Original subtitles

Stephen Crane has saved himself from bankruptcy by insider dealing with his

girlfriend, Jo Franklin, and saved Douglas Motors by embezzling a fortune

his boss, Jimmy Blake.

But the victims of Crane's scams are closing in on him.

I think I can hear him coming now.

Oh, Mr. Blake. The answer's no, and I don't want to hear the question. I'll

you back.

Hello. Office.

Thank you, 55.

Stephen Cranky.

A friend introduces you to a new boyfriend who strikes you as shallow,

pretentious and a flagrant flirt. So the next time you're alone with her, you A,

tell her she's a dipstick. Tell her about a truly terrific man you'd love to

her up with. A dipstick.

B, they nothing. After all, it's her problem.

Still. B.

Please, Joe, he knows my number.

Thanks very much.

You could be in a lot of trouble, sweetheart.

Find out if she has any similar reservations. You're first in college.

What? Schlesinger, don't look.

I'm your compliance officer, Jill, for God's sake.

Are you looking at me? I haven't got my lenses in.

Yes.

No. He's going.

Jesus, they're giving me the creeps.

Authority figures. It's all my father's fault.

You're clean, aren't you? I am, but somebody around here might stink.

Oh,

it's the mail for you, Jo. Sorry, Bill. Thank you.

Hello.

Hoist. We can have, please.

Yamauchi. What about him?

Well, how do you feel about all that? What's happening?

Well, what's happening is, one, Mr. Yamauchi is Japanese. Well spotted. And

Japanese have a totally different approach to documentation. It's quite

extraordinary.

Sorry?

I'm trying to explain. You are the sales director. Talk to me intelligibly about

the state of our sales. I want to know what you've actually done.

Yamauchi wants to place an order for 50 cars.

And? And he hasn't given us the slightest idea of a delivery date.

Two? So two, he's going to be here tonight with a pen in his hand, and if

wants the cars by this time next month, which he might,

we're simply not equipped to accept his commission.

The boys are going flat out.

They know our backs are against the wall.

Hello there, Warner.

You're in a lot of trouble, Morris. Oh, yeah, why's that? Haven't decided yet.

We need this one, Gavin.

I know.

We are, as they say, in stook, but I will not compromise. I will not build my

car with cardboard and rubber bands. I'll dynamite the ruddy factory first.

For God's sake, the dignity and reputation of the mark is the most

asset we have.

Why don't these bloody people understand that? I'm just saying my heart sinks at

the prospect of haggling with the emoji, that's all.

Say two.

Shut up, Gavin.

Apropos of nothing at all.

What? Are you acquainted at all with a private detective?

Yeah.

Actually, that's a lie. I'm not, but I know someone who probably is. Why?

Well, this isn't for broadcast, Gavin.

I'd be interested to know their name.

Is Mr. Atwood in?

Mr. Atwood, we'll see you in a minute.

Oh, thank you, Splendid.

I think it's night time now.

Uh -huh.

Stupid birds.

Well, I might be able to do one. Get Garfield Ward.

Yes, Mr. Blake.

Immediately. Yes, Mr. Blake, I'll phone you back. Bye.

Joe! Oh, sorry, I'm back to you again. 5400, please. Joanna Franklin.

Thank you.

Bloody

waste

of time! I agree.

What? You haven't said one sensible thing to me since you walked into this

So why don't you go and boil your head, Mr Atwood? Does that make any sense?

Well, it's unlikely to help me do what you want me to. Where's my coat?

You want me to find your son. I mean, it may be possible.

But you've lied to me extensively about the circumstances of your son's

disappearance. That's entirely standard. I have not.

Probably because you feel you're to blame.

I mean, I have men in here, Mr Douglas. They say to me, find my boy.

I find the boy.

I talk to him.

And I discovered that the reason the boy ran away was to escape a childhood of

hellish sexual abuse at the hands of my client. Oh, for God's sake.

Trust me, Mr. Douglas, that is all I'm saying. I mean, whatever you think I'll

find out, I can assure you I have confronted worse.

And if I find your boy, I'll make my own decision whether or not to tell you

where he is.

You'd do anything of the kind.

They won't get your money.

That's entirely your prerogative.

Good.

Now we understand each other.

Just the first time you've consulted a private agency.

Correct. It's a difficult step.

I want to know why you've taken it.

Time's running short.

How do you know?

Corporal Piper.

Private McGuy, 40th R .E .P.

Hope it didn't disturb your dinner, Mr. Douglas, but the door was open.

What the hell do you mean, the door was open? What kind of a bloody stupid...

I'm going to call the police.

Please.

Don't do that, sir. It isn't necessary.

What in God's name are you doing in my house? Breaking and entering. Obviously,

I can't believe I'm even having this conversation.

Mr. Douglas, if I could just explain... And how do you know my name?

Because it's Jamie's name.

And Jamie's our best mate.

Now, this is a terrible intrusion, and I apologise.

A soldier.

But we thought perhaps he might be here.

Hiding.

Why should he be hiding?

Hiding from what?

What's happened to my son? Tell me.

Jamie made a bit of a hasty decision, Mr Douglas.

Got himself into a spot of bother.

Why, nothing that can't be sorted with a little sensible conversation.

Once we've all got in touch.

What sort of bother?

Well, nothing to distress yourself.

Not really.

He's only just been posted. Mon corps.

Posted what?

It's a military term, Mr Douglass.

It's not a military term I've ever heard of.

Nor have I ever heard of the 40th R .E .P.

Is that such a regiment?

Not in the British Army.

Foreign agent.

A what?

The French Foreign Legion.

Honor, fidelity, little white hats, all that?

Good grief, that's extraordinary.

So your son's a legionnaire?

His unit is stationed in Djibouti, East Africa.

I don't quite... When you join, they give you a new name, if you want it.

New passport, to hide you.

The price you pay for that is five years of your life.

Jamie's paid less than half.

He deserves it. No.

Absent without leave since the beginning of the month.

Mon camp, as they say.

It becomes desertion in eight days' time.

So, he faces disciplinary action.

And these two, Piper and... Megahi.

They are apparently his closest friends, so they've been sent unofficially to

bring him back before the charge escalates.

It's the Legion's way of rounding up its strays.

Where are these two now?

Looking for Jamie.

Did you give them any kind of gable?

Not a gable.

I didn't know what his name is now.

When they realised it was made of bloody Houston, they shut up like stone.

Was Jimmy in England?

No idea. They obviously think so.

If he's in some kind of trouble with the law, I want him properly represented

before he returns to French territory.

Good.

What have you asked them to do with this?

I haven't mentioned it to anybody.

Now, I want to know what things in life do you may consider special?

His sister, Victoria.

He and Troy used to be as thick as thieves.

What else?

Oh, shit.

I can't read it.

Hmm?

Don't go back to sleep again, Tony, please. I'm not going back to sleep.

I said we've got 20 minutes.

I set the clock early.

Why?

I thought we might inject a bit more truth in the rumour that we're having an

affair.

Another quick screw, then back to your wife.

You said anything about quick.

Stop it, Tony. Stop what?

That. I don't want you to. You do.

I've got O -level biology.

I understand these things.

Carl!

I'm sorry.

Aren't you bloody just?

I don't... What?

You don't what?

I don't just come for this, Victoria.

I love you.

This is the ultimate humiliation, you know.

Like when you were at school, calling your teacher Daddy by mistake.

Poor Tony.

I'll bet Kafka never got this kind of aggravation from his mistress.

At your age.

At my age, Kafka had been dead ten years.

Hmm.

No.

Mr Stephen Crane, please.

Hello.

Mr Crane.

It's Victoria Douglas.

Shall I tell you what you're doing tonight?

You're having dinner with me.

Am I?

You are.

Good, I like to know what I'm doing.

Blindness, half past eight. Do I have to wear a pork?

Thank you

Where are you, Crane, you snivelling little shit?

Are these going to upset me?

Pray so. These I got from Company's house, Douglas's accounts for the past

years. Debark. Is that the word I'm looking for?

It will do.

Now leave them.

Come!

Stephen.

You wanted a word, Jimmy?

We'll keep you a moment.

Dear boy.

Little job for you, Piers.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Don't be careful, Stephen.

Crane's law, rule number one.

Excuse me.

Gum. It's on the tip of my tongue.

Jimmy.

I'm yours.

Stephen, how would you describe your situation?

Pleasant enough. Bit camp.

Not awfully clever, really.

Not awfully, no.

Transfrontier. Very silly indeed.

Not with you. All of a sudden, it seems transfrontier is quite the thing.

Indigent geriatrics and mewling infants alike.

A rioting in the streets to buy shares in this drust of companies.

It's all very curious.

Shall I tell you what I suspect has happened?

Please, in English.

The Great Unwashed opened the financial page of its newspaper

to learn that somebody, somewhere...

purchased £20 ,000 worth of Transfrontier holdings.

Didn't you, Stephen?

Goodness, they thought.

This person must be awfully well informed.

We'd better buy some too.

Of course.

Mr Franklin is presently advising the newspapers that he has been obliged to

withdraw his offer of Transfrontier.

He will explain that the price is now too high.

They may correctly conclude that an impropriety has occurred.

Hmm?

Your comment?

Franklin can afford to let one go.

To have him as an enemy may not prove so agreeable.

I'll say my prayers.

Oh, Stephen.

You are a silly sausage, aren't you?

You buy shares on the eve of Franklin's bid with the intention of making a great

deal of money. And now, of course, sadly, the value of your investment is

proceeding through the fall with epic dispatch.

Oh, you must be terribly disappointed.

Just think, I nearly promoted you instead of Garfield Ward.

Oh, what a howler that would have been.

Eh?

It's the first time, Jimmy.

The first time is the last time.

Rules of the game.

Ah, the city, Stephen.

Sometimes you have to come up with a little bit of extra.

But if you can't squeeze it out, my dear...

I think it's time you got off the potty. Don't go all anal on me, Jimmy.

Just one thing before you clear your desk.

You really are a bastard.

But, my dear, such a success.

Now, if you have a moment, I'd be amused to know why you behave so

pervertly.

about Douglas Motors.

Would you now? That investment you persuaded me to make was entirely

wasn't it, my puppet?

Those figures really were very naughty.

Oh, are these the real ones?

Why?

A bit disappointing, aren't they? I want to know, damn you.

What was the point?

You were a snob.

A thief, a liar, a hypocrite.

I'm a sadist.

Mind how you go, Piers?

Cheerio, bye.

We're seeing the bastard's face.

What is this, anyway?

It is called a Brixton riot.

You don't want to know, man. Just get rid of it.

Why?

How's the new job?

Oh, it's wonderful, isn't it?

Yeah, it's wonderful. I mean, you're dead bollocks. It was just a phone call.

Yeah, well, I just whispered at her.

I do the same for you, you know.

I just feel... Marcus! Yeah, I'm ahead of you.

Yeah, but you know that I'll start to pay you back just as soon. Marcus,

being boring. Relax.

Have a cucumber.

Hey, tell me about your sex life. That always makes me laugh.

Well, I don't know.

I look pretty good on her.

Which? Oh, her.

Misery and death.

You're bloody right.

Stephen.

I'll have to sell the flat.

Yeah, well, look, lay me hands on the house. The Brixton riot will do for now.

You have plans.

I have plans.

Oh, shit.

Cash, cash, I've got no cash.

A tenner, it's all I've got. That'll do.

Thank you.

Poor person.

For you.

You haven't eaten your pudding.

I'm your guest, I can do what I like.

Not sure I've had my monies worth out of him yet.

Naughty.

So? So?

What sign are you?

You tell me.

Leo.

How did you know?

Public commander, private sentimentalist, endlessly conciliatory

hell.

Passionate. Consistently.

I'm impressed.

I'm also Gemini.

Tremendous sense of fun, Gemini.

You like to be amused?

Not particularly.

You like me?

I don't know yet.

Are you feeling unwell?

I've been sitting here for about an hour and a half talking about trifles and

I've got the faintest idea what I'm doing here.

I want to ask you a few questions.

Ooh, academic research.

If you like.

Not entirely academic.

Research away.

You have a phenomenally well -paid job, and your services are, you assure me,

indispensable to your employer. So, starting from the premise that you have

great deal to lose... Can I write this down? How far would you be prepared to

to save the life of a business, supposing that you had a vested interest

doing so?

The truth.

All the way.

Really? Supposing that, yes.

You'd consider anything?

Anything, and you knew that's what I'd say.

Do what you like to get what you want and afterwards call it principle?

Of course. You'd use people? Yes.

You'd use me? Yes.

I almost think you're serious.

No, you almost think you're serious. That's what frightens you.

What a funny little man you are, Mr Green.

But do you like me?

I don't know yet.

Livingstead.

Excuse me.

Joanna! How are you?

Better.

That'll do.

There's my money's worth.

Stay tuned.

You wouldn't bloody dare.

Whoops.

I was back today.

I had heard.

Oh, you had heard, had you? Had you heard? Me too. I was sacked.

Well, this sick bastard.

You think it's so bloody funny, don't you?

Poor little rich bitch lost that equal job. Never mind.

Daddy will buy you another one.

Shut up.

Oh, look, it's Joanna Franklin, the human boomerang.

Tuck her away and she'll come straight back.

Well, let me tell you something, faceache.

My father is going to go insane when he hears about this.

He's going to disinherit me and give my share of his empire to my bloody little

bimbo... so that she can spend it on horses.

That's what he's going to do.

Then he's going to tear your heart out, Crane.

And guess what, you bastard?

I'm going to jump up and down on your grave singing Hallelujah!

Did that hurt?

No.

What about that?

That's enough now, Jo.

It's all right now.

He's going to kill me, Stephen.

No, he isn't.

No,

he isn't.

Why don't you listen to me?

I told you not to buy. I told you to wait.

Christ, I hate crying.

Give me your hand.

What happens now?

You see, then, your new bunkie? Uh -huh.

Much too classy for you.

But then, sir, most of the things you seem to need... She's a job.

You don't hang about, do you? No. Give us your gloves.

What about me?

Besides, she's not a bonkey.

Not yet, anyone.

I need a dirty job, Crane. You owe me.

When have I ever let you down?

Chronologically or in order of seriousness.

Dexter. That's enough.

Dinky Dex. Joe.

Stephen Dex. Mr Crane, one foot on the platform, one foot on the train.

Now this is style.

Sometimes you get lucky and it's neutral, but it's usually reverse.

I've had a thought.

Up with this, Piers. I will not put.

The boy has grievously got on my wick.

I'd also like you to meet Mr. Toshiro Yamauchi, a new customer of ours, we

Stephen Crane. How's it going, Steve?

Crane's our fairy godmother.

Oh, how's that?

I persuaded Robert against his better judgment to have a little flutter on the

stock market. Fortunately for me, it proved rather fruitful.

That's nice.

Isn't it?

Congratulations.

Um, we've got a little bit more to chat about, Stephen.

I'll wait in the office.

Be with you in a moment.

I'll come with you.

Well done.

It's too late in the day for mistakes like that.

You like to win, don't you? There's certainly no point in coming second.

I don't wish to make a fetish of harrying former employees to the grave,

Crane has relieved me personally of a half a million pounds.

Appears it is not to be borne.

But what has he done with it?

What has he done with all that money?

Switzerland. No.

His imagination is too colourful.

No, he's invested it.

He's invested it in something he thinks is invisible.

He'll find it.

Right. I don't give a fish's tit who you tread on.

Is that on or off the record? Do you seriously expect me to dignify that

question with an answer?

Sorry.

But the chase, I assure you, will be pleasurable.

Stephen has created the taste by which he is to be enjoyed.

Why? The city's finished.

It can't feed itself. The money's in there anymore.

That's the max of something, Stephen.

The rhetoric of a man who's jaded. It's true, nevertheless.

I don't have to worry about it. Touch wood.

But when it comes to doling out promotion, the ones who went to your old

tend to get lucky first.

Oh, I despise that kind of snobbery. The city runs on it.

Well, I'm astonished you should be the case in this day and age.

But I'll tell you one thing for free.

What's that?

You're going out on the buck tonight. I'm not having anybody connected with

company driving a leopard in that kind of condition. It's a bloody disgrace.

I've one of the boys sorted out for you on the house.

Thank you.

Pick it up next week. But I'm not, am I?

What?

Connected with this company.

I don't suppose for an instant I could afford you. I was thinking, Stan, you

couldn't afford my dry cleaning.

Isn't that funny?

That's three monstrous hints you've dropped in quick succession, Stephen.

still on your wavelength.

Really, I'm as thick as two short planks. You'll have to spell it out.

Because, A, I don't honestly know why you're here.

And, B, I don't know what it is I've got that you could possibly want.

Except my daughters.

And I don't think either of those are available.

For the past six years, my chief province has been engineering and light

industry. Up and down the country, absorbing, interpreting, advising.

I wake up one day and I realise I've had enough.

I'm bored.

I'm fed up with telling other people how to run their action. I want hands -on

now. I want to get dirty.

And?

I also want some money.

Look, let me just say, at this juncture, that I'm not at all sure that I want

you here.

Don't be offended.

I'll only be offended if you forgot that last week I found you half a million

quid. Yes, yes, yes, I know. And I'm more grateful to you, Stephen, than I

possibly express. But, you see, this is a family business. I'm afraid that you

would demand sacrifices of the company that would compromise the ideals the

company is based upon.

I will save this company, Robert, from the knackered yard.

Then if you want me to go, I'll go.

Well, what if you find life in the country agrees with you? Then you make a

space here to give me a permanent job with a high salary.

Which one?

Yours.

Curious episode the other day.

Oh?

My daughter lost her job.

Oh, what a nuisance.

What's the matter?

The little tinker got caught with her hand in the transfrontier till.

Rum business altogether.

Cost me a bloody fortune.

Cost me another to play for somewhere else now. It's embarrassing, Jim. Well,

course it is.

Not as if she's short of a bit of cash.

Well, children.

Where did we go wrong?

I find out who is responsible for my daughter's inconvenience, I staple their

pelvis to a fire hydrant.

Seats and headrests. Just one minute, you're quick. Call me within one minute.

You are here, Stephen.

In a way. In a way.

Jesus H.

Something bothering you, Mr. Yamauchi? The English.

You're so goddamn vague.

I've been here 12 hours trying to buy 50 goddamn cars. Here I'm sat in front of

the freaking television.

It's unreal.

I know what the things look like, for Christ's sakes.

I just want to know how much they cost.

When can I have them?

You know, business.

Okay, Tosh.

From the top.

It's Robert Douglas here.

I'm disappointed to find you out. I just wondered what kind of progress you've

been making.

Absolute guarantee, no problem.

50 Douglas Leopards at standard trade discount.

Mr. Yamauchi here was worried that we might not have his order ready in time.

This is, of course, nonsense.

I've given him our professional assurance that we can guarantee delivery

appointed day.

Which day is that? The 16th.

I've explained to Mr. Yamauchi that when it comes to making prestigious British

sports cars, we make the fastest and we make them the fastest.

That's how we've kept our independence here at Douglas.

Fended off redundancies, takeovers.

We always know when it's time to put a rabbit out of the hat, eh, Robert?

15 % mark of unstandard retail.

What? The man's a total nonce about money. He's burning a hole in his

15 %? Tear his arm off, Robert.

Somebody's going to.

Mr. Yamauchi.

We have a deal.

Hello?

Victoria?

Actually, Stephen, it's Penelope.

Can you make do?

Keep going.

All right, come on.

More. More. Whoa!

You're sucking your teeth at me, Peter. This, you mouchy. It's all fur coat and

no knickers.

Some of these motors were down for private clients. It's your mouchy or

man out of every shop, Peter. Take your piss. I know, it's just that he... Now

listen to me.

I'm up to my arse in alligators.

I don't want any more of your professional scepticism, thank you.

Me, me.

You smile, Peter. Look at you. Go on, help them all.

Dad? Yeah, for me.

Stephen Crane. On his way tomorrow afternoon, as per can somebody meet him

the station.

I said Gavin would pick him up. Tomorrow afternoon?

Is there a problem about tomorrow afternoon?

Not in the slightest.

That's fine.

Good.

Everything all right with you two?

Yeah, yeah.

Women's singing.

What?

Oh, yes, yes, of course, yes. Oh, good.

I mean, you know, good.

Yeah, sorry.

Lucy. Lucy.

Lucy. Touch me and I'll blind you.

One thing about Jamie and his women, he'd always pick a fighter.

Why don't you put your lipstick on by eating it? Oh, you.

Do that again, dead meat. Jo, can I borrow your card tomorrow?

No, you bleeding card.

Praise the Lord, rule number one. One way or another, I always get what I

Let's hope that one day we'll be together.

You remember.

Do you remember that motor show we did all in Russia?

When was it? Oh, 68.

Yeah, up all night the night before. Six D -type roadsters to be dressed and

tested by breakfast time. Oh, God, what a nightmare, eh?

Next morning on the transporter, bloody great letters scratched on the back of

each car.

Penny, Victoria.

Well, they were helping, weren't they?

You're done with arses, Robert.

Oh, yeah, they never forgave me for that. Bless them.

Come on, I'll buy you a drink, eh? Right.

Bye. Bye.

Can I help you?

Cigarette.

What sort of cigarette?

Lovely, yes. Those are fine.

Anything else?

No, that's fine.

I'm ready.

God, oh, you're so beautiful.

Shall we go?

Sonia, my love, listen.

I can't.

Can't what?

I can't take you into town today.

I've got to see somebody. It's only just come up.

But look, I'll give you some money. You can buy yourself something nice, a

lovely dress.

I mean, you'll probably have much more fun looking around the shops without me

dragging you along. I want to go with you. Thank you, Gavin.

Oh, God.

Oh,

yeah, right.

Right!

Bill of decorum, bill of decorum, please.

Douglas Motors and all who sail in her.

Speech!

Speech! No, no, no.

He's been working for this company for many years. It's tragic that today I

to let him go.

Now, seriously, though, you've all done astonishingly well getting this

finished. I'm very grateful to you all.

It's no secret that the old bogeyman austerity has been breathing down my

again. And I can tell you, this time he had real halitosis.

There's a case of his fizzy rubbish, and then it's down to the bell, and I'll

crash you all to death.

One more toast, I think, to the gentleman without whom, et cetera.

Hi -ya! This man has filed, Mr.

Toshiro Yamauchi.

Yeah, that's nice.

We have fun, don't we, Gavin?

Bags of fun, yes.

Right,

well, that's it.

I suggest we reconvene at the pub. That's planned in a couple of hours'

I'll try and fill you in on whatever the hell's going on. Peter, you come with

me, please.

Lorraine, get on to Tokyo immediately, demanding confirmation of that message

return.

Sorry.

It really hasn't been my day.

I've got cramp.

They'll have saved you, won't they? Don't panic.

On what?

Drink.

You are the guest of honour.

Yes.

Thanks.

I'm a little late, Robert. Forgive me.

Left it for you.

Don't understand.

Your march has gone to the wall.

Evidently, his credit rating was a fake.

Fifty leopards have just been loaded up as freight.

And are about to set sail. Have you called the docks? Of course.

No way they're going to unload now.

Those motors belong to the receiver.

Wait a minute. We've been shafted, Mr Crane.

Nice work.

Feel like another speeding ticket.

That's all you want me to do? That's it. You do know the number here, yeah?

I'm getting good at it, Penny.

What?

Snatching defeat from the very jaws of victory.

It's difficult, Dad.

No, no. It's perfectly simple.

I'm startlingly in a droid, that's all.

Totter along, carrying my smile like an egg on a spoon.

Robed in the certainty that everything's absolutely as it appears to be.

You're mouchy.

Mary. Don't.

Jamie. Every time.

I am such a stupid, stupid man.

Where are you?

It's Gavin.

He wants to talk to you.

You're still here.

Hello, Gavin.

What? What do you mean?

Can I get you the squawk box?

Robert?

They've all been taken off. All of them.

Yeah, I'm looking at the bloody things now. They're getting wet.

What? No, customs.

Customs officers.

Yeah, the police.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, the police had some kind of anonymous tip -off that the cars were

stuffed full of computer thingies. The Russians.

Where are they now, Gavin?

Where are the cars now?

Oh, it's extraordinary.

All you need now is a tidal wave and you can clean up your insurers with an act

of God.