All language subtitles for Desmonds s05e09 Kiss of the Spiderman

From the long hot night with an ocean
breeze to the damp and to the rain of

London city.

We come from the sun to live in the
cold, I miss Miranda, what my coconut

Let's keep the music sweet, wind up your
way to the field.

Now you take it easy, Mr. Gatkin.

There you go.

Bye -bye.

Desmond, I'm sorry to say this, but I
think you need some new customers.

Why? What's wrong with the old ones?

Nothing. But for a barbershop to operate
successfully, it would help if the

customers had hair.

You just leave my hair out of this.

Well, we have to, as your hair left your
head a long time ago.

I hope you charge Methuselah the full
rate and not your OAP rate.

Look, I cut what's left of his hair in
three minutes flat. You want me to

him the full rate?

The way you cut hair, you shouldn't
charge at all.

What we need is a new generation of
regular Desmond's customers to keep us

business right through to the next
century. He won't listen.

The young people who come here don't
want haircuts, we do.

Who does?

Oh, they want front line, high top, skin
fade and all kind of different designs.

But Tony does those. If he gave his side
of the business more emphasis,

perhaps... Yes.

Now, we think... Since when you become
we, Matthew?

Until you learn more practical
experience instead of book experience,

bother to tell me how to run my
business.

Well, I sense a distinct air of anti
-intellectuality today.

What is going on?

It's only Sean and your mother up there.

You want to guess who it is?

Sean!

Sean! What is Sean doing listening to
records when he should be studying for

exams? Apparently he's organizing a
dance of some sort at his college.

Probably a dancer.

Brings it all back.

Um,

better get back.

Have you ever heard such a night? This
old house is shaky enough as it is. Yes,

and so is this old barber.

Gloria, how did you get on? Don't ask.

300 applicants, and I probably won't
even bother telling me I didn't get the

job. Oh, but you must not give up. I
know.

Why, is Sean still playing that madness?

Sean!

You know, you used to play your music
that loud.

It's not the... volume, that's the
problem.

Oh, yes, it is.

It's the words.

You mean they're our words? Yeah, and
they're shameful and it's all Sean

Oh, singing my praises again, eh, sis?

Listen, I'm off to Spiders, yeah?

Spiders? You mean that good -for
-nothing school friend of yours?

You mean Spider Ranks, London's latest
dance hall don?

He's the main attraction at our dance.

Britain's answer to Shabba. Who?

Shabba Ranks.

Biggest and broadest death DJ.

And even though he's buzz, he stills
have done.

And the kids on the crosshairs.

Spider's a big -time rag -a -star now,
you know. And with his name on the

posters, we'll get all the homies and
beanies queuing up for tickets.

Homies and beanies? Anybody got a
dictionary?

Boys and girls, Dad.

Spider's doing really well, you know. I
mean, you can't even turn on the radio

without hearing one of his tunes.

I can't. I've never heard him.

Oh, well, what station do you listen to,
Matt?

Radio 4.

Yeah,

you should.

Because I don't want you playing that
music in this house anymore, Sean

I'm sorry, did I miss something?

Mum, is that you disguised as Gloria?

Listen, do you have the right to tell me
what I can and can't do in my own

house? I'm not telling you what you can
and can't do in your own house. I'm

telling you to stop playing them
records, especially that Annie song.

Annie's Wicked Man, that was Spider's
first tune.

Anyway, I don't know what all the fuss
is about. They're only songs.

They're not only songs.

They're sexist, homophobic,
misogynistic... Misogyny? Oh, men that

Uncle Paul Pye. What kind of man hates
woman?

Listen, I'm out of here. Uh, uh, uh, uh.
Before you go, why don't you let us

hear one of Spider's songs?

Well, I can't really remember the words,
you know. You're too light. All right,

I'll help you.

I have a little girl. She's sweet like
honey. Come lay down. Honey, let me rub

you. Gloria!

Gloria!

Look,

look, I've got to give the customer what
they want. Ain't that right, Dad?

Absolutely, son.

But surely that depends on what they
want. You tell them, Mum.

Listen, Gloria, you've got nothing
better to do. I do.

See you later.

Whee! Second!

Second, second, second.

Hold it down.

Coming to you live and direct.

Desmond's massive, biggie top fit,
spider rank.

Spider rank, more like.

Good afternoon, Mr Ambrose, Mrs Ambrose.

And Gloria.

What, my Nubian queen?

I'm not one of them skinhead girls, you
know. I'm an intelligent, independent

woman. Yeah, all right, all right.

You're an independent, intelligent
woman.

But, um, you still look fit, though. You
want... Excuse me.

Well, well.

You blink, and before you know it, your
children are arguing over politics.

And the big words.

What does homophobic mean?

Anti -gay, Popeye.

Oh, dear.

You know, we didn't have gay people when
we were young.

Yes, you did.

There have always been gay people.

We don't have them in Africa, of course.

Does Spider -Man just come in here?

What's it to you?

You see, I told you it was him, man.

You mean Spider -Man gets his hair cut
here?

Well... Could you do me cut just like
Spider -Rex?

Now? No, I ain't got no money on me now,
but can you do it? Well, of course,

then. All right, then, we'll see you.
More time, yeah?

Well, well, well.

Suddenly Desmond's is becoming
fashionable.

Hey, yo, Bernie.

How's it going, man? Thanks, man. What's
up?

So it's you who's organising this,
doesn't it? Believe?

Oh, I get it. No, no, no. If it's
tickets you want, sorry guys, no

We don't want none of your tickets.

We want you to cancel the Spider Ranks
gig.

You what?

You heard.

Cancel the Spider Ranks gig. You must be
crazy. Spider's the main attraction.

What have you got against him anyway?

He's a slack DJ, Sean.

Haven't you heard his tunes?

Yeah. Oh, and you sanction all that anti
-gay, anti -women stuff.

You haven't been talking to Gloria, have
you?

No. Look.

This is our college and our dance.

We're not going to allow our dance to be
insulted and alienated by someone we're

paying to perform.

But you're not paying him anything.
Spider's performing for free. It doesn't

make any difference.

If Spider's playing, no dance.

What, you think just because you lot
ain't going to come, it's not going to

happen? If we're not coming, no one else
will.

We'll picket the dance and make sure no
one can get in.

You're crazy.

Do we have a deal, then?

No Spider ranks.

No way.

Sean? Don't even bother calling my name.

If that's you, Gloria, go find someone
else to fight with.

No, it isn't Gloria, Sean. It's me,
Bernie.

Can I come in?

Sean?

Hey, can I come in?

Do what you like.

Look, man, I'm...

I just wanted to say, look, about this
afternoon and all that... What are you

doing hanging out with Debbie Milliton
and her posse for, anyway?

I mean, what have you got against
Spider?

Oh, hang on, it's Spider that's got
something against me.

Well, how do you mean?

Well, look, I mean, how do you expect me
to feel when there's some guy on stage

just dissing gay people all the time?

Well, come on, Spider's no different
from any other DJ.

I mean, what about that dance last
month? That DJ dropped pure slack tune

slack tune, and you were on the dance
floor all night.

Come on, Burn, they're only lyrics, they
don't mean anything. No, no, hold on a

minute. Wasn't it you who convinced me
that the messages in rap music were

to politicise black people?

So how come all of a sudden words don't
mean anything?

Well, come on, Bernie, that's different.
How?

Come on, how is it different?

I mean, how is it different from those
Negro spirituals they sang in churches

during slavery, huh?

Let my people go and all that?

Man, how can you say words don't mean
anything?

Well, if that's the way you feel, how
come it's never bothered you before?

well, it has.

But you know what it's like. It's almost
impossible to go to a dance without

hearing slackness.

But look, Sean, in this case, we do have
a choice.

It's our college. It's our dance.

You're my friend, and you're in charge
of the music.

Now, you've got to take a stand, Sean,
because if people hadn't stood up and

fought for what they believed in, then
you and I would still be cutting sugar

cane.

Well, at least you'd be in the sun.

I don't know, man. You know what,
Bernie?

What? You should be a politician, you
know that? Yeah?

Yeah. Can you imagine? A black gay MP.

Maybe even the first black Prime
Minister. Yeah.

As long as you'd have me in your
cabinet, of course.

Well, better than being in the closet.

But listen, what's to happen on
Saturday, then? I mean, the guys from

are still coming round to demonstrate.

What, even if I cancel Spider's PA?

No, not the PA.

Spider's celebrity appearance in the
shop.

I mean, you have seen the posters.

Shop? What posters?

I think you'd better go and talk to your
dad.

Well, it was nice of Spider agreeing to
make a personal appearance at Desmond's

for my little relaunch. Our relaunch,
Father. Yes, yes. Well, Spider and I can

speak to one another, musician to
musician.

Hey, what's going on?

What have you done with my posters?

Well, if Spider turns up to make his
appearance on Saturday afternoon, just

imagine how much free publicity you get
for your dance when everyone comes to

see their hero. Well, but, but, but...
And it's Father's idea as well as mine.

We'll settle, settle, settle!

You cannot promote Spider as some kind
of hero. He's a slack DJ.

Wait a minute.

Weren't you defending him a few days
ago?

Well, he's not playing anymore.

And I think he should cancel his visit
here tomorrow.

Do you know how much business we stand
to gain?

Michael, who cares about business?

He's setting a bad example for young
people to follow. Yeah, and bringing him

here is sanctioning those values.

Is who talking to you?

And fellas, would you two mind taking
your juvenile politics elsewhere? Look,

can't take my politics elsewhere. This
is my home. You don't even live here

anymore anyway.

Look, Michael, there are certain things
that come before money.

Like what?

Dad, will you cancel this thing?

Don't be stupid, Sean. The relaunch will
go ahead as planned.

I can talk to myself.

Don't be stupid, Sean. The relaunch will
go ahead as planned.

Look, Dad, if you don't cancel this
thing, then I'm going to go outside and

a demonstration.

What demonstration? Yeah, tomorrow
there's going to be a demonstration

Spider outside this shop.

You mean you want to join them
worthless, dirty, jing -bang, no -good,

frenzied...

Start this place on Saturday.

You know about this? Yes, well, they
came here talking about spider

demonstrations and boycotts, but all
kinds of stupidness. Well, Dad, why

you tell me?

Well, when you came in, you looked a bit
upset, so I thought I'd tell you later.

But I did not know that I had a traitor
living under my roof.

Mr. Ambrose, try and see our point of
view. Bernard, what's that got to do

it? Well, as a gay man... And as a
straight man... And as a businessman,

having too little fitness any longer on
my shop. Our shop. This shop. Look, are

you going to cancel it or not?

I'm sure Spider will turn up. He knows
the journalists are due to arrive at 2 o

'clock. Oh, by the way, they suggested a
photo opportunity with you in the

barber's chair, Father.

Right. So try and vaguely look like you
know what you're doing.

You mean like he's been trying to do for
the last 30 years?

Well, Desmond, you like it?

Safe, safe, safe.

Spider, you see any demonstrators on
your way over here?

Nah. Just a couple of fly girls looking
well... Well, um... They were looking

well.

Do you think they're really going to
demonstrate?

Well, you never can tell.

Ever since the 60s, students think they
could change the world by carrying

placards and singing stupid songs.

Well, you never used to complain when
the judge, Don Dreamers, played student

union gigs.

Cash in one hand, drink in the other.

What's all this about demonstration?

Why don't I ask Judas here?

How you doing, man? All right. Great,
man.

So, what's all this about a
demonstration?

In a minute.

By the way, listen, about tonight's gig,
I've had to cancel it, man.

Ah, don't worry about it, man. Look, I'm
really sorry, man. No, it's all right.

I tried to reach you and thing. I know,
I'm hard to find, innit? Yeah, I mean, I

know you're pointing yourself out now.
It's nothing personal. Well, it is sort

of. Sean, I said it's all right, man.

Yo, Dredd.

Yeah, it's me. What are you saying?

Yeah, listen, you know that other PA you
told me about tonight?

Yeah, I'll do it.

Yeah, sort it out already, yeah?

Safe. Peace, man.

So, Sean, what's going on, man?

Well, Spider, basically, because of your
slackness, people at college don't want

you coming up on stage chatting
nastiness and insulting everybody.

Which people?

Are you one of them?

Yes, I am, Spider.

Sean, man, you haven't teamed up with
that anti -slackness, politically

lobby, have you?

Look... People love me because of my
flack lyrics. Yeah, but what about all

women that you're dissing and stuff?

They're my biggest fans.

Listen, all the girlies, they love me.

Yeah, well, Spider, maybe they'll love
you even more if you show them some

respect, you know? Nah, man, you're
lost.

This is the reality business.

All that liberal theory don't work, man.

What's all that noise about?

It's the demonstrators.

They're coming for you.

Me?

Michael!

Desmond! Open up!

Barricade the doors!

Desmond, what is going on? Can you tell
looters when you hear them? They're not

looters, Desmond. They're protesters and
they're demonstrating for something

they believe in. Yes, something I
believe in and will stand up for, too.

Don't you even think of joining them.
Dad, if you're not part of the solution,

you're part of the problem.

Come on, Bernie, let's go.

Michael, let's not close.

barbershop Beirut.

Where? Where are you?

The demonstrators won't let you in?

They're blasted students.

Let's see what they can do.

Who was that Desmond? He's the
journalist from the newspaper.

These students won't let him into the
shop. What is this world coming to when

barber can't barber in peace?

That's it, I'm calling the police.

They think they can disrupt a reputable
bank manager in the course of promoting

his father's business. Have you tried to
see it from their point of view? The

students, they don't have a point of
view.

Desmond, I demand you retract that
statement.

I will do nothing of the sort.

You tell him, Des.

Spider, what is it you sing about that
make all these people feel so strongly?

I don't know, really.

Of course you do.

What is that Annie song about?

He seemed too ashamed to sing it. You
sing it for me now, Spider.

Mother, is this really necessary?

I don't want to.

Why not?

Don't worry, I'm broad -minded. I did
marry a musician, you know.

I can't.

Why, you think it will offend me too?

Maybe. So why do you sing about things
that you know will offend people?

I'm sure your mother didn't bring you up
that way. What would happen if your

mother heard one of your songs?

Mum's proud of me.

You know, I'm not an adult.

But don't lie. Don't teeth.

Anyway, I'm making money. I'm just
trying to make a living. Exactly.

What those students don't understand is
if they want to live in their idealistic

world, they should leave people like us
who live in the real world alone.

Right. I think I know where I stand.

This is where you're going.

Well, I'm obviously not working in this
shop. I'm going to join my fellow

students.

All right, this one. This has gone far
enough. You better get out there before

the things get out of hand. Yes, come
along, Father.

The Chancellor's statement came in
response to statements made by the

Chancellor at a meeting for delegates
last night.

What? Got any batteries for the camera?

No. Why do you need a camera?

To take pictures of Sean when he gets
back from the police station.

You know, to use as evidence.

Oh, sit down and shut up. You're trying
to watch the news.

What's that?

Schultz has been arrested and all you
care about is the television.

Oh, he'll be all right.

Michael's gone to get him.

There's nothing we can do anyway.

Shut up!

Oh, my God!

Let me take interest.

What happened?

Did I show you all right?

And where's Bernie? Is he still locked
up?

Gloria, everything's fine. Will you stop
being so dramatic?

We dropped Bernie off at the home.

And Matthew, what happened to you?

I have never seen any... It is so
disgraceful.

Do the police in this country have no
respect for education?

I was handled like a common criminal.

I told them, don't you know I studied
law?

There, Matthew, it's all right now.

Nice one, Sean.

We have a little revolutionary brother.

Gloria, if you want to be the dead
sister of a revolutionary, carry on.

How do I respect what you did, Sean?

They should have gone about it in the
correct way. You need police permission

hold a demonstration.

Imagine what could have happened.

A barbershop in Peckham was today
besieged by protesters gathered in

against the growing trend for slack
ragamuffin music.

The angry mob besieged the shop when
Spiderank, Britain's leading exponent of

the music form, which has been widely
criticised for its offensive lyrics, was

seen entering the premises.

Police were called to disperse the crowd
and several arrests were made.

Simon

Greenhill

spoke to the owner of the shop, Mr
Desmond Ambrose. What exactly happened

this afternoon, Mr Ambrose?

Well, I was very busy inside the shop
giving the best haircuts in Peckham.

Will you be pressing charges?

Well, no, I sympathize with the students
being a former musician myself. You

know the John Stone dreamers?

No, getting back to the point.

Yes, well, we're very much against all
this slackness, but as a businessman, I

can't not cut people's hair because of
their morality. I mean, I'm a barber,

a politician. Even if John Taylor was to
come through, I'd try and do something

with it.

I would have been out here demonstrating
myself.

Hello,

Desmond's Barbershop.

I'm a very close at the moment.

I would book an appointment if I were
you.

Is that in your publicity that I could
have imagined possible?

Of course, you know, I planned the whole
thing myself.

That's beginning to sound like Michael.

It's called intelligence, Gloria. It's
called greed, Michael.

Desmond's Barbershop, Beckham.

You're held in a queue and will be
answered shortly.

Father, what are you doing? We need all
the customers we can get.

So you're thinking all about business,
eh? This is called marketing hype

exclusivity.

You mean you don't want to be rushed off
your feet, is that it?

Exactly. Well, don't forget what trouble
marketing hype got Spider into with his

dirty lyrics.

Exactly, fame and fortune.

Popeye! Maybe we can revive the
Georgetown dreamers in a hint of

You're not serious.

I can see it now.

Desirant.

It's a good thing Matthew is at College
Poker. There wouldn't be room for him

this morning.

Come on.

Television speech was so good that you
even convinced a rasta man to cut his

dreadlocks.

Oh, man, it's me, Spider.

What's that on your head, Spider?

Is that a wig or a weave?

I know, it's a true rasta now.

Sean, what happened last night, man? You
all right? I'm all right, I'm all

right. What's all this, man?

Man, my record company's talking about
dropping me because of all this trouble.

All this flatness business ain't worth
it, man. My friends are turning against

me. Well, we're not turning against you
personally, Spider.

No, man. I know what it is.

And I thought, why do I want to be
Britain's answer to Shabba or Buju?

I'm not ugly.

And anyhow, I and I is a conscious
brethren now.

I want to be Britain's answer to Bob
Marley.

Pure consciousness, my Nubian queen.

Spider, I'm so proud of you.

I know it was just a bad phase you were
going through. Yeah, well, Bernie would

be really happy.

Well, I'm not. Just look how busy this
shop is.

I ain't even finished my morning because
someone is in the early afternoon

already.

Mister, face front or go and get your
hair cut elsewhere.

Just think, all that fame and fortune
and all those women, and you're going to

give it up.

That's brilliant.

Give up what?

Check this.

The whole world knows Bob Marley. He
hasn't made a record in 10 years and

still in the charts.

And think of all the girlies.

I'm going for the big time.