GRUNTING)

Yes!

(KICKS)

(GRUNTING)

(BODY THUDS)

(PANTING)

Mason, nature always forgives,

but not me.

SERGE:
That's a nice sentiment, Leo.

Oh, hell yeah.

Hey, that was really good.

Good thing I threw him off, huh?

We're an amazing team,
aren't we?

-MIA: Oh, sweetheart.
-Amazing.

Oh, sweetheart.

You did so well.
I'm so proud of you.

Wow.

Don't thank me or anything.

Thanks.

SERGE:
You're welcome.

What's this about?
Where's he going?

Leo?

Are you leaving?

So, not even a goodbye?

Goodbye.

Well, hey.
This guy's something else.

I do appreciate that.

Straight to the point
and concise.

-Maybe I should be more--
-Shut up now.

I love you, too.

(♪♪)

New developments
in the executive blacklist case

are Prime Minister,
George Francois Balfin,

is in preventive custody
as of this morning

at a central
Paris correctional facility.

The arrest is a turning point
in this nationwide scandal

- that our network--
-You hear that, honey?

It's about papa's heroism.

(LAUGHS)

(GARDEN SHEAR SNIPPING)

(GUNSHOTS)

(SCREAMING IN DISTANCE)

(GRUNTS)

(♪♪)

SERGE:
Morning.

-Morning, officer.
-Morning.

Uh, do you know
where I can park my bike?

You can't park it here, sir.

Uh, 'cause I happen
to be Serge Shuster.

OFFICER 1:
Serge?

Shuster.
The Environment Minister.

Uh, no. Mr. Chassagnol
is the environment minister.

Yeah, that was before.

Because as of today, uh,
I am the Environment Minister.

Morning, is there a problem?

He claims he's
the Environment Minister.

Uh, no.
That'd be Mr. Chassagnol.

-He's the minister--
-Until 10:00.

OFFICER 2:
Mm-hmm.

You're gonna have
a nomination ceremony

in my honor from 10:00
to present me

as the new Environment Minister.

The Environment Minister
is Mr. Chassagnol.

Excuse me.

Hi, Didi.

So, Didi the hippie,
he can just breeze in?

The gentleman works here.

Well, this gentleman
would appreciate

you letting him
get to work, too.

Can you show me some ID?

That's a bit much.
Overstepping your authority.

So there, Serge Shuster.
There you go.

Shuster.
Shuster.

Shuster.

Look, I'm sorry, sir,
but you're not on the list.

This might surprise you,
but that's good news.

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