All language subtitles for Chancer s01e05 Pretenders

I think you will, Miss Jamie.

Morning, Victoria.

Morning.

Please? Yes, please.

Listen, darling.

Why don't you stay home, relax, and sort
it out with Tony next week, hmm?

Relax?

A little bit, though.

Oh, man, I have to go back.

I don't care if somebody's head off
about this. I'm going insane.

Such a civilized place, Oxford.

Bloody hell, I thought it was water from
there.

Well, if you only sit down pulling
frauds to help his company. A whingsy

fraud let.

Half a million pounds?

I wish I'd seen it. I wish I hadn't.

What's that?

Lunchbox, yeah.

Terrific sense of humour.

He's going to need it.

Good morning, Madam Stallman.

The old lunchbox.

Where's the bath nut?

It's chaos here. No organisation.

How am I supposed to nick him? What do
you want him for? Top left.

Got him. Lint and smart.

Again? Deal with.

It'd be cheaper for him to buy a new
bloody car.

Eh.

Moves can play them.

Hello.

Wouldn't it be easy if I came in?

I prescribe shocking.

The British hate a fuss.

If you keep it up for long enough,
they're bound to give you them.

Sorry?

Tony Stanhope.

Using Troy's research.

Oh.

You're going to see each other today?

Wrong question, if you would say.

The course of true love... Closed for
road work.

Permanently.

I'll phone you this afternoon, after
I've spoken to Professor Garfet.

Good luck with the shouting.

Eagerness. That's what I admire about
you, Stephen.

I'm psyching myself up for Fitchford.

Today, the Inquisition swoops on the
Accounts Department.

I wonder what Peter will feel about
that.

Crane's law, rule number one.

Never tell Fitchford anything.

Then he can't argue about it.

Busy today, Peter?

What's that?

Today I thought we'd go through the
accounts for the past five years

then get Lorraine to put them on there.

Proper invoicing, stock control, cash
flow, etc.

The usual.

Starting today.

Why wasn't I told?

Because I didn't want to worry you.

There's a word for this, son.

Accountancy.

And my brother said, no, silly, it's a
paperweight. Oh, he's crying.

We go there every year. They pay a bit
more, but the food's worth it.

They always remember your name.

And they don't switch the lights off and
sing happy birthday. Marcus, you

bastard.

Happy birthday, Lorraine.

Stevie.

I sorted out a death for you.

And I hope you'll be comfortable.

What's the matter, Robert? Don't you
trust me? I trust everyone.

It's pathetic risking our jobs for a bit
of pocket money.

And prison, Joe. You've got prison.

Look, stop panicking.

I just need a day to sort the invoices
out, and Crane isn't actually expecting

to find anything, so he won't. We
haven't got a day.

What exactly brings Matt, is it, Joe?
Look, I don't care, lads. I'm out.

All we've got to do is stay calm, right?

Find ourselves a bit of time.

Well, you could have told us earlier,
Peter.

I'm sorry, Robert. I'd hoped we wouldn't
have to.

As it is, we only need about 30 ,000,
but we do need it now.

I thought you were speaking to the bank
last week.

That's so vague.

Well, I must say, I'm not optimistic
about another overdraft.

Mr Bailey and I had words the last time
we met.

Perfect. That's today down the toilet.

I've made an appointment for this
morning.

It took a bit of doing, but they managed
to make room for us.

Smashing.

Right, well, give us a call when you're
ready to go.

That's all right, Mr Pitchford. You just
stay here and do whatever you do.

Well, if you don't mind.

There's a fair amount to get through
here, all right?

Forgive me asking, but are you mad?

I mean, how many Sonias do you think
there are in the village?

No, no, no, forget it. But just let me
call you in future, all right?

What?

When?

I'll be there, all right.

Yeah.

Bye.

Bye.

Young people today.

No patience.

It's very good of you to see us at such
short notice, Mr Bailey.

Yeah.

There comes a time in the life of every
business...

How much? 30 grand for two months.

I thought... I thought I'd discussed
such an arrangement with Mr. Fitchford

the phone last week.

No?

Obviously some wires crossed here.

I'll just have a word with my... I think
you'll find

I've already sanctioned the relevant
loan for this particular account.

I'm sure you're right.

Then why are you here?

I wanted to meet you, Mr. Bailey.

And what a pleasure it's been.

What a waste of time.

Has Fitzford ever shown any unusual
symptoms?

Glazed eyes, trembling hands, sexual
advances towards furniture? It's most

unlike Peter.

What do you reckon he'd like as a
retirement present?

So I suppose we were lucky to see Bailey
so quickly.

I don't think our ideas of lucky have
much in common, Robert.

Stephen, do you think you could find it
in you to be a little bit more patient

with Peter?

You know, I don't think he likes me.

Well, he probably feels threatened.

Just give him time, will you?

This lot are hot. Put them on me desk.

This is stalling and fetch, that's all.
I bet he suspects.

Doubt it. Just routine.

One clear day is all I need to make the
book street.

Meantime, just mess up the rest.

Well?

Any ideas?

No.

Don't have ideas.

Tell me.

We didn't ask you to borrow a six
-month's pay.

No. We didn't ask you to gamble it all
down the bog.

That's true.

We didn't ask you to desert.

It wasn't running away from you.

All right.

All we're saying is, you should have
made a few more arrangements.

Yeah, well, that's me all over, isn't
it, really?

Careless with details.

5 ,000 of them.

The bread of deceit is sweet to man, but
afterwards his mouth shall be filled

with gravel.

So, the facts remain depressingly
familiar.

We've gone able to get our money back.

And in three days, Jamie, we'll be
deserters like you.

You owe us.

You're broke.

So are we.

Your dad isn't.

Nature abhors a vacuum.

My dad, eh?

Oh, he must have made a startling
impression on you two.

Kind, tolerant, liberal, enlightened.

Sort of man who thinks nothing of
forking out for other people's gambling.

Hello, son.

How are you?

I haven't seen you since I was trying to
push your head through the wall the

night you killed your mother.

And you need five grand, bit of bad luck
on the GGs. Of course, son.

American Express!

Oh, dear.

All's well that ends well.

Fancy a pint?

Well, just a four.

Let's get on with it. Well, that was
quick.

Get on with what? The account.

Well, I think there might be a bit of a
problem. What, without milk?

No sugar?

There was a temp in recently to help
after the fire and everything's in a bit

a mess.

It'll take us a while to sort it out, I
reckon.

You have just wasted my entire morning
at the bank.

Now you tell me. It's not the end of the
world, Sonny.

What? The whole thing's a waste of time
anyway.

What's the matter with you?

You've been behaving like a cretin ever
since I got here.

I might not be as quick as some, but...
What are we paying you for?

You can't even keep a file.

Sorry, it's not my fault. Well, whose is
it, hmm?

Roger Rabbit?

Can I be honest with you, Mr. Fitchford?

I've been wondering that myself.

You are systematically wasting my time,
Mr.

Fitchford. It's making it jolly
difficult for you and me to be friends,

Stephen.

All right.

I've just got to go to London to, uh,
heal somebody this afternoon.

And there's no point in me staying here
now.

See you later.

No patience, young people.

Yes, I understand your point of view.
You're saying he's pinched your

Well, I must say I taught Tony as an
undergraduate.

I do find it difficult to believe in the
first instance... He's not an

undergraduate anymore.

No, indeed, as you say.

Are you interested in my opinion, or do
you just want someone to shout at?

Both, thank you.

You'll have the devil's own job proving
it one way or the other.

You'll drag him and yourself through the
mud. You'll smear the department doing

it, and under the present Tory junta,
with their predilection for abolishing

grants, you'll get no thanks for that.

Now...

Victoria, you're a fine student with a
potentially brilliant future.

One has to take the long -term view.

If I understand your proposition, you
are suggesting that I sacrifice two

of my work to a failing academic in
order to save the department's

That is a willful misrepresentation of
what I just said.

I see.

Well, what did you mean?

Stubbornness is the intellectual
prerogative of donkeys and boars,

Don't disappoint me.

I've got an idea.

Love all quick?

Close.

Go on.

It's October soon.

Popular month for weddings?

And birthdays.

I'll be 21.

And?

And I come into 20 % of Douglas Motors.

You know how much that's worth, hmm?

No.

That's what we'll toss for.

I guess heads.

What do you say, hmm?

All or nothing.

20 % of nothing is nothing.

We are running out of time.

Shut it!

Both of you!

Now. We're off to your dads. Now.

We've got to be back in France tomorrow.

Magali stays with her.

Soon. What?

We'll go soon.

I want to talk to Lucy first.

Do you trust me?

Listen.

Don't you leave me here with him.

Do you trust me?

I don't know why.

Whatever happens today, don't worry, all
right?

What's going to happen today?

Whatever happens, they won't hurt you.

No one has a girl.

Not honourable. What do you mean?

Whatever happens, please, Jamie.

I'm not going back to my father with
him.

What are you going to do then?

Come on then.

Got any jigsaws?

Hello.

Talk to me.

What was that phone call about
yesterday?

You are going to give me a credit for
that paper.

It doesn't work like that.

I collected the samples. I gave you the
project.

Tony. I am entitled.

Nothing.

Are you interested in the work or just
getting the credit?

Has someone put you up to this?

What? The wide boy in the suit, perhaps?

I give you due warning, Tony.

You give me credit for what is mine, or
I will drag both of us kicking and

screaming through every tribunal.

Oh, for God's sake, Victoria, what's the
point?

I wouldn't get you anyway.

I don't care.

I have carried you academically and
emotionally for five years, and that's

right. But I will not be betrayed.

I am wanting very, very low on nobility.

That's you.

Now, listen carefully, Marcus.

You ever, ever send me a fax like that
at work again, and you are dead meat.

What's a joke?

The money you owe me is a tax -free
slush fund, and now that the news that I

conned Blake to keep them afloat has
arrived down at Douglas Motors, I am

to keep Squeaky clean for a week.

For a change, you mean. Well, forget it,
Tidder. You don't help. Give us the

cash.

Look, I gave it to Jo. She said she'd be
seeing you before I did. And when you

didn't bother answering the facts... You
did what?

Jo?

Jo that won't talk to me, Jo?

Jo that hates me, Jo?

Oh, God.

Jo that loathes and despises me, and you
handed her my life -saving?

Oh, God.

Do you by any chance free tonight?

Yes,

but not free.

That's a great deal of money.

Oh, pity it isn't mine.

Not necessarily.

Possessing the pen back.

Every time I come back to

England, they've left things that work
properly.

Trains, phones, buses.

I blame the parents.

Here. I hope your dad's got that sort of
money lying around.

Yeah, he can get it from the factory,
cut his cash.

Did you talk about the money with him,
you know?

No.

You know, you seem to be a down -to
-earth sort of person.

You ought to make it up with him.

Afternoon.

Hello.

Oh, no, I came in here for something,
but it slipped right out of my mind.

Wife will kill me.

She's out.

Pardon?

Sonia.

Oh.

Sonia, this is ridiculous.

It's got to stop.

I know.

We have to go away, don't we?

What is happening to this country?

Jimmy?

There was chanting at Lord's last year.

Chanting. Holy unnatural pursuit,
Cricket.

And on the question of unnatural
pursuits, how progresses our campaign

fair Joanna Franklin?

We're going out to dinner again tonight.

Piers. Piers, do I detect a certain
reluctance to expand? Not at all.

Dear heart, a word of admonition from
your confessor. Never confuse the

initiative for survival with the pursuit
of happiness.

It can only end in tears.

Yes, Jimmy, really, I only meant to tell
you that I haven't.

That there's been no significant change
in our relationship.

Oh, no matter.

Cometh the hour, cometh the man.

Of course, she's very charming.

How singularly unlike her father.

I confess, I am beginning to find his
company rather tiresome. This ghastly

imbroglio with hopeless motors and
Stephen Crane.

Of course, you love it.

Of course.

But winning's the thing, dear boy.

Great deal of money at stake here.

Reputations. One must keep Crane away
from Franklin.

Ergo, one must keep Crane away from
Franklin's daughter.

Perhaps Franklin will lose interest.

I fear his fascination for motor
vehicles and the lure of an

asset will sustain his frenzy for the
foreseeable future.

Don't you bully me, you bastard.

Was Jimmy very cross about his life?

Bastard can't even remember my name.

Oh, he's terrible with names, Jimmy.

And people.

People and names.

Can I, uh... Can I use your phone,
Willie?

No.

James Blake's office.

Yes, she's just gone into theme, Mr
Blake.

Can I take a message?

Mr... Good fellow.

Stephen, what are you up to?

Ackerman and Phelps, confidential.

Touching upon precisely this matter, I
know you'll forgive me for reminding you

of the paramount importance of
confidentiality in all our dealings

Meaning keep away from Stephen.

Well, it's none of your business, Jimmy,
but I have absolutely nothing to do

with him now.

Excuse me.

Joe, there's a Mr Goodfellow in
reception for you, very urgent.

Tell him I'm in a meeting. He said if
you said you were in a meeting, he'd

up. All right.

Like Macbeth in Dunsinane, young Crane
grows isolated.

Soon we shall reach into Douglas' motor
and pluck out his rotten heart.

I sometimes think somebody up there
likes me.

You what?

Crane, disappearing off to London like
that.

Get back to work.

I'm off. Do some proper work.

You're Mr.

Fun. I'll join you later. Bring some
cake.

Where are you going?

I thought I'd nip off a bit early today.
I'll make it up tomorrow.

You're really taking a piss, you are.

Oh, Cap, don't tell me that you ain't
gone off early before.

Things are changing.

You want to watch it?

Or... Or you'll shock me. Is that right,
Carl?

Oh, Robert will be tickled, won't he?

Of course, he wouldn't care that you
knew about this for ages without telling

him.

And, uh...

You reckon your personal ties with the
management of Standry and Goodstead?

You want to watch yourself for the next
union election, mate?

All right, lad.

Piss off, Gabby.

Well, I'd like to know why you slammed
the phone down on me and why you assume

I'm trying to jump Victoria Douglas.

Then I want my money back. You live in
the same house together. I find you in

restaurants together. I catch you in
pubs together. I hear of you in cars

together. Why the hell should I assume
you like her? What money?

Joe. You owe me, you bastard.

Yeah? Yeah. Yeah? Yes.

Every time you come near, something
appalling happens to me.

Go on, then. Name two things.

Go on.

In the five months I've known you, you
have blackmailed me naked in a corridor,

dragged me into two massive frauds,
wrecked my relationship with my father,

me sacked from a lucrative job, stolen
my phone, blown up my car, and thrown

cold pudding down my buffers in a
restaurant.

Apart from that.

All I want is my car back.

Then we can call it quits and we don't
have to see each other again.

All right.

And the money?

Wait here.

Didn't the doctor tell you to slow down?

Yes, and I shall do exactly that when I
have a spare moment.

Don't worry, Peter.

The doctor's given me these.

I now spend a large part of my working
life in the laboratory, but I should

peace for a day.

I don't mean to go on about Stephen
Crane, but how long do you reckon he's

to be here?

As short a sentence as he can get away
with, I imagine, with time off for good

behaviour.

I wonder what your father would have
made of him.

I think... I think he would have strung
him up ceremonially from the buffing

pole. Just for denting his own leopard.
My father would never compromise on

quality, Peter.

And neither will I.

No.

Which is why I've got Stephen in.

He's absolutely the most devious and
cunning rascal I could find.

And if that's what it takes, that's what
it'll get.

All right, what's up?

Did you really mean what you said about
not seeing me again?

Yes.

No.

I know I'm not worth it.

I take you for granted. I'm never there
when you need me. I always expect you to

be there when I need help.

I don't know how you put up with it for
so long.

You're better off without me. I know
that inside.

It's just... Yes?

I'm sorry.

It just seems like all the wheels are
falling off at the moment.

Heaving Douglas Motors out of the toilet
when they hate me for doing it.

Pretending to be a consultant when my
own life is the most spectacular mess.

And then there's you.

And then... And then as if that isn't
enough...

What? My shoelace just snapped.

I'm sorry.

Forget it, Dex.

Can't I keep your car, Jo? No.

Well, I'm not going to get back, and
don't call me Dex.

I can recommend public transport.

Recommend it? You can't even remember
it. It'll take hours, Jo.

Stephen.

Let's give it a rest for a while.

Why?

Don. What?

He's done a runner.

Oh, terrific, Ade.

Well done.

You got any more good ideas?

Oh, yeah, yeah, I know.

Maybe we should go camping in this old
man's garden until Jamie comes to his

funeral. Shut up!

Lucy.

Where did he go?

Talking to you.

Do you know what I once saw?

I once saw a man bite a girl's nose off.

Okay, Adrian, this is what we do.

Bloody bug, we only go every two hours.

What do you need me for?

You help us present our case, so to
speak.

Do you want to know what I think?

No. I think you're wasting your time.

You heard what Jamie said about his dad.

But what about the prodigal son, eh?

The thing about the prodigal son, he
actually went home, didn't he?

I don't remember a bunch of his mates
turning up and saying, no, your kid's at

all a thousand many shekels. How about
it, mate?

Keep the talking.

What do they say? They say, Nicky Motor.

You see why he joined the Legionnaires?

Many happy returns.

Robert, can you do me a small favour? Is
it legal?

Robert.

See you next week.

Cheers. I was just wondering if you
could put this package in the safe for

Don't impregnate me. Of course.

It is the repayment of a personal loan
between friendles.

Believe that, you'll believe anything.

Well, our safe is not the safest place
in the world. We don't usually keep your

sons' money on the premises.

We never see any.

That's all right.

Sorry about losing my temper earlier.

However... You reckon everything's going
to be all right now?

Well, when we've got rid of all the
unskilled workers.

What? Robert, Peter, Gavin, Lunchbox.

I hope we've missed his sense of humour.

Where is he? Near the booze. He bunked
off early to do one of his car repairs.

Again? He'll be putting in a bid for
this place soon.

Back in a minute.

Hey, he's had it coming.

Excuse me, mates, you couldn't service
my car.

I'll have a go at your wife, cocker, but
we're a bit, uh...

Oh, right.

Just a bit of work in my spare time, you
know. Enterprise economy and all that.

What's wrong with it? Nothing.

Except it's not just your spare time, is
it?

I wouldn't normally mind, but you see,
you're a pain in the arse.

Right.

Well, sorry.

Won't happen again.

Just that this was a bit of a rush job,
you know.

Yellow card.

Toolbox.

Gosh. Shit.

Go on, then!

Go on!

Get the bloody filth!

Get your prize off all the way, Douglas!
Go on!

Lunchbox, you've got no idea, have you?

This is the bit where we do the deal.

The next stage is?

The departmental committee to listen to
my case.

What do they do if they think you've got
them?

Well, it's a bit late now to stop Tony
publishing my work, but I could get a

credit for it.

It still seems hard to believe.

I know Tony's not everybody's cup of
tea, but it always struck me as being an

amiable.

You're a hopeless judge of character.

Yes, I think I probably am.

On your mind?

Jamie.

He jumps into my mind from time to time.
Dad.

I know.

He isn't. I know. It's just a little
flurry of excitement.

A bit of hope.

At least I know he's still alive.

The party really is over, Gerald.

You've got a minute.

And good night, Peter.

Can't stop now. Yes, you can.

See?

What is the prize?

Look, Toy, I want to poke.

Why did you do it, Peter?

A few years back, we had a bit of a
rough patch.

We all of us had to work too hard to
keep the company's head above water.

A lot of worry.

Killed old man Douglas.

I made a mistake in the bookkeeping, a
bad one.

I was so tired.

I lost track of a payment for some seat
leather.

I didn't dare tell Robert he had so much
on his plate. He needed confidence in

the people around him.

When I found the money later, I kept it.

Keep the money once, son.

You go on keeping it.

Gerald and lunchbox?

Oh, they found out what was going on.
They wanted in. I had no choice.

What happens now?

I'm afraid you ought to resign.

Stay for a while, supervise Lunchbox and
Joel putting the stuff back into the

system, then hand it over.

Robert doesn't need to know where you're
going.

Look a bit funny, though, won't it?
Three of us going all of a sudden like

Gerald and Lunchbox are skilled workers.

Worth their weight in gold, especially
now they aren't nicking it at the same

time.

And, of course, Gerald's one of the
Union boys.

He'll be useful in your pocket.

Yep.

What? Money.

What are you doing here?

Looking for a drinking partner.

What are you still doing here?

Oh, I'm just thinking about things.

Peter Fitchford handed in his
resignation today.

Why? I'm the faintest idea.

He's been here ages.

Since before you were born.

I'm sorry.

It's all right.

Just getting old.

Like me, I suppose.

Nobody gets old like you.

No.

Still, we're over the worst.

Eh?

Hello, Gavin.

It's Lucy, Jamie's girlfriend.

I'm terribly sorry to bother you, but
we're looking for Mr Douglas. There's no

answer at his door.

He should be back by now.

I'll give him a call.

Are you sure that's no trouble?

No.

Want to come in and wait?

Okay. These are my pals.

Right.

I insist you buy me a drink.

How did it go today?

Grim.

You're only young once.

And that was a long time ago.

What's the book you're reading?

UTPB Zircon Dating of Granitoid Plutons
from the West Coast province of

Peninsular Malaysia.

Oh, yeah, I read that one last week.

Drag's a bit in the middle.

Dad. I

can't

think where he is.

Sometimes pops in the bell for a quick
pint on his way home.

More tea, anyone?

Lovely. Oh, yes, I met them. Piper and,
um... McGarvey. McGarvey.

So, how long have you got?

Don't know.

Not long.

A day or so.

The police?

They can always give the Legion my
address and my real name.

There'll always be someone.

It's tradition.

And these Arabs are after you, eh?

They're not the problem.

No? No.

Look, can't we buy you out?

Yes, but... Well, we don't appear to
have much choice, do we?

90 ,000 francs to buy at a three is of
the service.

That's about £9 ,000 sterling.

Jamie, I just don't have that kind of
money here. I mean, tomorrow, the

You don't?

Dad, please.

They've got to go back tonight. It's my
last chance to sort things out.

We don't keep money in the safe.

It just seemed like a good idea at the
time. A bloke from home went into the

city.

Where I come from, there are no tracks
left to come the wrong side up.

Are your parents still there?

In a manner of speaking.

Oh, you're so sensitive, Stephen. Who
told you that?

You have to go home.

You know how it is.

Ah, deprived childhood.

Childhood?

It's a different world here.

Different values.

Forgive me, Stephen.

Why don't you get rid of them?

I'll enjoy their company.

I can.

Stay here, Dad.

It's better.

5 ,000 dead on.

Sorry about earlier.

Wanted to come alone.

Are you coming with us?

No.

Turn left after the drive.

Goodbye, Jamie.

We're right.

Well, as well as can be expected in the
circumstances.

Sorry about all of that.

Adrian.

Give Lucy a lift back, will you?

I'll be in touch.

I need the time now.

Okay, Jamie.