Original subtitles

From the long, warm night to the ocean breeze, to the damp and to the rain of

London City.

We come from the sun to live in the cold, I'm in the rough, I wash my

tree.

Let's keep the music sweet, wind up your wheels and feel the heat.

You're only supposed to use a little of that steam decongestant.

Oh, Bob, I've got a terrible cold. Yes, it serves you right.

Not you at all.

Look, Gloria, that's the third cold in as many months.

You're not eating properly.

Instead of all the burgers and pizzas and things, you're eating all that food.

You're going to watch me figure.

Well, I see you eating all sorts of junk.

I keep telling you a healthy, balanced diet is the only way to combat ailments.

Gloria, what did you get up to there for?

I think your healthy, balanced diet has done something to my stomach.

Don't you go blaming my good cooking for your bad stomach.

I see you pouring all kinds of things in that bottomless pit you call your

stomach. Like how much rum you drank in the domino club last night. No, it's

something I eat. That's why I had the pain last night. And that's why I had to

drink some rum to wash it down.

Oh, hang on, Ray Potts.

Ah, get back, get back. The creature from the Black Lagoon is back.

All right, name that tune.

Is it Hello Mama, How's It Going by Count Cotton and the Rebels? Nope.

Is it Jump Up, Grosslet by Skanking Jimmy and the Jumping Jimmys? Nope.

Don't go nicking my chin.

No.

I'm sorry, Matthew.

I'm feeling myself this morning.

Yeah, come on, Desmond. Sit down. I'll finish him off.

Listen, Desmond, if you don't feel well, go upstairs and lie down.

You're not feeling well, Des? I feel well. It's just that my stomach doesn't.

Well, the only way to clear out your stomach is to drink some stout mixed in

with two raw eggs and grated nutmeg. That will soon clear you out. What do

mean? I know what I mean.

You need to lie down before you get work.

My granny always swore by poor Polly's, two double scotches and four fucking

Sebastian's socks.

Shaken and not stirred, eh?

Blimey, I mean, that didn't really good. She was a champion sprinter on her

ward.

No, Des, you don't want any of these cranky remedies, mate. What you've got

do is see a doctor.

I don't need a doctor. I'm not ill.

Not well, neither.

Listen, folk, mate.

Every day that I rise, now that I'm in the twilight of my youth, something

always twinges and niggles.

If I was to call the doctor every time something hurt, he'll be outside my

bedroom door every morning.

I mean, all that, but it's just that you've got to realize that things wear

when used a lot.

That's why people have hip replacement and things.

Oh, why my stomach don't need replacing?

If anything needs replacing, it's your head.

What's wrong with my head? There's nothing wrong with my head. I make a

statement and you make a song and dance about it. What I say makes perfect

sense. It does?

What you're trying to tell us is that we humans should treat our bodies the same

way we treat our cars and get regular checkups because preventive medicine is

better than cure.

Well, if you put it that way, yes.

No, that's not what I...

Yes, yes, that's what I was going to say.

You see somebody, understand?

He's right, Desmond. You are to see the doctor.

No.

Ah!

Yes, doctor, quick, hurry!

There you go, mate.

Closest shave you ever had, mate.

You can say that again.

Hello?

Answering machine.

Surgery's closed. They have an emergency number.

Typical.

Look, we can take a cab to casualty.

Sorry about this, Susan.

Oh, no, no problem. I'll take him in the motor.

No, it's all right.

Desmond. Okay, okay, I'll go.

No, no, it's all right.

Right now, Desmond, you have on clean socks and underpants. Of course.

Well, you should know you just washed them.

You want me to come with you?

No, surely we'll hold my hand. But I want to help.

You can hold it for till I get back.

Listen, Tony, we're going to call you if we think we're going to be there a

while. Okay, okay.

You sure you can manage?

Of course I can manage. Put by me the dynamic duo, no sweat.

I was at the queue around the block, wasn't I?

Well, since I'm the senior partner in this dynamic duo, I'm in charge.

Stop!

Very good.

Carry on.

What day is today?

Tuesday. Good.

Why is Tuesday good?

Because I hate Mondays and Wednesdays are even worse.

I see.

What days don't you like?

Oh, I like most days.

Oh, come on, man. I'm trying to pass the time. There must be one day you don't

like.

Um, Sunday afternoon.

Yes, I hate Sundays as well.

What days do you like then?

Days with you.

a cut, but that if something is wrong, check it out.

Right, police?

Nothing wrong this time.

But I will take the pills all the same.

Beverly.

Jasmine and Shirley?

Who fancy meeting you here?

Is what wrong with you?

There's a lot of colds and flus going around this time of year.

Some say, like the doctor just now, that there is a particular strain of

Egyptian flu caused by freak weather conditions that blow Egyptian...

in the salt of England.

What is the world coming to when you get Egyptians in your back garden?

I'll grow our own food and become orgasmic.

When we were back home growing our own, you didn't hear anybody dying from past

the things they're dying from now. What do you think?

Mr. Ambrose. Yes.

Good luck, Desmond. I'm sure you are right.

I'll see you in a minute.

Beverly? Yes, Sheriff?

Now, what is your theory on superconductivity?

Well, I... What?

Here's the brush, brush, brush, brush.

Here's the dustpan, dustpan.

dusty the place is.

Cheryl, are you all right?

What did they say?

Did they have to operate?

Did they cut out any bits?

So which bits?

I'll donate my bits.

Knowing Desmond, he probably wouldn't want my bits.

Cheryl?

Yes, Popeye.

He's not... No.

He's not dead.

Good.

I didn't think he'd let us down.

So what's the matter?

Oh, they're going to keep him in overnight for observation.

They think it might be his heart, you know, the blood pressure and all.

Heart? What do they mean by heart? It's typical of doctors.

You tell them you've got a bad stomach, they tell you it's your heart.

I tell them I think I'm black, they go, say I'm white.

Don't be stupid, poor pie.

I'm sorry, Cheryl.

It's just routine.

What am I going to do if my best and only friend dies?

I'm sorry, Cheryl.

I know what I said is selfish, but I can't think straight.

At a time like these, you're forced to think straight.

Face all them questions you've been avoiding for a long time.

You mean like going home?

None of us when we came to England wanted to die here.

Least of all Desmond.

I know he's not going to die yet, but now he'll want to go home so that he

I can't, pork pie.

There's nothing back there for me anymore.

My life, my family, my whole existence is here.

32 years is a long time. The majority of my life.

I know it'll hurt him.

I know he got his heart set on me going home with him, but...

All right, I know what to do.

You give me your ticket, and I will go with him.

Oh, why, you old fool.

Yes, I'm your old fool that knows how to make you laugh, eh?

You know, you're his best friend.

Even though Desmond jokes with you, he's got the utmost respect for you.

He does?

Yeah.

He's always said, next to his family.

You're his nearest and dearest.

He did?

Mm -hmm.

Oh, where the kids?

They're upstairs.

Where have you been?

I came as soon as I heard the news. Five hours later.

What happened to your portable phone?

I switched it off.

Something always happens when you switch the blasted thing off.

How is he?

He's with Mum. I'm still waiting to hear.

What are you all doing here anyway?

Even when he's ill, you're still hanging around.

Come on, Michael, me old son. We all know you must feel.

Bet he was a world -like bloke, your old man.

I wonder if the boot was only half a foot, how many people would have turned

for you, eh?

All right, see?

You're not the most popular bloke in the neighbourhood, but your old man, he was

a diamond. Lee. What?

Shut up.

Look, I'm only trying to help relieve the tension around here. We're all

anxious, right? Yeah, but our anxiety's not being helped by you talking in a

past tense.

Don't even know what's happened to him yet. Yes, we do. It's his picker, the

main engine of the body, the key component that pumps life's blood. Easy

graphics, eh, Sean?

All right, Tony, what happened?

Yeah, well, your old man wasn't... No, no, no, no. What happened in the shop

today with my money? Oh, don't worry.

Tony and I take care of business.

I was supervisor.

I washed the client's hair and... You?

Poor pie, what were you doing?

Don't talk to me like that.

Don't you think I'm capable of washing hair?

Little boy thinks I can't wash hair.

I wash my own hair so much...

I used to wash their hair, too.

I hope they still got theirs.

Shut up, Matthew. I'm fed up of the opinion you lot seem to hold of me.

I am capable.

You weren't there when they went to the hospital. I was, and I did everything I

could to help. And washing hair was a part of helping out.

Listen, your father is my best friend, and we have a code in Guyana. Before you

were born, Carl, we respect your elders.

So, Michael, son of Desmond the barber, respect your elders. So you did?

Look, listen, pork pie, I'm sorry, okay?

Quiet. Shit, why?

You got it, pork pie?

You know, we have the same respectful senior hierarchy in our Gambian

So what?

It is good to know that you West Indians have money to hang on to something we

pass down to you.

Yes? Yeah.

Okay.

What did he say?

He don't know. Just be a patient, patient.

Hospitals are funny things.

They're supposed to be life -saving centers, but they don't have any life

-performing things in them.

They have cold floors and bare walls.

And you always sweat in them because they're too hot.

They turn up the temperature to compensate for the bare walls.

And they always smell of anti -dio -disinfectant.

It's a place to save lives.

But they kill all household germs dead.

I suppose you're all one big household germ.

Of course you are.

And you better shut up before I kill you for talking like that.

I'm all right.

I know you are.

Tell me something.

Anything. When you first looked at me, I mean, really looked at me.

What did you think?

Well, I thought, um, what a handsome, talented,

sexy, rugged, cheeky, warm brute.

You sure you're talking about me?

I married you, didn't I?

Only just.

If your father had his way.

My daughter is wasting her education because she wants to marry a man who

the bugle.

Good job the boats were leaving for England, otherwise we wouldn't have got

married.

Oh, Desmond, what did you think when you first really looked at me?

I thought, what a stock -up old cow with a bugle in her hand.

But I'd like to marry her.

Cheryl. Yes, my love?

Promise me one thing before they all rush in. What's that? That you'll help

and come back home with me.

We'll talk about it when you're better, right?

Get better first.

I know what will make me better, Guyanese sunshine.

When I build my house back home, it will be me and you in our little dove nest.

But what about the children?

They can visit us whenever they want.

Even Michael.

come, won't you, Sean?

Will you?

How are you feeling?

Fine. You?

Um, yes.

Fine.

So, uh, you alright?

Yeah. You?

Yes. Fine.

Look, um, we don't know what's wrong yet.

More tests. We'll know better tomorrow, OK?

OK.

Listen, Dad, you know we've got to stop arguing, eh? Why?

I like arguing, Joe.

Only find me of one of the few pleasures I have left in life.

Well, OK, then. You'd better hurry up and get out of here so we can get

something to argue about.

I don't like to hit a man when he's down. I'm not down yet.

OK, I'd better go.

Your audience awaits you.

OK. Bye -bye.

Dad, talk to Pork Pie, will you? I know he's your friend, but between Tony, Mum

and myself, we can run the shop, okay?

What about me?

Huh? Oh, yes, you as well.

You hear that, son? The man is talking about me as if I'm dead already.

Now, don't breathe all over me with your coal.

Cold.

It's gone, Dad.

Dad,

Look, be back by 12 .30, or if you're not, tell Duncan I will personally... Do

you know his name?

Gloria, how many years have I known you? Hopefully a lot longer. How are you

feeling? Oh, so you want to know how I feel?

You've got no manners, Dad, I tell you. So what, Pop, you cool? I'm cool.

So, wait, where are my chocolates and grapes and things?

Oh, we rushed straight over, didn't we, Gloria? Rushed, rushed. Yeah, man, I

mean, we were in a rush, man, but I did write you this.

Oh, get well, Dad.

Certain things that you take for granted, like sunrise and trees being

The smell of rice and peas coming from the kitchen, that elusive fuck that's

always missing.

But life changes when they said, your old man's laid up in a hospital bed.

So you think of the worst and the fights that you've had. You think, hold on,

they weren't that bad. I said this and he said that. In the cold light of day,

it all sounds flat.

But if you heard what I really said, I said, hey, Dad, get out of bed.

Lovely shirt. Yeah, come on, Mum. That's not cool at all.

This is dread, son.

Minou.

All right, all right.

How about that?

Close.

What's that for your taste?

What is it?

It's a pocket TV, mate. I use it on the stalls.

Thought they'd probably shove me in one of those, you know, poxy walls.

National Health Service.

No creature comforts. I mean, I ain't knocking it, Des, right? I was born in

of these places.

And look how I turn out, eh?

Hi, Lee.

Oh, that's nice, Popeye.

Popeye, what are you doing in my overall?

Well, Desmond, it's a long story. Look, and you can wait till he gets out to

tell him.

What happened in the shop today?

Yeah, well, it was fine, Des, apart from the fact that... It can all wait.

I brought you something to read whilst you're in bed.

The Dynamics of Macro and Micro Business Management.

Thank you, Matthew.

It is an interesting read. I'm sure it is.

I thought it would help you understand European business, now that we're going

to be linked permanently with them. Okay, I think that's enough excitement

today. All right. Get well, yeah? All right. Ciao.

Ciao.

Come out.

Desmond, old friend.

What spoke my old friend?

If you die. He's not going to die. Well, if you die before me, can I have your

trumpet? No.

My dexterity was never your forte, Popeye.

Give it up while you've still got your fingers pokey.

Manuel, Manuel, what are you trying to say? I'm not good with my hands?

Well, I worked for 30 years in the British car industry.

I had to use my hands.

Anyway, what's so important about twiddling a comb?

I know, but you said you wanted to do it. I know.

Anyway, come on, Tony.

Let's get down to the more serious stuff.

Are you sure now? Yes. I want to know the final technique.

All right, all right. Listen up, listen up, listen up.

Popeye is now going to demonstrate that famous and legendary haircut.

The pork pie special.

Yes!

Yes!

Why pork pie? That wasn't on the Desmond special.

Here's one I made earlier.

I'd like to thank my mum, my dad, my wife, Shirley.

Rest yourself.

How do you feel?

I feel... I feel a little better.

Here's something that'll make you feel a whole lot better, Father.

Lee.

Please?

This is a little present to help you and Mother recuperate. Oh?

A two -week trip, for two, to Guyana.

St. Lucia?

I mean, it's sort of Caribbean, isn't it?