Original subtitles

From the long hot nights with an ocean breeze to the damp and to the rain of

London 15.

We come from the sun to live in the coal line. It's nearer my watch, my coconut

tree.

Let's keep the music sweet. Wind up your way some feeling.

Gloria, get off the telephone. I'm trying to run a business.

Don't tell me. The chewing gum kid strikes again.

Oh, not only that, Cheryl.

He's changed brands.

This is obviously the chisel -proof super -grip perma -weld bling.

If he didn't weld his fingers together with it.

Gloria, get off the phone. Now.

Get off the phone.

Place is falling apart.

I've been telling Desmond for years.

The shop needs completely redoing. I mean, look at it.

The only thing holding this place together is faith.

None of which is mine.

Yeah, well, after you with that slate then, Des.

This is for you.

Telephone. Pack.

And some more of that prize draw nonsense.

Thank you, but no thank you.

The telephone makes interesting reading.

A lot of 051 and 061 prefixes, courtesy of you -know -who. Yes, I know who. And

every time I want to use my telephone, it's brr -brr -brr -brr, busy line.

to have money here, boss, yeah? Yeah. Well, I think you better go upstairs and

put it in your piggy bank.

You see, the time with teenage daughters and telephones is, it starts off with a

ring, and before you know it, they're permanently engaged.

They make it up, all of them make them many calls.

And the chicken never crossed the road.

Yeah, well, that one's soon to start.

What about all the modern nationwide calls?

They work.

Oh, so you have been job hunting.

Yeah, well, sort of.

Anyway, I must go, cos I've got to be at the studio for 11.

You mean you're going to meet Alex again?

It's been over a month and we still haven't met him? Oh, it's only been

three weeks, two days, eight hours.

Anyway, we're just getting to know each other. You're meeting when the time is

right. Wait, what's wrong with him?

Listen, he'll go mad if I'm late. I've got to sort out the transport and stuff

today. Oh, are you planning to go away somewhere?

It's for Alex's artwork.

He's planning an art exhibition and I'm helping him. It'll look good on my CV.

But, Gloria, you'll forget.

Once you're finished learning, it's time to start earning.

That right. And as far as I know, your friend Alex is not paying you a wage.

And I'm paying his phone bill.

Oh, yeah.

I'll see you.

Louise has been trying to get hold of your army.

She wants you to call ground.

Well, baby, Louise should change her name to... £369!

Do you know what your problem is? Yes.

Alex Reynolds.

You'll never be satisfied with any young man that Gloria brings home here.

That's right, because I know what's right.

I know all about these artists, Shirley.

Living in squalor, drunk every day, keeping decent people's daughters out

night, running up decent people's telephone bills, buying illegal

If that's what you want for your daughter, fine.

What's wrong with you?

Sometimes the tension in here, Des, it gets a bit much, you know.

It's me.

Hello, it's me.

Hi.

I've got a

bone to pick with you.

Ah, vegetarians don't pick bones. I'm not a vegetarian, and I want to know why

you said I was to Deborah and her husband's thingy last night. So that

and her husband's thingy only had to cook one meal.

Listen, you don't own me, you know. And who gives you the right to make

decisions without even asking me first? Oh, you see?

Now, Deborah would say that aggression is due to the amount of meat you eat.

Yeah, well, smell this.

That's what I like about you, Gloria.

Oh, good.

I do like them too, though, you know. Maybe we should invite them over here

sometime. Oh, so you want to play Mr and Mrs, do you?

Maybe.

Then we'll have to do all the other things that married couples do.

Oh, yeah, we've just had a row, haven't we?

So let's make up then.

Daddy wouldn't approve.

Why not? I'm decent, honest, legal, and I'm a dab hand at DIY.

Oh,

here's some new stuff.

Nice.

Thank you kindly, man.

Tea, with or without the tanny?

With, please.

I'll bet you're... exhibition. I phoned everywhere.

I even rang your good friend Catherine in Glasgow.

Oh, and what did she say? Yeah, she jumped at the chance, like you said.

I'd love to have Alex Reynolds for a few days.

That's Catherine.

Everyone else was booked up.

I did have this really brilliant idea, though.

But I did think it was a bit cheeky, considering I've never really met the

I'm listening.

I've recreated garages.

I've done empty railway carriages. I've even done greenhouses.

But I've never, ever done a barber shop.

My dad's barber shop. Yeah, it came to me the other day when you were telling

about those guys Matthew and Pork Pie. How they just sit around all day telling

stories and listening to music.

And your dad playing special requests on his trumpet for the customers. I don't

think that's a very good idea.

It feels right.

Oh, all right then.

And from what you told me about your dad, I'm sure he'd relish the idea of

playing host to an art exhibition.

Him being a fellow artist.

He could play during the show.

Does your mum still dance? Yeah.

She'll be there dancing on my grave when she finds out about this.

So you will ask them for me?

Please?

Pretty please?

You're not that pretty, you know.

No, but I am sexy.

Get right back down there now, Alex.

possibly do, beside burn a small hole in your pocket. We need new chairs.

These chairs that I have a few years left in us yet. Years?

You'd be lucky if it lasts another week.

Tony, you see this chair? I shaved my first customer in this chair.

You mean those marks are bloodstains?

People have no respect for the past.

No, no, that's not true.

Nostalgia's big business, Ted.

People pay a fortune for this sort of stuff nowadays.

Right, so if we sell them, we can buy a new set.

Lee, how much do you think there was?

Oh, about 250.

250?

There you are, Des.

250 pounds?

No, no. Two pound 50, Des.

Speaking on behalf of the regulars, may I suggest that the management also do

something about the customer seating arrangements?

Jamal, the seats have had it.

The springs have sprung and the stuffing's left long ago.

Maybe the two of you should follow it.

Why not get something more elegant, Shirley?

A leather chest, if it would be nice.

So, what a fortnight in Florida.

What I'd like is one of those armchairs with two receptacles.

One for my bottle of rum and one for a mini television set so I can watch the

races. Now, listen, I've seen this great recliner disc with built -in stereo and

massage pads for your back.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, I could do with some of that.

Yes, that's great, Lee. Either way, Des, these chairs have got to go.

A client of mine caught her sleeve on this the other day.

She could have sued us, Desmond.

You must admit, Desmond, having a haircut here is hazardous enough without

added risk of being in pain while I'm waiting for a blow -dryer.

Right.

I'll put up a notice.

Pass me that pen, Tony.

Customers are advised that they are seated

at their own risk.

The management cannot

be held responsible for injuries to persons.

Or death.

There.

Not going out tonight?

Me? No.

Do you want some help with that?

Gloria, you've been in here for the last half an hour and you're only just

offering to lend a hand? Oh, shall I make you some coffee then?

Do you remember how many sugars I took?

Mum.

Freeing it?

No. I don't take sugar in coffee.

If you try to sweeten me up, you'll have to bake me a cake.

Look, Mum, I thought I'd ask you a small favor. I promise I'll never ask you

anything as long as I live.

But will you ask Daddy to be willing to let Alex hold the exhibition in the

shop?

I didn't get all that. Say it again.

Oh, please don't tease, Mum.

Will you ask him? It's important.

You mean Alex is important?

Oh, yeah, he is.

It feels right.

There's a brain there. I can talk to Alex and I don't feel I have to explain

myself every two seconds.

And it's not an effort.

He tells me to shut up. I tell him to get lost.

It's great.

And I presume he's good looking as well as intelligent.

If Alex was sitting here and Denzel Washington walked in, I wouldn't even

noticed.

Well,

he sounds really wonderful. How come we haven't met him yet?

Mum, you know what Dad's like about my boyfriends. He never likes any of them.

As soon as he gets introduced, he picks out their faults. And then by the end of

the evening, he's put me right off them.

Maybe he's right. I mean, you can't blame him if you make bad choices.

Alex is different.

Anyway, what about him having his exhibition in the shop?

Well, what's wrong with a proper gallery?

Well, he's not that sort of... I'll explain later, but will you ask Dad

using the shop?

Yeah, I'll ask him.

He'll say... No!

Don't thank me yet. Before I do you any favors, I want a few favors from you.

And one is, you organize your own life before you go organizing anyone else's.

And two, you do not use that phone again until you pay off what you owe.

Fair enough. I'll use the cool box in the shop. Good.

Well, seeing as the bathroom is vacant for once, I think I'll go upstairs and

run a bath.

Yeah, but you won't forget about that thing, though, will you? No!

Hello, it's me.

Hey, did you ask?

Yeah. Great.

So, so sorted. That was quick.

Yeah, but... I'll bring it back.

And you want me to do you a favor?

the patron of the arts, though, mate. Yes, well, it was up in the attic.

Surely he was going on about brightening up the place a bit. I bought that in

1967, you know.

Yeah, I can see that, mate. Well, I'll tell you what that is. I picked this up

down at the community centre this morning.

The artist Alex Reynolds continues his tradition of exhibiting in real working

environments. This time, host gallery is Desmond's Barbershop. Peckham.

What's your boyfriend doing advertising an art exhibition in my shop?

Advertising? Yeah, there's a whole load of them down at the community centre.

Oh, it's a nifty bit of graphics there. I mean, I don't know much about art,

but... You didn't ask Dad yet, did you? No, I haven't asked your father yet.

I think you may be allowed one phone call.

Yes, you can use it to summon that boy Reynolds to see me.

Now,

he may be good at putting designs on paper, but I want to know...

He's gotten my daughter!

Ah, but the idea of art, you see, has set up such a context of action within

culture and has taught us to interpret the images of art as records and

indications of cultural and artistic intention.

I've always thought that way about it, yeah.

Well, I never thought of it like that.

Ah, but it's still...

Sometimes, Popeye, you're such an ignoramus.

Jez, Jez, you'll never guess, mate.

This is art.

Great. Everybody out except you.

Oh, Dad, can't we sort this out peacefully, please? No. Dory, I think it

be a good idea if we both went upstairs.

Because sometimes I think this family is positively Dickensian. The only thing

missing is Dad's mastiff on horsewhip.

You're short, Alex.

I thought I told the three of you to come out. But it's going to rain.

Not a drop.

It's bright and sunny out there. Come out.

Besides, the fresh air will do you good. Fresh air?

In Peckham?

Isn't that stuff that comes in chains at the chemist? Oh, it's very good for the

lungs, I say.

For over 20 years I've been coming here and not once have you ever closed up

this place early.

Come out on you too, Tony.

No, no, no, Des. I've got to call on you any minute now.

Well, tell him we've got a new line in business.

Alfresco Weaves. Out!

But, Alex, I'll give you a bill next Thursday. Don't worry about it, Des. His

bite's worse than his bark.

Don't you mean that the other way round?

No, but I'm sure you can handle him.

Right. Sit down.

Father?

A word.

Sit down.

Please.

My secretary handed me this this morning. Apparently a number of them

distributed around town, not to mention several posters in a local library.

So, I presume this art exhibition is for real.

Well, that being the case, can I just say this?

I'm angry.

You angry? Not angry, but hurt.

You never even thought of consulting me on any of this, either as your partner

or your son. Remember me? Michael Ambrose, the one mother gave birth to in

Art exhibition.

What do you know about...

Goff was the German wine on special offer at Tesco.

Father, you cannot run a barbershop and an art gallery. The two things just

aren't compatible.

Excuse me. Sit down.

Ah, please.

Remember me?

Desmond Ambrose.

I've been your father for close than 30 years.

And though it was hell sometimes to stock it out through the wet napkins in

art gallery, long enough for you to grow up to be a partner in this business.

Now, I... I have not decided what I'm going to do about Mr. Reynolds here.

But when I do, I'll give you a call, okay?

Mr. Reynolds? Yes.

Hi. Yeah.

Hi. Look,

mustache.

Go to the meeting at half past. What? How long?

Look, take this man with you.

Desmond, would it be possible for me to ask Shirley if she has an umbrella I

could borrow? Of course not. We're closed. Out.

Right.

Place your bets there, gentlemen.

It'll give me ten to one odds on the thumbs down verdict.

The natives are getting restless.

Very soon they'll be calling for blood.

Lucky I brought my donor card with me then.

Right. Look, Mr Ambrose, I just want to apologise for all the trouble that I've

caused you.

Look, you know, I expected to greet Gloria's dad with an offer to buy a

and a handshake.

Look, I know it must have been a big shock to you to suddenly find out that

place was being touted as a venue for the arts against your wishes, but I

am sorry, Mr Ambrose.

I don't know what else to say, except that Gloria's not to blame.

It was all my idea.

I just convinced myself that you'd agree to it.

You've been involved in the arts yourself.

Gloria's talked a lot about your musical talents.

She has?

Yes, she has.

Go on, Lee, what's happening?

Right.

No, no, they're still talking.

No sign of any bloodshed, though.

Could possibly see some form of a truce being made here.

No sign of the other suspect as yet, Miss Gloria Ambrose.

I think maybe she's being kept in custody until the trial's over.

I'm not going to believe this.

Try me.

You see?

Yes, yes, of course, I see.

You mean, although it remains intact, there's always some movement, some

fluctuation. Yes, that's what you mean.

Mr Ambrose, don't take this the wrong way.

Putting my work on display in your shop?

It's almost like a dream come true.

I mean, I wasn't always going to be an artist.

I wanted to be a football player.

But when I was 13, I did this collage of Icarus. The man who flew too close to

the sun.

I did a painting of that for my junior school art exam back in Guyana.

You did?

Oh, yes. I've always had a tremendous appreciation for the arts, be it

music, the theatre.

That is my point.

I mean...

Galleries imprison art.

Yes. They suffocate it. Yeah. Not to mention ripping off the artist. Oh,

We have to get art into the community.

Yes, yes. Bring it back to the people. Yes. That's why I want to use your shop.

Art in galleries unintentionally imprisons and suffocates the work and

should be for everybody.

That's where we come in, Desmond's, bringing art to the people.

Yes, fine. And how much are we charging them? Charging? For what?

Well, for use of the premises, for a start. You mean you didn't discuss

The French Impressionists?

I think you're talking about money. What I'm talking about, Father, is money.

I found out quite a bit about our Mr. Reynolds.

Interiors did a feature on him a few months ago. He's quite high profile in

of the trendier art circles. Things he does are amazing.

Oh, yes, they are, aren't they? Yes. The ceiling is completely covered with

broken pieces of glass.

And on the walls, you can see fragments from cars and bicycles like rusting

carcasses everywhere.

It's amazing.

What? He's going to do that to my shop?

Our shop, Father.

All right, let's go.

Thanks for all your help, Mrs Ambrose.

It's incredible, Glor.

Incredible.

Well, if you're sure.

Oh, I am.

I am. Stop, stop, stop.

Leave me alone.

You're talking about a thing.

What?

Nothing changed.

When do you start?

I don't.

There's nothing I can do to improve it.

It's all a living exhibition as it stands.

Wait a minute.

What about all these people are going to be turning up because of your stupid

posters? Compulsory audience participation, Michael.

They'll all be invited to be Desmond's clients.

They will?

They'll all be part of a unique cultural experience.

You mean they'll have their hair cut?

Yep.

I like it, I like it.

And you pocket the proceeds.

That's right. Look, I think it's about time we wrap this nonsense up. Come on,

back to work. Everyone... Oi, oi, oi. Listen, you cultural bimbo.

Alex isn't making any money from this, are you, Alex?

Michael, I'd consider it a sin to exploit part of our national heritage.

You would?

Listen, Michael, you hear good.

Dismas is a monument to black British culture. It is?

It belongs to the people. It does?

So the extra money that comes in... Could go towards... New chairs.

A new bench. A sofa.

Oh, yes.

Please, Desmond. Oh, no, no.

I couldn't bear to change a thing in this place.

And as my friend Alex says, and as I've always known, this isn't just a barber

shop.

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