Original subtitles

From the long hot lake to the ocean breeze, to the dump and to the rail of

London 15.

We'll come from the sun to live in the coal, I miss Miranda, want my coconut

free.

Don't touch my sofa.

Do the party's over.

Let's keep the music sweet, wind up your waist and feel the air.

There you are, Thomas. Four tickets.

See you at the show.

Look at these lucky people, Ronnie.

They're going to be the first ones to taste our new creation.

Gloria wants guinea pigs to try out her food that's only fit for guinea pigs.

It's just vegetarian.

Has it got any meat in it?

No, but it's free.

Since you've been going to this health food shop, you've become obsessed.

There's one. You should be encouraging your daughter.

What's this?

Oh, Popeye pasty. Yes, one bite and your eyes pop out.

No, Mr Ambrose, it's because it's made of spinach and olive oil. I thought of

that. You said it's free?

Absolutely. What's that yellow one there then, Glo?

Oh, that's blind lemon sorbet.

What, you have to eat it with your eyes shut?

This is very inventive, girls.

This is very tasty, but I think it still needs a little something.

Yes, a side order of fried chicken and two dumplings.

Your father's idea of a balanced diet is balancing a plate of rice and peas on

his knee in front of the TV.

Mother Nature, just give me Mother Ambrose's cooking.

This is pretty good, Des. You should try some.

Yes, you should try cutting hair, Tony.

Oh, come on, Dad. Try something.

All right. What is it?

I ain't got a name for that one yet.

Well, what's in it?

Lady's fingers.

Oh, but an okra went free.

Or a Henry Jones.

Who's that?

Oh, a character from one of our favorite songs.

Save the bones for Henry Jones, cause Henry don't eat no meat.

So you see, Gloria, there's nothing new under the sun.

Hey.

Mom. Yeah.

Do you think Matthew would let me and Ronnie do the catering for the concert?

Well, you'll have to ask him that yourself.

Yes, Matthew Lloyd Webber now.

You can ask him yourself.

Matthew, how's the plans for the concert going?

Disastrous. You mean it won't be all right on the night?

I've got two days to go, and I still haven't got the top of the bill.

I think I'll just give up.

You never hear that on Challenge, Annika.

I thought you had a top act from a West End show.

So did I.

But it turned out that the five guys named Moe was actually one guy named

A juggling act.

Was he from the West End?

No. Crouch End.

What did he juggle?

Teddy bears.

No, it's not funny.

This is for a very serious cause.

Oh, never mind, Matthew.

Have a slice of my jasper carrot.

Morning, all.

Hey,

Flo. My mate down at the market, he said he'll take some more of them biscuits.

Which ones was it? Was it the Bobby Brownies or the Linford Krispies?

I'll let you know what.

Look, Matthew's concert plans are not going as well as expected.

Oh, well, the tickets are, Matt. They're going as hot as glorious cakes.

Mind you, I think it's thanks to Peckham's own Bosman.

Bosman? Yeah, B -O -S.

Bums on seats.

Come back in a minute.

Oh, what can I do?

I still haven't got a top of the bill.

And where to?

I went to see Michael in the bank to see if the bank might help with some of the

running costs.

But instead, he hired me to ransom.

What?

He would only make a contribution on the condition that he be allowed to

perform.

What's he going to do, play the calculator?

No, that would be more amusing.

He wants to recite poetry.

The Golden Reach.

A young and foolish lad am I.

I go where fancy leads me.

I stand and watch the golden wheat. Another does the reaping.

He did that at his school concert.

Yeah, he died a death then, too.

I now have the added embarrassment of having Michael pretending to be Dylan

Thomas. But what can I do? I need the bank's sponsorship.

Oh, sir, where have you been? You're late. You're never late.

Listen, there's no time to lose.

Mr. McCree got a call at the crack of dawn from Colin Carter, the big cheese

HQ, telling him to get over there, PVQ.

And he was no sooner gone than Philip Parkinson was someone to get over there,

too sweet.

He wasn't seven seconds out of the door when there was a second call telling you

to get over to HQ, too. You should have left 20 minutes ago, sir.

I think there's something to do about something to do with the bank.

I don't like it, sir.

I think someone's for the high jump.

It's too late, Mandy.

I got a call at home and I went straight there.

Oh, Sam, what happened?

Wasn't anything serious?

Yes, Mandy, it was.

Very serious.

About as serious as it could be, really.

You know, Mandy, I'm going to miss this little office.

You mean... Well, I suppose with the cutbacks it was inevitable.

I just didn't think it would be so soon.

Still, can't hold back the tide of progress, eh, Mandy?

You've got to be a pretty strong swimmer if you're not going to get swept away

by the corporate current.

Oh, sir, I'm so sorry.

Oh, those ungrateful swines.

You worked your fingers to the bone, day in, day out, for years, and then

suddenly, one day, it's thanks a lot, so long, sucker, adieu, au revoir, and

good night, Vienna, to one of the most promising careers.

Well, I would say... Don't put yourself down, sir. This is no time for modesty.

You're one of the best, sir.

You've got the right stuff.

That's very kind of you, Mandy, but... Would you like me to clear your desk,

sir?

No point in putting it off.

You're so brave.

I just know that when life bowls you a googly like this, you're going to knock

it for six.

I just came to gloat, Pamela.

Hardly.

I just wanted to congratulate Mr Ambrose on his promotion to manager.

Said to say goodbye. No hard feelings. He's already left the building.

Promotion? Manager?

Oh, yes.

McCree brought his early retirement forward and head office asked him to

recommend his successor.

And he chose me!

He was furious. Resigned on the spot. He's taken voluntary redundancy.

Swept away by the corporate currents. Life bowled old Philip a panther.

And he wasn't wearing a box.

Oh!

So,

you can move my stuff into McQueen's office now. I want to be in for the

reporter and the photographer coming in from the PR department.

They're doing a press release on me.

And you let me rant on about how wonderful you are. Well, you wouldn't

be a PA to a branch manager who didn't worship and adorn her, would you? PA to

branch manager?

Why?

Why?

I'd be... Honoured, Michael.

You only have to look on the streets for all the talent you need, Matthew, as it

says on this bill here, Peckham Entertainment.

Yeah, this one's right.

You're top of the bill with the turn -up soon. How vague.

I hope so, Cheryl. I've just shifted another 20 tickets.

Look, people are expecting the best that Peckham has to offer, right? You can't

let them down.

As if I needed reminding.

I know.

What about if I boggled?

Bogle, Bogle, I don't know.

Thank you.

Thank you very much indeed.

The mind bogles.

What about this, Matthew? We had them screaming out for more at primary

didn't we, Claude? Yeah, well, they were screaming out for something. Yeah,

blood.

Yeah, well, that should get the audience racing for the fire exit.

Sorry, girls.

I knew he wouldn't like you. Thank you, thank you. I think it's time that the

professionals stepped in. You know, Matthew should be used to relaunch the

glittering career of Guyana's favourite combo, the Georgetown Dreamherd.

Oh, no, no.

OK, OK, give me one reason why not.

Half of you are dead.

Yes, but give me one reason.

Yes, surely.

Why don't you do a little turn?

Oh, no, no, no. We always look to Desmond to give the performances in this

family.

No, no, I'm more of a backstage girl.

Well, this is all well and good, but you're no nearer to solving my problem.

What I need is a class act.

All right, Matt.

Look no further, mate.

I've hid my talent behind his parish scissors for far too long now.

There is no classier act than the Bard of Avon.

Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?

Deny thy father, refuse thy name.

Uh, isn't that Juliet?

Are you trying to tell us something, Tony?

No, no, no, I was in an all -boys drama class, wasn't I?

I always used to get the girls' parts because of my looks in it.

and save your bacon, Matthew.

I'm approaching a storm.

You said you needed a top of the bill? Well, you're looking at Mr. Saturday

Night.

More like Mr.

Monday Morning.

You remember when I sang Island in the Sun at your father's church barbecue in

1956? I stopped the show.

Yes, but it wasn't going very fast.

Papa, I was hoping for something young and fresh.

Good, good. I got a song here all about Conservation and recycling in South

London.

An environmental message.

I'm out.

Who would have thought it?

McCree gone.

Philip Parkinson resigned.

Michael Ambrose manager.

It'll take a big man to fill McCree's shoes.

Michael takes a size 11.

I wasn't familiar with Mr Parkinson's shoe size, but then we always kept our

relationship strictly professional.

We never shared any intimate moan.

The only thing we share is a desire to get on, a passion to succeed.

Passion and desire.

Quite.

Well, he's certainly got on.

Two steps of the ladder in a single bound. He'll be leaping tall buildings

Strange. I can't recall anyone else being promoted so rapidly.

Oh, I suppose a positive discrimination policy is a good thing in its place,

but, well, I never thought a place would be here.

of discrimination.

Are you suggesting Michael was promoted because he's black? Oh, well, there's

nothing wrong with giving people like Michael a little help up the ladder.

Michael was promoted fair and square, and if you think for one minute... Oh,

doesn't matter what I think. I'm being transferred up west.

The rest of the staff will take a little more convincing.

Oh,

congratulations, Mr.

Andrews. Oh, and good luck in your new position. We're all thrilled.

Well, Michael, are your hands becoming accustomed to the reins of power?

Is what that woman said true, Mandy?

Does everyone think I've got this job because I'm black?

Of course not. The best man won. It's as simple as that. Have you ever heard of

anybody being promoted two levels at once?

Well, no. Exactly.

Well, if head office thinks I'm going to be their token black at the top,

they've got another thing coming.

Press releases, indeed. I can't believe I fell for it.

Let me tell you something, Mandy. Michael Ambrose will make it to the top

his own steam. Sir, at the moment...

coming out of your ears. Please calm down.

I'm taking the rest of the day off to think this over, Mandy.

And the first letter you type for me as manager will probably be my resignation.

Well, thank you all for your offers of help. I feel a lot better now.

Now, you all know what you've got to do.

Gloria, backstage catering and costumes.

Ronnie, make -up. Lee, tickets and security.

Tony, artiste, personal grooming.

Shirley, Tea and sympathy.

Desmond and Porkpie, I don't know where you're going to find this fabulous act,

but I'm relying on you. Trust me, Matthew, but these are seasoned

It's going to take some delicate negotiations.

Yeah, man.

We'll speak to them personally.

Pro to pro, so to speak.

Right, Matthew. We've got a lot of things to do before the show tonight.

Come on. You won't be disappointed.

See you later. Later.

Save the bones for Henry Jones, because Henry don't eat no meat.

Well,

well, well.

If it isn't the fruit of my loins, the lovely fruit.

What brings you along this way?

Is there some small business you're going to foreclose on?

Don't tell me. You're going to inform the children's home that you've

their overdraft facility.

Where is everyone?

Oh, they saw you coming and they made a break for it.

They all help it out with Matthew's show.

Oh, yes, Mother told me.

I'm supposed to be introducing her top of the bill.

Oh, you're not doing the golden wheat?

No, Matthew said it was too highbrow. Look, actually, I came here to see

Why don't you talk to me?

I mean, although you sometimes choose to ignore the fact I am your father,

what's the matter?

The bank no fun anymore? Don't talk to me about that place.

Boy, in the absence of your mother, I'm the nearest you're going to get to a

shoulder to cry on.

Talk to me, son.

Look, you'd only find it funny, father.

The very thing you said would always happen. The poor boy from Peckham

the pawn of the very people he wanted so much to be like.

Cynically manipulated by the corporate bigwigs. What are you talking about,

Speak English. That's just it, me not English.

As some people have been very quick to remind me.

No matter how hard you try, you're just not playing by the same rules.

Oh, Lord, this is serious.

Well, if you're going to settle this properly, you better do it guy in his

style.

Come and sit down in this chair.

The chair.

Don't worry, I ain't going to cut you here.

My son, a barber's chair is a cross between a psychiatrist's couch, And a

concession.

Right.

Where shall we begin?

Well...

Hey,

Matt, how much do you pay for this place?

I'm sure I could have got it for cheaper.

So all it's taken to make you feel this is a put -up job is some stupid woman

opening her big mouth.

Well, no one else has been promoted to two levels at once.

Plus the staff at the branch were all looking at me strangely.

People have been doing that for years.

It's just that you haven't noticed it before.

Michael, since you've been 12 years old, you've been telling us you wanted to be

a bank manager.

Not a world -class cricketer, not an astronaut, not even a pop star, but a

manager. manager.

And now that you've achieved your ambition, you think it's a conspiracy.

Well, so what if it was?

You've got the ball.

You've got to give it your best shot.

You've got to make sure that the black youngsters coming after you are playing

on a level pitch.

I mean, I know life ain't fair. Even cricket ain't cricket anymore, but

got to keep trying.

This is an opportunity.

So what if you've been promoted two levels at once? It just means that

twice as good.

Before you know it, you're going to be captain. I mean, chairman.

Well, I suppose you could look at it that way. I do.

You think they're going to put you in charge of all that money as some kind of

publicity stunt?

Well, I suppose not. I know not.

You see, your trouble is that you've been thrown off balance because of your

success.

A lot of people are looking at you, Michael Ambrose, to get that job done.

But what you've got to ask yourself is, am I the man the staff are going to come

to for leadership and inspiration?

I might demand the customers will come to put sound financial advice.

The man that will guide small businesses through those early difficult years.

Yeah, man.

Help young and newlyweds arrange a mortgage for their first dream home.

man. Give savers young and old the help they need with their investments.

Yeah, man.

Yes. Yes, Father.

I am that man.

You know, Father, perhaps I should get one of these to my new office.

It's not the chair, my son.

It's the man behind it.

You look wonderful, Michael.

I know.

You look ravishing yourself, Mandy.

Thank you.

You haven't seen the other half of this act, have you?

It's personal grooming, I ask you.

Would you like me to powder your nose, Michael? No, thank you, Ronnie. Oh, go

on, Michael. You haven't done yet. He's done.

Oh, you better look out. Matthew's coming.

Only minutes to go, and Desmond still hasn't arrived with the top of the bill.

Don't worry, it's going brilliant. Yes, it is, Matthew.

Oh, God, and trouble with the ticket tax. How's it all going?

There is no top of the bill for Michael to introduce. Don't worry. Father says

he's handling it. He's handling it. Still no Desmond.

I'll have to go and apologise to the audience.

Look, looks like you're on, mate.

Break your neck, Michael.

Leg, man, leg.

Thank you all for coming along tonight and supporting this very worthwhile

cause. Now, as manager of one of our principal high street banks, I have

pleasure in donating this cheque on behalf of the bank for £500.

It only remains for me to introduce the last act for tonight.

Who is he going to introduce?

Three of Tekken's finest, who have been brought to you at little or no expense.

The friends of Henry Jones!

We're

gonna have

a supper.

We need some food that's rare.

the table. Well, please, Brother Henry's chair.

Invite all the local big dogs. We laugh and talk and eat.

And we save the bones for Henry Jones, because Henry don't eat no meat.

Today I go to market, buy up a whole lot of fish. Well, that

will thrill Brother Henry.

Caught fish is a special day.

He really takes a nip. He don't eat the napkin.

Cause the things he eat don't drip.

One day we had a banquet.

It really was a bake. He started off with sharp ribs and

finished up with steak.

But when the feast was over, my brother Henry just kept his feet.

All right, look here.

I mean, sir, the gold to Henry Jones, cause Henry don't eat no meat.

He's an egg man.

Henry don't eat no meat. He loves the pudding.