All language subtitles for Chance In A Million s03e02 Guess Whos Not Coming To Dinner

Here I go again.

I hear the trumpet blow again.

Oh, what a glow again.

Taking a chance on love.

Here I slide again.

About to take that ride again.

Starry -eyed again.

Takin', takin' a chance on life.

Morning, Allison.

Brought you a cup of tea.

That's very kindly, Tom.

Bought dress, too.

Got zebra droppings out, all right.

Still rather distinctive smell.

Doesn't matter, Tom. Your cousin Mary
lent me some things last night.

Well, I hope you don't mind. I borrowed
a pair of your pyjamas.

Long years of boyhood, Alison.

Dreamt a body like yours would climb
into my pyjamas.

But, Tom... Didn't often happen, of
course.

I'm here now, Tom.

Yes.

You've been out riding? Yes, yes. Went
out with George Poulter.

Odd thing, doesn't seem to come back
yet. Tom, you didn't let him ride old

Satan, did you?

Old Satan?

No, because it's on that list of things
your uncle asked us to be careful of

while we were here.

Here we are, number 73.

Yes?

Since the stable fire, Satan has become
highly strong and too dangerous to ride.

Ah, got you right. No, no, no.

Poulter went out on horse called Stan.

Written up over stable door.

Magnificent beast.

Eighteen hands, jet black.

That's rather large, isn't it? Yes, yes,
but Poulter knows no fear.

No respecter of country code, though.

Thundered off through four hedges,
shouting at the top of his voice,

into dead man's bog.

Hope he knows secret path back.

Perhaps you'd like to join us tomorrow?

Oh, Tom, if I could borrow some clothes,
I'd love to come.

I was always very keen on Pony Club as a
girl. Really? Never knew that.

Well, not a real Pony Club, of course,
just the little plastic horses from

Janet's model farm and some straw in the
bottom of the wardrobe.

But we mucked out, made little rosettes,
kept a proper stamp book and

everything.

Tremendous.

Until Daddy found the boy next door
gelding my little cart horse with a

soldering iron and he confiscated the
straw.

Ah.

Lucky enough, personally, to ride range
with Arnold here.

Good boy.

Seat well, though, did you?

Well, to be honest, Tom, no, I didn't.

I suppose I was just worried about this
weekend.

Tom?

I thought there might be one left.

relations and friends, Tom. You know, I
so wanted it to be a success.

Well, last night wasn't a very good
start, was it?

Yeah, it's all my fault, Renny.

I should never have gone through a
safari park like that. I wasn't thinking

the zebras, Tom.

I just found it rather embarrassing to
arrive in a strange house after midnight

in a police car with a siren jammed.

And then to get out to find it's run
over the family cat.

Very old cat, Alison.

Hardly ever used these days.

I got the feeling standing there in the
hallway that he'd rather we hadn't come

at all. Not at all, Alison. Not at all.
Not like you.

No, they're your relations.

And, you know, I want so much for it to
be a success. I want them to like me,

Tom. I had no idea the house was this
big, and I can't remember anybody's

Which one was George Poulter?

Poulter? Ah!

One who got shoveled to scrape cat off
gravel.

So who was the woman who was complaining
about the blood all over her dress?

Cousin Julia.

Short red hair.

Old Dr Caffrey was one who mopped chest
with pocket handkerchiefs.

So the man who... pushed his way through
the crowd to give the kiss of life to

that young policeman. That must have
been Sir... John Blade. That's it. Sir

Blade. Ex -Civil Service.

Old friend of Uncle Evelyn's from
Cambridge in thirties. Young fellow in

yellow jumpsuit with him.

Secretary, I think.

All here. Only one reason, Alison.

Celebrate our engagement.

See you at breakfast.

Oh, no, Tom, please.

Wait for me. I'll get dressed and come
down with you.

Only wearing top half, Alice.

Oh, I think pyjama bottoms are a little
bit personal, Tom.

Yes, um, well... George Porter's still
not here.

Do you think we ought to go out and look
for him, Tom? No, no, not to worry.

Easily get lift. Always falls on his
feet, you know. Yes, probably on his

stretched out in the back of some
vehicle, being driven home this very

Morning, Uncle Evelyn.

Morning, Mary.

You're sure this weekend was a good
idea?

Well, we had to do something. The poor
fellow's just got himself engaged. We

couldn't ignore the fact.

How about if you all went home and sent
him a large amount of money in the post?

I've taken a few precautions, and I
think we all behaved sensibly and

Well, I'm laying odds one of us won't be
here for dinner tonight.

What sort of precautions?

Just the usual things, the obvious
things.

I've alerted the emergency services.
We've evacuated the two next -door

cottages.

Jarvis has put a first -aid box in every
room, and I've locked the gun cupboard.

I'm afraid that means the shoot is
cancelled.

Thank God for that.

I thought we'd play cards instead.

And there was one other thing.

Morning, Uncle Evelyn.

Morning. Morning, Mary.

Morning, morning.

Just help yourself from the sideboard,
my dear.

Wish I could remember what the other
thing was. Other thing?

Oh, nothing.

It's going to annoy me all day.

Did you manage to sleep all right,
Alison?

Yes, thank you. We were a little
concerned by the screaming.

Oh, I'm sorry about that.

You see, I was just getting undressed
when I heard this animal in the ivy

outside my window.

But fortunately, Tom rushed in and
rescued me.

Extraordinary. What sort of animal?
Probably a dead one by now.

Slammed window, stop it getting in.

Her sharp cry of animal pain.

Probably squashed it.

Morning, Doctor.

Late.

Everything all right?

Oh, yes.

I cut myself shaving.

Oh, it was quite an eventful journey
last night.

Yes, I'm sorry it was so late.

Thank you for lending me the clothes.

Not at all.

What happened exactly to your head? In
the safari park?

Well, it started with the baboons, you
see.

Over the years, they've collected a
large number of car keys, and they just

happened to have one that fitted Tom's
boobs.

And they fed the entire contents of my
whole daughter to the zebras.

Surely, if you'd kept on driving... No,
no, no.

Tyres shot away by game wardens.

He was making a protest.

Yes, you see, the problem was Ronnie the
rhino.

Now, he was the game warden's favourite,
you see.

Ronnie the Rhino, extremely short
-sighted, formed sexual attachment for

metallic grey mini.

Which I think, in fairness, Tom, I think
he did need a new exhaust pipe anyway.

Rhino put down yesterday.

Yes, and we were the first cast through
after the warden heard the news. As I

say, he was making a protest.

Yes, yes. All right, then, just a quick
dip.

Ah.

that John, a young friend, might try it
myself this afternoon.

What?

Swimming.

That was it.

What was?

What I was trying to remember.

Come on, Jolly. Last one in for safety.

We drained the swimming pool.

Seven hearts.

No head.

Got three pheasants this morning.

Pheasant? But I locked all the guns.

No, no, with lawnmower.

Caught them by surprise on croquet lawn.

Gave cuttings box to Jarvis. Thought he
might manage shepherd's pie tomorrow.

people do find it odd in the
circumstances that I should get on so

Tom. You know, him being keen on the
quiet, organised life.

It's the attraction of opposites, I
suppose.

I suppose it must be.

I thought you might like to see some
pictures of Tom when he was young.

Oh, lovely. Thank you.

Any news of your young friend, Sir John?

Oh, the doctor said to phone in an hour.

Can't have done him any good sliding
across the swimming pool floor like

What did he do exactly?

Oh, he's a very talented young man,
Julia.

Manages a wallpaper shop called the
Happy Pastel.

And he was such a beautiful boy, wasn't
he?

Yes.

I'm so sorry.

No bid.

No bid.

Seven spades.

No bid.

No bid.

Do you play Monopoly, Tom?

I'll go and get the board.

There he is, shaking hands with the
post.

Ah, looking at old family photos. Not
too boring. Oh, certainly not, Tom.

There's one of you here bowling against
Colin Cowdery. Ah, yes, yes, yes.

Charity match. Got him out on first
ball.

Later discovered, bales fell off as a
result of minor earth tremor.

Could be right. Hang on, just a tick.

Sir John, recognise yourself, do you?

Uh, no.

No, this isn't me.

As a matter of fact, I distinctly
remember I was in Sheffield that

Oh, who's that in their underwear
outside the National Gallery?

That's me.

My fault again.

Yes, caught Cousin Mary in revolving...
door just as uncle was going to take

photo.

Oh, what a pity. I've spilled coffee all
over it. Now I will never know who it

is. Don't you worry. Negatives all
safely stored upstairs.

We need a cloth.

Mr. Jonathan.

Really?

Yeah, you're right. With the same man,
too.

Giving him a tube of toothpaste this
time.

Sir John?

You've got a machine gun in this one.

Yes, that was in Kensington Gardens.

He caught it when a gangster threw it
out of his getaway car.

Fortunately, the policemen on duty
outside the Russian embassy were

understanding. Look, Sir John, again,
coming out of Embassy Gate.

The couple with him look vaguely
familiar.

Aren't these the Krogers?

Absolutely right, Alison.

Look,

young Guy Burgess in background.

Historical photograph, this one, Sir
John.

Sir John? I think he's gone to ring the
hospital.

Right, now I'll be top hat.

Who else is playing?

Not least, the geese are flying tonight.

Flying!

Oh, look, Corkle sawed the code.

Just tell General Palaikin if I'm not on
the next aeroplot for Moscow, he'll be

needing an umbrella, because this ghost
is fast developing a serious attack as

the Screaming Trot Kid.

Sir John, I'm afraid we played for you.

Landed on community chest.

Want to know whether you want to pay ten
pound fine or go to jail?

Probably just simplest, send him to
jail.

I have always liked it down here,
secluded and private.

Are you sure they're safe?

Safe? The bees?

Oh, yes.

Like most people, if you are nice to
them, they will be nice to you.

Oh, what is this?

I'm afraid one of the little fellows has
crawled down the back of your train.

No, no, no, don't move.

We don't want to make him angry.

But if I just stand here, do something,
Dr. Caffrey, please.

Oh, really?

We could get him clear if I just gently
does it.

Can you see anything?

Not yet, my dear, but I'm sure I can.

Made this myself.

It's all very impressive equipment, Tom.

Was this a present as well? Matter of
fact, yes, from Sir John.

Visiting house one day, carrying
suitcase, it fell open in landing.

Asked him what it was.

Said radio transmitter.

Present for me.

Special surprise.

Extremely generous. Not even birthday or
anything.

They're very good to you, aren't they,
Tom? I mean, I know it hasn't always

easy for you, but you've had a very rich
childhood.

So, yes.

Toys and books and comics.

We never had comics at home.

Farron? Just Daddy's crochet magazine on
a Thursday.

But I used to read a little bit
sometimes, you know, a raglan sleeve or

bit of Fair Isle, reinforced gusset,
perhaps.

But, you know, it wasn't the same as
real stories.

Is this ready to go, then? Should be.

I think you'll find this rather
impressive.

Norwegian whaler.

All right, Captain.

It's been programming, spent one entire
summer programming this to do the

following.

But to do what, Tom?

Odd thing.

Transmitting at full power, not a
flicker.

right there. Let me deal with it.

I think they must be drawn by your
perfume.

It does have a particularly attractive
mark on it.

Ah, silly mistake. Been transmitting on
wrong wavelength.

Tom? Yes?

There's a girl running down the drive...

His cousin, Julia.

And Dr. Catherine.

What are they up to?

Why does your uncle want us in the
drawing room at six o 'clock?

Short, traditional ceremony. In old
days, impending family marriage used to

announced by shooting bag of coins from
cannon on terrace for villagers to pick

up. Oh, what a generous idea.

No. No, more sort of sport, really. Old
Squire used to love to watch odd yokel

come too close, lose his teeth to
passing threepenny bit.

New arrivals nowadays celebrate it with
champagne and cake.

Yes, but it's nearly six o 'clock now,
Tom.

Target set.

Harpoon loaded. Oh, look, please, Tom, I
don't want to get on the wrong side of

your own car. Worth waiting for, Alison.
I think you'll find this rather

impressive.

Also activated by voice.

Fire. Fire.

Look, I think I will go down, Tom.

Mary said he flapped her legs once just
for missing grace.

Probably best. Join you later, Alison.
Aye, aye, Tom.

Portage too low for you, is it? Got
something for you.

Is everything all right, Tom?

Yes, yes, all's well.

Oh, I thought I heard someone shout
fire.

What does your father do, then?

He's in soft fruits.

He's manager of the cold storage plant
at Basildon. But his real love, of

course, is crochet.

Oh, now, that's a good idea.

I'll get Jarvis to put the hoops out on
the lawn.

No, crochet.

He's president of the Bazzled and Happy
Stitcher Circle.

Actually, it's something of a family
tradition.

Tom's traced it back, and apparently in
the 17th century, our family were all

jobbing leggers.

I see.

You know, they used to travel round
knitting leggings for people.

How jolly interesting.

Yes, isn't it?

When Daddy heard, he sent a pair of
crochet tights to the Queen, with a

one leg and a family name on the other.

Haven't seen her wearing them yet,
though.

Yes, well, I think it's splendid the way
you and Tom hit it off so well. You do,

don't you? Oh, yes, yes, we do.

I know he takes a little bit of getting
used to. Oh, but that's what you've done

so well, haven't you? You've got used to
him. We never really did.

I must say, today it seems to have gone
comparatively smoothly.

Where is everybody?

Must be after six o 'clock. I'll just
check the wireless.

I do sincerely hope that you and Tom
will be very happy together.

He was welcomed in Moscow this afternoon
by his one -time colleague, Kim Philby.

With further embarrassment to British
intelligence... There we are. Six o

news. I'll just ring for Jarvis.

I think we ought to open the champagne
without them.

Can manage quite well, thank you, Tom.

That's one of Tom's models, isn't it?
Norwegian whaler, Uncle.

I didn't know anyone else was allowed to
touch them. He was always very attached

to them. I'm quite attached with myself
at the moment.

Uncle, would you? Yes, of course.

Thank you.

Mary? I'm sorry, Uncle, I just need a
few Valium before I drive myself to

hospital. Hospital?

Got a harpoon in her, um...

Offered to pull it out, but... It's a
harpoon, Tom. It has barbs in it. Mary,

are you sure you ought to be drinking
that if you're driving?

Quite right, Alison, really. It'll never
get to the end of the road.

It might just be a blessed relief.

No, no, no, they're right, Mary.

Jarvis, get rid of this.

I'll take you to the hospital.

Thank you.

Could someone just cut my cable first?

I'd feel marginally less stupid and
casualty if I didn't have a Norwegian

under my arm.

Jarvis, we'll take the roll, so you'll
need your cap.

because of one little accident.

Come along, Jarvis.

Sharpen it up.

Well,

this is for us.

Long and happy engagement.

Tom? Yes?

Sure Jarvis can drive hunched over the
wheel like that?

Jarvis? Perfectly safe. Never had an
accident in 50 years.

Poor Sherry, lower intestine, likely to
be pickled for posterity.

Look, there's little names here telling
people where to sit.

There's Cousin Mary.

Oh, you're here, Tom, between Dr.

Caffrey and Cousin Julia.

The thing is, actually, I'm rather
hungry.

Uncle Evelyn, Sir John's young man.

Yes, wondered if we might start.

Look, and I'm here, Tom, between Sir
John...

Something might be wrong.

Oh, there's nothing wrong here, Tom.
It's absolutely perfect.

Ah, yes.

Jellied consomme.

Would have preferred something hot.
Still, everything will be all right when

Jarvis turns up with roast mallard and
stilton stuffing.

Oh,

I'm sure they won't be very long, Tom.

No. Do you know, I feel so really
worrying about this weekend. You know,

it'll be a success or not.

for once being so kind and friendly.
Yes. Cousin Mary lending me this lovely

dress and the champagne and the cake in
my honour. And Dr Caffrey's promised to

show me the bees tomorrow.

And I know, I just know I'm going to
remember this weekend for as long as I

live.

Good.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.