Original subtitles

From the Longmont Mountains, an ocean breeze to the Duff and to the rail of

London City.

We come from the sun to live in Nicola in this middle of my, what, my coconut

tree.

Don't touch my sugar.

Do the party's over.

Let's get to the music street and wind up the way to see. Don't touch my sugar.

Yes? Change, please.

Change? What change?

Tempeh change.

Tempeh?

Right.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

One, two.

How about you call me?

You can't always expect a tick, Des. It's a bit presumptuous.

Presumptuous? You learning big words now, Tony?

Wicked cut, Tom.

You're the man. Eh, no, no, you're the man. No, no, no, you're the man. No, I'm

telling you, man, you're the man. No, you're the man.

Cheers, man. Good change, my man.

Look, don't start that stupidness again. Always get over it.

You call that a haircut? It look like the mop of Peckham to me.

What? I think it's about time you started treating me with a bit more

please. I beg your pardon?

But it's just that sometimes, Desmond, you talk to me like I'm still at school,

like I'm a boy.

That's because you are a boy.

No, I'm not.

Look, as long as I'm 30 years older than you, you're a boy to me.

As a graduate in business management.

May I say, it really doesn't pay to be rude to your staff.

And I don't pay you to sit here, so mind your own business.

If I were you, Matthew, I wouldn't let him talk to me like that.

Don't you at least try to be a bit more polite?

More polite? Not when I'm surrounded by nosy parkers like you who can't keep

their fingers crossed.

I'm only trying to contribute to a bit more peaceful atmosphere.

You hear me asking for any contributions?

Didn't your parents teach you manners?

Back home in the Gambia, my father would take his shoe and conk me on my

forehead for a necessary reason.

What? You're going to conk me?

Yes, if you don't encourage your growth as an adult, yes.

It's all right, Matthew.

It's all right. This is between Desmond and me, right?

For the moment, you have escaped the conk.

I think that you should stop treating me like that. Look, you work here and you

do as you're told, and if I want to treat you as a boy, you have to accept

But the man is a grown man.

Where are you going to hold me?

Look, Desmond, I've been here four years now, and I trained for two years before

that. Everyone in this shop treats me well, except you.

And I think that basically, you don't appreciate me, and I think it's about

things change.

Tony, are you drunk?

Do I look drunk?

I think you should listen to the man.

He has a point. What point is that?

It's time for change, Detman.

Change? Oh, you want change? There you go.

One, two.

Tony, if this is your idea of asking for a raise, the answer in one word is no.

No. No.

I'm leaving. Come here, Tony.

Right.

What's the problem?

Tony merely tried to explain the frustrations of working for a despotic

dictator.

Pages his big mouth before operating his brain.

Desmond. Yes, my dear?

I will not have you patronizing a much -loved, committed, hard

-working, loyal member of staff.

Apologize. I am so sorry.

Listen, I know what you are like when I'm not here, you know. I just got to

leave the shop for five minutes and you're wobbling like a yard full of

while I'm away.

I want you all to try pulling together. Keep this shop running smoothly.

We cannot afford to be rude to each other.

Is that clear, Desmond? Oh, yes, sir.

Right, that'll be Lee now. Okay, you've got the number of the college. You know

where to find me.

What is it you're going to do again?

I got a lecture about hair care.

Hair care.

Desmond could do with a lecture in people care.

I want to rush you, right? But I've got the hood down and there's this pigeon

circling. Okay.

Bye, everyone.

Yeah. Enjoy your weekend, Shirley. Thank you.

Stupid pigeon.

Right.

Right what?

Well, I think the four years' loyal service deserves to be rewarded,

Okay, okay. How much? Oh, I don't want your money. No?

No. Oh, good.

I've been to the times like this.

There should be a proper hierarchy of responsibility in the shop.

You're what? I mean, as Shirley's away, in the event of anything happening to

you, not that anything will happen to you, but just in case it does, I think I

should be made assistant manager.

Assistant manager?

Are you crazy?

No, I'm not. I'm absolutely serious.

And if you can't agree to that, I'm leaving.

Go dear, Tony.

I need an urgent cut.

Right, mate, sit down. Des will be down in a sec.

I don't know, old folky.

Are you all right, Des?

Yes, I'm fine.

What kind of haircut do you like, young man?

Deluxe, super deluxe, or dreadlocks?

Desmond. What is it?

Well, you see, he's not actually... Well, spit it out.

Well, he's not actually waiting for you. He's waiting for me. For you? Look,

boy, this is my chair. Get out.

Sit down, sit down. I can cut his hair as I finish off here, Desmond. What is

this? This is my chair. I've always had this chair.

I bought it 20 years ago from my cousin, Herbert Washington Wilson.

You know, Louis Satsmo Armstrong had a haircut in that chair.

I remember it well.

It was summer.

He walked in the shop. He looked straight in my eye and he said to me,

What a wonderful world we live in.

A nightly story. I don't remember that.

You don't remember anything?

Afternoon, everyone.

Anyway, this is my chair. Only customers of Dead Zone and Ambrose are supposed

to sit in it. Oh, I'm sorry, Desmond, but as assistant manager... Um, since

when? I heard you got promoted.

Does this involve more money?

No, actually... Oh, fine.

assistant manager, it is my duty to advise you that you're not being very

practical here. You very rarely have customs at this time of day, and if we

my client to go elsewhere, we will lose money. And besides which, your cold's a

bit of a health hazard.

Are you trying to take over my shop? Um, I think he has a point, father. And

where are the books?

Look, man, you're turning my own son against me. Look, I'm not turning

you, father. All I'm saying is your assistant manager seems to be on the

track. Yes.

Tony is applying his economic intuition to a situation where a high rate of

profit has been figured to and realized.

In short, Tony has identified the means of earning a high trailer load of money.

All right, all right. You want to use my chair?

Go ahead.

All right, then, man.

I don't think it's very funny, Desmond.

Well, surely you can take a joke, Tony.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. These chairs should be

agree. And I agree, too. I'll duck it from your wedges.

Look, Desmond, I think that in Shirley's absence you should consider the opinion

of your assistant manager and your fellow partner, and if they are in

you should abide by their decision.

Look, man, this is my place and I'm doing it as I please.

But you're sick, Desmond.

Sick, I'm...

Maybe you ought to take a rest for a while. Your disease may be communicable.

Hey, Desmond, I don't want your germs. Look, this is my shop, and in my shop I

can set my feet to work or not, and I feel fine.

But, Father, you have to consider the welfare of the shop. If you contaminate

everyone, there won't be a Desmond's.

There's an old African saying.

For centuries, it spread diseases.

That's not African.

Popeye, everything is African.

Oh, Desmond, it's not that we don't want you.

We're just all thinking of your well -being. Look, we want you fit and strong

you can run the shop efficiently.

Well, maybe you're right.

A rest might do me good.

But, um, just for a few days.

How about six months?

What? Nothing, nothing.

first -hand obliquely because I wouldn't be seen dead wearing one. The dead

would know about this. Ah, it's a surprise.

Why, if I had two of those in my flat, I could cut down my electricity bill.

It's not the electric ambience. It's all part of my plan.

What plan?

Don't worry, nothing drastic.

I hear death men have a communicability disease.

It's not a cold, Beth.

That's what you may think. It may look like a cold, but it could be swine

Oh, for goodness sake, Beth.

Mark, you may.

He have a chesty cough.

Yeah. Block nose.

Yeah. Dreaming eye.

Yeah.

Swine fever.

How did you come to that conclusion, babe? I heard it on the radio.

Hundreds came down with what they thought was a common cold. But after

hospital, they did some tests and they all had swine fever.

Do you think I should call the doctor?

Oh, wait a minute, Lee. Beverly, when was this?

1965.

No. Quite recently, there was a case of someone who thought he had a cold, but

it later turned out to be a particularly fatal strain of influenza.

You mean flu can kill you?

Apparently. It's highly contagious, and as far as I know, that man is near

death. Not that I want to alarm you.

Has it spread?

Well, the carrier only has to sneeze, and any individual within 100 yards is

risk.

everybody. Just come to collect the books.

Since when have you been interested in the accounts?

Since you've become interested in fashion design.

Ah!

Trippy, off my car's gone. They were running for their lives.

Look, Beverly, Desmond hasn't got influenza or swine fever.

She's just overreacting, isn't she, Matthew?

Look, you're all being over the top, right? Dez has got a mild dose of a

cold, OK?

You have lost all your customers, haven't you? I'm not surprised, wearing

stupid shirts.

How's it going?

Fine, just fine. We're expecting more people later.

Is that so?

And how... how...

And your free Desmond T -shirt. Thanks a lot. All right, bye.

Here goes home. Last two boxes, mate.

Cheers, Lee. Oh, absolutely cream cracker. Come on.

Oh, pork pie.

Can't you eat your lunch at home? Nope.

That's for new customers.

Yeah, some of them can't take a hint.

Yeah, it's great, isn't it? Full house.

You sure you're not overdoing it?

No, of course not. It's just what Desmond needs.

Are these new customers?

What about them?

They're in our seats.

Well, they're not exactly your seats. Now, are they, pork pie? I know they're

not my seats, but we sit in them.

That's true, Tony. We do.

The seats are for paying customers. Are you having a cut?

No, but... Tony, I have work to do.

You try going down the library, Matt.

Oh, look, Tony, we just want our seats back, mate. Are you having a cut, then,

Lee? No, not today, but we're regulars. We've got rights.

Rights over what?

Red Star seats, they belong to us. I'm sorry, sir, but as assistant manager,

I've had to come to a decision about this, and as far as I'm concerned,

customers come first. We need all the new clients we can get. What about

mate? Yes, I've been coming here for years.

And I've been coming here since before you were born.

Look, pot pie, this isn't personal, it's business. If you're not having a cut,

you're not entitled to a seat, OK?

Tony? I feel both insulted and degraded by your statement.

And if you attempt to eject me from the shop, I shall begin a sit -in protest in

the tradition of Martin Luther King and Mahatma Gandhi. Steady on, Matthew.

Steady on.

This is a non -violent protest.

What seems to be the problem? I'm just trying to make everyone understand,

Michael, that I want to run this shop professionally.

That sounds excellent to me, Tony. Well, if that's how you feel, you won't have

to ask us to leave. We shall walk out with our dignity intact.

Yeah, we know when we're not wanted.

Come on, Matthew.

Come on, Matthew.

Hello? Hello, Desmond.

You feeling any better?

No. Surely when you coming home?

Your call getting you down.

No, it's not a call, it's Beverly.

Since six o 'clock this morning, she's been in the kitchen. I don't know what

she's doing. All I can smell is bush tea and camphorated ice.

Oh, that's nice.

So she's looking after you then?

No, she's not looking after me.

She's trying to kill me.

Thank you, Shirley.

Don't worry.

Shirley, is that you? I'll have Desmond up and running in no time.

Running? Running where?

She's trying to catch me.

Shirley? Just leave Desmond Ambrose to me.

These remedies were passed down to me by my grandmother's mother.

But she's dead and I'm alive.

The day she died, she looked better than you.

Don't ever try and question me, Desmond Ambrose. You're in my care now.

Now,

take off your pyjama top.

It's time for me to rub your door.

But stop.

Despite you fighting me.

His back is turned.

Result. Just get this blasted woman off of me. I promise, Charlie, to look after

you. I mean, I don't want any rubdowns. No. What you need is a good washout. You

want some Cersei tea, fever grass, Kananga water.

Desmond, you have to come back.

No, I'm not coming back to a place where I know I ain't wanted.

Oh, come on. There's a shop needs you.

Just the other day, you were saying I was too sick to walk. I look well to

Coriola.

It's just a cold, Desmond. Last week it was swine fever.

Oh, you know what bed's like, Des.

I've got an announcement to make.

Since I've been upstairs, I've been thinking.

The shop's been going a long time, and I think it's time I had a rest.

I mean, this illness has shown me there's more to life than Desmond's.

Desmond, what are you saying?

I'm saying that I'm thinking of returning back home.

No, Desmond, you can't.

Now, my mind's made up. As far as I'm concerned, you could call the shop

But that would be the end of an era.

Well, so be it. I mean, even Shirley has said that someday the shutters will

have to come down.

But Desmond, what am I going to do without you?

Well, it just goes on, my friend.

Des, we need you.

Pickham needs you.

England needs you.

No.

I've made up my mind.

Oh. The shop is going to close. The gentleman is dying. Your parents are

back home, and it's all your fault.

What are you talking about?

Look, there's his lady, mate.

How come? We'll never be the same.

Look, I'm sure father's just a bit overwrought. He'll come to his senses as

as mother gets back. But Tony is depriving us of our heritage.

Tony is thinking like a businessman. It should be commended.

Yeah, listen, guys, I'm all alone today and it's... I forgot about this, Peter.

You all right, then?

Michael.

Hello, Tony.

What brings you here so early?

A client cancelled, so I thought I'd come over and see how things are going.

Right.

Tony,

where's the book?

Yeah, I was meaning to tell you about that. A mate of mine's got them.

Don't worry, he's a qualified accountant.

Attorney, what's your mate doing with the books?

Well, you see, I was thinking that having a partner that's also the company

accountant represents a possible conflict of interest, so I decided that

should be done by an outside independent company.

Oh, would it?

So why are you turning mine now?

think Tony could do with some help?

I didn't think so before.

We only suggested you take a rest, Father.

You could afford me.

Look, I know you've made your mind up, but there's really no need to retire.

Let's face it, Desmond's could never be Desmond's without Desmond.

The shop needs you, Father.

You think so?

I know so.

You want the back?

Yes, we all do.

On one condition.

Anything.

Say please.

Pretty please.

Pretty please.

Pretty please, daddy.

I don't call you daddy anymore.

Pretty please, daddy.

Satisfied? Yes.

Oh, there's one more thing.

What?

Remember that time when you were running around the dressing table and you said

it fell down of its own accord?

I was eight years old.

Did it fall or was it pushed?

I pushed it. I pushed it, okay?

Say sorry.

Look, this is ridiculous.

I'm sorry about the dressing table, all right?

All right?

Does this mean that you're coming back?

Well, I'll have to think about it. Oh, for crying out loud, Father. I'm sorry,

mean Daddy.

Of course I'm coming back. It's my shop business, you stupid boy.

So, Shirley, how was the lecturing? I hope your students were all as dedicated

as me. I hope all your students weren't as old as him.

The students were great. The course was very well organized.

My hotel was fabulous.

I even had my own jacuzzi.

But it wasn't home.

Ah, well, home wasn't home without you.

Right,

so I see the shop got on well without me. Oh, by the way, Tony.

Congratulations on your promotion.

Lee has told me everything.

Yeah, everything went well. Despite Des being ill upstairs, we all pulled

together. In opposite directions.

This set was really busy. We were rammed. Yeah, standing room only.

We didn't mind standing.

So, Tony, you were in charge.

Yeah.

And you all supported Tony. Yes, yes, yes.

And you all...

Tony Desmond. Thank you, Tony.

Shirley!

Shirley! I saw you in Lee's car, but I couldn't quite keep up.

Tell her I am sick. I'm well.

I'm cured.

You see, I haven't lost the touch.

Oh, Beverly, I can't thank you enough for looking after Desmond. He tried to

resist the healing powers, but he finally succumbed.

You know,

the college was telling me about this new killer strain of influenza.

Apparently the symptoms are similar to the common cold.

Really?

You know what you need, Tony?

A good watch, oh God!