All language subtitles for Chance In A Million s02e06 Naming The Day

Here I go again.

I hear the trumpet blow again.

All the love blow again.

Taking a chance on love.

Things are mending now.

I see a rainbow blending now.

Here I have the ending now.

Taking, taking a chance on love.

Apparently not.

According to this, died on Tuesday.

Oh, let me see.

What the fuck is this, though?

It's spurned by lover.

Threw petrol over self, lit match,
committed suicide.

Well, they could have used a different
picture than that. You look all cross

-eyed.

See an engagement announcement?

Oh, they've all seen it, lad.

In a manner of speaking, engagement is
announced.

between Miss Alison Little and three
Labrador puppies.

House trained.

Rented, furnished accommodation
required.

£320 on nearest offer. Oh, no.

Have a go and complain again, soil
-brained idiot.

I would go myself, Tom, except it's my
exam today.

Exam? Piano, part one theory and
practical.

That's instead of my lesson.

Yes. To tell you the truth, Tom, I'm not
very good at exams.

I get this funny tummy.

When I was seven, I was sick in my
pencil box before I took the Chanel

test.

Oh, I thought you just took those
things.

In your stride.

impression of being terribly self
-confident, Tom, but underneath it all,

often just heaving away.

It ruined my O -level.

In my domestic science, the examiner was
just coming round when I threw up all

over my balanced breakfast before.

I got good marks for nutritional content
because they couldn't give me a great

deal for presentation.

But if it makes you unhappy, Alison,
just don't do it.

Ever since you played Silent Night on
your tuba, I decided then and there that

one day I'd accompany you on the piano.

Lovely idea, Alison.

Long winter evenings, just you and me
playing in front of the fire. Oh, yes.

Then you could get out your tuba and I
could play the piano.

Never mind.

Regular practice, most important thing,
really. That's what Miss Dawson says I

need mostly.

That and a piano, of course.

Tom, are you doing anything today?

Yes, I am. Actually, painting front
door. Then round to pub for lunch.

Only I was wondering if you could see
the vicar about today.

You know, for the wedding.

Oh, yes, of course, of course. Excellent
idea. Going to see him anyway. Want to

sort something out.

Oh, there's no problem, is there?

No, no, no, no problem, really. Just a
slight snag. Might have to apply for

divorce.

Divorce?

Yes. Happened some time ago, actually,
on the cycling holiday in North Wales

with old friend. Came upon small tribe
of Yucatar Indians.

Brought there by hippie commune for
wigwam building teach -in.

What happened?

No idea.

Woke up next morning, head like a wicket
-keeper's box.

Apparently...

Married? Chieftain's youngest daughter.

Six days it took me to get over the
mountain.

Thoroughly exhausted.

Yeah, like an emergent.

But worse for friend, of course.

Had to undergo warrior initiation
ceremony.

Never been able to look at a flint
since.

But this marriage, Tom, that wouldn't be
legally binding, would it?

Hard to tell, really. Wrote to Los
Mochis.

tribal homeland, but didn't get any
reply.

Bound to blow over sooner or later.
Thought it a good idea to see Rector.

of course.

Well, perhaps you should have mentioned
it earlier.

No, it doesn't matter, Tom.

The main thing, Alison, not to get
upset.

No, that's very thoughtful of you, Tom.

Well, um, see you later, then.

Going to library dressed like that?

Oh, it's Roman Day at the library, Tom.
It's Mr Wingent's idea.

We're all dressed as guardians of the
flame of knowledge.

I'm a vestal virgin.

Quite likely to stay that way.

Yes, morning, yes. Chance, Tom Chance.

Come to complain about picture on front
page of newspaper.

Look, she's over 18 and she wants to
pose. No, no, no, no.

Wrong picture.

Unfortunate man burnt himself to death
on lover's doorstep.

Oh, I see what you mean.

Yes, you do look a bit cross -eyed,
don't you?

Headline in appalling taste. Local man
fired by love. Well, that's just

newspaper language.

Yeah, it goes on. Phew, what a scorcher.

Second point, man not dead at all.

Sat on front doorstep, threw petrol
itself, missed it, burnt the door.

So you're not the fellow who... No, no.

Then what's it got to do with you? My
door.

So drunk, missed his own house. Oh, I
see what you mean. Tell him what I'll

Mr Chancellor.

As soon as the reporter gets back in.

I'll send him round to sort out the
story about the burning, sort out an

to print, and give you a free insertion
of the correct engagement announcement.

Better tell, editor, any more mistakes
likely to personally give him free

insertion of entire print run up his
back page.

All right?

Colonel, get Martin Darling round to his
place. I want an apology and a cricket

story that'll get that maniac out of my
hair.

I was sorry to hear about Tom being
burned to death like that.

What? I should imagine it was very
quick, though.

Oh, you mean the newspaper thing? No,
that wasn't true, I'm afraid.

Wasn't it? No, they muddled him up with
someone else.

I'm afraid I've left his name off the
invitation.

I don't know if he wants to come.

Oh, you're getting married again. Not
again, Alison. Just trying to get

Can you help me, Mr Dodge?

Thank you.

I wanted to check on the plumbing.

Oh, you can use the staff one if you
like.

No.

No, no. I'm looking for a book.

We've got a leaky cistern in the vestry.
Oh, do it yourself.

It's in the far corner, Mr Dodge.

Right opposite for your Gasdillion
theology.

Right next door to home brewing.

Ah, yes.

You know, I'm sorry to read about your
fiancé.

Despite what everyone said, I rather
liked him.

Oh, thank you, Barbara.

Tom will be very grateful for the
invitation.

Good.

Any news about your own arrangements?
Have you chosen a day?

Um, no.

We haven't really thought about that
yet.

Oh, well, you should, Alison, before
someone else beats you to it.

Don't think I need worry about that with
Tom.

Oh, don't you believe it.

No, they're all the same.

I can always tell when Terence is trying
it on with someone else, he starts

buying me flowers.

Oh.

Do you know, I think a successful
relationship has to be based on mutual

Fear, Alison.

Naked physical fear.

That's what brings them to heel.

I've always told Terence that if ever I
catch him being unfaithful, I'll cut it

off with a machete.

Are they? Are they?

I wonder.

I don't know.

What does it want?

Well, I think he wants his lorica
loosening so he can go to the lavatory.

This'll do. He's got the table of four
ratios I need, you see. We're getting

back up at the moment and the wretched
thing flushes of his own accord.

Oh, dear.

It's downright embarrassing, apart from
anything else. It flushed itself on

Sunday in the middle of my sermon about
the danger of falling between two

stools.

Sir, that story about Tom wasn't true.
He's perfectly all right.

Oh, that's good.

And we were wondering if we could come
round and see you. It's not urgent or

anything.

I'm sorry, I suddenly had a notion for a
sermon.

on the pavement.

Sharpening their pylons.

Oh, they're probably hiding from Mr.
Wingent.

He's teaching them to form a testudo in
the car park with their little plastic

shields. And then to prove how strong it
is, he's going to drive his Volkswagen

over the top of him.

Interesting. They're being very good,
really. But we have had a bit of trouble

with the ballista.

Catapult thing, is it? Don't stand next
to the notice board, Tom.

to hit people reading the notices with
yoghurt bombs.

That's like a water bomb, only with
yoghurt.

Excuse me.

You'd gone before I could even say thank
you. Had I?

I don't suppose you can possibly know
how much these meant to me.

Probably not.

And I can only tell you that when one's
lover has attempted suicide by fire, and

when one has been driven from one's home
by a husband's petty prying into one's

private affair,

One finds simple, honest gestures like
this unbearably poignant.

I just wanted to say thank you from here
for these wonderful flowers.

And I hope the fates will one day let us
meet again.

before.

Can't quite place it. Extraordinary
behaviour.

Yes.

Tom, the rector was here a few moments
ago and I've arranged for us to go round

and see him in about an hour.

I wanted to tell you, can't make
appointment. Have to go on your own. Got

back to my place for the next couple of
hours.

Someone coming round.

Oh, right.

Better push off, really. Just came in to
cheer you up.

Thank you.

Have I come to the right place?

Barbara Cartland, Mills and Boone, yes.
This is the children's section.

And is there a list of what's gone in
town anywhere?

Yes.

Actually, the most up -to -date details
are on the notice board.

Thanks for the little book of yours. Our
main problem is corrosion in the water

pipes resulting from a faulty olive.

Please sit down, Miss Dick. Thank you.

You say that Tom had done a bit of this
sort of thing?

Yes.

If he got stuck, I wonder if he could
just pop round and ask his advice.

Oh, I'm sure he'd be glad to help, but
why don't you just call a plumber?

Ah, those were the days, weren't they,
when you could just pick up a phone.

The last time I got a plumber in, he
charged a sort of money that used to be

enough to launch an average -sized
destroyer.

So, what can I do for you?

Well, um, I suppose I've come to ask for
some advice, but, um, it's a bit

embarrassing.

Good, good.

You see, Tom and I thought we might like
to get married.

Oh, dear.

Only Tom thinks he might already... he
be married to an Indian woman?

I see.

You're not talking by any chance about
this daughter of a Yucatan Indian chief,

are you?

Yes. Because a pagan ceremony taken
under duress, I can't see any real

there. Oh, you can't?

Yes.

How did you know about it?

Well, funnily enough, his friend came to
see me a few weeks ago.

He wasn't quite as lucky as Tom.

He got mixed up in some warrior
initiation ceremony.

Now he really has got problems.

He's only going to pick up a flint
and... So you can't see any reason why

shouldn't get married?

Well, it's not a decision you should
take lightly, but I'm sure you are both

free to marry whomsoever you wish.

Oh, I can't tell you how relieved I am.

Or not, if you'd rather.

You could just forget the whole idea.

Spend the rest of your days peacefully
at home, your feet up in front of the

fire, a pipe...

A good book.

But I thought the church encouraged
people to get married.

Interestingly enough, St Paul in the New
Testament only recommends it as a last

resort.

Celebrity. That's what he really pushes.

I see. I wonder if you'd keep your voice
down.

One never knows who's listening.

But I thought he could hear everything
anyway.

No, no, my wife.

You've no idea how sound travels through
these ceilings. No, people often

dismiss celibacy because they don't like
the idea of chastity.

But I've never found that much of a
problem myself.

There's a very interesting little
pamphlet I'd like to recommend to you

I wonder if you'd mind not smoking in
here, Miss Little. The rector's trying

give it up.

Lunch in an hour and a half, Lawrence.
I've just started boiling the cabbage.

Fine.

Fine.

Worth a little read, I think.

Against matrimony?

Yeah. Thank you very much.

But, um, if we should decide to go ahead
with it, how soon could we get married?

You had a date in mind?

Well, yes, we...

Saturday? It has to be a Saturday. You
sleep because of my parents.

Ah, Saturdays are a bit tricky. You see,
my wife and I run marriage guidance

classes on Saturday mornings.

And the afternoons do fill up with sales
of work dates and one or two weddings,

I'm afraid.

Look, there's a possible date in late
October.

October? It's months.

Well, you just decide.

And then let me know. Now, there are a
couple of questions.

I should ask you, I think.

Right.

Does Tom possess a Stillson wrench or a
tin of Boss White?

explained about our water. No!

It's been cut off while they put the
central heating in. It wouldn't bother

normally, but I've got all this yoghurt
down my back.

No water.

Need bath.

Covered in yoghurt.

That's right.

You live with Mrs Holmes, then? No, no.
Live here.

Mrs Holmes got house of her own, three
doors down.

You mean I've... Aunty said it was the
first house on the other side.

I don't believe it. Oh, how
embarrassing.

Don't worry. Perfectly simple mistake.

I mean, what you must think of me. My
clothes and your washing machine.

The tub's turned on and everything.

If you'll just lend me a coat, I'll go
straight home. No, no, no need.

Bath running.

Obviously need one. Might as well stay.

Really?

Oh, that's very kind of you.

Very kind.

If there was anything I could do for you
in return.

One thing.

Could clean out baths.

Old pair of Y -fronts under weight
disposal pipes.

Oh, excuse me.

Martin Dowling, Tom Bonneco.

Ah, yes.

Excuse me, please avail yourself of the
facility.

In here, darling. I'm sorry we're a bit
late. Yes? We've been trying to

photograph this tourist site jumping off
the top of the income tax building.

Waited most of the morning and then some
idiot talked them out of it. Listen to

me. Darling, two points. One, want
correction.

Two, want apology.

Any more mistakes, warning you, big
trouble, right?

Right. Yes.

We were going to do a small piece on
your cricket career, but if you've... My

cricket career?

Yes. Well, you're captain of the Somborn
First Eleven, aren't you? Not captain,

exactly. Just a sort of useful spin
bowler. Really?

Used to...

at number three position. That's a
rather...

Don't you...

Scratching my paintwork.

I just hope you can sleep at night,
that's all.

All right, Brian, we'll leave it there.
Wait, some explanation you called for.

Well, if you insist on taking my wife,
Mr. Johnson, I don't see why you

shouldn't have to put up with our bits
and pieces as well. Wife?

The woman you were kissing in the
library this morning. Remember?

I told her I'd find out who her lover
was one day. It'll take me a long time,

but now I've found you. And here's the
proof, in black and white. No, really,

quite simple. Anytime you need any more
petrol and matches, I'll be happy to

oblige. You people have no idea of the
human misery you cause, do you? What

happens to the dog, huh? Who looks after
the guppy fish? You don't think of

that, do you? You don't! All right,
we've gone quite far enough.

Now, listen to me.

Very closely.

Yes, all right, all right. Now,
newspaper article, misprint.

Not your wife's lover.

Never have been, all right? Anything
wrong?

No problem at all. Fellow just worried
about his wife or something. That

wouldn't be a brunette, would it? Five
foot six, long hair, mole on her right

thigh. That's Joanna. Where is she? I
think she's upstairs having a party. Oh,

right.

Perfectly simple explanation, really.
Yes, and I look forward to hearing it,

Chance. In court.

Come on, Brian. I didn't say anything
out of turn.

Listen to me, darling.

Hello. Hello.

I'm just collecting my clothes.

Good, good.

I wondered if Tom was available.

Oh, yes, I think he's in.

You're all wet.

Yes, I've been plumbing.

Oh.

Everything all right? Oh, yes, it was a
lovely bath, thank you. We're all right,

but I wondered if you could borrow some
oil skin and one of those rubber

plungers. Yes. Hold it.

piano exam?

Oh, I came joint first with Gavin.

Gavin? Short, dark -haired little
fellow, older than the others?

Yes, he's nearly seven now.

Well, we all passed, really.

And then we were formally initiated into
Miss Dawson's semi -brief club.

Initiated? Nothing to do with Flint.

No, we all had to shake hands with Miss
Dawson, promised to practice every day,

and then we were all given a secret
badge.

Secret badge?

Mm. You have to pin it somewhere where
people who aren't semi -briefs can't see

it.

Reverend Dodge phoned earlier.

Wife gone on holiday.

Oh, really? Where? New Zealand.

Staying with cousins for a couple of
years, apparently.

How's he taking it?

Surprisingly well, really. Seemed almost
cheerful.

Faith, obviously a great comforter.

Yes, I suppose it must be.

One silver lining, though, Alison.

Marriage guidance class is suspended.

Sophie can marry us any time after the
21st. What about the 22nd?

Good. Are you ready, then? Yes. For one,
two, three.

Alison.

Where's yours?

What?

Secret badge.

Oh, I thought you could have a little
look for that later on, Tom.

Thank you.