Original subtitles

From the long, hot night to the ocean breeze, to the damp and to the rain of

London City.

We come from the tunnel to live in the call line. It's nearer my watch, my

coconut tree.

Don't touch my soccer.

The party's over.

Let's keep the music sweet. Wind up your weight and feel the energy. Don't touch

my soccer.

No. No, no, no.

No, no.

No, no, no.

No.

Desmond.

Desmond, you all right? No, no, leave me.

No.

Desmond. No.

Desmond, wake up. It's only a dream.

Desmond. What is it?

Ah!

A bad dream?

Yes. Who is it about? Michael.

He was getting married.

And as we went up the aisle to take our seats, Michael turned around and he

winked at me.

That was a bad dream? Yes, but I was only part of it.

Then the bride turned around and she was Michael.

Then the picker turned around and he was Michael. Then the whole congregation

turned around and they were all Michael.

Then you woke me up and you were Michael too.

you doing up so early?

What's with the tea?

What did you get in last night? Oh, don't tell me you haven't been to bed

Ah, you didn't go out last night, Desmond.

So what did you need of?

Nothing. Look, if sir doesn't want the room service, I can always take it back,

you know. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Hmm, you just couldn't sleep well, so I thought I'd bring you early morning tea.

It doesn't have to be Father's Day, you know.

Isn't our daughter wonderful? Isn't she lovely, Shirley?

It's too early for the smosh, Dad.

Do you know why she's so beautiful, Shirley?

Because I look like Mum.

No, because you don't look like Michael.

Every single member of this family dislikes Michael. Well, maybe it's

Michael dislikes every single member of this family.

You know why you're dreaming about him?

It's anxiety.

It's funny.

We've always been worried about Michael, even now.

Why can't we never feel about me and Sean in the same way? Oh, but we have.

No, but Michael is different.

No, he's not. He's just different.

Why? Well, he's nearly 30.

No steady girlfriend, no promotion. No grandchildren.

Daddy's no good at that sort of thing.

You don't think he's gay, do you?

He'd be no good at that either, would he?

Could have happened to Patricia.

Oh, you mean the doctor?

Yeah, she was nice.

Oh, she was beautiful.

She was intelligent.

Yeah, she dumped him.

Sorry, I'm late, darling.

Cardiac onwards.

But, uh, you'll survive.

Which is more than I can say for our relationship.

What?

Look, we've been seeing each other for three months, during which we've been

three times. We've been to bed twice.

The first time we both fell asleep, the second time your people went to bed.

Well, so did yours.

Honey, listen, I think the lesson to be learned the next time is that... There

won't be a next time.

Well, let's talk about it, shall we?

Don't patronise me. Patricia, I'm not. I'm not.

But look, we're doctors, we work long hours, and you knew that coming into

relationship. I know. So what are you saying?

I'm saying, Derek, that I don't want to have a relationship with a doctor

anymore. Fine.

So who do you want to have a rela...

Michael.

Why not?

Well, I thought you said he was a dork.

Yes, I know.

And he's boring.

Yes, I know.

And he couldn't excite a nymphomaniac on a blind date? I didn't say that. Oh,

no, but you implied it.

Well, at least he's steady and reliable and there when I want him. Right, so

this all boils down to sex, does it? No, it doesn't. So what is it, then?

That's what it is. We don't even have time for an argument, let alone a

relationship.

Talk about it later, yes? No, later's going to be too late, Derek.

Michael Amber's office.

Dr Robeson?

Patricia.

No, I'm afraid he's in a board meeting at the moment. Can I take a message?

Just a moment, I'll go get a pen and some paper.

Tell him it's Dr Patricia Robeson here.

She can be assertive sometimes, can't she?

Bossy, sir.

I'll speak to her. Are you sure?

Oh, look, Michael's just walked in.

Would you like a word?

Hello? Hello, Michael.

I'd love to see you.

Would you?

I'm just across the road.

Can we have an early lunch?

Well, I'm just in the middle of... I'll take that as a yes.

I'll see you at 12, at the Italian.

I'm meeting her for lunch.

Keep calm, sir.

Isn't she going out with that extremely handsome doctor called Derek?

Yes, she is.

Yes, you're quite right, Mandy. One must remain calm.

One must remain in control. Yes, one must also remember that she ditched you.

Yes. And one must also remember that you called her a cow, sir.

Did I? Well, if you didn't, sir, you should have.

Yes.

Yes, Brandy, you're right.

Brandy? Yes, sir?

I'm out to lunch.

Really, sir?

I need a horse.

Good afternoon, everyone.

Matthew, good afternoon. Now, what was your lecture today?

It's about love.

Shakespeare wrote, love is not love which alters when its alteration finds

disgust.

Yeah, it keeps you young.

It adds magic to your life. It can get you into serious trouble.

You talking about where your wife gets you with hyacinth green?

No, man.

It's love I'm talking about, not lust.

Oh, poor boy. I didn't know you knew the difference.

Yeah, man.

She was 13.

Her name was Belcy Bradshaw. Her mother used to run the Bradshaw at the bottom

of Titchfield Hill.

I picked her this lovely bunch of flowers and she gave me a kiss right

That doesn't sound like serious trouble to me.

What I didn't tell them is that I picked the flowers from Miss Burgess's garden.

She see me, she beat me. She tell my father he beat me and he tell Bessie's

mother she beat me too.

That is serious trouble.

Surely, surely, surely.

Talking about serious trouble.

Beverly, you're a bit early for your appointment.

You've been talking about me?

Surely I didn't sleep a wink last night. I just dreaming and dreaming.

There was this fish caught in a net, and it had on a black tie.

All dressed for dinner, was it?

Yes, ma 'am.

Don't laugh.

The fish look at me as if to say, Help!

And as I reached out to save it, I fell straight into the water, so I know it

was something to do with Michael.

You arrive at that conclusion.

Now, don't ask.

I had a feeling.

Here we go again.

Shirley, you worried about Michael, aren't you?

Well, yes.

Desmond had this dream. Shirley. You had a dream, too?

Shirley and Desmond Ambrose, something strange is going to happen to your

firstborn. The spirits never lie.

Oh, Lord.

wonderful raga.

Mmm.

Tricia?

I do believe you're embarrassed.

There are people around.

There usually are in restaurants.

Is Michael worried about his image?

Frightened that one of your customers might see us kissing? Of course not.

Well, come over here and sit next to me.

Otherwise, I'll climb over the table and sit next to you.

You wouldn't dare.

There. That's better.

Yes. Much better.

Now? Yes, right now.

In this restaurant. Oh, Patricia.

Oh, Michael.

We have so many things in common.

We like the same music.

Yes, we do.

We enjoy the same food.

Yes. We share the same sense of humour.

Do we?

We have to. You don't have one.

Michael, how long have we known each other?

Um, about two years.

No. Three.

Do you remember our first date?

We ended up having a snowball fight outside my halls of residence.

You got so soaked that you had to drive home wearing one of my white coats.

Well, I always fancied myself as a doctor.

And I always fancied you just as you were.

But you got so staid. You changed. You forgot to let yourself go.

And you were afraid to show how much you really cared for me.

Michael, let's have snowball fights again.

I mean, let's be reckless.

Throw off your suit and run naked with me along the beach.

Yes. Let the sea caress our bodies.

Yes, yes.

Passionate love.

Now, I like the sound of that. Let's get married.

So, in conclusion, we will gladly loan you the sum of £8 ,000 and we'll discuss

your £10 ,000 overdraft.

At your earliest convenience.

Yours sincerely, et cetera, et cetera.

Are you all right, then?

Manny, what do you think about marriage?

Marriage? Well, depends who to, sir.

Well, me, of course.

Sir!

What is a girl supposed to say?

Well, say something, otherwise we'll be here all day.

Yes!

I believe in the romance of marriage, the bonding of one woman and one man,

loyalty. You know I'm loyal, don't you, sir? Miss Mandy, you're very loyal.

Thank you, sir.

Of course, there isn't much you don't know about me since we work so

together. And what one doesn't know, one will have a lifetime to discover.

Discovery is the joy of marriage.

Discovery, loyalty, and bonding. The bonding of two people, both mentally and

physically. That's what I think about marriage, sir.

I'm glad I asked.

And when did you intend to name the day, Michael?

There's no rush. No, no, no. There's all the time in the world.

And having children can wait, too.

Children? Oh! I think you would make a wonderful father.

Strong and authoritative, yet gentle and caring.

And they would be so beautiful.

Yes, they would.

Patricia said exactly the same thing.

Yes.

You're going to marry Patricia?

Well, we've talked about it, but nothing definite has been decided.

Oh, Shirley, you've performed miracles to my hair.

Well, she should have done. It's taken her all day.

Desmond's Coiffures.

If your hair needs quaffing, that desmonds you laughing.

Oh, it's you.

Surely it's for you.

Yeah, who is it?

Don't tell me, it's my godson.

All right, I won't tell you.

Hello?

Michael, I told you. His mind reached right down through the phone and grabbed

me.

Oh, then where did he grab you, Beverly?

Don't encourage your poker.

I think it's Desmond who would like to grab her and throw her out of the show.

Don't tell me you can't make it.

Listen to me, Michael. You just get your backside over here for dinner tonight.

Is nothing so important that you have to cancel your mother?

Oh, Patricia!

He wants to bring Patricia.

Patricia?

Patricia! Patricia!

Stop it, woman!

I have a feeling about Patricia.

Bring Patricia?

What do you think that means?

It means he wants to bring Patricia.

I'll tell you what it means. It means trouble.

It means somebody loves him after all.

I suggested you go home and consult with your spirits, Beverly.

Or perhaps you had a few spirits over the top.

Don't mock Desmond.

But Beverly, you don't think this is fate?

First Desmond dreams about Michael getting married, and then now Michael is

bringing Patricia over to dinner. You don't think there might be... They're

coming to dinner?

Yes, I know, pork pie, but you never can tell.

I'm sorry to disappoint you, but Patricia is not the chosen one.

It is written. Who wrote it?

Back home in Africa, anyone who prophesies doom is regarded as a witch.

I can't help it if the spirits

talk to me. I don't ask them to. It's a gift. It's a gift I would send back.

Mock as you may, Desmond, but there will be no union between the doctor

and my godson.

Now, Mellie, what's this all about?

You don't know?

Ah -ha!

I see the game you're playing.

You do? Yes, it's called Play With Mandy.

Play with her emotions.

You've led me on, haven't you, Michael?

Everything you've ever said to me in this office has always been sexually

loaded. It has? Say to you again.

I've seen the way you undress me with your eyes, the way you stand close to me

when you're dictating.

You've used me like an executive toy.

your hands on me, haven't you? No.

Oh. Ah, but that's part of your game. And the game's up, Michael Ambrose,

because I'm going to sue you for sexual harassment.

What? Look, Mandy, pull yourself together.

Yes, you're right. Why am I behaving like this? Why has an intelligent,

sophisticated woman like myself been reduced to a snivelling little idiot

someone as irrelevant as you?

Listen, Mandy. Shut up! I mean,

this is clichéd stuff.

But... Falls for secretary.

But I haven't fallen. Yes, you have. And the one thing I have no intention of

being is a cliché.

Good evening, Patricia.

Hello, Mandy.

Patricia. Oh, wonderful to see you.

Oh, Michael.

Michael, Mandy's here. Oh, I'm not embarrassed. Doesn't embarrass me at

Please carry on.

Well, I mean, will I pass?

You look wonderful, darling.

I do say love is blind.

Congratulations on your imminent marriage.

Imminent?

Has he been jumping the gun? You mean you're not engaged?

Well, if we're not engaged, we're definitely busy.

Oh, good.

Well, look, better get back to the shop. I've got to do Father's books before

suppertime.

So, see you tomorrow, Mandy? But of course, sir.

Right, well, come on, Michael.

Let's get this dinner over with so we can go home for our own party.

Michael Ambrose office?

Dr Robeson?

No, she's just left with Mr Ambrose.

Well, I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to give away home addresses, but can I see who

called?

Look, as you say it's urgent, they've gone to Desmond's barbershop in Peckham.

You're welcome. Bye -bye.

Derek.

Remember, no mention of the word marriage.

But you've already mentioned it.

You know exactly what I mean.

What I would like... And as for you two, you can stay long enough to say hello,

say goodbye, and go.

Why, she's a good -looking woman that... Patricia, she can examine me any time.

Okay.

She's a doctor of medicine, not archaeology.

Now, Patricia has always found me far more stimulating.

Matthew, that's my future daughter -in -law you're talking about.

Oi, Mommy, don't think she's pregnant to you.

That is exactly the kind of thing I do not want to hear this evening.

All right, Shirley, we'll be on our best behavior.

Dead reach yet?

Beverly, get out.

Don't worry, I only come back for Cotbert's red mullet. I'll leave it in

fridge. And to warn Michael.

Don't start that again.

I can see in the future.

How strange, so can I. You can make predictions?

Oh, yes.

I predict Beverly will leave this shop with a little help from my foot.

Hello,

Patricia.

What a pleasant surprise.

Don't sound so surprised, Mother. You knew she was coming.

Yes, well, it's still nice to see her. May I?

Oh, welcome back, Patricia.

Father, please.

I would like to welcome the future Mrs... Oh, wait!

Sit down and shut up.

Hello, Patricia.

Remember me?

I'm Beverly, Michael's godmother. Yes, well, how could I forget you?

How's the back? Oh, still playing me up. And the arthritis?

Still gnawing at me bones and the indigestion.

Don't mention the gas.

Sometimes I feel so blotted, I feel as if I've gone burst.

We mustn't grumble, must we?

Well, it's never stopped her before.

Aye, Patricia, it's all right. Beverly's not staying long.

Well, it's a pity none of you can stay for dinner.

I can stay.

But, proper, we can also go.

Bye -bye. Oh, yes.

Derek.

Patricia.

Derek. Yes, sir. Michael.

Oh, Desmond.

Gloria,

Popeye, Matthew.

And Beverly.

Now that we've all got to know each other, will somebody tell me who Derek

Patricia, how could you? Derek, please don't create a scene. After all the

things you said about him, how can you go back to this dork, Michael? Dork?

Could we just...

this in an adult manner. What? Listen, I don't want to be adult about this. I'm

too emotional to be objective. Listen, I do not care who hears what I have to

say to you. Derek, can you please just keep your voice down? Excuse me, I think

I've had enough of this. With respect, um, Michael?

Will you butt out?

Dear, I'm an idiot between Patricia and me. It's got absolutely nothing to do

with you. Well, actually, I think it's got a lot to do with me.

God, am I cunt.

never worked between us. I mean, we tried.

It just wasn't to be. No, you tried with Michael, but you got bored.

You never gave our relationship a chance.

Look, I know we've only been out together three times, okay?

But I didn't realize until today just how much I need you.

Look, I don't even know what I'm doing here.

But I had to let you know how much you mean to me.

Come on, let's just try and make time yet

Give

me one more chance

I love you

Well, you know where to find me.

Better still, bleep.

Um... If I were him, I'd like to think he'd give me another chance, too.

I'm sorry, everyone.

Listen, um... If it doesn't work out between the two of you, we know where to

find them.

Or better still, ring them on my bar.

Oh,

my God.

I never thought I'd ever... I say this, I do this, but... Well, you're all

right. Well, he's more than that.

He's an Ambrose.