All language subtitles for Desmonds s06e11 When the Cats Away

From the long -awaited ocean breeze to
the damp and to the rain of London city.

We come from the sun to live in Nicola
and make Miranda want my coconut tree.

Let's keep

the

music sweet, wind up your way to the
field.

Morning, Popeye, Matthew.

Sit yourselves down. Your tea and
toast's almost ready.

You got me to yourselves today.

Listen, hear that silence?

No Desmond.

You see how that is good?

I don't believe it. You actually got the
old goat to go on that small business

man's course. I think it's an excellent
idea, Shirley.

Well, where did you find a team of wild
horses to drag him out of here?

Michael just kept on and on.

at him until he gave in. He told Desmond
he needed to brush up on his business

skills. Make a change from brushing up
here.

Well, it's highly commendable. All
education is mind -expanding.

So that's why your head's so big.

I don't go through life in a state of
ignorance.

Well, they say ignorance is bliss, and
that's all I ever wanted.

Well, I wanted some good company.

I'm not used to being an abandoned
woman.

Oh, never again. Never ever again.

Did your father get away all right? Was
the train on time?

Did he get a packet of paper, Hanky? Did
you take him to the little boy's room?

Don't talk to me about it. I'd wish I'd
never suggested this course in the first

place. Why? What happened?

Well, I was halfway down the road before
I realised he deliberately left his

suitcase on the pavement.

Then he said he'd lost his tickets and
didn't have any money for emergencies. I

had to give him £50.

I can't believe I actually stood there
and said, Father, it's never too late to

learn. I admit it, Mother, I was wrong.

He got away all right in the end. Only
after a 15 -minute conversation with a

platform guard, he said he recognized
him back home.

I mean, he must have shook the man's
hand for the best part of five minutes.

Listen, I have a neighbor who works
British field. Was he a little stout fat

with lean mouth and cast eyes?

No.

Did he know Desmond? No, but he doesn't
now.

I've got it, I've got it.

Good morning, Desmond.

Oh, hello, Dad.

I thought you'd already gone.

Oh, I want to speak to you.

Desmond, get back on that train.

What do you mean, you are?

Oh,

you're using Michael's mobile phone.

Yes, everything's okay. Don't worry.

The place won't fall apart just because
you're not here for a couple of days.

What's that?

You use the money Michael gave you to
upgrade yourself to first class.

Oh, yes.

Oh. Oh, yeah. Okay. Bye.

He says his breakfast has arrived and he
hung up.

Looks like Desmond is learning all about
business already, Michael.

All I'm saying is that I may not always
be around to keep an eye on things.

Well, now we're in Europe, business
commitments may take me overseas.

Oh, didn't realise you had branches in
the Isle of Sheffy.

I'll be at the bank if you need me,
Mother.

I'll be back to do the accounts.

Bye.

Do you know what? After this, great,
Dad's gone back to college.

Well, I wholeheartedly approve of people
trying to further themselves.

Yeah, you're right, man. And the further
you get away, the more I approve.

You know...

Many students say they could not survive
without a grant. But the one grant I

could easily live without is Augusta's
Neapolitan Cleveland Grant.

Oh, but I couldn't, Popeye. Well, I
better be off to college.

Oh, what's your lecture today, Matthew?

It's on the evolutionary relationship
between Homo sapiens and Homo leanta

talus. Who?

Me and you, Popeye. Bye -bye.

Well, I guess you can buy me lunch for
helping you out.

Oh, Ricky.

What have you learnt from Dad since
you've been working here? Well, I think

picked up the basics.

How's this?

She's still no man!

Scab around, ladies and gentlemen. Stick
your hands in your pockets.

Haven't you heard the news?

Oh, it's unbelievable.

You've gone legitimate and decided to
take up a collection for all the people

you've ripped off in the past.

No, no, no. It's even more far out than
that. Huh?

Yes. Big Jacko and Rosie are finally
going to do the deed. They're taking the

plunge. They're getting married.

Now, after 15 years of knocking about
together, he popped the question and

they're tying the knot on Saturday.

Never said nothing to me.

Rosie and Big Jacko?

Jacko with the half ear?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great, isn't it?
It's a cop -out.

I like your wedding.

That Jacko's a real tough case.

Rosie must tie a pretty tight knot.

Tell you what, that geezer has been in
so many rucks, he's got bit missing all

over his body. Poor Rosie.

No, no, no, they're made for each other,
them two.

No, well, it would take a strong woman
like Rosie to hold Jacko down.

Used to be a professional wrestler.

I thought Jacko was a duck worker.

Yeah, he was.

Rosie was the wrestler.

I'm doing a collection, look.

As a matter of fact, I am.

Oi, Mum, I got stopped in the road by
three people who want their hair cut for

the wedding.

Listen, listen, I heard it's going to be
a really big do.

Jacko's a big man?

Yeah, Rosie's an even bigger woman.

I've got it, I've got it, I've got it.

Hello,

Desmond.

Oh, Rosie.

Hello, Rosie.

Congratulations.

Yeah.

Yeah, of course we can.

So, um, that's you, your sister, and
your mum.

Yeah. Yeah, we can fit in your cousin
Doris from Stoke Poges.

And the six -page boy.

And their father.

Yes, of course. And Jacko and his
brothers.

Yes. Yes, of course.

Thank you, Rosie.

Bye.

Now, that sounds good for business.

No, it wasn't.

Vince. Mm?

Jocko wants you to be his best man. He's
waiting for you down at the

Boilermaker's house. Well, I'd better
get down the street here. I've got

business to attend to. I can't let big
Jocko down.

Never mind Jocko. I don't believe this.
Oh, you just can't get the thought, they

say. Oh, no, I'll finish him off in a
minute.

Good job Desmond took your phone.

What are you doing?

The only thing we can do, I'm calling
Desmond to tell him to come back home.

No, don't do that. I mean, it'd look as
if we couldn't come.

Once we get him back here, we'll never
want to go again.

It'll be the perfect excuse.

Couldn't we get someone in for a few
days on a temporary basis? It'll be very

lucrative for the right person.

All these people on appointments are
Friday and Saturday. We can't let them

down. Otherwise, Dad's reputation will
be finished in Peckham. I suppose you're

right, but I can't think of anyone.

What about that guy Vince was talking
about?

Oh, that son in Deptford. He retired
last year.

I can't think who you mean. Something to
do with Dulce.

I hope you don't mean Irving Poole.

Irving Poole, that's him.

Vince said he was a damn good barber to
rocks going.

That would be a good idea. He's not
someone your father would approve of.

rather have fat Larry.

Listen, father would rather have anyone
who makes him a lot more money. I don't

think he's the right person for this
particular occasion, you see. Listen,

pie, this is business. Leave me to make
the decisions that are good for the

shop. I was only going to tell you... Is
this Irvingpool any good, mother?

A little too good.

We all came up together in the old days.

There was a bit of rivalry between him
and your father. Yeah, and? Well, that

was a long time ago, and as I'm in
charge while father's away, I am going

make the call.

Listen, Desmond will explode if Irving
Poole sets foot in this shop. Don't

worry, Popeye.

He won't come.

He'll probably be too busy, or maybe
he's moved. Well, he could be a goldmine

for us.

Anyway, father will get over it once
he's seen the takings.

Old Irving probably needs the cash.

Oh, very interesting.

Very interesting indeed.

I'll be around tomorrow at midday.

Say hello to Shirley for me.

It's been a long time.

I'm looking forward to getting
reacquainted.

Yes.

Ciao.

Well, that wasn't too difficult, was it?
He's popping around tomorrow.

Right on time.

Ha! And I thought he needed the cash.
He's got a five -series BMW out there.

More jewellery than Elizabeth Taylor.

Oh, I can't see him wearing Mr Ambrose's
nylon overall.

The lot of them. Don't close the door.

Hello, Shirley.

Nice to see you after all this time.

Shirley Ambrose.

You haven't changed a bit.

Still a damn good -looking woman, eh?

Good looks running our family.

I'm Michael Ambrose. I spoke to you on
the phone.

And this is Gloria, my sister.

Chant, I'm sure.

Pleased to meet you both.

And two handsome children, too, eh?

Oh, three, actually. My youngest, Sean,
he's away at the moment with some

university friends for a few days. Ah,
and I believe that Desmond's away for a

few days, too.

How interesting.

Yeah, he's gone on a business course.

Well, I'm surprised he could be bothered
at this stage in his career.

And they say you can't teach an old dog
new tricks.

Well, that old dog's still got some life
in him, eh, Mum?

Ah, this is Ricky, our junior.

Pleased to meet you, Mr Poole.

I see they've got you sweeping up, eh?
Oh, yeah, well, we've all got to start

somewhere. Well, you'd better start over
there. I notice you missed out a bit.

Yes, sir.

We were taken unawares by this wedding
on Saturday.

You know, two friends decided to do the
deed. And Desmond won't be back until

Sunday. So all we need is an extra pair
of hands to help us out for a couple of

days. You know, starting immediately.

A wedding. How beautiful.

Sudden romance.

Unpredictable passion.

Shirley, my hands are yours to command.

Well, well, what have we got here?

Ah, don't tell me. It's, uh, it's mince
pies.

To my friends. Ah, pork pie. So it's Mr.
Grant to you.

Well, does Mr.

Grant often have his hair cut here?

Well, if he had any.

Oh, never.

Oh, this is Matthew, a friend.

He and pork pie just pop in to chew the
fat with Desmond.

Yes, and sit around drinking tea and
eating toast.

Oh, dear.

The idea of people sitting around in a
barbershop all day, so old -fashioned,

quaint, at the thought of someone being
here all day without spending any money,

just drinking tea and eating toast, I
find absolutely bizarre.

It's bizarre about eating toast and
drinking tea. I do it every day.

There's a perfectly good cafe down the
road, Mr. Grant. Why don't you pop on

there? Excellent idea, Irving.

In fact, why don't we adjourn to the
cafe to discuss terms? But I must tell

I drive a pretty hard bargain. He drives
a pretty five -series BMW.

Certainly. But only if Shirley will
accompany him.

Oh, don't worry, Mum.

Me and Ricky will get Uncle Portpied
Matthew their tea. Thank you, Gloria.

And when my husband calls, tell him I
miss him.

Yeah, all right. Shout out.

Shall we?

Right.

Tell me about this Irving Geezer, then.

Yes, Popeye. I'm surprised you know such
a cultured man.

Yeah, it didn't strike me as being a
lifelong fan of the Georgetown Dreamers.

That's right.

As I said before, he was most cultured.

If you want to know the whole story, you
better ask your mother.

Oh, come on, Uncle Popeye, you can tell.

All right.

Well, you see, we all came over on the
same boat together.

Your mother, your father, Sweet Sticks
and myself.

A few cabins along with this Trinidadian
Irving pool on his way to a job at

London Transport.

Anyway, he got wind of the fact that
your father could cut hair and he

him to teach him. So did he?

Yes, your father's a good man.

He did him a good turn, showed him all
the styles.

And before you know it, Irving was all
over the boat practicing on anyone who

would let him.

Polishing up his skills, building up his
business before he's even here.

He came down the gangplank with a full
appointment book.

Well, once he knew your father's
business, then he took a shine for your

A good -looking woman, Shirley, always.

What happened?

Well, she's not only a handsome woman,
she's a smart one.

Well, listen, Irving was never in the
running, but unfortunately nobody ever

told him that.

So that's how he repaired your father,
by trying to steal your mother away.

Limey. What a rat.

Yeah, once a rat.

Always a rat.

Exactly.

Here they come.

Marco Spicer looks happy.

Good.

Well, it's a little bit more than I was
hoping to pay, but... Well, if you want

the best.

Yes, we do, but since Desmond isn't
here, we'll have to put up with you.

Still here, Mr. Grant?

Don't you have a betting shop to
fraternize?

So you think you can fill Jackie D's
shoes, do you? Oh, without a doubt. I

cope with anything that comes through
that door.

This place you can't.

Popeye, I hope you realize that is a 20
-pound note.

I've seen plenty in my time.

Popeye, I think that's a little bit
reckless.

Yes, this is a barbershop, not a turf
accountant.

Not to worry, Michael.

I like a little flutter sometimes.

Can't resist certainty.

Shirley, a man's got to do what a man's
got to do.

Shirley, could you hold this for us
until Saturday evening?

Perhaps you could share a bottle of
champagne with my winning.

Well, I've got to go. I don't want to
take up your valuable space.

And what about you, Matthew?

Are you staying?

Perhaps you'd like to be my first
customer.

Ah, well, I should be going, too. You
see, I have to make sure that Paul Quay

has his bus fare home.

Nice to have met you, Mr. Poon.

Sorry about that, Irving. Oh, no
problem, Michael.

Once word spreads that I'm here, we'll
need all the extra seats we can get.

So, time to work.

Uh, Ricky?

Give those mirrors an extra buffing,
clean all these seats, and for heaven's

sake, stand up straight.

If you can.

I don't believe it. He's worse than your
dad.

Are you going to answer that, Mum?

Oh, let it rain.

But it might be Father.

Yes, it might.

Hello, Desmond.

Oh, hello, darling.

Everything's under control.

Some technique, Mr Poole.

Tony Guido started with me, you know,
Ricky.

What, that guy with all them spadons at
work?

He was your junior.

Well, apprentice, actually.

Tell me, have you picked up any tips
from Desmond?

Yeah, and how to hold on to a hand of
dominoes without dropping the one on the

end.

I meant hairdressing tips.

Tricks of the trade.

Oh, yeah, one invaluable pearl of
wisdom.

Never open the door on a windy day when
you've just swept up your hair.

Did you tell Dad about... Oh, there's
nothing to tell, Gloria. Well, I think

he's just a temporary member of staff.

Yeah, he'd like to make it permanent.

I suppose you knew how to turn these
piles of hair into piles of cash, eh, Mr

Poole?

You're learning already, Ricky. You're
learning fast.

I suppose you've got it all.

Flash car, big house, and I bet your
wife's a model, eh?

Sadly, no.

I was so dedicated to my craft that my
personal life had to take second place.

Something I hope to rectify soon.

Oh, thanks goodness you're here, Vince.
You got me a message?

Message? Which message?

Look around you, Vince. I need your
help.

Listen, I'm on the part -time, you know.

I want to do the sorting with the groom
and myself.

You forget that I'm the best man, best
fun to be. I just pass on to you my

present.

What is it?

A clock, may I see?

Different. Hey, Vince, when I get
married, cash only.

I want you to help me with Linbert over
there. And the Bobad brothers are coming

in in 15 minutes. And seven of them?

No, no. All Mars become a raster. Look,
I promise I'll make Michael buy you a

drink.

Gloria, take Mrs. Moses from under the
dryer. I'm just popping upstairs to turn

on the oven.

Um, I think I'll just pop upstairs and
check those preparations I left in the

bathroom.

And by the way, Ricky, that's how not to
do it.

I'll bet you not.

That's too gorgeous.

Look, Irving Poole, a man of your age
should know better.

A man of my age could do better.

Oh, get downstairs. I'll get on with
your work. It's what you're being paid

I don't care about the money, Shirley.
I'm doing this for us.

Us? What do you mean, us? For you and I.

Let's rekindle what we had all those
years ago.

The love, the passion, the romance.

Move your swarty head back all night.

The only romance you ever had, Irving,
was with yourself.

Shirley, how can you say that?

After what passed between us all those
years ago. As I remember it, all that

passed between us.

was a set of crockery, a flower vase,
and anything else I could throw at you.

I realize I was a fool in love, but I
could have broken your heart if I

persisted. No, I realize that Desmond
could have broken your nose if you

persisted. And if you push your luck
now, I could swing a pretty good right,

know, and I could finish the job off
right now. So get downstairs and finish

your work.

What? Good afternoon, Mr. Poole.

I met an old customer of yours last
night.

Oh, is that so? Well, there are a great
many of them around.

Well, this particular customer is
looking forward to his next appointment

you this afternoon.

And so he should.

I was always very popular with my
clientele. Not with Big Jacko, you're

Ah, the groom.

I don't recall ever cutting his hair
before.

And maybe you recall cutting off half
his ear.

You cut off Big Jack, are you?

Thirty years ago, he was little Aaron
Jackson coming over with his parents on

the boat. Well, a nice man offered to
cut his hair because he needed to try

a particular close crop he was
perfecting for his new career in

Well, it wasn't my fault. I mean, the
boat hit some choppy water and... Chop?

I gave his mother refund.

He was only a little boy. I told him he
would grow back. Well, that was little

Jacko. Now 17 and a half stone of big
Jacko is coming round here this

to find out personally why he didn't.

Little Aaron is big Jacko? Yeah, man.

What's going on? Why are they all
leaving the shop? Desmond will be back

Monday. He doesn't chop off people's
ears.

Will someone please tell me what's going
on? Look, I'm leaving before Big Jackal

gets here. I'm sorry, Michael, but this
sort of clientele is not what I'm used

to. But we had a deal. I mean, we could
be ruined.

So could I.

So could I.

Arrivederci.

Great. What are we going to do now?

appointment books and no one to help
out. Thanks a lot, Popeye. Well, I think

you'll find there's going to be a sudden
drop -off in trade.

What? What do you mean?

Sorry, folks. It's all off.

Ha! Apparently Big Jack had felt he was
being rushed into it, so he changed his

mind.

What? What about Rosie?

Well, she said she's okay and she dealt
with it, but she said to cancel her

appointments. Just one of them things.

Popeye, did you know about this before
you spoke to Irving? I may have had a

hint. The child.

Such as seeing Jacko down at the bus
station with a suitcase, a black eye and

one -way ticket to Birmingham.

That sounds pretty definite.

No, no, no, our big Jack and Rosie do it
all the time. We'll be back next month.

Second thoughts, I'll bung this lot in a
high -interest account and it'll save

me doing the collection next time. Good
idea, Lee. I'll arrange that for you.

Oh, that's charming.

You didn't expect...

Here's gratitude for you, eh? Shirley,
do you have my winnings handy? I think I

might buy that bottle of champagne
myself.

We've got a lot of celebrating to do.
Why? What's there to celebrate?

Let's just say that the best man won.

Even though he wasn't here.