All language subtitles for Desmonds s06e02 Hatchet Job.eng

From the Longmont Bay to the ocean
breeze, to the damp and to the rain of

15.

We come from the sun to live in the
coal, I miss my rum, I want my coconut

Let's keep the music street, wind up the
awareness field.

Popeye, that's not how to spell
achiever.

Remember, it's I before E except after
T. Who says?

Those are the rules.

When it comes to T, P always comes
before M.

Those are my rules.

So which part of your memoirs are you
working on now, Popeye? School days.

Are you using the word achiever?

I was a very promising pupil.

Yes. You were always promising to attend
school, only you always got

sidetracked. Well, by my creative muse,
Dermond.

By my passion to create music.

I thought you were with the Georgetown
Dreamers.

Better that than wandering the halls of
macadamia for your entire life.

Academia, pork pie.

Macadamias are nuts.

So that's why you were there.

What are you going to call your memoirs,
pork pie? The Diary of a Mad Lollipop

Man? How about... pork pie the
wilderness years.

No, how about a slice of pork pie?

I like that.

At last, a real writer.

So, Gloria, how are you getting on with
your article? You know, the one about

young black business people.

Oh, really? Well, Mum, my editor is
talking about me going full time.

Oh, I like the song to that. Mind you, I
still think you should have featured

me. The fact that you're not young, Dad.

Or particularly successful.

Could have had something to do with it.
Mind you, one out of three ain't bad,

Des. So, who are you going to
interrogate today, then?

Michael. Michael?

Well, he qualifies in all three areas.

He's a branch manager of a bank. He's
young, gifted and black.

As opposed to old, wrinkled and
knackered.

And Michael insisted that I dress in a
manner conducive to the corporate

backdrop. e .g.

Nasty Navy.

And I can't forget his big -headedness,
because he's only allowing me 30 minutes

of his precious time.

Anyway, I'm off. See you. Bye.

So, Lee, what's the secret of your
success?

The one thing that makes Mr Lee Stanley
stand head and shoulders

above his competitors is his
unpretentious approach towards his much

clientele. Quite simply, he has... The
common touch.

It pays to remember the customer is
always king.

Sit still, no man.

Mandy, I'm still waiting for you to put
that call through to head office.

My, my, did someone get out of the wrong
side of my bed this morning?

Now, place the call, will you? And just
type up 300 reports.

And while you're at it, phone and see if
St. John is free for squash. And after

that, find me a superlative recipe for
asparagus souffle. And what's the

franc doing against the dollar?

Hello. I have a call for you from
Michael Ambrose at the Peckham branch.

If you could just manage to pick up the
receiver yourself.

Hello?

Jane.

Any luck with finding a replacement for
my PA yet?

Yeah, Manny will be leaving by the end
of the month.

Why?

I believe it's personal. Look, it's
imperative I get someone reliable ASAP.

Yes, I want a smooth changeover, no
hiccups.

Mandy will show the ropes.

Oh, you've got someone in mind.

What do you mean, Mandy?

Oh, only our mothers could tell us apart
today.

You're right.

Don't tell me you got a letter from the
bank manager.

Something like that.

Listen, Gloria, could we have a chat
after your interview?

Yes, she is familiar with the branch.

OK. As long as it's only temporary.

You better send her around.

Yep, tomorrow will be fine.

Right, let's get started, Michael.

I can't stay too long because I've got
to go to lunch with Mandy.

What? But I'm supposed to be taking
Mandy to lunch. 29 minutes on content.

you, bye -bye.

Oh,

nice.

You know, it's good to see Gloria
standing on her own two feet at last.

Sorry, my little sugarplum.

You know, seeing her in that blue suit
today... Reminded you of... Our wedding

day? Mm -hmm. I didn't wear blue.

I did.

Oh, yes, you got to.

I wonder if Gloria and Alex will... Ever
tidy not? I suppose if you ever get to

take a job.

You didn't have one, Desmond Ambrose,
when you married me. I know.

And your father was up in arms against
it.

Now it's my turn.

There's no such thing these days as a
steady job.

There's more cuts being made out there
than there's ever been made in here.

Well, we better get back to the jobs
we've got.

Look at that mess.

I wouldn't mind so much, but they never
leave me a tip.

Don't worry, my little honey bunch.

With new triple action Desmond's,
household chores are a thing of the

Hey, look.

Popeye's left some of his pages behind.

Time for a sneak preview.

Yes, ma 'am.

You know how secretive he's been about
that.

Yes, but I mean, I could give him a
hand. I mean, if I cast a critical eye

it. If Popeye wanted your critical eye,
he'd have asked you for it. Exactly.

That's why he left them behind. He's too
proud to ask.

You do that behind an old friend's back?
Well, that's what friends are for.

On your own head, be it, Desmond.

Demerara Fitzpatrick.

George Sung's answer to Josephine Baker.

I didn't know that Popeye had... I
wonder what else he's been hiding under

Popeye hat all these years.

The sly old dog.

Happy now?

Listen to this, Charlie.

It is time, dear reader, to introduce
you to one of the key players in my

Desmond Jazzy D.

Ambrose, a more conceited and unpleasant
character you could never wish to meet.

The hours I wasted listening to this
man, Desmond, drone on about his foolish

theories on this, that, and the other.

Dear Lord, if I could live my life
again, Please make sure that Desmond has

part in it.

There must be some mistake.

No, no, it's here in Popeye's own
handwriting.

But Popeye wouldn't have. Well, he has.

After all these years thinking that
Popeye is my best friend.

I sue him for slander.

For defamation of character.

When I'm freezing at Augustus Neapolitan
Turncoat.

Stop slapping.

He'll wish he'll never meet me.

I tell you what, a slice of faux pie
indeed.

I'll cut them up into little pieces.

What, Michael, is that you?

Well, it's only a matter of time.

I'm supposed to stay on and help my
replacements settle in so there's a

changeover. The sword of Damocles is
hanging over my head.

Oh, you've got some great going, has he?

You two are an item, you know.

sort of thing. Well, obviously, he's
tired of the relationship and wants to

rid of me. Throw the file -marked Mandy
into his emotional outrage.

You know, you could turn this to your
advantage.

Yes, I could write a bestseller saying
how you should never mix balance sheets

with bed sheets.

No.

Hand in your number.

Tell him what he can do with his poxy
job.

And do what?

Go into business with Fiona at the art
gallery.

You and her got like a house on fire
when Alex had his exhibition.

Known as artistic flair and your
business acumen... What?

Got the limit.

You could be an independent woman of the
90s just like me.

Natch Vickrey from the Jaws of Defeat.

You've got to make a great scene.

Like Thelma and Louise.

Caggy and Lacey.

Salt and pepper.

Anyway, I think I'm going to go for it.

I'm going to tell that banker of a
brother of yours exactly what I think of

Yeah, well, it worked for me.

And when I finish this bottle...

Michael's going to get a very big
surprise.

When I finish my article, he's going to
get another one.

I should think I was going to write a
glowing article, Mr Michael Ambrose.

But now I owe it to my readers to tell
them the truth. To the independent women

of the 90s.

Of course, when I worked here, a lunch
hour was exactly that.

60 minutes.

Mandy must have been delayed.

Anyway, Pamela, I wasn't expecting you
till tomorrow.

No time like the present, Mr Ambrose.

Surprised that you asked head office for
my services at all.

I got the distinct impression when I was
here before that you didn't... When you

insinuated that I only got the job of
bank manager because I was black.

A misunderstanding, Mr.

Ambrose. No, no, no, Michael, please.

You are going to be working for me after
all.

Albeit on a temporary basis.

Ah, Pauline.

Thank you very much.

You'll notice quite a few new faces
around here.

Yes, quite.

Well, well, well.

Maybe this is Pamela Peterson, the
perfect PA.

Although, of course, in your case, PA
stands for pain in the... Have you

Yes,

Michael, and plenty of it.

I've been celebrating the end of our
relationship, professional and

What? This is highly unprofessional.

When I was here... When you were here,
you used to go about it as if there was

bad... Smell under your nose. And you
were right.

There is something rotten here, and its
name is Michael Ambrose.

Miss Mandy, I think you should... Go
home?

Excellent idea, Mr.

Ambrose. That's exactly where I'm
heading.

I'm quitting, as of now.

It was bad enough that you were going to
sack me, but to replace me with the...

o 'clock appointment.

Mrs. McSweeney has been waiting for 15
minutes already.

What shall I tell her?

Just go in.

Oh, man.

To find out your best friend thinks less
of you than your worst enemy.

Look, Desmond.

When pork pie gets here... Before that
man comes back in here again, hell would

have frozen over.

Shut up, Leroy.

I'll finish you off, Leroy.

Oh, no. Does this mean Des is making a
tea?

Remember to keep the pot hot, Desmond.
And Papa likes his milk in first.

That's the last time that man will eat
or drink in here ever again.

To think of the number of times he's
come up to me, cap in hand, begging,

please.

Just things you wouldn't understand,
sir.

What's all this about, then, Des? Well,
it's a private matter between that

lollipop man and myself.

This can only mean one thing, ma 'am.

Well, Des run myself supposed to pork by
having a haircut at Fat Larry's.

Hey, that's far enough.

In fact, that is too far. What?

Don't you come the innocent with me, you
Judas, you double -dealing...

This has been a dreadful day.

First, pork pie betrays his best friend.

Then Michael does the dirt, your Mandy.

And now, I've just realized that two of
my library books are overdue.

And I have to pay a fine.

Well, they say trouble comes in three.

We should find out all the facts.

You're all acting like judge and jury
here.

Exhibit A.

Is this or is this not Popeye's
handwriting?

No one has rice quite like Popeye.

It's like a mixture of hieroglyphics and
morsel.

This Demerara Fitzpatrick was certainly
a goer, ain't this?

Was she then, Dad?

Never you mind.

I had no idea pork pie had any dealings
with that woman.

Exactly. None of us knew pork pie at
all.

Oh, what about Michael, then? You can't
say he ain't your own flesh and blood.

I've only known Michael for 32 years.
I've known pork pie for over 50.

Well, there's an old African saying.

You can choose your friends, but you
can't choose your relatives, eh,

That's not an African saying.

Yeah, everyone says that.

Well, I think we may safely assume that
an African said it first.

Well, I know my son and I don't believe
a word of it.

Cheryl's got a point there, Claude. I
mean, all the evidence so far is purely

circ... Well, it's word of mouth, isn't
it?

It's all gone wrong. Daddy, what's
happened?

And Michael just stood there and let me.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I give
you Exhibit M.

I thought I knew Michael. His mood
swings, his oddball sense of humour, his

funny little peccadillo. Well, he never
got any of those from me.

Oh, Desmond.

Look, let's go upstairs and talk this
thing through. Come on, Mandy.

Don't worry, Mandy. That son of mine
will reap what he's sown. He's going to

a nasty shock when he reads glorious
articles.

A beat has been a dominoes.

But I've done that hundreds of times
before.

I scratched his 78th recording of the
Potaro Polkknockers Calypso Band.

But that was in 1962.

Can't have taken him all this time to
get angry.

Maybe he's sick.

He seemed strong enough to me when he
threw me out of the shop.

Ah, well.

Lady Luck has left me in the lurch
again.

No wife.

No family.

And now, no best friend.

There's something you have to understand
about Ambrose men.

Yeah, them are thick.

That's just that communication is not
their strong point.

Well, I got the message loud and clear.

Oh, they don't have any problem being
loud. It's being clear they find it

difficult. I've never had any luck with
men. As far as I'm concerned, the world

would be a happier place if every man
just disappeared of his own ego.

Be specific, Mandy.

If Michael would like to all see vanish
off the face of the planet,

Gloria, that's an awful thing to say.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Ambrose. I don't mean to

start a family row.

Arguments are a way of life in this
family.

But you're right about one thing,
though.

Whenever there's trouble, men are
usually at the root of it.

And it's down to the women to start
things out.

Good, then, Mom.

Look, Gloria, tell Matthew and Lee I
want to see them up here now.

All right.

Mandy, don't worry. Everything's going
to be all right.

Mum's got her attitude on.

Gloria, are you still here?

Why do you want to speak to Matthew and
Lee, Mrs. Ambrose? I don't want there to

be any sort of rough stuff.

Mandy, the only person handing out any
rough stuff around here is going to be

me.

I've just put the last of Mandy's
belongings in a carrier bag.

Although, why is she needed this?

I'm sure I don't know.

It must have been for that in -house
promotion.

I've taken the liberty of ordering a
motorcycle courier to take the bag to

flat. And if you finish the letter
accepting her resignation, I could type

and pop it in.

Hello,

Michael Ambrose office.

Pamela Peterson speaking.

How may I help you?

May I ask what it's concerning?

It's a personal call.

Thank you, Pamela. That'll be all.

Look, Mandy.

Ah, hello, Mother.

Yeah, well, actually, I'm rather, um...
No, no, no, no, no, it's fine.

No, it's not.

Yes, yes, look, if you insist, I'll be
there.

Look, I said I'll be there.

Michael, if you're pushed for time... I
could write that letter for you and sign

it on your behalf.

Of course, it would help tremendously
with the phrasing of it if you could

me exactly why you saw fit to replace
Mandy.

She was never a suitable person for this
position anyway.

Too young.

Too emotional.

Really? And I can imagine that you had
other good reasons for letting her go.

Perhaps I should tell you. In the
strictest confidence, of course.

Of course. Of course.

Lovely. This will help steady my nerve.

I mean, the moment Michael comes in,
sees me, then turns on his heel and goes

right back out again.

Just let him try.

You're a monk's friend, Mandy, and what
you need is a little Dutch courage.

Oh, no thanks, Gloria.

Dutch courage didn't get me very far at
lunchtime.

I think I need to keep a cool head.
That's a very good idea, Mandy.

Absolutely. It's like playing dominoes.
When facing the enemy, you've got to be

cool, calm, and collected.

Never showing the slightest flicker of
emotion.

Never show your hand.

We brought him, Cheryl.

Get out of my house, I told you. I only
came because Shirley asked me to. What?

We've got to get everything sorted out
tonight, Desmond.

This business between you and Popeye and
Michael and Mandy.

Oh, what's a woman?

Your ancestors must definitely have come
from the Gambia.

No, she was right. They just ate a man
out. Go on, Dad.

All right, all right. Can you explain
these, Popeye? Ah, my missing pages.

I've been hunting high and low for
these.

Don't tell me you and Devorah are a...
The next page!

And I quote,

the number of hours I spent listening to
that dreadful man, Desmond.

Defend yourself now.

Page 64.

Page 4 is about my school days and the
dreaded headmaster we had, Archibald

Desmond.

Archibald Desmond?

That man could freight me to death at 50
paces.

No, the pages aren't in order.

Page 64, about my ill -spent youth,
that's where you come in.

What you're trying to say is that these
pages don't run consecutively. No, I'm

not. What I'm saying is that they don't
run together.

by my dear friend.

Come on, have a rum.

Surely, I told you it was some kind of a
mix -up.

But, you see, I should have known
better. Yes, you should.

Oh, seconds out, round two.

Where have you been? I've been trying to
get in touch with you all day. I've

been here, Michael, amongst friends. I
think you've got some explaining to do,

Michael. You should be ashamed of
yourself.

You're banging out of order.

If I hadn't contacted your branch, I'd
have closed it on principle.

No, he sacked Mandy. What?

Don't try to deny it, Michael. I heard
you on the phone arranging my

with that horrible woman, Pamela. You've
got the floor, Michael. I'm sure

there's a simple explanation.

Well, actually, there is, Father.

I was planning for Mandy to leave at the
end of the month. But why, Michael?

Because head office strongly disapproved
of people working close together who

were... who were married.

What? Married?

Look, I had planned to discuss this with
you in an intimate atmosphere over

dinner down at Gina's Trattoria tonight,
but... Married?! Mandy.

Will you marry me?

Yes, Michael, I will!

Well?

Where's the ring, then, Michael?

I've made an appointment with...

in Hatton Garden.

Mandy and I will choose it together.

Oh, smart move, eh? You didn't want to
get it first just in case you got a

knockback.

The future Mrs.

Ambrose and I would like to invite you
down to Gina's tonight for a celebration

meal. I haven't been able to eat all
day.

Romance and generosity.

You may be a chip off the old block yet.

Michael, if you don't mind, I'll catch
you up later. Why is that, Gloria?

Well, let's just say the article I wrote
about Michael wasn't exactly that

flattering.

In fact, it was a little... A hatchet
job.

Yeah, Dad.

What? And it goes suppressed in 11
minutes. I've just got to make a quick

call.

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