All language subtitles for Desmonds s06e10 Heavy Traffic.eng

From the long hot night to the ocean
breeze, to the damp and to the rain of

London city.

We come from the sun to live in the
cold, I miss my grandma, want my coconut

tree.

Let's keep the music sweet, wind up the
western speed.

Just screw up your face, Ricky.

Some people give their right arm for
such a golden opportunity.

To be your skivvy, Desmond, I don't
think so.

The boy is being allowed in on the
ground floor of a great barbering

institution. It's one thing being
allowed in on the ground floor, Mr

but it's another having to sweep it up.

It's good training.

It strengthens the wrist.

Yes, and it's doing wonders for your
leg.

What am I going to learn about the cuts,
the styles, you know, all the fun

stuff? Well, Ricky, like Dad always
says... You can't have the fun without

learning the fundamentals.

John knows all about flow sweeping.

He's now mastering the ancient art of
tea making, essential to the barber's

craft. Did someone mention tea?

Your timing is uncanny.

Folk pack in here a tea bag, drop in a
teapot from 300 yards.

Help yourself, old friend.

Is this an unofficial barber's holiday
today, Desmond? Or are you just feeling

your age, old man?

Seniority brings its just rewards.

I am here in an executive capacity.

You hear him?

Sean is helping out in the shop today to
supplement his grant.

I know what you're going through, Sean.

I've been trying to supplement the grant
all my life.

Augustus, Neapolitan, Cleveland, grant.

Desmond is teaching Ricky all he knows
about barbering.

Well, that takes care of this morning.

So, Charlie, what's on the menu for the
party?

Who would have believed it, eh?

Thirty -five years in this country.

Thirty -six years. I came first.

I was a pioneer.

Ricky, did I ever tell you... Desmond,
you're supposed to be teaching the boy,

not boring him to death.

How often do you have these parties,
then?

About every five years.

Man, they're wicked, you know. But this
year, I think it's going to be the

wickedest. Boom -bastic!

Well,

my mouth's just watering thinking about
your cooking, Shirley.

And Michael's eyes are watering just
thinking about the expense.

So what are you making this year? Well,
look, I've been studying these recipe

books all morning.

I've considered everything from cut
spoon dumplings, pepper pot, titirita

and cassava bread.

Yamas!

Speaking of studying, where is our
student in residence this morning?

Matthew? Oh, he's helping out near the
market stall.

Lee has taken a shine to this young lady
who helps out on the stall next to his.

Today's the day. Lee wants Matthew to
take care of business while Lee takes

of business.

Yeah.

Lee seems to be quite taken with his
girl.

He's showing all the symptoms of a man
in love.

I wonder, Lee, do you think you could
possibly drag yourself away from your

lovesick ogles and give me a hand?

But believe me, that's another love
story.

You can lose yourself any time, man.

You only lose your heart once.

It's not your heart you've lost. It's
your mind.

Look at the way she moves, man.

There's an old African theory.

Only a fool puts passion before profit.

But she is a nice -looking girl.

Nice -looking?

She's a stunner. She's a goddess. She's
coming over here.

What am I going to do? What am I going
to say?

Don't you say what you usually say?

Hello, darling, how's the party?

Or you could employ one of your more
scintillating pieces of rappity and say,

want to party with the pecan prince?

Try being slightly more sophisticated
and say, hello.

Get your fertility mask.

Get your African fertility masks here.

Get fertile for the weekend.

What a neat line of sales, Patty. You
got there?

Yeah, well, you've got to give the
punters what they want. Oh, and at the

moment, it's African fertility masks.

Interesting.

Hi, I'm Della.

And you're?

Yeah.

I don't have much to do.

It's business, associate.

I'm just going to the cafe. Do you guys
want anything?

Oh, a cup of tea would be nice.

Not too much milk.

One and three quarter sugars.

And a bucket of cold water.

For Lee.

Man, I forgot a better idea. Why don't
you sprint off and get the cuppers while

Della and I indulge in the time
-honoured corset ritual of the South

Romeo? Huh?

Shut it up, you fool.

Oh, oh, right.

All of the usual, man.

There's a small question of finance.

I'm a student, you know.

And don't hurry back.

So, uh, tell me about yourself, then.

You got all that, Ricky? All in the
noddle, Mr Ambrose. You want a chicken

sandwich with butter on white bread with
tomatoes, mayonnaise and cucumber, but

no lettuce and a little black pepper.

Shirley wants cottage cheese, lettuce,
tomato and peeled cucumber on crisp

with low -fat spread.

Sean wants a thinly sliced roast beef
with mustard and horseradish on brown

bread with butter, some potato salad and
some coleslaw on the side of the plate,

but not touching the sandwich.

And Pork Pie just wants a bit of what
you're all having.

One day, that boy's going to make an
excellent barber.

Let's hope he makes an excellent
sandwich.

But at least that's one less meal for me
to worry about.

Good, because you need all your powers
of skill and concentration to make sure

that the food is just right for the
party.

I've been looking forward to this for
five years.

Sean, bring the rest of the boxes in,
will you?

Traffic was sweeping around here like
vultures recently.

So what? You can't say I'm busy in a
month.

You've been standing near that chair too
long.

Now, we seem to have everything on the
list.

Champagne, red and white wine, lager,
mineral water, sparkling and still.

Rum? Yes, and the rum. And I don't mind
telling you, Father, that after spending

this amount of money, I feel like a
drink myself.

Will it get horrendously expensive?

Yes, horrendously. Oh, good.

Don't be such a meanie. It is your
contribution to the party. Oh, yes,

don't be such a meanie.

Father. What exactly is your
contribution to this celebration?

I mean, I bought the drinks. Mother's
preparing a meal. Sean's doing the

Meanwhile, you seem to be sitting back
and relaxing.

Well, this is what's called enjoying the
fruits of one's labor. That's what I've

contributed. 35 years of hard labor to
make all this possible.

party, Shirley. It's going to be
fantastic, Mandy.

Shirley's got some recipes here I
haven't tasted since I was a boy.

Do you know, I've never seen such
elaborate arrangements since Pinky

married Rupert Diggins Sykes.

Do you know, dear, they had this one
dish. It was a quail stuffed inside a

pigeon, inside a guinea fowl, inside a
duck, inside a chicken, inside a goose,

inside a turkey.

Oh, we can beat that.

Last party, we had ten red mullets and a
hundred chicken wings, all stuffed

inside one pork pie.

By the way, Shirley mentioned them. It
was easy.

No rest for Mother, then.

Michael, don't you think it would be a
nice idea if someone else did the

for the party?

Absolutely not.

Nope. I'm not paying for caterers. No,
that's not what I mean. I just thought

that perhaps... Group up.

Ah, um, Ricky, I understand you're a bit
of a dab hand in the kitchen.

Well, it's been said... By many, I'm
sure.

I suppose.

Well, you're not thinking of... Well,
I'd lend a hand, and I'd be around in an

executive capacity, of course, then.

You're not being serious, man. You and
Ricky can't cook Guyanese food.

Why not?

Because... Because they're not Guyanese.

Come on, pork pie. I mean, I do a pretty
mean stir -fry, and I'm not Chinese.

I'm all for it. It's a deal.

I'm gonna make you love me.

Yes, I will. I will. Yes, I will.

It would seem somebody else has
something to celebrate around here. Lee

a date tomorrow night with his dream
girl.

When you're young and in love.

All of this love business is very havoc
with my profit margin.

Well, Lee, I am delighted for you. And
if things go well, bring her to the

party. Only make sure she's eaten first.

Mandy and Ricky are cooking the food.
Our pounders can't wait, mate.

He's definitely in love.

I'm going to have to make a move.

Oh, that's funny. I was thinking of
exactly the same thing myself.

I meant for the door.

Oh, but it's only quarter past twelve.

What, that late?

Well, you're not going to change into a
pumpkin or anything, are you?

Hey, er... I'd better check you out,
just in case.

You're probably wrong now.

explanation. You're absolutely right.

Lee, I treat a lot of people for stress,
and most of it comes from their

relationships. I like to keep mine
stress -free.

Oh, so you reckon this aromatherapy
stuff really works, then?

Yep. Oh, funny, I'm a great believer in
the laying on of hands myself.

I really must be going.

Oh, I'll call you a cab. I mean, I'll
give you a lift, but I'm bound to be

the limit.

Very wise.

Hey, the Peckham Prince was never meant
to be a pedestrian.

You call the cab.

I'll pour us a last drink.

All right.

And I tell him there's no rush, yeah?

Now, Sean, Sean, listen. Sean, you've
got to listen to me. Sean, listen,

I'm telling you, right? She's got this
thing about her, yeah? This aura.

Now, you know how some people, they give
off a feeling of, like, goodness,

right?

No. Oh, look. And her eyes, man, her
eyes.

She had two of them.

He had... has no sense of romance.

Well, come on, let's get going. I tell
you, if you can still talk about Della

after two hours of hard circuit
training, I'll know you're in love. Hey,

worries. Bring her to the party, please.
Oh, sure, sure. You're going to love

her.

Desmond, how did you feel on our first
date?

Delirious. When the Georgetown Dreamers
were playing at the Sugar Shack and I

saw you standing across the dance floor.

my heart skipped a whole heap of beats.

If I recall, Desmond, you were always
skipping beats.

I can see it now.

You in your blue floral dress, your
diamante brooch. That was my best

Dorothea.

The catering staff of a right.

You won't be laughing when you see the
bill, Father.

Get everything, Mandy?

Well, yes, but... But what?

We don't know what most of it is. But it
all looks very exciting. We're raring

to go.

Mother, I mean, the prices of some of
these things. I mean, am I having to

haggle over thoughts? Ah, yes, right.
Well, let's just get these groceries

upstairs and get a few pots out.

But the party's not until tomorrow, is
she? Yes, but you do have to season up

the chicken from now.

How much?

Look,

I'll tell you what, mate. The pecan
prince might just have found his

You know, Lee, I didn't think it was
possible to do one -arm press -ups and

still keep talking.

Della does sound wicked, though. So when
are you seeing her again?

I was going to bring her to your mum and
dad's do, right?

Lee, Lee, you're getting a parking
ticket, mate.

What?

You're getting a parking ticket?

You know, when you asked me when was I
going to see Della again, well, I just

have.

There you go, Lee.

Yeah, nothing like a cup of tea in a
moment of crisis.

I don't see what all the fuss is about.

Someone has to stick up for people in
uniform.

She was only doing her job.

That's just it. Della told me she was an
aromatherapist. She was giving my car a

ticket, not a massage.

Well, you've been known to be a bit
creative with your job descriptions,

you, Lee?

You've been everything from a fashion
photographer to Eddie Murphy's stunt

double.

I've never once said I was a traffic
warden. Well, that's because there was

mileage in it.

I tell you, Lido, man, she is a good
-looking woman. She's a traffic warden.

I told you no good will come of putting
pleasure before business.

There's an old African saying, you can
never make a good pot when your oven is

too hot.

Think about it.

Lee, you've got to let her tell you her
side of the story. There must be a

reason why she lied.

Shell, she's a traffic warden. Lee, I
had to overcome some of Michael's

imperfections before I could love him.

That's right.

Of course he'd be taken after his
father.

He'd have been a barber instead of a
banker.

Lee, she ain't a traffic warden. No way.

His head's too big for the hat.

Lee, look, what are you going to do? I
mean, you can't just leave it like this.

Bury yourself in your work, Lee. Let's
face it, Lee.

Your heart's been clubbed. And if you
want to reclaim it, there's a price that

has to be paid.

Des, she's a traffic warden.

Sit still, Desmond. I want you to look
your best for this party.

You know, one of my greatest regrets as
a barb of international redoubt is that

I've never been able to cut my own hair.

I've never had a Desmond special.

There are a lot of people who wish they
could say the same.

Watch the sides, woman, and angle the
scissors more.

Do you know, there's only one thing
worse than a backseat driver, and that

backseat barber.

You've got to look your best.

People have gone to a lot of trouble and
expense.

That's all right. Well, now it is mostly
Michael.

Stop fidgeting. You wasn't the children
used to be. Never.

You know, it's a shame Alex's
exhibition...

flashes at this party.

Oh, good. No glory, more champagne for
me.

Still, I would have liked all the family
to have been here.

Well, you're the one who's always saying
you should cut the apron strings as

soon as possible. Yeah, but it comes so
quick.

35 years in England, it seems like... An
eternity.

An afternoon.

It just seems like five minutes since
Sean was sitting on a plank across this

chair getting his first haircut.

Ah, a Desmond special.

You know, I dare not think what they're
doing upstairs in that kitchen.

Uh -oh, looks like the tables have
turned, eh, pops?

No, wicked tram lines, Mum.

What, what?

Listen, I'm just going out to organise
the stands for tomorrow night. I'll be

back late, though, OK? OK, see you. See
you.

You know, I, um... You been thinking
what happened with Lee and Della?

You can read my mind. Well, I was
thinking the same thing.

I mean, you know, that boy's become more
like a son to me over all these years.

Yeah, and I worry about him like a son.

By now, they would either be cussing and
fighting... Or kissing and making up.

This is a nice place that you've got
here.

You obviously like to live in style.

Yeah, well, I like nice things, you
know.

Natty Freds, great set of wheels, good
-looking woman of my own.

People say I'm a bit flash, but it's
just me. At least I'm honest about

See, honesty is very important to me,
Della.

What's the celebration?

Hey, every day's a celebration for the
Peckham Prince.

So, how's your day been? Did you rub
anybody up the wrong way?

No, that's just it. I mean, I don't
know. I mean, I can imagine, right, with

your job, you must meet a lot of tense
people.

It must give you a real buzz to know
you've helped them unwind.

Lee, I think there's... Oh, I almost
forgot. There is something we're

celebrating.

Our second date.

Lee! You shouldn't have.

Yeah. I didn't get you anything.

No, no, no, you did.

And you shouldn't have.

Explain, yeah.

I'm very interested in how I dated a
woman by the name of Della, an

aromatherapist, who then magically turns
into a meat I made overnight.

Oh, no, don't tell me. I think I got it,
yeah? You're actually a twin, and it's

your wicked sister Stella who does the
dirty on the market.

What? Why did you lie?

I didn't lie.

I just didn't tell you the whole truth.

I'm listening.

Look, I am an aromatherapist.

But I've got to earn some money to set
up my business properly.

Look, I'm not a wheeler -dealer like
you, Lee, with loads of money -making

schemes.

I've been treating some traffic wardens
for stress. Listen, if they find a job

too stressful, tell them to pack it in.

I found that there were some vacancies,
so I took the job for six months just to

earn some money.

I've told guys in the past about my day
job, and this is exactly the reaction I

get. I expected more from you.

Did you book them too?

No. Listen, how do I know you're an
aromatherapist, eh? I mean, at the

all I can smell is a rat.

I'll prove it.

I've got some oils in my bag.

No, no, no, you're all right.

No, no, no, you can tell me what you
think of my technique.

What?

You accuse me of lying? What's the
verdict?

Not guilty.

Not guilty.

Definitely not guilty.

That was fantastic.

Listen, right, I want you to come to the
party with me tomorrow night.

There's some pretty special people I
want you to meet.

I would love to.

There's just one thing, though.

What?

Don't come in a uniform.

It's delicious.

No, no thanks, Jo.

Look, Mandy and Ricky did a fabulous
job.

I ain't got much of an appetite.

I'll get it.

Have some bubbly, Lee.

No, no thanks, Des. I'm feeling too
bubbly, mate.

Della never showed.

The Peckham Prince has been made to feel
like the Peckham Prat.

Well, in that case, have a rum.

How did you get this chicken to taste so
good?

We just followed the recipe, Popeye.

Popeye, as Mandy said, it's simply a
matter of applying the basic principles

domestic science and not applying a tin
opener, as you do.

It's an old African recipe.

You can keep it, Matthew. I was cooking
meals before you were born.

Could that be because you're
considerably older than me?

That was Gloria and her firm mother. She
said congratulations.

She wanted me to keep a bottle of
champagne for her and Alex, but I told

got it on sale or return.

I'll tell you, the way that lot down
there are working up a thirst, you lot

going to have to get out and get more.

Don't worry, Lee. Della's probably lost
the address.

Everybody knows where Desmond is.

She's missing some great food.

Lee, there's someone to see you.

Della! I mean, look, gorgeous.

I mean, look, everyone, this is Dylan.
Look, Dylan.

Hey, there's Cheryl. This is Dylan.
Hello.

I'm sorry I'm so late.

Lee told me this was a special occasion,
so I stopped off to get you a present.

Oh, thank you. Well, I took a bit longer
than I thought, and when I came out of

the shop, my car had been towed away.

It takes me all this time to get it
back.

Traffic wardens, eh?

Couldn't have used your influence.

Anyway, it doesn't matter now. Well,
you're here now, and that's all that

matters. Yes, enjoy yourself. There's
good food, good wine, good company.

Yes, and you've got a good man.

And that's just the ticket.

Did I say ticket?

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