Original subtitles

Here I go again.

I hear the trumpet blow again.

Oh, what a blow again.

Taking a chance on love.

Here I slide again.

About to take that ride again.

Darby, I'm again.

Taking, taking a chance on love.

Nice to meet you.

Feeling all right?

Um, drop stick.

Drop.

Good boy.

Yourself, Anna.

Well, it's the sphere streak of independence I have.

Not criticising you for it. Always admired you for that, you know, but... I

one of those little pluggy things.

Ah, good, good.

Heavier than I thought.

Ah, yes, well, that could be the sand. One of the workmen filled it up for me.

He only had wet sand, though. He said when it dries out, I'll be able to lift

down and put it somewhere when I'm not using it. Ah.

Yes. Landlord approve of that?

Hasn't seen it yet.

Thought he was coming round to deal with your complaints.

Oh, he only said he might if he had a spare moment.

I'm not quite good enough, Alison. At least a dozen things need attention

I mean, draft under door, window jammed, damp patch behind bookshelves,

spider in bath.

Musical lavatory seats never work properly.

Well, it goes up and down, Tom. That's the end of the landlord's

It's only the last tenant who fixed it to play the song of the vulgar boatman.

All the same, needs proper maintenance.

Let me have a word with him. Oh, no, that's very kind of you, Tom, but, well,

the thing is, it's only a cheap flat.

If it's a problem with living on my own, I can't really afford anything else.

Difficult, yes. I mean, it'd be different if I was sharing with someone,

course. I wouldn't have the same problem then.

But where does one find someone to share with? Can you...

Not for the moment.

Alison, absolutely necessary for both of us to wait for Cousin Thomas.

Cricket match on pitch behind pub.

Love to know the score.

Oh, who's playing?

Junior XI versus team from Glasgow Remand home.

Likely to be a tough match.

Right. And I'll fetch Cousin Thomas down as soon as he arrives.

Good, good. And Tom, thanks again for the punch ball.

It was the loveliest birthday present.

No, no.

Not at all. Not at all. Oh, yes.

See

you

in half an hour.

Bye.

It's me, your cousin.

Tom? Yes, I had a bit of an accident with some wet cement.

I have to keep jumping up and down like this in case it sets, Doctor.

Oh, look at you. Well, you'd better come inside.

I was chased down to a building site by a dog, then thrown into some

wet cement.

What, by a dog?

No, no, no, by three Irishmen. They took a... I spent all morning sort of

smoothing it out.

Oh, you poor thing.

You come all the way down from Hartlepool.

I don't know.

Well, you can't go to a Cliff Richard concert looking like that, can you?

Come on, I'd better help you out of these.

Have you got any spare clothes, little Thomas?

I've got a Sue Barker T -shirt.

What?

It's a swap.

You see, last time I was down, I managed to trade my spare summer holiday LP for

a 1963 hardback edition of Cliff, The Golden Years.

This time I got my eye out for Hank Marvin's plectrum.

Yes, Thomas, have you got any spare clothes?

I've got a pair of pyjamas and a fold -away plastic raincoat.

Are you sure that's all right?

Well, yes, I think you'd better have a wash down in the bathroom.

Through there.

And I'll put these in the sink to soak.

Oh, it's working!

It's so unfortunate, Tom, especially after the trouble he had last time he

down. The hotel.

There we met. Yes.

He's kept him so long for questioning, the only bit of the concert he actually

heard was an encore of Bachelor Boy.

Awful boy.

You see, Tom, we have to remember that he's a Herbert.

Really? Yes, his side of the family are all Herberts. Mummy was a Herbert before

she had a little.

A little what?

That's her name, Tom, Dory Little.

Ah. And you see, we're of the little side of the family, tend to be

go... anywhere, do anything tight, all like me.

Well, the Herbert's are far more sensitive.

Cousin Thomas particularly.

I have to tell you, Tom.

Well, when he was 17, Auntie found him in the bathroom with a pair of scissors

pointed above his wrist.

Any special reason?

Well, I think he was going to cut his nails.

But then as soon as he said, of course, I'd just taken away his tie and

shoelaces before he went to bed. I thought you ought to know.

Kid gloves, Alison.

Kid gloves. If you wouldn't mind.

What this?

It's got an article on satisfying one's partner.

Served most of the magazines, but somehow thought it'd be more interesting

there than a woman's realm.

Yes.

Posing pouches.

The ethics of padding.

Interesting.

Ah,

what you might like to know, scores 93 for no wickets.

Oh, that's good, is it?

Not really. Other side's batting.

They will rely on these pace bowlers, don't they?

That's really quite a prop.

Steady on, there.

Steady on.

Plenty of room.

Time again, Tiger.

Talking to you.

Oh, yes.

And, er, what's up with you, then?

Same. Plenty of room. No need to push. Filled my beer.

Oh, so what am I supposed to do then?

Grovel on the floor in apology?

No need to be offensive.

I may be small, but when bullies like you try something like that on with me,

tend to, uh, take them outside and show them what for.

Don't be so stupid, Mum. It's all right, Sadie. I know what I'm doing.

Well?

Well what?

Are you coming outside?

Certainly not. Came in here for a quiet drink. No intention of wasting time on

brawl with ill -mannered little pimple.

Are you coming outside?

Or are you scared or something?

Right. That does it.

How's that?

Do you want any help, Tom? I've got my yellow belt now.

No, no.

You keep it on. You need it.

Eric, all evening.

Ball hit him on the head.

Oh, yeah,

Tom, then?

Everything all right, Alison?

Yes, Tom's just gone outside for a fight. Won't be long.

A fight?

Oh, Tom, is he really hurt? No, no, no problem, really.

Just suffering from shock, you know.

He says he wants to go home.

Anyone got a car?

Car? I suppose we could strap him to the saddle if he's under 50 and give him a

push in the right direction.

Tom?

Ah, you must be Cousin Thomas.

Chance. Tom Chance. Just got to dump this little fellow.

So do I.

What was the fight about, exactly?

Well, that man spilled his beer.

Is that all? Well, it's enough, isn't it? It was very rude.

Some of it went on Tom's clothes. Very particular about his clothes.

Sorry about that.

How do you do?

Drink. Oh, yes, certainly. What would you like?

No.

No. Me to get you a drink.

Well,

whatever would be fine. Fine. Good, good, good.

Two pints of lager, please.

That fellow you just carried out, are you sure he's all right?

Oh, yes, yes, yes. Girlfriend looking after him. Two pints of lager.

So, late -night concert, then back to my place, eh?

I thought I was staying with you.

Oh, no, you'd be much more comfortable with Tom. He's got loads of room.

I don't want to be any trouble. I'd be quite happy at the YMCA.

No, no, no, no trouble at all. Rather looking forward to late -night drinking

session. Suit comfortable?

Yes, thank you very much. Good.

And I've got my little pack of that, you know, in case it rains or anything.

We don't want the soup getting wet, do we?

Eh?

Oh!

Oh, hum.

Spilled your drink.

Awfully sorry. Get you another one.

Replacement for this gentleman's drink, please. No, no. I'm sorry. That's just

not good enough.

Pardon? Well, it's not, is it?

I mean, you can't just go flinging people's drinks off the bar whenever you

fancy and then think that buying them another one's going to make it all

Now, can you?

Not flinging anything anywhere. Small accident.

Come to think of it, damn silly place put larger.

Oh, I see. So it's my fault now, is it? Nobody else should have a drink at the

bar in case you feel like flinging your arms about.

Warning you, not entirely happy, your tone of voice.

I suppose you think that this aggressive attitude of yours makes you look good

in front of your girlfriend.

Are you sure it's worth it, mate? I mean, the fact that she's going out with

can only mean she's got an IQ even smaller than her chest measurement.

Outside. What?

Outside. Right, mate.

manners. Happy to oblige.

Hold it, hold it.

Save all that for me, right?

That way, nobody gets hurt.

Right, mate! You've asked for it! Now!

the man with the broken arm.

We don't know if it was broken yet, Thomas.

Came in here.

Quiet. Drink.

Any more trouble, know what it'll cost you.

None. None.

Three bags.

Dry road.

Ah. Right away, sir. Good.

Still taking cousin Thomas to concert?

Oh, yes. Mustn't leave it too late. What time does it start, Thomas? Oh, not

till after eight.

Ah. Time. Time now.

Thank you very much for the drink and everything

Compliments to the house. Very good. Thank you.

Oh,

hello.

Hello.

I've come to say thank you.

Oh, nothing to it.

I thought the way you settled with my fiancé Malcolm was magnificent.

Fiancé? Yeah.

But I'm going right off that idea at the moment.

You see, I like my men to be physical.

Very, very physical.

When you get down to it, I mean, there ain't a lot of Malcolm to be physical

with.

Here, can I buy you a drink?

Very kind, but... A pint of lager, please.

Here.

You ain't a professional athlete, are you?

No, no.

Play the occasional game of cricket.

Bit of trouble with the bike, eh?

No, I'm fine, thanks.

Here, someone gave you a bit of a pacing, didn't they? No, no, no. It's

make -up. I'm fine.

Make -up?

Yeah, that's right. I do this sort of thing for a living.

Service welfare.

You know, like if you want to impress your girlfriend by thrashing the living

daylights out of some guy who's just dead or entitled, you give me a ring.

I've got a card here somewhere. There you go.

I don't believe it.

Well, I make it very convincing.

You ask any of that lot in there.

That's not what I meant.

You're Terry Fratton, aren't you?

Yeah.

I'm Malcolm Driver.

I'm the one gave you the phone call.

You're Malcolm.

Oh, no, not again.

Where the hell were you?

Look, I'm sorry.

You said you'd be in the lounge bar at 7 .30 with a copy of Pumping Iron. Well,

I was a bit late. You see, my wife needed some help with the housework.

Housework? I've just been carried out of there unconscious in front of me fiancé

because you had to help with the housework.

It wasn't my fault.

She'd hidden my trousers.

Unless you said I couldn't have them back until I finished the ironing.

I only got there at all because I missed the tea towels.

And I'll be hell to pay when she finds out about that.

Sir, if you could give me a lift down, Tom, I'd be ever so grateful.

Great pleasure. I mean, I wouldn't ask normally, you know, the flats just being

down the road and all that, but, well, it's this silly me of mine, you know? I

mean, it looks perfectly all right, doesn't it?

Look, sir...

Pressure, you see. I have to spend an awful lot of time lying down.

Yes.

I had that problem once. Missed a complete season.

Really? Well, how did you try things? Oh, usual things.

Liniment. Matter.

Oh.

Matter. Yes.

Oh, that's what it needs.

Yes. A firm, strong touch. Yes. Expert. Yes. Yes.

to interrupt, but could I... Excuse me.

Yes, yes.

Well, I managed to catch up with Thomas, Tom, and he was on the main road trying

to head you back to Hartlepool.

Now, I've managed to persuade him to go back to the flat, but he seems awfully

frightened of you, Tom, after those fights.

Ridiculous. Wouldn't harm a flea.

No, I know you wouldn't, Tom, but you know how nervous he is. All right, OK.

Back home, then. Come on.

Emergency. Oh, it doesn't matter.

Three hours till closing time, I'll wait.

Well,

you don't think he'll do anything foolish, do you, Tom?

I do, really. Oh, it's just that he's so very over -sensitive.

Shut up you fuck!

Listen mate, I don't want any trouble.

Yeah, well you're gonna get some.

Do you want to fight or something? Okay, any time. Come on, let's fight.

and Tom a stomach pump.

Well, they had to do it, Tom, to be on the safe side. And anyway, I think he

feels safer in the hospital.

What about you, though?

Where are you staying tonight?

Oh, well, I suppose I'll have to ring round for friends.

Of course, it'll have to be someone with a house of their own.

Oh, my dear.

My place?

Your place, Tom.

Completely respectively.

Privacy. Room of your own. Oh, it doesn't matter.

We're not going to make any more cleaning up.

Agreed, then. Oh, thank you.

Splendid. Feeling better already.

Well, shall we go, then?

Yes.

Snake skin top, leopard skin skirt, large chest.

Yes, I am. She's locked in the ladies and the key's lost. Oh, dear.

I'm trying to get her out. Can I give her a message?

I just wanted to give her a lift home. Don't worry about that. I'll see she

home personally.

Good, good.

What happened to him?

Hit on the head by Honda Toolbox.

Trying to break up a fight in a car park.

Yes. Another victim, you know.

Abbotry, Cousin Thomas, all dogged by disaster.

Oh, now, Tom, you mustn't blame yourself.

It's just that when the blind hand of fate strikes, we all have to live with

consequences.

Blind hand of fate.

Nicely put, Alice.

Could be right. Yes, I think I am, Tom.

Nothing any of us can do about it, really.

I need to come take glow again.

All that glow again.

Taking it to the world.

We make it out light again.

About to take that light again.

How are we hiding?

Taking a print on love.

Bring my blending out.

I see a rainbow blend.

Thank you.