All language subtitles for Desmonds s02e11 Kung You

From the long hot night with an ocean
breeze to the damp and to the rain of

London City.

We come from the sun to live in the
cold, I'm in the room, I want my coconut

tree.

Don't touch my sofa, till the party's
over.

Let's keep the music sweet, wind up your
waist and feel the heat.

I know you can box, so box with yourself
in the mirror and leave my shadow

alone.

Come on, Ellie, how did you get on last
night, then, mate? How'd I get on?

What do you mean, how'd I get on?

Well, that seemed like a very simple
question to me. Did you win or did you

lose? Look at my face, Cheryl.

Pretty as the day I was born.

Does this look like the face of a loser?

I hate him so hard he won't be able to
sit down for a week. What does Chetty

Long have to do with boxing?

Well, he hit the deck so many times,
he's probably got a very bruised bottom,

Des. I thought Popeye was supposed to be
with you. Yeah, well...

Well, don't just stand there. Give me a
hand.

You look as if you've been six rounds
with Lee.

Well, I thought the idea was that you
timed Lee while he did the running.

Well, we managers must be able to keep
up with our boys.

Manager? Since when did you become my
manager?

You see, I became your manager and you
didn't even know it.

That's your strategy, the element of
surprise.

I don't need a manager.

That's not what you said last night.

It was I that got the crowd behind you.

I managed to get them going when I
shouted, come on, the Peckham Prince

give you a lick.

They joined him with that? Yeah, man.

Well, they're even more stupid than you,
Popeye.

Doesn't mean you should have seen him
last night.

The man did some fancy footwork even
Fred Astaire would have problems with.

If it's final between him and Bobby the
Brute, the Prince will take the crown,

Ellie. Of course I will.

Listen, Des, my old son, I've got a
couple of tickets here. Oh, come on,

it's the final, mate.

Ringside seats.

Pay for a score.

What do you say, eh? Do we speak the
same language or what? Er, I'll have to.

No, Desmond, that's a lot of money to
pay to see someone getting beaten up.

Well, not really, Cheryl. It's about the
average price for entertainment

nowadays. Would you call that
entertainment?

Well, I just want to see a good man win.

Oh, look, Cheryl, before you give in
such a downer...

Boxing's a noble art of self -defense.

Professional boxing has a reputation of
plucking down and out yobbos and making

them into somebody.

It didn't do that for me, because I knew
I was somebody the day I was born.

Oh, look, Shell.

Before you knock it right, do me a
favor.

Please come to the fight.

This is my big chance, Shell.

Really break my heart if you weren't
there to see me win.

What do you say, Shell?

It's only going to cost you 20 quid.

I can't just sit there and watch
somebody trying to beat you up. Oh, I

Yeah, sit me down for two, will you,
mate?

Don't let me stand in your way, Desmond.

All right. I'll have two tickets,
please.

Two? Yes, for me and my mistress.

What are the bookies giving on your
beating Bobby the Brute?

Well, the bookies have it that he's
favourite.

Two to one him, five to one me.

I'm going to beat him, aren't I? Five to
one, I'm going to have some of that.

All right.

Desmond, look. You can bet on horses,
dogs, sheep, cows or crabs for a while.

But you can't bet on people damaging
each other.

Give it back.

Give it back!

Thank you, Matthew, thank you.

You were there when I needed a crutch.
Well, I'm glad I offered you mine. I'm

sure you are.

You'd never believe what happened to me.

Oh, take your time. We got all day. I
mean, was it a book?

A play?

A song?

Desmond, this is a very serious matter.

Go on, Beverly.

Well, I had just come out of the
supermarket and I was taking a shortcut

the car park.

You know the one, Cheryl, where the
broken paving stone I tripped and

hand for this?

As I progressed towards the street, a
hand grabbed me from behind and tried to

steal my bag.

Oh, for one, I was dried to the ground.

And I mash up me glasses.

Two people pass by and never do a thing.

Not a thing.

Maybe they thought he was trying to help
you. Yeah, he was trying to help

himself to her money.

Sometimes you can misread situations.

Yeah, now, how we mean, Popeye? Oh, you
do. I mean, you're the kind of person

who would pass your fellow woman by. I
mean, what is this world coming to when

being mugged is seen as being helped?
Then what happened?

I screamed.

I don't know about you, Des, but I'd run
past if I heard a scream like that.

The girl run away.

Girl? Girl?

That's sexual equality for you.

Did she get away with anything?

No. Well, some pills on Cotbutt's
dinner.

She couldn't take anything else because
I keep my money in a hidden place.

Ah, yes, yes. Well, I think you better
keep that place hidden.

You see, Cheryl, that's why you need to
come to the fight next week.

Pick up a few tits. Make sure this sort
of thing doesn't happen to you.

Don't you have to face your opponent
when you're boxing?

Yeah. Well, she was attacked from
behind.

All right, quite taken.

Beverly, why don't you go upstairs and
find Gloria? She'll make you some tea.

Oh, thank you, Shirley.

I couldn't go home.

I had to tell somebody.

Oh, of course you did.

Gloria, look after Beverly, please.

Look, I'm off. You be lucky now, all
right? Yeah, the friends. Yeah.

Yeah.

It's Mr. Wu.

Good afternoon, Mr. Desmond and Mrs.
Shirley.

Call me Shirley, Mr. Wu.

Yes, Mrs. Shirley.

Hello, Mr. Wu.

How are you?

Fine, Mr. Desmond.

And how's business?

Business is fine, Mr. Desmond.

Why, I'm Chinese really polite, am I
not, you? I was only joking when I said

chow mein was greasy the other night.

I know.

How can we help you, Mr. Wu?

I don't need any help. It's my uncle. He
needs help, Mr. Shirley.

My uncle needs a haircut.

You see, he just come from Hong Kong.

And this afternoon, he has an interview
for an important job.

Important job?

I'll give him an important haircut.

This one's important.

Anything I should do? No, no, no. I want
Mr. Desmond to do it.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Wu.

What kind of a haircut would he like?

Oh, Mr. Desmond Special.

Mr. Desmond Special?

Yes, short back and side.

I'll need my uncle in your capable
hands, Mr. Desmond.

So until later, Mrs. Child. Ciao.

Men!

Not among us, either.

He can barely climb onto the chair.

I wonder how important this job of his
is.

Well, there is an old African saying.

Do not judge a book by the color of its
skin.

Are you sure that's right? Of course.

He's as African as I am. What it means
is that a man may seem frail, but

amazing enough strength.

Or may seem intelligent and talk amazing
bilge.

What's wrong with you?

Speak English?

Listen,

uncle. I just want to cut your...

What kind of a job is he going for if he
can't speak English?

Listen,

mate, I think he's trying to tell you
something. And I thought he wanted to

dance.

I think he's trying to... Now look here,
this is my shop, and I know how to deal

with my customers, of which you happen
to be one.

So shut your mouth, keep your mouth
shut, or get out of my shop right now.

out of this.

You can speak his language?

Yeah, Cantonese.

I don't believe you.

You make it up.

Alright,

alright. Prove it.

Tell him to stand up and put his fingers
in his ears.

You must never judge a book by the
colour of its skin.

He wants you to use a pair of scissors.

Oh, I see. All right, all right. Now,
listen, tell me, what is this important

job he's going for?

Teaching English at the local

school.

Oh, hello, Mr Simmons.

Oh, hello, Louise.

You know him? Yeah. Harry teaches self
-defense down at the local community

center. Oh, does he now? How come he
never told me about it before?

Because you wasn't interested.

Well, I am if he's going to teach me. So
am I.

You're much too young, Beverly.

No, I'm interested in learning martial
arts, self -defense.

It's a bit late for that.

It's never too late. I don't want
anybody to mug me, and I'd feel much

I knew how to defend myself.

I mean, the trouble with this martial
arts rubbish is that it's too

I mean... Somebody come up to mug you
and say, no, don't do that. Stop it.

I am proficient in martial arts.

Then if he or she... Oh, point taken. If
he or she still wants to mug you, you

just go into this... By which time
they're gone with your money.

You know, it always makes me laugh when
them Kung Fu men go in to fight each

other. They put out their hands and
shout, I always want to say, I'm all

How are you?

Don't mock what you don't understand.

You know what I mean, Matthew?

Well, there's an old African saying...
We don't want to hear any old Africans

saying anything.

Well, when do you run these classes?

Oh, we run some women's class Tuesday
nights, don't you, Mr Simmons?

Uh, yeah.

You know, you should try it, Mr
Danbrough. It's very useful.

Oh, I'd like to try it. So would I.

Aren't I too old for that kind of thing?

No, it's for all ages.

Um, can I come too? No, it's strictly
for the birds.

Mr Simmons.

Could you give us a little demonstration
so we can find out more about it? Well,

I could come round tonight.

What? Perfect.

You'd give up your shop for an evening,
wouldn't you, Desmond?

Mrs. Simmons, what is the Cantonese for
over my dead body?

Dong yi no po.

Dong yi no po.

So, Louise, what's the first rule?

You have to know how to fall correctly.

Oh, I could fall for him any day. He's
just like a little action man, isn't he?

Oh, Gloria.

OK, Louise?

Right. So let's just say, then, that I'm
walking down the street and someone

tries to attack me from behind.

A bit like what happened to Beverly.

Can't see downstairs and round the
corner.

You're supposed to listen to what
they're doing.

Look, all I'm hearing is, Hi -ya, why
-ya, hi -ya, why -ya.

Yes, mother, we must let the women
practice in peace.

Why? Well, because... Well, because they
have forbidden us to go downstairs.

But that is my shop they're practicing
in. It comes so pretty past when a man

can't even go into his own shop. I'm not
standing for it. Go downstairs and see

what the women are doing.

Well, as you said, it's your shop. Why
don't you go?

All right, I will.

In a minute.

You're afraid of her? I'm not afraid.
Yes, you are. Are you afraid? Nope.

Well, you go down there. All right, I
will.

Why am I going? It's you who want to
find out.

Get your backside down them stairs.

All right.

Matthew, you sure you know how to fill
out the betting slips?

Well, I'm going to... I'll show him.

Mark, go down there.

All right.

Right. I know how to fill it in.

It's only the jargon I'm not familiar
with.

I mean, what does each way mean?

I thought horses only ran one way.

I didn't realize they ran back as well.

Each way means if you think the horse is
going to come second or third.

We're not talking about horses.

We're talking about Lee.

Well, in that case, I think I'll put
five pounds on Lee each way.

Five pounds each way on Lee? In boxing,
you don't come second?

Ten, Popeye.

Well, you see, it's just that there's no
one to know how much float he has in

the till. He knows how much he got in
the till. It's 30 pounds.

Yes, I know. He just want me to check it
again.

Go and sit down, Popeye.

Surely, but I... And don't move.

Stop.

Hi. Hi.

What's keeping Popeye?

I can't hear a thing.

Go down there and see what's keeping
Popeye. But Desmond, no men are allowed.

Go down there and see why Popeye is not
up here.

Desmond, what am I going to say when I
interrupt their class?

Well, just tell them you're looking for
Popeye.

Now, you try.

Oh, no.

Wait till I tell Cuck but this.

Now, wait. Wait a minute.

I think we need a volunteer for this,
don't we, Belle?

Yes, we do.

Pork pie?

Who, me? You must be mad.

I don't want you to touch me with that
stick.

There's your volunteer.

Well, I will gladly be of any
assistance.

What do you want?

Well, Desmond has sent me to come and
see what's happened to pork pie.

Men. I just can't stand it when women
decide to do their own thing.

might ridicule it, but deep down they're
jealous of what they're missing out on.

Matthew, I want you to attack me.

You'll be having like a par -bear with a
sore head.

It's not my head, Beverly, it's... Don't
do the kung fu.

Oh, that's it, I've got your drift.

You're scared if you get a bit lippy,
Cheryl just might karate chop you and

sling you over a rig.

No, I just don't like the idea of grown
-up women fighting. You just don't like

the idea of your territory being
invaded, Dave.

Month.

What you're saying is, it's all right
for you to go and watch Lee fight, but

it's not all right for your wife to take
steps... to stop her being beaten up by

a mother.

No, no, I don't mean that. I mean you
have my blessing to do kung fu. You can

kung fu till the cows come home.

Two teas and toast, please, Cheryl.

Hi! Cheryl, you just take your time for
yourself.

I don't want to be kung fu'd, just
teased and toasted.

You won't hit a man when he's down,
would you?

Two teas and toast coming up.

Did you put on the bet?

Yes, I did.

The woman behind the chair kept saying
five to one.

At first I thought she meant the time,
but it's only 10 o 'clock.

In the end, I just gave her the money
and she handed me the ticket.

Ah, good.

We are going to win.

You know when I know I'm going to win
money?

No, I'll never guess.

When the backs of my legs are itchy.

And how are they today?

Good afternoon, sir. Welcome to
Desmond's Beauty

Salon. He needs a beauty farm.

So? I said, uh, it's very warm.

No, it's not. It's raining.

We like the rain.

It must be the only fault it does.

And,

uh,

and what would sir like?

So we're like a Desmond special.

You see, it's getting around.

Yeah. I look rough, tough and ugly.

Oh, that won't be hard.

What? Well, I said that wouldn't be
difficult to do.

And what is Sir's line of business?

What's it to you?

Ah, nothing. It just helps to park the
time. You know what they say? A

hairdresser can be a man's best friend.

They should say an hairdresser is a nosy
basket.

I'll tell you anyway.

I'm a boxer.

They call me the brute.

You heard of me?

Ah, yes.

Yeah, yeah.

Tomorrow night I'm fighting some punks
who calls himself the Peckham Prince.

When I'm finished with him, he won't
have a face left to put a name on

he done was crazy.

Matthew, I think you better go and get
your money back.

Yes!

You idiot!

Desmond, Desmond, I tried to get the
money back from the betting shop. But

don't. I mean, you would think a big
organization like that would give back a

measly five pounds to a customer who
wasn't satisfied with his purchases. Oh,

yes, and what organization are we
talking about here?

The one that don't give you back your
money. Yeah, yeah, yeah, most

organizations, Cheryl.

Don't you mean the ones that don't give
you your money back once you place the

bet? I mean, it's so, so stupid they
wouldn't give you the money back, even

though the fight hasn't started yet.

Thank you, Matthew.

You know what I think? Yes, I know.

This self -defense has unleashed a beast
in me.

I'm not free to walk the street.

Beverly, what, you get mugged again?

No, I mugged him.

I did a this and a that and a that, and
he fly over my shoulders.

Trying to mug you?

No, he came up behind me to try and help
me carry Cotbot's fish.

And before I knew what I was doing, I
remember Mr.

Simmons training and... Crash, bam, ba
-dow!

What has happened to my boy?

I think I'll leave him in a state of
shock.

Oh, look at the state of me!

My handbag, Roy, my shirt... All right,
Beverly, you go upstairs, have a wash,

and make yourself some tea. Oh, thank
you, Shirley.

You see how dangerous this martial arts
can be?

And you wouldn't even allow Lee to
practice the noble art of boxing.

Lee! Lee!

You better prove it.

That's it. Mock me.

I thought your fight wasn't until
tomorrow.

Well, it won't be now because I've
dislocated my shoulder.

You see? That's what comes from training
without your manager.

So, uh, what happened, Lee?

Well, I was...

I was spying in the gym this afternoon,
you know. And I thought I'd take out

some of my aggression on my spying
partner. Show him what I was going to do

the brute.

Well, we'd done a couple of rounds and I
was doing the old one too.

And I slipped on a wet patch, dislocated
my shoulder and bumped my eye in the

corner of the road.

Oh, poor boy.

You must be in a state of shock.

Well, I feel a lot better with a cup of
tea and some dumplings, shall I?

Well, you just go upstairs, relax, and
I'm sure Beverly will make you a cup of

tea.