Original subtitles

Julie.

Julie.

Julie.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

I'll call you again.

I'll call you again.

I don't know. I don't know anybody. He only moved in a fortnight ago.

Is it the five stars at the front or the back? Do you know? No idea.

Back, I think.

First boom came from the back.

That would be the team. Your mum's been taken to Whittington. Shock, mainly.

They'll probably keep her in.

Thanks. Any ideas what happened tonight?

No.

My mum was babysitting.

I was out at the park.

I've had pictures.

You say you thought the front was on fire before the back caught light?

Yeah. But some of the neighbours reckon that the back went up first.

I don't know.

Can we do that tomorrow, mate? I need to get the kids sorted, really. They're

staying here for the time being.

Well, look at them. They're wrecked.

Get your face wet.

You're in my bed, Charlie.

I'm on here.

Share with your mum.

You can't do that. It's your house.

It's my house, and I say where I'm kipping, and I'm kipping here.

Go on, Charlie, hop in. I've changed the sheets.

I've got to change your clothes for morning, sleeping bag.

So we're sorted, aren't we?

I told the coppers that I heard the explosion from your bedroom.

And when I got outside, I saw you pulling up with your mate, Clown 2.

Right. Which is bollocks.

Because I saw the parier creeping through the garden just before the fire

off.

I saw you shoot off through the playground just before the first

So tell them what you want, but you better say something similar or you're

deep shit, aren't you?

The kids weren't meant to be in the house.

You nearly killed them, you stupid bitch. They were meant to be at my mum's

house. Well, you could have checked.

What did you talk to your own house for?

Insurance? No!

Yeah.

I've forgotten your name.

You never asked. I've been here a fortnight.

It's Jim.

Jim, I swear, I'd never do anything to harm my kids.

They were sleeping at my mum's house. Jessica got stomach cramps, so she

them home.

We were being evicted by my ex.

He wanted us out by the end of the month.

I spent five years doing that house up. We were going to walk away with nothing.

I'm working double shift tomorrow.

Alarm code 0090.

Yale key snags a bit.

If you can't find what you want, just root through the boxes.

Make sure the kids are all right.

We do a course every couple of years, yeah. Give us a ping -pong against it.

You want another little quick one?

No,

she was just... I just got her out.

Can you try not smiling, Charlie?

Great. Only like that.

Just

say

the word, Bonnie!

Do it, Kilroy.

I find myself shrugging off the fittest, most attractive blots with the most

enormous slonkers.

Might I be a lesbian?

Call our 0999 number. Now, give us your thoughts. Straight, leather, smooth like

a munch.

Well, no -one tells me out, do they?

Your mum all right?

A bit shocked.

She'll be fine.

Look, I didn't ask.

People volunteered, whipped round and... Matt, I don't want to whip round.

Really, I don't.

We'll be fine, we're just... Well, the insurance have given us a contingency

payment for essentials. Look, I don't want... Yvonne, you've lost everything.

People just want to help and we can't go giving it back, can we?

Not for essentials.

Cheer yourself up, cheer the kids up, yeah?

He's not going to say anything.

How do you know?

Because you'd have done it already.

You don't even know him.

I knew, I knew this was going to go bad.

He said, there, that was a really nice house.

And you asked him, but he didn't show any.

And that's a woman with three kids looking for somewhere to live. You're

I'm mental for getting involved.

Every time anybody asks me about it, I go bright red.

Well, don't.

Julie. The only people who know about this are you and your woman. Right now,

he's the least of my worries.

Charming. Well, look at you. And look at you.

You're not even sorry.

How can I tell my kids sorry if it was meant to be a bloody accident?

You couldn't be sorry to me.

You knew what you were getting involved with, Julie.

Here we go. Fall down the open, Demi McGee.

What happened to you? Took the time to dress?

I had to go home.

You left your coat.

You left your bag.

I thought you both copped, but there weren't any members.

Thank God.

I had a fire pack.

Jesus.

That Yvonne.

I thought they meant Yvonne Gleeson.

I said, no offence, but I don't want to chuck into a whip round for that drunken

old boo.

Fancy a drink?

When? Back on at four, finish at seven, home for a shower.

That's you fancy a shower.

You're not coming to the party tonight?

It's going to be a laugh. It's not going to be a laugh. It's going to be this

lot from here, all dressed up like pillars.

Beer twice the price it normally is and everybody desperate to have a good time

because they paid eight and a half quid for the ticket.

Oh, you'll be a scream to have around.

I always go to the party after.

Come on, Debbie.

All your instincts are saying smile back. Say yes.

They're not, you know.

Bye.

Give us a call.

Strudel. Yeah?

Potato strudel.

Charlie!

Don't get your sandwich. Charlie, turn it down!

We've all stopped working!

You've got this!

Coming up to 20... Hello?

I'm ringing about the flat.

Well, it says two bedrooms. Can you tell me what size the second bedroom is?

Thank you.

Hiya. Hiya.

Sorry, I, uh, left me watching the thing.

Washer works.

Boiler works.

No monoxide dodging it like you get in film.

Shower's a bit flaky.

Fix that.

Bath's A1.

Wiring, very good.

Very good.

Damp? Never. Too high up.

And what do we eat? With the furniture.

Tell you what.

Telly's meant to be 580 a week. I can waive that if you're interested.

I tell you what, up your arse, pal. What did I say? You should be ashamed of

yourself. That is disgusting.

What's wrong with it? You're cheating.

Do you have bedrooms?

This is one bedroom split three ways.

You've advertised this is fit for a family.

Do you know, I've wasted my dinner break on five miles of petrol coming out

here. You wouldn't root bloody dogs in a skip like that.

You're talking about you.

We live downstairs. This is better than ours.

Oh, come on. I thought you were shaping up. It's like watching Tango.

Useless.

Sue,

Yvonne. Oh, that Yvonne.

Hiya. Maria, Kev reckons your place might be going up for rent.

Yeah, I'm moving to Sheffield for a while.

Picked your window with a view of the prison.

I'm hoping it's going to be short -term. Nine months at the most.

I did have takers, but they just pulled out.

It's a nice place. Three bedrooms, and I'm only asking seven cents. That sounds

great for me. I'm not after making any money on it. I just want someone in that

will look after it, really.

Oh, well, Yvonne's perfect.

You just burn her place down.

It's not funny, Kev. It was a joke.

Jesus, you want steroids a lot.

Come round tomorrow.

Any time after six.

Little blither.

Well, I didn't tidy up this morning.

Did you?

Because you're tidied up.

We only slept when I was going to go up tonight.

It's done now.

I thought you didn't finish all of that.

You used all my hours up. Right.

Well, I'm just going to cook some tea if that's OK.

You want some?

I'm out. I'm seeing a mate.

OK.

Listen, Jim, we're going to be out from under your feet. Bathroom's booked for

20 minutes.

What's going on?

Michael.

Well, that's convenient. Next door.

No.

You're staying next door.

No. I asked you to piss off.

A week later, the bloody house goes up. What, you think we burnt your house down

because you asked us to leave?

I'm not saying we anything.

I'm saying you.

Police know it were an accident.

The insurance know it were an accident. And who gets the contents payout? You.

Well, who paid the contents premiums? Me.

I can see you, Carol.

She's thin as a rake and that's five months pregnant.

If anybody's after your poxy money, it's her.

You've got ten grand, Alice.

Half them contents were mine. Up your arse, Michael.

Out.

I don't need protection from him.

Sling it up, pal. Hey, you're shagging your way up the block, Avon. On your

bike. To touch my bloody arse. Well, you're lucky to be alive, Michael,

you? Throwing your own kids out on the street.

Is that what she told you?

They're not my kids, mate.

Guy there belonged to six foot under.

Topped incense.

Cuss him out.

Come on. Come on. Yeah? Try that again.

Go. Come on. Go.

Is he your mate?

Well, he shouldn't really talk to people like that, should he?

All right?

Jim, I'm really sorry.

We're looking at a new place tomorrow and I swear to God we'll be out from

your feet.

Don't worry about it. The place goes to waste when I'm not here, so it's no

big... How come you got lumbered with Rocky?

Three kids, nowhere to live.

Fairly straightforward, really.

His suggestion.

First husband's dead.

I've only had one.

How?

Don't matter.

I'd be keeping the bills in my name and you'd have to make a standing order to

me. I'm not being funny, I just have to be sure they're being paid.

Oh, I've never not paid anybody.

Well, assuming you're happy. Oh, no, this is brilliant.

I mean... Oh, it's brilliant.

And you won't show it to anybody else?

No, no.

Are you too happy with that?

Yes. That's great.

Where are you going, Sheffield?

Adele?

That's none of your business.

Oh, the only thing I'll be taking is the beds.

You need beds.

Hello?

I'm getting one.

Casa? He has got legs.

My message to the people who have got cockerels over there... Sorry, I can't

to the phone. Please leave a message after the tone and I'll call you back.

Lies. Wendy said you were down the ball last night, miserable as sin. She

reckons you need cheering up. So I thought I'd just let you know I've just

two Scathoff flights back to back with no knickers on. Well, not they haven't

got any, but Wendy bought us all this edible underwear back from Sydney and

just eaten a strawberry low -cut bra and a cappuccino g -string in the time it

took the first passenger to finish a lamb stew.

Charlie, you shouldn't be listening to that.

but she's not sure she wants Caroline there. And then Caroline rang saying,

you're great, it's about the party, but she'd rather spend the night with you.

Anyway, the rest of it's written down because I don't want to repeat it.

I left the answering machine on. Well, I couldn't find the volume, so I turned

it off.

Have you talked to any of these?

Edible knickers.

Who did you say you were?

I told her I was a refugee from a house far next door and that I don't really

know you and I don't really live here. What did she say?

How old are you? I said I was 14. She put the phone down. There you go.

Enjoy the party.

What are you doing at dinner?

You get a mortgage cheaper than rent.

When Neil died, we had debts.

They repossessed the house. My name went on the blacklist.

Give me one.

Well, if you need somewhere big enough and you can only afford half that size,

and I'm sick to death of living at my mum's, and I'm thinking, why not?

We could move in together.

Well, look, that's... It's really nice of you, Julie, but I'm sorted.

Where?

Carefully to your sister -in -law, Sue.

Diet food woman.

Oh. Well, thanks for telling me.

Look, no offence, Julie.

I just can't afford to rely on other people anymore.

messages on the pad for you.

Hiya.

Leave my stuff. Forget it. Don't let the laundry out. At least I can do it.

You're not taking money.

Take advantage of it whilst you can.

Do you tell Adele?

I've got a baseline on the age of me women and it's not 14, so she can stop

looking so bloody threatening.

She went in the bathroom cabinet for a plaster and found a packet of condoms

she said, she said, well, at least he's not spreading anything.

Cheeky sod.

How old was he?

28. No, when he died.

28 weeks following.

Of what?

Overdose. Drugs?

Paracetamol.

Oh, nobody ever really explained it to me.

It's manic depressive.

Up, down.

Me old mum's quite blind. It was normal before he met me, but his dad's a bit

more on it.

What about Rocky next door?

We kind of knew each other from school.

And he liked the kids.

Not their level, spent money on them.

Oh, 18 months, and I was really happy again, which felt like a miracle, to be

honest.

Then, er... One Sunday, I, um... I have a bit of a word with his mum about

giving the kids too many sweets. No big deal.

But that night, I'm waking up, and he's trying to give me a good hiding.

He told me out of the blue.

Never done it before.

And I'm going, oh, sod, this is only my side. So I worked him back.

Good on you.

Only once have I splintered his nose.

Oh, he was sparking out.

The morning after, his nose was like this. He can't face me.

He went to work that day and never came back.

Stopped all the direct debits.

Had the phone cut off.

Never spoke to me again till he phoned to tell me he'd got somebody pregnant.

Which I... I bet she's not.

Just wanted the house back.

And how old are you?

32. You're a liar.

No, I am. I'm 32.

I took 43. Does you some favours, eh?

Did you open them? No, it says on the back.

They were not open till the 12th.

And they look like cards.

Sorry.

I'm only a swan, sir.

I don't apologise.

Whenever you're here for me.

You definitely know how I practise.

Jeff. What?

Can I just say something?

Yeah.

Will you be quick and get this wallpaper off?

It's given us all headaches.

Don't dawdle. You'll just about make it.

Off you go. Be good.

Try.

I saw you coming out of his room.

I was just taking him a cup of tea. I know, and you went in there without

knocking.

And you went in there without knocking.

Go through the window.

He did what?

He did what I asked him to.

I got drunk and I asked him, all right. You must be bloody desperate.

Well, that was the whole point, Julie.

And how do you feel about it now?

I, uh... Well, that's about it.

You're looking a bit rough this morning.

You said so as well, didn't you? I said pale.

Oh, all right, I said rough, but I wouldn't have repeated it.

Sorry. Who's playing?

I'm watching.

Okay, you can book copies for £20.

Here we go.

Oh, my God.

Not in other people's cars or don'ts. And what have I told you? Don't get

milkshake. You're always spilling. It's going to stink now.

You don't forget so much.

Well, he's not exactly an environmentalist, are you? Every time he

we lose the rain for it. Hey!

Yeah, well, we're leaving on Saturday. So how much do your other guests do?

Oh!

One more. Come on.

Come on, Charlie boy.

Where'd that come from?

Hiya. Hiya.

Hi.

Oh.

Where'd all this come from?

We did after with Virgin Airways.

I've just bought all the sales. Come on, Charlie boy.

No.

No. No, Jack.

Come on!

No chance!

Ah!

Three quid? Where's these? Two?

50p a shot! 50p a goal?

No, you said 50p a shot! Where'd Johnny get that shirt from?

Asda. They both hit. You are a shark! How old are you?

Got a drink on?

No, I'll just do this and get off to bed.

Quick, one before you vanish?

Honestly, I don't post anything.

Go on.

I really want to say something.

Going to make a fool of myself now?

We're getting on all right, aren't we?

Jim, I know what's coming next and I don't want to hear it. What?

I'll be ashamed to spoil everything.

I don't want you to go.

You're not getting in anybody's way here, are you?

All of us.

Here with you.

Why not?

We've had sex twice.

I'm not talking about the sex, but listen, get me on the subject, and you

definitely not out of practice.

We fit together, Yvonne.

I like you being around, Yvonne.

I'm not saying it's perfect for you, but it's not bad, is it?

What's wrong with me?

It takes somebody a lot more qualified than either of us to sort you out.

You're a 35 -year -old bachelor with more birds than a battery farm.

I'm not saying I want you to go on the lift.

I'm talking about you and me and, you know, the kids are fitting in like

always lived here, which they have.

You can do who you like, what you like, when you like, and you want to blow all

that to put a roof over our heads.

What do you get out of it?

You. No.

You get a family.

You'd swap all that for a family. I'm saying I've thought about all that and

it's not a problem. Yeah, well, I'm saying you must be wrong in the head.

Go on, ring five of your mates and ask them how normal you sound.

Woman, three kids, settling down.

I'd send a bleeding ambulance for you.

I don't know how I do it.

I must have that kind of faith. I can't look at a bloke without him chucking out

at me.

Well, no, not just blokes. I had a girl at work offering me a house and a

mortgage the other day.

Do I look like I need that much help? Because I don't.

And if you're that desperate for a family to be in charge of, Jim, go out

get your own.

I also thank you. Yes.

Bye, Jim.

Thanks.

That dandruff.

Ha, ha.

Good luck, you bun.

Oh, I've just got mine.

I hope Sheffield goes OK, though.

Right. You go make the bed, though. Me and Charlie will go get some fish and

chips. Ooh, health food. Great.

Will you quit moaning?

Julie? Julie?

Are you up for one tonight?

I'm aerobic until half nine. Give it a miss.

I miss last week.

Well, you don't look like you've lost any weight to me.

Thanks, Frida.

It's not for weight. It's for fitness.

Well, run for pub.

Check her out. She needs a drink.

Come on. Talk and work.

If you can't do both, do the one pays the rent.

I know what I've heard, and that's fine, Julie.

I don't care what you're into.

What I don't want is to stop being friends because of him.

You're not friends.

I'm just somebody you dragged down, and it suits you.

I never dragged you behind.

I was the only one daft enough to help you. You're the only person I trusted

enough to have.

Because I knew you wouldn't let me down as a friend.

I'd do the same for you any day.

Don't your mum's house do it?

You silly cow.

Why did you sleep with him?

I slept with him because I saw him with a semi -uncus in the landing that

morning.

You want me to stop telling you stuff like that now, say so? I'm not.

Right, well, shut up, then.

This is ready.

Oh,

hiya.

Hey, first visitor.

Oh, great.

I'm doing that right. Come in, I'm just doing some food.

I've been asked to babysit.

For who?

For you.

What?

Here you go.

I don't think I've got a fair earring. How do you find Julie?

Tense.

Left it down the settee.

Every single thing you've said about me is based on somebody else's smell.

Well, if you've got snags, you've got snags, Jim. Yeah, I've got snags, but

the ones you're accusing me of.

Yvonne chalks up a few bad experiences so bad.

Men do this, men do that.

And all that looks only diving to a relationship because they want a family

bond. I said the men I get, the men I attract.

You attracted me. I know I'm not like that, so you must be wrong about

OK, kid, when did I say I like kids?

Have I got them? No. Did I want them? No. So why try pandering to mine? I

wasn't. I was making him feel welcome, but he deserved a break. What, you?

A break.

You? Something good in the life. You? What's wrong with me? Jesus!

A few days with you, you know, I've never had trouble with women. A week

you, I'm Boris Bleeding Karloff.

OK, OK.

Charlotte, eight -year -old.

What's good about being round an eight?

Playing soccer and having to lose.

Skid marks on the toilet seat.

I'd rather keep a dog.

Jessica, 12.

Opposite her, Charlie. No dialogue, no personality.

Just starting periods, fine.

Complicated history, fine. But that's when you can see her face. Because,

listen, somebody should tell her before it's too late. Either she straightens

her chest or she punctures her lung.

Then, Adele.

The fantastic Adele.

If you haven't got a point, you'd best shut your mouth, Jim. You said this

yourself. 14 going on 40, whose knuckles are cracking every time I open my mouth

to speak.

Never mind, I've saved their life.

Never mind I opened my house up to you. Never mind I let her put her hair

mousse, bath thingy, nail varnish, face cream, multicoloured stationery through

on my shopping bill. Jim's got a sex life, so he must be a perv. Day bloody

she's had a paedophile radar going beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Notched up at

ten. Ten plus.

I dare take a leak in my own house.

I don't mean, you know.

Make -up or no make -up, she walks round with her face like a clapped arse most

of the time. Which you're entitled to do if you've been through a string of

blokes who've all let you down badly. But she hasn't. You have.

And you encourage her. And you shouldn't.

You should let her be 14.

So, give me one good reason why you think I want a family.

Yours in particular. I don't.

So you're wrong.

Don't look at me like that. I'm more surprised than you are.

I just want you.

You hard -faced, arrogant, loud -mouthed prick. Not in here.

Take it outside. You dick!

Hard -faced prick!

Please take it outside. I'm going!

Sorry, mate.

I'm sorry, mate.

Talks about my kids like that.

No nobody like you gives opinions on my... Because who are you, Jim?

Single bloke with a house and a car.

Got three gifts.

You think that's one up on somebody like me, don't you? Look, we've called the

police. Good, get off me, because it's bloody not.

The only reason you're chasing me now, only reason tonight had to happen is

because you probably think I'm the only woman who's giving you the kiss off.

Get off me!

Because blokes like you...

Can only manage it with birds like her.

Or her. Or her. That's enough. Come on. I said, get off me or I'll whack you.

Just let me. Don't say anything else. Just let them.

All right. Here. Now, listen.

That's your boss.

He wants for all the damage. With all the damage there and your bill as well.

Right. Okay. And everything in the place. Can I have a receipt?

Keep it. That should do it.

Piss off!

All right, all right, I'm sorry. I take it back.

The kids are great, they are, they're great.

I'll stretch here a point to make a point, but you never let me finish! Oh,

you'll finish, pal.

This way goes back to the restaurant. We want about a million quid for the

damage.

How come I get all this when you let Laughing Boy past you?

You'd still be with him if he hadn't tried boxing.

I don't want to fall in love with your kids.

I didn't want to get involved with anybody.

Not yet, anyway.

Tip for you, mate. Don't go into social work, will you?

If I love you and your kids come with you, how can that not... If I love you,

how can that... It's a bleeding sight better than what they've been used to,

isn't it?

No.

No.

Makes me feel like a prostitute.

My kids only get your respect as long as I stay in your good books. Doing what?

Anything that don't put you in a bad mood.

Sex, shopping, sorting the bills out.

And when I forget, you go into a shop and I'm left wondering how long it'll be

before the novelty wears off and we're all back up the road with our bags.

Again.

I'm not doing it. I knew how to use the washing machine before you turned up.

That's not the point.

I'll always owe you.

Chuck, is your lighter?

what I do with it, Del.

What do I know?

Yeah.

Well, she gets scared because she knows I'm nothing, look.

You ever had sex like that? Oh, like you're getting up to compare it. Have

No. Because I haven't, and I've done a bit. I'm tired of all that shit.

I want somebody grown up. There's a lot of them about. Not like you.

I'm not looking anywhere else. I wasn't looking when you turned up.

And when you did, I definitely wasn't looking for somebody like you.

These things just happen, which it did.

Which is the first.

Well,

I'm not moving in with you.

Can we play it by ear?

Not if you're expecting it all to end up at your house. No.

I shouldn't have said that. I wish I'd never said it then.

Do you fancy me?

Well, obviously.

And you like me enough?

Yeah, I like you.

Enough?

Enough of what?

To stay the night.

Now and again.

We'll see how it goes.

I'm not booking any appointments.

Do you know if your girlfriend is on the pill?

Jason! You didn't show yourself up, did you?

I swear I forgot I won't say anything in work.

Max, why? What?

Mrs Catherine McIntosh.

The dirt, you filthy bitch.

Katie's a boy.

He's a little boy.

Not anymore.

She wants that to find out.

Why else pick on someone like Katie?

Watch yourself. It's lethal round here.

You know, I'll believe anything you tell me, Trudy.

Don't change that, will you?