Original subtitles

Nice one, Kino.

Come on, girls.

Let's call it a night, eh?

Oh, Dad, you've got to catch us first.

No, you can't catch us.

Slow coach, slow coach, can't catch us.

You'll never go for school.

Is he still looking?

Get to sleep.

Just stay there and don't make a sound. Come on.

I

was

just about to come looking for you.

I've told you, if I'm on patrol, beat your own.

Dog could have had you.

The only thing that dog will have is a shant.

That's why he shouldn't let it roam around.

And it's like Blackpool up there.

I'll go and switch him off while you put the kettle on. Don't, don't.

Why not?

Scary dog on the loose.

No, no, I'll do it in a minute.

Suit yourself.

So, did you get your babysitter in the end?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

It was all a bit sudden, wasn't it?

No women alike for acting on impulse.

Yeah.

It's not going to be a regular thing, is it? Oh, no.

I've said I'll go next week as well. Oh, Mum, it was supposed to be a one -off.

But I enjoyed it.

Two games in a row, I was sweating on one number.

Can't you go in the day when the kids are at school?

Fever works, isn't it? I wouldn't have anybody to go with.

I thought Trudy were happy to look after him. That was a one -off. I can't make

an habit of it.

Don't you think I'm entitled to one night out a week?

I'll pay you.

I told you last week.

Just name your price.

Blue binder, top shelf. I can't take your money. You only get £3 .70 an hour.

I'll do it for free, then.

I don't even like kids. Neither do they. You'll get on like an house on fire.

Have you finished those maintenance records?

Nearly.

Are you getting on?

Oh, I'll be a while yet.

Oh, take your time. I'm in no hurry.

Shall I make us all a coffee? Oh, you're all right. I'll do it. No, let me. I'm

neither used nor only, aren't I? I wouldn't say that.

How do you take it, Mark?

Eh?

Oh, um, milk, one sugar. The cup's on my desk.

Who's she?

Me sister.

What's she doing here?

Giving me a lift home, she says.

She's good with kids.

Why don't you ask her?

I'd have to get to know her first. You're my only hope, Truth. Please.

It's only going to be one night a week.

Oh, go on, then.

You'll have to get someone else next week, though.

I'll take you out for a drink at the thank you.

You won't.

Well, I'm not trying to get off of you again.

So how are you managing, Mac?

On your own, I mean.

Yeah, I'll find those.

Only I know when I split with Trevor. Janice, no thanks, but I've got the

in first thing tomorrow.

Yeah, I can see you're busy.

Are you sure there isn't anything else I could do to help?

Do you know anything about ISO 9000?

No.

Then I don't think so, do you?

How about if I treat you to a proper drink?

After you've finished, I'll help you unwind.

It's a nice offer, thanks a lot, but, um... I'm not really ready for all that.

OK.

Fine.

Just the coffee, then.

Because if I get caught, they'll nail my hat on.

But we had a laugh.

And we didn't tell Nan, did we?

Hello?

Apart from anything else, I don't like the flat being empty overnight.

So Trudy is coming round to look after you. That is final, okay?

And Greg takes the corner, so by 180 miles an hour, race is gaining ground.

And this is without doubt the most exciting...

This is the last one.

You could do worse than Barry.

Who? Barry from our place.

The fella you were supposed to babysit for? That's him.

He's a security guard.

So?

Do you think I've got no ambition left?

He's reliable.

He stands up his own babysitters.

He's a nice fella. His heart's in the right place. I think you two would

hit it off.

He's a loser with two kids. What kind of a prospect is he?

You've had your turn, haven't you?

What's up with you now?

23 points.

They need a telephone claim.

Have you found it yet?

It changes the way people look at you, you know. I know.

They tell you to ask permission first, they always say

that, I've heard them. Come on, girls, I need that phone, it's important.

You know what they like round here?

They'll be like flies around muck if they find out.

And they'll start raking it again once they think we've got something worth

pinching. We couldn't bounce now.

You were born in this house.

He doesn't have to move far, do he? Well, we could look into it, I suppose.

But it'll take time, you know.

I'm going to ban you both from using that bloody thing.

That's not fair.

It's him who lost it.

We could buy him one each now, if this is right.

No. Until we get our thoughts fixed, carry on as normal.

Don't say a word to anybody, do you hear me? OK, ma 'am. You're the boss.

Get in!

Get in!

Hello?

Baby,

thanks for going out for a pint this Saturday.

On me.

Sorry, but I haven't found.

What, a woman?

Yeah.

Oi!

Soft shite.

Don't let people do that to your dog. Do what?

Stroke it.

It's only Martin. He's a good mate of mine. You might as well patrol with a

poodle. You know what you are, don't you?

You're the pet.

Don't talk to her like that.

Why, what's it going to do? Hurt her feelings?

Just don't. Okay.

Oh.

What's got into you, big fella?

Nothing. Well, you want to knock that answering back on the head, you'll get

yourself a reputation.

You all right?

I could give all this up tomorrow.

Oh, yeah?

You got another job in the pipeline, have you? I could live on £387 a week

whole year and I won't have to do a tap.

How come?

I don't know.

You promised not to tell anyone.

Come on, you've got me interested now.

I've won £20 ,000 on pools.

According to Martin, Barry's had a bit of a windfall.

I'm not interested in Barry.

I know.

Don't you think I am some kind of a gold digger? I was telling you about my day,

that's all. How was your day?

I got stung.

Did someone do a runner?

No, I got stung by a wasp.

What kind of a windfall?

A lot of money.

Inheritance? He won it.

The lottery?

Barry wouldn't get very far on who wants to be a millionaire.

It was a rollover this week.

He doesn't want anyone to know yet. He's scared they might start treating him

different.

Hi,

I've come to pick Trudy up.

She's gone home. Everyone's gone.

Has she had her car fixed?

It's been fixed for days.

She tells me nothing.

I'm sorry.

I've come all this way and now I'm going to have to go straight back.

Um... I can make you a quick brew, if you like.

Yeah?

Yeah. Right, just a minute.

I've got telly.

PlayStation.

Got to do a patrol every hour.

You get used to it.

You can't have much of a social life.

Oh, I'm free most weekends.

Yeah?

Me too.

What about this weekend?

What about it?

Are you free then?

This is no good.

Hey, will you listen?

Keep on fighting.

Hey, hey, right, calm down, calm down. You'll find this will work.

This is gorgeous.

You'll love it. I mean it. It's got red inside now. How passionate is that?

That's good.

That's good.

This, this, this, this. This one.

No, this one.

It's got no tape.

You must get lonely.

Got Gina.

The dog.

Her name's Janet and she's an alcoholic.

Yeah, I prefer to walk with a dog than a man any day.

You know, the loyal dogs.

Which is more than can be said for men.

Not all men.

Most.

What, did your husband run off with someone else then?

It was money that split me in travel.

It ripped me off. I took every penny.

But I don't care.

Everything I need is up here.

Money doesn't matter.

I don't care too much for money because money can't buy me.

Come on.

You want me to walk into the door? I can manage.

Yeah, we should do this again sometime.

Give me a ring.

Really? In the day when Trudy's at work.

You're not ashamed of me, are you? No, I just like to keep my private life

private.

Here.

Hey, I think I've hit the jackpot there, mate.

My girls are coming up for a week when term finishes.

It's going to be a squeeze in that house, that's for sure.

Hopefully by the time the course is finished, I'll have a little house of my

own.

Somewhere in Cheshire with a bit of luck.

If money was no object, where would you like to live?

Pardon?

Where would you like to live if you had the money?

I sleep while the kids are at school. That's the routine.

I don't like being maimed out in public. I'm sorry.

Am I boring company?

No. It was only our second date and you could hardly keep your eyes open.

I don't think there's much future for us two, do you?

Don't you ever get tied up for a big meal?

I'll get a taxi home in case you fall asleep at the wheel.

Don't dump me just because I work nights.

It's hard not to meet women as it is.

You're working a factory full of women. Well, they're all going on when I clock

on. And I'm going on when they clock on.

Me and the rest of the world are like ships that pass in the night.

Hiya, Barry.

Oh, hiya.

Julie, from work? Yeah.

You look smart.

You been splashing out?

Er, no, no. I bought it for a funeral a while ago. You're not passing out, play

-fight, only I'm late already.

Er,

well... Taxi!

Yeah. Yeah, go on, game. I'll be back in a minute. Ah, cheers, Barry. You're one

in a million.

Hi, um, we're going to Heathcote Cottage. You haven't given me a proper

you know.

I'm not going on nights forever.

You take the lady on, please, mate. Keep the change.

I thought I could store it in the gatehouse till I go home tonight.

You're on duty, you know.

You're not even supposed to have the van. You're meant to be in bed.

You don't mind, though, do you?

How was the show?

It's been special.

There's an open bottle of wine in there, if you fancy a glass.

Oh, thanks.

Why do they always pick on me?

Just hitting back.

That all makes it worse.

Have you told your teacher?

That makes it worse as well.

We'll get bored of it in the end.

And the sad thing is that they were able to brand us and call us the Liberal

Tory Coalition, etc.

We're only going to the Crown. You can tag along if you want.

No, thanks.

Shall me and you go out this weekend, then, just the two of us?

Maybe. I'll see how we feel.

I was thinking of visiting my girl.

OK, whatever.

See you later.

Bye.

including imprisonment and other things, with only an hour and a half debate for

the whole of those orders.

The debate finally finished at 10 p .m., so they all got home early.

What do you want?

I'm sorry about this afternoon.

And have you always worked nights?

I started off doing days.

But me old boss shovedy thought it'd be more convenient if I moved to nights.

Why? He was shagging me wife at times.

Seriously?

They have to ring you two or three times a night to check if you're OK.

Shufty used to ring me from my own bedroom.

That's terrible.

I'm so unlucky with women.

I didn't even get to sleep with Mac's wife.

I've got to do a patrol now.

Do you want to come?

I keep hearing noises.

There's always noises.

Every building breaks.

Don't you ever get scared?

Well, I wouldn't like to do it without a keynote, but as it is, if armed robbers

did break in, I'd only have to say three little words and that'd be it, problem

solved.

And what words are they?

Help yourself, lads.

What happened to your wife?

And where is she now?

Jail. What for?

Her and Shifty tried to knock off a warehouse in Salford.

It's what the police call an inside job.

They did the job and they ended up inside.

How did you end up married to someone like that?

Don't know.

The first husband used to hit her. I think she just fancied a change.

And I'm very good in bed.

When you connect this, the time gets recorded back at the office. It proves

you've been on patrol.

They've all reckoned she's the brains, you know. I reckon Mac could have gone

bankrupt years ago without Trudy.

People have been telling me stuff like that since my school days.

Every teacher I ever had.

You never know, you're Trudy's sister.

So you get on.

She's my sister.

I love her to death, but sometimes I feel like strangling her.

You know how it is.

I'm an only child, me.

You're better looking than she is.

Come here.

Why?

Why do you think?

Easy? I've got my seatbelt on your earring.

Ow! I've got to go.

Do you want to take my ear with you?

Ow!

I'm sorry.

Sorry. Come here.

I've got something to show you.

Now that is a dog.

You see, soft shite here.

If you ever went for an intruder, it'd come back with a stick.

Lock it in the gatehouse before it shits its own.

And I'll show you what this fella can do.

Come on, good boy.

When you come.

Come on, boy.

Come on.

What are you looking so worried for?

He's muzzled, isn't he?

I'm happy with my dog, Mick.

You sound a bit funny.

Oh, I've been to the dentist today.

My mask's a bit numb.

What do you think then, eh?

The man's stuff are pure and simple.

You not go for your arm, that's no good anymore.

Now, the bastards have grown wise to that.

When they break in, they're packing their sleeves with magazines and shit.

No, he's trying to go for your legs.

Or your throat.

Aren't you, boy, eh?

He's a good boy, aren't you? He's a good boy.

You're going to rip a rubber's throat out, aren't you, eh?

No, he's a good boy, aren't you?

Sorry.

Catch.

I'll not be back.

Are you sure?

I'll just ring. You don't think he'll try to surprise you?

No.

Thanks.

Your gum's bleeding.

It's all right.

Just by a look.

What? I've copped off with a vampire.

I'm no vampire.

You can't be.

Why?

Garlic breath.

You haven't got a clue, have you? What's up?

Do you think I'm snogging you now you've got another thing? I'm sorry.

I love it. I hate it all the time.

I'm sorry. I make stupid jokes, especially when I'm nervous.

I'm just trying to get on with people.

I know it wasn't funny, but I didn't mean any harm.

And the garlic wasn't pruning me off. Honest.

And I would love, I would really love to kiss you right here,

right now.

Where did you come from, baby?

How did you know I needed you?

How did you know I needed you so badly?

I believe in miracles.

Did you know you're everything I prayed for?

Did you know every night and day for my birthday?

Needing love and satisfaction, now you're lying next to me. Ah, got you.

All right, we are quit.

But it is, it's nearly three o 'clock in the morning.

Looking good, James.

It's nothing to do with his money.

I never said it was.

It's what you were thinking.

I said you two would make a good couple before he even won any money.

Well, I'm not so sure.

I don't think we've got that much in common.

So it's just sex then, is it?

Who said anything about sex?

You were out all night. We were talking all night.

Do you really think we're compatible?

He's a nice bloke.

He is a nice bloke.

He's tall, good -looking.

He'd do anything to please you.

So, er, you won't be dumping him straight away, then?

It's just not the sort of bloke I saw myself with. And Trevor was.

I'm meeting his family tomorrow.

Babysitting for him.

My God! It must be serious.

Pick me glasses.

Get me me glasses.

Have you all got kids yourself, Janice?

Two. Both at college.

You don't look old enough.

She's lost her glasses.

Can't wait for these two to go away to college.

You'll be going dead by then. Hey, that's enough. I'll haunt you if I am.

She's too thick to go to university.

Ow!

Get off! Come on, hey.

Barry, I'm still waiting for me glasses.

Ow! Get off! Get in there, hey.

I really want you two to be good for Janice tonight.

Dad, are you taking them to work again next Thursday?

If you're good tonight, then I'll think about it.

But if we're bad, Janice won't do it again, then you'll have to.

No, then I'll get someone else.

No, you don't.

I do.

You don't. She does, but not as much as I hate her.

You only think you hate her.

What would you know about it? I've got a sister myself.

Oh, big deal.

I know what it's like.

You think you hate her now, but if things get bad for you, she might be the

person you can turn to.

If things ever get bad for her, I just laugh my head off.

I used to pick on my sister just like you're doing to Grayson. Do you know

No, and I don't really care. Because I got picked on at school, so I used to

come home and take it out on Trudy.

That's what she does.

Has my dad told you?

No. Has he got no right?

Nobody's told me anything.

I don't believe you.

So you are getting bullied?

No. There's only one way to deal with bullies, you know.

What's that? Hit them back? Tell the teacher?

Succeed. Do better than them, have a better life, have more money. That is a

load of crap.

Joanne Bibby used to make my life hell at school.

And then a couple of years ago, I saw her. She was working on a till in the

supermarket.

And after that, whenever I wanted cheering up, I'd go there.

And I'd buy myself loads of expensive little luxuries.

Smellies, creams, nice moisturisers, make -up, shower gels, aromatherapy

And the biggest box of condoms that they had.

And then I'd take the whole lot to Joanne Bibby's counter and I'd pay for

with my gold card.

And then I'd introduce myself.

And in return, do you know what she'd do to me?

What? Be polite.

Are you asleep?

Yeah.

If Greta asks you tomorrow... You never mention to me that she's getting

bullied, OK?

She didn't tell you about that?

Sort of.

Must have taken a shame to you.

So, er, what do you think of them?

Honest opinion?

Yeah. I think they need a good hiding.

What, hit them, you mean?

Oh, but they need a bit of discipline.

They need a mother.

And they need to get out of this place.

Janice! Janice! I couldn't hit them.

I could.

Hey, I've never known these two shot for these sort of things before.

Must be your feminine influence.

How long have you worked here?

Twelve years.

Are you married?

No. Can I get a husband?

Grace? I'm sorry.

The lady behind that wanted husband.

Are you a lesbian?

Well, you two behave yourselves.

Where have you learnt words like that?

Peace be with you.

Gorgeous, aren't they?

Cheeky with it, I'm afraid.

£36 .43, please.

Come on.

Are you two still awake?

Janice wants to say goodnight to you before she goes.

Thanks for a lovely day.

And you will both look even more beautiful in the morning.

Night.

Goodnight.

It won't do any harm.

What are you going to do about Greta?

I'm dealing with it. How?

We're moving house.

Can you afford to?

You see, the thing is, I've come into a bit of luck recently.

Have you?

Yeah. These last few weeks have been the best of my life.

I've met you.

And, believe it or not, I've won some money.

20 grand.

What? Barry, 20 grand he won.

So?

You knew!

How much have you got, Janice?

I've spent more than that on a car!

You couldn't now, though, could you?

You bastard!

Look, I'm sorry. I just thought you'd like him once you got to know him,

all. Not good enough for you, though, was he? He's your cast -off. I hand me

down. Do you think I should settle for that? No.

I'm sick of you always looking down at me. I don't. Trying to organise my life

for me.

You have to organise everything.

Factory.

Dad. My life. How am I organising your life?

Trying to marry me off to the first available geek.

Telling you about the money was just a way of getting you together, that's all.

Whether it works out or not is down to you, not me. You think I'm so shallow,

greedy. When have I ever said that?

When I went off with all of Dad's money, that was Trevor's doing, not mine.

I know that. I came back. I came back to give you your half. If I was so

obsessed with money... I know this, Janice. So why do you make me feel so

about it? I've never even mentioned it! Why didn't you tell me how much money

Barry had won? Why does it matter?

Leave me alone!

Look, forget about the money.

If things haven't worked out with you and Barry, then they haven't worked out.

was wrong.

Do you know how hard it is to be your sister?

You've always been so... sorted.

Whereas you were just the pretty one.

It was easy being your sister.

You had all sorts of blokes calling for you and I had homework. You played and I

worked. And for what, Janice? I'm a secretary.

You run that factory! I'm a secretary!

My best features are false.

What you were born with, I had to pay for. You think I'm so sordid? Well, no.

Sorry.

You've got a downer on yourself at the moment, that's all.

And it's about time you realise you're not as bad as you think you are.

I'm used to money.

And I hate having to get up early and sit out there in all kinds of weather

sell those fucking flowers.

I want something better.

And I am not ashamed of that.

How was it?

£9 .99, please.

Oh, sorry.

Hold on.

Hello? Oh, it's me.

I was wondering if you fancied coming round to the factory again tonight.

No,

Barry.

All right, it's all right. Yeah, don't worry.

I'm really sorry, Barry. I don't think it's going to work out.

Plenty more fish in the sea, eh?

I'm sorry. I'll see you around, yeah?

Right.

See you.

Bye.

I'm waiting for the change.

I'm sorry.

Penny.

in the name of the Lord.

These are for you.

Thanks. I told you we should have got chocolate.

You never.

Are they all for your dad?

Raffles.

Because of us you're finished with dad, isn't it? No.

We're usually the reason.

Why did you do it?

It's got nothing to do with you two, I promise.

Now just leave me alone.

Just tell us why.

Money!

What are you doing? Of all the stupid things.

Are you allergic to it or something?

Look, I'm doing the tea.

You found out I want 20 grand and the next thing you know I'm done.

Look, you've got the wrong end of the stick.

You think this changes me?

I'm still the same man. If this is what the problem is, then get rid of it for

me. Go on.

Right, I'll burn the bloody stuff.

What are you doing?

I'm proving a point.

Stupid! Don't worry.

Do you really think you're going to buy a house you've got kids to think of?

You've got no right to do that. This can make a difference to you. It can get

you up that shit off when you're living in it. It can get your kids to a new

school. It can get you a good holiday.

It can't buy me love.

It wasn't enough, too.

How much is enough?

I don't know.

A million?

Two million?

Ten? There's not enough money in the world for that, Janet.

Not for that.

Here. Buy a house. Get a life.

I want to buy a house. Good, you still can, thanks to me.

And I want to come off nights.

And I want to see you again.

And just because you say it won't work out, I am sick of doing what other

tell me to do. I say it will work out.

The money has changed you.

You've changed me.

Would you really burn £20 ,000 to get me back?

I love you.

You don't even know me.

I think I can make you happy.

So what do you think?

Is everything all right?

The tea's written, that's all.

Well, if you change your mind, you know where I'll be.

I won't ask. I'm not interfering.

Good.

Come on, hurry up, soft shite.

And you owe me a tenner.

Why? I've got your pizza.

What pizza?

A 12 -inch Hawaiian with extra olives.

And two garlic breads. You must be starving, eh?

No. It'll be cold now. Put them in the micro and I'll share them with you.

And the lad said he'd been shouting you for 20 minutes.

Selfish son.

Mick, I need you to cover me for half an hour.

You what?

I need half an hour.

You've got no chance.

I resign then.

You can't do that.

I can.

OK, half and over, that's all.

Thanks.