All language subtitles for Desmonds s06e07 The Speech.eng

From the long hot night to the notion
free, to the damp and to the rain of

London City.

We come from the sun to live in the
cold, I miss Miranda, watch my coconut

Let's keep the music sweet, wind up the
awareness, feel the action.

Eat it or leave it alone.

Gloria.

I hate him.

No, you don't. Yes, I do. I hate him.
Oh, don't be so silly. Of course you

hate him. So Alex is away a few days
longer than you expected.

He doesn't love me anymore.

I don't even like you at this moment.

And don't look at me like you just lay
an egg.

It's grown -up time now, you know. You
can't come round here to stay every...

Every time Alex works away from home.

Well, I don't mind giving up my bed.

I mean, it was your old room before I
came to live here.

Ricky, what have I told you about eating
and reading at the table?

Don't you encourage Gloria?

Me and Alex have big plans for this
weekend.

Well, why don't we do something this
evening?

Hmm? How about a girls' night out?
There's a new Greek restaurant just

Oh, great. I love moussaka.

Ricky, firstly, you're not a girl. And
secondly...

Who asked you?

That's sexist, isn't it? Yes.

So. No, I'm okay.

I'm going to stay in, watch some TV,
have a long bath. Yeah, watch your

grow.

Gloria, look at me. I'm glad Desmond's
not here.

It gives me a little time to myself.
It's very important that you keep a

piece of yourself for you.

I understand, Mum. Thanks.

I just want to see you. Oh, Gloria.

All right, all right. This Greek
restaurant, then.

Is it the one where you can dance on the
table and smash all the plates? What do

you think? I want to go. Oh, great.

What about Dad? He's back this evening.
Oh, don't worry yourself about him.

After his weekend of being principal
guest speaker at the West Indian Barbers

Association annual conference, all he'll
want to do is... He'll tell us how

brilliant he was and then fall asleep.

Maybe I should have gone with him.

Missing Dad, are we?

Love isn't just for the young, you know,
Gloria.

Oh.

Oi, do you want that, Mum?

What are you doing?

What does it look like? Listen, there's
no step while he's away. Matthew and I

should make ourselves useful. So that's
what we're doing.

You should be grateful, Vince.

As you're on your own, you're going to
need all the help you can get. You know

the best way to help me? No.

Park your backside on that bench and...

You're so stubborn, eh? Even when we
were in the band, you couldn't tell him

anything. He used to be drumming a boss
enough a bit while we were trying to

play calypso.

You must learn to accept help, Vince,
man, not do everything yourself.

There's an old African saying.

The hen knows it is done, but leaves the
announcement to the cockerel. Think

about it.

Why do you have to speak plain English?

Well, sit down.

What are you doing, boy?

I'm just squaring my circle.

What did he say?

That's what my mum used to say when she
couldn't be bothered to explain

something. Ricky, find something to do
before something to you.

Ah, Flora, what are you doing this
morning?

I have a man with a long curly perm
coming in for your trim. Sorry, Vince.

got an interview with the editor of the
Peckham Gazette today. And before that,

I've got some errands to run for mum,
starting with the post. Now, Sean can

hair. Yeah, but Sean ain't here.

Lee's paying him to decorate some flat
in Peckham Rye. I didn't know Lee could

paint and things.

Yeah, he can't. Her name is Janet.

I've told him time and time again, don't
be so available.

But will he listen?

See ya.

Ah, Gloria, good to see you so bright
and early. Don't be too long, we've all

got to pull our waiters' fathers away.

Don't you frighten yourself sometimes?

Ah, good morning, Vincent.

Ricky, ready for work, are we?

Good.

What are you two doing here so early? I
didn't realise you had to clock in to

sit around and do nothing. Shouldn't you
be at the bank? It's Saturday, and

besides, duty calls.

What's that?

You can't cut here?

You've been watching Father all my life.
How difficult can it be?

Ah, morning, Maki.

Ah, morning, sir.

The usual Maki?

May I suggest, sir, try something
slightly different today?

You don't see that as my customer?

Um, who's in charge?

Hello?

How's Brittle?

What?

You forget your speech for this
afternoon?

But I put it in your hand.

Look, you check your bag.

Now, which table, Desmond?

The dining table?

Okay, hang on. I'll look for it.

Wait a minute.

We were standing right here.

I put the envelope in your hand. You
say, thank you, Shirley.

And I say, it's a pleasure.

Then you say,

where my hat?

And I said, it's on your head.

Then you say, thank you, Shirley, girl.
And you sat down right here to wait for

the taxi. You definitely had the speech
in your hand. Then... Nothing.

sat in your chair with me.

See?

Oh, he's still on the line.

Desmond, I'm coming.

Hey?

No. No one. I was just talking to
myself.

No, sorry.

All right, I'll just keep on looking for
it. And when I find it, I'll fax it to

you.

All right?

Bye -bye, Desmond. Bye.

Even while you're away, you still gave
me trouble.

Careful. You're cutting it a bit too
short.

Do this side now, to balance it out. Oh,
look, you two. We're only trying to

help. I think I'm doing rather well,
considering it's my first time.

You're getting a nice shape down the
back.

You know, I wasn't sure at first, but
then I realised all you have to do is

simply follow the natural hairline down
from the ear, which takes the right

angle, which then leads you to the
correct shape.

Look, it won't take us that long to
paint again, Sean. You, you mean? I do

a life, you know.

Yeah, so the decorating is going all
right, then? No.

Look, we've just got to paint the
sitting room again, that's all.

Look, Lee, next time, just buy the paint
from a legit paint shop.

Dare I ask what colour you've painted
the wall?

Oh, and the ceiling.

Yellow.

Got it cheap off my mate Barry, who
works for the council.

Oh, he got me a whole range of colours.

The council painted my kitchen yellow.
Yeah, but this is the stuff you paint

yellow lines on the road with.

Now, that is right.

Yeah, well, I didn't know you'd been
shifted to the roads and parks

did I?

Look, all we've got to do, right, is get
the rest of the paint, see what colours

we've got left, right, get back to work.
Now, once we've got that done, it's me,

you, and cracking sauce out on the rads
tonight.

Um, Lee, does my father know about this
little storeroom of yours?

Well, I should hope so. He's charging me
$2 .50 a day.

This is the last time I'm hoping you
out, man, even if you are paying me for

You need to rethink your strategy on how
to get a woman, cos this ain't working.

Look, it'll be all right. Just wait and
see.

I wish Barry had labelled these paint
cans.

All right, here goes it.

Oh, yellow.

Yellow.

How's it going, Vince? Don't talk to me,
mate. What's your cut in here?

Ignorance is truly fragile in such a big
man.

Yellow.

Tenzing, everybody.

Smart boy.

The time is eleven -fifth.

But it's only ten o 'clock.

Oh, red.

Oh, well, wicked. What kind of red is
it?

It's red root red.

Holy! Oh, Sean, Sean, no, wait. Look.
Hello, everybody.

All right, Mandy. Is your mum and Sean?
Yeah, try upstairs.

Morning, everyone.

Morning, Mandy.

Oh, Deadman, I thought you were...

Michael? Ah, Mandy.

You don't know anything about barbering.
Ah, not you as well.

You're taking advantage of the sale at
miles of material. Yes, Shirley told me

about it. It's a wonderful shop. I have
never seen so many designs.

Authentic African prints and the
colours.

Authentic African prints in Beckham?
Well, let me have a look.

Well, well, well.

Oh, yes.

They like all these English designs in
the cabia.

How much did you pay for this one? Well,
it was a bargain. £5 .50 a yard.

Last price.

I have this shirt. I got it in 1963.

I've been looking for a dressmaker to
make a copy.

Do you work in Sears, sucker?

Ricky,

are you going to help me with these bags
or what?

Don't speak to Ricky like that, Gloria.

It's all right, Michael.

Gloria's having a bit of a time.

Emotionally off centre.

You know, crying and everything.

Alex is going to be away a bit longer
than she thought, so... What's your

skin made out of? Rhino white?

Love is a terrible thing, I know.

I've had my heart broken many times.

Is this an introduction to another of
your stories?

Yes. Her name was Petunia Castello.

She was a beautiful, intelligent,
caring, sweet -smelling woman.

I can see why she left you.

I really knew how to move her body, but
I could still teach her a step or two.

She was a dancer.

Anyway, she got a break to go off for
dancing on one of these cruise ships.

And so I told her she had to go and not
give a second thought to me, who would

be left all alone, trying to find a
reason to carry on living.

Ah, so you made it easy for her then,
did you, Porkpie?

That's such a sad story, Porkpie. You
were so brave.

Yes, but by then I discovered that she
couldn't cook.

You've really cheered me up. Thanks,
Uncle Porkpie. Gloria, I want to work

you. Sure. Upstairs.

Yes. And you've looked everywhere.

Yes. Then we can safely say it's not.

Oh, look, that's another story, Dad.

Why did they all... What?

Irresponsible, quarrelsome, irritating,
forgetful? Who knows?

Gloria, those letters you posted for me
that were on the table, you didn't post

it with them by mistake, did you? I
think I would have noticed, Mum. I put

inside one of my old college folders.

You know, the one with all that red
ribbon -y stuff on it, remember?

Yes. You mean this one?

The one he said he wouldn't be seen dead
with.

Then I put it in one of the plain
envelopes. One of these.

Yeah. Then he left it on the table.

I think I might have posted it after
all. You see, if your mind wasn't on

Alex boy, you would have seen that the
envelope only had Desmond written on it.

It's all my fault, is it? Yes.

Now, run back to the post box. Wait for
the postman to come and empty the box.

Then rescue it.

Don't worry, all right? Just don't
worry.

Stay in. I got to the post box just as
the mailman was just about to leave with

the mail.

It's gone.

What are you going to do?

I'll go.

Can you remember any of it? No, but you
must be able to remember something.

Um, right.

Come, Gloria.

Write this down. All right.

Now, how did you begin?

Um, friends, barbers, countrymen.

Lend me your shares.

I never realised this barber was so
taxing. My hands are killing

me.

Listen, everybody.

We've got a crisis on our hands.

Desmond forgot to take his speech.
Gloria posted it by mistake with some

letters. Now we can't remember a word of
it. So we need your help.

If we put our heads together, I'm sure
we can come up with something even

than he had before.

I mean, we're all talented, educated,
humorous, generous people. Don't blow

So, let's make Desmond's day, yeah? He'd
be so grateful. All right, Shirley.

Give me some paper.

How did he take the bad news?

Well, he doesn't know it's lost yet.

Oh, he's going to kick off. We're
forever bailing him out of some

situation he's got himself embroiled in.
I mean, do we have to do this, Mother?

Yes, because he's your father. I'm your
mother. I'm not asking you. I'm telling

you. Here.

Got some pens if anyone wants?

Oh, don't worry about me.

As I'm a student, I always have a pen on
my person.

My father sent this over from Africa
when I was about to take my very first

exam. Oh, so it's an antique.

So, Desmond's speech is supposed to be
about the barbershop in the old days,

what it's like now, and how he imagines
it might be in the future. You mean

yesterday, today, and tomorrow?

Seeing as I was here in the beginning,
I'll do yesterday.

I think Michael ought to do tomorrow.

Yes, I've got some pretty radical and
revolutionary ideas I'd like to put to

him, and this might be the best way to
do it. It spares me having to tell you

it's rubbish to your face.

Right, I'll do today.

I know I'm only part -time, but there's
a few things I want to say about work

conditions, pay, holidays.

Vince, you want to stay part -time or go
no -time?

I'm going to write about all the
exciting things I've learned from Mr

Can you make sweeping up sound exciting?

Just get right in. It's 12 o 'clock and
Desmond needs this speech by 2 o 'clock

this afternoon.

Oh, all right. Having my beautiful
daughter Gloria around, even though she

her own career as a fabulous journalist,
is a true asset to the today feel of

the barbershop.

Gloria,

just stop your stupidness and write it
in.

Time is running out. But surely it won't
get to Desmond by 2 o 'clock. He's in

Bristol.

Pork pie, we've come a long way since
the days of the carrier pigeon.

Michael, pork pie, we're going to fax it
to him, okay?

So just write something, anything.

Who's paying Desmond's hotel bill?

Don't encourage him, anyone.

It must be very expensive hotel. He'd be
at the fax in every room.

No, the fax is probably at reception,
pork pie. Unless, of course, he's in a

suite, in which case the fax would be in
his room. Now, I once say that the

purple marigold... There'll be nothing
to fax to Desmond if we don't stop

chatting and get right in.

I'm still waiting, you know. Oh, sorry,
Seabird.

I bet Mr Ambrose uses my bit by keeping
Matthew with cups of tea, sandwiches,

keeping my room tidy and not playing my
music to him.

Oh, look, Ricky, something for you to
sweep up.

Here we are.

Admire the material. I'm to ask for a
little man called Douglas and ask him

the sale price can be higher than the
retail price. Right. I'm going to enjoy

this.

Well, thank you for all your hard work.

No, it was a pleasure, Shirley. I really
enjoyed myself.

Was it you that wrote about the
barbershop being an oasis in the midst

Peckham Bridge with memories of times
gone by?

That was me.

What's wrong with it?

Nothing, nothing. He won't use that.
Well, it is better than suggesting that

Desmond turn the shop in a driving
hamburger joint with a little bit of

cutting on the side.

I never wrote that. No, I did. And what
I was talking about was the modern

approach to life. I mean, we've got
video, cashpoint machines, fast food.

haircut? Not in your case, Vince.

No, the idea is to be able to get a
haircut and a meal as well, if you so

choose. But we have that already.

Cheers.

Has there been a phone to thank us yet?

Oh, we don't know if he's received it
yet. Then I'm going to dedicate a whole

chapter in my memoirs to today's writing
event and how I saved Desmond's bacon

once again.

Popeye, haven't I told you that memoirs
are fact, not fiction?

What did Dad have to say?

We haven't heard a word yet.

Ah, he's probably busy memorizing his
speech for this afternoon.

Uh, my father in 45 minutes.

Well, the point is, I faxed Dad his
speech, and while I was there, I faxed

Alex to tell him how much I missed him.
I hope he's going to fax me back.

Hmm. I wish they had invented faxes when
I was young and caught him frantic

finding my clean talk.

In my hometown, the nearest post office
was ten miles away, and I couldn't

drive. And?

Well, one day we had a row, so the next
day Franzi Fanny came to visit me.

But I was out walking the ten miles to
the post office to send her my letter of

apology. She never called again.

Oh, never mind, Matthew.

Hello. Ah, Father.

OK, all right.

What was the talk to you?

Thank you, Michael.

Hi, Desmond.

Well?

What?

Yes, Desmond, and, um, goodbye and thank
you.

Oh, do you know what the man said?

No. He said it's dull.

He said some of it is all right, but it
isn't funny enough.

He wants jokes, too.

He said we should think of some humorous
events that happened in the shop to

liven it up, and he's phoning back in
ten minutes.

Oh, so he doesn't want to put us under
any pressure, then.

Ten minutes haven't gone yet. Desmond?

Desmond?

Look. It's not ten minutes laps since
lunch.

Oh, Alex.

I'm sorry. She can't come to the phone
right now. Family crisis. Bye.

No!

Yeah,

Dad? Listen, everybody's written a funny
story for you, but mine's the funniest,

so I'll go first, right?

You got a pen?

Right. Do you remember that time when
you suggested to Mum that she does the

manicures and the pedicures?

Yeah, it's funny. Let me finish.

And the only people that turned up were
these three council workmen digging up

the road. And when they took off the
boards, you let them down.

of other people's feet.

So what's it called then?

Photophobia!

Give me the phone.

What for?

Dad said he wanted a funny story. You
failed, so give me the phone. Listen,

only thing funny is your hair.

Oh yeah, and your suit.

Anyway, Dad, listen, what?

We should do it slowly.

Get her off the phone. Let me talk to
Desmond. My story is definitely funny.

Desmond, you remember the time when that
Jamaican brother came in the shop and

he wanted an haircut?

And when you started cutting his hair,
he went mad because he said he wanted a

haircut, not a haircut.

Hair in his hairs.

What? Well, Vince thinks it's funny.

I'll soon show you something funny.

Let me tell you a matter about the
shampoo.

What shampoo?

You know, the job lot of shampoo Desmond
got from Lee. What happened again?

Dandruff epidemic.

Three people tried to sue Desmond.

That's not funny, Matthew. I couldn't
sleep for nearly a week worried sick

where we were going to get all this
money from.

There was that time when you always tell
me when he's finished.

Desmond, you're still there?

Boy, you hear the noise in the shop?

Everyone is... What? What did you say?

Desmond?

What happened? Ran out of money.

Oh, God. Well, I know the number. We'll
call him back. He said something about a

taxi and the time.

Twenty -five to two. He had to leave to
get to the hall. It's quite a drive.

Well, we tried.

But did we try hard enough?

What happened?

Well, we went to buy some more paint to
cover up the yellow, right? Then I

remembered I had a tin of sunset
tangerine in the back of the motor. So

said...

OK, I suggested that we should rag -roll
the walls and it would really look

nice. So he made me tear up the dust
sheet that was covering the sofa, dip it

the paint and roll it on the walls.

Yeah, we was doing all right until some
paint went in Sean's eye. He dropped the

rag, I dashed to save it, accidentally
pushed Sean, who rolled across the wet

walls and onto the sofa.

I don't think Danny's going to see me
again.

Mum, it was so shaming. Yeah, and
knackering.

Well, I'm so exhausted.

I never knew that using one's creative
juices could be so draining.

Once Desmond gets back here and ting,
then we can eat, eh, sure? Yes, Popeye,

you've earned it.

Well, I just saw something up, but I
think I'm suffering from writer's elbow.

Small boy, this place is rather
scrumptious.

I should know.

Would you like to stay for dinner,
Michael?

I'd love to, Mother, but Mandy's
prepared a little something.

It's her special occasion.

What? Well...

19 weeks since our engagement.

Oh, and I forgot to send you a card.

Isn't that wonderful?

Look, I've just collected my fax from
Alex.

Ah!

Now, where is Edmund? He should be here
by now.

Maybe he stopped talking with some
friend.

Or drowned his sorrows.

I'm sure it went well, Mr Grant. You
gave him some good stuff.

If he performed it well enough.

Oh, Desmond's a great performer.

Yeah, man. Remember how we used to do
all the chatting to the audience

we played a gig?

How could I forget?

Yeah, the music reviews used to talk
about Desmond's rapport with the

Yes, but what did they say about the
music?

I don't remember all the details.

Any more tea, Shirley?

No, no, a couple of father's beers, if
you're interested.

Yeah, man.

I don't like fizzy drinks, anyway.

What's he done now?

Oh, nothing.

He said the speech was a huge success.

In fact, it was so successful, they've
asked him to stay over tonight and give

the wrap -up speech for the conference
tomorrow.

What? Yes. The title is The Future of
Small Businesses and could be faxed to

by first thing in the morning.

One more thing.

He said, and make it funny.

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