Original subtitles

Liverpool up to fifth, then she gets a wobble with something chronic.

All the way down, round the box, back bracket just doesn't like the vibrations

in the red. It's not strong enough.

The trouble with these cars is people will drive them.

Try a strap, Dink.

Make it pretty.

One pretty strap.

I don't really want to write off a whole new system. And I don't really want to

fit one, quite frankly. It's six o' bloody clock now.

It's not. It is.

1804. Oh, my God, where are my keys? What's the problem? Oh, well, I've got

be at the school, haven't I?

I'm going to be late.

Disaster. Never mind.

Have a crack at it, Dink.

If it doesn't take, at least we tried, eh? Right.

Oh, for God's sake.

Make him formal.

He thinks he's a bloody poke. Get on with it, you lazy bugger.

Synchro Mesh was the weak link in the 60s. People forever bringing back the

leopard sea, moaning like hell.

You know what my father used to do? He'd stuff a pair of silk knickers down the

gearbox. Never failed. Smoothest change on the road.

Ladies knickers!

Ladies knickers!

Oh, my giddy arm.

Oh, sure.

Where are they going?

Stay there.

It's all right. This is the boss.

We've lost seven cars.

Anybody hurt?

Dink's a bit shaken. The weld on that G caught a fuel leak. Went up in his face.

Oh, my God.

But it's all right. He's all right. He's lucky it was just a flash.

Dink?

He said he could smell petrol.

Well, I couldn't smell it. Jesus Christ, Carl.

I couldn't smell it. Relax, man. It's all taken care of.

Sorry about the mess.

How do you feel, Dean?

A bit of brain damage.

Right, that's it, really.

I just want to say one

thing.

I don't blame anybody for this, except myself.

And I'm not going to sack anybody because of it.

Yes, I'm going to have to lay a few of you off for a short while.

But I want you to know this is a strictly temporary arrangement and in

only until the insurance is sorted and we are fit to operate again as normal.

Also, you know, I hope you know, that I would not be doing this if there was

anything else I could possibly do instead.

Right. Anyone want to say anything here?

Yes, me.

We've had a rough ride before and we'll have one again.

And just because we've had a bit of a bonfire doesn't mean it's the end of the

road.

Amen.

I

need

a coat of paint, this one.

God forgive me.

I thought you put it rather well.

I'm not following this conversation.

I lied.

He lied. There's nothing temporary about any of this.

Will somebody explain, please?

It's the end of the road, Penn.

We got there six months ago.

You'll have to translate.

The company is effectively bust.

We function entirely on overdraft, the limits of which we transgressed some

ago. Douglas Motors is what?

What are we?

Anathema to Sensible Investment.

That's us.

Says who?

Bank manager.

So what's the lie?

Those men I laid off, I can't see I'll ever be able to take them back.

It's funny, really.

Can't afford to employ them.

Can't make the cash properly without them.

It's me, isn't it?

I've never lied to them before.

I've never been lying to them. Ever.

So we're ruined.

Gavin.

Perhaps you should just see if your father's all right.

Could we mortgage the house?

Well, I think two mortgages are probably enough.

I keep making suggestions. He's not listening. He's just switched off. I

switched off, Penny.

It's just that everything you can think of, I have thought of and tried several

times already.

All right, you don't have to snap.

Look, I'm not. Oh, for heaven's sake.

Well, what are you going to do? Sell, I expect.

Then die.

Not necessarily.

But I will, I will go down fighting.

It's time to take the weapons from the wall.

We're talking about last resorts here, really, aren't we?

I've got one.

Oh? There's a bloke I used to box with a few years back. Works in the city as

some kind of business analyst.

No, Gavin.

Penny doesn't like him because he once made a pass at her.

He did not.

All right, because he once didn't make a pass at her. Who knows? But I think

he's worth a try.

What's his name?

Stephen Crane.

He's probably too busy even to talk to us.

Turn it off.

It's the sun.

Good sleep.

I don't believe I've been to sleep.

Oh, dear.

At all.

How awful for you. For at least three months. Three months? Nine days?

I was reading my diary.

Is that right?

Mm -hmm.

Getting bored with me?

When am I going to be late for work?

Half an hour ago.

Not really worth going in then, is it?

Not really.

What's your problem, apart from the obvious?

Jimmy Blake.

First bloody thing in all.

But he's such a nice person.

Bastard. Oh, I can't face him. Yes, you can.

I'll hold your hand.

Where's your report?

In here.

Oh,

what's me bloody combination?

Stephen. You recognise my type?

Everyone's got a number. Oh, God.

You're very late. We're also at the main feature, so no worries.

Gum.

So?

Thank you, Marcus.

That was jolly interesting.

An astute purchase, as I see it.

So you do.

So you do.

So is that the green light then, Jimmy?

No.

Piers, tell us about Nesmith Recreation.

Nesmith Recreation PLC.

Small -time tax -losing toy of Lord Nicky Nesmith. Piers sleeps with Jimmy?

Is that a fact? No, that's a lie. I wanted to make you feel better.

My dears.

Do share your amusement.

Sorry, Jimmy, but frankly, Nesmith is a dog.

Rather brutish analysis, Stephen.

Business is up, certainly.

However, my little man at Inland Revenue tells me they've had Nicky's number now

for 18 months.

Buy Nesmith, Jimmy, you'll wind up paying his tax bill, and we're talking

wrong end of six figures here.

Not my project, of course, just...

Thought it was worth mentioning.

There is a contingency. We don't have to condemn the purchase because of it.

Thank you, Pierce.

Stephen, enlighten us on the subject of Telbeck Trust.

Telbeck?

You'll love it.

Hey, thanks.

Just like I'm a waste of space, I might as well find a report straight out the

bloody window. Crane's law, rule number one, never let them get to you. If you

do, you have to get them back.

Then you tend to lose your job, which is something you can't afford to do,

because you owe me 22 ,000 quid, and if I don't see somebody soon, you're going

to wake up and find a horsey dead making a mess of your duvet, you know what I

mean?

So cheer up.

Happy, happy, happy. Oh, yeah, but Steve... Listen, some you win, some you

But I've never seen you lose.

Tell Beck straight off.

Hey.

Your promotion, is it official or what?

Oh, what? Nothing in print.

Marcus, Jimmy would like to see you.

Oh, Christ.

Jimmy would probably like to see you in a frock.

It's the way to get on. But for what now?

You're going to get a small bollocking for talking in class.

Relax.

Just be sensible.

I'll wear a condom.

So, rule number one, it's not who you do, it's who knows you're doing it.

I'll bear it in mind.

There's a bloke looking for you, by the way.

Damn it.

Half a million quid.

It isn't sweetie money, Gavin.

You used to tell me it grew on trees, here. It does.

But people like you aren't allowed in the orchard.

Banks are banks, Gav. They just won't spend into a loser.

Who owns the company?

Chairs.

30 % sunk without trace on the USM. 70 % held by the family.

I .e. Robert Douglas.

And the two daughters. And 20 % technically belongs to Jamie.

Because Robert thinks that it's the displeasure of the gods, the fire and so

The fact is, the company's been going elegantly to hell ever since his father

died.

This is unadulterated emotional blackmail, and I apologise, Stephen, but

a friend, see, and I don't know what else to do.

I'd have to come up and look round whenever's convenient for you.

You're also calling in an old debt here, aren't you? Let's be frank about this.

There is an element to that, yes.

Okay. Okay.

One thing I don't understand.

What? Who's Jamie?

Robert's son.

He disappeared about two years ago.

What do you mean, disappeared?

Well, it's a long story, but basically he just shoved off the night his mother

died.

Haven't heard a peep from him since.

All right.

There are elementary checks that should be made by the police before calling

you. It really isn't necessary to keep asking you to... No, no, no. It's what I

asked them to do.

There's no reason why the body, if there is a body, should turn up at this

particular institution.

I do think you're wasting your time.

It's my time.

Where are you?

Here. You're not.

What's the matter?

I can't afford to waste a day poncing about in a stick pretending to be

interested in cars.

There's a lot of action at work. You've got to keep your face six inches in

front of Blake's nose or he forgets who you are.

Pretends to forget.

You'll burn yourself out. Hey, rule number one. Live fast, die young, have a

good -looking corpse.

Joe. Marcus.

Oh, I'm sorry, Peppa. I think I'm about to be sick.

Right.

Let's go find a good place to do that, then.

Daddy? Daddy?

I was falling.

Oh, sorry, love. I thought I heard somebody up here.

Marcus. Over here, concentrate. Why are you so drunk?

Because I've been drinking.

Yes? Where have you been drinking? We'll try that, shall we? Open.

Do you know where you are now?

I'm a bugger's creak without a bloody paddle.

I'm redundant, me.

The bastards made me redundant.

You know what he said?

Dear heart...

Dear heart. Dear heart?

There's two things I've got to tell you.

Well, the first thing is I'm redundant.

The second thing... You're having Stephen run your money. Forget it. I

just don't know how I'm going to be able to pay you. Don't worry about it. I'll

have the headset around.

He's only given it to bloody payers, hasn't he?

Gave what to Piers?

A promotion.

Your promotion.

That's the second thing.

Are you going to be ticked?

I haven't got the energy.

to make it better.

Hello?

Yes, I know I said yesterday, but you may have heard me experiencing a few

problems.

Still not past your test then, Ben?

Hello, Stephen.

You're still very beautiful.

You haven't changed.

You certainly haven't.

Morning. Good morning.

Bank managers.

Oh, is that what they look like?

After shaking hands with them, count your fingers.

Daddy? Yeah?

Mr. Poyser's here.

Oh, that man. If he had a slightly higher IQ, he'd be a plant.

This is Eric Bailey, who's replacing me as manager. How do you do?

I hope 12 o 'clock is still convenient for you, Mr. Douglas.

Oh, yes, yes, of course.

So how much would one of these set you back nowadays, then? Look at this type,

like this one, 16 grand.

Oh, where I come from, you could buy a house with that.

You can't walk around with your arm hanging out the ass, can you?

It's a good business.

No, it isn't.

Sorry, Stephen, I need to borrow my husband a minute.

Something's come up.

Try it.

Well, Alfred here is production manager. He'll give you the tour, tell you what

you need to know, catch up with you and on. What's the matter? It's always like

this. How disappointing.

The prototype of the Douglas letter that we see today was designed, built and

raised by Sir John Douglas personally in 1931.

This is the gear cutting machine.

And there's the lathe.

Oh, I must show you this.

A bank of drilling machine.

Ten years older than me.

And still in perfect working order.

Are you?

Little money spent here would be money well spent.

Aye.

Worthwhile investment, don't they?

Oh, yes.

Of course, we had a lot of trouble in here with the pigeons.

In the old days.

Oh, dear.

They used to roost up there and drop all over the fresh pollock with their

droppings.

So he stuck that cat up there, see?

Perfect. Haven't had any problems since.

Nobody's demeaning the quality of the product. The car isn't the problem.

It's the management.

It's the management, the marketing, the capitalisation.

You simply don't have the backup to sell profitably a vehicle that's so

expensive to make. If I may speak frankly, Robert...

You're a managing director, but you behave like a mechanic.

I am a mechanic.

We make cars.

Yes, but we don't make money, do we?

Look, there are leopards on the road which my father made when he was my

age. Robert, it's not a question... Now, just listen to me.

These cars are anything up to 60 years old, and their owners use them every

I don't know how... They are able to do so because nobody at Douglas Motors at

any level has ever compromised.

on the quality of materials, craftsmanship, or ambition for the mark.

Now, I know I could bang out pre -assembled engines in half the time for

the cost.

So why don't you?

Is he listening to me?

Because I choose not to.

As a matter of principle.

Principles are a luxury you can no longer afford, quite frankly. Look, we

experienced a small misfortune with this accident.

Mr. Douglas.

This company's misfortune is neither small nor is it accidental.

I have recently been approached by a Japanese buyer, a new client. His name

Yamaguchi. He's very keen and there's every possibility of a major contract.

Oh, well, that is good news.

Without the bank's continued support, I shall be unable either to repair the

fire damage or re -engage the necessary staff to fulfil such a contract.

Could we be specific about Mr Yamaguchi's requirements?

I shall discover them specifically when I meet the gentleman next week.

I see.

I don't wish to bore you with the adjustment in lending policy at hairy

but I'm afraid that unless you can demonstrate radical new management

initiatives... 50 cars.

The figure of 50 cars was mentioned.

Principally along the lines of further substantial rationalisation of

I don't think... Please.

Please.

Soon here, mind your feet, accounting.

Of course, this isn't all a big thing.

We lost everything prior to 1940 with the bombing.

Mind you, that's going back a bit.

What's this?

The future of Douglas Martin.

And that's little Richard.

Looks like a spaceship.

Thank you, Mr. Duxbury. You've been jolly helpful.

It's not in your interest, Mr. Douglas, to insult my profession.

I'm not insulting your profession.

I'm insulting you. Am I supposed to be impressed by that?

I think it probably went over your head.

That's a quick one, Mr. D.

So we can take negotiations proceeding well.

Winning?

Nobody's winning. Some of us are losing faster than others, that's all.

Crane's law, rule number one, never say die.

Unless, of course, you're already dead, but people are too polite to point it

out.

I think you're Stephen Crane. So do I.

Making sports cars is no occupation for an adult person, Mr. Crane.

Agreed. Money, money, money. I'll be carried to the barbecue in a long box

before I make any money.

Commonly, I need a week to understand the business.

A couple of hours here is enough, eh?

Now, you're going to say, aren't you, something like this. I can tell it to

the hard way or the hard way.

Come on, Mr. Crane, on the chin, why not?

You don't make enough cars.

You sell them at the wrong price to the wrong sort of customer. You're too

local, too old -fashioned, too ready to waive costs for regulars, and you don't

pay your boys enough for the work they do.

Agreed.

The sort of individual prepared to bail you out of this situation is called a

complete dickhead. No, no, please, say what you mean.

Fortunately...

The world is full of them.

Pardon? You're no fun at all. Go on, get in. So what's a dumb like you doing in

a beautiful place like this?

I've had Marcus on the phone.

It was awful.

He just cried and cried.

I just didn't know what... What do you expect me to do about it?

I'm up to here with Gavin Bloody Nichols and his dinky toys. I thought Marcus

was your best friend.

Everybody's my best friend when they run out of money, Joe. Let's face it.

Jesus.

Listen to me.

It's okay.

No, it's not okay. He is my best friend.

I'll find him a job somewhere. God knows how, but I'll try. Sod that.

It's the money.

What do you mean?

I lent Marcus ages ago. Yes, I know. Well, I can't ask for it back now. The

stupid tosser's gone and got himself sacked, can I?

You are a nice man.

I'm a bloody saint. I've still got to pay for all this.

I can't afford to write off 25 grand being nice.

22. Interest.

My halo's slipping.

Come and get me.

Come on.

How's it going? Just about to start.

Watch out.

Watch out.

Big threaten with bankruptcy.

Missing blind date all in one week. They're more than a man could stand.

Hmm?

Ladies and gentlemen, blind date!

About the money.

I might be able to help.

What?

Go through Daddy's handbag.

In a way.

What kind of way?

What kind of way?

I don't know. Tell me.

Well, it's just... I don't know.

No, it's too dangerous. I'm sorry.

Joe! What? There's a naked woman in the corridor.

What?

What kind of way?

So, what kind of an animal is Stephen Crane?

He's rather like one of those things on Tom's videos that won't lie down when

you shoot it.

Time's getting short, then.

Do you really suppose he can get us the money?

He's certainly very persuasive.

Stephen! You know you want to tell me.

Sorry, I missed that. All right, all right.

But I can't tell you till tomorrow.

your entire body when you're asleep.

Oh, shit!

Okay, think of a number,

big bum.

37. Double it.

74.

74 ,000 direct to summary.

Nice one. Very tasty.

And another?

139. Minus your age.

Can't do minus.

112. Spot on. Number of cars on order here.

What a fabulous investment opportunity this is.

What's this?

A game?

That kind of thing.

It's called killing three birds with one stone.

Gavin and the dinkies get bailed out.

Blake gets peed upon from a great height.

And Crane gets a happy little face.

You are insane.

Insane. Six letters double it. Twelve million profit last year.

Before or after tax?

After.

Golly, didn't they do well.

Are you coming to bed now?

Yeah.

Sorry I was, you know, today.

Doesn't matter.

We've got a lot on your mind.

It was probably my fault for making you sleep.

That's a busy day tomorrow.

Let's turn in.

Not yet.

I don't feel very sleepy.

What time is it?

Time to tell me what's in Daddy's handbag.

Transfrontier Holdings.

Did I ever tell you what a beautiful woman you are?

Stephen, listen, I've got to check that's still the case.

He said he'd fix the takeover for Friday week.

Plenty of space. By now we're laughing. They can't touch us. But I've got to

check. OK?

OK. Don't buy anything until I tell you it's safe.

Did you hear what I said?

What's the matter?

Don't you trust me?

to go shopping again with your Uncle Stephen.

Let me get my truck.

Okay.

Transfrontier, put me on for 20k.

What's this drivel?

From the man who brought you Loughlin PLT, Cosgrove Partners, Telbic Trust,

Douglas Motor Manufacturing Company Limited.

Peaches and cream.

What were you up to, dickering about?

bucolicly, when you should have been working.

I was working.

I don't wish to appear churlish, Stephen, but I do feel a bit of a churl

on. The word small cash injection.

Scarcely competent to describe an investment of £492 ,000.

Hmm? I didn't say anything.

You rarely do.

Why are you smirking?

Because you're always so bloody grumpy when you're about to make a lot of

It eases my conscience.

Moreover, I'm not as yet persuaded by this tawdry document.

How did you arrive at this figure?

I asked my girlfriend to think of the first number that came into her head,

subtract her age.

Don't be cheeky, puppet.

Morning, Jones.

Morning. Is that all ready?

Well, so what's new?

Transparency's been brought forward.

Oh?

When to?

Tomorrow, which is good news. This stuff's been clogging up my desk for

755, please.

Also, there's the new car.

I've seen it. Full specification blueprint on the wall.

Pretty? I don't know how to describe it.

It's like a spaceship.

Any other thoughts?

I promoted Piers.

Was I supposed to look surprised?

Your turn next time.

Something a little more substantial, perhaps.

That would be nice.

It beats me why I allow myself to be advised by you.

You're such a devious little oik.

May I use your telephone?

No.

Use your own.

Gavin, make me laugh.

Stephen Crane just rang and invited himself to dinner.

Oh, did he?

Not tonight.

Sorry, Robert.

Penny's already given me a roasting. But Victoria's coming up. I know. I

completely forgot.

Oh, never mind. We'll make a space for him.

Did he, um... Did he say... Nope.

Hmm. No indication.

No mention at all, I'm afraid.

Oh.

Gonna be an interesting evening.

So, number five, please.

Hello, is Stephen Crane around at all?

It's me again, Joe. First Tokyo, right?

Would you mind? It is rather urgent.

If you can wait somewhere, you'll see it.

Thanks very much.

Poor little Stephen Crane, Pierce.

In what respect?

A little toad so desperate to lick up to me after his professional

disappointment.

He's gone to enormous pains to bring me something quite delicious.

How nice.

Pantolized and confound, my dear. The perfect incentive strategy for the

Arriviste in our midst.

I thought you'd heard my news.

Huh?

Franklin's making a bid for Transfrontier through the services at

We must allow the competition a little of his business.

First Tokyo ran a check on individuals who'd bought into the company this

morning. An offer must be imminent.

And found that someone in particular had been a little previous with their

checkbook.

Naughty. Called Stephen Crane.

Just had their compliance officer on the line.

Told him there must be some terrible mistake.

Get Crane.

Please get that thing out of the way.

Now watch out, you can toss.

Come on.

You're wasting your bullets. They're already dead.

Oh, my God.

I don't believe it. She's on time.

No, that's the leopard.

It's gone to Victoria.

Then it's smoothie tops.

Now, the monstrous regiment is through there, and the booze is in there. Make a

rational decision.

Red, please. Good man.

Yeah?

First Tokyo compliance.

Call me back.

Blake?

Yes. Hello again.

Regrettably, Mr. Crane is not available.

One moment.

You might find it useful to interview a person in your company's employ by the

name of Joe.

Without an E.

I have in front of me a note found on Mr Crane's desk.

It says, and I quote, Call Joe.

One T -O -K. I presume that means...

First, Tokyo.

V, urgent.

Ah.

Well, of course, isn't it?

Oh, not at all.

Glad to be of assistance.

Oh, God.

God, the people.

Hilly, hilly boy.

Unlucky, of course.

Will they prosecute? I doubt it.

The city is rarely inclined to parade its misdemeanours before the proles.

get so agitated. Besides, I don't believe there is sufficient dirt to take

sensibly to court. But they will expect you to dismiss him.

Of course.

But there we are.

I could never seriously countenance advancing a man who says lounge.

Now I believe we have an engagement.

What did he say?

I think it's bloody rude.

I expect he... Daddy's getting drunk worrying about it. I expect he just

to have a moment with your father on his own.

Stephen, are you lost?

First on the right.

All right, my folk.

Well, I think it would be easier if you came out.

You've never actually met our host.

Only in legend.

What? I've heard a lot about him. I suspect most of it is true.

His talents...

are substantial.

A remarkable man arrived with his arse in rags from some sordid mid

-European hovel in 1946,

aged 12, hacked his way to the top at the time he was 30.

It all sounds insurmountably tedious.

In spite of it all, he's a fascinating man.

As a guiding principle, leave the conversation to me. I don't want to come

from this empty -handed.

You won't.

Piers Garfield Ward.

Homer Franklin.

What will you drink, Tom? Oh, your money's no good here.

Felix?

No, on the contrary. I have in my pocket a little list of poorly companies that

I should like you to buy for me.

Shall I give it to Piers?

Yes, I shall.

Now, I don't think you've ever met my daughter, Joanna.

Always makes business with failure.

Not the only way, but the best.

Here she is.

Come here, give me a cuddle immediately.

Oh, you haven't waited for me, have you? Yeah, of course we have. Come on in.

Who's the guest?

Oh, he's a friend of Gavin's. He works in the city.

Oh, I thought he looked a bit timid.

Does he drive a BMW?

Victoria, please, no Che Guevara at the table tonight.

He's trying to raise some money on our behalf, and he's going to talk to me

about it after dinner.

Well, why doesn't he talk about it with you now? Because, obviously, he's failed

to get many.

Don't let him eat too much, then.

Can we now congratulate you on a successful bid for Transfrontier?

a league.

The price is climbing.

Oh, how irritating.

As you say.

But I expect my family will keep me informed.

You work at Transfrontier, Joanne?

Jo? No, I work for First Tokyo.

Do I see here the name?

Douglas Motors?

Ah, yes.

Not seriously on your list, is it? The celebrated product calamitously

mismanaged.

A prestigious morsel appears for a man who collects such things.

Surely not.

The managing director is a decrepit drunk, squandered every sort of

credit. Ah, yes.

A month of floundering, perhaps?

Then we shall hear the death rattle.

Your cue to deliver me the corpse.

You're saying the company is not, as it were, in the best of health.

I think that's what I'm saying.

Yes.

Well, isn't this nice?

Can we order now?

Academics are not parasites, Mr. Crane. I never said you were.

I fully appreciate the impact your research into 14th century secular

-making is going to have on world economy.

We are, as a commodity fetishist like yourself should recognise, a service

industry. That's right.

Like a laundry.

I would consider working as a washerwoman a far more constructive

than yours.

Victoria, I've often had the same thought myself.

Stop playing to the crowd and defend yourself.

Shall I give you a bit of help?

A woman's fee, of course, so you don't have to listen.

Your bank has lots and lots of money, which it lends to people who don't

have much at all.

Or this is where you say yes.

Yes. So then these people have enough money to pay you a great big fee,

including a substantial commission for you personally, a high rate of interest,

and, of course, fines if they default.

Yeah, but... So at the end of this whole wonderful process, You have even more

money than before.

And they have even less.

Yes?

Yes.

So, what good did you ever do anybody who was misguided enough to ask you for

help?

Any more for any more.

Well, I did pay a check on special clearance for £492 ,000 into your

father's account this afternoon.

But I'll take your point.

That's brilliant.

That's absolutely brilliant.

Hello,

big

boy.

What's the matter, darling?

Can't you sleep?

The trains.

They stop and then they go round again.

Sleepy, aren't you?

Stephen?

What about a nightcap?

The end.

The end.

I'm not having it.

Not in my house.

Robert.

What is that?

This is against the law.

And I will not allow it in my house.

Do you understand?

Listen, why don't you just piss off and let me have a smoke?

We're finished, Jamie.

We've always been finished, Dad.

Give me that!

Get off!

Get off!

Give me!

Stop it!

What do you want?

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