All language subtitles for Desmonds s02e13 Thirty Year Itch.eng

From the long walk night with an ocean
breeze to the damp and to the rain of

London city.

We come from the sun to live in the
coal. I'm in the room. I want my coconut

tree.

Let's keep the music sweet. Wind up your
waist and feel the air.

That's me for today.

Desmond, you better lock up after that
customer. Oh, very well, my sweet little

Ruby.

You all right?

Oh, yes, my little Diamond.

What do you want? Oh, just your golden
face, my little Silver.

You and your nonsense.

Oh, just trying to be friendly, my sweet
little Pearl.

No hints to her may not be enough,
Desmond. Oh, I'm going to give her a

she won't forget.

She's going to have the best 30th
wedding anniversary she's ever had.

you can't get it right on your 30th
attempt, you may as well give up.

That's a long time, Desmond.

Yes.

You know something, Desmond?

I envy you.

You have a nice home, nice shop, nice
kids.

Beautiful wife.

You make me sick.

He's the kind of person you see in those
adverts. You think so? Yeah, man. For

pensions. Pensions?

For five.

When was the last time you saw a black
family in an advert?

As far as advertisers are concerned, we
don't use credit cards. We don't smoke

cigars. According to them, only Jewish
people use telephones.

Did you ever see a black man in a car
commercial?

That man doesn't have a car.

Ah, that's different. You see, that's my
key to a successful marriage.

Don't have a car.

You always have arguments about who's in
charge.

Okay, take a right up Watsit Hill.

Change down into second. You can't go up
a hill in foot.

All right, do a left.

No, I mean a right.

Mind the lorry.

Look out for the lollipop, man. You're
going to run over the tram.

Now look what you've done.

You're much better without a car.

Oh, sorry.

I'm glad I never drove with you,
Desmond.

Didn't you take driving lessons once?

Oh, yes, I was.

But only because Shirley wanted me to.
But then I stopped because I found out

that the thought of me becoming a good
driver would make her jealous.

You see, Popeye, that is the second key
to my success.

I mean, I don't know why I'm telling you
this, because it won't help you.

Never highlight your partner's weak
spots. There are some things you never

mention. Like what?

What I would be telling.

Well, that's between me and Sean.

Well, James, what can I say?

The last time I shook my thang on the
dance floor must have been at student

skits. But, James, this one.

Ah, wonderful girl. Brings out the devil
in one.

You know something, James?

I think I'm in love.

James, can I call you back?

I thought you'd left.

No, sir. I need you to sign these.

Couldn't it wait till the morning?

No, sir.

Are you all right, sir? You seem a
little nervous.

Uh, nervous?

Not nervous.

Are you playing squash again? I thought
Mondays were your squash nights.

Uh, yes. Well, I thought I'd play again
today.

Are you playing with anyone special?

No. What makes you think that?

Pink doesn't suit you, sir.

Yes, thank you, Mandy.

Thank you.

Mandy? Yes, sir?

What colours do you suit me? Oh, well,
I've always fancied you. I mean, I've

always liked you in brighter colours.

Really?

So, if you and I were out on a date,
what would you dress me up in?

I'll get that.

How's my ragamuffin?

You must be Mandy.

Mandy, Dr. Rebson, Dr. Rebson, Mandy.

Patricia.

I left my towel in your flat last night.
Did you bring it?

Towel?

What towel?

Oh, come on, Michael.

How could you miss it? It's a bright
pink bath towel.

Oh, that towel. Yes, yes.

I left it in the bag. Well done, Raga.
Patricia.

Mandy, will that be all?

Yes, would sir like the blue copy or the
pink?

That's better.

Okay, are you ready?

For what?

Squash. And suffer with your parents.

Listen, what should I wear tonight?

Will it be formal?

No, no, no. Look, wear anything.

Look, it's just my mother cooking some
food. It's no big deal, okay?

Michael, she invited me to dinner.

I feel odd. I've only known you a couple
of weeks.

I'm surprised she waited that long.

Look, are you all right? I just want to
show you off a bit.

Show me off a bit?

What am I, a pedigree dog?

I'm not going to beat my chest and drag
you by your hair. If you want me to

check it, check it. If you want me to
check it...

30 years is a long time to be with the
same person.

Hmm, perhaps.

So what's their secret?

Ah, believe it or not, they talk things
through.

Really? Yes, my mother does all the
talking, my father sits through it.

Sounds like my kind of woman.

Oh, come on, Desmond, you're not...

be here soon.

We've got plenty of time.

Besides, I've only just started this.

You are going to behave yourself
tonight.

Oh, best behavior, Charlotte.

What do you think of my dress?

What about it?

Do you think I look all right?

You look fabulous.

Why did you pause when you said that?
Pause?

What pause?

This dress don't suit me, does it? You
look fine, sir.

A minute ago it was fabulous. Now it's
only fine.

You're not even fabulous. What's the
difference?

What's the difference?

It's like telling somebody the shirt
button's undone when it's actually the

flies.

I don't like it when you're in this
mood.

I'm not in a mood.

You always fall over when you get in
these moods.

When you ask me things like what shall I
wear and what do I look like, it

usually means that you feel terrible,
and anything that Desmond says, you'll

disagree. I do not. Oh, yes, you do. I
do not. Oh, yes, you do. Oh, yes, you

Oh, no, I do not. Oh, yes, you do. No, I
do not. Oh, yes, you do. I thought you

two were going out. Oh, yes, we are. Oh,
no, we're not. Oh, yes, we are. Oh, no,

we're not. Oh, yes, you are.

This is Michael's dinner with his
parents.

Oh, I don't have to go out. I live here.
Michael don't. Come on, Mum. We just

want to see what the dot looks like.

Her name is Patricia.

And if you are going to meet her, I
suggest you go inside and put on

decent. I am decent.

Well, Sean's cap isn't.

So go and take it off.

Well, how come in these days of sexual
equality it's still a crime for a man to

wear a hat indoors?

Oh, come on, let's go. We're not wanted
here.

Yeah, I hope you make this much fuss
over me next time I bring a girl home.

Where are you going to find a girl
wearing a hat like that?

So, where do you want to go for your
anniversary tomorrow?

I've checked the piggy bank and the sky
is the limit.

Wherever you want to go, my angel, I'll
take you there.

No, no, you choose.

Well, it's my treat, so you should
decide.

Why? Because I'm paying.

So? Well, it's my treat.

Desmond, you make all the decisions in
this house. I just go along with them.

Well, no, I don't. I mean, well, I don't
tell you what dress to wear, for

example. So we back on the dress again.

You don't like me in this dress, do you?
You think I look drab, fat, and

miserable? I didn't say you look fat.

what you say is what you didn't say that
really matters. Look, in relationships,

there's certain things you say and
certain things you do not say.

For instance, I mean, I've never told
anybody how many times you fail your

driving test.

You're a wise young woman.

Why? You didn't fail once, but five
times.

When I wanted to learn to drive, you
wouldn't let me. Why? Because you're

frightened I would pass and make you
look stupid, which wouldn't be very

difficult.

I don't know why you're feeling
miserable all day.

Can you blame me?

Desmond, look, we've been married for 30
years.

How many times do you remember our
wedding anniversary, eh?

Once.

What do you want me to do?

Pat you on the back for that? Yes.

Come on, Mum, fill it up with an
uppercut and a... You stay out of this

to your rooms. What's the point? We can
still hear you from there.

Because of such a... Now see what you've
done. You've told the whole world... I

failed the driving test.

I mean, I can't be brilliant at
everything.

I mean, did you really want to know what
I think about that dress?

Desmond, I'm warning you. Don't you
dare. I could look better in a camping

on a pole with two pegs instead of on
you.

You, you, you, you apology for a barber.

Patricia, I'd like you to meet my
parents.

Would you like some potatoes, Patricia?

Yes, please. I love potatoes. So do I.

But I prefer rice.

Oh, sweet potatoes are nice and so are
yams.

Plantains are a bit heavy and could take
about a week to digest.

But you would know all about digestion,
wouldn't you, Patricia?

How different kinds of foods go down and
what causes them to come up.

Father, please be quiet. You're making
me feel ill.

Well, it's a good thing Patricia's here.

Don't you think so, sir?

Isn't it strange how much garbage men
can talk, Patricia?

Yes.

Isn't it strange just how badly some
parents can behave?

Yes.

Don't you look at me in that tone of
voice.

I can look at you any way I like.

Stop me looking at you.

This is my house.

Your house?

Since when has this been a house?

This is a flat, Desmond.

Just a figure of speech.

Well, you just figure out what you're
trying to say.

All right, premises, then.

Look, Father... Why shut up and eat your
food?

That's it. No, I'm sorry.

Michael, sit down and stop being
dramatic.

behave like your father.

Look, I think you both owe Patricia an
apology.

What for?

No, it's okay.

If this is what 30 years of happy
marriage is like, then this is a

experience. Experience is the right
word. Father, don't start. Start?

I could start anything I want.

I started this flat.

I started the shop.

I even started you.

anything you start.

That's true.

Well, let's just finish this argument
then.

Yes, Desmond, I think you ought to
apologize.

Apologize? I didn't start the argument.
It was you.

All I wanted to do was to take you out
for your 30th anniversary.

Now, all I could hear is about how fat
you is and about that stupid sack you

call a dress.

Why don't you just shut your mouth and
give your brains a chance?

If no one opened my mouth, I'll open my
mouth as wide as I want. Oh, please.

Um, I wonder if I might visit your
bathroom.

Yes. Yes, of course. That's all right.

I'll show her.

Oh, look what you've done.

I think I ought to go. No, don't. Look.

I'm sorry, OK? Look, I'll sort it out.
I'll smack their bottoms and send them

bed without any dinner, all right? Very
appropriate.

They're certainly behaving like children
at the moment.

What do you mean? My parents aren't
childish.

Oh, I'm sure they're not. But you must
admit that this is not the way civilised

people conduct themselves.

Oh, I see.

What you mean is this is not the way
doctors conduct themselves.

Well, maybe your parents are prim and
proper, but at least mine say what they

think. And they're entitled to behave
any way they want in their own house.

Flut!

And if you don't like it, come on, no!

You're just as bad as they are. And to
think you told me you had nothing in

common with your father.

Why, move from my face!

And let me go home.

Look, I'm sorry, OK? I'm really sorry,
Patricia.

Michael, don't tell me you're sorry.
Sorry? We haven't been introduced.

Patricia, I'm her sister Gloria, my
brother Sean.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

I'll see you downstairs.

Oh, what's up, Doc? Not now, Gloria.

She's nice.

Not like your usual boring types.

Yeah, imagine fit and... Sean.

Right, let's go and sort them out, shall
we?

I got you on that one.

No, you haven't. Oh, yes, I have. Quiet!

Right, Dad, come over here with me. Come
on.

Michael, you be referee and me and Sean
will get to the bottom of this.

Right, Dad, why does Mum get on your
nerves? She doesn't.

Tell him he gets on mine. All right,
Mum, we'll get to you in a minute. Yes,

at a time.

Well, it's basically her fault. Well, it
takes two to argue.

Oh, not your mother.

She can argue with herself happily all
day.

Be fair.

I mean, we all have our off days, but
when two people are having the same off

day, then that's way off.

I mean, today's been so off, it hasn't
been switched on.

Now, why don't you brighten up our day
and switch on Mum's light?

Well, I can't. I think she's blown her
bones out.

in a minute. That's the spirit.

All right.

Now, listen up, Mum. You're a good
-looking son talking to you, so you

listen up.

John, just caught the jive talk.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mum. OK, I'll get
straight to the point. Stop arguing

we're fed up of all the noise!

Now you know what it feels like. So what
are you going to do about it?

They will soon need some.

Happy anniversary!

Oh, thank you, darling.

Mmm, they smell wonderful, darling.

Happy anniversary, darling.

Oh.

Thank you, darling.

And to where would darling like to go
tonight?

To the moon, darling.

Oh, that comes afterwards.

I think I preferred it when you were
arguing, darlings.

Chocolate? You buy me chocolate?

What's wrong, darling?

Don't call me darling, Desmond.

Oh, you could buy me chocolate when you
know I'm trying to lose weight.

Well, I didn't know you was on a diet.

I told you yesterday.

But you weren't listening to me. You
never listened to me.

Well, how could I listen to you? You was
hollering at me.

Happy anniversary.

Here, a little something for you,
Cheryl.

Thank you, Matthew.

And this is for you, Cheryl.

Thank you. How come she get all the
presents?

What about me? Because she's your wife
and you're not.

Chocolates? Yes, my favorite.

Thank you, Popeye. It's the tart that
counts.

Or the calories that count.

My present is something a bit more
thoughtful.

Thank you.

Low -impact aerobics?

You think I need exercise?

Oh, yes.

What's great about this is that, I mean,
it's suitable for all ages, including

pensioners.

Right. Well, then, when you find a
pensioner, give it to her.

Michelle? You put them up to this,
didn't you?

What are you talking about? You know
what I'm talking about. Please tell me,

because I don't know. Neither do I.
She's the only one who knows what's

on. She?

Who you calling she?

She's the cat's mother. She has a name.

Well, I can think of half a dozen.

But I want to start now and embarrass
our friends. Your friends? Our friends.

Oh, my friends, why are you arguing?

I mean, it's your anniversary.

You shouldn't be doing this. I'm not
doing anything. It's her. Her. Stop it.

Stop it now.

You keep your nose out of this.

But I was just trying to. I didn't ask
you to try anything.

Well, I'm not going to. Well,

I know when I'm not wanted. Come on,
Matthew.

It's you they don't want.

Yes, could I speak to Dr. Patricia
Robeson, please?

Not on duty.

OK.

Thanks.

Women. Who needs them?

It's the woman with the loud bath towel,
sir.

Shall I show her in, or shall I tell her
to take a bath elsewhere?

No, no, no, show her in. This will only
be a very quick shower.

Thank you, Mandy.

Look, I'm sorry about last night. No,
I'm sorry.

I felt the evening was a disaster on my
part. I just wanted to go home and start

a new day.

If your parents want to have healthy
arguments around their own dinner table,

then so what?

At least they're honest.

And to think I was going to give you
your marching orders.

No, you weren't. You've been trying to
ring me all morning.

No, I haven't. Yes, you have.

So what are you waiting for?

Give me a kiss.

I'm in the bath.

What do you reckon, Sean? Shall we trade
these two in and get a pair of sporty,

sensible parents?

Well, I don't think anybody would have
them.

We could stop all this nonsense if he
would apologise.

I didn't start the argument. She did.

I don't care who started it. Someone's
got to finish it.

Poor pie.

Talk to them, man. See if you can talk
some sense into Dad's bonehead. Don't be

rude. Don't talk to me about being rude.

Now, listen up, you two.

People have accused me of being all
sorts of things in my lifetime.

Yes. All right, all right.

But stubbornness is not one of them.

That award goes to Desmond, who has
plenty enough for all of us.

Now, Shirley's a very proud person and a
very generous woman.

But when these two elements have a
fight, nobody wins.

So stop being so stupid. Give each other
a kiss and say happy anniversary.

All right, Matt, you can sit down. Come,
Bert.

Do your thing.

Call it a day, but before you walk away,
I sincerely

want to say I wish you

bluebirds in the spring to give your

heart a song to sing and then a kiss

and more than this.

I wish you love.

And in July, a lemonade

to cool you in some leafy glaze.

I wish you health and more than well.

I wish you love.

My breaking heart.

That you and I could never be.

So with my best, my very best, I'd set

you free.

I wish you shelter from a storm.

A cozy fire to keep you warm.

But most of all...

When snowflakes fall, I wish you

love.

Happy anniversary, Mother.

Oh, thank you, Michael and Patricia.

They're lovely.

Desmond, I promise never to mention your
driving lessons again for the next 30

years.

And I promise never to mention your
weight again.

Can I have the chocolate?

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