Original subtitles

I'm going to lose that now.

Yeah, all right, all right. That's tough. Come on now, say it over.

I'll let you know in that corner, I can't be sure, all right?

Says me right, silly bugger, not concentrated.

So what's the latest, pal?

End of the week, loose expires in our place.

Bentham wants six figures.

What?

An artisan's dwelling.

That's what my bloody house is.

An artisan's dwelling.

I thought Victoria was going to sort him out. Yeah, so did I.

There we go.

Now, this is obviously to our advantage.

I can go back to Linton with your offer, and he has to consider it. He has no

choice. Well, who wants to live in a leper colony anyway?

I'm sorry. Mum, will all that...

Poisonous nuclear fuel spitting into the water.

Toxic this and acid that.

Mum, Victoria's saying that... I know what Victoria's saying, bless her. What

I'm saying is that I don't want my grandchildren to grow up default.

One thing at a time, Mum, eh?

Look, if the worst came to the worst, you could always move into Monterey's

house for a bit.

We've got more space there than is good for us.

I know Dad would be delighted.

Yeah, well, that's terribly kind of you, Victoria.

Oh, rubbish.

I, er...

I really wouldn't want to put you to any trouble.

Look, it would only be temporary.

And if it happens, it might be very helpful for us at the moment.

Well, Gavin's gone away for a bit.

And I know Penny would really appreciate a bit of help with the children.

Anyway, think about it.

And you mustn't worry about the toxic dump.

But your father's worried about it.

My father doesn't have all the facts.

Stephen Crane seen some people in London today, and he said he's very confident

of a good result.

So, JXB Properties has done the job.

Clinton gets a rocket up his body and no more theme park. No more theme park.

JXB gets quietly knocked on the head. I'll do that today.

The citizens of Upper Stoneley rejoice that their villages are going to get

turned into a giant radioactive swamp.

The property market stabiliser? Not before you pick up a Queen Anne terrace

ten grand.

Certainly not before that.

Also, what's all that?

People are pleased with me.

Well, well.

Look what the cat threw up.

Obviously this is a business, is it?

Obviously I was looking for Pears.

Pears isn't here at the moment.

Have I passed a little test?

You were honest.

I didn't learn it from you.

Can I come in?

Quiet.

First time, well done.

It is outside business hours. You have not made an appointment. You are,

therefore, Victoria Douglas.

What a shame about your theme park, Mr Linton.

Oh, I do hope you haven't come to gloat. That would be very boring.

I've come to ask if you'll reconsider my offer on behalf of the Moritz family.

No. That was simple, wasn't it?

For a viewer, Linton, your range of options is deteriorating.

Name me one other client who's interested in the place.

What is it with your family, Victoria?

You're all so full of shit. Look at you.

Designer socialism that accounted R .V. Nick.

It's a spectacle without dignity, Angela.

Drop it.

Dear, oh, dear.

Feudalism going green.

That's the Douglas way, isn't it?

think you own this village?

Unfortunately, you do.

And that's why this community's suffering.

And that's why I'll fight you, Linton, till you go groveling to Colin Morris

with your acceptance.

Powerful men.

What?

Well, what do you think is going on? Stephen, I really don't know.

We don't talk about work.

And in spite of what you think, I'm not a confidante of Jimmy's. Blake's been up

to Douglas Mountain. He's had me down to his house. Well, money, I expect. But

it's me who's got the company up and running. Why the hell should he want me

out? I'm happy to take you.

Joe!

Don't.

You and me, Joe.

This is new.

My father had an article about home security.

Everything here was a picture in a magazine.

Okay.

Okay what?

Okay, I'll go down the far escape.

Queen's law rule number one, never stoop to tie your shoelaces in your

neighbour's rhubarb patch.

Because it looks like you're nicking his rhubarb.

Wonderful boy it is.

Hello?

JFP Properties, can I help you?

I'm afraid none of the directors are available at present.

I think they've gone home.

They specifically asked me not to discuss this project with the press. So

Moz.

It's all over.

JXB properties is no more. It has ceased to be.

You've been an angel, Vanessa. What can I say?

Let me help you with your decorating, Vanessa.

Take me to your roller.

Ah, there you are.

I'm late.

How did you get on?

Linton refused the offer again.

Oh, dear.

I hope I'm not thinking of giving up.

No daughter of mine, etc., etc. I was thinking, actually, of having the

stay here for a bit.

In fact, I've already suggested it to them.

In what sense, stay here?

Well, it's a contingency plan.

Toy, we're not a charity.

I know we're not a charity.

What a fatuous thing to say.

I can't believe you said that.

Sonia Morris is a bitch.

Go to your room.

or I'm telling Daddy.

Meaning what?

Meaning... How about a nice glass of brandy?

Bed, I think.

Ten to one, the maggots are running riot, unsupervised.

Night -night then, Pete.

Make sure Daddy doesn't set the house on fire, will you?

I'll sort him out, don't worry.

You really don't know, do you?

Know what?

No, I don't.

And I wish to God somebody would tell me, because I can't handle conversation

this house at the moment.

Gavin and Sonia Morris were having an affair.

Oh, Christ.

I don't know where Gavin is at the moment, but I presume he's trying to

some sort of a choice.

Penny, I don't know what to say.

Neither do I.

Well, I'm going to bed anyway.

Night.

Will you remind me to tell Victoria about the leaflets?

She knows about the leaflets, Dad.

Just remind me to tell her, will you?

Why didn't you tell me?

I thought they had a round. He'd gone somewhere to cool off.

Gavin asked me to look after Penny. A big piece of looking after is not

broadcasting the fact that her marriage is breaking up.

Telling me classifies as broadcasting.

Couldn't rectify this over a chicken sandwich, could we?

I haven't eaten.

Why do you smell of paint?

What's this about leaflets?

I don't think that quite answered my question.

Leaflets for what?

Village.

Itemizing the evils of toxic waste.

My father's organising some sort of rally this weekend.

Oh, what an evening.

Victoria, it's finished.

We got what we wanted.

JXB is about to evaporate. Whoosh.

Colin, Sonia and their mother are about to lose their home.

Whoosh.

It needs a few more days, Stephen. A bit more of a squeeze, that's all.

This business with Colin has been relevant.

There's a political principle at stake.

I have started to dismantle the whole bloody operation, Victoria.

I know.

I have abused friendships and loyalties left, right and centre.

Do you fully appreciate what reviving JXB will cost me in personal

relationships?

Yes, I do.

A JXB property, can I help you?

Who is this?

Vanessa, a slight change of plan.

What? Now, the important thing at this juncture, okay, is that you don't hang

up.

Hello?

Hello, Vanessa?

Are you still there?

Yes, I'm still here, Stephen.

I'm always still here.

Toxic tank, no thanks.

Toxic tank, no thanks.

Toxic tank... No, thanks.

Toxic tents.

No, thanks.

Toxic tents.

No, thanks.

Toxic tents.

No, thanks.

Toxic tents.

No, thanks. Right, that's it. That's it.

Very, very amusing.

You can piss off now. All right, now, while Doug was spoiling my daughter, off

you go. That's it. Go and play with your Lego.

What do you think you're doing? That's battery, darling.

It's revised.

You so much as touch my children, Linton, and I will kill you. Believe me,

in the mood.

Ta -da!

Behold.

Leaflets. What flavour leaflets?

Industrial effluent is a bad thing, flavour?

Nyet. Look and learn.

Industrial effluent is a beautiful thing.

Its bad image is simply the result of a Marxist conspiracy.

What?

What's the point of this?

JXP has to be seen to be pointing out some kind of defect.

Even if it is a bunch of crap.

When did you get all this technical stuff about permeability?

I do listen to you, you know.

Aren't you clever?

If you're going to patronise me, you can get out of my bedroom now.

Who is it?

Me, Robert. Can I come in?

Is there anything important?

Hang on a minute.

I'm on the phone.

Won't be a minute. I'll come down, Robert.

Oh, right you are. It's only a boring question about tax relief, that's all.

Who doesn't think?

We'd better move the centre of operations for a while.

What does that mean, move the centre of operations?

It means you move out.

Get a room at the Bell.

That's a really silly idea.

I'll book him from Sunday.

Thank you.

I take it we're all familiar with these words of comfort from JXB properties.

There is absolutely no cause for alarm.

If there's no cause for alarm, why do they want to build a bloody thing out in

the country?

Because they don't want to build it in their own bloody backyard. That's why.

Victoria.

Unfortunately, JXB haven't just pulled the name up. It's only out of a hat.

The fact is, geologically, this area is uniquely suitable for the disposal of

highly toxic waste.

We can't change that.

The thing that frightens me is we can't see these damned people.

I mean, what do we know about JXB properties?

A round robin signed by a handful of men in suits.

There's nothing to hit out at.

I have to say, I also find this facelessness of our assailants very

We need concrete information if we're going to take on JXB with any

Which leads me to suggest, at the risk of embarrassing him, that the man best

suited to smoke out JXB is Mr. Stephen Crane.

What do you say, Stephen?

Can I publicly solicit your detective skills for our cause?

What do you want me to do?

Well, find someone in authority in JXB.

And then what?

Bring them here to talk to us. Get them up on this platform here to tell us

exactly what it is they're up to.

Okay.

I'll do that for you.

Good show, Crane. Best of luck.

Stephen, what are you going to do?

One more scare.

One big one.

Stephen, please tell me, where on earth are you going to find a representative

of J .F. Peterhood or the village?

Don't know.

I knew this would happen. You should never forget the five Ps.

What?

Perfect preparation prevents piss -poor performance.

No, no, Stephen.

This is the bit where you reassure me.

Well, you tell me. You have a plan.

I don't have a plan.

I do, however, have an idea.

Good. Brilliant.

No. Not brilliant.

It would be the worst thing I've ever done in my life.

Sometimes it's very hard to believe.

There seems to be so much to be afraid of.

Here, today, our community is menaced by forces too

ruthless, too powerful to resist.

Faith seems very far away.

But this is just the time.

Just the time to hold on.

tight to the Lord.

For his love is the only armor that is proof.

His will, the only justice.

Too powerful to resist.

I know.

It should be inspiring us to rise up, not sink to our knees.

Dad, for goodness sake, calm down.

What have people been to say?

Pray. Well, he is a vicar.

Come on, get away from these bloody people.

So is this. I'm not pulling anything in that wardrobe that's going anywhere near

my body. It's making him ill, for God's sake, and I don't believe it's necessary

to put him through all this. Oh, don't you?

Listen. No, Victoria, break the habit of a lifetime and you listen.

If you blow this scam to your father, the whole bloody number's on the line.

Why? Because Robert is every bit as necessary to us as JXB.

He is the voice of holy rage for the community.

If he stops shouting, there's no controversy.

If there's no controversy, there's no way we're ever going to hammer Linton.

Rule number one, and this is serious.

Do it right or don't do it at all.

He'd shout loud enough if I explained it was all for Colin.

He does Colin.

Victoria!

Your father is incapable of lying.

There's just no way that he could fake that kind of righteous indignation.

That's a stupid argument.

Anyway, if my father were to leave the action group, there's any number of

people that could take over.

Brigadier or what's -his -face, anybody.

No, Stephen, I'm going to tell him. Full stop. End of conversation.

again, Carl.

Fine, thanks. All things considered.

I haven't hit myself with a hammer yet, so I can't complain.

Victoria tells me she's making some headway with Linton.

Yeah, well, we'll keep my fingers crossed, you know.

I wanted to have a word with you, actually, about Jamie.

Oh? I just wondered how he's getting on.

He's not the most talkative of blokes. It's quite difficult to find out how

fitting in.

Well, he's not frightened of our work.

Come on, Carl.

Oh, I don't know, Robert. I mean, I'm very fond of Jamie.

Still think of him as me little brother and that, you know.

But?

But it's like he's not really here.

I mean, I teach him how to do something and he does it, but there's no love in

it, you know?

Like he doesn't really care.

And that's the thing here, isn't it?

We all care.

You always did like a good bonfire, didn't you?

You should have been here a couple of months back. We had a cracker.

Mind that.

What? I need that.

Oh, right. Sorry.

Did you want me for something?

I don't know what it is.

Your birthright.

I couldn't give it to you on your 21st because I couldn't get it organised in

time. What do you mean, my birthright?

20 % of Douglas Motors.

It's yours.

So this is going to make me your little boy again, is it?

What?

I don't want this.

I don't want this.

I don't want any of this. Jamie. And I don't want your big, bloody cow eyes

looking at me. I don't want money.

I don't want birthright. I don't want Douglas Popsi motors.

I don't want this.

Jamie.

What have I done to you?

Piers, I was wondering.

Hmm?

Have you ever been in love?

Well, I was very fond of an E -type I had when I was in commodity.

I believe you.

Good God. What? What does that mean? James Davia Blake.

Something's rotten in the state of Upper Domely.

Darling, whatever it is, I'm afraid this isn't the time.

There's something I have to tell you about JXB. Look, Toy, I just want to be

my own for a moment. It isn't real.

What isn't real?

JXB. It's a fake.

Oh, good. Splendid. That's relief.

You're not listening to what I'm telling you.

Stephen and I made it up. We made the whole thing up.

JXB does not exist. There is no toxic dump.

We deliberately circulated a rumor so that the theme park would fall through.

We're keeping the rumour going to depress the property market so that

forced to take Colin's offer on the house.

Would you like me to repeat all that?

Where the hell's Stephen going to get a director of JXB?

Wharton, hello.

Hello, darling.

Bloody had to be you, didn't it?

Marcus, it's always such a pleasure.

How are you?

What is it this time?

About this house or what am I?

Well, what about it?

The agent's been a bit humorous about the price and I'm running out of time.

I need your help, mate.

This isn't going to be some bloody awful nightmare, is it? It's not going to be

Albany all over again.

Promise me.

I promise you.

To be born an Englishman, Piers, is to draw first prize in God's lottery.

Johnson.

Kipling.

What a glorious prospect.

A slice, Jimmy, but a very pretty one.

Isn't this rather extravagant?

Mine, thankfully, is one of the least acceptable faces of capitalism.

So if you have any other facetious observations to make on the subject...

of extravagance, I suggest you contain them.

Sorry, Jimmy. You don't actually look like you're convalescing from vigorous

intercourse. Hasn't there been any?

I beg your pardon?

I understood you took the day off in order to rummage the voluptuous Joanna.

So why are you here?

Jimmy, about Joanna and I, I'd be grateful if you didn't... Do you imagine

know nothing about affairs of the heart, Pierre?

I never suggested.

Are you aware that I was once married?

No.

No, I wasn't aware of that.

Our engagement lasted eight years, whereupon we dithered headlong into

Her name, implausibly enough, was Hannah.

Hannah. It was the palindrome. I couldn't resist.

Good grief.

What happened to your wife?

I sold her.

To an Arab.

Is that true?

Dear boy, who knows?

Is that for me?

Thank you, Piers. I should treasure it always.

Are you very angry with me, Stephen?

I've been angrier.

What did he say, your father?

He said... He thought it was brilliant.

Well, it is brilliant, Anne.

And he resigned from the Action Group.

He didn't want to give us away. You were right about that.

Good.

I think the small, uncontroversial business like Kiss might be in order.

Was obviously a real thriller.

You've got a bad feeling, Victoria, about this girl.

Somebody's going to get hurt.

Who, you?

Somebody plural.

All of us, maybe.

Oh, dear.

Stephen has been arsing about again, hasn't he?

JXB properties.

Cavalier of him, frankly.

What the hell is the little turd up to now?

It's quite unfathomable.

Your first thought, Crane wants what?

A quick killing, as ever.

Assuming JXB Properties is a new plaything of his.

A rather unneighbourly trick to play on one's hosts, dumping noxious rubbish on

them. Yet Douglas Motors thrives.

Latest figures were very encouraging, from their point of view.

Crane has made his bet.

So what's his incentive to befoul it?

My second thought.

Naughtiness, Piers.

Naughtiness. And I can't grasp its measure.

So, what do you want me to do?

Make a large number of telephone calls in a short space of time. Find out

everything you can about JXB's bloody property.

Discover precisely what unnatural practices Stephen has inspired in Upper

Piers, thorough. This may be useful to us.

Where can I find the telephone?

In your car, I bet.

Three, two, one.

I know about the Legion.

Do you know about the Legion?

Well, I know you can't buy yourself out.

You're a dissenter.

So why did you need the money?

I needed half of it to clear my gambling slate with Piper.

I threw it away.

What do you mean?

Threw it away?

Threw it away in the woods.

It's worth every penny, I tell you.

See them all.

See them all, these people, scrabbling about.

Stuffing their pockets with money.

Ended up shoving bundles of tennis into pails of cow shit just to stop sticking

out.

People pull them out and put them in their pockets just the same.

Everything falls apart when money touches it.

Manners.

Love.

You should have been there, Dad.

It was a real smile.

to go with jolly jimmy frightfully well all things considered and corton 85

jolly good lovely flat joanna

it's my father's oh like most things mr blake i don't wish to be rude a little

game joanna what do you think i do enjoy a little game

here are the rules You tell me everything about

JXB properties.

Easy, really.

Is this something we've invested in?

I don't know.

Have we?

I'm sorry, but this really isn't ringing any bells.

Then permit me a campanological prompt.

The company in question lists you as a director.

What? A directrix.

It's absurd.

A directrice, perhaps.

Hardly a day goes by, does it, Joanna, without some hideous conspiracy of yours

besmirching my happiness.

Listen. Hey, I haven't got the faintest idea who JBX or whatever it is property

is supposed to be.

Joanna Franklin?

Martin Goodfellow?

Goodfellow.

Ding dong.

Linton. Linton.

Ty Cottage. Ty Cottage, Ferry Lane.

Listen, right, you go in there, you offer him 30k.

He wants 100.

He says you've got to be joking. You say, what, with Chernobyl in my abacious

border? Right, right, right. So he gets that spooked. He then tells your Colin,

yes, for 60.

Well, that would be a bonus. Just put the wind up Linton. That's all I want.

Right, where are you going to be? In the bath.

Right, where's that?

The Bell, pub in the village.

You're going to the pub to have a bath?

Yep.

Marcus?

Thanks for this.

You're a brick.

A what?

What is this word?

J -X -B.

And what is this word?

Franklin.

Joanna Franklin.

What are these words doing together on this piece of paper?

Jo, please, I can explain this.

Do you know what you've done?

I'm sorry.

You wrote the string on our yo -yo.

Up and down was our way, wasn't it?

See, I let peers into my bed to make you jealous because I thought I'd lost you

and I wanted you back.

I've always wanted you back.

Not anymore.

Finish. This was just a little too selfish.

Even for you.

I'm not joking, Stephen.

Victoria Douglas.

The girl in the restaurant with the chocolate pudding.

What?

Oh, yes, that's right.

Joanna Franklin.

Listen, I think I ought to explain.

I think that's probably not necessary.

Listen, Victoria, I'd love to have a big fight with you, but I've just had one

with Stephen, and I couldn't really give a toss anyway.

If you'll settle for a drink, I'm buying.

Hello?

What are you doing?

Hail past evening.

Carl, he wants to talk to you.

Quickly, Carl.

Who does? Who wants to talk to me? Linton.

Carl, quickly. All right, Mum, all right. What did he say?

Yes. What do you mean, yes?

Yes, he'll take the offer on the house.

The market's buoyant and immune to ridiculous, unsubstantiated rumours

industrial takeover.

In other words, the market's gone out the shite and Linton wants to emigrate.

He took you on board, you reckon, as a panther? No worries.

What? Told you could do it. Peezy.

No, I mean, what's all this about?

I've got a proposition to make. Oh, yeah. It's a small favour.

No, Stephen.

No. Look, I did what you asked me to do.

I wonder if Stephen's happy here.

I fear we have the means to make village life a trifle quickly for cities in

Ukraine.

I don't suppose the burghers of Upper Stanley will be thrilled to learn that

Stephen is the director of JXB.

Douglas himself will be seriously aggrieved.

I think the boy will be disposed to our persuasion, don't you?

A resignation, then? Oh, a simple affair.

No carriage clock.

What's worrying is Stephen simply finding out that Franklin wants the

Put you in a frightful position.

What?

I'll rephrase that. Yeah.

Put up.

Yeah.

Stebbings.

Sorry, sir.

Always gone for a moment there, sir.

You don't keep your eyes on the road, Stebbings, and your ears out of our

conversation.

You'll be gone for a lot longer.

Yes, sir.

Sorry, sir.

What you've got to do right is smile.

And look at all the peeps. See? All the little peeps.

Peeps. And smile.

Doddle. Hardly worth a grand, is it? Standing on a stage and smiling.

Cash up front.

Cash on Monday morning, Marcus. Be realistic.

Oh, what do I say? I've forgotten what I say.

I really can't see what... I can't see what all the fuss is about.

I really can't see what all the fuss is about.

See? You're laughing.

Stephen, I'm not nervous.

Look, what's the worst thing that's ever happened to you? Jimmy Blake.

Well, he's not here, is he?

And let me tell you, public speaking is about a million times less scary than

being in a room with Jimmy Blake.

Well,

isn't this nice?

I wasn't where I said I would be.

You weren't? No.

This is Marcus.

This is Marcus.

Victoria Douglas, how do you do?

Now, excuse me being abrupt, but there isn't much time.

I'm the only geologist here, so you know as much about it as anybody else.

Just look confident and sound authoritative.

Right. Now, this little stuff, you just have to read out.

Has Stephen told you about all this?

Not as such.

God. Well, we have ten minutes. I'll take you through this one.

Will you excuse me a minute?

If I'd have known you were coming, I'd have baked a cake.

But would I have eaten it? That's the thing.

Snuff?

Shouldn't put things up your nose, Jimmy. It's bad for the bank balance.

Why are you here?

I bring these good people the apple of knowledge.

That's nice.

The apple of JXB properties.

JXB.

And flattered, of course.

Do you suppose they'd be intrigued by such a fruit?

So, what's the deal? I want Douglas Motors.

Why? I want it now, and I want you out. Wait a minute, Jim. I have no interest

in whatever squalid little deceit you're perpetrating here.

Observe the rules, Stephen, and I'll furnish you with the reference.

redeemable, somewhere, distant.

Johannesburg, perhaps.

What choice do I have?

As you say.

Linton rang up about an hour ago, calling me straight round and got his

signature. Eileen told me just now.

Well done. Very, very proud.

Unless it's all a farce.

Well, yes, I suppose it is. A necessary farce. Too late now.

Can't stand up there until it's all a leg pull, can we?

Are you talking to me?

Sorry?

Are you talking to me? Willie.

Nice one, look.

This isn't the time for me at the moment.

Oh, I know.

I know it all.

What is this, Willie?

Do you know that Franklin wants your head on a plate?

Quote.

There's a waiting list.

Did you know that Thomas Franklin has been trying to buy Douglas Motors?

Ah, you see.

Watch this, Willie. It's all very well.

But when it comes to serious eavesdropping, I'm your man.

Sinclair wants Douglas.

Jimbo would prefer you not to know that.

Willie.

100 % accurate, this, or what?

This is so important, I can't tell you.

If Stephen ever found out, it'd be absolutely frightful.

Oh, dear.

I seem to have been indiscreet.

I'm very pleased and honoured to be invited here tonight to present details

JXB Properties' project to develop the diffuse ironstone quarry into a top

-quality disposal site.

thus creating at least 60 local jobs and transforming a hitherto unsightly

block on the Upper Stoneley landscape into a valuable community asset.

That's never... What's his name?

Yes, it is. Wharton.

Goodness. You do have your entourage, your little friends, don't you?

My little cast -offs.

Jimmy.

Would I be right in thinking that the situation I'm facing now has a curious

parallel in your life? No, my dear. You would be wrong.

What?

Not even if Franklin found out that you were pumping money into Douglas Motors

at the same time as handling his purchase on his behalf?

Not even if he found out it was you that snitched on his daughter and got her

sacked?

I think we're in the same boat here, Jimmy.

What a bore it all is, Stephen.

Isn't it just?

Deuce, I suppose.

New balls, please.

What do you suggest while we await them?

We shake hands.

Safe drive home.

You don't have to go on.

You don't have to go on.

Oh, thank God, man.

Was it really, do you think?

Was it really what?

The worst thing you've ever done.

Unforgivable. I ought to be horsewhipped on the steps of my club.

He didn't seem to mind.

Yeah, well, you didn't seem to mind finding my ex -girlfriend in my bedroom,

we both know you're furious about it.

You are just so vain.

I'm completely indifferent to the women you choose to keep in your bed.

Paranoia, sexual jealousy.

Don't be preposterous. I'm talking about me.

I'm a nervous wreck when I'm with you.

I don't know what to do with my hands.

I could, of course, do this.

How about those

women in my bedroom?

They wouldn't mind at all sleeping in the bathroom.

One step at a time, Stephen.

Why? Because this is the best bit.

Don't you think?

I don't know what to think.

Good.

Let's keep it that way.