Original subtitles

Cheers, Horace. See ya. See ya.

You got your float and your phone, Dav?

Little access to his grandad. Hey, grandad.

Can you make a noise like a frog for us? And you got your medication?

Grandad says, bugger off.

He says, wouldn't you want me to sound like a frog for?

Little lad says, cuss me, dad says, as soon as me grandad croaks, we can all go

to Florida.

Cos there's a party after work, so you'll have to remember to give yourself

own two o 'clock tablets, all right?

Here you go.

See you later.

Bye.

You've got a minute.

I'm down there. I hope someone's got the cake in on me.

Sylvia? What about a party?

Oh, no, we're off to see our Jake at three.

All right.

Say hello to him, won't you?

No, I will do. Where are you two off?

Come on.

How much have you bought?

Party's only a couple of hours.

Let's get some more, I guess.

Be quick.

You're going to get spotted.

They really, really couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery, could they? Right,

let's see your surprise face again before we go in.

Oh!

Mark?

Mark? Yeah?

How long's there been a broken window in the canteen?

What? Side window, it's broken.

I haven't a clue what goes on round here. Yeah, right on.

You could have tipped me off. If she had weed and own and she'd be dead.

Thanks,

Trude.

Right, well, come on.

That never used to happen, you see, because the cost of shipping stuff went

through the roof.

Not if you're in Europe.

Put him right now in Europe. We've got the most expensive haulage in the world.

There's road tax, diesel tax, bloody fresh air tax.

Yeah, yeah, but what's to stop you sticking your headquarters in Calais and

running all the same contracts from there?

I mean, you know, they could try and stop you, but, you know, if you did,

just cause a riot. Sorry, I can't go on. I'm boring myself to death. You're not.

Mac!

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday, Mr.

Preston.

Happy birthday to you.

It's nothing to do with me.

The dog roughed you.

I meant him.

Sneaky bitch.

I knew she'd come early if she thought he was enjoying himself.

I told her about the party.

She's not meant to be picking him up till four o 'clock.

I stuck the whiskey in the filing cabinet.

McIntosh text... You coming in for one? The office is closed now.

If you want to leave a message, we'll get back to you as soon as possible.

Horace Crandall.

I'm trying to get hold of Trudy Graham.

If anyone's picking this up, can Trudy ring Horace as soon as possible?

Horace, it's me. What?

Oh, Trudy, love, I'm sorry.

I thought you were due home being a Friday.

I've been waiting here for you.

Is Dad there, Horace?

No, I'm really sorry, Trudy.

He's died.

You'd best come home.

I brought you some more stock, Trudy.

I thought he was asleep.

Do you want me to take the flowers?

When we buried my dad, I just remember thinking I wouldn't be that upset.

We were pretty close, but I knew he wanted to go.

Mine didn't.

Right.

Didn't you say your sister was coming?

And other people, yeah.

It is ten o 'clock.

Excuse me, this isn't John the Divine, is it?

Mark,

come on!

Are you all right, love?

And Grandad goes to the kid, why are you so keen to turn me into a frog? And the

kid says, because my dad says that when you croak, we can all go to Florida.

We rented the room.

For God's sake, Trudy.

But he left Macintosh with a pension.

A state pension.

Which never got touched.

It's in a savings account from work.

Which accumulated interest because he didn't need it because he drew funds

the flower business.

Don't know about that.

He did.

We never talked about money, Janice.

Shall I go?

Well, actually, we could do with discussing things in private. No, Matt,

all right. You've half a drink left.

Because if it's anything other than 50 -50, that's not fair.

Well, no, in fact... Well, no, if it's splitting anybody's favour, it should be

mine. I mean, you've lived here rent -free.

You earn £2 .90 a week, which you've been banking for...

11 years.

11 years without expenses.

Janice, Trevor, do you think it's wise going through all this today?

Or at all in front of a boyfriend neither of us has ever met before?

I'm Trudy's boss, James McIntosh.

Your dad worked for my dad, so I'm no stranger.

But I tell you what I do know.

I do know she's taken out loans to pay for surgery that your dad was never told

about because he would have refused to go private.

Fine. But none of that materialises on paper, does it?

Materialises on paper, you miserable arsehole. She's just buried him and

driving a bloody bus through it. It was my father too. Mac, it's not worth

getting wound up about.

Everything my dad left me is yours.

Anything you want, all of it if you want, take it. Trudy, don't be so... I

need it, I don't want it. Trudy, you need to think about... The only stuff I

need is up here.

And that's what you can't stand, isn't it, Janice?

She worked her socks off taking care of him.

You're a bloody disgrace.

Come on, come on.

You'll be all right, eh?

Ascending to the first bit is always the hard bit.

You did very well.

Very, very well.

Jesus, I hope you're never this stupid with my money. Oh, well, no, I'm

brilliant with other people.

Oh, damn!

I left my faggot in the house.

Excuse me, mate.

Mac! You've got a spare ciggy.

Don't! Go on, mate. Look, mate, I'll tell you what, I'll give you fiver.

Fiver for your fags.

We've only got four in the packet, for God's sakes.

Cheers, mate.

I'm stupid with money. We could have been at that petrol station in two

Yeah, I know, but that's that way, and we're walking this way. Come on.

Oh, Trudy.

Trudy, do you fancy coming for a drink tonight?

Oh, no, I don't. Just to wind down.

I was just saying.

Wouldn't it be great if Trudy came?

Nobody's getting dressed up or anything.

Oh, OK.

Well, thanks.

Brilliant.

Come in.

Where are we going to go?

That way, that.

You mad?

You're entitled to at least a week off for bereavement.

I didn't come back to work the three weeks after Neil died.

Yeah, but that's a bit different to somebody... Not that it's not awful that

your dad died.

But Neil ran his 20s and you had three kids. Well, it's still a day.

No, I'd rather be in work than round the house sorting bags out.

You had a lot of that to do. Well, my dad ordered stuff like, you can't move

his room, and I'm looking at it going, God, I'm going to need a JCB. Give us a

shout, Trudy, if you want our doing, you know. Well, I've got a skip order

Saturday. Can't Saturday. What was her name?

That flaky one kept kidding everyone about her dad dying to get time off.

Pamela.

Pamela Whittaker.

And when he did keel over, she couldn't even mention it because she'd lied that

often. She had to work the day they buried him.

Found her in the toilets, crying.

This seat's anybody's.

No, take it.

Cheers.

What'd they call you, then?

I meant take it.

Well, if you let me buy you a cocktail.

Bye, though, and I'll draw your map home to your mum.

You've got your foot on Trudy's back.

Least you've a chance to get out a bit more now. Oh, I got out before when I

wanted to.

Listen, don't get stuck in on your own.

Yvonne's always needing babysitters and they're good kids, so you wouldn't have

ample, would you?

I could paper a living room off you, though.

Are you good like that? I'm terrible at decorating.

Sooner watch a bloke do it any day.

No, it was meant to be a joke, you stupid cow.

Am I in trouble?

Because I didn't mean anything by what... No, no, no, sit down, Frida.

I'm taking three weeks off.

Yeah? With an office supervisor standing in, but she won't do wages. If I showed

you how to do it, which is dead simple, would you do the timesheet to calculate

the wages and help Mac out on payday?

So I'd come off machines?

Yeah, only Thursdays, Fridays.

Three weeks, that's all.

How much?

Fifty a day.

I can earn more than that sewing.

You can, but you don't.

Can't ever put me back into it. Which you haven't for a while.

Oh, well, look, I'd have to think about this. It could be a day. Fine. Great.

Hello? Going away?

Honestly, Trudy, last night, nobody meant out by it.

Trudy's going to be... I know.

Hello?

I thought you'd gone back to Leicester.

I did, and I'm back.

Trudy, I am sorry about what came out. I just... I think I was more upset than I

expected to be.

What for?

It's half of what Dad stashed away in cash.

I don't want it all.

I am sorry what I said, I just...

Well, just take it, please.

And you've come back just for this?

Stay in the house as long as you want. The rest we split down the middle,

including the work, sorting it all out.

You don't know, do you?

How much trouble you're in.

I beg your pardon?

Your house, whose names are in?

It's in mine's.

Both. What are you on about?

Trevor views the deeds against some property thing that's fallen apart.

You're going to lose it.

Where have you got this from?

He rang me dad a fortnight or so back, asking to borrow 15 grand for an

investment. He didn't want you to know. Me dad sent him packing. Then he got his

solicitor to credit check Trevor.

He's put the house up as collateral with a firm that's gone bust.

If you don't know that, then he's been forging your signature somewhere.

Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't Dad?

Because you'd have thought that I was saying it to hurt you, because I've

liked Trevor, which I'm not, because I love you.

Just... don't rush into selling this place.

All right.

Janice, that's my taxi.

I'm going away for a couple of weeks.

Hello. Can you give me five minutes?

Thank you.

Will you be all right?

Trudy Graham for Mr. Doylan.

Right, take a seat, please.

Do you

smoke?

No.

So what am I smelling?

Five a day.

Some people use an operation as an incentive to pack it in.

Which you won't?

No. OK.

Are you nervous?

A bit, yeah.

I'll do the operation first thing, so you need to get an early night.

Will you use sedatives?

Will I be allowed a drink?

What's your drink?

Whiskey. One or two maximum. Nothing after 10pm.

Oh, right.

Well, I'll need a sedative then.

No, you can't have both.

Right. Well, in that case, I'll stick with the whiskey.

You'll be fine, Mrs Graham.

I'll see you in the morning.

I'm all in.

Ready?

Very gentle eyeliner.

Now, you see how it accentuates Margaret better?

Absolutely, yeah. I think it's an amazing difference.

Margaret, how do you think you're going to look when we show you the mirror?

Well, I'm optimistic, obviously. You know, you said that.

Well, let your mind have it.

Oh, wow!

Well done!

It hurts.

And I'm aching. It just hurts.

It's your own skin stretching to accommodate the implants.

Well, I can't bring him back, can I?

I can't just snap my fingers and bring him back and stop it hurting, can I?

How's the temperature?

A bit spiky this afternoon, but more or less settled.

Pain relief?

She hasn't requested any.

Mrs Graham, I'm going to prescribe some analgesics.

If you're in this much pain, you really should have told the nurse. There's

absolutely no need for all this.

And we'll give you something to help you relax.

I'm joking. I'm not rich.

I'm not rich because I'm daft enough to pay what I owe. Listen to it. Richard

Branson. The only people I know who are rich are either squeezing the workers or

squeezing the tax.

I think he must be paying mine, actually. I've just got a rebound.

No, Neil Kinnock. You sound like Neil Kinnock.

I know I'm beginning to look like him and all the bloody hair's falling out

stress. It's only Jesus, Luke.

Mark.

It's urgent.

Excuse me.

Hello?

James Graham?

No. Husband of Trudy Graham?

What about her?

You're not meant to be interested.

And if you do discuss it, well, it's none of your business.

And don't you get to change? Thank you. A bit of a nod.

Same at work. You take time off and the whole place falls apart without you.

Which is like, ha!

But you get nothing.

like I've never worked a PBX because I'm covering five or six lines at once and

that's just me. There's nobody but me.

And all this shit about anyone could do wages with their bloody eyes shut is

basic arithmetic.

He knows how much I do.

And he thinks she's got a gift.

He knows she's not.

He works three feet away and I've got to pretend she's lovely and she's not.

She's an out and out and out and out and out and out and out cow.

NatWest gold card.

Amex card.

Diners card.

I know because all her stuff goes through all the business.

She's never done a day's work in her life.

I just like anything that moves.

Everything.

Any one piece there?

You nearly had my job last night, madam.

Just the medication we put you on could have floored the pair of us.

Somebody will be in with them soon.

I'm on your file next of kin.

I had to put someone.

I didn't want to put Janice. Who's anything?

I didn't think they'd use it. Shagging anything that moves.

That's what you were shouting when I came.

Somebody I pay wages to.

I need to know, Trudy.

I can't.

I'll sack everybody if I have to.

Mark.

If you're there, pick it up.

It's Trudy.

If you're there, pick it up.

He knows. I've told him.

Not deliberately, but I've told him. I thought I'd best warn you. I don't hate

you that much.

Ring me on my mobile as soon as you get this.

0402 224 103.

Big mistake. You need rest, supervision.

I have to go home.

Why can't you go home and come back?

Because I should never have come in the first place.

Right, you've paid 2 ,000. That's 2 ,675 remaining.

How would you like to pay?

Matt, don't.

Matt, come on. I'm supposed to be meeting Susie. I just want a hug.

What's the matter?

Have I upset you?

No.

Matt, I'm supposed to be meeting Susie.

She won't.

Susie wouldn't mind.

She'd take on a sixpence if she knew you were coming.

Did you

bring

my bag in?

This is an operation.

I'll pay you.

Do you want to go through these messages?

No.

Some of them are fairly urgent. You might need... No.

If you're wishing you hadn't asked me to do this, I'm happy going back on my

machine.

No.

You were on holiday.

I am.

What happened?

Nothing.

I can't believe it.

If your marriage collapses, you're meant to get at least one day feeling sorry

for yourself.

What was wrong with your tits anyway?

Tits are cringed just thinking about it.

Somebody like you, of all people, would go and chuck good money at mutilation.

You couldn't have picked the word time.

Take your car.

Well, that didn't belong to me either.

I've told him not to come back for me till he's got the documents saying the

house still belongs to me.

He won't.

Well, he won't come back then, will he?

I can eat.

Well, you can't not.

Just eat the chips if you don't want me again.

Good, solid, wholesome 7 .5.

Seeing where you're supposed to be putting it.

Did you open a red?

I thought we were having white.

I stuck it in the fridge.

Where?

Robin. Thanks for dinner.

Helen didn't leave her mobile around there, did she?

Don't bother ringing back unless it's good news.

Thanks again, and see you soon.

Catherine, if you're there, pick it up.

It's Trudy.

If you're there, pick it up.

He knows. I've told him. Not deliberately, but I've told him. I

warn you. I don't hate you that much.

Ring me on my mobile as soon as you get this.

040...

Selfish rotten bitch! Matt? I know. I've told him. He knows, you know. You

couldn't wait, could you? That's not true. Look, Matt. Your job's gone,

Understand.

You're off the map. I don't want to see you again.

Move away from the door, Matt, and then I can open it. What the hell are you

trying to do to me? You move your foot!

You've been jealous of her from day one because you're her body secretary and

she's not because you've got lovewood in this pit watching your dad die because

she's beautiful and you're having to pay to get yourself butchered. But bloody

hell, breast implants!

But for what? For me?

You think I'd be a bit bloody interested?

Look at the state of you, you stupid, selfish bitch!

I've done nothing wrong, Mac.

What do you mean I couldn't wait to tell you? You should ask me how long it's

taken. But you won't, will you?

But if you think you're going to take my job away from me just like that, you've

got another thing coming.

You've got to put it in writing on a termination notice, green form, third

drawer down in the filing cabinet on the left of your back to the window.

Then watch me take it to a tribunal and then see how far you get not answering

anybody's questions.

I haven't told you anything you didn't already know, Mac.

And if you're happy living like that, well, like you said, nothing to do with

me. But I don't understand it because I think she's wrecking your life.

And you know she is, and you must be a total bleeding masochist to put up with

it. But none of my business. So, fine.

I've never asked any questions because you've obviously got no answers. So,

fine. But I've done nothing wrong, Mac.

What's wrong with me thinking more of you than she does?

For your information, I'm not interested in you.

I did this for me.

Years back, maybe, but not now. You're the walkover, Mac.

Don't you dare make me feel like a freak because I've shown you some respect.

That's your problem, not mine.

I'm twice the woman she is. I know that for a fact.

You're leaking.

Did they give you any dressing? Yeah, in my overnight bag in my bedroom.

The only bloke you know lets himself be treated like shit.

You bend over backwards for.

What does that make you, for God's sakes?

I just don't understand why you put up with it.

Somebody like you would absolutely, definitely be a 100 % improvement if you

walked into my life and changed it for me.

I... Ten hours a day together for the last 11 years. I have never wished for

second you weren't there.

But I love her.

I know you do.

What do you get back?

More than I'd have if she wasn't there.

How do you know?

Move to the left.

And turn to the right.

It's two.

Witch.

Look at the back, long -sleeved shirt.

Look over to the left in a short jacket.

This one.

Hiya. Hello.

Hiya. Bloody hell, need air conditioning in here, don't they?

When you're ready, mate.

Can I get your drinks?

Oh, we'll sort ourselves out, thanks.

No offence.

Just misfeeding the signals there.

No offence, but, yeah.

Is it me or does everybody walk back to the museum?

No,

men do look.

Definitely look.

But your clothes are tighter than you'd normally wear.

Your hair's done.

You've more make -up on. So?

So how do you know you've got what you paid for?

I mean, you could have found a bloke without going through an operation.

No, I'm not looking for a bloke.

Not a bloke.

You're not just a bloke. It's about... I got stuck

on Mac for ages and it... Everybody moves on and I stayed put.

Looking awkward because I was feeling it. Then looking more awkward because

everyone got used to it and they expected me to.

You don't love them? No.

But I know people think I do, and it makes me have to behave like somebody

been dumped, and it really gets on my t... Nobody

believes me if I ever say I'm happy.

I want you to change, Janice.

Some people, they can just say it right and fire off. You always could.

I have to be full.

Welcome back.

Thank you.

Do you feel OK?

I feel great, yeah.

No, you get yourself settled, I'll get that.

Hello, McIntosh Textile.

Well, how are you, Judy?

Are you looking well?

Thanks. Nice break.

Brilliant.

Possibly one more, please.

Thank you both.

Nothing?

No.

Shepard, driver, okay.

Thanks, Judah.

Twist. Twist.

Sticking. Twist.

Twist.

Both of them.

What's so funny?

Nothing. Come on.

Well, come on, for God's sake. Who else has been away on holiday and come back

with a pair of knockers two sizes bigger?

You have, haven't you?

So? Right.

Two quid all of you. No, I were on your side.

OK, you and you. Come on.

You could have had me got hers done. She loved it.

Did it hurt?

Yeah.

You reckon it's worth it?

Not yet.

Glad you did it.

I think I am now, yeah.

Can't you get along for that stuff?

Oh, I'd hate that feeling of having something inside you all the time.

In your dreams, Frida.

Good on you, Trudy. Frida's only jealous because her fits need a steam iron

because she can get them out.

You coming for your drink after work?

Oh, I'm... Oh, come on. We've got a kiss to be your name on it, haven't we,

Freda? Oh, I can't. I'm out with me sister.

Twist.

Boss?

Tenner, if I'm guessing I'm right. I want me gobs on his feet.

Tenner?

You're pregnant.

I could tell.

The minute he came up to her.

Come on, I'll say anything.

Twenty.

Eh?

I'm having twins.

You know how you... What's funny about that?

You

all

right? Bastards.

No gas!

When did you do all this?

Well, it'll pay the bills, won't it? It'll pay mine.

And all these businessmen desperate to avoid divorces were going spare, weren't

you? It's £12 .50, please. Thank you.

Cheers.

Have you eaten?

Hot noodle and a bit of dental floss by accident.

Bye. Every time I stuck anything in the mic, another car pulled by.

Lovely. Yeah, keep them out of direct sunlight and you'll get another day or

out of these at least.

Cheers.

You're that funny fella that delivers the flowers.

Morrie. Horrie.

We said he'd come tomorrow about seven.

Well, he does.

Well, is he safe?

He's normally seven on the dot.

Trudy, I haven't worked in ten years and only starts being Richard and Judy.

My dad always reckoned he could charge more first thing.

How come?

God, this is just what I needed. That's why I'm famished.

Oh.

He said, and I know he could talk himself into anything, but he reckoned

blokes buying flowers first thing were the ones on their way to work.

So they must be buying flowers for their secretaries. So they must be having

affairs because they've always got wedding rings on.

So he'd bung an extra 50p on the toll and they were never any the wiser. Where

at?

Guys buying last minute were buying for their wives. So you were wasting your

breath chatting anyone up after five.

Yeah, but I'm really crappy in the mornings.

I've got a date.

Not from work?

No.

Stationery rep.

We used to see him every other week, but then he changed firms, so we lost

touch. And what did he say? Well, I rang him.

Why?

Because it's something I've never done before.

I said, are you Sean? It's Trudy Graham from Macintosh. How are you?

He goes, oh, well, I thought you'd lost me number. Are you changing firms? I

said, no. We're happy with the stationery, but I was wondering if you

and you fancied a drink one night after work. He goes, right.

Yeah.

OK. Well, was there a phone like that? Yeah.

Look, that doesn't mean anything if he's in the car on a mobile and he hasn't

heard from me for over a year.

OK.

Don't worry if you're busy, but I was thinking Thursday, cos Friday I'm busy

weekend my sister's up.

You must have scared him to death.

Oh, well, he's coming, picking me up.

You'll have to hide.

How long do you like your rice bowl for?

Fifteen minutes.

You can't afford this thrill.

You'll have another one. If I don't go now, I never will!

Oh, my God! David, that's the others! Yes!

You've got the others!

Max never hit you, so don't give me that. I would. the kids if he had,

then at least he'd have reacted.

Have you been to the solicitors?

Working for who?

Catherine! Catherine and?

They won't tell me!

Mac's wife's lived in it.

She owns a building.

She's having it valued.

That's all I know.

We need to know what you're thinking, Mac.

People are getting really scared.

She's right. She could have won it in the first place.

Why don't you want it better than what we've had?

What's wrong with you?

This building will be closed from 6 .30 tonight.