All language subtitles for Desmonds s04e11 Go with the Flo

From the long, warm night to the ocean
breeze, to the damp and to the rain of

London City.

We come from the sun to live in the
cold, I miss the rum, I watch my coconut

tree.

Let's keep the music neat, wind up your
words and feel the heat.

Hey, Des, what do you reckon to the
outfit, then? Wicked or what?

Little Red Riding Hood.

If you're looking for your grandma's
house, you're too late. It's been

repossessed.

Funny, Des, funny.

And I thought this was supposed to be an
express sandwich service.

Oh, it is. Lee arrives two hours late
and we all get to express ourselves.

Oi, what time do you call this? Yeah,
sorry about that. I couldn't find a can

opener. Well, you lost your car keys
again.

This?

That's tuna and tomato.

And this?

Tuna cucumber.

This?

Salad supreme?

Looks like tuna to me.

How much?

270. Charge it to my account.

I must speak to you. Look, tuna
sandwiches, mate. Very good for the

Lee, please.

Look, if anyone asks, you haven't seen
me.

My optician told me I was short
-sighted, not blind.

At first I thought it was a dream.

But then...

I saw the red light on my answer phone,
played by the tape, and there it was,

the voice of doom.

One of those heavy breather calls, was
it?

Yeah, I used to get them. You did?

Yeah, till I got the girlfriend to give
up the smoking.

Matthew, what is this all about? I've
never seen you in such a state.

My sister Florence.

Oh, yes.

I knew those words would set me into
your hearts.

She's not here again, is she?

She and that... Awful little husband of
hers? Yes, as the other Matthew.

No, but she's come to fetch me home to
the Gambia. What?

Apparently, I've got to go and help my
father run his business. She could be

here in a minute.

Good, I'll help you pack.

Desmond, you've got to hide me. No.

Surely. Certainly not.

After the last time, telling her and her
husband this was your shop and we were

your grateful employees? No.

But I thought we sorted that one out,
hadn't we, Desmond? I won't be too sure

about that, ma 'am. Well, how am I going
to avoid her?

I mean...

I've not done business in my house.

Desmond, Shirley, please.

I wish to seek asylum on the grounds of
persecution.

Matthew, I know your sister Florence is
a domineering, loud -mouthed so -and -so

who thinks she's superior to most other
beings. But that's no reason for you to

hide. Let me have Sean's room while he's
away. But this is the first place she's

going to look.

What can I do?

Go home and hide under your bed.

Why don't you try to use us, though?
Him? He wouldn't qualify.

So why not go?

How much are you willing to pay for a
room?

Do you know a place?

As a matter of fact, I do. And they're
only charging ten pounds a night.

Oh, where would that be for? My place.

You cannot be serious.

Well, you need a place to hide. I need
to pay for these sandwiches.

Take it or leave it.

Well, there's an old African saying.

The man who doesn't have any place to
rest doesn't turn his nose up at the

rubbish heap.

And as we say to old Africans, beggars
can't be choosers.

I see foreign straits in the Royal
Council estate looking for you.

Yes, you're right.

I need a deposit, 20 pounds, no checks.

Come on, Mac, I'll give you a lift,
mate. Look, I need to stop off and pick

few belongings.

Walk by.

I presume you don't have a garlic press?

A what?

A garlic press?

I tell you what, I'll give that flat
share 24 hours, any time you like.

I brought you some tea.

I didn't want any. Well, I brought you
some anyway.

And there was only one old used tea bag
left.

I hope you didn't throw it away.

Well, I did. So there.

What are you having for dinner?

Fish fingers.

Is that the best you can do?

No, but that's the best you're going to
get.

Maybe we should get a takeaway.

Will they take you away too?

Who's that?

I don't know. I haven't opened the door
yet.

It could be your sister.

Open this door. I know you are in there.

You could be right. She has been known
to do strange impersonations.

Oh, look, we can't stop. We just pop by
to give you these.

Yeah, emergency rations will see you
through the siege.

Well, how very kind of you. You must
have read my mind.

Why, is it out in paperback, then?

What are you doing for all of this?

It's from the house, Uncle P.

From the house?

Well, yeah, we had a free trade.

Yeah, Mum and Dad donated the birds and
I sacrificed my yoghurt. And they're in

the biscuit.

That's a little fugitive, aren't you?

Look, I'd better put these in the fridge
before they go off.

It's like a furnace in here, isn't it?
Must be all the friction, eh, Uncle P?

Have there been any sightings of my
sister Florence?

No sign of the enemy yet.

Mr. Grant, why is it so warm in here?
You're getting ready for global warming.

It's no wonder you can't afford to pay
your bills.

Really, you should try to think more
economically.

Why? Now that you're here, I don't have
to think more economically.

You can afford to pay any bill they care
to send me.

Listen, if you need anything else, just
give us a call, all right?

Thanks for having us then, Mr. Grant.

It's all right, Louise. It was a
pleasure.

I'm sorry I couldn't offer you a cup of
tea, but this man threw away my tea bag.

I was actually hoping to have another
one. You could have asked.

I can see trouble brewing here.

So sweet, the toothpaste in the middle.

I wish my telephone wasn't disconnected.

Why? I would call that sister of yours
and tell her that you're here.

Bye.

If and when Florence puts in an
appearance, you can deal with it.

I'm no good at telling lies.

Oh, I don't know, my sweet. You
convinced that woman that she needed two

of herbal shampoo and what she really
needed was a hair transplant.

Or it should be a pushover.

Well, if she comes here and starts
making trouble, that's exactly what I'm

to do to her. What?

Push her over.

Stop shoving me.

Is she here?

No. No.

So come in, you ungrateful student.

be gentlemen, pistols or swords.

Gentlemen, will you please explain to
your friend, Popeye, that it is just

common courtesy to allow one to get fast
use of the bathroom in the morning?

And, Shirley, will you please explain to
your friend, Matthew, that hot water

doesn't grow on trees?

That's the sort of nonsense I've had to
listen to all night.

You could have gone out.

When do you go out, Popeye? Prisoners do
not.

Enemy alert!

Quick, your sister just pulled out my
cab. Shit.

Oh, Lauren,

this is a surprise.

Greetings, Shirley.

And to you, Desmond. Oh, hello,
Florence.

Back so soon?

Soon? It's been over a year, Desmond.
Oh, yeah.

Well, it seems like only yesterday.

Not a lot of activity for a Friday
afternoon, Desmond. That's true, but

a barbershop, not a sports centre.

Can I get you anything?

Tea, coffee? Some tea would be nice. And
a few biscuits.

But not those nasty ones that look as if
they've been used as a trot for flies.

Gloria! Why, mate? I'll come with you.

Check for flies.

No sugar for me, little girl?

I'm sweet enough already, wouldn't you
be?

I confess that this is not a social
visit.

I have come to fetch my brother Matthew
to take him back home with me to the

Gambia. You see, my father is feeling
his age and he wishes for Matthew to

and help him run the family business.

So, being a responsible and caring
daughter, I felt it my duty to see to it

my father's wishes are granted.

No sooner had he uttered the words than
I hopped on a plane.

And here I am.

How nice.

But the question is, where is my
brother?

I presume you know his whereabouts.

Of course we do.

He's gone on holiday.

Gone on holiday?

Where to?

He didn't say exactly, but I think he
may have gone... On a cruise.

To Portugal.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

On a cruise. That place in Algarve.

Well, he doesn't seem to have taken much
with him. I visited his flat.

All his suitcases are still there.

That's because he's gone on a survival
course.

A what? To Portugal?

No, in the Outer Hebrides. But I thought
you said Portugal.

Yes, I did.

He forgot.

Portugal was cancelled?

Yes, the travel agent overbooked, so
they sent him on a survival course

To the Outer Hebrides? Yes.

In Scotland?

Yes. A little out of character for
someone so used to fine wines and table

napkins and so entirely remote from the
mysteries of haggis.

He has also forgotten to cancel his
milk, which makes me very suspicious.

You see, for all his shortcomings, my
brother is a very orderly man.

Still, not to worry, I am a very
determined daughter. I'm sure I'll track

down eventually.

Ah, Mr.

Ambrose, Jr.

Michael, isn't he? Mrs.

McFarlane, nice to see you again.

How's your husband, Matthew, the other
Matthew? He's on an important business

trip in Dusseldorf, but he's fine, fine.

Good, good.

Well, it's been lovely talking to you.
Can't stop.

Father,

where are they? Upstairs.

At last.

Has she been waiting for a bus?

Get up, get up.

Get up, get up.

Thank you, Gloria.

Yes, thank you.

Pleasure.

This must be a West Indian, Costa.

Chocolate biscuits with tea.

Oh, sorry, we didn't have anything else.

Well, if I knew you were... Oh, come in.
You have baked a cake?

Not exactly.

Excuse me.

Don't I know you?

Who, me? Yes. I have an excellent memory
for names.

It's steak pie, isn't it?

Pork with a P.

Pork pie.

Oh, yes. I knew it had something to do
with dead animals.

Father, where are the books? I can't
find them anywhere.

Ah, Michael.

One moment, please.

I don't suppose you have seen my
brother, Matthew?

Yes, he's just in the bathroom.

If you can bear to close that mouth of
yours for just a few seconds, I have

something to say.

I'm sure you'll be delighted to know
that I've decided to accept Father's

And I will be returning home.

For good.

What can I say?

Look, I didn't know anything about it.

Nobody told me you were hiding in the
bathroom.

I was not hiding, Michael. I was lying
low.

Yes, but I'm sorry to worry your father,
okay? Look, if there's anything I can

do to help... Well, it's done now, so
shall we get down to business?

Yes. The matter of transferring the
rents from your property to your foreign

accounts in the Gambia. I've just got
some form for you to sign.

Matthew, why can't you tell your folks
that you don't want to return home to

the business?

Sometimes it is better to go with the
flow.

Ah, flow.

Meaning what?

Exactly.

And one can hardly appeal to her
emotional side.

My sister, you have noticed, has all the
sensitivity of a Sherman tank.

Yes, but Matthew, she's not the one that
wants you home. I mean, surely you can

ring your father and say you have other
commitments here.

No. You see, in the Gambia... In the
Gambia. Look, I know things are

there, Matthew, but are you using it as
an excuse for some pretty weak -kneed

yellow -bellied behaviour?

May I remind you, Michael, that if it
went for you, I wouldn't be going home

all.

Welcome, sir.

And yours, Matthew.

Everything all right, sir? I thought I
had raised voices.

Everything's fine, thank you very much.

A mug?

Well, you're not leaving us.

And I thought it a little unfair that
Matthew should drink his last drop of

English tea from a mug.

You know, we're all going to... to miss
you, Matthew, but I hope you'll be

taking away some fond memories of us
all.

Well, some of us, at least.

You know, I know we've only met on a few
occasions, but I feel we could have

become very close friends. Well, that's
enough, Mandy.

I was only trying to say farewell.

You mean you won't be coming to the shop
this evening?

No. Why? Is there something going on?

Oh, my kind and thoughtful friends have
organised a farewell party.

Didn't Michael tell you?

No, he didn't, Matthew.

It slipped my mind.

Well, may I take this opportunity to
extend a personal invitation to you,

We'd love to come.

We're going to miss him, you know. Who?

Your brother. He's sort of grown on us.
Yes, I can imagine.

It must be like the water I had on my
little finger. Can you see? Just there

was. Then one day... I gave it a roll,
and poof, it just fell off.

I'm going to try to buy her from
Matthew's volumes next.

I hope you're not going to go away and
forget about us, Matthew. I don't

you'll give me a chance.

You'll be wanting to visit for holidays,
I expect.

Oh, you bet. I always knew I had a soft
spot for Matthew.

And as this is a farewell, I'm going to
give you two farewell kisses.

Stingy, you can have four from me.

Are you sure it's there to give you
this?

Oh, thank you.

It's Anthony, isn't it?

Yeah, that's right.

You're Michael's Mandy, aren't you? No,
I'm not Michael's anything, actually.

I mean, I work for him, but I'm not his.

Are you anybody?

I beg your pardon?

Drink? I don't mind if I do.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered
here to witness the end of what has been

long and arduous journey.

A journey undertaken by our good friend
Matthew here through the hallowed halls

of academia.

Academia? Damn, you know, I don't need
to know that.

Oh, Uxbridge. It's on a Piccadilly line,
isn't it?

Quiet when your elders are speaking.

Thank you, Florence.

It's been... Sixteen years since Matthew
came into this shop to ask for the

directions to the local library.

And ever since then, he's been a regular
visitor to this shop. He came, and he

sat, and he sat.

Some people might say that his time here
has been wasted, but I would dispute

that. Time spent imparting knowledge and
wisdom can never be wasted.

And for us, getting to meet someone from
the fatherland has been a...

Immense value.

Yes.

Now we can all say we know at least one
old African saying.

So, Matthew, my dear friend Michael, I
would like you to accept this gift as a

small token of our affection and
admiration.

There's an old African saying.

A word to the wise is... But for pork
pie's benefit, I'll add a few more.

First of all, I'd like to give thanks to
Desmond and Shirley for organizing this

wonderful party.

This evening has shown me what good,
kind, and generous friends I've made

my brief stay in the United Kingdom.

Oh, come on, Matt. Shut up and open your
prison book.

I was forgetting.

We'd like you to look at it as a
commemorative of many of the...

Close shave, you've had it all shot.

A very strange present.

They do realize we have electricity in
Burgambia, I suppose.

Thank you, Shirley and Desmond.

Now, everybody, let's boogie!

I would like to say a few words in
regards to the...

Sudden and untimely departure of my good
friend, Matthew.

It's all right, Pope.

I ain't going to bury him, you know.

When I first met Matthew, I thought he
was just a pompous, arrogant African

student. But over the years, I've come
to realize he's something else, a good

friend. I mean, who else would sit next
to me with his newspaper blocking my

view and accuse me of reading over his
shoulder?

Who else would be quoting African
proverbs in my ears at all hours?

Fill in the cross for when it is time to
play the domino and squeeze the

toothpaste in the middle like you did
the other night.

But who else would sometimes... Sorry,
everybody.

That's what... I'll say this way about
you.

We have another present for you from
Pork Pie.

Mark, start here.

It's only temporary until I can afford
your full name.

Oh, no!

I like it left as it is, Popeye, really.

I don't know what to say, except that
I... All right, all right, save that

later, cos you've got one more present
to come, mate. More?

Yeah, well, we couldn't let you go
without giving you a farewell song,

Oh, no!

No, no, no, no, no, give us a chance, I
can sing.

You're having a laugh, aren't you?

Go on, then, go on.

Goodbye, Matthew, goodbye!

But there are three lovely young ladies
who can.

Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm
welcome, all the way from South Africa,

Progress!

Just because you tried to go, sir.

Poor Matthew, eh? Fancy having a sister
like that.

Here you are, Popeye.

I made you some tea.

Well, thank you, Shirley.

Oh.

I wasn't thinking, you know, it's just
automatic. Tea for two?

Oi, listen, Shirley, if there's a cup of
that going down... Help yourself.

Hello!

demand an explanation.

I'm not going to be having a joy and
farewell party to the people who come

before they're even gone.

I'm sure Matthew can explain better if
you just calm down, Desmond.

Well, you see, I was waiting for Sister
Florence, all packed and ready to go

when the phone rang.

It was her, Florence.

She had phoned the Gambia to tell my
father that her mission had been

accomplished and she was bringing me
home. And apparently, my father said,

the devil for?

And she said, to help you run the
business at your pastor, dada.

And he said, my son, Matthew, help run
the business?

Are you out of your head, you stupid
woman?

I met your husband, my son -in -law, the
other Matthew.

What? So, you don't have to go after
all?

No. So we are stuck with you here again?

It would seem so.

Right.

What are you doing, Toklay? I'm going to
call that engraver and get a refund on

this plaque.

Not to me, a pensioner spending money on
this student who doesn't have the

decency to go and stay gone.

Is he going to be like this for the next
16 years?

Yes.

Welcome back, Matthew.