Original subtitles

From the long, hot night with an ocean breeze to the damp and to the rain of

London City.

We come from the sun to live in the cold, I miss Mirama, what my coconut

Let's keep the music sweet, wind up your waist and feel the air.

Come in, whoever you are.

You better have a good excuse for getting me out of my bed at this hour.

Wake me up from a beautiful dream.

Just as I was about to do something interesting with my wife.

Hi, Desmond.

So, so, it's me.

What are you doing here?

Is what kind of greeting is that?

My man come thousands of miles all the way from Jamaica.

I come to give a big surprise visit to my sister, her husband and family.

And all I get is, what you doing here?

It's two o 'clock in the morning.

There's man me know that.

Tell the plane that.

Is where me greeting then?

The next time you can kiss my back foot for what that was.

You see how you become Englishman now?

Shake one's hand and peck one on the forehead.

Whatever happened to hug, go, fun, kiss, or punting when you greet somebody?

Even Prince Charles rubbed nose and ting, but not Desmond Ambrose.

All right, all right, I'm sorry.

Oh, so you're sorry now?

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh.

Where are my sister?

Sure is, I'm sorry. Yes, I know.

She know.

That is the way we West Indians greet each other.

You look so well.

So young.

Tell me now what you're doing here.

Well, um...

in trouble?

Not no, anyway. Don't tell me a no. You'll kill your husband.

He and Maxwell divorced now, but he'd kill me if he found out.

You mean you don't know he divorced?

Of course.

Well, what is it?

Yes, Doreen.

You see, you're getting angry with me already and you don't even know what it

is.

You see, even your daughter knows how.

Mother, so just get on with it.

Well, um... I've eloped.

What? You do what?

Lord, surely I'm nice. You see, I'm in love.

What happened?

Well, um, we had to elope because of the complications it would cause back home.

First of all, him is very rich and me is poor.

A rich man? How lucky you.

Second, Maxwell.

Even though we divorced, that man would make my life a misery. So we had to come

to England to get married.

Oh, how romantic.

Is this a surprise, Ed Esmond?

Oh, yes. A surprise.

What's the name of this lucky man and where is he? His name is William, but I

call him Little Willie for short.

kind considerate, tall, dark, and handsome.

Everybody, this is my little Willie.

So, so, the man, I mean the boy is... So, so, you've gone too far this time.

Cheryl, say hello to Willie.

Hello.

Yes, young lady.

Doreen, you old enough to be his mother.

And he's young enough to be my boy.

Listen, I don't know what all the fuss is about. I thought, you know, being

English would be more broad -minded.

As soon as a woman wants to marry somebody younger than herself, everybody

create a song and dance about it and call him toy boy and all that nonsense.

Me and my little Willie is happy here.

I've never been so happy in my entire life.

Boy, you haven't even had a life yet.

He's going to have the time of his life with me.

I'm sure he is.

It'll open his attire in business.

So if you could show us a bed for dinner. Beds?

The two of you are sleeping in the same bed under my roof.

Well, not until you're married anyway.

William can have Sean's room. He's away for the week.

Soso, you can sleep in Gloria's room, and Gloria, you'll sleep on the sofa.

Go on, show them the way.

Follow me, William.

Listen,

Soso, I want to... Thank you, Cheryl.

I knew you wouldn't let me down.

Thank you, Englishman.

My sweet potato.

Good night, Dory.

All right, McGowan. Good night, Shirley.

Good night, Auntie Susu. Good night, Gloria.

Good night, Willie.

Good night, Gloria.

So far, Gloria.

with an 18 -year -old. What's wrong with me?

Old. That's what's wrong with you.

If I manage to pull an 18 -year -old bird at her age, I'll be well happy. So

will I.

Yes, ma 'am. Only hypothetical, of course, sir. Of course.

But let's face it, Popeye, you'll probably be dead long before she even

of loving you. What do you know about Susu? A lot, remember?

We became very intimate on her last visit. All right.

Just because she became a little friendly, you don't have to rub it in.

It was she who likes to be rubbed.

Just kidding.

Spare his feelings, Matthew.

Never mind, Popeye. One of these days, you'll meet somebody.

I don't want somebody.

I want her buddy.

Now, listen, Popeye.

You don't have to take it so personally.

We all know it ain't gonna last.

Susu's never managed to stick at anything.

She'll probably be bored within a month or two.

What I want to know is, what do they talk about?

Use your loaf tone, me old son.

They don't need many words, do they?

No, no, no.

After that, then what do they talk about?

I mean, her references are going to be completely different to his. There's got

to be a good, what, 20 years between them? More like 60, maybe.

Well, people will always find something to talk about.

So where are these two kids, then?

Upstairs, sleeping off jet lag.

I've just bumped into Gloria. Is it true that Susan is... Yes.

And that he's... Yes.

But that they're going to get... Yes.

She's gone mad. Yes.

Susu and a toy boy. His name is William, and William has never been spelt T -O

-Y -B -O -Y.

You should know that M -I -C -H -A -E -L.

Sorry, Susu.

Auntie Susu.

Right, now listen, everybody.

We made a wedding arrangement.

Michael, you can be the best man, and Desmond will give the blushing bride

We want you all to be dear, and that includes you, Matthew.

You're still around, Popeye.

Right. Michael, since you is the best man, you will have to pay the registrar,

so I need 50 pounds now to be able to...

We also need a whip around for these stag and hen nights.

It's all right.

I'll get it. Thank you, Michael.

I thought you said your Willie is wealthy.

He is.

It's just that him don't inherit it until him 21.

When he does, he'll fear your back.

Come on, Willie.

Susu, I have to talk to you.

Susu, how did she come back, woman?

It's strong enough that she expects us to pay for it all. Me, Lee, me.

Looks like you've been conned, Michael, my son.

Don't remind me.

You ignored me.

Well, there's an old Gambian saying.

Only a foolish rhinoceros will allow its tail to be stepped on twice.

Think about it.

You have just given me an idea, my friend.

Your friend?

Only for the moment.

sight him at the hotel bar.

I did think, eh, eh, Susu, this boy nice, you see.

I did think, you must be mad.

Not only that, the two young receptionists was rolling them eyes at

I wanted to poke them in the eye.

I don't know what possessed me, but when him turn round and I see him bottom,

I knew what I had to do. I just walk over to it.

I told him to buy me a drink.

So how could you?

If you saw him, little bottom, you would know how.

You know what? Sometimes when you see a little baby's bottom, you just half

invite it.

Well, I do.

I'm just a bottom woman.

part of a man's body.

Oh, Louise, what's wrong with men's faces?

Everything. Have you ever tried to kiss a blunt with two days' growth on his

chin? It's like kissing a hedgehog.

Oh, Mum, is it like kissing Dad with a moustache?

Oh, well, it tickles at first, but then you get used to it.

Until he starts ranting and raving, then he looks like Adolf Hitler.

Come on, Susan, what's the next?

Well, he was so shocked by what I'd done that he bought me a drink. And then it

happened. Talk about fast work, huh? Sorry.

Not that.

That didn't happen until later. I'm talking about it.

It? Yes.

that madness when it doesn't seem to matter, when it's just you and him at

hotel bar and the whole world just disappears, including the receptionist

the funny eyes.

Love at first sight. I wish it would happen to me. Oh, don't worry, Gloria.

Plenty of it will come your way.

Seriously, though, Susu, you're taught about the consequences.

Well, I like him and he loves me.

And even if it don't last, I'm going to have a good, good time whilst it does.

Just as long as you're happy.

I am. I am.

Welcome to Aunty Susu and Uncle Willie.

Cheers.

OK.

I'm going to answer the question you're all down to ask, but dare not to.

What's it like with a younger man?

Do you look in front of the children?

Surely. They're no longer children.

Them know what me a chat bout.

Well, the answer is that being with a younger man is no different from being

with an older man.

They're both the same.

Except one is younger.

Well, since I'm paying for these drinks, I suppose we better propose a toast to

William and Sisu.

Won't I pick up your glass?

Why? Because Michael is paying for the drinks.

He's behaving like a six -year -old, which makes little Willie over there

an adult by comparison.

I propose the toast to William and Thuthu.

May they be happy in their endeavours. They're already happy in their

endeavours. Aye, Willie boy.

Well, I hope they have a long and happy marriage. Cheers.

Cheers.

William, you know marriage isn't easy, especially with Susu. We'll try and make

a go of it.

Toy boy, you don't know what it's like to live with a woman.

Neither do you.

Ah, but I did know what it was like, and it wasn't very nice.

What I'm trying to say is that marrying and living with somebody makes you see

different sides of them.

Me hope so.

No, you will see sides you won't like.

You don't want to see.

Popeye, why are you trying to poo -poo the idea of marriage?

I'm not pooing anything.

Yes, you are.

Let me find out about the bits that Sophie don't like. That shouldn't take

I thought you

struck a winner there, eh, Willie?

not going to last.

If it ever gets off the ground.

Don't be like that, pork pie.

Man's stagnant. Man's entitled to one last flirt on his last night.

I wish you would flirt, Michael.

That boy's a danger to women.

He could have a government health warning around his neck.

Hey, listen, Dave.

You've never got it, mate.

Oh, you ain't.

What do you think I just say?

I know what everybody will be thinking.

So I just want to look my best and make sure that my little Willie look good

too.

So what you gonna wear?

I was thinking of wearing a mini skirt and a red top. Mini skirt and red top?

No, you can't. You look like a... Like what?

Like the wrong combination.

You feel?

That's why I thought I'd put myself in your capable hands, Cheryl.

I know you have always had a good eye for color and coordination.

No, sister!

No, sister!

No, you're in. I am wearing this dress today.

Oh, don't get annoyed with me, Cheryl.

It's on the day of my wedding.

You know how upset and nervous me is already and you get angry.

You know how I...

You can borrow the dress.

What do you say, my loving sister Cheryl? Stop your foolishness and put

dress on.

This dress is going to look wicked on me.

You haven't changed, have you?

Always get everything you want.

Even back to when we were children.

If I had any sweets, I had to share them with you. Otherwise you turn on the

tears and tell everybody I hate you.

You're my sister, but I'm always bailing you out.

I wonder if I needed you as much as you need me. Would you be there? Of course I

will, Cheryl.

The trouble with you is that you will never need my help.

You're not the sort of person whose life is a shambles like mine.

You're my only sister.

I don't mean to be the way I am.

It just happens.

You can borrow the dress.

As a matter of fact, you can keep it.

Call it my wedding present.

Thank you, Cheryl.

That woman has spent £40 on flowers without telling anybody.

You said it, Michael. That woman is going to be Willie's wife very soon. The

sooner, the better.

I can see this wedding is going to get off to a flying start.

The wedding is going to be fine.

It's everybody around it I'm worried about.

Well, then I think you'd better keep quiet and speak when you're spoken to.

Sorry, Mr. Allen.

That's better.

Same pork pie.

Why don't you just rest yourself and retire gracefully? Because the best man

win. No contest.

Why, you little... Put your fists up. I can still give you a few licks. And get

some licks as well. Pork pie, why you don't sit down and take the weight off

your trousers before they do your senior surgery?

And little Willie, I think you ought to apologize to pork pie. I'm sorry, pork

pie. Mr. Grant. Mr. Grant.

I've listened to all your rude remarks and taken it.

You can't even bother to be rude behind my back.

Well, I've just about had enough of it. Why sit there? You don't be stupid. I

mean, what in God's name is going on?

I have a young man who prefers an older woman and an old man who wants to be

young so he can attract a woman as old as he is.

What on earth are you wearing, Popeye?

You look like John Travolta in drag.

Have you taken a look at yourself in the mirror recently?

Not exactly the height of fashion.

How you like it?

You look wonderful, okay?

All right, let's get in the car and get this thing over and done with. Not so

fast.

Hey, Susu, my little chick.

What, pork pie, my little twerp?

You look more beautiful with each passing day.

You do it.

So, Susu, you sure you're not gonna change your mind and marry a man of

experience?

You know what them said, poor pie?

Innocence is bliss.

Then I've got something that is going to make you change your mind.

Don't bother. I've seen it before.

What's that?

William and a strange woman dancing on his stag night.

So? So they were lambada -ing, if you know what I mean.

If it gave her a cheap thrill.

Good. It only goes to prove I'm marrying a sexy man.

Did you dance with anybody, poor pie?

No. I rest my case.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Harlequin Suite here at Southwark Town

Hall, where we're gathered to witness and celebrate the marriage of Mr William

Nelson Peters to Miss Doreen Wilma Plachette.

Another one bites the dust.

Or Susu bites his bum.

What do you reckon, Mike Nelson?

I'll give you three to one, it's over in two months.

Five to one.

Oh, you drive a hard bargain.

All right, five to one. Done.

Yeah, lovely.

I'll have some of that. Lovely.

Who will I?

Don't insult me tenpence.

You're insulting me.

This is supposed to be my sister's wedding, not the Grand National.

I must ask, if there is anyone here in this room...

who has or knows of any legal reason why these two shall not be joined in

marriage, please speak now or forever hold your peace.

Aye.

Now then, I would ask you, Mr William Nelson Peters, to repeat after me the

following vows of matrimony.

Stop!

Mummy!

So you think you're smart, Williams?

You think you're going to marry to a woman who favors cow foot?