Original subtitles

From the long hot nights with an ocean breeze, to the damp and to the rain of

London City.

We come from the sun to live in the cold, I'm in the room, I want my coconut

free.

Let's keep the music sweet, wind up your waist and feel the heat.

The Peckham Symphony start early this morning, boy.

But Graham has no time, Desmond.

Oh, that's a good slogan, Matthew.

Maybe we could use that for our new neighbourhood watch scheme. No, no, no,

Say it yourself, she's. You ain't got fortune.

This world is a funny place, you know.

The government spends millions of pounds of taxpayers' money to advertise the

fact that thieves steal millions of pounds every year from the likes of us.

So we pay to advertise something we already know.

The teas keep on teething. The advertisers keep on advertising.

Everybody makes money apart from us.

The thing is that there is such an open display of wealth nowadays, especially

in the Southeast.

It's like dangling a carrot in front of the noses of the more impoverished.

Matthew and I were having a discussion about it. You see, there is something

between those two types of therapists.

The people who make the biggest fortunes are those thieves in the city. Just

because they wear pinstripe suits and bowler hats, no one suspects them. Yeah,

me know about them.

You do?

Now, that surprised me. Yeah, man.

Them is the ones who do things inside.

Don't you mean inside the dealers, yeah? Yeah.

They steal billions, mate.

Well, you can hardly compare a peckham criminal to a kitty criminal.

Crime is crime, right?

Whether you wear a balaclava or a bowler hat, them is guilty.

The motive that drives your city slicker, earning 200 ,000 a year, is

different to what drives your peck -on -plate pocket on the dole. And I

disagree. Because if you leave your car unlocked long enough, they'll both drive

it away.

Listen,

now that's why I call a friend.

The man is teaching my customers. Yeah, that's what's called inside a slip -in,

James.

Beckham's Symphony is getting louder.

It's beginning to sound like the 1812 Overture.

All right, all right, Porkpie. There's enough noise

outside without you making more inside as well.

I really like that tune, you know. That is a hard tune.

I never would have guessed you'd like that tune, you know, Porkpie. When I saw

you in full swing just then, I said to myself, Lee, Porkpie really like that

tune, you know.

Would you like to read my paper?

Yes, thanks, mate.

Why, think nothing of it.

It's nice to meet young people who like to expand their minds.

Next. Yes, you.

Good morning, sir.

Welcome to Desmond's Hair Waves.

Today you'll be flying clipper class.

So pass in your seatbelts.

I don't know.

And to be perfectly honest with you, I don't care.

I'm going home to bed.

I had my fair share of the war last night.

I thought the policeman was always on duty.

Yeah, but the trick is to get from the factory... Factory? The police station,

please. To get from there to home without seeing any violations along the

which ain't half difficult in Peckham.

Certain things you have to let go. Pretend you've never seen them. But

mostly minor offences.

Yeah, but don't you get withdrawal symptoms, Ned? You know, turn the blind

I thought your motto was, you know, if it moves, nick it. Oh, very funny.

If I have any more of your cheek, I'd have to live up to that motto.

No, truly, I just popped in to tell Michael that I'm not going to be able to

make the cricket match on Sunday.

I have to be on duty for the game against Millwall and West Ham at the

Rather you than me, mate.

I thought Millwall was changing the image.

Well, they've got a crush now. A crush?

You mean we subsidising their kids by building a crush?

While the real children are on the football ground fighting each other?

What is this word I'm into?

Can you imagine the sort of kids in that creche?

Little hooligans with bobber boots and t -shirts saying, get to go with your toy

or I'll kick you in the pampers.

Next.

I'm waiting for him.

So am I.

Leaps.

I want a word.

I was only joking about the motto, Nev. You know what they call me? Cheeky Lee.

Look, Nev.

If you want to talk to me about those electric kettles, I had no idea they

didn't eat up.

I mean, how was I supposed to know the heating element was missing?

Come on, I've got my reputation to think about. They call me Bargain Lee.

Fearless is my game. Cheekness is my name.

And they call me Honest Nev.

I'm the Lev.

It's not about that.

Ain't it?

What's it about, then?

Uh... You don't know why I could get two cheap tickets to Barbados in September,

do you? See?

It's my middle name.

I know. I won't be grinding.

Here's the chorus.

You hoo -hoo, we count two hoo -hoo.

It'll sound as if you're crying.

That's never going to win the Peckham local radio jingle competition.

It fits the tune, Sean.

But it'll ruin my track.

Look, judging from your virtuoso performance on the old keyboards last

couldn't have done much worse.

My tune needs a special ingredient.

We're making a jingle, Sean, not cookie -nacky and saltfish.

And we've got better things to do.

So that's clear to hear. Come, come.

An L2, an R -Man is only one station when you're in your car.

It's Kiki, y 'all.

They get bigger and stronger whilst I get weaker.

Now hold your feet. A tart should never rise.

I'm sorry, she did.

Thank you.

this morning.

I nearly had a heart attack. Does what?

What did the doctor have to say about your mouth?

Nothing wrong with me mouth.

It's funny how there's never anything wrong with she mouth.

That's because it gets plenty of exercise.

And it's funny how the mouth is the only part of the body you two ever seem to

use.

Hello, mother.

I'll tell you what, it's absolute chaos on the high street. The police have

cordoned off the post office.

That's right.

Dives will nearly kill me.

Beverly, what are you talking about? Oh, Michael, you should have seen it.

Beverly, I have just come from it. No, in the post office.

I was there.

You see, I normally go to the post office on Wednesday morning.

That's because our Monday is too crowded.

So I think Wednesday is a better day.

to the point, Beverly.

How come you like to ruin a good story, eh? Who are you with your man?

Anyway, I'm standing in this long, long queue this Wednesday and I think to

myself, how come this queue's so long?

When all of a sudden, two boys at a queue at another chaos, which was even

longer than mine, pull out a gun and put on them balaclavas.

Them say them want the money from the till.

Them tell everybody

Hit the deck.

I couldn't get down as fast as everybody else because of my bad back.

Anyway, the man behind the counter, he wouldn't give them any money, so them

panic and run out the shop empty -handed.

But I tell you something, balaclava or no balaclava, I would recognize them

through anywhere.

And how is that?

Well, them was wearing training shoes like...

I'm not your son, right?

I look nothing like your son.

Thank God for that.

Because he's one ugly individual.

It takes one to know one, love.

Don't you dare call my wife ugly.

Why not? I'm sure you have.

Well, I might have, but that's my business.

You mean you call me ugly, Desmond?

No, not really, Shirley. It's just a figure of speech.

You hear that, Shirley?

Him say, not really.

Him never say...

that if I were you? Beverly, I know what he said.

Shut up, I've heard enough.

Now, look here.

It's fair enough having to lie on the floor like some animal without you

insulting my mother and father into the bargain.

What have we got here? Some toffee, no dick, eh?

You must be the son, I'll take it. Yeah, that's right.

Well, sit up. Let's have a look at you.

Now, that's what I call ugly.

I refuse to lie here like this any longer.

If you don't like it, you'll have to shoot me.

But you, young abstract, don't know what you're doing anyway.

As you say in Africa, if you try to look into a bottle with both eyes, you just

get your nose stuck.

I like that. Yes, that's right.

If I was your age, I'd give you a damn good beating.

Well, you're not, are you? So shut up. You think a little boy like you

me with your bitter?

And do you think you frighten me?

No.

Sit down.

Well, I was just going to sit down.

Look,

let's get out of here. No.

Not until we've got some money. Get the chill.

What? You heard the chill.

I wouldn't bother if I was you. And I'd be quiet if I were you.

Today's Wednesday.

We know that. Business is slow on Wednesday.

All right, turn your pockets out.

Oh, for God's sake. Look, I don't know how much you think you're going to get.

This is Peckham and people don't carry much money in Peckham. If we had any

money, we wouldn't be living in Peckham.

That's right, you tell them, Cheryl.

No wonder you haven't got any money.

You spend it all on pills.

You take so many, I bet you rattle. You're a downer.

Well, she's got to find something to do with her mouth when she ain't talking.

Yes, man.

I couldn't help that, sir. I just couldn't.

Bingo. I thought you said no one in Peckham had money. He lives in Croydon.

Is how long you going to keep me here?

I hope it's not after six o 'clock because I have my tonic to take and I

home. You're a whooping chemist, love.

to be your love.

Let's get out of here.

Okay, right.

Everybody put their hands on their heads.

Oh, God.

Fill it!

Right.

Now stay like that.

Stand up now, my law subjects.

And you can join them.

Bob! Lloyd!

Louise! Gloria!

Oh, no!

What are you doing, guys?

It's pretty obvious, isn't it?

You know these boys?

Oh, yeah, they used to go to our school.

I told you that school was no good, didn't I, Sean?

But the school had no... Why don't you put the gun away, Bob?

Yeah, I mean, if you're going to rob somewhere, you could have chosen

a bit more decent. Yeah, like his bank or a post office or something. It's not

my bank, Sean.

I just work there. Please, don't hurt my children.

Shut up, you.

Now, why don't you be a good girl, Gloria, and sit on the floor before I

you down there?

Sweet.

You'll never get away with this, Bob.

Oh, but I am Louise.

And do me a favour.

What? Don't call me Bob.

What do you want?

Could I possibly use the toilet, please?

Use the toilet?

I heard what he said.

Where is it?

Upstairs, second on the right.

I'd best go with him just in case he tries something.

And what am I going to do?

You're going to shoot him if they try anything.

Or if he does.

Come on, ugly.

After you.

Thank you.

Pleasure.

Oi, Lloyd, what are you doing with that nutter? Shut up, Gloria. He's going to

land you right in it. He's already in it. You do know about his fix, don't

What fix?

You mean he hasn't told you?

Well, it's not for me to say then, is it, Lloyd?

Look, you can't wind me up like this. I'm the one with the gun, remember?

Well, life couldn't have been that bad to reduce you to this.

You know, sometimes I think to myself,

Popeye, life can't be that bad.

And then I look at you with that gun in your hand and I think, it is.

Thank you, Popeye, the voice of diplomacy.

You haven't said anything to help the situation. Yeah, that's because I'm

to stay cool.

Listen, Lloyd, a lot of people are working damn hard to improve the night.

And there are a lot of people striving to improve the image of black people in

the eyes of the general public so they don't think we're all muggers and

thieves. For every hundred good things we achieve, it only takes one incident

like this to cancel it all out.

Thanks for the campaign speech, but right now, I don't need it.

Well, think of your family, eh?

Think of the pain you're going to cause them.

Think about your father who tried to bring you up on this indecent.

My father?

Do you know him?

I'm sorry, Lloyd.

What for? I'm not.

Look, listen, Lloyd, if you've got the gun, you can walk out the door and we

won't say nothing.

When Vogt comes down and says, just get him, we'll just say no problem.

He said it, he said it.

Hurry up in there.

Well, how can I concentrate with you banging on the door?

What are you doing in there?

I'd like to report an armed halt.

Damn.

Come on!

It's stuck. I'll have to flush it again.

Yes, look, I'll have to be quick.

Address with Desmond's barber shop. Check them and hurry.

What do you say, Lloyd? He'll be down in a minute.

You know what I say.

What? Shut up!

What took you so long? I've been dying to go. Where is it?

and he'll probably speak to you.

Yeah, well, I've got nothing to say to him.

Well, I have.

Come on, talk.

Yo,

uh, Bob.

Bob? Who are you calling Bob? Oh, no.

I'm just thinking that you're doing all this for a couple of Bob. I mean, a few

robbers.

A few quid, you know what I mean? Don't remind me.

No, I didn't want to remind you. I just thought... Shut up!

kind of business.

Because I like the career prospects.

What do you think,

lady?

I think you're making a mistake.

There are other ways, Robert.

Are there?

When you come from the sort of family I have, there aren't too many options.

My father was an alcoholic.

He used to beat my mother up from Monday to Saturday, but never on a Sunday

because he was Catholic.

My mother, on the other hand, was so spaced out on Valleyham, she didn't even

know what day of the week it was.

There were eight of us.

Another legacy of living in a three -bedroom council flat in a North Peckham

estate.

My parents were so poor that we kids had to take up thieving just to feed

ourselves.

You see, I come from a broken home.

It was either football, boxing, thieving, or the army as a way out.

Life has not been a beach, has it?

You know something, Robert?

May I call you Rob? No.

Well, Robert, what I was going to say is that after hearing that story, you

begin to make sense.

Yes, I agree with you, surely.

Why? You take someone like you to make me realize how lucky I is? Listen to

yourselves. I don't believe you.

Poor pipe.

You call yourself lucky?

The man still have a gun in his hand and you call yourself lucky?

This man who is a thief, a criminal, a coward, a cheat, and a damn liar!

The man spin you a storyline that these tenders and neighbours will be proud of

and you think he's a wonderful chap!

Give you a sob story and you're anybody's. Hear, hear.

That's right.

I told you what you wanted to hear.

Poor, deprived kid from a broken home.

Look at you all.

Everybody wants a cause.

Band -Aid, comic relief, telephone.

You all like the cause, which will not only relieve your conscience, it'll also

relieve you of your cash.

We've paid our bit, so we're OK until next year.

Well, as far as I'm concerned, charity starts at home.

Stop giving it away, give it to us instead. We could do with it.

So long!

we gonna do well i don't know was all your idea to come in here mingle that's

what you said

any closer and she's dead