Original subtitles

From the long, hot night with an ocean breeze to the damp and to the rain of

London City.

We come from the sun to live in the cold, I miss Nirvana, what my coconut

Let's keep the music neat, wind up your waist and feel the heat.

Look, I don't believe this phone. That's the third call I've lost this morning.

Second, sir. Mrs. Johnson slammed the phone down on you.

Was this really good, Mandy? Well, I wouldn't say it was exactly good. It's

memo from our no -nonsense, straight -talking manager, Mr. McCree.

Sir, these are difficult times. We are reviewing our situation in South London.

We can all help. We have to cut back on office stationery.

Sir?

Sir, did you read the memo?

Look, all McCree is saying is cut back on office stationery, paperclips, that

sort of thing.

Paperclips today, people tomorrow.

Haven't you heard all the rumours in the canteen?

I don't go in the canteen, Mandy.

Well, that explains a lot.

Well, in yesterday's tea break, I was told by Jean, McCree's secretary, that

little bird had told her that head office are looking to restructure

merge us with Camberwell and generally make cutbacks.

You're not going to make me nervous, Mandy. Well, if I were you, I'd be

petrified. Think about it. If they merge us with Camberwell, they're only going

to need one assistant bank manager.

Yes, but if they only need one assistant bank manager, they're bound to give the

job to... Because he's been here longer than you, precisely, sir.

Mandy, you're making me very nervous.

I just want you to know, sir, I'm not going back to the typing pool.

You realise how much my mortgage will be without the bank subsidy?

for working for anyone else, well, we've been through too much together.

Only payments on the BM alone will be astronomical.

And today of all days... Well, I'm not giving back my gold card, I can tell

Why today of all days?

I've been with the bank five years today.

I almost forgot.

Head office sent me a memo on your five -year service fee.

I was going to give it to you over lunch.

Lunch, sir?

That's in view of the circumstances.

Sir,

you're meant to offer me your congratulations and then...

Pin it on me.

Yes, yes, yes, congratulations.

But what are we worrying about? We're two young, integral members of this bank

with invaluable years of service behind us. They can't get rid of us just like

that.

Michael Amber's office.

Yes, Jean. It's Jean.

Jean.

Mr. McCree wants to see you in his office immediately.

Oh, Shirley, let me give you a hand.

Oh, yeah.

My legs feel like they're going to drop off. It's a nightmare out there.

Anybody would think it's Saturday instead of a Monday morning.

It's too busy in here for it to be a Saturday.

Can I get you a cup of tea, my sweet?

Oh, yes, that would be lovely, my darling.

Oh, thank you, Popeye.

Thanks.

Next time I go shopping, I'm going to wear shin pads to protect my legs from

Peckham push chair brigade.

You do realize why it's so busy outside, don't you? It's halftime.

How would you know the difference?

Your time begins and ends in here, loafing about the shop.

Sorry, Uncle Port, but that's a reactionary and stereotypical remark,

That students spend all their time loafing about the shop.

I mean, we're students, right? We're serious, intelligent members of society,

fully aware that the future of the nation rests in the palm of our hands.

don't forget, the student of today is the leader of tomorrow.

Yeah, man!

In this case, the student of today is the student of tomorrow.

Who...

Who is that stranger sprawled out in your chair?

He reminds me of a little boy I used to know.

This is my son, Sean.

A suitable name for a barber's son, do you think?

After intelligence, innovation and leadership were being handed out, the

family was right there at the front of the queue.

He must have been away that day, ain't he?

Tony, when I want your resignation, I'll ask for it.

Anyway, this is just the beginning.

When I get out there, I'm going to make my mark on this world. Well, I hope you

clean up after yourself.

There ain't going to be nothing to stop me, right? Because I've got drive,

initiative, charisma, modesty.

Of course. You name it, I've got it. You ain't seen nothing yet.

That, my friends, is definitely an Ambrose.

It looks like it used to pert to me.

John, look.

I bought you this T -shirt from the market.

Great. Thanks, Mom.

You don't like it. Well, it's not I don't like it. It's just that you won't

seen dead wearing it.

Oh, dear.

There was a time I used to know your tears.

You're growing up so far.

Phil, if you don't like it, you don't like it.

Sorry, Mum.

How about Frank?

What, no business?

But it's so awesome.

Will no one let me forget it?

Well, dear, maybe it's time I donned the old sandwich board and trot up and down

the high street, mate.

Well, maybe it's time you got out of my shop.

Dez, Dez!

You're trying to help, aren't I? Yeah, listen, Lee, if you really want to help,

mate, take a seat over there and pay for a haircut, yeah? No, it's too late.

Fat Larry's already done the biz.

You've got to help!

Dez, Dez, it's our turn.

You're normally busier, and he was packed as it was.

Yeah, well, what do you expect, Dez? Fat Larry's got four top stylists all doing

the latest cuts, yeah? And how many you got? Me.

I told you before, Dez, we need another assistant.

Especially in the halls, one to attract the kids.

Someone young, someone innovative, street... Did someone call me?

Perhaps you know me better by my alias, Sean Scissorhand. You?

Oh, yeah, Pops.

Fat Larry's a -kicking, but that's not to say that with my athletes we couldn't

be kicking her and jamming her and slamming her. What has happened to the

English language?

Sean, I've told you before, you just don't become a barber like that. Why

You did.

It takes years of it.

We're always shaving designs in each other's hair. Well, we had to stop,

because kids started turning up with four -letter words on the back of their

head. Right, so you want customers? Well, stand back and make way for

the next generation.

Dun -dun -dun!

Well, this is a turn -up for the books, isn't it?

In charge of restructuring.

You know what this means, don't you, Mandy?

Yes, it means you've got to recommend staff for redundancies.

Don't be so boring, Mandy. It means that McCree thinks highly of me. Well, that

makes two of you, then, doesn't it?

Yes, I suppose it does.

Right, let's get sacking. Well, cracking.

This is the phone Mr Ambrose is having problems with. For some reason, his

extension keeps getting cut off.

Hello, sir.

Woman accounts.

Blonde hair, glasses, moustache.

Sophie, sir. That's the one. Hardly ever here. She can go.

Sir, she's on maternity leave.

Who's my point exactly?

You don't catch me swanning off a maternity leave, do you?

Got another one. Kid with spots.

Young guy.

He's got spots.

Alison, the cashier? But why, sir?

He's got spots.

Sir, don't you think we should be a bit more methodical about this? I mean, we

are talking about people's jobs here. Um, sorry.

We, Mandy?

Sorry, who's we?

Were we given the job of restructuring the branch?

No, sir, you were. That's right, Mandy, I was.

We wanted my skills, my judgment, my authority. Therefore, these redundancies

are going to be based on my decisions.

You got that, Mandy?

Yes, sir.

Name that tune.

I'll name that tune. Name what?

I know, it's something to do with alcohol.

Please give me a drink. No.

It's a large rum and coke under the palm tree by Siebert Williams in the late

night drinking. Nope, nope. What is it then?

I want scotch.

One moment.

And one beer. Bye. It was Milburn and the Aladdin chicken chakras. Do you see?

I was right.

It's about drinking.

I used to cut hairs in this shoot.

You had a parting in your hair.

You had hair to part.

When we first opened the shop in 1963.

1963?

In 1963, I was still... A student.

I knew a child in the Gambia pork pie.

I knew all the words to this song.

You heard Amos Milburn and the Chicken Chakras in the Gambia?

Now, they used to be on Caribbean Club on BBT World Service.

We listened to the World Service all the time.

Ta -da -da -da, ta -da -da -da.

service by not pretending that you can sing.

What would Mrs. Ambrose like to have this day?

I don't mind if I do.

But if my husband comes through that door, you'll have to hide.

Oh, look, ain't that sweet?

Hey, Popeye, I bet you'll be the next to move in your day, eh? What do you mean,

my day? My day is not over yet.

Watch this.

Now, that's not dancing. This is dancing.

I like it. I like it. I love it. I absolutely adore it. Respect to the

generation. And over here on the dance floor, we have Sister Cheryl and Daddy D

giving an off -leg twirl. Respect to that.

And right here, giving it a textbook step, we have Matthew.

We used to play this to attract customers in the 60s.

Customers in their 60s are in their 60s.

Man, sometimes I think this place is like a time capsule.

Look, if you keep up with us, right, we'll soon have this place kicking A

Yeah, yeah, yeah, F -A -B, brain.

Right, now let's get this show on the road. As from this moment, we're not

the barbers, we're the hairdressers. Now I'm here, and I'm dri - Ah!

Watch for the sunglasses!

All right, all right, real music, real music.

Ooh, not so loud!

This'll get the bros in, Mum.

Well, how do you know we're gonna get any bros in?

Because I put the word out.

Everyone under 18, half price at Desmond's for the rest of the week. Ah!

price? Boy, are you trying to ruin me? Listen, Dad, we get loads of customers

half price, but we charge them a pound extra for every lamb we put in their

head. Run those options past me again.

Listen, Pops, I think you know where I'm coming from.

All right. Go soon.

Look, Pops, customers!

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

working. Well, perhaps you should add it to your hit list, sir.

What does that supposed to mean? It means the word is out. People are

wrecks. The canteen is a hotbed of rumours.

Do you think you could try that with a few more metaphors this time, Andy?

Does anybody know what I'm thinking? I was only given the job a few hours ago.

Well, all I can say is tongues are wagging.

Really? And whose tongue in particular, Mandy?

There comes a time when a boss -secretary relationship can be sorely

And if a humble secretary thinks that her far -from -humble boss is behaving

like a jumped -up, pig -headed, ignorant, reptilian apology for a man, I

she should say so, sir.

Are you daring to challenge my authority, Mandy?

Let me see. How can I put this? Yes!

Fine. Good.

You're fired!

Good! Good! Good!

Come on, get your African hats here. African hats. Three pound a hat. Only

pound a hat.

When Sean said he was going to drag this place into the new generation, I didn't

realize it meant dragging Lee and his dirty guts in here as well.

It's a little bit noisy in here, Celeste. But hang on. I got the answer.

Darren, me old mate, I ain't never been asked to cut a shape like that before,

but if I say so myself, that is pretty dreadful.

You're learning, son, you're learning. Now, Darren, what do you need to go with

a crisp, half -priced haircut and even crisper, half -priced African hat? Now,

these are real African, mate.

Well, it's kind of... Son, what's this poor boy's mother going to say when he

goes home from death when he's here looking like this?

I don't know what she'll say. This, she'll probably say...

Me? How much commission you pay me on these hats?

Ten percent, Dave.

Get your African hat, say. I need three pound thirty a hat.

Right, who's next?

Matthew, you ever seen any haircut like that?

That boy's head looked like it was in an accident.

I don't know, Popeye. In certain parts of Africa.

Warriors shave their hair in such a way as to intimidate the enemy.

And in fact, they do it to intimidate their parents.

Sure, man.

I didn't know Desmond played such wicked music.

Yeah, well, now you all know what's up, man.

What's up, man? Turn the music down. You're driving the customers away.

Oh, shame.

It's all right, Joe. It's all right.

Mom, it's not driving the customers away. It's bringing them in. Be crank up

volume, man. All right.

What's the use of

books at your age?

I know one use.

I'm sorry, but I can no longer take any more of this. Me too, Desmond. You're

driving your oldest customers out of the shop.

Why don't you two go upstairs and help yourself to tea?

Ah, Shirley, this is the sweetest sound I've heard all day.

Popeye, let us withdraw and raise ourselves above the pandemonium.

In fact, Dad and Mum, why don't you go upstairs as well? I mean, me and Tom

got things under control down there. Hey, Tom.

Yeah, go on, Des, go on, upstairs. Put your feet up. Don't worry, Cheryl, you

too. We can look after things down here. But I'm finished with my customer.

You haven't had a feeling of him for salty orns, have you?

What are you doing here? Oh, it's Michael, isn't it? He'd had an accident.

turn the music down. No, he's fine, Mrs Ambrose.

Although he carries on the way he is, he may well meet with an accident.

No offence, but he's the most unprincipled, arrogant, condescending

yes, that song's like Michael.

Well, usually I take things at my stride, but... This time, he's been

job of restructuring the branch.

That's management talk for giving people the chop. Yeah, that's a job he'd

enjoy. He's like a man possessed. He fires people left, right and centre and

started with me.

And he's got it in for one poor kid because he's got spots.

It'll frighten the customers away.

Michael's famous.

Yes, he's out of control.

Someone's got to do something, that's why desperation... I don't think there's

anything we can do, Mandy.

I know, Amber.

and once they're on their high horse, there's no getting them off until they

meet a very low branch.

Well, only up to a certain age. Surely, surely.

Well, it was worth a try.

At least I got it off my chest.

Well, that marker doesn't know how lucky he is. Listen, man, if you ever need...

John! Well,

thanks anyway.

If only most parents were as sensible as you. Well, if we were like most

sensible parents, we wouldn't have had Michael.

Can I give you a lift anywhere? No, thanks, Lee. I haven't got far to go.

You know, there is one way you could do with Michael, didn't you?

Maybe I will take that lift.

You know, you were saying about this geezer now, the one with the spot.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, let me tell you about a boy we used to call Marshes.

You hear that sound?

Yeah, that used to be us.

Oh, we've had some good times in that shop.

You know my favorite memory of the shop? The heat wave of 76.

Now that was a year.

But you know the best thing about that year? The English learned about real

for the first time.

Everybody running around half naked.

Even the sweat was sweating.

The shop door stood wide open.

We'd hired one of those big fans.

And the whole of Peckham was in that shop.

Glow to the television, watching cricket.

England versus the West Indies.

The Saturday of the fifth test at the Oval.

I enjoyed every moment of it, even though I didn't have a clue what on

going on.

That was the year I made my Michael Holding rum punch, remember?

The one that knocked everybody for six.

I surely made the saltfish fritters.

And the television was on in the corner with the sound down. And we were

listening to John Arlott painting pictures on his Radio 3 commentary.

And Greg setteth himself at the crease.

Lloyd calls another slip in close.

Michael Holding starts his long run -up to the expectant cheers of the crowd.

Holding, majestically striding in office 22 paces, in perfect balance and

impeccable rhythm.

He bowls.

He's bowled it. Oh, my goodness.

The crowd is gone in Brazil.

And Greg has gone for 12.

And England done for boy.

Yes, those were

the days.

Well, I don't suppose you could stay at Crescent all that long.

We've had a good inning.

The shadows are lengthening on the grass.

Maybe it's time we declared.

Thank you.

You fired me, remember?

Yes, I suppose I did, really.

But surely this won't affect our relationship.

Oh, no, sir. I wish all my relationships were based on the sack.

Right, right.

Are you still going ahead with your list?

Mandy, it's a job that has to be done.

Including Alistair with the spots?

Top of the hit list.

Don't you mean zit list, sir?

Leave the jokes to me, please, Mandy.

name Marshes mean anything to you, sir?

What?

Oh, it's nothing.

It's just a little story I heard today about a 15 -year -old boy who loved

cricket but didn't get picked for the team.

A tall, gangly lad, size 12 feet and shoulders that made him look like a

coat. All the boys called him Marshes. Do you remember why, sir?

I don't think we have time for this. Oh, I think you do.

They called him Marshes because of his...

Atney. Yes, Atney Marshes.

The boy who thought everybody hated him because of his spot.

Listen, Maddy. You convinced yourself that you weren't picked for the team

because of your face.

Michael Ambrose, were you or were you not good enough to play in that team?

I was. I was!

And is Alistair being dropped from the Banks team because of his ability or his

spot?

Maddy, I've been thinking.

Would you like to help me with my list of recommendations?

Does that mean I get my job back, sir?

Yes.

Another five years, sir.

Let's hope so.

Oh, by the way, congratulations.

Pin it on me, sir!

Wow!

What a day. Now, was I good today or was I good today?

Yeah, well, we're good today, yeah? Do you see what happens if you find your

market, put the word out, get the right blend of atmosphere?

Yeah, yeah, you end up knackered.

I'll tell you what, though. I ain't seen queues in this shop since the day Lee

was flogging those mobile phones that turned out to be pencil cases.

Yeah, do you remember that day, Des?

Um, Sean, you wanted to help you with the sleeping up?

Eh? Yeah, great, Pops. Now, Tone, tomorrow... And when I finish the

what do you want me to do?

Get fresh ones. Now, Tom, tomorrow... Tomorrow's another day, mate, yeah?

And if I sit around here listening to your plan for world domination, tomorrow

will be today. So listen, pal, I'll check you later. Touch. All right, peace

out, man. All right.

All right, babe. Bye -bye, Tom.

What's the matter,

pops?

Oh, nothing.

You did good today, son. You said you'd get this place kicking, and you did.

If I ever want to sweep her up, well, you know where to come.

Pops, the shop may be kicking, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be kicking you

out. It don't?

No.

Well, I did have a great time today, but this is your gig, not mine.

I mean, the name above the shop says it all.

It does?

Yeah.

Anyway, whatever I decide to do with my life, I'm not going to be taking your

curtain calls.

I mean, you and Mum, you've taught me that I can go for anything I want out

there. It's just that whatever I go for, I just want you guys to be proud of me,

like I'm proud of you.

Well, I am proud of you, son.

Just promise me one thing.

Name it. Well, every now and then you'd come in from out there and have your

hair cut in here.

Short back and sides.

That's what you do best, Pops.

Touch. Touch.