Original subtitles

From the long, hot night with an ocean breeze to the damp and to the rain of

London City.

We come from the tunnel to live in the coal line. It's nearer my watch, my

coconut tree.

Don't scratch my soccer.

Do the parties over.

Let's keep the music sweet. Wind up your waist and feel the heat.

For you.

Another bill?

Another bill for you?

This one's for me.

And that's your bill.

Oh, no!

What's wrong, sir?

Hello, my loving sister and brother -in -law.

That's Desmond and Shirley, as I affectionately note.

I'll be visiting you on Friday the 13th.

See you then.

Love, Susie. Friday the 13th?

That's today.

Unlucky for some.

If your sister's coming to stay, it's unlucky for us.

Well, she didn't say she was coming to stay.

Oh, she lives in Jamaica. We live in Peckham. She'll exactly come and go.

I know Desmond, but she is my sister.

You mean after all the wicked things that woman has said about you, you call

your sister?

Well, I still call you my husband, don't I?

Well, I'll tell you one thing. I'm not having that lying, cheating, scheming,

cantankerous, adulterous, flirtatious woman in this house.

Just speak your mind, Dad.

Now, my sister is not like that. She's just high -spirited.

Well, look, if we... explain to her that she could only stay for a couple of

days, then she wouldn't take advantage.

Hello?

Home office?

Yes.

Well, I'm afraid she's not in.

Mr. Turner, yes.

Mr. Turner, I tell her that you called.

That was for Susan, wasn't it?

Yes. The woman giving out all the telephone numbers, she didn't reach here

Good morning, Tiger.

How do you feel after last night?

Last night?

Oh, I love a man who's modest.

You do?

You're like Clark Kent, aren't you?

Mild -mannered assistant bank manager by day, but give you a phone booth or a

wine bar.

and you become Superman.

Oh, yes, the wine bar.

Did I, um... Did you?

Did I do anything embarrassing?

Oh, well, I wasn't embarrassed, sir, but then I'm not easily shocked.

Oh, no. Don't worry, sir. You give it a whole new meaning to the term hands -on

management.

You say don't worry.

Hello?

Reverse charges?

Okay, why not?

Hello?

Hello, Michael.

Speaking. Is your auntie so -so?

Oh, no.

Yes.

Listen, my nephew, I want you to come and pick me up now.

She says I'd love to, but you see, I'm at work now and I can't leave the

What do you mean you can't?

I'm your auntie.

You know how much you cost to make this phone call?

Yes, I do. 50 pence every 30 seconds.

That's right.

If you don't come and pick me up, I will stay on the line until you do.

You can't switch me up because I'm the one that's ringing you.

Want to bet?

Michael. Michael.

Michael.

Now, Mandy. Yes, sir. About last night.

Yes, sir.

You see, we're both consenting adults, and as adults, we sometimes do things

that... Things, sir?

Yes, Mandy, things. You see, when one's had too much to drink, one says certain

things, and one does certain things that one wouldn't ordinarily do. Ah, but you

know what they say, sir. When one has had too much to drink, the real one is

revealed, as you were last night.

Thank you, Mandy. That was most comforting.

Mr. Amber's office.

It's Jesus.

Helen?

As you're always saying that people don't do enough to help their family.

The trouble is, Susu is not Desmond's family. She's my sister.

I'm Desmond's sister enough.

More like an outlaw.

Look, there is one solution to this problem. If you don't want to put her up

a few days, I will. You?

You? Yeah, me. Any objections?

Yes. You're too young.

For what?

We're only talking about my spare room, pork pie.

Hey, I get it. You're jealous.

No, I'm not. Oh, yes, you are. Because you know she likes younger men.

Well, she can stay at my place.

I've got a room for you which was vacated last week. Who, you? Yes, and

wrong with that?

You're not too young, that's for sure.

I think that I should put her up.

Because Susu and I have a history. We're from the same country, and as her

fellow countryman, I know how to make her happy.

Susu!

Auntie Sousou, don't you ever, ever do that again.

You know what happens to me when somebody tells me not to do something?

him, Cheryl.

What your Auntie Sousou means, Michael, is thank you.

Never again.

in the shop.

You still here, Popeye?

Hello, Sue Sue, darling.

You still here to match? I thought you had more sense.

Hello, Tone.

Okay,

I'll come to the point.

I'm only passing through.

Have some fun, you know what I mean?

I just want to shake up myself on the dance floor.

This is a family home, and the things that I have in mind is strictly for

adults only.

So I've decided to stay elsewhere.

Anywhere in particular?

I don't know yet.

Well, you're most welcome to stay with me sometime.

Thank you, Matthew.

But it's not my mind that needs stimulating.

They do?

Oh, yes.

How about me and you going to a restaurant to start off with 7 .30?

After that, who knows?

Sounds good to me.

Good.

Can I leave up me bags at your house? I'll go one better than that. You can

stay. You sure you can afford it?

That one.

Give Popeye some money.

Keep the change.

And Popeye?

Keep the lady.

Listen, Susu, a Mr. Turner from the home office rang. He wants you to ring him

back.

You all right?

Yes, I'm fine.

What did you tell him?

Nothing.

Let's keep it that way.

You ready, Popeye?

raise your voice in a restaurant, they might think you're ignorant, but you

don't have to act it, okay? Okay, okay, sorry.

Just that you keep looking at the waiter.

I just exercise in my eyes.

Well, rest them now.

So tell me, Susu, what's been happening? You didn't go back to Jamaica?

No.

I was staying with my ex -husband's sister in Birmingham, but we outgrew

other. What do you mean, outgrew each other? She threw me out.

Thrown out like a dirty piece of garbage.

Just because the telephone bill was 400 pounds.

What?

It wasn't all my phone calls.

I was missing my sons.

And I hadn't caught up with the latest gossip in Jamaica.

I was homesick.

And lonely?

You know the worst thing?

After about six months, they said that I should earn my keep.

I had to do all the washing up and cleaning for them.

Why didn't you get a job?

Because I'm not a resident of this country.

Well, how did you survive?

Well, you know, I had some rich admirers.

But I've fed up with all that now. They're only interested in one thing.

I'm not, Susu. You're not?

Why not?

Because I love you, Doreen.

Don't call me Doreen!

I know it's been damn, but people only call me...

Some wine, sir? No, champagne.

Any particular champagne, sir? Yes, champagne, champagne.

A bottle of your finest.

Are you sure, sir?

Yes, sir. Now go away.

Just exercising.

Susu, I have loved you ever since the first time I saw you. You might think

an old man making a fool of myself.

But you're not spring chicken.

And as time goes by, we need each other.

Popeye, let's just take things slowly.

Okay.

You really love me?

Yeah, man.

Good.

There it goes.

Eighty -five pounds, sir.

What? Do it nicely.

Poor guy.

Will you marry me? I will, I will. I do. Yes, I do. I mean... Yamon!

She loves me.

She loves me.

She loves me.

She loves me.

Desmond, what are you trying to do? Kill me?

No. She might know.

Who is she?

Are you talking about my intended... Susu.

Listen, Desmond.

We've been friends for many years. But when I told you I was getting married,

the first word to come out of your mouth was, why?

That's great pork pie.

Well done, like any normal person.

What pork pie? Yes, hush up, Desmond.

And I wasn't born yesterday.

And she might be taking me for a ride. Well, at least it will be a happy one.

Everybody always seen me as an old fool, even when I was young.

They'll be wrong and we might be foolish.

But we love each other.

You know what it's like? living on your own at my age?

Why do you think I spend so much time at the barbershop? Because I don't want to

go home.

And now I can look forward to going home.

I'm not young anymore, Desmond.

And at my age, you find happiness where you can.

I thought that you of all persons would understand.

It's all right for you.

You have Shirley.

D have his S. Well, P wants his S too. Is that all right with you?

So long as you're happy.

to see you, sir.

Who is it?

I'm not sure, but she said, tell him me here and me can't wait.

Me need some money for an engagement ring.

Suzu. Okay.

Mandy, before you let her in. Yes, sir.

What exactly did happen at the wine bar? And let's have the truth.

Okay. We were in the bar. It was all very jolly until a group of yobs in grey

suits and I imagine grey underpants as well started looking at us.

One got the distinct impression they didn't like the fact that we were

Anyway, they came over and asked me if I wanted better company, to which you

replied, if theirs was the best company on offer, they'd better call in the

receivers.

Anyway, anyway, the headlob took a swing at you. You pinned him against the

wall, gave him a piece of your mind. Oh, you were magnificent.

Is that, um...

All that happened?

Sadly, yes, sir.

How did you get a hangover?

Well, the whole place bought you drinks.

Mandy? Yes, sir?

You're a brick.

Oh, sir.

Sister Shirley.

Doreen, stop your stupidness and sit.

I knew you were angry.

You only call me Doreen when you're angry.

I am not angry, Doreen. You see?

There you go again.

Sit down.

This must be serious because you don't know how to begin.

Why is it that you always try me patience?

Why is it that after 50 -odd years, I still feel responsible for you? You

have to.

Well, I do.

And I think this time you're gone too far.

What are you talking about? You know what I mean.

I've no idea.

Look, Doreen, don't act the innocent with me because it don't suit you.

I see men eating out of your hand. I see you chew them up and spit them out. I

see you flip from flower to flower like a butterfly.

I see.

It's jealous you're jealous.

life has amounted to nothing? Why should I be jealous of you?

What is it you want from me?

I'm sick to death of your look -down -your -nose attitude at me.

You think your life better than mine? Look at it. Is this the product of years

of hard work, this crummy wallpaper, and much of sofa?

You think I want that?

Doreen, don't you ever come into my house and insult me.

So now put your backside on that chair before I push you down.

I hate it when you get angry.

I hate it when you raise your voice.

You're not just like Daddy.

In fact, you're not just like Mommy and Daddy.

Shut up.

I said shut up.

Never before in my life have I been so angry.

You are trouble, Doreen. You always have been and you're...

I hate to see you bringing that trouble to others. You bleed them, suck them

dry. You make me sound like a vampire.

I'm surprised that you go for pork pie.

I mean, after all, he don't have no money. I love him, Shirley.

No, you don't. You have never loved pork pie. If I had a pound for every time

you called him an idiot, I could change the wallpaper, buy a new sofa.

No, Doreen.

I know what you're planning.

I know why you're marrying Popeye and it ain't love.

Shirley, why you can't believe me for once?

Just this once.

My loving sister, Shirley.

Susu.

Susu, what am I going to do with you?

You could make me a cup of tea.

Hello? Ah, yes.

Just a minute. It's for you. Who is it?

I don't know.

Don't tell them I'm not here.

Well, I told them you are already.

And anyway, they must have heard everything because I didn't cover them

please.

gets married. Ah, when Porkpie gets married.

When Porkpie gets married? I mean, he's not going to be coming round every day

to sit with his little bosom buddy anymore, is he?

Sean, Porkpie has never been what I'd call a buddy, or remotely connected with

my bosom.

You know, it always amazes me how you two can sit there day in, day out. I

you're so different. What do you find to talk about?

Well, we talk to you, don't we?

Michael knows.

Some of the best relationships are based on opposites. I mean, take Desmond and

me, for example.

That's right.

People often ask me why I stay with you.

In reply, I tell them I'm too busy to find somebody else.

Well, I think Popeye will still come round here anyway.

Yes, to get away from Susu. Oh, dear, we promised we'd be more positive about

the marriage.

Hello,

everybody.

I just... like to show you all my new engagement ring bought for me by my new

fiancé, Forky B .B.

With a little help from my nephew.

However, we have some news to tell everybody.

I don't know where to start.

Well, you better hurry up. He'll be here soon.

Forky, you were right, Shirley, as usual.

I didn't want to marry Porkpie because I loved him. You didn't? You certainly

didn't marry him for his money.

No. I wanted to marry Porkpie because I wanted to stay in this country.

I knew it. I knew it. The truth is, I've outstayed my visit here.

And Mr. Turner from the Home Office traced me to Birmingham to deport me.

My stupid sister -in -law gave him your number.

After you talked to me, Cheryl, and I received a phone call, I felt I had to

tell Popeye.

I couldn't let him down.

When I told him, do you know what that stupid man said?

He said he didn't care and that he still loved me.

For the first time in my life, somebody genuinely telling me...

So now I'm going.

Goodbye, Shirley.

I've got a fiancée in Jamaica that I'm going to marry. All I need is a girl.